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2022-11-29 A Better Way to Live Alone 3 | Otter.ai

2022-11-29 A Better Way to Live Alone 3

John Pulleyn48min

Sensei Amala Wrightson

00:02

Today is the 29th of November 2022. And we're continuing from the texts that we were looking at in the two day hybrid urban retreat, "Our Appointment With Life: The Buddha's Teaching on Living in the Present." And this is translated with a commentary by Thich Nhat Hanh, and then translated from the Vietnamese and English by Annabel Laity.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

00:35

And the the central teaching on this, of this, text is summed up in one of the gathas that is given in the text.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

00:49

Let go of what is past. Let go of what is not yet. Observe deeply what is happening in the present moment, but do not be attached to it. This is the most wonderful way to live alone.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

01:06

This theme running through these texts, closely related sutras is the better way to live alone. Alone in the sense of all one not being deceived by thinking that one has to reject society or live apart from the world in order to practice this. But to live to be living deeply the prison moment to be aware of what is going on. Found a wonderful passage from Shodo, Harada Roshi, which describes the the Zen approach to this being deeply aware of the present moment, living in the present moment which is giving a wholehearted attention to our experience, what we are seeing, but also what is seeing the same with the other senses, hearing, tasting and so forth. What is this? What is this mystery of being existing and sensing? Astrum is quite short, I'll read this passage to to you all. Our focus has to be on our essence, not on concepts of doing good and avoiding bed, all of the seasons all of the times of the day, right in this very moment, where there is nothing but this absolute truth. In the spring, we become one with the flowers. In summer, we become one with the breeze, in autumn we become one with the moon. In winter, we are one with the snow, we transform with each of these we transform in the morning, the afternoon and the night. And in this way, we know Buddha Nature directly what is it? Keep that question to the point where it becomes what is seeing and what is being seen what is hearing and what is being heard, what is smelling and what is being smelled or melted into one and merged completely to the point where you cannot even know whether it is us sitting in the Zendo or if the Zendo it is the Zendo that is sitting. We need to keep going non stop without a break asking what is it? What is it? What is it? Otherwise, we are wasting our precious time? Keep that question going to the point where it becomes what is seeing and what is being seen what is hearing and what is being heard. What is smelling and what is being smelled, or melted into one and merged completely to the point that life energy, that life energy that fills your ears and fills your eyes and does the hearing and does the seeing and you will know its deepest roots not from your head. But from your experience. The blowing wind sounds and you become the wind sound. The bell rings and you become It's ringing. There is nothing beyond that. In one instance. under any of these may come forth from my years as hearing, there is no division between inner and outer between the world of myself the act of hearing and that which is being heard, this place where there is no separation at all, can only be spoken of as love

Sensei Amala Wrightson

05:24

this place where there is no separation at all can only be spoken of as love

Sensei Amala Wrightson

05:38

place with with no boundaries where we are all one nothing outside

Sensei Amala Wrightson

06:05

now back to where we left off in the text on Sunday

Sensei Amala Wrightson

06:22

we're looking at a section entitled internal formations, you could say these are what get in between us and this experience of no boundaries or love, pure love

Sensei Amala Wrightson

06:47

what dynamics have it in our consciousness compel us to go back and live with the images of the past these forces are made up of internal formations, Sanskrit sAMOLED Jana mental factors which arise in us and bind us. Things we see hear, smell, taste, touch, imagine or think can all give rise to internal formations, desire, irritation, anger, confusion, fear, anxiety, suspicion and so on. Internal formations are prisoned in the depths of the consciousness of each of us. Internal formations influence our consciousness and our everyday behavior. They cause us to think say and do things that we may not even be aware of, because they compel us in this way. They are also called fitters, because they bind us to acting in certain ways. We even when we don't want to act in a certain ways, we we do.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

08:00

It's this we see when these things when we say or do something that we later regret, we will seeing that we are not free entirely that when we have to really pay attention to these these internal formations, so that we can liberate ourselves from them. The commentary is usually mentioned nine kinds of internal formations, desire, hatred, pride, ignorance, stubborn views, attachment, doubt, jealousy, and selfishness. Among these, the fundamental internal formation is ignorance. The lack of clear seeing ignorance is the raw material out of which the other internal formations are made. It's a helpful way of putting it the ignorances the raw material for these fitters.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

09:12

Although there are nine, because desire is always listed first, it is often used to represent all the internal formations. He goes on to talk about how in one of the the suit suitors that talk with a better way to live alone. Monk Kanchana explains. My friends what is meant by dwelling in the past, someone thinks in the past my eyes were like that. And the form with which my eyes was in contact was like that, and thinking like this. She is bound by desire. Bound by desire. There's a feeling of longing. This feeling of longing keeps her dwelling in the past Chi Chan has commentary could make us think that the only internal formation holding one in the past is desire. But when he speaks of desire, he's using it to represent all the internal formations, doubt, hatred, jealousy, and so forth. All of these tires in hold us back in the past. And if we look at if we look at our own experience, we may be able to quite quickly identify one or two, which we we particularly struggle with things that hold us back the things that that take us out of this present moment that we become preoccupied with. Sometimes we only have to hear the name of someone who has wronged us in the past, and our internal formations from that time or more to automatically take us back into the past and we relate relive the suffering, the past is the home ground of both painful and heavy memories being absorbed in the past as a way of being dead to the present moment, it is not easy to drop the past and return to living in the present. When we try to do it, we have to resist the force of the internal formations and us we have to learn to transform our internal formations, so that we will be free to be attentive to the present moment. Think of a helpful little formula from Master Sheng yen, he says we have to when we're working with difficulties to different habit patterns and formations, we have to face face them, accept them, deal with them, and then let them go. face except deal with let go. We can't do anything at all until we face these things and and recognize them and then to accept them because we can't really deal with them before we have accepted that this is what we have going on in us and then dealing with it coming to terms with it. Working with it, and then then we might be able to let go of and we want to skip these steps and go straight to the letting go and then it becomes more we're getting rid of is that is that the motive which isn't helpful just gives the pattern more energy good to take an example here of other bearing a grudge

Sensei Amala Wrightson

13:11

and how when we when we hold on to some wrongs that has been done to us we actually replaying the PERT

Sensei Amala Wrightson

13:28

mentioned in the in the previous talk, the importance of forgiveness and realizing that we we we don't forgive for the person who's been forgiven so much. We we forgive in order to free ourselves from the internal formations that come from that hurt

Sensei Amala Wrightson

14:02

Martin Luther King said forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

14:25

For for African Americans, this makes absolute sense given the the history and the ongoing racism that that exists in the country. To to free oneself, from from such oppression takes a permanent attitude or forgiveness so as not to be weighed down by by the

Sensei Amala Wrightson

15:03

anger that comes up in such a situation

Sensei Amala Wrightson

15:12

Someone once said, Those who cannot forgive others break a bridge over which they themselves must pass

Sensei Amala Wrightson

15:30

then if we have, if we, if we can't bring ourselves to forgive, then we won't, we will, it's also likely that we won't be able to forgive ourselves. This This insight is right there in the in the, of the Lord's Prayer in Christianity, How's it go forgive that

Sensei Amala Wrightson

16:03

forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them who trespass against us. These two these two go together.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

16:27

Mariana Kaplan from the wave failure, talks about forgiveness. She says, real Self Love comes from a profound self acceptance. It involves seeing with great and ruthless self honesty, the actual state of who we are, as we are situated today, of understanding the forces that formed us as we are of realizing that we are as we are fully responsible for the weaknesses we enact, we are not the original cause of them, and then of forgiving ourselves such that we accept the whole of our current condition, including our strengths and our weaknesses. She says here, we're not the original cause of our weaknesses is think of

Sensei Amala Wrightson

17:25

it the hurts the different things that that that we suffer at the hands of our parents, and you just have to realize that they too, had parents who were human limited and ignorance in different ways, and they had parents and they had parents. This this chain of suffering comes down to us and as what we are called upon to work with.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

18:24

To our text

Sensei Amala Wrightson

18:42

section is called the present is also made up of the past. The present contains the past. When we understand how our internal formations cause conflicts in us, we can see how the past is in the present moment, and we will no longer be overwhelmed by the past. When the Buddha said do not pursue the past, he was telling us not to be overwhelmed by the past, he did not mean that we should stop looking at the past in auditing, observe deeply when we review the past and observe it deeply. If we are standing firmly in the present, we are not overwhelmed by it. The materials of the past which make up the present come become clearer when they express themselves in the present. We can learn from them. If we observe these materials deeply we can arrive at a new understanding of them. That is called Looking again at something old in order to learn something new. Think psychotherapy will be an example of this. Where we will look into our personal experience as a way of coming to a better understanding of ourselves right now. If we know that the past also lies in the present, we understand that we are able to change the past by transforming the present. The ghosts of the past which follow us into the present, also belong to the present moment, to observe them deeply recognize the nature and transform them is to transform the past. The ghosts of the past are very real. They are the internal formations in us which are sometimes quietly asleep, while at other times they awaken suddenly and act in a strong way. That's actually one of the preliminary koans that people take up is what would you do if you if you were to meet a ghost? How would you how would you react

Sensei Amala Wrightson

21:02

in Buddhism, there is a Sanskrit term uno Saya, uno means along with saya means lying down, we could translate and Josiah has latent tendency. The internal formulations continue to be with us, but they are lying asleep in the depths of our consciousness. We call them ghosts, but they are present in a very real way. According to the Visionaire, Nevada School of Buddhism. Pan Your Honor saya.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

21:43

A seeds which lie in everyone's Elia consciousness. Just just a couple of things to explain here, the vision Nevada School of Buddhism is the is the consciousness only school and Elia consciousness is way of talking about Deep Mind it means storehouse consciousness. So it's where these these seeds get that gets stored. An important part of the work of observation meditation is to be able to recognize the underside. When they manifest, observe them deeply and transform them. So to help in situations to realize when there might be an latent tendency and Dortmund karmic seed that comes to life in some encounter. Sometimes we can meet somebody, and we just have a very strong negative reaction to them. Somebody you just don't see eye to eye with you. You might have had this experience in a work situation. And it's mysterious, why can't I get on with this person. And it may be if there's a very powerful emotional reaction that that somehow this person has is pressing our buttons exciting or or waking up into latent tendencies in us. And it can be helpful just to be able to, to recognize this or have this as a possibility

Sensei Amala Wrightson

23:44

and in some way

Sensei Amala Wrightson

23:51

this is happening to us for a reason.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

24:02

Next section is headed up do not lose yourself in the future. Sometimes because the present is so difficult, we give our attention to the future, hoping that the situation will improve in the future. imagining the future will be better, we are better able to accept the suffering and hardship of the prison. But at other times thinking about the future may cause us a lot of fear and anxiety. And yet we cannot stop doing it. The reason we continue to think about the future even when we do not want to is due to the presence of internal formations. Although not yet here, the future is already producing ghosts which haunt us. In fact, these ghosts are not produced by the future or the past. It is our consciousness which creates them. The past and the future are creations of our consciousness. To be able to recognize this when we're actually thinking about the future. Already the then we're not so beholden to the process, we can recognize this catch ourselves.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

25:21

The energies behind are thinking about the future, our hopes, dreams and anxieties. Our hopes can be the result of our sufferings and failures. Because the prison does not bring us happiness. We allow our minds to travel into the future. We hope that in the future, the situation will be brighter. When someone thinks how his worry will be in the future, how his feelings will be in the future. This is quoting the suitor, how his mental factors will be in the future, how his consciousness will be in the future. Thinking in this way, can give us the courage to accept failure and suffering in the present. The poet true who said that the future is a vitamin for the grip present. Hope brings us back some of the joys of the life we have lost. Thinking here when I read this, this afternoon, thinking of the people of Ukraine, and how the terrible hardships and losses that they're going through it may be that the one thing that is is sustaining them is hope, prospect of the war ending victory. He continues, we all know that hope is necessary for life. But according to Buddhism, hope can be an obstacle. If we invest our mind in the future, we will not have enough mental energy to face and transform the present. Naturally, we have the right to make plans for the future. But making plans for the future does not mean to be swept away by daydreams. While we are making plans, our feet need to be firmly planted in the present, we can only build the future from the raw raw materials of the present. The trick is to to stay grounded with this and not allow ourselves to get caught up in wishful thinking. Because hopes will unrealistic hopes just just lead to disappointment, frustration. Quite often people will come to dog sounds saying that they're feeling frustrated. And though, thing we should ask ourselves when we're experiencing frustrating frustration, is what do we what are we expecting? What are we hoping for?

Sensei Amala Wrightson

28:16

The essential teaching of Buddhism is to be free of all desire for the future, in order to come back with all our heart and mind into the present. To realize awakening means to arrive at a deep and full insight into reality, which is in the present moment, in order to return to the present and to be face to face with what is happening. We must look deeply into the heart of what is said is an experience its true nature. When we do so we experienced the deep understanding which can release us from suffering and darkness. Think back to what the beginning of the talk and what Shodo Harada was was saying about entering so fully into the present moment, that subject and object dissolved, merged.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

29:20

According to Buddhism, hell, Paradise samsara and nirvana are all here in the present moment. There's a story about a samurai warrior coming to see your master and asking the master please teach me about heaven and hell. And the master says, scowls, Adam and says, You filthy samurai. Why should I even bothered to give you any teaching? And the samurai said bristles picks up his sword and is about to go Bring it to the neck of the of the master. And the master says, there is hell. And then the samurai realize that realizing what he had done, makes a deep bow before the master. And the master says and there is heaven.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

30:28

Hill in paradise, holy here in this present moment, and in us in our, in our being.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

30:42

To return to the present moment is to discover life and to realize the truth. All the awakened ones of the past have come to awakening in the present moment, all the awakened ones of the present and future will realize the fruit of awakening in the present also, only the present moment is real, the past no longer is in the future has not yet come. If we do not stand firmly in the present moment, we may feel ungrounded when we look at the future, we may think that in the future, we will be alone with no place of refuge, and no one to help us. When someone thinks how his body will be in the future, how his feelings will be in the future, how his mental factors will be in the future, how is consciousness will be in the future. Such concerns about the future bring about unease, anxiety and fear, and do not help us at all and taking care of the present moment moment. They just make our way of dealing with a prison week and confused. Think this growing growing old as a as a ripe field. For this kind of thinking about the future, just imagining that things are going to get worse. And as in a inexorable kind of way.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

32:16

There is a confusion saying that a person who does not know how to plan for the distant future will be troubled and prepared, perplexed by the near future. This is meant to remind us to care for the future, but not to be anxious or fearful about it. The best way of preparing for the future is to take good care of the present. Because we know that if the future is made up of the past, in the future, if the present is made up of the past, then the future will be made up of the present. All we need to be responsible for is the present moment. Only the present moment is within our reach to care for the present is to the care for the future. So we could one of the ways that we can care for future for instance, is by living frugally so that we can save for retirement. And that's, that's grounded, that's sensible. If we take it too far, though, then we become become miserly and anxious about the future and can't enjoy the present. So it is better find finding way with this.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

33:44

The past and future, both lie in the present. When we think about the past, feelings of regret or shame may arise. When we think about the future feelings of desire or fear may come up. But all of these feelings arise in the present moment. And all of them affect the present moment. Most of the time, their effect does not contribute to our happiness or joy. We have to learn how to face these feelings. The main thing we need to remember is that the past and the future are both in the present. And if we take hold of the present moment, when then we also transform the past and the future.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

34:30

Recognizing our regrets about the past and our fears about the future, or anxieties reading noticing them as thoughts and as stories that we make

Sensei Amala Wrightson

34:56

the Buddha said something about the future he said whatever you think it will be it It will always be something different. If the big difference between thoughts about the future and and things occurring, when they occur is that our thoughts about the future Ameena thoughts whereas once the the future comes, so to speak into the present, it will be flesh and blood or or much with with layers of depth that are thought about it doesn't have. So in a fundamental way, it'll be different. Whatever you think it will be, it will always be something different.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

35:52

When regret becomes unwholesome, we should first distinguish whether the cause was based on something we stood or said, or on something we failed to do or say. If in the past, we said or did something destructive, we can call that an error of commission. We did it or said something with a lack of mindfulness and it caused harm. Sometimes we commit an error of omission. We did harm by not saying or doing what needed to be said or done. And that brought us regret and sorrow. A lack of mindfulness was there. And its results are still present, how pain, shame and regret are an important part of that result. If we observe the present deeply and take hold of it, we can transform it, we do so by means of mindfulness, determination, and correct actions and speech. All these come about in the present moment, when we transform the present. In this way, we also transform the past, and at the same time, we build the future. So he's just putting here to the to the fact that regret can be healthy, if we have made mistakes in the past, but that we can make changes in the present is in response to their regret and those mistakes that we made in the past. There's a story that our Joan Brom tells of a young woman who was in a car accident with the with her boyfriend, she she felt herself to be responsible for what happened, they'd both been drinking. And she was she the, after the boyfriend's death, she felt feel deeply remorseful for what had happened. But instead of brushing aside her sorrow and her her remorse, she started to volunteer in a rehabilitation center for people with brain injuries, serious brain injuries, many of as a result of car accidents. And so she was, she turned the this is what we could call the transforming the past, where she turned it into something useful and exposed yourself again and again to to the kind of of injuries that she felt she had been responsible for, I was able to help a lot of people through her trip through her volunteering.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

38:48

Because it's a this is why, why. Recognizing collective mistakes is so important in terms of society. The mistakes the many multitudinous mistakes of colonialism, for instance, that we do, we must recognize these mistakes in order to be able to transform the present. And as he says, if we're doing this, we're also building the future.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

39:27

If we say that all is lost, everything is destroyed, or that the suffering has already happened. We do not see that the past has become the present. Of course, the suffering has already been caused, and the wound of that suffering can touch our very soul. But instead of lamenting about or trivial suffering from what we have done in the past, we should take hold of the present and transform it. The traces of a bad drought can be only raised by a bountiful rainfall and rain To only fall in the present moment. Buddha's repentance is based on the understanding that wrongdoing originates in the mind. Here is a gutter gutter of repentance. And this is a different one from the one we commonly use in our repentance ceremony. All wrongdoings arise because of mind. If mind is transformed, can any wrongdoing remain. After repentance My heart is light, like the cloud floating free in the sky. Lovely, lovely last two lines sliced. After repentance, my heart is light, like the cloud floating free in the sky. Because of our mindful lack of mindfulness, because our mind was obscured by desire, anger and jealousy, we acted wrongly. That is what is meant by all wrongdoings arise because of mind. But if the wrongdoing arouse from that arose from our mind, it can also be transformed within our mind. If our mind is transformed, then the objects perceived by our mind will also be transformed. Such transformation is available if we know how to return to the present moment. Once we have transformed our mind, our heart will be as light as a floating cloud, and we will become a source of peace and joy for ourselves and others. Yesterday, perhaps out of foolishness or anger, we said something which made our mother said, But today our mind is transformed and our heart light, and we can see our mother smiling at us even if she is no longer alive. If we smile, within ourselves, our mother can also smile within us. One of the really positive outcomes that can come from repentance is and really recognizing mistakes of commission and omission is that we develop more humility and also compassion for others when they are classic example of this is in AAA, where Alcoholics Anonymous were participants in in the sessions they have become sponsors for the new new people, and are able to really walk alongside people struggling with addiction, because they have themselves gone through that process of struggle and, and recognition of what is behind the addiction.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

43:17

If we can transform the past, we can also transform the future. Our anxieties and fears for the future, make the present dark, there is no doubt that the future will be black too. Because we know that the future is made up of the present. Taking care of the present is the West best way to take care of the future. Sometimes because we are so concerned about what will happen the next day, we toss and turn all night unable to sleep. We worry that if we cannot sleep during the night, we will be tired the next day and are unable to perform to the best of our ability. The more we worry, and the more difficult it is for us to sleep. Our worries and fears for the future destroy the present. Think many, many many of us have experienced this. We don't drop off to sleep and then we're anxious about the fact that we're not dropping off to sleep. And and it's a it's a classical example of of the way self concern gets in our way

Sensei Amala Wrightson

44:41

that if we stop thinking about tomorrow, and just stay in bed and follow our breathing, really enjoying the opportunity we have to rest. Not only will we savor the moments of peace and joy under the warm blankets, but we will fall asleep quite easily and naturally. That kind of sleep is a big help for those worried about making success the next day. This is really about about dropping our

Sensei Amala Wrightson

45:17

self concern, freeing us from becoming when we go into sleep one has to do forget the self let itself go

Sensei Amala Wrightson

45:35

this this last little bit before we finish when we hear that the forests of our planet are diseased and dying so rapidly, we may feel anxious, we are concerned for the future because we are aware of what is happening in the present moment. And the latest COP meeting is really an example of

Sensei Amala Wrightson

45:56

of very discouraging situation whether the response of our leaders is not is not up to to the demand that the situation What's the situation demands. Our awareness kind of mode can motivate us to do something to hold the destruction of our environment. Obviously, our concern for the future is different from worry and anxiety which only drain us we have to know how to enjoy the presence of a beautiful healthy tree in order to be able to do something to protect and preserve it.

Sensei Amala Wrightson

46:44

We have to nurture ourselves as we nurture the tree so that we're able to respond as needs to Ed as we've was as cool, we are called upon to respond. Well, our time is up. Probably have one more talk out of this next time that we give teisho. So we rather than do the four vows now, we're just going to finish up with the healing charting service that we customarily have on a on a Tuesday night. So just take a minute or two we can if we can turn up the lights. And everybody already has a chant book I guess. So.

Richard von Sturmer

47:38

The teaching you have received is offered freely. If you would like to make a donation to support the continuation of this podcast service. Or learn more about practice opportunities at the Oakland Zen Center. Please visit dub dub dub dot Oakland zen.org dot INSEAD

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