I say feminine energy Yin energy, this ability to listen hold space and to kind of you know be in this in this silence where we can proceed from a neutral state. All the forces that are involved in a situations situation. And I have been witnessing forces inside the design Stein studio, that I know that I probably could have handled better a I still think I'm you know, I'm doing my best because how do you express that there is you know, like, something that needs to be acknowledged and harmonized without saying is anybody's fault is not is not somebody's fault. There is a lot of you know, that's why like they they could because different cosmologies have different cultures because in the in the context of serene spirituality, we can use different tools to transcend you know, a, you know, rightfulness entitlement or, or things like that. That tends to be present in scientific communities because we're looking for an answer. We're looking for a solution. And sometimes the solution is more about our position, our attitude, how do we how do we look at things instead of actually finding you know, like the actual institution that is going to help us the actual tool that is going to save us the actual artificial intelligence that is going to provide all the answers is really I really believe this is a spiritual invitation to really discover who we are in in, in harness this power because it's the power but it's the power that that demands responsibility, clarity, humility, and virtue and that's why my path is more like spiritual more than anything even if I also move in different spheres you know, in the activism, for example, I'm all about a natural law right now and how to how to, you know, create communities that actually don't are not so don't have to, you know, as far as they respect the natural law, the human rights, the rights, the universal cosmic law and in in the we educate ourselves on that, and how to weave together from there in not necessarily obeying these big institutions that I think we can all see nowadays that they're going to be mad. So yeah, I'm talking a lot. Thanks for listening.
Well, thank you for bringing that that part up about your activism because it brings up a question about how that meeting went. With for the Republic of eternal nations.
How do they go last week? I'm really, really
sorry. I actually want to interrupt for a second. I don't know quite what's happening. I don't really understand what we're doing. I just checked on the teller teller gram description and it says that Lunasol Tara is exploring the divine feminine. So I, I actually feel like I'm in the middle of a real tangle of a mess energetically right now. And I don't know what the purpose of the meeting is. There's a lot of emotional energy, and it doesn't feel very contained. It doesn't feel very directed.
It. It's
agitating. Me. So did you have an agenda for today? And are we on are we in it? Is this it
happening?
Well, so here's, here's where we're where Luna is a little bit unfamiliar with leading groups like this, and you can probably feel it right. It's
one of these plays like the vision I have is that this is there's one of those like private air strips like not a big public, um, airport, but what like a rural one. And these planes, little planes individually driven, are just kind of landing crash landing without any sense of organization, right? And it's dangerous energetically, it's just chaotic. In that sense of like, who's the air traffic controller? Um, I just wanted to say that because I now I keep hearing you say thanks for listening everyone, but I don't have an option because you are holding the airspace. So if there could be some kind of container described for someone like me who's not perhaps up to speed, right, I know where to park my plane out of the way. Yes, very. Yeah.
Thank you. Okay. Well, then maybe what I can do is try to try to provide a container for what we're doing here. I really thought of this space, as a way of creating a collective narrative space, almost like a writers room where we are, in effect. You know, there's this idea of we're all the protagonists in our own film. And by but then I'm thinking of Luna soltera. Really bringing the idea of well, who is the protagonist who is the self and and it's coming out of this exploration of the divine feminine, recognizing relationship to Mother Earth and the wider relationship to Sun and Moon. And then, exploring Buddhism. And those ideas of interbeing as a way of thinking, Oh, the smaller self might be me and, and my sense of self, but as that sense of self grows into a kind of oneness with all of that is Luna sotera. As a as a name for for moon Sun and Earth then helps me conceive of, well how am I connected? To all of this at the same time, my greater self and so the the idea really comes out of well, how can we as a smaller prototype of how we learn how to cooperate together as human beings. I came up with this idea of a cooperating manual for being human, and then started creating mental models for what that might look like, and found, oh, that's a really interesting way of starting to connect everything up in a way that seems to make sense to me. I wonder if it makes sense to other people. And can we turn this into a kind of narrative as how we learn to connect to the heart of Mother Earth?
And,
and it's this process that I I kind of introduced the cooperating manual for being human with is I am connecting to myself so we can connect to each other so I so we can connect to the earth to make a world that loves itself. That's kind of the grounding of the whole narrative is how do we get there and so what I've done is, I've invited everyone into a website that I've created, where we can post articles or maybe what we're working on are what we're really passionate about, and that becomes ways of us being able to connect with what each other is working on. And through that interaction that becomes you know what I've found it just, for example, working with Veronica Anderson, on this installment process for five months so far, is that interaction has really transformed who I am. And I'm hoping that there's been some reciprocity in that relationship as well. And I think that's what we do with as human beings with each other in conversation and interaction with each other. We're always changing and we're changing each other through that interaction. And if we're more intentional about that, like actually, well, who do I want to become? How would I want to write that? That story of who I'm becoming and we kind of write that together collectively, it shifts our our attention from the ego self to the collective self and then to the the larger self of Mother Earth and beyond. Does that help?
If I may, just one other question. I see Lucas wanting to also say some things or perhaps are some things I don't know. So what happened at the beginning with this reference to somebody called Matt, who I don't know and then this kind of explosion of energy that happened around that and the interactions that were quite fast in the speed back and forth between people. Is that part of this or is that just an anomaly that occurred because of something that was said?
Yeah, I didn't properly sort of set the stage for what was going to happen here. So we were just doing some introductory okay conversation and then it sparked something. I think that that then we are embroiled in a conversation around something that happened, you know, within our common experience in the design studio.
Thank you that that that is helpful that I can just feel everything kind of go Okay.
Thank you. Yeah, sure. So I did want to say thank you to everyone who has signed up to the website. So I think so far we have probably about six or six, seven people signed up to be authors. And that's kind of the intention is hoping that that could become part of the writers room. And I was thinking through this morning, prompted by Veronica Anderson Have you heard of notion, I looked into notion as a way of coordinating groups to work together in collaboration. I found another project called CODA and came up in another group. And I'm wondering if that might be a way of of being able to invite people into that kind of collaboration, but in this particular space. I was more maybe interested in we could start with, for example, like a rambling, two or three minute check in just to let people know who's in this space. Where are they coming from? What are they really passionate about? Where's their story leading them? So last time, I left people with the question, what is universe calling you to do that no one else can do as a prompt. And maybe we can start there. So what we can do is, is we can do a kind of circle where we have a Talking Stick and and I'll point to someone as you know, tell us about your week or what you're you're passionate about or if you want to follow that particular prompt and just do like a tweet two or three minute introduction. And maybe, yeah, Luke, you've had your hand up for a while. You wanted to say something about that rambling ring
I wanted to say something about many things. I personally think that today, what we're seeing is core to the crux of the challenges of the design science studio, of what's not going right in this process. And I think that here, here, we continue to talk like we all walk away from here, and then have our own echo chambers inside of us. And those are beautiful things that give wonderful feedback. But when we actually come here, we need to be able to do like, it's like serve me up one or two or three things at a time, and then pass the stick and then rather than narrating your your long brainstorming process, narrate your your provisional conclusions, and bounce these back and forth at one another so we can actually so like when, when I know is sharing her feelings about about AI, where AI is not helping us if we actually were like, This is a space where we listen to one another and we pass it back and forth. Maybe we could dig into the fact that I have stories about very specific ways in which AI has helped me about very specific problems I had that are counter examples, you know, and then we can look at this. Like we can have a more vibrant discussion. But but this is how these conversations have been going consistently is that we're not good at passing the talking stick and I don't do two or three minute check in like, I don't like that I'm tired of like, kids stuff. I want to like I want to play but play well, and it's like two or three minute introduction. It's like sometimes somebody needs 10 minutes and everyone will hang on every word and sometimes what we just need is one one minute and we don't always need to tell everything about what we had going on going into this. We don't always need to be introducing all of this stuff and we can use the text channels and we can use the like the verbal channel and we can use them in an intelligent like self conscious consciously decided upon way and then we've this beautiful rainbow here. But if we if we if we like put all this emotional energy into like collective and settlement process, collective therapy, that we look at it like at times, and then can't step up to the challenge of we have to share the space and really listen to one another than then it. It really it's going to it's going to go off off the tracks
maybe that's the that's a good way of setting the stage for the conversation that we've been having. Around Well, yeah. How do we cooperate? How do we have these conversations? How do we make this more like moving the needle rather than Okay, well, let's let's just listen to each other. But actually, like, how do we collaborate together? How do we do something well, and maybe that's bringing up another thing that keeps on coming? Up in in conversation? Just around how I'm evolving the enrollment process is less doing more being
you're holding space beautifully for this, Steven. And like I think that the idea of it being a collective narrative project is beautiful and that the writing going forth in this is major obviously you've seen already this is major inspiration for my writing, but about the website is like I'm looking to explore circular writing, like writing circular texts and all sorts of other like other ways of writing and so so like website doesn't excite me as much as Discord server, because Discord server, I see ways of making it a mock like a intelligently moderated dynamic living texts that were creating and like creating an uncreated like and this kind of thing and I'm not saying I won't write on the website, but but this is like if you're just holding space and you're just being then I think that like to cooperating with the doing is going to be a little more subtle than if you're leading the way in both departments simultaneously. Right.
I mean, and I also have to apologize for just like,
being
like I'm listening to like, you in my head going stop saying sorry for being late ruining sorry or something. I don't know what was
ruining sorry. Well, I had I went out yesterday because I found myself like I struggled to like say sorry for like I've been struggling to apologize for certain things I know. I should apologize to in the last year, but then I've been also feeling like tremendous like oh my god, I cannot believe that you can like two people I like that you can do this and that and that you cannot apologize and that I can see in you the level of recognition of what you've done. And then the like just failure to speak up with an apology. It's like I can't even I've been muted. I can't speak in response to like, I can't believe this isn't coming out of other's mouths. And so I've been like like it's been the sitting on me in some ways and that's where this comes from is like I want to scream at people when I hear Sorry, sorry, sorry, like all day about these things I just don't care about like and then I missing these huge saris. It's like stop ruining sorry like, can we please all just fast from saying sorry, or stop saying like, like, Call to Action stop saying sorry about all the little things and then let's all together in 10 days like after 10 days of not saying sorry for one little thing like start saying big saris for the big things that we all there's so much big sorry to say in the world today. But we're in the place of the benefit of the doubt right?
How do you mean the benefit of the doubt?
It's like if you think that it's maybe sorry, or maybe not, don't say sorry. Because you're you're in the place of you. You are the apology. You're the you're the person who you know people can come with all kinds of like feelings and sentiments about people your age who look like you and then beat you and be like, man, just like Stephens great. And so like you are the you know, like that's what I mean you're you are the sorry. Like we need to make sorry, a great art like and Luna soltera is this opportunity, I think to do that in a very beautiful way. Are you
ready to speak Sorry, I just I just move by, by the intensity this morning. And I guess I dropped into trigger as we were starting to call so it never it kind of jumped into the stream and was off on its own and we all went with the flow. And I think that's part of the nature of why we want to be together is to be in that flow together. It's just is there. Is there a writer I think yeah. So that was kind of Claire's question. And Steven, are you talking to somebody they're richer for?
Yeah. Sorry, I've been muted. Sorry. That's what I'm apologizing for. It is this feeling of I purposely went through my entire design career not taking on a kind of leadership role. And so if I'm not the natural leader, that's, you know, creating a proper space where where things feel like this is coherent then that's that's where the apology comes from. But as I'm it exploring, well, what is this power that this identity has? How does this power lead? I think it's for me, it's always been leading from behind leading by example, or leading by creating a model for, for how to be saying what people tend to be saying about me in general is how to be a calm presence and allow for conversation for interactions that then can grow into empathy for for another's perspective. And for me, who's like I've been struggling with my identity my entire life. What like what am I? Who am I? What am I here to do? What how do I project myself into the world? I don't really want to be like the social media personality. Or, I don't want to be flogging my work all the time, like liquid I've done but at the same time, I recognize I've got some agency and I have something to say that, you know, for the longest time, I don't even know what I want to say. So that's why I'm like I'm, I'm in the business of seeing what other people need to say because as a designer, I become invisible and I I work on other people's identities and brands and whatever they want to call that. And so now this is like oh, it's it feels different, sort of planting a flag in the, in the, in the dirt and then saying, I think this is who I am and who I want to be. But I'm still unsure of who that what that is who that is. Where, where that is how that is. And at the same time, I'm recognizing, oh, I'm becoming like, different parts of everyone. I come into contact with and I find that beautiful reflection. Receiving light and then reflecting light back is where I've been able to connect with people. And then people go wow, you you saw something you reflected that back to me and then I didn't even see that in myself. And now I have to sit with that for a while. So then people have been doing that for me as well.
And
I think what I know brought into this was just through that, that prompting of like what happened what? What was interesting about it was I came in to the Design Studio holding on to a project that I've been like, really, really wanting to bring forward for years and then realized, Oh, and here's where I let it go. Let go of the ego because you the project's already done here. And now I don't even know what my project is anymore because here we are living it. So it's been this process of reinvention and reinvention and just having fun with it playing with it like oh, now it's
like I can be
just ridiculous. And then go I'm going to create an interface for navigating metaphysical gravity because that's just another way of saying something that I've been doing for 30 years is working on that particular project. But now there's different language that I can give to it just because I'm putting it into context with Buckminster Fuller. So
that's where
I'm not even sure what I'm going to be doing in the next month. My daughter this week has found out oh, they are moving to Williams like and now there's this window of opportunity where they've got to find a new place and and then time is relieved of all this pressure. To take care of children in a manage all these meetings and now. Okay, well, what what are we doing next? Especially in the design science studio, there's there's a lot of like, balls have dropped and then how do we start juggling again with a new structure new new kinds of business models or relationships with money? Seeming Yeah, it's that's what I've been what I'm inviting people. into.
Yeah, and you've been asking this question. What you're saying is like this question that has been being asked about how do we continue this thing, and what structure do we give to it is, you're voicing it again, but they act like it's needing to be answered sooner or later sooner, the better.
Exactly. So this is my particular experiment in Okay, well, if I could create something, what would I create? And, and it's this is me stumbling around going, well, we've got a group together. That keeps showing up. And I've got to pick from my bag of tricks and go okay, here's here's a rabbit out of the hat. Like, what can I do in a week or whatever? So so that's why I am pointing to Coda as Okay, well. I wanted to be able to show more today, but then I realized just before the call. Like everyone's got to have an account with Coda now. And do we want to go that route or just stick with no Google Docs or whatever? Like coming to some sort of consensus about how do we work together? What is the work? And, again,
that's dangerous, Steven.
Yeah, yeah, right. Because it's
like, we won't do anything. If, if it's like we will all stand around waiting for can can we? It's like, can we come up with a horizontal agreement about what it is that we're doing? It's like, maybe like you've you started something i We've talked talks about me renaming my like, land node here in Costa Rica after this me telling that story has given this, you know, has given this big energy people are responding to the writing that I'm doing that has that the personality is playing out. Here on the ground. I would love to offer up some of the, the, the tendrils of that story, and then to see if somehow that can be woven in with other people's stories to to, you know, make use of this time to actually create a narrative, but, but like I say, it's like, can we even get to the meeting? Or are we just rambling ring, two minute, three minute introductions and then this or that plan about what platform and what consensus are we going to get to at what point where I'm not really sure where all this stuff is going? It's like, this has gone somewhere already guys, I have news, if we can ever get to that part of the meeting, but like, I'm like, you know, this is and then part of the news is this is this is one of the big things I hear here broadcasting to me is like the the we got raised in places like in schools where it was like, Don't do what you want to do, do what the teacher tells you to do. And then we walk out and it's like, do we have passion to do anything anymore? And we grew up you know, we lived in cities where they ran newspapers, that all got sold to corporations and become fake news and shit. And so we at one point, lived in a world where we imagined that there was this you know, like, these periodicals where we could learn about what was going on in the world. And so we trusted somehow that things are going on, do it does anyone is anyone going to step up and create the news platform? And is anyone going to believe them? If Sean does it? Will people trust that Sean isn't just Shaunt? You know, little old Shawn, what does he know? I know as much as he does like, you know, rather than that, like Very good. Thank you other me for having done this role? Let me tune in now. Like can we even give authority to one another to run with stuff or are we too fussy about whose credit it was? Like? whose idea it was?
Yeah, so I'm just recognizing that I know, you know, she probably left a long time ago and I didn't even notice. I'm just reading the chat now.
Yeah,
about that permission that that started this. That's what I was getting to was. I came in holding on to a project and then realized I'm I'm letting go of that project because this group is calling to more than that now.
So why don't we I saw Stephanie's hand go up for a second but then, you know, Kim,
yeah, can we say something?
Can we do that just I just like to hear how the projects are, are weaving together somehow.
Can I speak for a sec? Sure. Okay, so just to like sort of, you know, say what I think I thought Linna soltara is okay, just because like Luke has his idea of what it is I have an idea of what it is and just to get clear, and other people right. So it's sort of like you have an idea
is a collective book
that can grow into all these other things. So what I thought it was was Lunasol Tara was a character who I believe was you or your daughter or you were trying to figure it out. What I don't understand is if characters are writing Luna soltara Except for the fact that if they are Luna, Sal, Tara's friends, or people who Luna sitar meets along the way, these other characters and how Luna Sal Tara, who is you integrates with these because or is Luna Sal Tara, like wants to be the whole of us, which it isn't it's one and it holds the whole of your whole of that point of the whole of itself. So just sort of like what I thought was, I was gonna be this character, who you know, bring in my story through a character through this roots and wings that connects all the pieces where it connects, connects up with Luna, sitar and these other characters, and I thought there'll be like a writing space or workspace and somehow it comes through different ways. You know, the whole thing with the you know, I have channel I have rivers here with a media company with a magazine there, you know, there's different people waiting, wanting information. You know, whatever news that is that comes through if and if Shawn even wants to do the news like that, Shawn, like how that came in? I'm not sure but like, everybody's got their pieces and how they hold them. And some people think that their pieces overlap or don't overlap. But these are these are lines and storylines and they they weave in different ways. And how they come through is different ways. So I just think it's like, you know, if that's what it is, and it's a book then like whoever like structure book writing or like, instead of just maybe saying, you know, tell me what your thing is like, send in a Chapter like where does Luna So Tara, where does your character in the book of Luna sotera Begin or right now or what's the weave of it? I have to, I have to step away but that's kind of what I thought so hang on. Yeah,
I just dropped in, in the chat. You know, there's the creative brief, brief the collective narrative.
And
so the Google doc Just as a brief overview, and I'm not sure if everyone's had a chance to look at it. I know Luke has had a brief overview of it. Yeah, the whole thing has been evolving as as I have been evolving to so.
And to me,
it's recognizing that the spheres are connections of energy of relationships and in the way Buckminster Fuller was talking about, Why think about structure Why think about tensegrity? It's that the the nodes are the vertices and each of these shapes and structures in what he was calling for dimensional space, or for directional space is it's indicating that there's there's all of these complex relationships going on in universe and and it's almost too much to put into just like a book or a film, tiny little storyline, but these can become kind of archetypes for as we're prototyping what a regenerative world looks like. I think people need ways into that experience. To be able to go well how do we get from this boxy house into that into the forest? And here's where I'd love to hear what Luke has to say about well, things are happening on the ground here. Let's let's figure out how this actually connects to suburban Abbotsford in Vancouver, Metro Vancouver area in in su mas nation's territory. Like there's actual connections going on all the time. And this relationship is is making that possible. I don't know I can
share that but I have a need to put a little bit of food in my body myself right now. Okay. Just like a fruit snack and but be I have a sick human being nearby who I need to deliver some broth to. So I'll I'll be back in like 1015 20 minutes. Okay, like I I would and I would love to share more. I really appreciate that. Like all of all of the acknowledgement and the mirroring. That's gone. In today's call.
Well, thank you for doing that. Look. That sounds like an amazing
I don't know, Act of,
of healing, or
just ordinary, you know, the ordinary stuff of life, right?
Yeah, for sure. Well, we haven't heard from John, very much today. What's going on with you?
is controlling everything.
That's right. Yeah, maybe he's just he's got a it's kind of a key keep his his own thing and then in the control room. 30 is, yeah. It's all the strategic experience. Managing all these bodies. In a complex environment. Well, yeah, exactly.
I can plan 24/7. And there has to be parameters. There has to be playlists. There have to be agreements. Everything is going to be 30 seconds, yada, yada. So what I'm finding is in the in this week, I've had some great experiences. I've had some challenges. I'm right up front in the old paradigm with news in my face. eight hour eight to 10 hours a day. But as you said earlier, the beginning of the call, I can be in the control room and the out of control room at the same time. I can be my spirit without being what my body's doing to keep me employed, etc. I've had wonderful experiences with Claire I saw a beautiful memorial for a man's life yesterday. I've had some ideas that have come across my screens. Now, as I commented earlier, in my experience with the DSS when I presented my project, everyone had an opinion everyone had ideas about how I could change it. And I had to establish my own parameters and say, I will go here but not any further. I had to be strong within myself. And in some respects, I enjoyed it in other respects. I had to actually stop communicating with some people because of the energy I was receiving. So as I proceed Lunasol Tara, it was Stephens expression of finding more aspects of his personality and exploring what could be communicated and known. And I have taken it to be a desire to experience life on Earth, with the sun and the moon as being both the male and the female influences. And so I'm kind of at that aspect and hearing from good people that I met through the DSS and through other ancillary channels. So that's where I'm at right now and I'm, I'm trying to participate and just hold space and enjoy the creativity of like minded individuals. So, I'm done for the moment.
Thank you for for sharing, John. What that brings up for me is what's happened this week where I was going to have a meeting with the now National President of the design professionals of Canada, which was, I thought, okay, opening up a new chapter in my relationship to that organization that I had been involved in for something like 27 years. And so they kind of threw me out what it felt like was while I was leaving for for
for reasons of
this doesn't really resonate with me anymore what they're doing because it just feels like an old boys network.
And and when they
this woman became national president, I have a close relationship with her that has been cultivated over a decade or more. And, I mean, not really close, but but at least we've we've created a report and so she's like, Come back anytime. And so we're going to have a meeting on Wednesday, and it was a no show and I'm like, Well, I wonder what happened there. But it wasn't really worried. Except I was wondering, oh, what's wrong? It turned out her. Her mother had passed away and she had to fly to Mexico City. That's why the meeting didn't happen. And so she reached out with an apology. And like no need no need for apology there. But then I also had another person in my circle, reach out and say, here's some stuff I'm working on. Here's, oh, meet this. This woman who's been an art teacher for a couple of decades. She wants to support one of her students who's got an art opening today so you want to drive. I didn't expect that. So we went went to this art opening. It was an indigenous man. Speaking of the experience of her his mother and grandmother in residential schools and in Canada, and he had created a sculpture and all these paintings. And the sculpture itself was related to that experience of the residential schools. So it was celebratory but also kind of a heavy experience. But the whole thing was, oh, I'm connecting reconnecting to my local community here. And then figuring out well, how does that connect to Luna soltera who I'm becoming here and I'm just testing people with okay, this is a litmus test for how people respond to my story. And that becomes part of the story as well. So I see Thank you. I know for coming back into the space Did you did you have something in particular that you wanted to respond to
them? wanted to say thank you a Claire for clarifying and I apologize if my passion for what I you know, my values, maybe reflect also my young age. And yeah, I am with my heart in this I also want to leave because I wanted to reconnect while I'm waiting for the train but I'm low on battery.
So just
wanted to say that I have a lot of gratitude
Unfortunately, your signals breaking up to
the people
in front of sorry
Yeah, I think we've used last week. Okay. Hope happy travels on the train. Then. Your your signal really broke up there but we look forward to seeing you again.
Mark your urine screen. Did you
wanted to respond?
No, actually, I had to switch devices because the battery was feeling that might happen. So I brought a backup device and I'm not even like I'm like okay, on the iPad hudway seat, everybody. So I'm dealing with like, Where'd y'all go?
All right. Yeah. Well, we still have a full crew, but maybe in different abilities to respond at the moment. Yeah, we we just lost I know. So maybe I'm really grateful Claire for you being being here and being patient for you know, what this is the dynamic emergence of this. This particular group is like, well, it is dynamic, and it's going into a lot of different places, but there's something to learn from your wisdom about holding space.
Well, thank you. Thank you. So I, right from the beginning, I kind of had a thought and it's something Mark and I have touched on kind of just by happenstance in one of our many conversations over time, over a short amount of time really, in the grand scheme of things, which is that this kind of Chaos Energy, you know, obviously it has a lot of potential that fizzy that fizziness has a lot of potential. And I am aware that organization and adjust Energy Organization is really key to coherence and the Chaos Energy. Obviously it's a part of the creative cycle right is the aliveness. But it needs to how to talk to each other, beyond personalities, just the energy itself, you know, has has things to say and things to contribute and shapes. You know not just ideas, but all sorts of qualities. So I sort of feel like it might be really helpful for people to actually if they want to, to research dynamic emergence, because there's lots of reasons that exists and today's kind of reminded me of one of them, which is that there are these people who have amazing vision and drive and passion. And sometimes it needs support to create sort of an internal collaborative structure. And I'm realizing that that that that could be provided potentially and it will be up to individuals to decide that for themselves. By coming to know that, Mark, I think you're smiling that you're kind of silhouetted so it's a little hard to be sure. Yes, looks like I see teeth there. So either that or you're growling, but I think you're smiling.
Yes, I'm smiling. I'm enjoying. I'm sitting here, looking at a manifestation of what you're speaking to. Which is really fun for me.
Okay
to share that.
So and Luna I just because I could, as of today, I just looked at the Google doc I hadn't seen that before. And so that that's a beautiful backdrop for me now. It's like, oh, this is what they're trying to do. So yeah, on the one hand, of course, I could just sort of show up and help facilitate if that were needed or wanted in ways that work for the group. You know, that would be a collective process to decide how that would look. Rather than some someone coming in with another airplane and kind of go and just kind of landing wherever I like landing. But I also just kind of, I think it could be really interesting, because it's a cosmology that we're talking about here within this dynamic emergence piece of cosmology that say originally it wasn't a cosmology. Originally, it was simply I just knew that that I had a need to clarify for people that wanted to help understand things, how our energy works, how it influences one another, how it how our energy interacts and how we experienced that as a result of interacting so it interacts because it's alive. Right? And then there's my name is Claire, and I have a personality, that changes. Thank God and hopefully, over time, right as I evolve and get influenced, and take in new information, and adjust things and am adjusted. So that was originally what dynamic emergence was for was just to help people kind of articulate for themselves. Oh, this is why I feel so shy. out of character shy around this person. This is why I feel so confident around this person. Because there's this thing about the feeling of resonance and that can be consonant or dissonant, it can help us expand or it can keep us kind of at neutral, not in a fixed way just kind of non provoked or it can restrict us and there's all sorts of physiological things that happened with that restriction, which are usually rather uncomfortable and then and then the thinking has to kind of adjust to becoming more survival oriented, and less creatively expanding so that was the original thing. And then for some reason, it's suddenly the new thought came in once that had been achieved. With all the Mind Maps was like, Oh, well, actually, I think I need to generate a cosmology that this sits inside of, I was like, Oh, all right, then. So I did. And that Cosmology is the sort of concentric spheres. They look like circles on the map, because at the moment, they're just 2d, but they are spheres of energy and consciousness and intelligence and different ways of knowing and being that are generated by each of these layers. And that includes planetary consciousness, infinite consciousness, and this interior consciousness, so different ways of knowing. And people find it quite helpful from the feedback I hear and have been hearing for a while. So that's it. I just want to share that that is an available resource and might be helpful. Even if only one of you felt like oh, yeah, I think I'd like to go through that process. That might be enough to help create coherence because it's a really helpful tool for articulating across different ways of knowing and being you know, some people more mentally oriented. Other people are more sensitive, really, and others more emotionally, and these come with different languages and sort of bandwidths of tolerance for each other. You know, we have different biases within that that are more natural to us. It's sort of our at risk state. And if we have an awareness of that on the line anguish that comes with that for each of us subtle language, you know, not not talking to different string Greek and French, but just the subtlety of how we narrate from our own reality sphere, and how we might understand one another more easily. It also helps with things like triggering and overreactions and stuff like that, how to language that in a way that keeps things
contained without restriction. I'm not a fan of restricting things, so I don't think you know, generally speaking, unless someone was coming at me with a saber, I'd like to restrict that. Right? You know what I mean within reason, just the subtlety of communication and connection. It's such a beautiful art, you know, communication in and of itself is in fact how we bring things into being or delay them and affect them. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, of course, because it's if something's a collaborative, consciously collaborative, it's always collaborative. But if it's consciously collaborative then knowing how to fly that plane, this plane, right, you know, we I do feel the responsibility there. I feel like I'm responsible for how learning how to fly this plane, so I don't crash it the people that's my responsibility. So and it's also it's also extremely exciting because with that responsibility comes the freedom to travel. Right, if I know how to fly a plane, I can go anywhere. Yeah, anywhere, any plane. No, I don't struggle this plane told me rounds.
Right. Right.
So um, so I'm looking at Stephanie's in the chat. Spherical thinking is a common language, dynamic, resonant language to fly with us. That's what it's meant to be built upon. One day on earth, the moon came into sight. Can you imagine that moment the first time you see that? I don't remember the first time I saw that. Anyway. That's a lot of information. Sorry, if that was sorry about sorry. English and we say sorry about everything. Yeah. I reserve the right to apologize about apologizing
was only responding to a conversation that Luke and I had before and it was like huh, I'm it made me self aware of being Canadian. And you know, story is what we do.
Stefan is commenting, apologizing happens to be a human aware of itself. Nobody in England will apologize if someone bumps into us or treads on our toe will apologize as if our toe was somehow the culprit. I mean, that's how far we take it. Yeah. But yeah, I think it might be you know, I'd love to offer that I just, I just, it's there for so many different reasons. And one of them. One of the most important ones is to help people a feel comfortable in their skin but be know how to collaborate together to build a better world. Yes. You know incoherence. Yeah, because there's so much fighting that happens because we're not really clear about what the energy how to manage our energy like it's like a stallion in a sense, you know? And you don't want to necessarily tame it to the point of domestication, but it would be nice to be able to ride with it.
Yes. So it's Yeah. Well, that's, that's what I love about your work is how resonant it is with what I've been doing. For quite a while. I've been creating mental models that can operate as sort of maps for being able to navigate reality in a way where we understand reality better. And it's coming out of a design background where I'm like, How do I help my students as they're making a transition in their careers? This is a major event in their lives. Were like something's not working in my life right now. I need to find another way of working that allows me to be my creative self. And so that's what I was being hired to do was okay, I will mentor you for six to nine months or whatever it is, sometimes a year to, to help you make that transition. And I had to be very empathetic and careful about how do I encourage this sensitive soul to be able to navigate this really crucial moment in their lives where they're trying to learn something completely new. And, and so for me, it was, okay, well, we're teaching them about here's an empathy map. Here's here's a persona. This is how we understand the people that we're working for, because we create these narratives in visual form that then we we use to communicate to people who are the major decision makers within a corporation and so we do that through the language of design, but I'm, I'm telling them like this is storytelling. And you have to get good at being able to tell your own story and then be able to tell the story of this organization that you're working in. So that people understand what you're trying to say. And you know, I love the way that you're taking these ideas about cosmology and then going and these are almost like maps for how we we fly a plane. We navigate these bodies we we ride, like all these different metaphors that you're using are are drawing from this recognition that, well, we're not trees, we're human beings and we can move around. Bucky was noticing that it's odd that we plant ourselves in homes, we domestic domesticate ourselves, and then just feel like we got to stay in one place and then you know, that's our address how we connect to all these financial systems is through this address. But what happens if we can navigate metaphysical gravity? How would we do that? So you have something to say, Claire?
I do. So I just have a simple question. Really. If this is a meeting, to further the development of this storyline, the book How is the meeting so far contributing to that?
So far I think it's
today, today's today.
Okay. Well, I see you, each of us as being Yeah, like, wine houses. Yeah. We're. We're the characters in that narrative, and to understand how your story weaves into the story of Luna soltera. is actually knowing who you are. What are you doing? How is what I'm doing connecting to what you're doing? And how are we helping each other through through this process? That's, I think why I wanted the to invite the check ins is because that's orienting me to like the nodes on the spaceship, if we're gonna use buches idea of, we're all on different parts of this spaceship connecting to our local bio regions, and these compute community networks. And what I find really interesting is how as I'm exploring media and and relationships I'm discovering Oh, I don't know Kate Bush, but somehow, like, what she has been doing directly affected me. Something like you know, almost 30 years after the fact through this artwork that she was producing, sang in released in 1985. That became a crucial part of me becoming Luna soltera and discovering this authentic self. And so I'm fascinated by that idea of, of the interplay of human beings and media. As a creating art or design or whatever it is. Like that's having this kind of like, in chaos theory of the butterfly flapping its wings, that kind of effect that we don't often acknowledge or understand, but a big part of that book that I dropped into the chat was about, like this idea of consciousness, matter matter being derivative of consciousness, is what they're saying in this book is that's gonna completely change our cosmology. And people are scared of that idea of, I'm not even going to ask that question because I would have to change everything if that was true. Yeah, go ahead.
Okay. So thank you. I do need to just I feel like I keep meaning just to kind of jump in because I, I feel like I'm trying to call for something and it keeps coming back to you talking in a kind of rambling, circular, but not even necessarily circular way. So for me just for the accuracy of the intention is that the nature of the agreements between everyone hear that you talk a lot in in not necessarily directive ways that this is about emanating something that then people take away and work with? Or is the agreement that each person is is wanting to bring something into the actual real time conversation of each of these meetings if they're on Sunday mornings, for instance. So I am curious about whether there's an agreement that's been verbalized. Between you all about how you hope this time that because all everyone's time is, you know, is precious, I could be dead in an hour. You know, how did I spend that last hour before I died? Did it feel like the right way to be spending it even if I was sitting on a toilet if that's what I needed to do? Fantastic, I did the right thing. But it's so I it's like a long game of tennis. This is feeling like a long game and tennis where everyone's on the baseline. Right doing forehands and backhands and there's so many other places to be on the tennis court. And it's not just between you and I. But it is if someone stepped in and if an alien came and watched what's happening right now. They'd think for sure that this is your meeting and it might be because it has your name on it right the Lunasol terror group. So I don't have that knowledge about what agreements and understandings have been made. I don't know if you need processes or if you're really happy with it as it is. That's those are just things I don't know.
But I am curious.
I am curious. If people who are here Stephanie, John and Luke, for instance, what their expectations are, and if if you would find it helpful, all of you, each of you and all of you. Do you have suggestions about things that you'd like I don't you know what I mean? These are curiosities I have. I see John John craves more structure. I create more, I crave more efficiency. So we've got structure and efficiency, Luke and Stephanie is there anything you crave that you'd like to see here?
I'm not really able to speak right now. That's not a call from but I do say that just, you know, structure and like all of it, like the clarity of what it is what we're doing here in order to progress is to have it have structures so that we can all do our parts and keep it together because we all have these different parts that we're can participate in. So that's, you know, having a structure how they know but what we need to like, what we're doing and some maybe even visual about where it's going, but it's a way to bring people's projects together through through storytelling and that's
the focus, that's what I'd like
I'm putting these in the chat. Thank you so much, Claire. So efficiency so far, efficiency, clarity of what it is what we're doing here. That Stephanie, another one for me was preparation. For for a meeting to feel like time well spent and inspiring. People need to know if if anything is expected of each of us to when we show up so that we can deliver on that and share it and have an anticipation around that. That also builds the energy. And then Luke is saying focus. Mark did you have anything you wanted to add in there?
You know, it's interesting because everybody's looking for a way to contain control and refine is what I'm hearing. And I'm at a place in my life of the magic of just showing up and see what happens so I still would hope for space of that this to have that call Trent Abreu.
Okay
so that's in the chat now. So yeah, so really just being clear about what each what I think I love personally love those the various qualities and just mark feedback from me. This is these qualities that I'm asking for and not about controlling. They are about enabling. I think when energy is not when an agent doesn't doesn't know why it's in a room, it dissipates. It can lose but you've seen me host meetings were there. It's very loose in terms of what's allowed him to emerge. But there's a way that people have come together that enables that to be to feel productive, to feel tangible. And like something's directing it. But that requires us to show up in a certain kind of way. So that we know how to collaborate in that energy field. I think at least based on what I've experienced today, which doesn't feel coherent, in the same in the same way and that can change of course.
Right next day you meet
and I think I'm mostly showing up with curiosity about I don't know what people are going through and and what's going on with their lives. And a lot of what seems to be drawing people to this space seems to be well, there's a connection here in relationship
to
what we were hoping for from the design science studio and then what what expectations might have been missed there. are being fulfilled somehow here just through maintaining the dialogue on a regular basis. It feels like well, let's continue on what we had because that kind of dissipated because there's no project there's no leadership around anything. Was someone speaking sorry.
I was just I mean, I guess I'm sorry. I don't like I'm gonna I don't want it drop. I just I just thought that like, you know, a space like that is what like Monday, moon days is like I thought this was an action group of creating something together. That moves it through. So it's like, the faces might collapse a little bit, but I think that what we thought this was was a vehicle.
Right? Yeah. So then that's where I wanted to add to it was, okay, here's a creative brief. Here's maybe some tools that we can work with, to. For me, it was to explore the collective narrative through something that I'm I'm able to do is provide a website that has the ability to generate revenue to be able to send out newsletters and if there's a way to actually bring all those connections together. Now into what are we all working on and then, like direct each other to here's what I'm working on this week. Here's what I'm really interested in. Here's a book that I came across. And then those ideas start weaving together in the website, where now we know who's written that because it's connected to their author on the website and all of these ideas can be filtered according to theme. So then it starts to create some of its own coherence just as we're like, what kind of ideas come into the writers room? And then how do they they become expressed so we could actually use that Google Doc as Alright, here's where we start going through the particular ideas that get woven into the plot of how does this all work together? And because it's so like, for me it's like the Bauhaus trying to figure out well how do we create a pedagogy around something that hasn't been done before we just learned by doing that's kind of the space that I was hoping to create here. But I do have to, to apologize for there's a whole bunch of chaos that I'm dealing with at home that I'm like, I can't even prepare for this meeting properly. Because like my, my wife and my daughter and my my grandsons are doing other things that are not in support of this. So I'm like, Ah, even this morning, right. So I appreciate, you know, any help I can get for organizing, organizing this in a way that actually has efficiency. process and all of those things cuz it's not something that I'm I have a desire to do that, but it's not happening.
It's happening. It's happening. That's why we're all here. You know, and you've been making it happen since the day I met you and that's, that's for me. Really. I honor that journey of being next to you and looking at this horizon together. Yeah. And all of you and and so, I keep hearing familiar things, and it just makes me recognize that I guess I'm just going to take control or not refine focus or apply a little of my this this morning into into what I think what I expected or was hoping for gathering with you all would be about is sharing this notion of a character that we're all somehow resonates through together. And that to me is beautiful. That's really cool. I mean, I've tried, you know, it's somehow a leprechaun, a tongue twister and that it didn't ring the same way and recognize it with Altera but yet they all feel like a leprechaun cube to me, and, and these ideas that are being presented of how do we take this kind of this notion of metaphysical gravity and and how things hold together? It's kind of magically in a social sense that we have so many humans on the planet and we're not really massacring ourselves. We're actually somehow getting along but under false pretenses maybe or what have you. But yeah, we have the capability to do that. Right. And I don't know how to bridge this story other than just to start it and say, I think I found the sense of place for Luna soltera. And I was trouble, you know, like, troubling how to leave it because it's actually a physical space. I'm here. I'm sitting here. And with Deborah, I was like, tomorrow what every time I like I'm gonna go down to what do we call this place? What are we We're gonna need what's it gonna be and you know, and so for me I have to go through like Well, the story is, you know, there's there's, there's these trees here. And Claire, I started the story with you, but they're these. These trees are quite large. You can see how large that one is right. But the middle one here is shorter now because the top of it fell off and that's what you're seeing here. And when it fell, it knocked down a lot of the branches. That's why you see gaps in between. And you had all these sticks laying all over the place in pine cones for last couple of years. And it was like, Oh, this is a fire hazard. I should attend to it. I want to be a good steward to the land. And so I've been been been doing that this last week. But I'm very present with this idea of this, all of these stories that are emerging dynamically through all of us, each of us in our own way. And yet somehow they they weave together. And so when it came out here to tend to this pile of stuff, and think, Oh, I'm gonna have a pile of wood, I gotta tend to, it's going to be a mass. Where am I going to put it? How do I get rid of it? I'm not going to have a fire. Here's another fallen tree top. And you can see those branches everywhere. That mound of pine needles must be five feet deep. And I started clearing it I asked the branches like what am I going to do with you? And the first thing they said was, well, here's lien a couple of us against the tree and see if you can be can stand up and so I started working on this project this last week. And there was a a weaving with Claire that happened in her divination Monday morning, and then I started this even though I knew I was going to be out here doing it. I didn't know what it was going to evolve. into. And as I said, Deborah and I were trying to name it. We're trying to come up with what would be the right sense of place for this. And she said, you know, it seems like a lot. I was like, Oh, I like that word but a lot because everybody goes Oh, you're making a Ford. Like it's not a Ford
said launch. I said, That's it. I liked that word. Let me let me look at the etymology. And I looked at the etymology. And I said to her, Do you know the etymology of this like it actually comes from the idea of wolven like tree branches, it comes from the root of leaf that that you can make a a shelter in the way things grow. And here are these branches now, all together, but the sense of what this is gives it a sense of place for assault. And that is it's eternity these Lodge. It's a figure eight. It's an eternity symbol. It's a incident symbol that you can actually walk through and around. So here it is, it's representing all that is that came from the treetops and fell down and asked me to put it back together in honor of their brand structures that still survive and the most amazing thing about this infinite symbol that means all there is for all time there is is how Integris it is, and the fact that there's actually nothing holding it together. Other than a sense of intention. And now it's like really strong, and there's nothing Well, gravity. Gravity is involved in that. And you can go in and there's three portals in from the outside, you can walk around the circle. So it's like or Boris around the outside the circle and her Twisted Sister infinite symbol, and you can walk in and you have a choice. You can go left or you can go right but you know what will happen? You'll end up going inside and you wonder the incident symbol, and there's the cross where you could go that way. Or you could go that way. So matter of fact, this would be like if you were to follow the path here and then we'll come back. This is one of my favorite spots to sit and I invite you all in here I've been waiting to do this with you I did with Claire the other day but I had to leave our coffers.
So welcome to eternities lodge I was thinking very dearly of you all and Luna soltera
has a sense of place where we gather under the great trees and every once in a while the top will fall and falter and we'll come and pick up the sticks and put them back together in some form and shape and we'll just keep doing that until we can't sort of feels like a sense of place to be for for assault. So that's that's what I've been working on for Luna solitaire this week.
Interval eternities launch
Well, it's it's very spacetime it's a sense of place, a sense of time.
That and less here and now of this human experience it just feels like Yeah. Well, what what Claire is speaking to, you know, just in clarifying that the intentions of the meeting I think that's kind of it right? It's I like hanging out. But, but not just hanging out because I'm, you know, busy trying to do things and wondering where this is leading but I in a lot of ways, I don't know. But I'm I'm curious to where it's all going because we're not in the same place. We were just moments ago. We're spinning around and, and weaving together spacetime into this. This experience of some things calling us back to this lodge of eternity so there, there's been this story of the I've been calling them strawberry moments of finding myself in the forest and then discovering Oh, I'm I'm communing with a deer and it's two young fawns and it's just nursing there in front of me and standing there in amazement. That was that was a strawberry moment. I'm just excited that people keep on coming back to this group. So I'm trying to, like what are we going to do and and so this time it was well, maybe we need a place where we can create tasks and, and documents and whatever and but there's limitations to technology. So I'm just like, bumping up against that particular limitation. But if we have, we've, we're all on this one website together. David Bloom has been working on something during the week. That's kind of what I'm wondering is what each of you want to add to it? And it can be you know, within the limitations of, of what's there, but I mean, that's just a vehicle. Well, and we don't all have to get into that vehicle. But that's what I'm proposing.
This is a story living experience. And what's calling me to it is it that it's responsive, and that it's actually got a spirit of calling forth responsiveness like Lunas. soltera is born on September 11 2001. And is in some way, you know, it's like born out of something of the dark masculine, which I personally think, I mean, I have a story about about this that could come out in here. But, you know, it traces the origins of the dark masculine to the the excess of the masculine initiation are the excess of the male initiation, the excess of the masculinization of humanity and humanity as the masculinization of the mother, material planet. And so this, this is a push back within, you know, this ongoing, like this process of exponential growth of this problematic parasitic way of life. It's like a push back and this call almost to be responsive, respond to the situation around you. And that's like what has connected me with you, Steven, and that's what's connected me with Luna soltera is my connection with you like, but what's connected me with you has been that you've been responsive. And so there's this this is what gets me is that there's this desire, Claire comes and then has this desire to respond to the chaos of the energy which was already I mean, I struggle to like to communicate with I know we've had a number of, of Spats where like, you know, it's like I feel like my truth doesn't get you know, I hate I don't really don't like talking about my truth. I don't like that language. But if you will, my truth gets responded to in such a way that then makes me feel like whoa, like time wasn't taken to look at things carefully. Before we rejected and said no, this has been something that's been going on but he the the verbal space is so full, and then even this thing about the website, it's like, what's the plan? Like? It's like, this thing is barely allowed. We're not even using the time we have well, we have this page of of time and the the, like the ears of the other people, and we have the opportunity to to tattoo some experiences onto this time. And are we doing that well? And that's like, what I hear is happening in this story is like, like how we want to respond to one another and we all have different ideas about how we want to use our time and we want to mediate this you know the we want to mediate the the different push and pulls on it, right? And that's and that's like, it's archetypical of what's going on in the world and I could keep going on but I don't want to take up all the time. Well,
you had you had mentioned something that you wanted to tell about what was happening there in Costa Rica. Did you did you have space for that?
Yeah, absolutely. It I don't know if I can say that. This is a consequence. It's not like a linear story, right. But here I am trying to. I'm trying to make a project which is about letting go of trying. And I'm like working at articulating a a vision of something that was like you know, why is something important to me? Like I just know it is and and then there's this call like, I seem to be somebody who people want to speak like, right? It's like, I almost want to be like me personally, I almost want to be like, Yo, I'm just a verbal person. I don't want to write a book. I don't want to string together a long prosaic thing. I write poetry and then dance and performance. But people want me to write. And so there's been this call I've been like sitting on that people want me to write and so I sit on this, like, what am I going to write where do I start this narrative that it like, you know, weaves everything together? And so, sitting on that the right words and names to start things and describe things has been utterly integral to finding how they fit together and to be able to share what they are. And so just having this oh, well, I realized that people need a name that's more memorable having this story to tell people that here I'm renaming this retreat center. I used to call it hello God Tay. And now I have this story that I'm part of this collective storytelling project. Inspired by the design science studio with my good friend, Steven bow. I could tell you more about this story, but it's inspired me to rename the place into Luna soltera. Even just having that story. People are like, Oh, wow, that's a beautiful name. And they're like, yes, a memorable name that people can like, that people can pronounce easily is super helpful. That's so valuable. And so then it's an into a further conversation. And so where does Where does Luna soltera feeding back because I could I could tell you then the vision for you've been asking me Steven like what you know, it's like, there's this call, right? There's this call to present what it is that I'm wanting to do here. On the ground? How do I want to present an experience of these dark rooms in this forest? And so like having this responsiveness and having this inspiration and having this backdrop to then coming back and approaching the Earth itself has been been giving me a different like, you know, ideas about how to you know how to approach actually, like a person being here. Like, like I'm finally getting an opportunity to win I'm here not like needing to build it, but like, Okay, I'm a human being who's part of the service of the project is bringing my well being and sense of self to like in a more coherent way. I want to leave space here for like, if Does anyone want to feed back and give me where do they want to hear me go or questions or anything? Can I just
ask? This is sort of a background question. How long have you all been meeting not that long? Right in this subject? In the lunar solitaire solitaire room?
This is probably maybe meeting for okay. Yeah, yeah.
Stephen and I talk regularly outside of this.
Right. So that's, to me what's been interesting about this is that it's an extension of what's already happening in other gatherings. as well. So it might feel
like
I mean, out of
out of sync out of sorts with someone just entering and going what's going on here. But if you've been part of the other conversations that have been going on around this, it's like it's just, it's just part of the same conversation.
So yeah, getting back to what you were you were asking Luke about. I think it's really interesting how I'm not even sure how to say I know how to how it's spelled, but I I realize I'm I'm gonna butcher the the Spanish pronunciation of it.
Oh, Nagato
hyung Oh, God day. Yeah, you don't you
don't got to. Okay. Yeah. Better than most. Good. All right. How that name is changing. Like that. That's what was really interesting to me about what, what Oaken was doing this week to was he was writing something which was going to be the first post by somebody else other than me. On the website, but he said I got a I'm working through the emotions of it because it's, it's so key to his experience of being adopted and then discovering who his birth mother was. And the tragedy of that, like it was a life and death experience of like, why am I here and she's not here
and
he's, he has this experience of working through traumatic experiences with people because he was, I think, you know, working as an EMT for a long time, and then just discovering i I can't do this anymore. It's too traumatic.
So he's relating Luna soltera to a manifestation he witnessed and then go on. I think that's the name of this manifestation. Right? I was not expecting that to be part of the story. But that to me is really interesting how the name becomes different things to different people or even different places. Now it's a place name, possibly, right. When
is why I like that rambling ring. Yeah, main. Yeah. When it's not annoying me because it's good. The rambling is getting in the way of it then spiraling out into a particular direction. It's a fun place for it to come back to
you and I can't remember all the wordplay that we're we're doing with a rambling ring
like the circularity of it, but also speaking to commitment but also
hunting gambling
sorry, punting with what?
gambling?
Gambling right. Yeah, right, right. The the gambling ring
so just how it's connecting to these questions around we didn't think we had permission to redesign any of these things.
But
this crisis that we're in, is calling us to go yeah, what you thought money was which is like it's just this group of people gambling over? No, we don't have anything to risk because we're like the public purse is just handing all of this money to us. So we're just gonna go run something called the stock market. It's just it's a gambling ring. For the criminals who have taken it upon themselves to to manage everyone's money and then just go yeah, we're just skimming everything off the top for for us really? Basically,
Steven, that's the reason why it's not a gambling ring. Really. Because if you understand how it works, then you win.
Right? Right. Exactly.
And that's, it's like if you understand how it works with most forms of gambling. You don't play No, I mean,
risk is too great. You're just gonna Yeah, the house always wins.
The house always wins. Right? It's a I mean, unless you're gambling unless it's like horizontal gambling, which would be the fun thing would be as if we could come up with a way of having all of the play of this being a totally horizontal story where there's no authority, there's no author. There's no authority about the fate of Luna soltera. But there is such strong, collective shared intention that we always spiral back to about about what like, you know, some sense of what Luna soltera is here to facilitate or embody or express, or whatnot, you know, if that's shared intention is so strong that that horizontality can actually be the foundation for us, like just spontaneously dancing into coherent dynamic emergence, right. Yeah,
I mean, that. So that's the way I was thinking of this was okay, well, what if Luna soltera is actually my daughter? Like, it gets convoluted, though. Like if I do that, and that's why I kind of needed the writers room to go like that's a bad idea. It just raises too many problems for how we were going to write the narrative for this character. can't it just be you your authentic self? And then
and then it's
as Claire was saying, when she was prompting this shift in identity, it's, well why are you writing about your daughter? Is it is it your daughter or is it your authentic self, which is riskier? And I went, Well, yeah, it's riskier just for this to be me and then to actually inhabit this. This identity was at the beginning of that week that I was going through this kind of like baptismal death experience. It was. It was bookended with strappy going, Well, why not just inhabit this identity? And then with you, Luke going at the end of the week you're having a question about whether your, your female psyche and a male body with this LOL, note and WhatsApp like that. That just sent me into this contemplative space of, of going through my history and then going, hmm, like, Where does this female psyche come from? And I just started tracing all of these plot events in my life and going Why did I never see that? It just became so obvious that oh, yeah, it's my authentic self. Because at the beginning of the week, I was totally convinced that this Luna soltera was my unborn daughter. That in itself was a surprise which, which brought up some strong emotions from my wife and then it was now it's going beyond that. It's it's my core identity. So then. To me, you know, thinking about navigating metaphysical gravity and then how do I What are my Am I on the waves? Am I navigating landmarks on on the ground what are the nodes that are helping me to orient myself to a particular space? And for me, it's, well, the relationships are what I'm navigating, and they're what are grounding me or orienting me to which side is up and which sides down on on waves that are constantly in motion. But what I'm pulling on is all these different threads. So that's where Mark comes in with. With his, his Metho s and our mythos and, and oh, Rodney, the story of a Rodney you know, that just kept on coming up. Where? Okay, so I'm connecting dots and pulling on the threads and weaving the fabric of space time. But that's what we're all doing. And so it's
recognizing that these communities that I thought were just this is just me and it's not connected to anybody else, it's like, no, these are all of its connected. And, and so I'm trying to look at that whole tapestry going, how do I even describe that? Where where all these threads are coming together.
And
it's really interesting looking at what Mark's working on which is a little bit of what I'm trying to work on in this forest, is I've collected all these branches that have fallen down in wind storms and and now this this feels like another thread of I don't know how it weaves into the story, but there's something here Yeah, I don't know. It's, it's frustrating that it's like there needs to be more efficiency more structure more. That's what I would desire for this whole thing. But the whole dynamic emergence of it is, I don't know what to make of it. But it only comes into coherence as I'm pulling on those threads and trying to figure out where they all fit.
If I may, I just want to make sure that the idea of structure as I'm holding it, in this context is is landing the way I'm sending it, trying to send it so structure does not have to look like or each person gets five minutes to do this, then we move on to this. It's its structure, as I'm holding it in this context is is to do with just a shared understanding and thereby an agreement of what the space will be for us, the US who's in the room. And that might be different each time you meet. But if some people are coming with one expectation and others with a different one, that's when the energy can become conflictual, just because it's trying to orient itself is trying to find his pattern. And that's the purpose of I would say in advance unless you make a meeting about that. Okay, this meeting is about us deciding how we want to do it. And part of those decisions might be Well, we'd like to just be completely open in a sort of beaumier Mask dialog way. Which is probably about as loose as you can get truthfully, all you know, but that's the part where I put in the chat earlier about preparation. The preparation is not the same as homework. It's just simply knowing that if I come to a particular meeting, this is my anticipation of the kind of space it's going to be not the exact space, but just you know, this will be a didactic space, this will be this kind of space and just I feel like that's an imperative. On whoever is calling the meeting, that those intentions are shared and similarly understood.
Sure. Yeah. Well that's, that's a prompt then to just go okay, well, let's pull up a, you know, a Google Doc and then just add into maybe the document that I've just created for Luna soltera and then go, okay. Why don't we create that agreement for what these meetings should be for and and what people are expecting from it. So what we're going to say look,
I don't think we have a vision of what who heard people want these meetings to be yet we got to get the vision before we make the document. That's that's what it seems like to me.
Welcome, could we use use that Google Doc as a way to just record what those intentions and visions are,
but we may be getting out of this mode where we use an inordinate amount of our time planning on grounding ourselves later or at some point, you know, in some sort of document, or some sort of discord channel or some sort of like, I feel like this has been the conversation of the DSS is this perpetual, what medium do we use? And then when and and I'm just like, want to scream because I'm like, I thought it was all rapid prototyping. This is got us here. Can we use here? Well, I actually don't have like the luxury of waiting for a not like I'm like into this position where it's like, in my world on the ground. People are like, taking me up into the their projects and their stories. It's like I'm a hot commodity in some way. Not for anyone who pays, but for all kinds of energetic vortices. And so and I come here because this is like a hospital to me. The DSS has been like a hospital. And that's and and that's like what I it's like I that's what I hear coming out of this is that the art of hospitable space holding. And that's part of why it's like Steven, you're perfect for this your medicine you're like the perfect core healer in this incarnation of hospital because you just want to be rambling ring. And I want to empower you. I believe that the rambling ring is actually the right structure, but we need an onboarding and an like, we need a process whereby it's at least I believe that this could become the very center of the DSS and that it could make it so that every every meeting of the DSS if we do it, right, every meeting in the DSS feels like a fun event. You know, but we actually have to give it space to grow into something into a vision. We haven't even held space. I feel like for it to become a vision before we ask it the structural wise, and that's like where it's like I can't even I can't even get like I can't even take you all the way to what already has a shown of itself of itself to me and I could then take you to the vision of what I'd like to give it a structure to but it's not it's not it. We need to hold space for a vision to grow of what kind of structure is right for this thing before we can write a document about it.
That's what he's proposing Luke. He's proposing that all that he writes is, let's hold the space so that we can see what the vision is. He's not saying let's decide now what it is. Earlier in the chat you said it cannot stay rambley what I heard you say just now is that the thing you value about this most is that it's rambly. So can you hear that it's not very clear from a safe optimizing principle what it is exactly how to move forward when there are so many different needs. Not necessarily self reflecting, you know, kept checking back in. I don't understand that personally.
I didn't say that it can't stay rambley I said that I don't call it it's no I looked at the chat. I said I don't call it a rambling ring was such fondness. I mean, it's like a I gave it that name out of annoyance and then have found good things that I like about it but believe that it needs to find its structure underneath that. That's what I'm trying you know, trying to articulate and that's what I'm trying to call space for. And, and I didn't hear that, you know, that's not what I heard was Stephen. And that's part of what I think that this is about is like it's we need to we need to sort out because what I heard was Stephen was the desire to write a document that gave it a structure and I'm like we have we even have we even envisioned destructure yet but but I cede the floor be like
right so no, no, do I have it right in terms of what I thought I heard you say which is simply an invitation to Shall we put down in terms of creating some kind of grounding, that one of those things that we will hold space for is the emergence of a vision because Luke I heard say, we don't even have a vision yet. So that that would be one of the intentions is to be listening for the vision. And you just simply wanted to write that down in the Google doc so that when this leaves it doesn't just evaporate again, into the air. So did I hear that right?
So one thing if I hadn't made it clear I have Stephens otter AI is recording this session and I hope I've made that clear that that's that's happening. So things are getting recorded and have been at least for the last few weeks. That has been like why it's kind of a rambling ring is because that information is really crucial for me to understand, where does this go? What is this? I can go back into the record and and see where those threads were leading. So then I'm not sure if any of you are familiar with Jon Stewart in the Daily Show and he's created his own Netflix series now called the problem with Jon Stewart. And so he's going into the problems of the United States and trying to deal with like how do we actually have a proper talk about these issues? That is not just a back and forth. Essentially a food fight between the left and the right which never goes anywhere. It's just perpetuating itself. So he's trying to get to the heart of the issues and then speak coherently and intelligently about each of these things. Because the media is not doing its job. So he feels like you know, if if they're not going to do their job then I'm going to do their job for them. But with some humor, because that's that's his shtick. But he what they do in that show is they they show him doing the presentation but they also cut to him in the writers room where he's coming up with the ideas and then hashing these things out with the writers in that room. And so that was given me a picture into well, that's how a writer's room works or how would it work for you know, if you're doing a
you're
you're the showrunner for a series like foundation or, like I went to school with a guy named Michael McLennan who's now running a show as a producer for Tiny Pretty Things. And so I found a podcast where he's basically going we have a writer's room, which essentially became like group therapy. Because we're going into our histories and then like, I'm sharing something that I thought I would never shared with anybody. But if this helps move the narrative forward. Now, maybe we can add this. And then it gets woven into the story that we're creating. So that's where this this inspiration of this particular meeting comes from is, well, how do we become that? How do we become that writers room that's hashing these out and I think it comes out of a rambling kind of discussion where you don't know where it's gonna go. It's like Pixar creates this structure for their, their architecture, because people need to ramble around the entire building just to get to the bathroom or to go have lunch, and they keep on bumping into people serendipitously which fires conversations and then fires ideas that wouldn't have happened otherwise, if you didn't have that. That synchronicity, synergy, sinner key, this entropy going on. There would be no life to the stories. And that's really, what I find is amazing about these realms and conversations is there's so much life coming out of these interactions. serendipitously throughout the week for me and I'm wondering how it works for other people within the group I don't know if that's a good prompt for people to to respond. But yeah, if we want to, you know, to actually do that, like, that's my particular revision for the group is having some sort of like rambling conversation that that actually interacts with the ongoing work throughout the week? And for me, it would be you know, I'm writing a book or it might be a graphic novel, which then is inviting me now to bring back my artwork from from out of the grave basically, because I haven't picked up you know, art supplies for for years, because the design world kind of beat it out of me. And coming back to this now it's Veronica gone. Well, why not try comics, it doesn't demand perfection. But it weaves in storytelling and and I said, yeah, maybe a graphic novel. So it becomes the storyboard for what we're creating. And it's so now you know, if I can have images of what's going on in each of your worlds, then that gets woven into the artwork and the the storytelling and the the character development and the plot. And it's because I've never done this before. I wouldn't say I'm I've ever written narrative like this. I've mostly focused on essays. So you know, I'm curious about how do we go back in time, two years and go, How did the design side studio get to here? And how did these people find themselves in this space? That's kind of where the curiosity for me goes is okay. Part of the writers room is doing the writers research of, I need backstory, I need motivation. I need to know what kind of odd characters need to come into this. This play and and how then do we write a coherent screenplay out of that I've been rambling
enough. You know, that sounds like the backcast your exercise to me that sounds like you know, the back cash and evolutionary Alliance mediums tasks at hand. Right?
Exactly. That's what what Luke has been, you know, texted me through the week. I haven't had a lot of time to respond this week. But is this that wordplay? Like that's, that's one of the things that brings us into the space it's stupid and Stephanie Bouken and you and me are all playing with words in some way. What? It's, it's a kind of poetry. Yeah, and the songs that that Claire's been bringing into the space
and so John's perspective is, is this control room? Professional storytelling space, right? Where it's, well, this is where we actually you know, create the fake news or the distractions from the actual story that we're all living because it's like, it makes the money. But what makes the life what makes the energy of relationships that we are actually engaged in? That this is all distracting us from?
Mother Nature's like, calling us right
that's why I call in hospital and the arts of hospitality. And I think about the art of invitation, and making an inviting space to weave your story in. And the invitation to to, you know, to take from here and to radiate out the offering. And think that these these are things this questioning, like there might be a beautiful thing with this rambling ring where we come back where we have a story that structures it. So we always come back to the Oracle at the entry to region era. And the the question of, well, I might go back to the to the degenerate world. And what do I ask this oracle now that I'm here, like and being at that and maybe we can always come back to that or something like that. But there's this question. We're all we're all we have all of this question, which is this open ended inquiry. But part of that, you know, and then that question is also directed towards us. And we mirror that and there's this invitation to join in. And so there's this tremendously hospitable, conversational, emotional, interpersonal space that we host here.
That sounds so much like aura, Boris right. You described that the circling around and if I could, honestly the experience of walking around this thing, and stepping into this eternal symbol and having to, at some point, get on your hands and knees and crawl through it and stand up fully able to go through it. It's just a precious story to be within and to allow ourselves the opportunity as frail as it is like anything could happen one of these sticks comes down whole thing crumbles. But the story there's something Integris it's its strong, tardy. That only happens by more threads by more sticks being woven in the story. That's what it feels like to me. Is it a it's that circling around that, that being sphere with it and just letting it happen? Which I guess is the the rambling ring concept, speed on itself on its axis, creates its own kind of gravity. Right, which is what partly is holding this whole thing up of the nestedness is definitely gravity. But also there's this tension between things that are just barely there in some cases. So it's only going to be through us getting together and having these opportunities to to do this, but there's an aspect of is there something trying to be manifest out of it? Or is it the act of doing this and wanting to bring more people into it? To experience it? Because it's not really a thing. I mean, it is when you look at it, you kind of get a sense of there's, there's a sense of meaning to it. There's a structure here, but who the hell put that together. You could have never plan that. The sticks asked to be put in that way, and I just happened to help come along and do it. That's what you guys are all that sort of feels like, just as we are in that place of saying, Oh, this is the world we'd like to see I'd love to see this eternal LIJ experienced by all that, pass through but John, say goodbye.
Thanks for being here, John. Appreciate that.
Yeah, that's the thing you can step into and out of the moment at any time, right? And bring forth what you've got to share. And conjure into the space. I love Stephanie is well Claire still Claire's. I don't think she's cooking and building furniture. Yeah, I do appreciate the space that you hold for this and that everybody brings forth to try and figure out is there structure here? I didn't know how to build this what it would be it it but it turned into this and it just felt right. Just gonna give it the time and the energy
Yeah, I know I. For me, it's all of these experiences are having this cumulative effect just in the same way the the notes are going through the AI right now and they're just adding to okay, there's there's important threads of dialogue here that that are that are going to return and somehow get woven into the story. But what was interesting through through the week, working or last couple of weeks working with Veronica is she keeps on reflecting back. You're holding something here that we need
and, and it's like we're I'm waiting for this opportunity to actually like okay, well, what, what am I going to do? She's like, I can't wait to see what you're going to do with all of this. Me too, because I can't. I'm tired of waiting. I'm frustrated. And that's that's why I hired you. Like, how come I can't move this thing forward?
So what did you think Stephen of the thing I sent you this week about? Using astrology to help guide people into this?
Yeah, so my, my initial response is or was, you know, at that moment was Oh, my my two year ago, self was like, oh, that's, that's a little too much for me. I'm not ready for that. No, it took some time to get to this stage where, like, oh, yeah, that that'd be interesting. And I was just meeting with someone this week. That's like hackles raised immediately when something is is confronting his particular cosmology and his understanding of the world at that point. So I'm like, I think that would be amazing to be part of it. But I'm not sure if I can lead with that. Because I'm trying to invite as many people into the space as possible, where for some people, it's like no, that's an immediate no for me. Yeah, well, that's I mean, and that's, you know,
me I'm deep down the dark arts but then am such a chameleon. Like, all the time I'm in that position. I'm with you. I'm like more thinking it would be a secret side of it. But more of what I'm envisioning is that if we could give this a living place structure to the story making, that we could then make this into the core model of a unit of the DSS and then the the DSS becomes they can add these to it and they can add people to these. And so how you might then monetize the DSS because these can be composed of you know, all kinds of different relationships and how, like, how we can monetize it to an extent it's like we're going to match make you into your ring, base like and you come into the core ring, where we juggle many relationships between the different sub rings, and you you buy our matchmaking you come into the core ring and started having an experience and then you have the possibility of paying somebody who's in the network to then okay, well, I'm gonna help you find your your way in it.
Well, as you're saying that I'm thinking, maybe those are the rambling rings is people self selecting or mentors, selecting based on a What's your cosmology. What's your narrative? What's your your mythos as you're coming into this because that's, that's going to inform what direction you go in. So, there can be an astrology ring, there can be like an evangelical Christian ring, there can be a Buddhist ring.
There can be whatever they can have all kinds of differences.
Yeah, but but acknowledging that those stories are there, they exist. They're all part of the the whole story. So we're not here to exclude anyone from participating. We want to know like, what story are you coming from because then we can honor that story. Like that, to me is very Lunasol Tarish is is it's all part of the whole and entered not, you know, that's what's weird about Canadians. going, Oh, we're a secular community. That means like, we don't have anything to do with religion. Oh, bullshit. Like it has everything to do with what you set up here and even your atheism and your secular you know, democracy constitutional monarchy is completely based on some sort of story. And, and you can't deny that it is. So let's be upfront about what that story is. And then like, actually look at it, which is what we were never allowed to do is, you know, interrogate it. And so that's, that's, I think what we do in this space is, is we look at those stories and really, really figure out like, they're not even separate. They're all part of the same story, but they're, they're different. Different Perspectives on on the sphere. So all we're seeing is different frames of reference. And to me, that's what we're coming out of is this renaissance idea of, we're just looking at the paintings in the gallery. And just thinking that's, that's the windows to reality and we're we're missing that. There's like this whole sphere of reality outside of it that that means those aren't separate. perspective and perspectives and worldviews that are incompatible. There. They might be incompatible to each other, but they're all part of the hole. So what are you going to do with that? You can either go to war over it, or you can actually figure it out. Well, yeah. That's human experience.
Yeah, you'd need to have a means of mediating between them. Yeah, there's no there's no way around that we can get. We can like you know, individuals can say, Oh, I don't want to debate because I don't want to go into that ring of clash, that we as a society can get around the fact that we need to do that.
So that's getting to the heart of your idea, right. It's debate as a as of meditative or contemplative, contemplative practice.
It's it's that it's it's this simple.
It's that
we could think one way or another on any side of a controversy you can think one way or another and that you already have a pretty likely this is in most cases you already have most people already have more of what they need to get to the right side. You know, think like thinking on the side that's more accurate. They have what they need to get on, more accurate than their own opinions already. But they don't have a good debate in their own head. They don't have a debate at all in their own head usually. They just we have this very we come out of our voices in our heads are often the echoes of our voices that we heard outside of our heads. We're in this we're in this chaotic loop. And so what we often have is just like, you know, a mirror reflection of the outer political world, which is just I declare, I agree or I disagree as if your authority like you have the authority Yes. You're entitled to your own opinion. You're also entitled to be stupid, I suppose. You know, if you really want to if you really want to close your ears to reason and don't if you want to not expose your your thought processes to logic, and people have all kinds of reasons why they don't want to expose their thought processes to logic, because people have been conditioned with such fear. That even entertaining certain possibilities as potentially true. Is so emotionally challenging for them that they're they're habituated to to clinging strong to the conclusion before they they've they've gone through the debate. So so my my added, like my perspective on debate, which I didn't like, at some point on my first trip abroad, somebody was like, you don't want to make the life a debate. And I'm like, No, I really don't. And then I've have all these friends who are like, you don't want to keep making so much stuff for debate. And it's like, no, I really don't but at the same time, it's like I also don't want to eat whatever is put on the table. Like if people are in the habit of putting poison on the fucking table, I don't want to eat it. And then I find that they don't like that, that they don't like my No. And so then I become a person who has who has reasons why he does things instead of like, you know, because I've thought for myself and people, and we have this culture of knots, not thinking for yourself. So it's like literally like I don't see another way to mediate our conflicts or to be intelligent besides doing this process in our own heads. And if we if we can't do this process, if we have such strong emotional, if I can hold every view I have just like a like a fictional like a potential, like as if the entire world is made up and all ways of seeing are made up. And then I'm completely unattached, right. I'm like that are like, I'm like that absent minded Professor archetype. If I can do that, then I can go through this debate with smooth sailing, and I can come to the right answer and then I can implement it right if I have the resources, which is why you get one you know, some of the some of the ends of the suffering archetypes in the world today are like inwardly I'm like the absent minded professor you know, but I then can't get the stuff done that I get concluded to and so I don't feel valued in my role as being a really good listener and integrator, and I feel like that's you and me Stephenville both have suffered that but different people or have holding different spaces for for different you know, traumatic, traumatized voices.
Yeah. Well, then, as as Claire's, signing off, like, that's the major piece that I think is is the central plot element of Luna soltera is she wants to be an artist, a journal. I'm sorry, a journalist, a writer. And she's writing a book called The Dow the way in the third day
to
for her to make sense of her own identity and to make sense of how you how do we navigate metaphysical gravity? How do we navigate life and it's all about like, the way the different ways Eastern Western. They look like antitheses to each other. But there's a synthesis going on as well. And and that's, that's maybe where I'd like to end up with Claire.
I'd like to just say something by me.
Yeah, that's what I was inviting you to thank Thank you.
Luke, I'm having real issues with the way you I'm hearing. You're like track things. If I feel very much a sense of provocation, and anger. So the provocation is kind of just like this spiky energy, a feeling of entitlement that somehow there's an entitlement that things should be different. And that that's part of the anger and there's a certain bitterness inside this energy field. And I hear it, you kind of I hear it and pop when you talk. And It troubles me because I I've learned from experience myself at least, that that space is self harming. And it doesn't generate the things that will ultimately be helping us become happy. I'm speaking as an older person, I'm speaking as someone that had to kind of claw her own way up out of my own resentments and how difficult it was to generate anything for myself. That was resilient, inclusive, inviting. All I did was keep repeating cycles that made me more heart centered and hid my softness from others and I don't know you, I don't know your story.
You also don't know the history of even even this group. And so
I don't need to know the history of that group. But I've heard you speak before in different environments. And I'm noticing this so I'm
telling you, this I'm well aware of and I'm even well aware that you're getting this picture on me. And I would love to share with you where where and why and, and whatnot in unburden like that's like part of why it comes out here is that Steven has been helping to hold space for the causes of this, but it's not. It's not easy to you know, to undo it, I mean, we could talk about like, about it in greater depth, but, you know, in particular, this this space coming out in this space is like, Yeah, I've been I've been working at trying to make something of this space and of the DSS spaces in general. And I want people to respond. And I feel like this makes sense that it's coming out in this space. I've like I said, there's this spirit of this desire to respond, which is why Stephen has been the one who I have been continuing to talk to, but yeah, I feel let down by you know, trip, like, I feel like I just am in this cereal cycle of like, I don't know how to get out of being left down, let down. It's not like I want to be this burning ball of angry male energy. It's just that I don't have any other like normal humanizing relationships to fall back on. And if you heard the story, you might hear about how it's been a self fulfilling prophecy that I have had this projected onto me when I was trying to do everything I could to moderate it, and it projected onto me again and again. And again until I became it and how much did I attract that? I know that I was trying to get out of this cycle for a long time and that, you know, met so little support that I eventually became Okay, fine. This is who I fucking am. But it's like this is the place where it's being worked through, you know, the heaviness but today has been hard in part because I think that there's a thing going on with we don't know how to make an inviting space for each other's voices, and I often feel like these DSS spaces are a space in which I don't come angry but get angry because I feel like it's an inhospitable environment for my voice, like, I can't get the you know, I can't get the space to share even, you know, it's like I have to fight or wait so long through so much rambling that I just can't pay attention to and so I'm, they they bring me into this. They're both like the hospitable hospital space that helps me and brings my story out. They also bring into this space of frustration with people for not using the space better and my my mind coming forth with this, this duality has felt really actually supportive to the DSS sorting itself out. But it has been a challenging space. I'm very well aware that the space is self harming, harming when you're provocative and angry and you come with this sense of entitlement and, and I want to make my debate offering something that that is taken for, like, you know, it lives in its place, but I haven't been able to find a place for it in part because I've been struggling to find people to show up to my rambling rings you know, in general, not not like particular examples I'm thinking of, right, but, so I'm here instead. And I want to apologize, like for the prickliness of that energy, I work to moderate it as much as possible if we can have better structures. So that I can understand better how to engage with this space than I can modulate myself in such a way that I come out in a positive, positive sense.
Luke? Firstly, thank you for sharing all that. Secondly, it's not your job to be positive, either. The reason I bring it up is because I have to it's so it's so apparent in my field to not do that. I just don't, I can't function that way. And so there is something about me that requires this kind of immediacy of addressing and I do I feel your courage. I do. I feel your courage and I feel your persistence. In trying to resolve this experience that you have.
It's not really about fixing, moderating, suppressing, managing, or figuring out which version of me is going to be welcome. And I speak to you in that regard.
But then
I think I can actually promise you this, and I don't do that very often. I'm not a big fan of that. But this this healing. This healing, actually is sort of well, for a start, it can be a really long slow road and it can be very lonely. And it can feel like you're never going to get out of it. Because it's like living in a bubble. And every time you bounce into that bubble, it hurts. And then you see perhaps other people distancing themselves from the bubble from the outside. So it's kind of this isolation and of course, the thoughts will reinforce look, you say, Look I'm on Wantable I'm undesirable. I'm unlikable. I don't contribute. I have nothing to give. I have no value. No one sees me this these like stabs they really hurt. They hurt there's a kindness that you're seeking to generate into the world I think. And I love that about you. What I think I know is that it has to also be generated towards oneself. It requires being with oneself, listening for the stories that others don't want to hear. There's something about listening that is absolutely alchemical, and we can't do it because of it that we can't genuinely listen. If we think that if I listen to this meaning feel it, spend time being present with it, that then my life will change. It doesn't seem to work like that. It has to be this kind of there has to be
nowhere else to go.
That's right takes courage just wanted to say that, but you are not alone.
You're not alone. And the best people can do is be there for you. But But they can't do it for you changing the world won't do it for you. You won't ever feel valued enough by what you do in the world outside. It won't work.
But you will. experience you know, there's like it's like the thing of money. It's like people do get happier with like a certain level of income. It enables them to then embody themselves more fully after that at some point, it's like you you don't like you know, it's like you need something other than money is is the catalyst for for your happiness from there but it's like, there is there is a certain level at which it's like the outer world does facilitate us to to heal and to become ourselves and, and I can
disagree with you. I 100% disagree with you the outside world will reflect where you're at inside. It will and it will do that ongoingly that is that is this evolutionary back and forth.
You don't think we need the outside world like I mean this is like that, that you disagree how but you say you disagree that you're a voice of an a being with a body that's woven of the outside world how and envy. So how could you know Claire? Like you there's timeless wisdom being that you know, and then there's this life in this body and and we of course we can't know ourselves in all our temporal aspects except by way of the world. And we can't do you know, like, it's like, right, where we're limited in our opportunity to experience what it means to be ourselves. If we're like a permit or a loan, or the dark ages are only options like and so I'm not saying that you're not right, that it's not about internal growth where you really feel better but there is this level at which the like, the outer world does facilitate us to, to feel one way or another. I mean, it's like just
let me clarify. What I'm saying is the outside world can't make you heal. What I am saying is that if you pay attention to how the outside world is being experienced by you, to the stories that you're saying inside yourself, and then how the universe shows up in your life, sometimes in your face. If you pay attention to that, then you learn more about yourself. If I if I bump into somebody who's who's really angry at me, I know that I'm generating anger. It doesn't mean that the interaction is appropriate from them. Right? They might have been an asshole, but I tracted that also. So I can look at ah, I better check in here and see what's happening. Because I could have not met that particular asshole but that also showed up in my life in that moment irritated me maybe they cut me off on the road who knows something.
So So then can I ask you like that? Because people like you're presenting this you know the universe responds to you like you put out Yeah, and and I can look back at my life and say okay, for grounded there were these there were some pretty big betrayals that happened in my life like I could tell you about them. And I look at my time before them and say, Okay, I definitely was betraying myself leading up to those to being betrayed before like I was betrayed. I can look back and see I was betrayed and then I can look back to the couple years leading up to it and saying, okay, yeah, here I was getting in the cycle of really deep betraying of myself. But what I can see and this is like, it's like I've been coming forth to to relationships with the desire to work through the challenges within them and to grow in the relationship and to be mirrored. Like, I'm like, I'll tell like I I'll give you feedback. Please give me feedback in response. This has been like a consistent through line that I have been offering this up in my life. And you know, offering this up to the people who are around who I want to go deeper with, because this is a consistent through line is I want to go deeper into relationships than then what has been emerging.
So this this is yeah, this is why dynamic emergence is available, because it helps us figure out how to stay at the center of our experience. So depending on how you're giving feedback. I mean, this is kind of unusual, just so you know, for me to give feedback that's about you. As opposed to maintaining it entirely about my experience of how I'm hearing or how, how, what's happening for me, but I'm kind of crossing into a slightly different territory here. And I hope that's okay, but I just I can't bear the thought of you carrying on suffering for them incredibly hard. To offend. So go ahead. Okay. I had a question that came up when you said over there were these two years where I looked back and I saw how I had let myself down I think was the term you used? Was that the term you used?
I had betrayed myself betray.
Alright, so the question betrayed myself. Yeah. The thing that popped into my head immediately was I wonder if he apologized to himself. I wonder if he said I'm really really sorry.
Yeah, I have and I've done a dozen rituals and I'm way past feeling like I need healing a lot of the time. What I am
so sorry, I just this is just
no you can't you can't push. No, but I'm saying you don't know I just said about where I'm at most of the time. Now. What you see is a filter that you know, you see through a certain channels and you see certain during through certain timeframes. And you see through this has been very frustrated. The DSS has been an on believably constipated group in my opinion, and I feel like I have been mirroring part of the the major reason and we could get into how this dynamic that I think that I've been expressing I think that we all as a group have this to an extent in the DSS but like, what I can tell you is that I am like, often most of the time, operating from a space where I'm not craving healing, like I'm not feeling wounded I create with joy in my life around me. What I do have are some like, I mean, it's like I'm in know you like that was just, I mean, that was incredibly rude just now for you to say
no, but I've only got so many years left on this planet and I'm not going to placate you for the sake of your feelings and your ego. No, but I'm saying you can have pockets of happiness. But that doesn't mean that you're done with your healing journey you can find but
I'm saying the whole No, I didn't never say did I say that I was done with my healing journey. Did I say that?
You said to the pharaoh I said that
I'm going beyond I feel beyond the need for healing most of the time. That's what I said. And I am not. I personally think that the healing journey will last your entire life. I am more struggling to care. You will I'm more struggling to care to finish the job to healing.
The self love peace. That's the self love peace.
Yeah, right. But this is why I point I point to it's hard to like you know, it's like it's like that and that's the finding happiness from within. But it's hard to say that to somebody who you know who right who's poor who is in that zone of dude, they could they could You could add money to their bank account and it would make them a happier person still that's
delusional look, because you Luke, I've met homeless people who are far happier than you are right now. So it's not
in what timeframe than I am right now. Are you talking about Luke today?
Is this now and this is the only guy and
so what's your object in this moment telling me I'm on your time trying to tell me that I am more unhappy than I think I am. Is this is this you? Is this what you do?
No
I'm trying to crack this glass. This illusion you have that somehow your external circumstances are to blame for your unhappiness, or your lack of progress in whichever ways you
use and I'm saying dig into what the illusions are. They're not that simple that my external situation is to blame. I personally am very much you know, the unhappiness that I carry is very much I know it's me. If you want to dig into this and we can dig into this, like I would happily connect with you and share with you who I am. It's hard for me that I like I feel like I like these spaces. Dig some of my deepest hardest to deal with stuff but then there's not space given you you I'm I'm I'm a hard to offend and I'm open to you giving me this reflection. But then you now you're telling me about my experience and about what I'm carrying and about my healing process. And I'm like, we could dig into this. But we have like you need to leave to something and I
would leave because I was feeling like the energy was getting really functionless
and I feel that way often and that's end but but and that's how I felt in the DSS and that's part of where this is coming from Why'd Why do I feel anger and frustration with the DSS and its members is that I came in needing a fucking hospital is how and I came into what felt like lala land you know and and and what it was was hostile, like more hospitable than anything else that I had going on. Which is why I'm still here. But I hear you I'm with you. I feel like it's not functional a lot. of the time and I get upset by it
I don't even know where to go to be honest. Because one of the things I know is that things I could say may not be receivable right now. And so I don't want to waste your time. I don't want to waste my resources. If that's you know what I mean? Because so much of what I'm hearing from you is story. You this the reinforcement of story. I don't this
storytelling group I came to tell the story in an empowering way.
I didn't hear you do that. I heard you critiquing the space. I did not hear you building the space.
Well, was there room was there invitation to or what
do you have to create the invitation Luke? No. So our responsibility,
I'm sorry, I don't have to create the invitation.
To complain you have to generate a request for what you need. You can't just complain and then defy invitation
been requesting Stephen perhaps could take it back to I requested that I know a be moderated basically as like before you started interrupting Claire. I've been requesting this. And this has been and it's continued to not come back. Stephen could tell you I would defer to Stephen in this moment. You know, and I would actually please Steven like I have been asking for structure and direction in the DSS haven't I in these conversations
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, so there's there's been a lot of a lot of conversation about what has not been been working well within that space of, of, okay, there's a there's a structure to kind of like an order of service to the the way the meetings go. But then a lot of times the structure tends to move towards Well, here's the structure. Here's the process that we're going to take you through. Here's all the tools you need to learn. But not creating, necessarily the kind of environment or or understanding of exactly why are we here? What what are we trying to get to and then being surprised at the end of oh, that's what it was then. That didn't really meet my my exact expectations of what I want her to experience here. Does that fairly kind of
describe the situation
it does describe my my art like I mean, you're touching some of the themes of our our conversation about the DSS Yeah, but like that, yeah, that it's been that I've wanted from from the beginning. It's like I've been wanting to dig into clear directions and concretization I've been wanting to be both this like open ended space and then also clear directions and conquer dissertations and structures. And I've also been this ongoing voice like I feel like I've said this in, you know, dozens of meetings where I asked for people to like utilize the people who run the meetings and have that authority like to utilize the the keep us on track and to keep us circling back and to keep mod moderating things and, and whatnot. And so, yeah, I mean, I just feel like today has been very much to the heart of what it is that I personally have been trying to bring forth into the design conversations, but have just felt like it's like I can't I can't do it without somebody like, God, I'm a trained public speaker and I can't, like I can't find a stage where I'm honored with authority. I don't have I don't have a story about trainings and qualifications and all this stuff. I don't have a fucking lineage that has bestowed empowerments upon me, but I do have a fucking powerful voice and at the periphery of all of these conversations, it makes big change. But I find in every one of these conversations that a big impetus for my voice, how it comes out is criticisms of what's not working about the conversational structure. I feel like I am supposed to bring feedback in this life. To the world of my fellow humans about how we speak to one another. But I'm like, I'm a white man, and I like it's progressive stalking and people don't want to bait they want something more feminine, and I can drop these stories but I do need support to create an empowering story instead, and I struggle in these in these conversations to even get my voice in edgewise is how I often feel before before I get frustrated, like and then I get frustrated and then it comes in in this way that I don't want to bring this stuff to the table. It's like it part of what keeps bringing like keeps coming up is that I can't you know, it's like I can't escape from it. I can't find a group where I can ramble and rings without it being frustrating that for some reason you know, stuff is really not working or whatnot.
The repetition of the experiences is the inflammation
so I enjoy being a provocative like edgy person and I enjoy giving people this mirroring of challenging them to drop their like strongly held opinions. This is part of why I say I'm not suffering most of the time. It's a sometimes it brings like it can it can bring out I'm a high energy person. And that can come out in in certain ways, especially especially with with when I'm wanting to create something when I came with stories that it's like I came with stories I wanted to feed back on on the group and then found that they there wasn't space to receive them. Or there wasn't the this it didn't feel like an inviting space and that's what I'm saying about like it's like the person who brings the space has this invitation you know has this opportunity to create this invitation about what's what's brought there. And this repetition like this has been the repetition. I think that I don't know at least I felt it and I keep trying to communicate it to Steven but this is like the the, you know, the repetition is that there's this feeling of falling flat for lack of structure and then rambling in circles and then this we don't like where it rambles to it rambles to traumas. It rambles to our voices not interacting well. I would love to share Claire like actually more I really mean it when I say I'm not like suffering. Day in day out. I do. I am like working like I could like this has been this is what was missing missing is that there there is some conversation to be had about the archetypes about how this healing process is playing out for me here on the ground and it's a beautiful story. It needs to play itself fourth and I need to see a future beyond this like solitary healing journey that's like been the biggest thing for me in my healing has felt like the healing feels like impossibly too much if I don't see that there's a future past it. And that's what can sometimes like come through to me crashing with with these conversations being so hard to keep on track or to give a track or a shape to is that it's like they're they're part of my healing but they also itch things and there's this will to give them shape and structure and a future beyond the pain. But is there is there a vault like is it there's their willingness to go, you know, to follow that will
I can't offer my time to be witness to you and your stories. But I can offer you if you want to and you're welcome to just sit with this to go through the dynamic emergence course. Because there are things in there that will say much better than me right now. Things that you may find support you in a in an invitational kind of way to to just kind of be with them things with perhaps some additional new insights. So I can offer that to you, but I can't offer you my time.
I'm not I'm not meeting your time. I'm not needing to like tell these stories more than they already are being told what I'm needing is for Luna soltera to get you know, over her issues or for me to leave and I'm sorry that you know it comes out like that I want something or that I'm entitled to something that
you're saying that you're entitled to that I was saying that to be clear about my where my edges are in, in this. That's all so when I spoke then I was speaking about what I needed to say. Not because you have asked my time you have wondered I heard you wonder if I would like to hear your stories and the answer is no. And I'll tell you why.
I don't want to hear any of my stories.
No. Would you allow me to to explain or would you rather be offended?
I'm not sure who you mean when you say like your stories.
When I'm talking to you, Luke so I mean, your stories, the stories that reinforce how you've been wronged those I can't just listen to them as a as an audience member and then go Oh, that's really validating Luke. No wonder you feel like that.
I'm sorry. Did I say that I would share with you a story about how I've been wronged. Is that what I offered to share? Like I said, I could tell you these stories. Is that what I said?
That's what it sounded like you were saying to me is that you wanted me what I heard what I took from what I heard you say was that if I could only hear your stories, I'd understand the complexity of where you're coming from. Was that inaccurate?
What I said is you would I mean, the complexity of where I'm coming from was I named a particular complexity which is the feeling of beyond the need for healing. And, and yet, yes, you got it right in that sense with that, in particular, I think when you when you hear you know that the detail about that particular complexity was what I might tell a story to eliminate it pretty clear, like, I don't know at least that that to me is evocative of something other than a story about being wronged actually, the story I was thinking of when I was saying that is a story about how like a healing methodology or healing practice that I just got a glimpse into yesterday about how it might be the the, the way to structure this place here. You know, there's a there's an inner practice that's more subtle than the outward expression. But there's a way that I had a vision and appreciation of how this inward practice might be embodied. That might be what I tell you. And what I might tell you would be a story, the story of how sharing a bit of Greek mythology with somebody who needs this and then having him mirror his inspiration back to me is and this is like this is because my healing process my feeling wounded still has been resonating with a lot of other people feeling wounded still, which is why I'm in this place where I carry this stuff. And it can come out like terrible like this, but it can also come out beautiful and be inciting collective healing, which is why you know why I went to the seed festival where I am here yesterday and felt like I was in high demand as a human being. And so my life is full of a rich tapestry, and I am not this thing that you you are talking to me like so many people talk to me like I have all these stories and like I'm not like that this is not as as complex and subtle. And it is it is and this is a core part of where I'm feeling hurt by is that I get so much of this like yeah, I get that I look like I'm externalizing blame for all kinds of things if you work right if you look superficially or you think that you're you tell me you're not interested in my story, because you assume that it's going to be one of how I've been wronged. But I don't just do that if you ask me for my stories. I don't just fucking like run stories about how I'm hurt that I couldn't have possibly gotten to be who I am or where I am if that was my level of irresponsible and it's not enjoyable or it doesn't make me feel like appreciated or like I want to go through any sort of process with you with dynamic emergence or anything. When when this is just assumed. When I don't and I know that it's not like personal to me. And so I don't want you to feel like you know, I don't mean to be I don't know, I'll leave it there.
So when I said I don't want to hear your stories, what I mean by that, is that the way I would be interested in sitting with you with your stories, if you would, exploring them from a slightly different perspective. So rather than giving me a track record of something historical, doing it from the perspective of exploring the I within the story. So that is how I listen to people's stories. So not just sitting through history, repeat you know, like where it just gets spread like more butter on the bread over and over and over. But where there is an actual commitment to analyzing, tracking and analyzing the stories that are showing up in our lives, each of us and being interested in that treating it as a research project, treating ourselves as worth that research. And so that's where you're gonna kind of go tracking off into the forest of your life, but you do it with tracking skills. You don't do it just as a scribe. So that is the work that I do. But it's long, it's long. I mean, I've been doing it a long time for myself. And that's why I created dynamic emergence because I didn't really have I didn't have the support, either. So I felt very sorry for myself. And I couldn't understand why people around me were doing well in their lives, my own family included, and I wasn't. And so it was very hard for all of us, because that was my experience and I had my reasons, just like we each do. And healing is kind of really slow. It can be and sometimes we have to bump up against really either tragic circumstances or really persistently difficult circumstances in order to get our attention. And then there's this whole thing that can feel like luck about who we meet, who can help us with with part of our healing. But being interested in our own stories from that perspective of like a tracker. That to me was what I I did to show myself that I was worth it
and this is generated as a result of that later. Go ahead.
I said I don't when when I like I'm more on this wavelength now than ever before. And like that, you know, the thing I mentioned with like a methodology Greek mythology, it's like tracking Hera. Through her many like incarnations like him through the stories and then how I might be inspired to embody her that's very much what's giving some coherence to the story living here, but I'm not really sure that I want to tell like, folk focus my energy on telling like my story, and in particular I'm much more interested in living a life of tracking powerful stories, like not not turning that back on myself. Like I feel like actually like tracking my betrayal and what like whatnot was very valuable for me to witness something crucial about about myself and it's part of my story that that whole thing, but that I'm really wanting to step into a dynamic living story world which is why I'm really glad Glad to have you. And I'm really glad to have the space and I really hope that it can grow into something that's more consistently hospitable and where therefore your story tracking talents can come out in a you know, in like a less painful way. Because just like just now was not fun.
I know. Appreciate that
guys, I'm gonna, I think at best before I get cut off, you have the opportunity to say goodbye. I'm on the second device to stay out here and just listen deeply to all that comes from the heart from each of you and appreciate that that comes through you Yeah, just feel your deeply so
Keymark already today
this doesn't feel complete, but at the same time, I guess at some point, it might you know, it might take a while to feel complete. So maybe maybe this is a good breaking point or causing point.
Right Yeah, well, yeah, definitely. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much for all of you being here. Thank you, Luke. Thank you, Claire. I'm sure there's Yeah. lots lots to work through. Is there Yeah, look, was there something that you were you had said something about? If if we're gonna So Tara could just deal with her issues with that, so hard
group would be
beautiful brainstorming. Like if it could be if it could flow like and just be be a fluid process. And it's like, where to go to find beam speakers you know, and that just inspirational and I have to offer and I would like to receive back and the more that it can be that that simplicity the more that it can be pure offer and little demand and the more that I can give you know give back I mean, I'm I'm in a position to do a lot with if we can, you know, writing in my hands, goes into other people's experiences very quickly. And he I live in a place where people are on a wavelength to make things happen and so then there's this whole movie thing we've been talking about and whatnot and so, right like, I'm moving into this space where I'm feeling in high demand, but continuing to feel like I'm like feeling in high demand to be operating at a high functional level. Continuing to feel under resourced in in very visceral material ways around me, but, but better resource now than I have been and so like and that by the way, Claire is a lot of what the the thing was like pointing to my external reality. It's like external reality makes demands it also has supports and when demands and supports don't align, you find yourself in the middle. Like and that's and so but But as these things come into alignment, I'm like concerned actually that I'm about to become very busy, like in in ways that I'm not necessarily 100% prepared for and if and it's like I feel like I can offer like basically the more efficient structure that we can give this thing, the more I can offer and like I've said with with what you know, with like, I could mediate some of the central channel of the DSS potentially if we can, like I don't want to be pushy with but I have these speaking skills that I would like them to find their place in all of this and for that place to be feedback on. You know, I would like that place to feedback on better quality conversations that I then get to enjoy. I would also like it to just have its place so there's an outlet so that I can leave it there and it can feel happily expressed and so really like I don't know if the if that's enough of a
where to leave it.
Right thanks bye. Bye bye. Bye. Thank you. Cheers
Yeah, I'm just like one of the things that I was wondering about, you know what? A writers room works, because there's also there's an agreement, there's probably yeah, there's compensation going on and and that's what I didn't really get to. Around Well, yeah. How would we sort of organize this? If I'm, if I've got a website and it has the ability to generate revenue? Theoretically. How does that revenue get distributed? Yeah, so
Steven, you drive me insane. I would just like, like with I wanted to just confess about this with with the rambling ring, absent minded professor. Yeah. Because we're in a time when we need swift action and so and and I love that you're coming into full embodiment of yourself part and full embodiment of yourself as is where are you good and where aren't you are or making room is setting aside the the the the roles that you will have been playing because you thought you needed to or whatnot, right? This is the story you have with your family, setting aside the role that you thought you needed to play, and then finding that when when, when you step aside from that role, then you other things are allowed to emerge where you once were. And so I just like if there's something that's not working in some aspect of the thing that needs doing that you're not right to do, then please delegate. And that's like Roxy, why wasn't Roxy delegating? There were all these people like I walked into the DSS wanting to make something of it. Harris didn't have any Blake Harris had not reserved bandwidth for making something of the DSS with Luke or with her pod. Not enough like but Roxy had. Why wasn't I like okay, so I was trying to work the network trying to make my thing happen. Why wasn't I made Roxy's a system this last DSS could we swiftly act I mean, it's just like, this is I've been it's a time of swift action and you have oh, I mean, I like it's like, and this is this is why today's conversation in the DSS digs my end it's like I kept feeling like I want to leave is because it's like I'm feeling deeply wounded in like one of my big pains has been like I grew up in social justice culture, but social justice culture isn't enough for everybody. That's not their story. It's not enough for the white men to keep having everything they wanted. It's about how we take certain things away from and I felt like there hasn't been room it's like because we're so allergic to competitive competition. We don't like the word competition. So we can't have debate. You know, in this level of like, I felt like there hasn't been room. Like, it's like I haven't been able to eat at the region era table. is how I've been feeling because people don't, because I need a role. I need I need a roll. I needed to be recognized in my brilliance and guided into a place from the start. That's like you like It's like we're dealing with a world where you you take brilliant children and you put them in factories, and it's like, how brilliant. Like I'm like one of the fucking most brilliant and it's like, okay, like, Shut up loose ego, but right and this sense of entitlement, like why should I get some special treatment or something? It's like, Well, I'm sorry, but I just like I make such a mess. I get kicked out of factories, right? Because I, I make such like because I'm so disruptive. It's like I can't even work in the system because it's like, I'm so into it. I inspires so much disruption in the interior of the other workers. That then the social disruption around me is so intense that I feel dehumanized. I mean, it's just like, so what do we do with me? I'll do fucking anything, Steven. We just need a play. Like we need a play and actually to pick roles. And then actually do it. But it's not a fun place to be where it's like we have a writers room. And we have a director, but the director is an absent minded professor who doesn't have a sense of urgency.
Right while the actors do and I don't want and that's it's beautiful that and that's what I think is so important about you Why Why can Stephen hold this incredible hospital hospitality out to like I think that you will find that you will be able to be spiritually hospitable to people who are going through really hard stuff like as you get more and more through your installment your embodiment process. Going forward, you're going to find yourself more and more beneficial in these really hard to deal with cases. Yeah. But right now we have a couple of them on our hands. Steven and Luke. Hard to deal with cases. I know. And Stephanie, too.
Yeah, so you were Yeah, mentioning communication style that doesn't really lend itself necessarily to Yeah, another form of rambling.
Well, and something I've realized is that like I'm scared shitless of getting trapped by women because this is what I see is that the the woman woman's stronger, emotional, or I don't know the stronger the lower energetic center. And, and then I don't know what about you know, can I'm not no authority on this subject, but I had a great meditator warn me that a that if I were like a woman to get me out of a big psychological thing, but I couldn't get a woman out of one. And then I had this whole thing down here on the ground play out. And I think he's right. And, and I'm scared, man. I'm just like, it's like it's not that I'm scared. It's like, I've witnessed that fear visceral in my body. Like, I've gotten this thing about like, okay, it's like, I can say this thing. I can say all my bits and pieces about contemplative discipline and holding your opinions loosely and all of that stuff, but if I no adjust, it doesn't resonate. Then, you know, and that's how I feel it is in the culture of men has more of a like, well, we'll fucking fight it out. Man. It's like actually a it's a competitive like, it's a it's an environment where the competition is exposed and outward and open, and therefore, results in a clear pecking order. And there's all sorts of like, you know, ego is so strong, but then also we break each other's egos down and have like, um, you know, have that process of making each other durable, but it's like the women the female energy, which is so healing and so powerful, but it doesn't, it doesn't like you know, it's like, what is it needs safe spaces, but what I see is that it's not these spaces aren't robust. And like there is and then there's a they have an auto immune system, like are they you know, they have an immune system that has an autoimmune disorder, and there's this need to purge some aspect of the excessively patriarchal, masculine, but that immune system gets directed towards white men, rather than the excessively patriarchal, masculine. And it's like, well, maybe actually, some of the women have that and maybe actually, some of the white men have some of the puzzle pieces like maybe actually the white men in there feeling hurt by this. Like, you know, even it right in there feeling hurt by this conflation. Maybe there's something to the white man's voice having some truth to it. And there's so much acknowledgement of that. Like when I say that in the like, I brought that up so close to the surface in the chat in the DSS. But then it's not like the structure isn't responsive. I'm like, just like, and that's what I experienced with I email as soon as I find out that the Miami event is something that I could cook for I email and then don't get a response. And then like, that's what you know. It's like basically I was wanting more of a response from Hara Hara from Harris. About this, this about the you know, about like, we are in a fucking pod. You made this offer of all these different services that you you have like, aren't you fucking offering them I didn't realize that it was only paid. And it like, you know, and so, I don't know. I mean, it's just like, and this is this is what I think it becomes is region era. It's this simple, Steven. It's like region era. We have on people who are already on boarded to it. It's a living, breathing entity. Here we are at the gate. It's the gate where you can have your stars read, you can find your way to other people who who have similar ideas of what region era are. You can find yourself received and witnessed all of these things. There's a there's a beautiful welcoming, there's the arts of hospitality and invitation.
And it's and it's that and the story keeps spiraling back to that, that onboarding point. And that onboarding point is where we have this beautiful story of installment and this beautiful crossing over from region like de Gen era of I'm not resourced to region era where I am. But you need to like or we need to whoever has the authority, because this is like what Cheryl is Cheryl, who was the one who I took the food to
write was sick.
But this is you know what she she is we're enslaved. We have this enslavement to outer conditions to our own concepts to our own stories. And we externalize authority. And this is what I keep trying to call you to Steven is you're the authority in the room. But the absent minded Professor archetype is not really like it's like the absent minded Professor became the absent minded professor, by being umbrella safely underneath the academic institution, having his wife bring him dinners. Everything that absent minded professor is is what Is he absent from is the material layer. He needs Hera to be all in place, taking care of everything. And that's why it's a match made in heaven man, like I needed like you and me holding space for this thing. Is a match made in heaven if we can, if we can sort out the organizational structure, but there really is the need for for us to to step into that self governance.
Right. So it's interesting then I just had a discussion with went out to meet my friend David Van us. He lives in Fort Langley, and he's he's embedded in this really artsy culture, but he's a film producer. Yeah, he he was wondering ah, I'm not sure if I can meet you. Not sure if I'm gonna have a video shoot gig today. Well, I guess that didn't happen and we just hang up on out in his backyard, but he was talking about how all right the way that he was able to get people into his core team was to give three basic rules. One was show up to as Choose. Choose a discipline, you might be an artist who has all these capabilities. But just choose one thing because then we know how to how to fit you into what's going on here. And then three was just if you have a problem with anyone, go directly to that person and figure it out. So very simple rules and it worked for him. He had 16 core people that helped him produce two coffee table books over a span of a few years. And and it was all volunteer work, but those people became part of his core team and he said you were one of them because you you were able to meet those requirements very, three very simple rules. And so what kind of like what would it take to actually move move the ball forward here? Like I don't have that kind of, you know, experience of wrangling people, what you're speaking to about how masculinity is built in his culture is you find it out you break each other's egos down and then you figure out how to to work within that. That culture. I never had that initiation. Frankly. I was never part of those those male spaces. I avoided them.
Strapped right here man. Finally found it. Today this is what I saw is that we're in this space of needing to pull like Earth. Forests are a feminine ecosystem deserts deserts are a masculine ecosystem. Yin and Yang. We've been in a ying and yang of fIying humans are a masculinization of the planet. If you look around the natural species like wild species, the males are the the peacocks the males are the show offers. Humans are all show offers. That means you've masculinized the women that's actually like so this is think about this from this standpoint, in the bigger biological sense, the fact that women's bodies are like, you know, their breasts are always full. That's a very masculinized trait. But so we're actually at this, this is like what I think is the reason it's like helping seeing it like this. I'm realizing Okay, so humans are then the masculinization of the earth. But in order to do this, we had to masculinize human men first. Women did that. Men felt betrayed by it because it's not fun to be masculinized Right. Like, it's like getting chopped away at it's being isolated. It's being individuated. It's being separated and then challenged to become a peacock just in order to get back by but and so. So then there's this tremendous, like, who gets to be part of the home. There's this, this in that way who gets to be part of the home and the whole Buckminster Fuller Institute, the whole spirit that we're calling in? It's this it's this no, this is a done we're done with this process. No more masculinization we've done it enough. We've masculinized the earth enough we've masculinized ourselves enough we can actually make it a home where everyone is is has a place in this home. Um, and so what I see today is like I've been calling and asking for a structure and asking for responsiveness, you know, and that's even Luna soltera. Like that's like what I think it's great that you've I think it all fits perfectly right that you've named Luna soltera after her, you know, she's born on September 11 2001. And that's what I see in that. The Twin Towers is is like pay the fucking attention. Be responsive. And so so here you are in it. Now it's like that there's this need your archetype needs to transcend itself. It can't be. You can't that that absent minded Professor can't take for granted. Hera in the home. And I'm like an I would love to step into more of a role of curating the space so that you can curate more of the energy if that makes sense, like
so what would that practically mean? Like, curate the space?
So like, for example, I could. You and I could have a story about who we are and what we're doing. And that story could guide me to be the one who predominantly loop keeps the radio channels clear. And who don't like and who who kind of dominates the keeping the talking stick in the air keeping the radio channels clear and keeping the talking stick moving in, right, like not being a dictator with it like when somebody is on a roll, you don't interrupt them, and you don't interrupt them with when you know I don't interrupt you with timekeeping unless I have to. I interrupt you with the chat before. I mean, there's etiquettes to this, but I can do this where I can keep the radio channels clear. Or I can keep the radio channel open. What were the two things keep the radio channel clear.
Moving the talking
stick, oh, and then keeping the talking stick moving. But you could have a role where, you know, there's some you know, there's something that we we come back to you for or it could just be part of the keeping the stock Talking Stick moving that or you could just find your way and maybe you don't even need to run. Maybe you're just a central character in in the feast, you know, but like because your energy you, Steven, this has coalesced around you and so that's that's what I'm saying with like, it's like keeping the talking stick moving is keeping everyone feeling in a spacious space where they don't have I'm not being asked to listen to a giant monologue and then not respond, right. I'm not being asked for all this space that I don't have and then keeping the air clean is like, you know, just I'm keeping space and energy and then you can you can be that you can just dance in that of keeping the energy moving. Right but that that space holding is needed. It needed it was what was needed in Harlands meetings, which is what I brought to the table and what made Harlan one you know me to be his podcast co host, but Harlan can handle me not without me having a like a stronger foundation in life
and I don't know you know what it looks like right? But this is their needs. I mean, this is like I have I can make this into something amazing Steven, like Hera is Luna soltera Harris is Hera and the whole story weaves itself all back together beautifully into into tending the hearth and home. And then also like Hara Hara preop. Opus, the rejected male sexuality, right? is an embodiment of Hera out in the garden. And so and that's what I was seeing is like, I'm going to be able to create this toroidal experience here, where a guest comes and is taken care of constantly, you know, it's always the the there are there are benevolent people who are always looking after the guest. And the guest is empowered to go out into garden, the garden and to go in into the home. And, and those two things are we're not You're not exiled like it's not like the experience of the garden. You know, the Greek archetypes have the gardener exiled from the Home and the Home homemaker disapproving of the gardener, and we can we can reconcile those. Those archetypes again all the archetypes melt down at the end of the day.
And they melt down as they just sort of amalgamated into one when being
sentient beings are ice blocks. Whereas then Buddha's shine the light of compassion on them and they melt all those qualities that we see like the arrays of, of qualities of the archetypes, we see them in samsara, where there is suffering when you melt the psychological grasping. Right, the archetypes all melt back down into the the master archetype of whatever is appearing. Is this performance of the natural mind
I look like I'm nodding but I'm not like in understanding. It's just like, Okay, I have to think about that.
Like the problem that I'm hearing you speak to lack of efficiency, lack of structure like Yeah, well. I'm not running this like a rapid prototyping exercise or a design meeting and that's maybe what I should be doing but or, even if we're going to use the the absent minded professor, sort of no approach like the way they were teaching us how to design or design, a curriculum and a syllabus and structure, structure the class is you have to be on top of your time and how you're going to use that time have a basic script laid out for and we're going to have this amount of time for for doing this. Then we'll move to this activity and then you have some time to figure some stuff out on your own or brainstorm and then we come back and then reflect back what was learned and right. Like, yeah, there were there's there's all these rules that I'm breaking and just pulling these these meanings together haphazardly, like oh, people keep showing up on this day and and I want to be ready for it. But no, this week has been a shitshow.
Well, like this is why we need like what you really need is to get in well, I don't know I mean, man preparation is this is what I'm kept saying about the DSS and this is what I feel like. I mean, I have this beautiful gift to offer to the DSS but it is about like how to, you know, how can it even be offered in such a way that it will be? Received? And but part of it have to offer is this confidence man, I have confidence that not many people have it. Like this level of confidence in certain things, you know, and and one of them is is in the rapid prototyping style. I'm very confident in the rapid prototyping style it's my life has been it man. I mean, I could like the debate activity was full of me meet like creating a new a new style, I would say like the rapid prototype a new style all the time, like, but um what I feel like with Roxy, she's had this opportunity to do this, like, right, she's an immersive experience designer. And then it's like, how can she transition to do this in this online space and everything? She doesn't know what she's doing, but she has some authority that she's like, brought to the table. That's inspired other people to empower her. But it's like, can she do it again? And there's this tremendous pressure and so then there's this desire to live up to all the aspirations and that are we doing it through this or that channel when I Yogi and I have this actually Yogi has this confidence to getting together that was the show. And so then he and I are both tremendously disappointed with with, you know, we get together and then we talk so much about how we're gonna get together again another time. And this is how, like, you know how I operate and I don't know if this is how God operates, but I get I go thinking it's gonna be the show, knowing I'm unprepared, but that being unprepared is the nature of life. And then I perform like I thought it was the show and that response that people love that and it carries me on up and I'd love to bring the confidence to say like this is this is what I would love this to be year three of the DSS is we put together all these fucking great promotional materials and invite people in and everything. And then we stage it. It's like a perfectly curated chaos is the first meetings. And it's like, and we're we're like loving it. And it's like, you know, but it's the people walking in are just like, how can they do this? And then this is us being like, Look, guys, we love it because we know that this is the alternative system that's really gonna work. But we it's not our mess right now because it's a rapid prototype that has problems and that's we're here in the Buckminster Fuller Institute, designing rapid prototypes that we know are gonna have problems and so problems are the name of the name of the experiences funding
problems.
Yeah, that would be that would be tons of fun and which set up the right expectation to, to at least as of now.
Well, have you gone go through the videos of what happened in the first cohort. That's, that's essentially all I did the whole time was we were rapid prototyping not not anywhere near being ready to present and then when All right, well, it's time and I just did the thing and people loved it. Like, Roxy actually went, Hey, do a run of show. Figure out if who you're going to invite and be on the panel. And like the whole thing was the December salon was me, showing up to do the thing. I got the panelists all figured out. They showed up and my computer craps out in the middle of the panel. And then someone takes over for me, I come in finish. Once my computer restarts and whatever, and then I run my workshop. And the whole thing was just like, I've never done this before. Try it, see what happens. And if it's a failure, well, what do you learn out of that failure, but the failure was now even with John Crawford being in the emergency design lab and then going, Okay, well, this is how we do these kinds of, of presentations with technology and then you just see technology failing. Like, that didn't work. That didn't work, either. We're waiting around for well, and he just draws this in. And that's what happens when you're working with technology. Something's going to fail. So you, you go with another plan. And, and so that's what I loved about it was that Oh, like he made the failure part of the the whole experience
so Yeah, unfortunately you you didn't get to see me doing that in the first cohort i i Actually receded into the background and in cohort two because like, I don't have to be on stage like I was in the first go around because someone else needs a turn. To feel what that feels like of Roxy just going all right. I think you're ready for this. Try it. Well, so shouldn't be just my experience. That should be everybody's experience. And I think that's what no and
this is and I was the person who was ready. I was ready to be put on a stage but nobody did. Yeah. I asked to be put on the stage, but then it never happened. And this is the this is the problem. And the solution. If we design for it is the DSS being presented to me as a finished like it being presented as polished as it was was a bad idea. No, really, it was a fucking terrible idea. Because I was the person who if the if the DSS was honest with me about what it really was, I would have been able to know how to engage with it. I would have been good at I'm good at dealing with broken things. I'm good at fixing things this hospital thing came to me with okay apologies are where if your relationship if a relationship is dying, what's the one art left that maybe can revive it? Um, I'm good at that, but I was feeling so. So this is what I felt like was that and this is this is like a big part of my wounding with this like awakening of the divine feminine or whatever. Is that this social justice culture that I grew up in, it's like not particularly concerned that I get to take part in the in the bright future. I'm not a woman so I'm not the ideal person to own a business. I'm not I can't have a woman own business. I'm not a woman or black or anything. So I'm not somebody who you know you want to give you want to give art like or you know, an art artists grant to I came with this feeling of like the mic sisters have thrown me under the bus. This is I came I came with this feeling of the young women around me had the door held open unprecedentedly much in the area where I grew up in that culture. The women had the door open held open for them to regen era. You know, we're regenerating women have been on unjustly underserved by society. Like but the it's like I really it's like been like, you know, I feel this call to respond to responsibility to be responsive and to step up to that. And the the women around me recognize that if they respond to that call, then they have to fucking step up to it. And they don't know that they want to. And so then there's been this question of do we even want to see him because he makes us feel guilty about our privilege, like and and whatnot. And so I was coming into the round two of the DSS having felt like I had been thrown under the bus and feeling like okay, the only professions the only way I see to make money walks in with my real skills is by me like, projecting I'm a coach, or I'm some something you know, I project this but I'm feeling completely disempowered, broken down. thrown under the bus by exactly this progressive stalking culture. And my story was nobody in the DSS nobody knew about it. We should not be taking a single new person into the DSS without an entry interview. I can help design this to make it so that the DSS is not not presenting because to me, the fact that the DSS looked so well presented meant that I kept myself secret that I didn't tell you all where I was at because I didn't want to be kicked out. Because every other organization I'd ever been a part of. The prerequisite is being competent. I don't know. I got I have an application process man. You all looked at my application and probably thought I was fucking brilliant, like not a broken basket case. You know, and I didn't want that to I didn't want the fact that I'm like a sort of a broken Basket Case and also brilliant to get in the way of me getting to participate. And so I like came to the meetings with very much this. Like you know, need to be a little quiet and secretive about where I'm really at. And that's not good.
Well, yeah, because that's that's what I was saying. To bliss. In. So we we had a team meeting on the same week that Miriam and her husband Tyler ended up in the hospital and