So hello on this Monday, as we begin a new five part series. And the topic for this week is, conventionally or normally would be called. Why speech? Right Speech. And a few things introductory words about this. One is that that, in a time of the Buddha, the ways people communicated with each other was only through speech, maybe through gesture as well, their bot, but there was no writing to speak of, there was no certainly no other forms of communication, no, no telephones, no email. And so speech was, you know, the center of the focus for how to communicate wisely. I suspect that if the Buddha was alive today, he would call this wise communication rather than wise speech, because his teachings apply also to would, you know, would apply to all the ways in which we communicate to each other. And now we have so many different ways that are more than just speech. Email, for example, is, is an important example of how to learn how to communicate wisely. And, and overall this year, that, of 2023, the orientation around these 7am 730 the teachings is support for working with the difficulties and challenges of life. Maybe all Buddhism is that doesn't need to be said. But that's kind of what the focus is. And so learning how to communicate in conflict, communicate, when things are challenging, is really a crucial skill, to learn to be in conflict be and challenges in a useful way, in a productive way, in a way that causes less harm. The way to communicate, so we don't make a situation worse, ideally, we make the situation better. And just that is, I think, a powerful principle, the simple principle of, or instructions, don't make it worse, or whatever is happening, don't make it worse. And so communication, to communicate in a way that doesn't make it worse, makes it better communicate in ways that the communication is effective, that we take care of ourselves, we take care of what needs to be done. But we do it in ways that that lead to long term benefit, not excessively focused on just the results of now. But, but looking at what are we creating for in the long term for the relationship with other people. If we, if we say something harsh and strong and no and angrily to people, we might have an immediate effect, maybe the effect that we want. But in the long term, we've now kind of diminished the strength of that relationship which would manage the trust, the sense of safety that people have are the interest people have to be with us. And so to find a way to communicate, so that we're creating long term connections, long term well being, and ones that help develop healthy relationships, as opposed to pulling back from that or severing healthy relationships or creating unhealthy relationships. So, the Buddha had a number of principles or advice for wise communication, wise speech. And, and now there's some places where he has five. And so we'll do those five over today, this week. And these are this poor speech to be timely to be spoken at the right time. speech which is truthful speech, which is pleasant or soothing, or for people calming speech which is beneficial and speech which is kind with a mind of loving kindness. So, timely speech. So one of the questions and all these are questions we can use to ask ourselves when we're about to speak. Is it timely? Is it true? Is it being going to be spoken in a way that's pleasant for people and settling for people? Is it beneficial to say what I'm going to say? And is it kind what I'm going to say? So these are five different things we can ask ourselves, wondering, should I speak right now? And, and? Or how can I speak? So it's this way. So the first one is a timely visit the right time. This is hugely important, because especially when there's conflict and challenges, that different people have different needs. And in conflict, some people need to have time to process and be quiet and be by themselves for a while, before they're ready to be in conversation about a conflict. Some people need to kind of address it right away, and, and to let it stay in their mind. And fester is difficult for them. And in order to find out what's going on, they need to be in conversation. So these if there's the range of how people are, can mean that we have to be very careful to understand is what's the right time for this conversation? Is the person ready for it is the circumstances of life such that now's the time that the person is ready to talk about this. Sometimes when we talk about something, when we want to talk about it, it actually makes the situation worse. People are not ready, maybe they're going through some other difficulty. And they can't add one more to their difficulty. Or maybe they're in a kind of a lousy mood, and to try to approach them with some important difficult topic, when their mood is just lousy when they're tired or upset or something else, that it's not going to go very well. So is it so you have to assess the situation that people we want to talk to? And assess ourselves is the right time for me to do this conversation? Am I ready? Am I in a good mood? Am I in a way that I'm most likely the best of whom, who I am going to come forward for this communication? And, and so for example, maybe if you're hungry, if it's going to be a difficult conversation, make sure you drink and eat first. And maybe that will just put you in a whole different state of mind that you're actually able to be more patient or more accepting or even more intelligent, in the conversation you have. So this question is at the right time is, I think a very helpful question. And too, is it the right time for you to the right time for the other person is the right time for the situation to have this conversation. And, and I find that in certain kinds of things that I would like to talk to with two people about some difficulty we have, that sometimes I'll wait until I feel the person is open to the conversation. And sometimes I've waited weeks or months for this to happen. And and and and productively. So it's sometimes the person opens the door themselves for the topic. And then it's much easier to step in, people are less defensive. But to bring it up, bring something up. That's difficult. immediately. As soon as there's a challenge. Sometimes it's really good. It's clear and clean. And sometimes it's not helpful. Because a person will be resistant defensive, they'll shut down, then they will not ready to hear something. And so and so to kind of consider it's a little bit hard to consider when some people what they want to say there's a lot of impulse, a lot of impatience, a lot of like this has to happen now feeling and sometimes it does. And so yeah, then you should you need to do it, perhaps. But if you have a feeling this needs to be taken care of now. And maybe it should ideally be taken care of now. But when you realize the person's not ready, the person can't deal with this now. I can I could insist on my way, but it's not gonna go well. And I've done that I've had conversations with people right away. And it just got worse because the person wasn't ready. And sometimes even waiting a day or waiting an hour. waiting five minutes is enough to kind of be ready. So to
to ask the question of what you want us about what you want to speak about. Is this the right time to speak. And is there a better time? Is it what's the most useful time to have this conversation? And oh, Mmm. And there's a lot of criteria that you want to kind of look into about what's the right time? Is the person ready? Is the person in a good mood for it? Is a person going to be receptive? Are you going to? Are you going to be able to speak clearly? Have you understood this situation well enough and considered what's going on? So that you can come with the clearest understanding the clearest articulation of what you want to say? And what you need to say? And do you need to calm down a little bit? Do you need to kind of change your mood and come back in a way that's better? And one suggestion I have is that, generally, as a kind of useful guideline, is that if you're angry, this is not to have not the time to have an in depth conversation about something with other people. And if you can learn to find a way to settle the anger, even just going for a walk around the block and coming back or meditating for 10 minutes, or waiting to the next day, then and then address the issue. This is not supposed to be avoiding avoiding issues. When you ask is it the right time, and you sit decided to all wait, that is to be able to have the conversations be productive and useful and, and and supportive for everyone? So, so asking the question in your communication, is it timely? The email you're writing? Is this the right time to write this email? The I've written emails in a hurry when I felt impatient. And then I had to, I didn't communicate well. And then I had to spend a lot of time cleaning up explaining doing something. And so sometimes, I've written emails and not sent them. Sometimes I've just bookmarked the email. So I'm going to reply to this. At some time when I don't feel impatient and don't feel rushed. This needs a different kind of care. And so is it the right time to write an email? And? And does this require more consideration than a quick reply? What's the wise way? To find what with what's the wise reply? supportive? We reply. So, communication, we communicate all the time, if nothing else to ourselves, and, and even there, how do we communicate to ourselves? Are we thinking about the things which are timely, in a timely way, the right time for it? Is there something that's more timely to be concerned with and be focused on? Just that questions, I think, a wonderful question that opens doors opens possibilities can kind of change the the mind stream in which we're flowing. When that mind stream maybe it's not very useful for us and helpful for the world. So why is communication? Why speech and begins by asking the question, is what I'm going to say? The right is this the right time for what I'm going to say? So thank you very much and
