Feeling The Feels And Behaving The Behaviors: A Soft-Skills Workshop For Post-Pandemic, Trauma-Informed News Leaders

3:00PM Aug 26, 2023

Speakers:

Keywords:

optimizing

newsroom

trauma

listen

give

trauma informed

journalist

affirm

leader

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work

happened

biceps

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care

feel

threatened

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today

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I don't know why they give me a microphone. Yeah, no. Those of you who know me know, I don't need a microphone. It is 1130 on the nose. We're gonna get started because we have a lot to cover in 60 minutes. My apologies. I may have pitched this session and over promised what was possible in 60 minutes. So with that being said you were in field the fields behavior behaviors and Soft Skills Workshop and post pandemic post lockdown trauma informed news leadership. I am Sam Raglan vice president of programs at the American Press Institute. I am always always available I have been available with an open calendar since 2017. I don't play around. And so if you need me after this, if you know somebody who needs me after this, that is my Calendly it is always open. It's on my LinkedIn it's on my Twitter. It's in my email segue. I really don't care. Here's the problem that we have. We have an a retention problem in local news, especially in news period. And if there is anything that I can do to support you or your journalist to keep them in the work, I'm going to do it so don't have any pride. Do not email me and let me know what you need. Just put the time on my calendar and I'll see you in zoom. It'll be great. Okay, so this is who we are. Here is what we're doing today. Come on in. And 60 minutes, we're gonna figure out who's in the room. We are going to define trauma informed leadership. I'm gonna give you two new ways to listen. Because trauma informed leadership is a practice and a mind state that is based on the way that you listen to the people you are responsible for. And then we have time we will create a behavior centered action plan that gives you one behavior aligned with one value that you will test for the next 30 days. That is the plan if we do not have time to get there. That's okay. There's a worksheet because lord knows there's always the worksheet before we get started. We have a learner's contracts come on in grab a seat wherever you like their seats here in the front their seats right their seats over there, but you're gonna want to sit with someone because we got we have partner work going on. I love the learner contract. We're all learners here together. And it's important for us to know and set some ground ground rules before we get started. Number one, Chatham House rules everything that is said in this room is set in this room for us and us alone. If you need to share something beyond this session. It is not it doesn't have anything to do with the person who told it to you with their organization. All those identifying factors need to be left out of the way that you share this conversation outside of this room. Please do remember to put on curiosity and empathy don't just like think about it, but like wear it like a coat like you will put on some shoes of curiosity is what I need you to do. We need to do this. Why because being a news leader today is about more than the work. We have to help sustain the workers or we will figure out the business model problem and we'll have no journalist to like do it. Right. So we're like we could be profitable if only we had journalists right? To do the work. So be curious. Mary, I'm serious. Okay, let's be curious, be empathetic, we're gonna talk about it. Please keep in mind and this is true for your lives. That is true here. There are no empty cups in this room. You all come into this room as full people with full lived experiences, your lived experience will will contribute to somebody else's growth and so I encourage you to cast your pebbles into the conversation small pebbles, still create ripples do not withhold any good thing from anybody in this room. It doesn't help when you keep it to yourself. With that being said, we need to create some psychological safety hard to do if you don't know who you're with. So you are going to first for me on a notepad if you'd like or whatever. I'd like for you to think really quickly about two or three roles that you occupy naturally. Are you like a dad, an editor? What kind of roles do you occupy and like are your default identity markers? Not a trick question. Try not to overthink it. Are you a sibling or a partner? A creative thinker just two or three roles really quickly. Excellent, very good. Now I would love for you to turn to the person on your left and share three things about you now that you have identified who you are in a couple of really quick ways just this is going to like narrow your landscape of information you would share share three things with the person next to you three things about you three things to the person to your left everybody to your left. Go we're gonna go to the right next thing Yeah. Does that work? Wait share with a partner this works in line?

Right right Right You Excellent, excellent. Wrap up your three, wrap up your three. Wrap up your three. Wrap up your three the job is not over. Bring it back to the front. Bring it back to the front. Is this on? About to write

hello hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. Bring it back. Bring it back. Bring it back. This is not a rap song. I will not drop it. Like it's hot. But if you guys could bring it back to the center of the room. I appreciate you and the reason is because now you are going to tell the other person next to you three completely different things about you. Let's go the other person three completely different things.

Right You afternoon. All right. All right. Here we go. Here we go. How was that? Excellent. Did you get your three? There we go. That is time that is time. I love that people are sharing photos. This is good. This is good. If we had more time we would go one more round because it is more and more difficult to tell people different things about you. Why because we default to the usual narrative and when it comes to leading the next generation, especially of journalists, we cannot default to the same old narrative. We have to create psychological safety for these people for ourselves. In order to do that we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable. You have to flip your own script. Right and so that's what we were doing here understanding who was here who was in the room and starting to practice what it is like to disarm. Because if we can disarm here among strangers, we can disarm in our own shops. You guys ready to go? Because this is what we're doing. We got to define trauma informed leadership and I'm saying my slides did not update so my apologies. So before I go forward, I want to shout out the incredible angle ASCII she's right here in the corner and wave to the group. And did so Mormon here, and did one of the best sessions I've ever heard on vicarious trauma yesterday, and I love what her and her panelists said which is that there was a multitude of things that they could cover they needed to stick with one because there just wasn't enough time. Typically when I do trauma informed leadership training, it is anywhere from three to six hours, sometimes nine full fledged workshops across an entire organization it has to be it is meaty stuff and so we can't cover everything at once. I'm not going to define trauma for you. But I will tell you is there there is a multitude of trauma happening in our newsrooms, and for those of you who are managing or are yourself a marginalized individual. There's also trauma that lives in your body. Cultural and intergenerational trauma. We bring all of that to the field. We bring all of that into our one on one. So learn about trauma. The slides or worksheets are all in the q&a app. I encourage you to dig in there. Because what we can do today in 60 minutes is only talk about the soft skills and just a couple of them that will better contribute to us as trauma informed leaders. Here's the deal. And I'm sorry, it's gonna be hard. I want to be able to give you one framework and be like if you can just like step into this framework, you'll have it all figured out. And that just isn't the case because trauma hits everybody differently and even one individual experiencing different types of trauma will also display different bio psychosocial impacts of that trauma, which means as news leaders today, you have no single correct approach to managing someone who has had a traumatic exposure or who was dealing with chronic stress and burnout. It hits everybody different, which means I don't know how many you guys are basketball fans, I'm a basketball fan. And so you know, when you're guarding your opponent, and you're flat footed, what happens? Well, they just dribble the ball past you right? You can't quickly move to guard someone when you're flat. But uh, but if you stay on the balls of your feet on your toes, and you pin it toward the ball toward the need, you can move faster for the people who need you that is the essence of trauma informed leadership. Stay on your toes. Be responsive to what you're seeing, and we're going to talk about exactly what that is. Now, so take this with you no single right approach. It means that as a newsroom leader, for as much as I appreciate that you care about the work. If you don't care about the worker, their work will never be as good as you want it to be. It'll never be as good. Okay, so here there are three parameters for me that define trauma informed leadership. The first is that as a trauma informed, self identified trauma informed leader, you acknowledge that would happen to your journalist is important. The first step of being a trauma informed what happened out there. What happened in here is important. That's the first step. As a trauma informed leader you also know that what happened will influence both their behavior and their health. Trauma Informed leaders never ever ask what's wrong with you? Because we acknowledge that what happened is important, and it influences their behavior and their health. We use the importance and the influence of that to act accordingly. That's the third step. I sent you out there or I saw what you were editing back home. And I'm acknowledging that that is important.

I'm acknowledging that it has an influence on you. And now instead of me just saying go take a day off.

Like as a band aid. I am acting accordingly because everybody will need something different and individuals may need something different from you each time. That is trauma informed leadership. I love the difference and what has happened psychologically speaking, because once upon a time, PTSD and other trauma and trauma exposures, were essentially based on what's wrong. You're the one that's broken and you're wrong, right? Like all of a sudden you were happy and now you're mad, what's wrong with you? But then the definition started to change and what we realized was that chronic extensive exposure, whether it is direct or indirect has an impact on you. And so psychologists stopped asking what's wrong with you? And they started asking what happened to you and the very next question ought to be what do we do now? And speaking from someone who has had managers not ask this third question let me tell you how hard it is for a traumatized or burned out journalist to have an answer to the need and so we have got to get more clear and more relational in the way that we manage our teams, because they will come to us and not know what they need. And it is our job to give them some agency and some options. For what do we do now? cannot just be on the journalist and what I'm telling you then. I love this. Dr. Bruce Perry talks about this book yesterday, a transformational book for me during the pandemic. It's called What happened to you? And if there are any Oprah old school 80s Chubby Oprah fans in the house. She interviews him on the audible book and it is exceptional listening. But Dr. Perry built his entire career on understanding trauma and the impacts of trauma on the brain. And what he found is it doesn't matter how much medicine you prescribe, it doesn't matter how many visits to the therapy therapists office that you get. What matters is your relationships. Relationships are the currency of change. And if you are looking to help people process and change their trauma, you have to interrelationship with them. And this is hard because how many of you all are dealing with smaller newsrooms? How many of you dealing with bigger teams because your newsrooms are smaller? You got fewer managers? Right? And yet, I'm asking you to prioritize relationship with people prioritizing relationship takes time and it takes space, but if you do it before, George Floyd is murdered. If you do it before the hurricane hits land, if you do it before you need it, then when you go to your reporter and ask, what do we do now they can answer for you because you've built relationship with them. That was based on transformational interaction as opposed to transactional interaction we have to put the people first. It is just a part of the job. It's part of the job relationships are the currency of change through all of my study over the past three years. I've come to a couple of conclusions. I'm going to share them with you today. The first is that there are a lot of ABCs and when I think about the ABCs, to being a trauma informed leader, I understand them to be that we are always carrying always coaching and always connecting notice there's like no work in there. It's like always be on deadline is not there right it's not there. Always you know unfortunate always be diversifying sources important snot there. Always be caring. Always be coaching and always be connecting. You don't need to give somebody hours of your time to connect with them. You need to give them intentional and deliberate time consistently. You are holding space and giving time and when you do that you are optimizing for connection you are communicating value to them when you hold space and give them time. Over the next handful of minutes that we have together. You will notice that we are optimizing for care for coaching and for connection. In order to do that I have to tell you that leaders trauma informed leaders listen and they listen in two very excellent ways and some of this will come naturally to you and in other times it will be a little bit more difficult and that's okay, because even leaders have opportunities to grow. None of us are perfect. If you happen to have a direct report on your team who manages you keep them for as long as possible because the direct report who cares about managing their managers the gift from God seriously Okay, let me give you the first way. The first way that you listen differently as a trauma informed leader as you listen to acknowledge values. I love this tactic. It is not mine is from the solutions journalism network. And they're specifically their work on complicating the narrative and on working with people who specialize in conflict resolution, conflict zones and things like that. These people listen differently. We need to listen differently and it's hard for us as journalists to do this because we were trained to listen for the facts. But when you listen to acknowledge values, you have to also listen for the emotion under the fact and you have to listen for the value under the emotion this will grant your direct report. The self awareness and the insight that they need to understand what has happened to them. What has happened inside of them and then how you can move forward. Together. That tactic is brilliant. Because the extra step and listening to acknowledge values includes looping Have you heard of looping? So you hear what you hear? And you don't give what you heard directly back in the exact same language it was given to you but instead, you clarify what you're hearing based on your own words and your own understanding, which gives your reporter your fellow manager your boss an opportunity to say that's not actually Oh, that's what you heard. That's not actually what I meant. So we have to loop for understanding check our understanding of what we are hearing, but also what we're seeing because their body language is going to tell you one thing and their words might tell you something else. Be mindful of the power dynamics in your newsroom, and within your conversations. I was talking to a young lady yesterday, and she was sharing that, you know, somebody asked her to cover a very triggering story for her. And the question was not you know, like, let's talk about it. What would it be like if you cover the story? It was like you're good covering the story, right? This is the second year. What's she gonna say? As a black woman in the newsroom? And a fake question. You got to cover this story, right? She don't say no. Of course not. Of course she's not. Right. No. So we got to be mindful of the language that we're using. We're going to listen for emotions. We're going to listen for values and we're going to loop to understand we got to make sure that we get it right. Because our own lived experiences will inform what we're hearing. And we need to be able to put ourselves aside dissenter ourselves that we are trauma informed leaders. Okay. Now in order to do this, I'm gonna give you a framework that I love. It's called the biceps framework. You may have seen me write about this before. It is not mine. It is Paloma Medina. She has studied countless organizational psychologists to create this framework. Essentially what she says is that there are there are six core needs that we optimize for. There's something that I need that when it feels threatened, I go into a trauma response. Because please keep in mind, that trauma response doesn't happen when you look at a dead body. That's not the only reason why you would have a traumatic exposure or trauma, a trauma traumatic stress response. Okay, so we got to look at it and be far more nuanced than what we understand breaking news and traumatic coverage to be. So let's go through these. Hopefully this will work. There we go. All right, biceps. It's not your arms, but you're all very strong, dashing people. Biceps, stand for belonging. Listen for these closely because I'm going to ask you to pair up again in just a moment to talk specifically about your core need and whether it is being nourished or threatened in your organization today.

I don't Yes, I will share the slides with these are going to go through here but so you need to still note on your paper. Which one do you feel that you're optimizing for? Yeah, yes, you are very welcome. Okay. Let's go through these really quickly. And then let's do another discussion. biceps. The first one is belonging. I love this idea of belonging especially in the newsroom. Here's what it means. It means that you are optimizing for when I say optimizing for I mean, what is your motivation for doing the work? What is motivating you to show up and not just show up, but show out. For some of us it is this idea of belonging. When somebody is optimized for belonging they perceive social rejection as the threat in the newsroom. Like they were always in the editorial meeting. Then an interim director came in, they got kicked from the meeting and that is social rejection for them. Okay, belonging so that unexpected management change leaves them threatened leaves them questioning their values and now all of a sudden we're at the end of the year with budget and they think for sure they're on the block. They're threatened. Do you optimize? Are you optimized for belonging today? When you think about your safety and your security in your shop, is that belonging for you? Because we're gonna be optimized and motivated by one or two, one or two of these things at any given time, in our in our in our career journey, and it will change depending on your circumstances. Okay, now you might be optimizing for improvement. This I have found over the pandemic, especially with newsroom leaders, especially with high level newsroom leaders. About 94% of them in my three years of study and training across the world on this on this specific framework. Most newsroom leaders are optimized for improvement. And I believe that is because they feel stuck. We made it through the pandemic. We searched through the most devastating story of our lives. And now what am I supposed to go backward? Am I supposed to stay what's actually next for me? I'm optimizing for improvement. I need to see progress. I need to see personal growth. And if I'm using my one on ones with my manager to only talk about today and tomorrow, I don't know where I'm going next. That shit is scary. Threatening. You mean I gotta stay here and deal with traumatic stress. And deal with chronic stress and deal with burnout. Nobody wants that. are you optimizing for improvement today? Are you finding that it is either truly nourished, and you feel so fulfilled in the work and in the team that you're on? That you're not trying to go anywhere? Are you finding that you know, you don't know what is next for you, nobody's talking to you about it and you're starting to feel stuck. You're not sure you enjoy the work, your values no longer align with the work and nobody is telling you how to improve or they're just assuming you'll just be the next editor. And you're not sure you want to be an editor. is an improvement. For you one of these should be resonating. C stands for choice. This is really, really important, especially for our next generation, your middle managers. If you're optimizing for choice, you need flexibility, but you also need autonomy and the ability to make decisions. What's really interesting about those who optimize for choice is that decision making power is not the only thing that is important to them, and it's not the only thing that drives them to thrive in their day. But typically people who optimize for choice find themselves on an island they are on an island because people confuse autonomy with abdication. Right? Like, I'm going to give you autonomy, and then I'm going to walk away and turn my back on you and let you just figure it out. And that doesn't really help anybody to grow. Okay, so if you're optimizing for choice, and that is a core need for you. Something that could be important for you is understanding and communicating to your management that you want flexibility that you want creative autonomy, but you want guardrails across that autonomy. That's important. You'll read like do a project and you're like, I don't even know if I'm doing it right. You would know if they clarified. And they would know that you needed clarity if you ask them. Right. And so here's the thing. It's never in your job description that you're supposed to manage your manager. But you are as much as your manager is supposed to manage and lead you This is the 100% mutual relationship on both sides. And typically one of us is not doing our share of the work. Are you optimized for choice today? equity and fairness is incredibly important when it comes to our biceps. Keep in mind biceps again, are the coordinates that you have to be that have to be fulfilled for you in order to feel safe and secure in your work safe and secure. Is it equity and fairness for you? This idea of having access to resources understanding how decisions are made just that knowledge of right. Equal reciprocity. What's really fascinating about equity and fairness in our newsrooms, is that one person can optimize for equity and fairness and be fulfilled and nourished. But when they see that somebody across the shop is being treated unfairly, it's bad for everybody. Because it's only a matter of time for me to not be treated equitably and fairly. This is why when you hear people say, D IB is everybody's responsibility. It is as a marginalized person in a newsroom. I don't know why you're treating me better than somebody else. All I know is you might eventually treat me bad. That means this is not the newsroom for me. It's everybody's, everybody's responsibility to fulfill the equity and fairness of the shot. Let's go through two more and then you're gonna check this out. predictability. This is hard. Many of us might be optimizing for predictability today. This is all about you know, the resources that you have the time that you have, it can feel like a balancing act when you optimize for predictability and that you want both consistency, because it's safe. But you also want a little bit of unpredictability because there's challenge there, right? You don't want to live a monotonous life, am I right? So when you optimize for predictability, you need a little bit but then you also need like a little hot sauce or something little sparkle. Little surprise, right? It's really, really hard when you optimize for predictability because you might not be able to acknowledge the future challenges and if you don't have enough power to be in the room, and you are dealing with a leadership that's not transparent they're not telling you not telling you. People optimized for predictability need direction. They need direction is this you? Listen, all of these biceps have been shown to show that have have shown themselves across every industry. Every professional at any given time. So you might find as we go through this last one that you are fully nourished, and I will be totally honest with you. I am fully nourished at the American Press Institute right now. fully, completely nourished. I'm like so full I want to like cry about it. A year ago. Not the case. It just was not I was so devastated. Okay, so we need to make room for each other to be optimized and motivated by different things. We need to acknowledge that our environment both within the workplace and external to it have an impact on us as professional journalist. Okay. Your last one. significance. Fascinating, says that this was really interesting to me. If you optimize for significance you appreciate you, you want appreciation for your contributions. And you also want a sense of purpose for those of you who are feeling on the crux of burnout, or you find yourself just in this cycle of chronic stress to burnout or you find that things that never triggered you before are triggering you now. It's because your sense of purpose is blurry. And purpose is one of the most important contributing factors to your resilience. Resilience runs dry, it is not a full well forever, it gets depleted and when your sense of purpose is in check. It refills on a consistent basis. Most of us though, working in climate change reporting, political reporting, raised in equity, reporting and editing are wondering if we even have a purpose in this work anymore. Because when the audience trolls you and when they Doc's you and when they tell you, you're a liar. Your purpose gets shaky. How do you with the knowledge that you have in your shop? How do you talk purpose in life into other people? If you're one on one is about the day to day you're missing an opportunity to connect and to reveal someone's sense of purpose. It'll keep them in the work. Okay? Is it purpose for you is this significance for you? Which bicep is most true for you? Take a moment and just gather your thoughts. We'll give you just a minute to write a couple of notes for yourself before we do another parent share. Of those core needs belonging improvement, choice, equity, predictability, and significance.

Which one is nourished right now or which one is threatened? Listen, be honest with yourself because a lie never helped nobody. Just a couple of notes

What's

up

if you're having a problem thinking about this for yourself, think about your team. Because your team is optimizing for something. Think about that. That's okay. Alright, once you have your notes, I want to revisit what it's like to listen for values because this is what your conversation will be based on. You have a storyteller. So you take in a couple of notes. Hopefully one of those pieces of note or something that can come to mind for you is how your biceps either nourished or threatened. What is the receipt of that and illustration of that because when you break out in just a moment, you'll take turns being storytellers and listeners for one another. And for the listener, you will listen in layers to remember you're listening not just for the facts of the story, the receipts and the proof, but you're looking for the emotions, both what's being heard, and what is being shown to you, quite unconsciously in the body of your partner. But you were also listening to loop what you were hearing, which will give the person you're talking to some agency and some self awareness they didn't have before the conversation. Please keep in mind that for most of us, we might not be able to recount the last time we were really listened to. Especially for those of you who are leaders in your shot. Okay, so you're going to take about eight minutes. Four minutes for the first storyteller four minutes for the second I'm going to time you and so this is the process are you guys about ready? Okay. Get your partner here. We go.

Right right

Right All right. All right. All right, wrap up your story. Wrap up your story and get ready to listen. Storytellers wrap up, storytellers wrap up and switch. Partners. Switch storytellers. I mean switch storytellers

right. You Day right. You right you Yeah.

All right. Go ahead and wrap it up. Wrap up your story. Very good. Guys are great storytellers. Go ahead and wrap up. Wrap Up. Wrap up your final thought. Wrap up your final loop. Here we go. Here we go. We have 15 minutes left 15 Not nearly enough time to do all the things all right. Let's get going. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Almost. Everybody's almost almost. It's like when you like or at some rad coffee shop. Then you meet some red stranger and the next thing you know you've lost two hours kind of like that right? Like very, very nice. Thank you for participating without giving too much detail and to the stories that you heard what kind of values surfaced in your conversations, what kind of values Did you hear just out of curiosity without telling any details? Just the values? Yeah. Okay, excellent. Fairness. Very good. What else? Connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah, connection doesn't happen by accident, does it? And so how are you optimizing for connection and how are you being intentional to set up opportunity for connection especially for those of you running a hybrid or distributed team? Yeah. Anything else? belonging. Yeah. Yeah. From both sides. Sure. Sure. I've been there. I've been there. Listen, you the biceps and the core needs that you're optimizing for and need to feel safe and secure at work will change. So if you are optimized for belonging right now and you feel it's in threat, or significance and it's in threat, let me encourage you, it will not be in threat always. It won't give

her a very grateful nice, nice bill, but then having other ones not feel that gratitude will often have that

Yes. Right. Right. That was gonna be hard, right? I mean, it's it's hard to find a perfect workplace. It's definitely impossible. Hard is probably the wrong word. It's impossible to find a perfect it's impossible to find a perfect workplace. But I have a worksheet for that, that I think would be would really help you and it will help walk you all through. What are you optimizing for right now across the scale? of the biceps framework? Who are the stakeholders that might have the greatest impact and your needs being fulfilled or threatened? And then what steps might you take to be intentional in how you are trying to get these needs filled? Okay, and so I will share that with you guys. Later, but I want to be mindful of time because we have one more way to listen. That we need to learn and it is like a trampoline. When's the last time you're on trampoline? Oh, y'all I Sam, we are old in here. Ceci Just kidding. Just kidding. I was on a trampoline recently. I peed a little and it was fine. We need to listen to build momentum. And so the visual in your mind is to listen like a trampoline. A trampoline gives energy and possibility you don't think you can defy gravity and flip your body all the way around. But if you remember being on a trampoline, all of a sudden the possibility that you could became real and so when you listen to your people like you are a trampoline your goal is to listen to build momentum, this kind of listening prioritizes active support and the way that you amplify energize and clarify what somebody else is thinking. How are you giving them lift? If it's a premium on progress, not perfection, perfection. It's a prison. We've got to stop. And for those of us that we know who are living there, we've got to help them get out. We can do that by building momentum around an unformed idea. It is worth the time. It is worth the time some of you will recognize this. You guys familiar with the rose by Thorn? We love rose by Thorn. For those of you guys who are not familiar, you'll appreciate this. It's another framework that you can use with your teams. Now. Our goal in the next exercise will be to identify one of these and build momentum as you listen as a tabletop as a group. Okay. Now I want you to think about a bud that is encouraging you about it's something it's like a beansprout a baby thing, but you're like, oh, there's like some hope there. This thing might happen. It's gonna be so cool, right? It's the thing that's getting you excited, but it hasn't fully bloomed yet. Okay. Now your roses are the thing that are bringing you the excitement now because they are in the world. They are in the world you are reaping the benefit your teams are reaping the benefit and as the thing that you've worked on for a long time and now it is here. It has arrived. We all have roses. We all have buds and we all have thorns. Thorns are things that are hurting our work they are getting in the way they are stunting our progress, that thorn in the side, that pebble in the shoe that just makes everything a little bit more trying and difficult. What's really interesting about thorns in the newsroom, though, is that typically, thorns stemmed from an inability to communicate. So you need access to someone because somebody has a roadblock for you. It's a thorn in your side because you can't get the green light and what you really need is just the green light from this person. How do you get it? Okay, there are thorns I would love for you to think this through for just a moment. And write down at least two of each for yourself. What is the rose for you right now? It's kind of positive thing happening in your life. Some success or highlight at work? It might not be directly related to you maybe you've got a direct report who just like blew the lid off? And that's a that's a rose for you should celebrate that. Write down a couple of roses when you get to the but what is that what's the thing that's not fully grown for you yet? Something that you're looking forward to though in the near future? Perhaps it's a new idea or a story or a new hire. list a couple buds for yourself

and then your thorns Where are you feeling stuck? What kind of support do you need to get unstuck? Is there a challenge that you're facing right now? That one conversation would help. What are a couple of thorns you're dealing with at work right now? Give me honest you will only share what you're comfortable with sharing so it's okay.

All right. You got him. Now, after you've identified your roses, your buds and your thorns and you want to enter into a conversation about them, you cannot enter into a conversation about them as a trauma informed leader. We weren't thinking about how to build momentum for somebody. And when you build momentum for somebody, what you're really doing is you're coaching their ability to progress and grow. You're also coaching resilience back into their bank. And the way that you do that is by using affirming language. Really, really easy to do, but also really, really hard because we're just don't have the time to affirm someone. And there's also kind of this fear that if we affirm someone, it's going to take more time to finish the conversation. It's not true. These are some what I like to call sentence starters. These are ways that you can start to incorporate affirming language into your meetings, whether it's team meetings or one on one meetings, things like I appreciate that you're willing to talk this through. So if somebody brings you a baby beansprout have an idea. Instead of saying go write a proposal after you've done more research, which is probably a part of the process too, but that you deaded their momentum and excitement because you were like I'm not ready for that, like go make it better. As opposed to saying I'm actually a sounding board for you. I'm a trampoline for you. Thanks for bringing this to me. Let's talk it through. And then now that you've got a little bit more clarity and energy around the idea now go deliver me a proposal by the end of the week. Right? I can tell how much ABC matters to you. Thank you I can tell you're working hard on this was the last time you thank somebody for working hard. It's like so obvious, right? It's so obvious if you want people to belong, where they are, affirm them where they are. I appreciate your ability to consider new priorities here. Thanks for the extra time that you spent. If your feedback to your team is only to correct a thing that they're doing then you're missing the other side of feedback feedback is a two sided coin. One side of that is corrective critical feedback. The other side is praise. We never give praise as specifically as we give critical feedback. But if you are a trauma informed leader, what you understand is that before the trauma happens, how am I leading my people so that they can trust me so they are affirmed by me so that when they know that they're being triggered, they can come to me they don't have to force their way through it. Do you see that? It's all connected. Affirming language is caring language you can care without being like a Care Bear. We don't have to clap and make our bellies go. Weird. Right? You can be a caring person you can be a caring person without like giving hugs and being fruitful. Affirming language shows that you care. It also prioritizes connection. And when you affirm someone, you give them an opportunity to continue the conversation which means you are coaching them to the next level. It's all connected. Some of you do it and don't realize and so I hope you're you're getting some frameworks and some language to help you understand who you are others of you you're gonna practice and that's alright because none of us arrived anywhere. We are all still growing. Do you have one idea actually? I don't think we're gonna be able to coach for momentum. Because we have four minutes. So my apologies. Let me do this for you and then I'll just open it up for questions. Here's our recap. You caught it right? Always be caring. Always be coaching always be connecting as a trauma informed leader. I want to give you one last framework for communication I love it. And for those of you who are avid online shoppers such as myself, you may have heard the site Etsy. And this is actually xes commitment to mindful communication. Again, it's not fufu it just is what it is when you enter into a room. Reflect on the dynamics before you contribute to the conversation. Be mindful that there are people in the room with more and less power than you and especially for those with less power than you acknowledge that and be strategic and how you elevate their power. If you want to really keep it real as a trauma informed leader, you will elevate a conversation. I heard someone so said this. I just want to amplify that one more time. Here's the reason why I agree with it. Here's the reason if somebody has been talked over and you have the power, stop it always assume the best intentions. As a trauma informed leader. Some of us don't have that the people we're managing don't have the language to explain what is happening to them, what has happened to them, and they are showing you the impacts of that through their anger. And their frustration. Assume the best intentions as you bring them through that process to help them navigate the trauma so they can get back out there. These are journalist these are mission driven. People. They want to do the work. We should help them do it whole. And then finally, listen. You've learned to listen for values and emotions today. You've also now been told that you should listen like a trampoline and acknowledge when the moment is a trampoline moment. People should be leaving you excited, and they should be wanting to come to you excited because of the way you listen to them. This is mindful communication. It is something that is the second nature for a trauma informed leader. Somebody who was leading before the trauma. Okay. Your 30 day plan. No, right. I can't believe we're already there. I know I'm so sorry. I'm gonna show it to you, though. And then I'm gonna send it to you guys. Here's what I think about action plans. I think that we are all incomplete people who have room to grow. And I think that you come to a thing like oh and a and there's a million things that you want to do different and then the year comes and it's Christmas and you've done nothing because you've you learn too much. So I don't want you to do what 3060 90 I don't want you to list out all the different ways you're gonna behave differently on Monday. I want you to think about one thing that you will do differently. I want you to focus yourself on one behavior. One behavior for the next 30 days for the entire month of September if you were to choose one behavior, to be more caring to be a better listener. How do you what is your what behaviors undergird that so that you aren't just thinking that you're a better listener, but you're displaying the fact that you're a better listener. So your action plan will have focus. It will have concrete goals, how you break down that behavior. You'll set a couple of priorities and you're you'll define some success. Okay? Snap Smarty goals for you today. It's not as hard to measure behavior and a SMART goal. But when you notice that your direct reports are coming to you without you asking when you notice that your one on ones are about more than the day to day you will know that your 30 day plan worked for you. When you noticed that the marginalize reporter in your newsroom without being prompted comes to you closes the door. asks for the time. You'll know that you were on the track. You will know that you were doing good work. Good work. And let me just really quickly remind you I know we're out of time. But the people that you're managing are the future managers and leaders of this industry. We all care about this industry. And the way that you lead them is the way that they will lead other people lead them Well thank you all so much. I appreciate your time.

I'm here to take any questions, but I know we're at a time you guys would like to connect. Please feel free to grab my time on my calendar. If you want to know more about API. This is a menu of everything that we offer and we would love to partner with you. So thanks so much. Enjoy the rest of your own a mascot.

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