Continuing on the theme of attunement, living in attune to the suffering of the world suffering are the people we encounter. To be attuned to our own suffering, means not to simply experience it in the usual way, or experience in ways that are challenging for us. But to engage in a process, where being attentive to suffering is for our betterment and leads the betterment of the world. And one of those ways is to be attuned to suffering, being in harmony with it, to find a balance with it. So we're using these of this acronym, acronym touch, which seems very nice, there's the F work for compassion, that to be to be compassionate means to be touched by the suffering. And this idea of being touched in some deep way, is kind of tender is kind of loving, it's kind of like, we get touched by the things that are important for us that we value that move us. And then in return, to touch others, in not literally maybe, but to touch others with our kindness with our support. And sometimes it can be literally sometimes a gentle touch on the shoulder or the arm, can be so meaningful for someone who feels lost, broken, hurt, isolated, to be to touch others, just to know that they're not alone. So to think about the suffering, we encountered, to find a healthy way of thinking about it, to be open to it, to be upright in the presence of it. And today, the a the C is to stands for do communicate, to take time to communicate with the people that were involved in, that we who are suffering, who are challenged. And one of the reasons why this is important, is that it's very easy to encounter someone who's suffering and to assume that they're suffering the way we would in a similar circumstance. And we project our own experiences her own history, her own fears onto the other people. And then we might miss them, we might not understand what's happening there. What's what's really going on. So to communicate is to find out a bit more what's happening, or what's his experience, like people are suffering, don't necessarily appreciate it, someone appreciate probing questions that people are really trying to, you know, do a probe deep into what's going on. But simple questions, very open questions or statements like, oh, that, you know, just simply ignore this must be hard, is an acknowledgement and recognition of what's happening, that sometimes open doors for people to feel seen and heard and recognized, that they're willing to share themselves more than they volunteer? How it's how it's hard. The the simple question like, you know, what's the hardest part of this? What's the most difficult thing for you and this circumstance, can be eye opening to find out, someone might have maybe broken their leg and is now kind of has to stay home and rest their leg and then you know, to be immobilized for a while. And they're suffering and it's difficult and, and you ask them, what's the what's the most difficult thing? What what is it? What's so hard for you or what? And they say, Oh, the most difficult thing is that I was really counting on going to a graduation of a dear friend of mine, that is with a combination of so much of their life and such an important thing, and I wanted to celebrate with them, and now I can't do it. And you had no idea that that was the biggest thing that they that's causing them some distress. Maybe for you, the idea of being independent is so important that you assume that What's difficult is now they can't denote our freedom of movement and they have to depend on others. So to find out what is going on for people and hang out with them and talk about what's happening and learn more deeply as don't assume we know what's going on. A nice question sometimes to ask is how might I support you with this? or what are some ways that you can be supported? That even promised you're gonna do it yourself? But what are some of the ways you find support and this kind of challenge? And some people find it helpful to be reminded with a question like that, then they think, Oh, yes, I forgot. Meditation is important for me, maybe this is a time to meditate, or friends are important for me. And, you know, whatever it might be. And asking very simple questions, or acknowledging what's happening with someone is a act of expression of compassion, of caring for someone. And some people, that's what they mostly need. They don't necessarily need someone to fix them or do things with them. But just kind of sit with them and recognize, oh, that's what's happening. I've been with people when I've been challenged by something, who were really quick to want to do things and like, let's go and do this. And that that'll be make it all better. And I just simply wanted to be quiet and be present and be with what's going on. And I would have valued having a friend who sat and just, we gently, quietly talked about it, and I could just, you know, couldn't voice some feelings and thoughts that I have. So this ability to listen deeply, and listen in such a way and communicate in such a way, that we're not trying to fix people. We're not trying to be the helper. Right, first and foremost, we're trying to be the person who understands to seize gets to know the suffering we have in the world. And and the more we can be directly with people to find out, the deeper we understand what the suffering is, if we read about suffering in the news that's far away the other side of the world, we can certainly have compassion for that we can certainly feel the pain of that in some ways. But the chances are that we're projecting a tremendous amount of our own assumptions, onto that situations, our imagination has come alive. And some of the imagination might be true enough. But it's very different, that we're on the ground, being with people and seeing exactly the details of what's happening. And so this idea of communicating and seeing and learning more, so when the suffering is far and away, really take the time to read study, look more deeply into the situation, get so deeply that you have sometimes a sense of what it's like for individuals in that circumstance. And because now with the, with all kinds of social media, with the news with the videos, it's happening so easily, often you can see people being interviewed or people are talking and seeing how it is. So that there's a deeper connection to people to what's actually happening for them. So finding ways to communicate, finding ways to listen, finding ways to speak, speak, that are open ended, that are caring, that are that are not an inrush, to fix, and to help. And also be very careful about learning how to communicate that in our communication, in our talking with people who are suffering, we're not first and foremost taking care of ourselves. Or we're full or moving the attention that conversation to ourselves. And you know, classic way of doing that is to say something like, Oh, I know exactly what you're feeling, I went through the same thing. And then we start telling the story of what we went through. And maybe it's not the same thing. We don't know actually what's going on with others. And it's a way of disconnecting that an extreme version of disconnecting. And now the conversation is more buc oneself and about the person we were with. So when people the more people are suffering, you have to be very careful how much you talk about yourself. And, and sometimes talking by myself is a way of caring for ourselves or trying to kind of assuage or calm down or our own discomfort we have what's going on. Sometimes talking fast, talking a lot asking a lot of questions. Rushing to solutions, is more about taking care of our own discomfort and is really taking care of the other person that we haven't learned to get to get to know yet. So, communication is such an important and profound phenomenon, that sometimes I think of the word sacred communication, that somehow the when we when we communicate from the place of practice, from the depths of who we are, then
the communication goes better. And this is why something Unlike meditation, where we learn to listen deeply to ourselves, can show us a place inside, from which we can listen to others with some depth. And maybe even for some people, in our listening in our communication, there are depths can touch their depth. And so that it's really something profound that goes on between two people. I've been in situations of being challenged some suffering in my life, and had conversations with other practitioners, that turned out to not really be about particular suffering were having I was having, but somehow we dropped into some deeper place of where we find the most value and importance in the practice. And that being reminded, being touching into that. That was like the best medicine for me in this situation that I had, and from that I had the resources and the ability to be open to be upright, to be present for the challenges I had. So communicate. So think about, be open, be upright, communicate, and then tomorrow, I'll talk about help the last part of the acronym touch. And so what's important here is that the helping comes after the first four. So that rather than thinking we have to help first and foremost, first and foremost, we want to prepare ourselves to be ready to help and, and thinking, openness, uprightness, and communication prepares the ground for effective ways of being support of serving other people. So, that's for tomorrow. Thank you
