2023-08-24-Gil-Joy of Compassion (4 of 5) Joy of Aspiration

3:14PM Aug 25, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

compassion

aspiration

sense

inspires

joy

mutuality

benefit

nourishing

feel

attunement

offer

closer

deep

deeper

world

ways

fear

resistant

suffering

supporting

So hello everyone, and welcome to this fourth talk on the joy of compassion. And today's aspect of compassion that can brings joy is aspiration. So we've had awareness, attunement, appreciation and today, aspiration, and this is often closely tied to compassion. And that compassion includes a wish it's for the welfare and happiness of others for people to, to not suffer, to have their suffering be lifted. And so, there is a wish, but to call that wish and aspiration has a different connotations. As wish it can be wishful thinking, there can be a wish without anything behind it or any depth, it could be a wish, because we're, we're upset, and we want things to be different, because we don't want to be upset. The aspiration comes from a deep place within and, and it's more holistic part of who we are. And it comes from some kind of depth within AI at least I associate aspiration was in profound, holistic, organic sense of, of goodness that we something we want, that's inspiring for us, and maybe for others. And so in the inspiration of it, there is a kind of pleasure, there's a joy, there's a delight. And because it's something that we really feel good about, we're delighted and we're happy with it. So to aspire to meet suffering of the world, aspire to feel it and sense it, not to be overwhelmed by it, but to be a, a, a witness, a supporting witness, not just a supporting witness, but even more so to be a contributor to the welfare and happiness, to make a difference in this world of suffering, to make a difference where the person we're with, who's suffering. And, and, and that aspiration can take many forms is contextual. In the rush to be compassionate to rush to compassionate action, we often miss what's mostly needed for people that sometimes if someone is starving, you might think rush to get them food, but maybe deeper, what they're starving for, is human contact, human respect, care, and to stop and to be with a person and offer friendship and understanding and companionship, before providing the food or together with party providing the food, then we're really offering what the person needs and something that's deeper for them. And in so being this deeper source from within ourselves as nurses yourselves at the same time. So that compassion is not all about taking care of the other. It's also in a certain kind of way, caring for ourselves. And the deeper our aspiration can come in nourishing for ourselves, the more we have to give others the more we can connect with them and have a kind of presence. That is its own food, its own benefits for others, where we offer appreciation, attunement, respect. And so to take the time to clarify what is our wish here? What's our intention? What is our aspiration, in offering others compassionate care. And is there an aspiration which inspires us simply they wish to give people food might be good, and might be a little bit inspiring. But it's kind of a, I think, a bit a little bit more closer to something like the surface of the situation. And to offer some deep human connection, where we feel safe, where we feel inspired by the connection that we can establish, then we are nourished, we are supported by that connection as much as the person we're caring for. And so it's a kind of mutuality, aspiration kind of, from his deep place, rings in mutuality, of benefit mutuality of, of love or care or respect of benefit. To every one, and so it's not so transactional, it's not so I'm doing it for you. But maybe more we're doing it, I'm doing it for all of us, for both of us, we're doing it together in a sense. And that's where the attunement, the deep attunement, appreciation can support the idea that we're not only doing compassion for others, we're doing it also at the same time simultaneously, we're doing something that's really nourishing for ourselves beneficial for ourselves. That's the potential of compassion, wholesome compassion, that we benefit from it as well. And one of those benefits is a kind of joy, the kind of sweetness a kind of delight, the kind of sense of well being, or a sense of deeper intimacy or connectivity, the sense of being at home, here in this feeling of compassion at home, and this feeling of being alive with someone else. So that what we're sharing is also by maybe by osmosis, a transmission, that, that there is a way of being in this world, that we're feel deeply at home, we feel like, Here I am, here, I belong here. Here, I'm at ease, here's my piece, here, I meet you with, with a kind of profound sense of, of belonging, of freedom of peace, here, and now, without any anxiety, or without any needing things to be needing it to be different. Of course, with compassion, we are trying to make things different, the suffering different. But there's something different that happens if we don't need to make a difference. But it right the desire to do so arises not from need, but from aspiration, not from requirements and requirements, what we have to do, but rather from our something, it's more closer to generosity, closer to the hearts wish, of course, we do this. And so aspiration is a very important part of compassion. And, and it's much more than just a desire, and giving some care, some attention to our aspiration to our intention, so that we get the most benefit out of it. So for example, if we simply want to

say it this way, that an aspiration is a check and balance for how we behave in the world, that it's so easy to behave with flow through our selfishness through our desire, our our kind of clinging and cravings and attachments, or aversions and our fears, it's so easy to have bias and stereotypes of the situation and jump to assumptions about things. And, but if the aspiration is a beautiful aspiration, something that's universal, something we would offer equally to everyone, then, then we might notice more likely notice that we're holding ourselves back or we're tight, or were resisting or were pushing away, or we have judgments or we have negative views of what's going on that that gets in the way of a kind of unmoored, unbiased flow of generosity in our compassion, where our compassion is not unduly influenced by anything within us, that interferes with its universality or cleanliness or, or cleanliness in that it's free of free of prejudice, free of bias free of conceit, free of on the kind of tensions involved, if there's status involved, or if there's control involved or if there's dominance involved or if there's fear involved, or there's kind of diminishing ourselves as we do it, or a sense of excessive responsibility we get to kind of tight and forceful that if the, an aspiration that's universal that inspires that allow something deep within us To relax, then that becomes a reference point for seeing how we're off with our compassion. And it certainly is easy to be slightly off or very much off. And so that the compassion is kind of influenced by all kinds of unfortunate ways in which we might relate to the world on may sometimes unconscious ways we might relate to the world. And so to stay in touch, and this is where feeling our body being embodied. That's why I love the word aspiration, because coming from breathing, it's kind of an embodied profundity within us that if we're in touch with this body of ours, the body will provide us with the clues that we're tensing that we're resisting, that we're closing down, that we're being partial, that we're being too assertive, to dominating the body is expressed in all these little micro muscles we have, and to feel and sense these operating becomes a check and balance becomes a protection of our compassion. So it can remain for coming from an aspiration. As soon as it comes from duty or obligation. As soon as it overrides the ways in which we're getting exhausted, tired, resistant, ways in which we feel oppressed or troubled or stressed by it. If we override that, then compassion becomes it's not sustainable, it becomes exhausting, it becomes stressful, it becomes kind of can even become unhealthy for us. So some people have compassion, fatigue, some people who are wonderfully compassionate people, but they're going about their compassion in very difficult circumstances in life, that has a long lasting legacy, of stress or of anxiety, fear, of grief, that kind of builds slowly, imperceptibly over time, because of the tremendous challenge to which then the human challenges to which we're bringing our compassion, people suffered from dramatically horrible things happen to people, and to be a caretaker for that, can can have a big toll on the caretaker, if we don't find that place of aspiration, where there's a joy or the lightness and nourishment, from which we can do the compassion. And if the aspiration if it's not nourishing, if the joy or the lightness of the sweetness is not there, that's an indication that probably what we should do was to rest, probably we should do is get a break to be renewed, be refreshed. And the middle way is the way of Buddhism, not too much, not too little, not forcing ourselves to so we end up being over overstressed and over activated, over kind of energized over, not so that we become slothful or resistant or, or Syncback in ourselves, we want to kind of maintain that middle way. And for that, we aspiration and rest aspiration and renewal, aspiration in action in the world, that that we find the place that sustainable over time. And if if the if the compassion is a little bit off, we're very much off, it's not sustainable. So the suggestion is aspiration it can be the depth and the profundity of what aspiration can be, can be a source of joy, and a source of protection of our compassion. So please spend time looking deeply at your intention with the motivation, the aspiration, that is part and parcel of compassion, and to do so on the foundation of awareness, attunement and appreciation helps that aspiration. fulfill its potential. So thank you very much. And and I have one more talk tomorrow. And the action part the joy of compassionate action. Thank you