I feel better now. I feel better. I feel better. I feel better. Because, wow, I've done so much growth in that time. And I've learned so much. Wow. Really proud of myself now, actually, you know, beginning of like, Whoa, this is like three months ago, and I was so you know, unaware of certain things. And actually, it was for getting on for five years ago, when I was basically a child. And anyway, it's there's still, you know, it's still an incredible talk and lots of beautiful, awesome, wonderful things in it. So I'm just being very self critical right now, which is fun. Fun for me. Actually. I'm doing a lot of work with my therapist on shame. Have you ever heard of parts work? It's so interesting, like, the way she explained it, I really am a person for kind of visualizing certain things. But there's this thing called I think, in terms of total family systems, and it's a concept in therapy. I don't know if it's, it's, it's very popular or well known, or if it's controversial, or anything. I just know from what my therapist has told me, and it's so far been really interesting and helpful, helpful, which is the most important thing, which is there's different parts inside your brain, which are you or something or not you or whatever versions of you, and, and so one of those things could be like shame or Anger, or you as a kid or whatever, I'm probably not doing a great job explaining this because it's a brand new concept for me. So anyway, I don't know, who came up this idea of them riding the bus driving the bus, if she came up with that, visual, probably, or me, whatever. The idea of who's driving the bus right now. And when we, when we recognize it's shame driving the bus. And we can say to shame, hey, shame, it's okay, you can take a backseat, because really shame shouldn't be driving the bus, it should be you your real authentic, you know, yourself as the higher version of yourself or more most enlightened or most, most happy or whatever, you know. And so, just recognizing just that simple thing of recognizing, okay, what am I feeling right now? Shame, okay, shame. So shame is driving the bus. So what happens when shame drives a bus for me? Most people is you might get defensive, you might, you know, so and so anger might jump up from its seat and say, like, I'm going to take over the wheel. And be like, I'm struggling with shame. And like, you know, anger then takes a wheel or, or, you know, other things like self righteousness or whatever, you know, maybe they're all struggling for the wheel, but the whole you know, most you know, most of what underneath it all is, is shame. And so kind of get guiding shame back to it, see and saying it's okay, you can just hang out back here and I'll take, I'll take over. That whole concept has just just been mind blowing. As soon as I catch myself being like, I feel shame. Then I was just like, Seamus, Jamie's riding, driving driving the bus right now. Okay, so actually, I can put shame back in it, see, and console and say it's okay. And that's been really, really helpful for me. And, and, you know, what it is, is I didn't realize what I did, but you know, still being on the TV show the echoes of Shane from that. So much shame, shame, shame. And feeling like, you know, losing self worth in, in my, in my, in myself as a person versus, versus my body like, no, because that's all good. But having this kind of loss of self worth that I didn't really quite recognize as about me as a human as a person and that kind of just simmering there. And the way that it manifested itself would be shame and so I'd be in bed and and I'll be like, remember that one time that when you were seven years old, you stole perfume from your sister and hid it in your bag and, and then wore it and then she was like, I can smell that you were in my perfume. And I was like no and it was in my bag the whole time. And I was such an idiot. I was such a bad sister. Oh my god, Leila. And and then I'll be like thinking about this. And they've been worrying like, I'm such a bad sister. And I believe that and one time, we had a fight and I kicked my sister and did it. And just thinking oh my god, my sister hates me and go into the spiral like me, me and my sister have a great relationship. And and then in my brain being like, Oh, my sister hates me. This because shame was driving the bus shame things. And my sister hates me because when I was I say seven, let's say 1112 Whatever. I still perfume from her. I gave it I gave it back in the end.