I haven't seen in a while. I'm so glad to be here with you guys.
I started to see JC
wanting to do this and sign up and being together and all that.
Thank you for doing it. So
Oh, sorry. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. I tried to send the transfer right before this call and something was weird. So I'm gonna try again after the call. Okay, cool. Otherwise, I'll do pay pal or whatever
else. That sounds fine. Um, you know, I think Jenny or is your is your email a new way to ADHD? Yeah, I got your so the other night. Thank you. So hey, um, so we have two people from my spring class. And two people probably think that Sue's spring class. That was your Yeah. So let's kind of do a get to do up and then check in and bring in Jenny. Don't know this. But I always start my, I add classes with check ins just so we all know how we're doing and what we're bringing in today. It's really helpful and helps people to get to know each other. So Hi, I'm Tracy. And I'd love to know, you know, the other thing I'd love to do is who do you like to coach in the ADHD world? It might be everyone. It might be a niche, but we'd love to know that. So yeah, Hi, I'm Tracy. I like to coach twice exceptional and other kinds of neuro divergent folks. And I am, I'm just excited to do this. I'm actually exhausted. But like, Y'all are already giving me energy. So I'm excited. You know, a little cheesy, but so and then whoever just talked calls on the next person. So, Jenny, how are you today?
Doing? Well. My name is Jenny. I like to coach I think women and parents, but you know, I'm still figuring it all out right now. So but I have one male client too, which is going really well. So you know, anything's possible. I'm open to changing that thought as I go along. Oh, Andhra.
Hello. Um, I, I'm doing all right, today, little headachy. It's been raining a lot. And we're all women here. So I got my period this morning. So that's fun. I'm all dolled up because I did a live. And I coach, women who are, and I'm sort of narrowing it down a little bit more at ADHD women, including moms or anyone who identifies as a woman. And I think my niche that I'm sort of focusing in on is that like, driven population of, if I don't have a job, or I'm in process of figuring it out, I still I've driven to get that goal, as opposed to working with those who feel really, like we have something called ODSP here, which is like disability payments every month. And there are a number of people who are like, there's no point I'm just going to stay on ODSP so yeah, definitely don't enjoy coaching those I have, and it's just not fun. I hope I'm saying this right. Briana? Briana? Briana?
Yeah, it's Brianna. But breeze Cool. Hi, I'm Bree. I own current ADHD. And so funny that you said you got all dolled up for a live because I definitely went live before I brushed my hair from the balcony this morning. I am at the beach right now. So Tracy, that's why I said this would work if it needed to, which is fine. So if it's a little loud, I'm just gonna say on mute. I coach kind of the same growth minded women. I also coach a couple of men and I recently started coaching kids. Sorry. Hang on one sec, I guess.
Thank you for free. Appreciate it.
Yeah, of course. So recently started coaching kids, but I limit the spots that I take kids, I love them, but it's a lot of extra energy. And definitely not my long term plan, but it's what's happening and I'm launching group coaching members in possession Sunday and Wednesday, so hopefully, Tuesday to launch July 1. So that's that's where we are right now and I just celebrated 60,000 on Instagram yesterday, so I'm pumped about that.
So if you guys want to know about Instagram and you know how to create a following breeze your gal Sondra has an awesome Facebook group and has a following and does a lot of group coaching. So like you have Some resources in this cohort drawn with each other. I've just offered up your volume like I just fell in told you.
Totally cool with that.
I really enjoy supporting like minded.
Yeah. I follow Bri on Instagram now, which I don't like follow anybody on Instagram much, but I follow her and they're like her lives are hilarious and also helpful. So thank you.
Yeah, there's a lot of shots. Okay. Oh, and so Oh, how do I hang on? How do I see other people's names? Tanya?
Tanya, I know Tanya with an A. It's yeah, I follow both of Well, obviously, I know Sondra because we were in the class together, and I follow her. But I followed you for a while. But I really enjoy your content. And you have like really good timing. Like it works. You're, you're like little bits work really well, because you've got great typing. So yeah, I enjoy that. It's inspiring. It's yeah, inspiring to see people, you know that we're going through the course with sort of branching out into doing. You know, like, it's great. It creates a lot of awareness and information. That's great. So I'm Tanya, yeah, I was in the Copart, with Sondra and Tracy. And I'm just kind of slowly moving into doing my business part time. I'm also a registered social worker. So I offer ADHD coaching, but also, like, I'm offering case management, and also in service education. And I just did one recently for a counseling agency here, who works mostly with kids and teens. And I went and did a ADHD education session for their therapists. And so that was really great. So I'm hoping to do a few different things. I like work, I love working with kids. That's what I've always done. But I have some adult clients, I have a few. And families. So I think I'm just gonna work with a bit of a variety. I'm working with some individuals who are youth who are ADHD and autism, and I'm really enjoying that. And I'm also like, Tracy, haven't really branched into the like to eat, but that's the total interest area of mine. So I'm sort of seeing that yeah, like I'd love to build some more skills in the to area on the also autism ADHD area. And because I think that some of those populations are challenging, and it's hard, sometimes hard for them to find services that are a match. So and I'm really interested in those areas that my kids are to eat. So I kind of get to live that every day with them. So inspires me. Yeah. So that's what I'm doing. And I just launched I think, an ad thing on Facebook yesterday. I don't know. Anyway, sorry. This is because I had my I got a dental implant, not like a year and a half ago, and I had to have a pull yesterday because I got infected. So that was really a lot of several $1,000 down the drain. Anyway, so I'm in some pain. I haven't tried all my jaw. Montel, no threes. And that's why I'm holding nice back to my face. Sorry, I should I should explain. It's nine in the morning here. So that's why I'm in my morning, but it does go by kids up to school. So I'm in Victoria. Canada.
I didn't do that where people are in and Austin, Texas. Yeah, we have a couple of Canadians.
I don't think I know you're in Texas.
I'm not in Texas. I'm in Austin.
That is different. That is very different. Yes. Whenever I moved here, I
say move to Austin. Weird, weird place. Let me tell you it's just a little
isn't awesome in Texas.
I mean, technically, but we don't try. We try not to highlight that really, really a different worlds.
like Texas, I've been to the state plenty times. And I just have been there many times.
Thanks. It's its own state. And it's a little wild Westy here in terms of like how little regulation there is for you know, anything. And yeah. There's some interesting folks and some interesting viewpoints here. But Austin is very much more like Chicago, where I came from, in terms of worldviews think I'm saying that like, carefully enough. So anyway, um, okay, awesome. I'm sorry about your tooth. Tanya, what time didn't she mentioned that she's got kids. She is actually an amazing ADHD mom. Like when you hear about the ways that she's adjusted for kids, so like, if you have kid questions, Tanya is your girl Oh, I'm sorry. And we will tell you tossed around the term to eat. But I think I've talked to you all enough. Do you know what That? Is? That familiar? Cool. Okay, so let's take a look. So I don't think I can't remember if I sent this to you yesterday or not, I'm gonna put a link in the chat. So just within the last I think week, I don't know, I stumbled upon it a few days ago, the ICF released the minimum skills criteria for ACC, for under the new competencies. Now, here's a discussion that we should have to about logistics, which I asked in the email is, some people have been trying really hard to get all their stuff done in in by July 27. Because that's when there's the changeover to the new. Whatever the assessment is going to be that is currently the coach knowledge assessment. It's moving, using all of the new criteria and the new competencies versus the 11 old competencies. Does anybody like have a perspective on whether you want to be done by them? Or do you do once month? What is what is your priority?
I'm along for the rock.
Game, and I want my ACC but I also don't know if I like the recordings that I have available. So I might need to gather some new AC you've seen them?
Yeah, I'm not in a rush. And I will have the hours by then anyway. So like, I wouldn't have 100 hours yet. So I think not. Yeah, no, I'd rather take my time and learn, you know, like, learn it well and not feel like it's a rush.
January. Where are you at with it? Yeah, I'm the same, I won't have enough hours by then anyway, so. Okay, cool. Honestly, like so the, as far as I can tell, because it's been very difficult to get information on the ICF. As far as I can tell, the biggest difference is that the knowledge assessment, whatever it looks like afterwards will be proctored. Whereas before, it's been like a self thing. So you could kind of, you know, fudge it a little bit. So it's going to be proctored, you can either go to a place, if you're near a metropolitan area, you can go and take a test somewhere, or there's internet proctoring. So that's, and we don't know what that exam looks like yet, whether it's harder. I read somebody who was involved in making it who said, If you know your code of ethics, and you know, your competencies, it's a lot of scenarios that so many have to think, harder than others. But like, it's really doable. The knowledge assessment that we currently have, you only had to pass for the 70%. We don't know what the new one is going to be. But it's probably going to be around there, which when you think about it is like you gotta get a C minus y'all come on. And I kind of think it makes sense for you all to do it after July 27. Because we've been teaching you around the eight core competencies, not around the 11. So they cover sort of the same stuff. But yeah, so All right, so we agreed on that. We'll do one in July and one in August. I will send out polls very shortly for that. So we can just get it on the books and get it done. So I put a thing in the chat. This is the new minimum skills requirement. I think you've all seen the table I've sent out before with like the ACC PCC, MCC, and what those behaviors look like. It was usually in an email for your like i x mentoring, I would send out an email at the beginning of the week. And one of the links was two core competencies, and one of them was to this table, which for me, I should look at it. You could and also this is replacing it. So it's just not as user friendly to look at. So yeah, if you guys want to click on that, and let's look at a couple of things.
We'll be right back I printed it. I just left it downstairs. Awesome. It doesn't print
nicely. Yes, Sondra,
since I wasn't in the mentoring through AI act. I did it with you privately. I didn't get the email that you were talking about with those two links.
Yeah, I could swear that I sent them to you at some point, but hang on a second. I'll just drop them in. I could have very well
missed them because I miss a lot. We
project Jenny. It was in one of our emails like the one you sent after we all agreed to Okay, no problem.
I'll just touring. Pardon me,
was it for this mentor? I think that's it. I
think Jenny's saying, oh, then we're gonna call it opened it. Yeah. Okay, so I sent one on June 6, three days ago, and it had four things to talk about in it. And the number four was links to the current core competencies, ACC expectations under the old competencies and then this this one that we're gonna look at the updated ACC expectations. Do you have it I can resend real quick
I'm looking and I don't see an email from you on June 6, I'm just looking through to see
if replace it says Sondra, Sondra, Sondra, rockin.com, right.
Yeah. All right, let's send it right. Oh, wait, I got it. I just found it. I'm going to start it. Well, the thing that we're looking at, I
also put the link in the chat just now.
Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Okay, so
I'm still getting familiar with this, to be perfectly honest. But let's take a look at it. We're going to concentrate today on the core competencies of evoking awareness and facilitating growth. So they're actually the last two. But I think they're sort of the meat of the thing. Really, right. Like it's the two things we do is evoking awareness and facilitating growth. Those are the big things that actually make up a coaching session. So that's why I thought we would start there. So yeah, so take a skim over, I guess. You've seen the competencies before they were also on your coaching, observation forms. So that looks familiar. That's why but it has the key skills being evaluated next. So let's take a look at that and just see, like, what comes up for you? What are you thinking about? Or what you know, what questions do you have from that?
Am I Is there a heading that says key skills to be evaluated? Am I overlooking
under each competency? And you here, I'll just share my scrub
monitor. Okay, I'm looking at
this part right here? This is for evoking awareness. Got it? Yep.
If we don't have questions, what are some ways that you have noticed yourself doing these things?
Okay, here we go. I think one of the ways that I see it show up most frequently.
When I share with a client, what I've noticed, I noticed you said, blank, tell me more about and more often than I realized their responses like, oh, my gosh, I didn't realize I said that. And then that takes them somewhere.
Yeah, good one. It's funny how much they're surprised by their own words, isn't it? What else? Yeah.
I was just looking at something and I lost it because of the sheer screen.
Oh, I'm sorry. It should try to scare off. I'm trying to be too helpful.
I hold on, I was looking at something. Okay. Yeah, um, I find that where was it? Number nine, invites the client to generate ideas about how they can move forward, and what they're willing to do so often towards the end of the session, or towards the end of the coaching in my groups. I'll say, okay, so what next steps would you like to take and let them sort of decide how they want to move forward and continue on that train until they've kind of derived something that's I don't want to say tangible necessarily, but in their mind, it might even like mentally tangible steps.
Some sort of movement forward that can be noticed. That ferrets, yeah, good. What else? Is the skills again?
I talk a lot with my clients about kind of limiting beliefs that are getting them stuck and kind of trying to make sure they're observing that when they come to like a standstill and moving forward with things like what thoughts are you having, like, how can you reframe that to move forward and things like that?
That's great stuff. I think another one that's really helpful is visualization. So oftentimes, Jenny's saying, Stop, maybe think of it. So oftentimes, the question will be, you know, imagine there's a wall between you and this thing, coming with the walls made of and it's been really enlightening for me to hear the answers. Because sometimes it can be something like the wall is just made of marshmallows. I'm like, Oh, well thought about, like, it looks like a wall. It looks like it's there, and I can just walk through the damn thing. Right? So it's really cool to see how different people perceive that question. And almost always go somewhere.
That's a great question. I like that one. I'm gonna steal it. I think with our clients, we need to like be aware of Have if someone has a Fantasia and can't visualize, right? So like, it's really helpful. And I have a client that I kept forgetting had a Fantasia, she's ADHD and autistic, and but like, I don't often say, hey, visualize this, I usually use it if they present it. But I liked that one. I think that was a cool one. There was a great coaching lab last week. The first session was excellent. I don't know, if you guys still have access to new coaching labs. The first section was awesome. It was somebody brought like a real emotional heaviness. You know, that's the client. And the coach did a great job. And the client at one point said something about, you know, it's like this little girl that still morning, and the coach said, What would you say to that little girl, which is a great use of visualization that the client brought. And then after that, she said, What would the little girls say back? And I was like, Oh, that's nice. And some really great awareness came out of that. So yeah, I using visualization, especially when the client introduces it is great. What else?
Are you asking specifically around evoking awareness? So yeah.
Think we're ever, maybe overlooking the simple of just asking the questions, right, just the simple, powerful questions. Tell me about that. Say more. What was that like for you? And just the general super basic, like, paint the picture for me?
Yeah. I mean, the, where it says specifically ACC applicants are assessed on the following skills, it's these three bullet points, you get that just from asking the powerful questions. You know, so and I've heard all of you coach, and you do that. So that's awesome. Let's, let's get down to facilitating client awareness or facilitating client growth, excuse me. And the key skills and the minimums there, see, where you see this coming up for you. Don't go away, I hate the ICF website, I hate it. But the passion
here I hear, um, like, with adult clients, when they're talking about some of their beliefs about, you know, in the past, in their experience with ADHD, and sort of limiting, wherever they've either been sort of given messages or, you know, integrated messages about not being able to do something or feeling shame, or, you know, really like some struggles around that, where it's really about the ADHD, but that wasn't always recognized, or identified when they were younger. And so, you know, just asking some, when hearing that, then ask him some questions to sort of help bring some awareness to well, maybe, maybe that's the ADHD, and, you know, and some awareness around being able to let some of that go in terms of that self blame part around why something's hard, or why something was hard. And, yeah, that self awareness and acceptance around being ADHD. I hear. Yeah, I hear that with, you know, like adults who are maybe like, diagnosed as a child, but you know, identified, but they're not really supported much after that, you know, and then sort of now into full on into adulthood. And ADHD is showing up in a lot of ways. And, you know, and they're struggling with, how it's showing up and, you know, understanding about that. So,
yeah, I think that's a great awareness, we can evoke, in, you know, one of the things in the minimum skills was show different perspectives or evoke different perspectives. And that's a big one that we do all the time, right, is, it's sort of like those little nuggets of, I don't wanna say education, but sort of knowledge nuggets we drop in, but then to help change your perspective. That's a great like evoking awareness thing. How about in facilitating growth?
I think this the Tom's method really comes up for me as I was reading that and so specifically, the, the measuring piece, you know, what would success look like or what does progress look like? That kind of thing. And then what will you commit to? Next are kind of maybe the most basic right
Yeah, the measurement piece that's in there. Right? That's number three developing measurable achievements that are steps toward the clients start stated goals or outcomes. Like you're in good shape and this start with anything to the closing columns, because this also applies to closing the session. Right? Sandra? Do you know the closing toms? Or do you remember the toms at all? Okay. Sandra did her first five hours just with me because she was I act not Calc. So just checking in that was fine. How about translating awareness into action? What does that look like for you?
Is that what does that look like? Or what's an example? Yeah.
Like, what is that? When you've done that? What is it? What does it look like?
Fun. So asking questions, so I have one specific client in mind. Tracy, not one that I've had in more recent months since we stopped. But she's like, always just like, she puts her hands and she's like, Oh, my God. Wow. And then it's going from that to congratulations. That's, that's really big. I'm happy for you. And obviously, more excitement than sounding like I'm going to fall asleep. But then going into it, how does this look in your life? Or where's this showing up? Where can it show up? How can you implement this new awareness? Like those just those powerful, simple questions? And it's just I don't know, it's so much fun. Yeah,
I've gotten real simple with this, after somebody has a new realization, and we kind of like, you know, marinate in that for a minute, I'll say, Okay, you got this great new awareness, what do you want to do about it? And just, like using that as the as the segue into making those plans, and making, you know, creating that action,
the language that I use, which is exactly the same thing that you were saying, just in different words, either say, like, kind of simple. That's awesome. What does that open up for you? Or what's possible now? Oh, I like that one. That was super fun. What else? Yeah.
I think I kind of went backwards. Before in evoking awareness, I was talking more about the action plans, I was looking at the wrong thing. So just going back to that, partnering with the client to say, Okay, so let's go through how you want to move forward, what steps do you want to take or steps might not be the word, but what do you want to do with this? And then all right, say back to me again, let's make sure we're all on the same page. How are you gonna hold yourself accountable? What do you what do you need? Just all those little puzzle pieces to make it the complete picture? Yeah.
I think I think we as ADHD coaches are probably going to be better at that than regular trained coaches, because we're used to having to ask, like, because our clients aren't gonna think of those things. Right. So like, I don't, you know, in the past, when I've had non ADHD clients, I do mostly have, you know, neurodivergent, folks now, but in the past, I haven't necessarily asked, how will you remember, that's what you want to do? And I asked that almost every time now, right? Because, you know, it's out of sight, out of mind, whereas most people, they don't need that. So like, those are the kinds of questions I think, really confirmed.
Because I don't think I've ever considered not asking that question. Like you saying that that's not just like a sacred question. I was like, Oh, just,
I mean, I'm sure it would help neurotypical folks too, but also, like, I haven't had the experience that that's the problem is that they forget.
I also just, it's funny, because right before at 1130, the live that I did was on ADHD and memory strategies. It's my post it board, like right here on it. But yeah, it's yeah, how will you remember to take action is so big, and every time it's like, yeah, I want to do it, but I'm gonna forget.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, as soon as you ask that the clients go, oh, you know, right.
I think so often, that comes up as a limiting belief before you even get there. Like, I mean, yeah, these all sound great, but I'm not gonna remember. Like, interesting.
So when you want to do about that, exactly.
And coming back to me awareness, you reminded me Sondra But my favorite thing, or Jenny's favorite thing that I do is asking for clarification on a word. What's what out? Sorry, I want to show what's the strategy. And as I like, pick apart what is the strategy or was a plan that seems to like generate awareness as to
I had a, I just had a client roll off. She was a 15, then turned 16 year old, twice exceptional teacher really bright, really self aware, just a delight to work with. And we had made several plans about how she get her work done in the cetera, et cetera, right. And she came one day, and she was like, so here's the thing. I haven't really, I don't really do those plans. Like, they sound really good when we're talking about them. But I don't really do them. I was like, okay, she's like, Yeah, I don't think plans really work. I was like, Cool, no more plans. And she was like, oh, okay, well, so we go through the session. And we get to the end of the session, and I was like, Okay, so I'm a little concerned. Because this sounds suspiciously like a plan. And she's like, Yeah, maybe it's, and we monkeyed around with it. And we'd like strategy. So she could strategy, it was the same thing. But when we call the strategy, she could execute it.
And we call the plan, you resist somebody telling you what to do. Yeah,
it was really, it was a cool learning moment for me. Yeah. Yeah. I've been
working with some youth, and what siblings that actually go to their house. And that's just like, so amazing. Because I'm in their space with them. And one was about he he has a medical diagnosis as well. And so they she was the medication, forgetting his meds, and I'm like, walk me through it. Okay, so they're here, often some basket random basket in the kitchen. And so, like, we I'm like, show me you show me now and what works for you. Like, he can tell me like he's very aware. And then I'm like, and let's do it. Like, we're like, let's do it. And so it end game that follow up? Oh, yeah, I'll, I'll put this in your mind. Or I'm like, Okay, well, when are you gonna do that? And then he goes, Oh, yeah, I'll do that right now.
And happens all the time. Right?
Where I'm, like, I'm here. We're here. We're doing this, lets you know, that and then it? And then it happens. Right? And so yeah, because I quickly learned, you know, when it was sad, but not done when I was there, then it was never done. Right. And so, and because I think it's, it's a teenager, you know, he's also like, okay, as well with sort of me kind of being, you know, in that space, and with him and stuff, but it's actually, I think, far more effective than if I was trying to help him or work with him on any of this, outside of that setting. You know, so in this situation, that kind of works to be able to be in their, you know, go to their space. And, and these are the kids who are also have autism. And so yeah, they are comfort is, you know, like, where they're comfortable is an important piece of that. So, but it's been, yeah, that's been a good part. And then I can follow up with texts, you know, and all that kind of stuff. But just that, like, down to the tiniest detail needs to happen, and then it'll happen. But that's what I realized has to go down to the very smallest level of detail, and then it could go forward. Yeah.
And one more question, and then we're gonna get to some coaching. How are y'all feeling about your closings? feel solid in them that good?
Too much, I think. Okay. I tend to summarize for the client a little bit too much. Okay. So let me just say if that tendency from like, excited about what, you know, and then so, I noticed I did that in some of my recordings as well. So I'm trying to sort of hold the space and allow the client to do that summary.
Good. Growing edge, Sandra, you're about to do something.
I'm very awkward at closing. I think that just stems from like me being awkward. It's ended by in general.
resonate with this very strongly.
It's, I'll close and it's like, okay, what are your next steps? And then it is over, but I'm like, I always feel like I'm missing something. And then I'll watch back and I'm like, Okay, no, that wasn't as That is it was in my head. And then sometimes I watch back and I'm like, Oh, I am done instead. And as Tracy No, I will I'm, like, very realistic with myself. We're going through one of my sessions. I'm like, this is a shit show. Like,
it was amazing. We got like, 10 minutes into the recording. And I'm like, Okay, this is, maybe this is. And finally she just stopped. It was like, this is a shit show. And I was like, Well, yes. It's not your best. What has been the it's like the best moments mental coaching I've ever had. I'm sorry, all that that was fantastic.
And I've been not with the ICF. But coaching and counseling for years, because that was what I did before. This. It's just closing with clients before this, or was students because I worked on the school system was always like, Okay, so we're followed up, we're gonna meet here, this is what you're going to do for me, you're gonna send me an email about that. And it was like, these are steps. Okay, see you next time. Next, like the Secretary would send in reception when sending the next student. Like, because there were a university for those who don't know. And now it's kind of like, well, I'm on my own clock. And I always have buffer between my clients. So I feel like, oh, I can give them an extra five minutes. Oh, I can make some extra 10 minutes. Oh, I'm gonna be late for the next one. Oh, it's that awkward. Goodbye.
Yeah. I have taken to asking my last question being so what else can I do for you today? And the answer is usually nothing. Like it almost always, I think it's always been nothing, but it's sort of the signifier of okay, we don't we came here to do what else? You know, what else do you need? And that helps me sign off. But I have the same problem. I have set my sessions at 50 minutes. And I'd never 50 minutes, but it gives me that 10 minute buffer to like I'm aiming for the 15 minutes. I know I'm gonna go over I have this time. Nobody makes an appointment for like 10 minutes till the hour. So I know they've got the extra 10 minutes to I'm not being disrespectful of their time as much.
Yeah, at least I've even changed that on my website for exactly that reason.
It's, and they think of it is an hour, so but if I did 15 minutes, it's totally fine. It's in my contract. Right. It's in my agreement. So yeah, closing, I think that closing Tom's helps with closings. And also you have to find your own like comfy way of getting out. All right, so we're going to sort of do this same thing and an abbreviated version next time with the three competencies are concentrating on next time and I'll send you an email so you don't have to remember when I say the right now, but they are embodying your coaching mindset, maintaining presence and listening actively. We've tried to kind of clump them not like just by number, but like what, you know, the sort of the theming they kind of go together. So and that's also listed on the original group mentor coaching page that had the info on it. So alright, well, we need two coaches and two clients today. There are four of you except Tanya, maybe not wanting to talk that much. It's totally up to you, Tanya, what you want to do. But we definitely need to coaches.
So who wants to coach today? I'm willing, I'm just concerned about the sound. Don't care.
I'll do alright. Alright, so Sondra and Brady will be our first coaches. Yeah, okay. Bri sounds sort of like waves. So Jenny, you could be to be client. Alright, Tanya, you get to be a client. You don't need me to do it. You want to wait and see.
Yeah. Right. Looking at my eyes. I'm like, God, I look so looks to
be a really interesting coaching session. What happens when your brain is slightly altered? Yeah. Okay,
my thoughts on the scattered side right now. So let's see.
Let's do the first one and then we'll see where we are.
I just want you guys to know that I just spent like four and a half minutes frantically looking around for my pen is laying right here right in front of me on the keyboard.
It sounds about right. Yeah. Okay, so bring your Sondra who wants to go first. Actually, no, I'm not gonna do that. Bree and Jenny, you know each other really? Well. Sandra, can you be the first coach for Jenny please? Okay, awesome. Have a question. Yes, ma'am.
My memory is not serving me well, in the moment. Tom's is topic outcome measurement and why I can't remember the first S
significance. Thank you. I have the only reason I remember them is I have a post it stuck to my monitor. The closing costs especially I don't have done yet. So. So we're going to do 20 minutes. I'm going to run and grab my timer and we're going to 20 minutes and then we'll do a debrief and everybody can listen for what you know the big coaching labs I asked for just what what went well is all I want to hear from students, but we're in a smaller group and we're all friends. So like I want to hear all the things that you notice First, and then I'll talk about whatever you all didn't already talk about. But you're all astute coaches, so I may have nothing to say. We'll see what happens. I'm
never gonna have nothing to say.
I have no idea we're talking about. Totally, that could happen. Okay, so let's, I'm gonna spotlight you to One. Two. Okay. And we'll turn everybody else we can turn off our videos and our microphones. Sondra, what else do you need? Do you need help with timekeeping? Do
you need what would be helpful? You said 20 minutes. 20 minutes? Yeah, I'm good with timekeeping. So I have my time. It's 42 After the hour, so I'll stop at two after the next hour.
Yep, that's what we're shooting for. If it goes over a minute or two, like, you know, no stressing. All right, any you're good. You're ready.
I gotta think of a topic.
I've always seen in the coaching lab, like really, you all don't have anything that you're stuck on? Nothing. Your life is perfect. Yes, yes. Yes. That's lovely in that case. Alright, ladies, I'm ready to go.
All right. Hi, Jenny. Hi. How are you today?
I'm doing okay. How are you?
I'm good. Thanks. Do you have everything you need?
I do. Thank you.
All right. So what would you like to be coached on today? Well, I've
been feeling really overwhelmed. My kids, that's their last day of school, and I'm getting ready for a vacation next week. And I feel like I have a big mess in my house that I want to organize. I feel like that is maybe three topics or just one. So I don't know. That's just
I'm laughing because I'm a mom too. And it's, it's a it lands in terms of like that is a lot. All those things. It is three separate things. And they all connect. So you've got kids last day of school vacation coming up and the house, you want to organize a bunch of stuff? What ideally, would you like to get out of today's coaching session?
Um,
maybe just a way I can feel no, honestly more at peace, but just a little calmer about everything, and maybe have a plan for what I can deal with now and what I can wait to deal with a better time.
So when you say you said you want to feel calmer and maybe have a plan, obviously, the priority is what should be done now and wait, when you use the word calmer? What do you mean by that?
I'm always thinking about what I have to do instead of just prioritizing it and leaving it to the wayside until I need to deal with it. Like just how to stop those ruminating thoughts of oh my god, I have so much going on. Like it's just way too much.
Okay, so just to make sure I understood your definition of feeling calmer. And it would be to stop the ruminating thoughts and prioritize things so you can start on them, as opposed to leaving them and just keep thinking about the things that have to be done. Yes. Okay. Why is this important to you? We're sorry. Scratch that. How is this important to you? Um,
I think it's just important to I would like to go into the summer with the mindset of enjoying it instead of always like thinking about what I have to do. And I can enjoy that time with my kids, instead of being pissed off about a family
is like my, my mom, household chore, personality just being like, yep. But it makes it's completely aligned with what you want. You want to feel calmer, so you can enjoy your time with your kids instead of feeling pissed off. And that all that balance is so well. Those emotions. So, where would you like to start?
Maybe just talking about what's overwhelming me and how to prioritize it. Okay.
So what is overwhelming you
have a lot of traveling anxiety. So the thought of like packing to go somewhere overwhelms me and I overthink it. And it wastes a lot of time. So there's that. I also like coming back to a clean house. So wanting to get that in before I leave is kind of important to me, but also not necessary. So I don't know if that's something you need to let go of. And just little things that need to get done, like taking things to be donated or, you know, going through my girls rooms to get rid of stuff to donate. And there's a lot of work stuff that I want to do. But I think that just needs to be set aside until I get back. Okay, I'm sure there's more, but that's what I have right now.
Okay, so how about, I kind of say back to you a few of the things that are as much as I picked up, I wrote down a couple things. So you mentioned travel anxiety. And then you talked about packing, you also talked about coming home to a clean house and how that's very important to you. And then there's called them the little things like giving things away going through your girls rooms, and work, which you said, could wait till you get back. So going back to the travel anxiety and packing when you said travel anxiety, and then you went to packing what stands out to you there.
I'm just making sure we have everything, you know, I have to pack for three of us almost four, because you know, I remind my husband what to bring. So it just it always seems like a lot. And I always act like we're going to the middle of nowhere that doesn't have a store. Which isn't true. But that being said, I also don't like not having the stuff we need. So I don't know. I'm just looking at my piles of clothes over here. What I have to take so
when you mentioned travel anxiety, and you mentioned packing, how are those two connected?
Think I'm just a creature of comfort. So when I leave, it just gives me anxiety. I don't know.
That makes a lot of sense.
And it's a lot. It's a long flight to so just making sure my kids will be entertained. And we're not going nuts on a nine hour flight is Oh, wow. Yeah.
Where are you off to
go into Hawaii. So it's exciting, and it'll be fun. That's a long travel time points to little kids.
Yeah, it is. And it's a long travel time for an adult to
so just
want to recognize that for you as well. So the travel anxiety is related to the packing and it's also connected to your emotions around being out of your comfort zone of your own home.
Okay what can you do to reduce this anxiety
make a list. I could delegate which I suck at. But it probably is something I need to learn to do and it would be helpful so I guess that's kind of my plan this weekend is to have my kids help and my husband help us kind of figure out what we need to take and maybe pre pack a little bit just so I feel like it's not as overwhelming. I leave Wednesday so it's not like it's it's coming up quickly.
So So you said you, you have to make a list and delegate and delegate is something you suck at. Yeah. And then you went in to say, who you could delegate to? Right?
So what?
What would be helpful here in relation to the list and the delegating? How would that look? I stacked Tracy I know, I stacked and I know you're laughing.
Um, what would be helpful in making my list? I suppose I could make a list. And then decide what things I can delegate. So maybe I feel like I have more control. Okay. Also important to me.
Absolutely. Yeah. You mentioned there's third, you're responsible for packing you, the kids and partially your husband. It's so as much as you want control that part of you. It sounds to me like, the reflection I'm getting is
you're responsible for a lot.
So you said you can make a list and then decide who's doing what? When could you make this list?
I should probably do it today. Well, I'm going to do it tomorrow. Let me rephrase that. I don't have time to do it today. So I will do it tomorrow.
Okay. And how will you ensure that you follow through on making a list?
Writing I have to otherwise I'll feel like I'm going crazy. And I do need to write everything down.
Okay. Now you said delegating is something that is in your words you suck at so what usually stops you from delegating?
It depends on the situation. A lot of times, it's just like I want to do have it done the way I would like it. Or sometimes like I leave it up to other people to do and if I forget, so I just ended up having to do it anyway. And that is more annoying than just having done it myself the first time. So I feel like in this situation, just having my girls take some responsibility is good and, and helping them through the process as they're just learning. That's okay. Yeah.
How old are your girls?
They just turned eight and 10.
Okay. I'm a little behind, you know, three and a five year old. So I asked how old they are. Because it gives helps give me an idea of understanding. I mean, of course, age is only one factor. There's other factors that contribute. You said that you're gonna help them along through the process. Now there's a few pieces, few moving parts that we have going right now. And there's the list and what you're going to do yourself and delegate and then add what you do delegate to your girls, how you're going to help them through that process of doing those tasks. How will you maintain or regulate your emotions?
I was going to say drinking but I'm talking I'm smoking
think if I noticed I'm getting worked up I'll just take a break. Also doing things when they're occupied, and I have time, so it's not feeling rushed? That was a good question, by the way. Um yeah. Because if if I'm like, or seen it at a time that it's not right. It's just everybody's going to be angry and I'm going to be ridiculous. So just planning ahead. If I give myself enough time, it will help. Okay.
I asked that question because you mentioned that The best outcome from today is that you would feel calmer and calmer meaning that calm would kind of go throughout all the process of this traveling xiety Packing etc. So now you've mentioned having a plan and giving yourself enough time. So what is enough time?
Do it before Wednesday I would say I'd like to have a general idea of like, everything we need to have ready to go by the end of the weekend.
Okay, so end of the weekend. What is end of the weekend for you? Monday night? Okay. When Sunday night
I stopped thinking around seven o'clock. So before.
Okay, that's good. That's good. I asked that question with a little little hesitancy on my end, because some people might think Sunday night before you go to bed, but I didn't know. Sorry, train. I didn't know where you go with that. And what you said seven o'clock is actually really important information. Because if you don't get it done by seven, you're just you're gonna have trouble thinking. Like you said, you stopped thinking after seven o'clock. So how can you move forward with this plan right now.
Um, I think the first step is to make the list. And then to make the other list for the things my kids can focus on. And then just kind of take it from there. And then check in with myself throughout the weekend to see how I'm feeling about it.
What else needs to be done for me to feel comfortable? And have less anxiety about doing?
What will your check ins look like?
I guess just checking in with myself to see how I feel emotionally.
That's really good. I mean, and that is so individual to people, the way they do that self check in. And recognizing that you need it. So that's, that's also really, really good. I don't often give strategies in coaching, but there is one that is based in CBT, which I give to a lot of my clients for self check ins. Would you like to know more about it? So it's called halt? Have you heard about that?
I think so. But refresh my memory.
So it's for any type of self check in, you could be feeling good and still do it. Or you could be feeling not good and still do it. So it's H A Lt. And you're asking yourself, Am I hungry? Or thirsty? Am I angry? So as for angry or any other kind of emotions? L is for lonely. So am I feeling lonely. But it could also be the opposite Am I feeling like there's too many people and I
need space. That's usually when I'm feeling
and the last one is tired. And then T for tired is I maybe need to take a break from this. Or I need to sleep or I need to just close my eyes for a minute and take a few deep breaths. It's whatever strategy could work for you. So I just want to kind of give that to you now the halt strategy. And that way you kind of have it in your back pocket. And I do have a few videos on it I think in my free Facebook group. So if you're interested in watching them, they're there. They're pretty short. Okay. How are you feeling about this plan that you have in place?
I think it's a good start. Look at about it.
Okay. Can you walk me through the plan? One
more. I'll start by making my list and going through what I need And I'm making a smaller list for each of my girls so they can help with the packing process and, and it just helping them learn how to unpack and teach them apps and then do a check in throughout the weekend. So by Sunday, I will feel comfortable as we go into next week.
Amazing. What else? That's all I got. Okay, so we're coming to the very end of our time. And before we do and off, what else could I do to support you here?
Okay, I think that was a good start to the plan. And I like the whole strategy. And I think that will be helpful to do as they check in with myself.
Amazing. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for bringing all of that to the table today. It was very interesting to walk through a similar situation to something that I will have been someone else's like. Sure. Exactly. Yeah. And moms didn't ADHD. So you're juggling a good amount of stuff. Yes. And, and I wish you luck with this plan.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
All right, Tracy, I think we're done.
Nice job. Ladies. Let me on spotlight you. paired up Jenny loves the spotlight. I know. I know. I'm just gonna leave her up the whole time and the rest was these little boxes and it'd be awesome for her.
Giving me anxiety at all. Tracy
Why can't I get my girl we did I did it on spotlight. You. I think I did.
Oh, you're spotlighted? I'm spotlight. On Mike.
I think it's whoever speaking is spotlighted now.
Yeah. All right. Why can't we get oh view? Hang on. So you want to see everybody? Yeah. Okay. Um, all right. Thank you ladies. Both of you. Great work. I'm Sandra. How do I feel?
I'm always nervous when I know I'm being watched. So it wasn't as natural for me. Because I kept thinking okay, Tracy is watching me. And
terrifying figure. I know.
You're really scary. And that's why I like jumped in at one point. I was like, shit I said act Yeah, I I mean, for me, it was it was good. Because I do a lot of group coaching. Now. 20 minutes even felt like longer than I'm used to. At this point. I only have a couple of one to ones right now. So that was, it was kind of nice, because we really got to dig in a little deeper.
I felt a little awkward in general, just because I knew people were watching. Okay. And I think like I'm very I'm very fidgety in general and I'll move around a lot. And I probably like the halt strategy that I was giving you a habit like to the side, but in a few pages back. If I wasn't being watched, I would been like, Oh, hold on. Let me just get it and been all messy. I'm very messy with my clients, but they like it. So it's good. But when I'm being watched see I just flipped a pencil. When I'm being watched I'm trying very hard to mask which I shouldn't because it's not what I want to do.
Right? We like your clients.
Because it's a should and that's contour to thinking.
Yeah, okay. Good job noticing that all right, you know that that was going on. So next time you can know what you need to Know what you want to do a little bit differently.
Yeah, you
well, to just be me, I would say at the beginning I said I'm all dolled up because I went live not just because I really felt like crap but usually like my hair is pretty nasty. And I'm in sweatshirt like a hoodie and I think that just makes me more comfortable right now I'm like all sensory overload with
it's funny you say that because as you were saying like yep, that's probably knows like, and she's dolled up she's got straight hair, like that's not Sondra in her Saundra self. Yeah,
no wonder I understand yourself. It's like frizzy, wavy, curly mom on
Wednesday. All right, Jenny, what would what was your experience like?
I thought she did a really great job reflecting and checking in with me throughout the process. So I really appreciated that. I think I'm usually pretty hard to coach so I thought she did a good job.
Okay. Okay. breathing hard.
I was noticing how open you were today and you know, that made me hoping
you were going to grade you all on being clients as well as being coaches. That's what we do here. No. Well, good job I knew for being so open then like, good. Congratulations. And, and and so how did you How was your anxiety level? Like, at the end compared to the beginning?
I felt better, like kind of having a plan and talking about I think always helps.
Okay. All right. Tanya, and Bree, what do you hear? Oh, yeah,
I mean, I know Saundra from class, but I noticed Sondra, I was like this spot, quite the same site. I remember from class, and not that you like us some really great questions, but much more tentative, then I have my experience with you in the past. So I noticed that you were seemed to be very going very carefully. And that's not like, that was just like an observation. But yeah, I was like, oh, so it just seems a little more tentative today. I wonder what that's about? So thank you, you explained.
Because I was being watched, and I wanted it to be like, as ICF. passable as
possible. Yeah, words.
I'm usually really like, Tonya said, I probably have been like, Oh, yeah. So your girls are eight and 10? What's that? Like? I've three to five year old and like going a little deeper? Like, are yours off the wall? Because minor.
But I also noticed that you, you also were kind of held back a little bit from the like, you related. But then you were able to kind of contain it. And, and Jenny seemed like okay with that, because she didn't ask you to, you know, like, elaborate more. So I think you kind of read it. Right. But you were like, but I could see that that was, you know, because sometimes we relate, but the client doesn't always want us to share that or, or need us to share that. Right. And so we think you were good about like acknowledging that, and then just letting it go. And then moving on to, you know, what Jenny was identified with? So I thought you did that? Well. Because sometimes I think we need we should just acknowledge that we have that. And then you know, like, Tracy, you said, what if something is always sticking in your head? Sometimes you just need to say it and then you move on. Right? Ah, yeah, I think I liked how you asked around, you know, what would what would generally like to get out of the session like you seem to you followed? The I noticed that the Tom's the topic, you know, how is this important to you? I like that you corrected you made the correction because we're I think in this setting, and so we can do that. And Tracy, you've said that to us several times. Like that's okay. If you say something and you realize, oh, I wanted to say differently. And you did that. And so I appreciated that you did that Sondra because that's like, boggling to like, that's okay. You know? She would I said, why? What this is what I meant, you know, so I appreciated that. You were empathetic, and, you know, we're able to provide some recognition of like, What was hard? And I think that helped Jenny just feel like, okay, you're comfortable that, you know, this, you know, what she's struggling with is is like a real challenge. And, and then when there were sort of a lot of things going on, and you kind of brought it back to all, you know, I think there's, there's a few moving parts here. So you were sort of trying to get back to like, what should you know, like, what's the priority to focus on? What are we going to do with all this? So kind of recognizing that there were sort of some different paths and able to contain it there. And then I liked how you asked permission to share your strategy. And
yeah, that's what I took notes on,
but yeah, and then we were able to get any to a place of like a concrete. You know, you were good about like, kind of going back and we'll help you know, what's that look like? How's that going to happen? What What does that mean to you? What does you know? Like, what calmer? What does that mean to you that yes to what the delegation? There was one question about the delegation that I was thinking might have been asked differently in a way to get at what was like the stuck point about delegating. But also, there might not have been time for that either. You know, like, that could have been a whole other stream, right to get into, like, what it is about delegating. That's hard. Okay. I was like, yeah, like, yeah, you know, sort of, I think you made the choice to just like, acknowledge it, but not get into it. Because I
was very curious. I thought exactly what you've just said that it would be. It would take like, that's a whole piece on its own. You can coach for a whole hour on the emotions behind something like that. Yeah. And when you said that, you noticed, I was like, holding back and more contained. That was That's something I've really been working on, because I could talk for an hour straight and not realize an hour has gone by.
Yeah. So yeah, I noticed that. But no, yeah, that was that was very good. Yeah. Yeah,
um, you're a lot of things that one has said, so I loved how you were able to rein her in. You can't hear me.
Is that any better?
Shoot, I wonder if my headphones aren't working? Hang on. Are they connected? Better? Yeah. Okay. Thank you. I love how you were able to rein her in at the beginning. genuis, just like, here are all of the topics. Choose one for me. So I love that. And I especially love like how specific you got at the end, and like closing it out. And helping her understand why it's important to nail that down. I love that. I think something that Tracy said to me, I think it was Tracy, that said to me one time in talking about like, choosing questions to ask was, imagine you were watching a movie, you might not have said this, I might have made this up based on something you said, okay, okay, this is what I took it. This is how I heard it. But imagine you were watching a movie, what would you be curious about? Like, what would you be wondering what's going to happen here? And so just a couple of things that came up for me, like when you went the calmer route I might have like followed up with when are some times that you are calm? Or what makes you calm? Or how do you know when you're home? And then the two other things that stood out like Tonya said two things around delegation, what tasks will delegate double, not a word, it's dynamic of words? Or what's hard about delegating, like he said, and then the other one that really stood out was when she was talking about packing and travel anxiety, I think I would have gone with how do you know what to take? Or how do you choose what to take? Or how do you know what to take or whatever, because she was talking about like, I'm looking at this pile of clothes, or I have anxiety around what to take or like there's no store, whatever, all these things around like, Oh, what am I supposed to take? Well, how do you know? How do you know what to take? So those curiosities, that kind of piqued my interest. And I totally agree that 20 minute sessions make it really freakin hard. But I've tried to Tracy kind of inspired me to just do it and let it end where it ends. So those are the things that came up for me. But I thought it was great.
I love and I already forgot what it was, but I love it. Yeah, it you were talking about like, what's delegate double, but I liked that. If you were in a movie, what would you be curious about? And your perspective on things was so different than mine. And that's why like, I think it's these these sessions are really great. And also that's why some people connect with one coach over another even though you controversy, aviation. I really liked your questions that you picked up on there. That was really great. Really helpful, thank you.
It's always easier when you're, it's like playing Jeopardy. But watching watching you
see things because it's still invokes that awareness or evokes that awareness sessions.
I encourage you all to and we are recording and then there'll be unclean your parents grips. There'll be attached to the audio so you can kind of clean it up on your own if you want or you can just like tell what's going on. But, you know, watch and see what other threads could I fold. What other questions could I have asked that were there. You know, that I didn't see in the moment, but, you know, doing that for yourself, but those are some those are some good threads for you better alternative threads. Yeah,
I think it probably like you said at the beginning trysting I know Jimmy really well. Yeah. So that probably could have been a piece of it, too. She wasn't joking about drinking, either.
I wasn't joking about the drugs.
What am I texting? Moms man. I don't know how y'all do it. I really don't. It's on me. We don't sleep before Harrow, we lose a lot of hair because that's what happens. Tell you that before you become a mom, it's like all the pregnancy like problematic things. There you go. Like the things that are problematic about pregnancy that they don't tell you until like it happens. What do you mean, I could turn green? Like, nobody put that in a book?
No, I drink more coffee than I've ever thought I could possibly consume. That help? Well, I'm not on stimulant meds anymore. So coffee is basically you're still got it? Okay. Like I can take a good long nap after it's like five espressos? No problem.
All right. Got it? Are we good? Anybody have anything else they want to add? Or notice? I
have a question. Actually, guess me I was about something that Bree just said before came to me. She mentioned like when when Jenny was saying I have a big pile of clothes to look at or, or something? It was there was a question. And I felt like I couldn't determine if it was coaching the problem or coaching the person. Okay, it was a sample of that of one of the questions that we gave. And do you know which one I'm talking about tracing?
How do you choose? Or how will you know what to take? Or how do you know,
to take Thank you? Would that be? Like? I think that's a great question. But then, when I was doing my mentoring with you privately, I remember asking questions, and you were like, is that coaching the person with a problem? And I was like, Oh, the problem. And so now I get that like,
yeah, which that one didn't like, try my spidey sense of coaching the problem. Okay. Because you're asking her, what would you do? You're not saying how like, so to decide what you take how, like, what do we do about that? Or? So when you're deciding what to take? Start with shirts? What when, how many? How many shirts do you need? What kind of shirts do you need? You know, like that time we're coaching the problem and leading a little bit, versus how do you decide what to do? That's about her internal mental process. Okay.
Yeah. What are you Sondra? Oh, I'm sorry, Tracy, I'm gonna interrupt. What helps me is for that exact thing, because I struggle with it is if I take away the second half of it, like what to pack what to take whatever? Does it still work? And so like the question, like, if she's talking about packing, or whatever the question would just be like, how do you know? How will you choose? So that could be like, how do you choose or whatever. So it doesn't it could be related to anything. Does that sound right, Tracy? Like? That's kind of how I did
it. Yes. For like, the context could be anything. But the for that question about her thinking. Litmus test. Does that make sense? Sandra? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I think it's that in the you know, is it about her mental process? Or is it about the particular context? That situation?
Okay. Yeah, and that's the mental process. Yeah. Watching the person. Okay. Cool. Got it.
Thank you. Yeah, thank you for helping me think through why that didn't turn on me. Okay, so here's what I'm gonna go quick so we can get to the next one. Here's what I noticed. I think you did great with the Tom's I may have missed it. But I think maybe we missed the M the measurement piece. How will you know when we got there? Or did you do it? I did it. Okay. I don't always catch them on
it. That was when she said she would feel more calm.
Oh, yes. Yes. Okay, cool. So I love that you made sure to get her definition of calm to like make sure you're understanding what does that look like for both of for both of you so you can be taking her perspective really nicely. That was a good move. You've got some great reflections. I would encourage you to keep making them more succinct. Your words more succinct? Just keep keep pushing toward that I know that's something you work on. I agree with Tonya around like the pieces were you related around the mom stuff especially. I think it was just enough it was just the right balance of like, we're in this together. I get where you're coming from and back to what you what you need. So I think that was a nice nice balance and I know that's some of it is us restraining ourselves from our natural bent so that but that was nice. Um, you Just, oh, they made an interesting connection that you went from, you asked about the connection between anxiety and packing, that that was a cool connection to, like draw it and point to and see what happened with that. So I like that, um, did you do when she was talking about making a list? And also when she's talking about how to reduce even though you're talking about how do we reduce the anxiety both times I had a, what's worked before? Or how has the list helped in the past kind of idea. One of the things about anxiety is its ambiguity, right? It's actually a fear, it's fear, it's ambiguity, it's not knowing. So like, the more you can make it something that she does know, the lower the anxiety is gonna go. Yeah. I loved how will you regulate your emotions? That was a great question. And it was some good shared humor around the drinking and the drugs, which we all picked up on. It was like, Yeah, I mean, seriously. That was nice. I like that you nailed down what time on Sunday? Because we found out her brain turns off at seven. So like, that affects how do we schedule this thing? I thought that was a nice particular to get into. I appreciate your transparency, you're on why you asked some of the things. And also can that be shorter? So like when, like we asked the time question, you were like, here's why I asked that question. I think you don't always need that. And if you if you think you do make it as short as you possibly can. Because the clients just answered the question. If they wonder why you asked that, they'll ask you. What was that about? What do you need to know? Right? Like, they're gonna ask you that push back a little bit. So let them do that. What were your check ins look like when she said, I'll check in on myself through the weekend. And that was a nice piece of questioning. What will that look like? So, you know, making that a little bit more concrete? I agree with Tanya on the whole, like you did a good job of leading up to it. And then asking permission, I think we missed the second end of the book ending which was like, So what do you think about that? Right? So making it as condensed as possible, I would have just gone through H for hungry a for angry, L for lonely, T for tired. They're almost self explanatory. We like so we check in on each of those four things. And if something's out of balance, then you know that what you need to do? What do you think about that? Right? So getting it down to like one to three sentences. So here's the couple of threads that I wanted to pull on. Because I think when we do 20 minute coaching sessions, I agree it's hard to do get into the evoking awareness. Because we want the the plan by the end. And also, I think there's more space for it than we think there is. And sometimes the end plan is really just a feeling like a better feeling about what's going on. Right. So she wanted to feel calmer. Oh, you know, understanding some of the emotional piece might have helped calm her. So the things, the threads that I heard. And whenever we're talking about threads, it's like you pulled great threads. And also, here's some others, just like Bree was putting out there. One of my thoughts was anxieties about all the possibilities that could happen, that would be bad. I'm curious about that. So, you know, in this anxiety, like, so what's the worst thing that could happen? What are the fears that are coming up for you around this? Can I ask you a question?
Sure. How does that not cross the line into like therapy?
I'm not digging into what's the root of these fears? What childhood trauma? Did you have that?
We go past that it's
exactly so it's more like you're scared? Now? What's that about? And using that to change behavior going forward? So get into emotions, like as coaches, if we aren't into the emotions, we're not into awareness.
Some of that is kind of like what Jenny was. Jen, Jen, Jenny, sorry, I'm terrible today. I kind of was thinking the same thing. And I wrote it down anxieties, but all the things that could happen, that would be bad. I mean, obviously, we know that, but having it in quarters helps. And because I have a counseling background, sometimes I tread very carefully around the emotions of specify specifically anxiety and depression. Bring certain things in, but I'm very careful because I could go so much deeper. Like just naturally because that's what I did for years. And, yeah, so I feel like it is it is a very fine line of it's going to take a lot of practice for me to get there. Yeah, continuing practice. Of course.
I think I think you are still working on finding that balance. That makes a lot of sense. So let yourself go a little farther than you went this time. Okay. Yeah. You have you have plenty of room from what I've thought today and counseling. There's room in there. Yeah. Okay. The last thing and this is kind of for everybody, because I've been saying this a lot in my mentoring sessions lately. One of the last bits of Tom's is what are you taking away from today? And here's the thing when somebody gives you their plan, you figure that's what they're taking away from today, I'm not going to be redundant and ask, but at least half the time I asked that question. They give me something deeper, they give me something bigger, that they're taking away from the session, not just the concrete plan. Sometimes they go, Well, the plan and I go, okay, you know, but asking that question is really started giving me some surprises that are really helpful. And tells me a lot about the client for the next session, too. So those are my thoughts. What do you think?
My take away from your feet.
I'm so sorry. Guys under and then, and then we'll take breaks.
I like that. What are you taking away from today, at the end of the session? I felt that if because you've you've seen my other sessions, I felt that like the short sessions I did a few months ago versus the one just now that I've, I've become more aware of the questions I'm asking as opposed to just letting everything flow out of my mouth. And like Tanya was saying, this isn't the song. And I'm the same person. It's just when I'm coaching now, it's very different, because I might, I'm controlling my impulsivity a lot. I mean, I'm gonna assume that we all have ADHD, because a lot of the time we do and I mean, I've got ADHD combined type, and my impulsivity could be really bad. And my husband has that is like you say things that are so inappropriate. But when I'm coaching, it's like this, switch flips. And I've noticed that the switch, it's like, almost like a dimmer light. But it's been on more bright lately, then opposed to just a little bit. So I feel like I'm seeing that progress and myself. But I, of course, noticed a few places where I'm like, Okay, I'm still working on that. And that was it was I'm gonna reflect more on this. But I really liked kind of coaching and getting the feedback and seeing where I want it well wanting to improve what I need to continue working on. So yeah,
I'll just try to I said, you know, keep working on being more sustained. I recognize how much more succinct you are than like our first session together. And I'm sorry, I didn't highlight that. You have you are making progress. It's getting better.
Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm not saying like, yeah, like tooting my own horn. I'm just being like, Yes, I have watched those videos. And I'm like, Huh, oh, my God. What? Why are they even paying me? Nuts? I'm not that bad. You're fine. It's not bad. But you know what I mean? Like, we're always hard on ourselves. Yeah. So
I love that. So Bree, what was your takeaway? If anybody else has one, that's fine. If you don't have one, that's also fine.
Had nothing to do with her session. I just really love the question. How will you know when we get there? I struggle like I've asked, like, what does success look like? What does progress look like? How will we measure success? And I hate all of these questions, and I'm just really excited to have one down. That's all
good. Yeah, I hate all those questions, too. That's why that one flows for me. Cool. I'm glad that that was a good takeaway. All right. Tony, do you want to client or do you want to hang?
I can be a client, I think.
Okay. And I'm sorry, we're starting a little bit late. So we will have a little less time for feedback, but we can always talk about earlier to Bri. Bri What do you need? Are you can Yeah, let's do we'll do like a speed round of feedback. All the feedback. You want what? All of it in the feedback and you and I can talk about more feedback if you want after if I don't get a chance. They will do ours? Yes. Okay. Spotlight spotlight. Video off. Mute. Start when ready.
I told you I have your mouth is okay. That sounds brutal.
But the payments are working right now. So I have a little window.
Can you hear me on that?
I'm gonna have a nap after. This will be my like energy output for the day. Yeah,
fair enough. Well, I'm honored.
I thought it had nothing to be coached on but I've thought of I do.
Oh, awesome. Well, can you share what would you like to be coached on? Well,
so sometimes for me, it's hard Well, not sometimes it always was hard for me, when I'm kind of managing with situations where I have to, like the word conflict comes into mind, but it's not even really conflict, it's having to, like, tell someone that, you know, wasn't happy with something or didn't like something, or when it's about me, like, I'm a very good advocate for others. And I'm a career social worker. So I'm really, really good at that. But not for myself, and I hired a coach for myself for the business coach. And it's sort of ended this story before, just before spring break, and I actually ended, I felt very invalidated. And actually, it was quite upsetting the very last session we had and ended up in tears and just didn't feel like safe in that space. So, and then I told her, I wanted to take a break. But maybe I come back later. And then she contacted me and said, Okay, it's been a couple of months. And, you know, I'm like, No, and I knew back then that I was just sort of putting it off, we don't, maybe I'll change my mind. So I did send the email. But I also needed her to sign a form for me, because of you, I will get around the hours she put in with me for my for my social work, supervision stuff. So I knew I did that I it was hard, but I sent the email, and I attach the form and I let her know, I didn't wasn't going to work with her anymore. And she sent me an email back and she's like, okay, you know, but is there any feedback that you could give me? And then she asked if we could just have a quick call, follow up. And I just don't want to, like, I feel just done. And I just don't really want to. Like, I'm kind of like, if it's not obvious, then. I don't know how to help you with that. And also, I know, that partly, it's me and my discomfort with that conversation. So yeah, I kind of have difficulty navigating like, what is I don't want to do it? Is it because this is like hard for me? Or is that like, okay to just not do it? Because it's hard for me? Or is this really? Also? Or is it more like, I'm like, I've already said I'm not interested? Like, you know, like, what else? Or, or anything? You know, like, I paid her a lot of money, and I wasn't really happy. Do I? Oh, we're more time. You know? Yeah. So yeah, I have a hard time I have a hard time, kind of, and of course, I'm, you know, going into coaching and then like, trying to think about it in terms of as a coach, and, you know, what would I want or hope out of that kind of situation? If I ever had that situation? You know? Anyway, so that's what it's kind of going on. Okay,
so I heard a lot. You kind of started out by saying that you don't love managing conflict, but you shifted that word to advocating for yourself. And it's funny, because you said that as soon as I was writing down advocacy. I heard that loud and clear. And then so you heard this coach, you didn't love your experience with her. You found the courage to respond to her and tell her like, hey, no, thanks. Thanks for Thanks on this form. Let's move on. And now she wants a little bit more from you. And you're conflicted. I don't know why I don't want to do this. Do I have to stop her? Yes. Yeah. So what would you like to take away from our time together today? I just need to,
I just want to know what my next step will be. She sent me back an email yesterday. And I avoided reading it and then I read it. And then I was like, Okay, I don't. Yeah. And also, maybe not the best timing was going on. Like I'm ambivalent about responding that people pleaser in me, you know, wants to or thinks I should So that's the other piece of it, but my own sort of like I need to value my own, like time and efforts. And yeah, so. So I'm just a bit conflicted I want to come out with it's just a decision. What am I going to do about this decision? Email?
Yep. What are the options? What are you deciding?
Well, so one would be I just respond to the email, thank her for the form and say that's it, too. I email and say, This is why it didn't work for me. You don't think for the email? And, you know, this is why it didn't work for me. Or three, you know, respond to the email with all of that class? Sure. Let's have a phone conversation and set up a phone conversation.
Okay, how will we know when we've gotten to a decision? Think it'll just feel right. Oh, I won't feel
conflicted over it. And I'll just have the plan that won't feel so hard to do.
A plan that feels good. Yeah, I love it. What is it about this, that's important, too, that you wanted to address it today?
Um, because it's hanging over me. It's sort of been going on now since March. When end of March was the initial was was the last session we had that was difficult for me. So it's, it's kind of been going on for a while. And now I'm like, Oh, I think I'm just done with it all. I need to just make a final break. And move. Move on. So yeah, and then so the email. So finally, I wrote that email, and then she sent one back yesterday, and then I was like, Okay, now I just need to add this. Okay. Yeah.
So am I hearing, like this last email, like you thought you were done with it? And then magically, there's more? Yes. And you're like, I want to be done. Done? Yes. Yeah.
I think I didn't expect that she would ask for a phone call with me because I thought I was clear in my email. You know, that. Thank you. But, you know, I like you know, I don't want to work together anymore. And although I probably did say in there, you know, if in the future I'll let you know, but so, yeah, I think that's my my, my, my people pleasing side sort of, you know, trying to
like no, but okay, maybe one day. Yes. Yeah.
You know, in hindsight, I know I'm realizing that obviously. She took that seriously when I didn't mean it seriously.
That's fair. So where do we start
well even just talking about has this is helpful. I guess it comes I think I need to figure out like why it feels hard. I kind of know why it feels hard, but I don't know. Actually, I'm feeling like I've Yeah, I'm not sure where to start. What information
do you need to make the decision
um I feel like I just I need permission to respond and decline the phone call from him I get well, I guess myself. I mean, it doesn't make sense from anyone else. Okay.
Yeah, that I can do that in a way that would be still kind of, you know, respectful. I live in a really small place. And this is someone who's also a coach in a, you know, next door very small community, and knows what I'm getting into and for as a coach, and so maybe part of it is like, I don't I don't want to work with her. I wanted to claim the phone call. But I also don't want to completely necessarily cut her off as someone who I know, because like, we're a small little coaching community here. So she wasn't a fit for me. But I don't have anything personally against her. She's a nice person. And so yeah, so maybe it's like, how, how can I do this in a way that's, like, just respectful? And I'm also not, like, no, making an enemy out of someone who has is like, quite a bit more senior and may also be someone who would refer me if they had, like, refer to me if they had, you know, like, you know, positive regard for, for me, or whatever. I don't know. I mean, I'm just thinking that now I'm like, oh, maybe, you know, like, there's that whole Yeah, maybe, as well. Yeah. Like? Yeah. So maybe that that's part of it is just not wanting to totally cut, or I don't want to be cut ties in a way that would have be offended, offend her. That might not be in my best interest.
Yet, so I heard you saying a few minutes ago that I don't have anything against you. We just want to get what else would you like to say to them? Well, I know
what I need differently. What I know what I need, that will be different. I think I need like that. And what became very clear was that I needed if I was to have a coach, I would need someone who would have more knowledge about neurodiversity. And what that's like, as like someone. For me, it did, the whole issue came up around challenges with like, that I was having getting on spring break, and my kids and she just like had zero insight into how it might actually be hard for me to have a support system around my nine year, nine year old twin boys who have ADHD like, why isn't that easy to just send them off to playdates every day? Or what are you like? So I just realized I was like, wow, I felt like at the time I felt very shamed mom shamed and and also, I never even there wasn't even agreement to talk about that and coating it just came up and then it just like snowballed. And so that sort of didn't feel safe to me and also I realized oh, I if I'm going to be coached in the future I really need a coach who could would be really non judgmental and understanding of the circumstances in my life and if I'm wanting to talk about that could respond in a way that's respectful and understanding and empathetic so that's what I need that's what I need or in I would need from an another coach but I don't I don't know that you need to tell her all of that.
What do you need to tell her?
Just a lot of her coaching style didn't fit with me. So I maybe I need to tell her that it a lot of the sort of questions are like exercises that she did with me, didn't resonate with me. And I was often like, I don't know I don't relate to that, or I don't get that or I stop my experience. So maybe I just need to tell her that the style of coaching didn't meet my needs.
I think that's very respectful and honest. So we're coming up on just a couple of minutes. Can I ask what can you take away from this conversation?
Well, I just need to do it. Because I feel better once it's off my plate. It's okay to say no to the phone call. I give my poor self permission to not do the phone call.
But I will send an email just again, saying, you know, thanks for working with me, either this time, you know, I think
no, no, I'll just say no have to say I know. You know, thank you for working with me. If I was to pursue coach in the future, I think I would, you know, pick a coach that had, you know, a different perspective or style or whatever word I use. To that would better read my needs?
I love that. What will you commit to?
I will commit to sending the email tomorrow. So I can make sure I'm clear headed. When I do that,
well, you send it. What's that? By when? Tomorrow? Oh,
I'll do it in the morning, or usually emails in the morning. Yeah, and then. And also, I think I need to tell her that. I didn't think that her I thought that what she charged was like, way too much for what it was. So I don't know if I'll put that in or not. But I might just say, for for me the value wasn't the cost didn't
think the word value is very
value that I was, you know, yeah, that and also specially for starting like a new business. It just wasn't. It's not. I didn't get the value out of it. You know, for one is paying for it. Yeah.
I love that. What support do you need?
I think this, this helped me like I yeah, I think just taught just being able to talk about in a safe place was what I needed to do to get it off my head out of my head and just know that I tend to ruminate on these kinds of situations and just doing it always feels way better after. Yeah, it just feels way better. So I just need to do it. And move on. Yeah, I love that. I have to focus on my own business.
I heard this question once. So I'm going to ask it now because I've never tried it in session. Does this feel complete?
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Um, yeah, I just I just needed to talk it out. So this does feels complete. And yeah, thank you appreciate your, your your time and kind of listening to me. talk this out. Thank you. Thank you.
All right. Nice work, ladies. And yon spotlight so we can all see each other
all right. So Bree, How'd that feel? Oh, there's one that looks like her now.
It felt nerve wracking. But okay. I caught myself. Another thing that you told me Tracy was assume that Yes. So I caught myself a couple times asking can you tell me this or whatever? And then interrupting, which you know, is the Nemesis so I caught myself doing that a couple of times. So I saw that but it felt okay.
All right. Can you what was your experience like? Yeah, no,
it was good. Like I realized I took up almost all the time talk thing, which is what I do. So I think some ways maybe I'm a bit hard to coach that way, because I sort of, I talk a lot. And I also usually already know the answers to my questions. But that's the process, I need to kind of, like, get there because I do honestly feel very stuck when I start. But Brianna, I just really appreciate your facial expressions, you just were like, very knowing and encouraging and, like, friendly. And just, so that actually helped me was just like, you're like, Yeah, I get it. But you didn't even have to say that you just your face said, you know, I totally got it. Like, and you can do this. And so I felt a very encouraging like, consuming so much. Thank you. Yeah, your your manner was just like just get very dislike non judgmental, and that's actually what I, you know, kind of needed from this other coach was right, like, just, you know, so I really appreciated that part of it. Like that's, for me is like such an important part of coaching is just to be to create a place that's really safe and non non judgmental. And so I really felt that. And yeah, when I did start talking long enough, your questions were, like, very succinct and pointed to kind of get me to move to the next stage. So I felt that helpful. Yeah.
I didn't feel like you talked too much. Oh, okay.
Sometimes that'd be getting art is very big.
Yeah. Still being a good coach at the moment, like with that reassurance?
Yeah. What do you hear?
A lot.
So I felt like Tonya was talking about the problem a lot. And that breeds did a really great job at bringing it back to the person instead of the problem, because this was so easy to go into the problem. And, I mean, I had a lot of feelings come up for me as I was listening to you, Tanya, because I don't know if you remember, but I told you, the very first business coach I hired a couple of years back made me feel like I had to do things in a very salesy, sleazy specific type of way. And it I'm still unlearning a lot of that even though it feels terrible when I do it. So when you were talking about all of it, I was like, Oh, if it was me, coaching you, I would have just gone I would have felt like going into a rat together, like so. And I know that all of us have experienced if not hiring a coach like that. Seeing those things online, especially in the Instagram world, which Bree you're obviously very active in. So I think I could imagine how difficult it was to rein in those emotions. And you did a really great job at it. And the asking, like, you asked a question towards the end. Like what will I didn't write it down I only wrote was reflected well, because the whole time I was just very paying attention. I happen to have a hoodie on my chair, which was so great, because it helped me feel more focused. And I was like my hood, I'm like a university student all over again, and I get focused. Um, yeah, I just I can't remember the specific question. But it was along the lines of like, how will you feel like we've completed or what is complete about today something to that effect, and I I felt like it was really good because the outcome the tangible outcome of the email wasn't like this big plan. It was really about how she's going to manage those emotions as she writes the email and I loved I loved the way you got there.
Thank you so much. Thanks, Sondra, some helpful feedback. Jenny, what did you hear?
I always like how simple brief questions are. And they just evoke so much awareness. Like what else would you like to say to her and then kind of just digging deeper into those questions and feelings? And what are the options kind of having a breakdown the different choices she had to make at the beginning and I don't know. I thought she did a great job.
Yeah, so y'all are so uncomfortable.
Sorry, it's uncomfortable. But tell me what I can do to make it more comfortable and we'll do that
if you You think of infamy criticism?
Honestly, I didn't. It wasn't like, I thought you did an excellent job you hit all the times, and they seem to flow really well. So like you already incorporated. What you heard last time, which was like, it sounded like he's been saying it forever. I thought you had a really good space throughout holding the space for Tanya. Because it is a she's a verbal processor, right? Yes. And so sometimes all they need to do is be saying it out loud. And as coaches, we can easily jump in and think we need to, like do something, right? When in fact, holding that space could be the whole service like or 90% of the service that you provide for that person. And they will somehow think that you're a genius for what you do, even though you didn't do anything. Talking about,
oh, my God, you're so smart. And I'm like, I haven't said a word in four and a half minutes.
And I will sometimes point out to them, I haven't said a word before. And this is you working it out. Right. So like, so I think that holding that space, and being patient was great, but you were still so actively listening. Like when you when you started out and asked basically the topic question. And Tanya had was thinking was thinking through it out loud. But then when you summarized it, you really see the themes and put it together. And I think it was like two sentences. And she said, yeah, that's, you know, that resonates or whatever her version was. So I thought that was skillfully done. I liked what are the options about the email? Like, I think Jenny was saying. It first I thought so. But you got back into the M. I think you could have asked that later. But I didn't. Like at first I was like, Oh, do you want to set now. But, but, but it worked this time. So like, I wasn't super bothered by it. And I like the clarity it gave about the outcome. So I think it was still in line. It was like, What are these? Basically, what are the different outcomes? It is a decision? Yeah, exactly.
I mean, that's the question, what is the decision? There you go.
I liked I liked the options. I thought that was good and gave some good clarity to it. I mean, as soon as somebody says, I feel like I need permission, I guess the question that is like, from whom? Right.
Where's that permission comes comes from your process? I've learned a lot from you.
It's very weird to have like me repeated back to me. Like, I don't remember seeing half the stuff. So I think that was not bad. All right, good. I'm glad I was doing. Well, I liked I liked the question, what do you need to tell her? That that was both evoking awareness, and also facilitating growth? And that we did both of those things like with that question, I agree with Jenny and Sondra, the short you are excellent at creating the short questions that are effective. Like I think if we break down how much you talk versus how much Tanya talk, it's going to be more than a better ratio even than 8020. And look at what she came to write. I think before I went into the closing times, what maybe you were clear, I wasn't clear on what the decision was. I wasn't clear on sort of like, we've got this awareness. What exactly are you going to do with it? Okay, can I? Yeah, go ahead.
Um, I didn't think it was important for me to know what the decision was, since our outcome was just that was their decision. Okay.
I think because we were working toward a decision, I might have asked the question, not because I need to know, but because she needs to say it. Okay, I like that. So sometimes I'm asking curious questions that I'm curious about. And sometimes I'm asking questions, especially near the end, that I want the client to solidify. Exactly, exactly. She's bringing, putting the ball on a little bit. Like the What will you commit to question? And the do you feel this is complete both of those, at least you
always do. What can you take away? And what will you commit to? And sometimes I'll do like what you said, I'll say like, okay, it sounds like you've already said this. But just to confirm, what will you commit to? Or what are you committing?
I always do both. Just to have a Yeah, like the what we commit to I haven't done that one. And I may have that enzymes. So yeah, so I'm sorry, I don't have much critique, but it was a well done session. Thank you. I felt
slightly challenged a little bit by those questions near the end. Because actually trace, I think I was without it kind of coming to me to actually saying what I was going to do, I probably won't do anything. So I didn't need to talk about like I did need to say I will when you're like oh Well, when tomorrow, like, if I didn't do that I wouldn't follow through. Probably, at some point, I would. But, you know, it'll be easy to just like stay in that room and a nation face. So I felt a little bit challenged by those questions, but in a good way, like, Okay, I have to make a decision about this. Like, I have to actually commit to it. So asking me about what I'm, you know, the committing to like, I'm just like, okay, like, with some reluctance sort of internally, because this feels hard. But, but helpful in that, Oh, okay. Well, I'm like, I have to, I'm being challenged to actually, like, just do something about this. So I did appreciate that feeling challenged that way, because it felt like that that was safe, you know, to challenge in a safe way, but also in a way that was me, making me commit to doing it. It could have just, you know, if that hadn't been sort of finished that way, I think I could have just would have been left like, Okay, well, I talked about that. Okay, thanks. Yeah. So that was important. That was important for me to have that commandment. Part. Two, do the follow through.
Yeah, I thought that was a good move into because you're verbally processing. Right. So moving from processing to action. And I think that was gracefully done.
Thank you. Yeah, I will say just hopefully, as a word of encouragement, and Ginny I think can attest to this. I used to be so freaking chunky and like, throw body with Tom's both front and back. And I just just kept falling on my face, like a junky robot for 100, a couple 100 hours now, until it finally feels like I can say listen, it doesn't sound gross anymore. So I would just say that if you still feel like it feels like robotic, and they haven't heard the same thing as many times as you said the same thing. So just keep saying it. And then eventually, it doesn't feel scary anymore.
I I've gotten like a couple of clients, I've realized we sort of like beard, I'll be like, Okay, we're going back to basics today. And I will go through. And the last time I like when I do that we get somewhere by the end of the session more reliably than when I don't. Every time. So it's really a great, great thing. The tour is out there for you. Okay, we are over a smidge, thank you for your tolerance, any questions or anything else? Okay, I'm gonna send out a form in a little bit about today and be like, you know, what else do you need? What would be helpful? If you have time to any inclination to fill it out? That's great. I will also be sending out polls for July and August, like now so we can get those nailed down and we can actually be here. That'd be awesome. And if you have any questions, know where to find me.
Thanks, Tracy. Nice to see you all
today. Nice work. It's just fun being in the space with you. So thank you.
