Finding Hope in the Midst of Pain: The Mission of Paul's Place - Amy Torrez

12:17AM Feb 9, 2022

Speakers:

Becky Endicott

Jonathan McCoy

Amy Torrez

Keywords:

apartment

mission

nonprofit

family

philanthropy

treatment

virtuous

people

paul

story

friends

indiana

father

fort wayne

organization

place

lived

experience

pandemic

day

Hey, I'm John. And I'm Becky.

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So let's get started. Hey, Becky, hi, everybody. We've just got to kind of a special air in the room today. We're so excited for going to

Indiana. And we're talking about what happens when someone has a life experience that profoundly changes them. And they lean into that purpose. While honoring legacy. I'm just really excited about what we're about to have.

Yeah, I mean, it comes up a lot on the podcast, just the power of lived experience. And, you know, I think that there is a reckoning happening right now that a lot of people are pouring into their purpose. But today, we have the opportunity to talk to somebody who has been doing this for 20 plus years of translating her lived experience of losing her father to lymphoma, and really paying that experience forward as a family that was trying to support and provide care and to be with him when he was in his journey. And so today we're talking to Amy Torres, the founder and CEO and Executive Director goodness, that's so many titles for Paul's place. And Paul's places an incredible mission that we want to introduce you to and have Amy kind of share the story. But you know, they provide comfort and support all the kind of creature comforts of being at home when you have to be away at home to take care of your family. And we were telling me right before we started, from our experience in health care, philanthropy, like this probably had to be the thing that nagged at us the most of just, you want to help patients and you want to provide care and, but at the end of the day, you've got caregivers around them that are exhausted and tired and honestly need a place to get rest and recovery. And so your type of mission just really does speak to the hands and feet of what people need, you know, at a time of care. And so I'm excited to learn from you today and hear about your mission. Amy, welcome to the podcast. So glad you're here.

I thank you for having me. I'm so excited to talk with you folks.

You bet. You know, tell us your story. Let's fill in some context of what's what did life look like growing up and kind of paint a picture of your family and then that can lead into, you know how this all came to be?

Um, well, I was born and raised here in Fort Wayne, Indiana. My parents divorced very early on, but they always had a great relationship. So we always, you know, got to see my father, he come over anytime. And we really started our bond that early on my father and I had a great bond. And when I graduated from high school, I went down to the University of Texas at Austin, so just pass y'all down there. And when I was a sophomore in high school, he actually had a heart transplant. That was, um, he at that time, he was the 52nd heart transplant here in Indiana. So just, you know, just a couple years beyond experimental, doing extremely well with the transplant. They gave him a lifespan of about five years, we always had a great strong bond relationship. You know, my family all stayed here in Indiana, very much extended family on his side, and my mom's side here in Indiana. So I was kind of like, I would say, the black sheep of the family. But the most adventurous one, I went down to UT. I like, yeah, so it was good. Um, right about the time I finished college, in 99. I graduated in May. And in September of 99, my father called me and he's like, Hey, I'm actually in the hospital here in Houston. I'm not feeling very well, the doctors wants you to come up for the weekend. It's kind of how I put it. And when I got there, they said he had been diagnosed with lymphoma. It was brought on by the anti rejection medication from his heart transplant, and that they were just going to give him medicine to keep them comfortable and go from there. 20 something year old me didn't realize they didn't really expect him to live throughout the weekend. So we, we stayed there, I stayed with a family friend who was a medical student there. And he made it through the weekend. He continued on for about two weeks, and he ended up getting strong enough to do chemotherapy. So that's kind of how it started. And that's kind of really where my journey begins with the foundation of how everything started.

I wanted first just say like my condolences to you on losing your father. I know it was, you know, a couple of decades ago, but that I just can't imagine that that that wound just never quite heals. I also want to draw a really interesting parallel and what you just said, with this journey, we noticed this in healthcare, philanthropy, and I think you've pointed it out and I think it's why maybe your mission is so successful. This, this idea of hospitality, this idea of concierge and philanthropy really aligns with this notion that we have that everyone matters. And when you treat someone so well, when they come into your house, and I use the air quotes of house, you know, when they come into your organization, when you treat them at the top level like a VIP, something happens, and the connection is so ingrained, and the fact that you're pairing that with this deeply personal story of something that you experienced, and something that you wanted to make better. It's just a really beautiful lesson. So I want to go in the pulse place, and I want to hear this Inception story. And it's just, it's a way to pay kindness forward, and you learned some things and you were able to wrap a mission around it. So kind of talk to us about where this came from and how it started. Sure,

sure. So like I said, we he went about two weeks, and he was strung out to do chemotherapy. So at this point, I knew I need to find something different for housing. You know, I, we were in Houston. I was had an apartment in Austin. I knew I couldn't go back and forth. He definitely he was an ICU. So we couldn't go back and forth with me. And so I was talking with the ICU nurses. And can they were wondering too, like, Well, hey, where are you staying at. And I'm like, just kind of couchsurfing right now with a family friend. He's a medical student, but he's going to midterm. So I'm trying to, you know, be as polite as possible, but still, you know, just kind of do what I came here. And they said, Oh, we can do much better. So they ended up finding a church organization that provided fully furnished apartments for families in our situation that were coming to Houston for medical treatment. So there's a big Medical Center Medical Campus there in Houston, there's probably six or seven hospitals there. And the one we were at was literally within walking distance, five minute walking distance from the apartment I was at. So it was was great. The church that had those apartments, actually, the next day, after I talked with the, with the nurses, they said we have an apartment for you. It's provided by such and such church, keep it clean, it's fully furnished, just bring your own food and your own toiletry items. And you'll be good to go. So they gave me the keys and the address. And I was actually on the other side of the apartment complex that was already in, oh my gosh, it was just as great. Now I'm just walking, I'm not even driving to the hospital. So it was such a major blessing and all kinds of friends. I didn't have to pay utilities, I there was no charge or donation requests for me to be there, I wouldn't be able to do anything anyway, because I wasn't working. I was in the hospital all day with my father, he would get treatment for about three or four days, and then recover for three weeks, but he still had to be an ICU the first month or two. Um, by the second month, he was well enough that they said, you know, he can go home, but he can't go to South Texas and he can't go to Austin, he's fast to stay local. So that's where the apartment came in as well, where now he was able to be in this apartment with me, you know, outside of the hospital. So now he was able to get rest, he was not being poked and prodded in the IV cuff or the heart blood pressure cuff going off every 30 seconds or whatever, he could get quality rest and quiet time, you know, in while he was recovering from the chemotherapy. And when when he was still in the hospital. That was also my refuge. You know, like I said, I was there all day. Like I come home at night, release whatever kind of emotions I had, whether it was anger, tears, just joy because he had a great day. Um, you know, it was a lot of things that it it helped me release all of that and then get strong again for him the next day. It was a home literally away from home for me. He we had to go to another apartment because they had a three month limit on each apartment. And so when we got to the second or third month of the second apartment, he was just doing extremely well. The oncologist was like, Wow, I've never seen someone take to this treatment so fast, have such great results in such a short amount of time. You know, they've like, you know, we really didn't think he make it through the weekend. And here he is, you know, five months into it. It scans actually we're clear there was no more lymphoma. So they're like, we're just gonna do one more, just to make sure you know, we've got it all. So during that time, um, he he went home for about two weeks. He told the doctors who was going to do that he didn't ask, he just told them and went home for two weeks. I kind of man. Yeah, yeah. And so the deal was, he went home, I got an apartment. And the day he came back to Houston was my moving day for the apartment. That day we moved in. He he was in the bathroom, I can hear the water running. I'm like, Okay, I'm just gonna lay down here for a second. Get a breather. And then you know, we'll have lunch and I ended up falling asleep for like 20 minutes on the floor, literally just on the floor of the apartment. And I woke up and I still heard the water running. I knock on the door, no response. So when I opened the door He was on the floor, um, called 911. Right away, talk to us, you know, eventually got his oncologist on the phone, just like he was probably gone before he hit the floor, it was just a massive heart attack, just the amount of treatment, the harsh treatment that he had to go through the age of his heart transplant at heart was probably just too much for him. When he passed away, that was March 11, of 2000. When that happened,

I mean, just hearing your story, thank you for taking us back. I mean, you can, I can feel through the screen your love for your father that just radiates 22 years later walking us through that. And thank you for taking us back to that because I can, I feel like I'm in the room with y'all. I feel like I'm in the apartment. And I feel the beauty of what your mission does, because of the small things that you mentioned through your story that I know wouldn't have been possible if you were trying to sleep in your car, or, you know, stay at a hotel even like what the difference is. And those moments that you know, your mission doesn't exist to solve cancer. But it does exist to create the most vibrant possible time for people to get to spend with their loved one. So I think, would you kind of talk us through how did you translate this traumatic, painful experience into Paul's place, and you know, connect the dots of like how you designed it. With that lived experience in mind, I'm so curious of what the program is today to,

you know, I had like an aha moment in October 2015, one of the networking groups, there was a lady from our local library that had a small resource center that helped individuals start through nonprofits, it kind of walk them through the process. What's your idea? Why do you want to do it? How are you going to do it? And how is it going to be sustainable? You know, is there any other organizations that do the same thing that you know, you might be just creating more competition for them or for yourself, so it kind of really walks through everything. And we have a random mcdonald house here in Fort Wayne. And then we have a local chapter of what they call man, Anthony children's health house. So they focus primarily on pediatrics. So there was no organization here in Fort Wayne, that catered directly to just adult patients. So I met with each of the executive directors there. And I said, you know, this is my experience, this is my idea for this nonprofit, I am not going to do pediatrics, because you guys do it extremely well, you know, I'm not going to jump into that this is going to be strictly for the for the adult patients. And they just love the idea. They're like, finally someone is doing this, you know, that could be sustainable. So they were just like throwing things at me left and right, this is what you need to do. Here's the rules and regulations that we have tweak it however you want to do it. Here are the contacts no for for companies that are very philanthropic in this area. These are the people the foundations you want to go to for when you're ready to do grants to they're like, don't do it now do it in two or three years, you know, when you're up and operational, you know, they're just throwing things at me left to right. So I ended up starting the organization at the end of December 2015. And then in March of 2017, we started having our first families. So you know, that was the one thing I had the personal experience and the professional experience to do it. And I had the network and experience to know, you know, this is why I was born and raised everyone I went to school with now have their own businesses are working in their parents businesses, you know, I had that network there of this is where I can go to them to help get this funded. And so we've been housing families since March of 2017. So four years now going on five, almost five years. And at our high point, we had three apartments. And then you know, through COVID, we had to let some of them go. In 2019. Actually, we were blessed to have another nonprofit sell us some of their land that that was too small for them to use. And it's literally within walking distance of the VA Medical Center and the large hospital branches and local downtown. I mean, this is all, grassroots fundraising. We have two major fundraising events throughout the year, and a lot of smaller ones kind of peppered in. And that's kind of where we're at where we've got the plans and the builder and the special permits from the city to build a custom house for our mission. But now, like again, we just need the funding for that to happen. So it's been a whirlwind of a journey, the first four years.

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I mean, I see this very interesting thread. And what you're saying in the in the phrase survival mode is very much a thread not only of your story, but of this mission. And almost of the moment. That's right here, you were in survival mode, as you were trying to navigate this very difficult time with your father's illness, you know, you're in survival mode, you know, once he's passed away, and even in pandemic, I mean, the people that you're serving are in that space. And so I wonder what advice you would have for nonprofit professionals who are working with their beneficiaries or their target audience who are in the survival mode, and they need just respite, they need I just think of peace. And for things to just be handled, what what kind of advice would you give to nonprofit professionals, as you have seen it from your lived experience about how to navigate that?

Sure, um, the best thing I would say, is, take a moment, take a breather, you know, refill your own cup. So you have the strength and energy and motivation to continue on with your mission. And while you're in that space, while you're in your quiet space, or your respite time. Remember your why? Well, you found your why because you started your mission. But when it comes to survival mode, or when you're dealing with different barriers, and anytime, not no suggested a pandemic, but any any barriers that come up, or obstacles, you have to remember your why. And every time I've had difficult situations come up, either with dealing with board members or with not finding enough funding or, you know, whatever comes up, you know, going through a pandemic, where we had a fundraising event cancel, you know what, I've always actually anytime something like that's happened, or I have a split second of, Okay, do I need to think about think about shining it down. Within that same day. One of our families is called, Hey, I just want to say thank you so much for what you've done. You know, it's given us so much peace, and it's allowed our family to be together and not have to worry about anything financially, you know, we have our basic need of shelter covered, you know, and that allows us to focus on other things that are just as important, or more important, you know, that when they're in their survival mode, it helps them do that as well. So, you know, that's, that's, I think the best thing I could say is take some time in remember your why, when you're going through survivor alone.

I think that's so very wise advice. And, you know, we just came off of mental health week on the podcast, we shine the light on that this season. And I think that's right. I mean, I think that's really good advice. Like before you start trying to solve everybody else's problems, like focus on taking care of yourself. So you know, we believe in the power of philanthropy and I know it's it's had to be so full circle to see people join your mission philanthropic, Lee, is there a moment that has stuck out with you? Or to you really resonated where philanthropies just deeply moved you that you will remember forever,

there was a family that we helped right before COVID. It was an elderly woman who lived just 45 minutes north of Fort Wayne, she was getting treatment before she came to us. And then the weather went bad. snowed, she was by herself for her children, her adult children lived in Illinois, and Florida. So they were not here. And she was she's like, I'm not going to drive 45 minutes, it's close, but it's, you know, I'm feeling the effects of treatment, so I'm just not going to drive. So when her sisters are when her daughter's got wind of that. One of them came in from Illinois, and she's talking with the case manager and they're like, You know what, hold that thought. Let's let's see if there's availability. There's more called Paul's place, you know what, they provide that temporary housing, let's see if they have something available. So I remember this call. And I told them yes, actually, I had a family leave a couple days ago. So I do have availability. And the next day, she was able to restart her treatment. Her daughters came in, and they lived in the apartment, you know, she, they were there almost three months, we actually asked for a $10 minimum donation per night from our families. If they can do that, that's great. If they can't, we can work with them. Some do $10 a week, and some just can't even do that. I know, I couldn't even do that when I was going through my situation. So but they, you know, they paid the the nightly donation request three months, that's almost $1,000 Right there. So they paid that she went through everything at her situation was similar to what my dad's was, she was almost done, she had one more treatment to go. But then she had contracted the flu and pneumonia. And she just couldn't recover from that she actually then passed away from pneumonia. So you know, that that really hit me hard, because her situation was so similar to my dad's. And you know, I met the family, I see the family all the time, I check them in and touch base with them. And the her daughters were just just simply amazing anyway, and they said, you know, here's, here's what we can, and we'll, we'll we'll get you some more. I'm like, that's, that's okay. You know, you guys, you did what you needed to do you, you keep the place clean and everything. Well, within a month, I get a check from a church ended up being the woman's church that she went to, they donated another $500 And then COVID head. And then so we went to do an online sponsor night for families, you know, we requested $49 for one night, $343 for a week, if you want to do that, or 1000, little over $1,000 for like a month, and that family donated another $1,000. And so even after their mother's death, they felt so moved by what we had provided for them. And they continue to provide that provide that donation, you know, months after their mother's death.

I mean, that just speaks to the power of what we saw so much in health care, philanthropy, which is the the mightiness, and the power and conviction of a grateful patient. And when you come alongside someone with compassion, with basic needs, with just love and concern, something happens in that moment where you are fused together for life with that person who is enduring probably one of the hardest moments in their life in such a vulnerable place. So I just have a really quick question for you, Amy. When you think about what Paul's place has done, since you opened that first door, I want to know what your father would think about this. And think about these families who have come through, what do you think he would say?

I'm sure he'd say us is very proud. I do have to say that leading the 15 years leading up to starting the organization. The only dream I had of My Father is we were looking for apartments, we were moving into apartments, we're moving into a house. Sometimes he was done with treatment, sometimes he was still going to treatment. So that was it was the same dream. We're always looking for, for apartments, I guess finally in 2015, it hit me. That's what I should do. Because once I started Paul's place, those dreams changed. They went to, we're just visiting. He's like you're doing well. He's like you're doing great, I love you. I'm proud of you. And I think I've had about three or four dreams like that.

I want to tell you that we're so proud of you. And we're so proud of people who chase passion who chase meaning and slide into those gaps of need to be a light to somebody, I love how you have shown up in your community to do what you can to be a light to others. And I just think to me, it is nothing more than an extension and expression of how you love your father in the way that you love these people. So, bravo. Absolutely love this story. Thank you for sharing. Thank you.

I just affirm everything that Becky just said to thank you for the way that you've shown up and honor your dad's legacy through Paul's place. So we ask all of our guests to just kind of you know, round out give us something actionable today, something that has been a mantra for you or a belief. We call it our one good thing. What's one good thing you could offer us in our community? To round up this conversation today?

I would say embrace adversity. Those who can be flexible enough to see all different types of options or create their own options are going to be the most successful whether it's starting a nonprofit continuing through the nonprofit through crazy times, whether it's going through your own crazy personal stories as well. You know, embrace the adversity know that there's going to be obstacles that are going to come up. Take a minute, look at all the different options, see if you can create your own options and go from there.

Well, I really feel inspired by what you've done. And just hearing the story. I love the story of Paul's place. How could people connect with you if they want to learn more about how to get involved with Paul's place? Where are you on social media? help us create a little bit of global community to rally around Paul's place.

Sure, we are on LinkedIn. And we're on Facebook, Paul's place for families that number for families. And then of course, always our website that has our my story on it as well. And that's at Paul's place that org. Well, I

think you've given all the community just goodness, so much to reflect on today. And I just think for the way that you've shown up and push through adversity, your story is so deep and so meaningful, and just really cheering for all the good work that you're doing, Amy. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for joining us. Today's episode was brought to you by our good friends at Odyssey row. Without zero your nonprofit can do more with a login box. Greet prospects and rabid fans of your mission with authenticity simply make it easier for your team to manage data. There's so much about zero login experience can do. Is it auth zero.org For more info.

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thanks friends