Do we get a second chance at love? Today we're going to talk to somebody who dealt with the death of a spouse and the feelings that she'd never find someone else. Hi, I'm Alicia Rai.
And I'm Sarah Wendell. Welcome to lovestruck daily where we deliver a true love story to your eardrums each and every week day. I'm in love with you know, I want to give a heads up in this episode we are going to be mentioning suicide. Grief is a big topic, isn't it? Alicia?
A big topic, I think I think Weren't you the one who told me about how grief is just love and a heavy coat?
Yes, someone told me that grief is just love and a heavy coat. And I fully agree with that. And one thing I have learned as I have aged and I have experienced loss is that talking about death makes people very, very uncomfortable. And no one is exactly sure how to do
it. Yeah, very much. So like it is an awkward subject for a lot of people, which is odd because we all kind of have to deal with loss at some point.
Tell me about someone that you have lost that you loved. You know, I
lost my father when I was very young, I was about 15 or 16. And then, you know, it was hard. It was hard. But I was also very young. And I do think I don't know, maybe it was just my family or something because I also had two younger siblings, so I couldn't really, I couldn't really dwell on it too much. And so it wasn't a sharp, or at least maybe I don't remember it being as sharp. And it's faded over the years. I mean, I can talk about him now. And I kind of talk about him as like a distant figure in my life. Where it's still, like painful. But I think I think the greater pain is like what I lost out on after that. Yeah, but I lost my grandmother a few years ago. And that was really difficult for me. And I don't know if I fully even recovered from that. And I think part of that is because she lived with us growing up. So she really was after my father passed away my second parent, that's a part of it, and that she would have been 100 this year. But you know, she She was a lovely woman. I'm honored to have had her for that time I had her but it was quite hard. And I think I think parental loss is something that you know, they tell you like you're going you will probably you know, your parents will not outlive you and it's still very hard when it happens.
Yeah. I have gone through a lot of different losses in my life. But recently I lost someone who was a friend who was the first person I had dinner with when we moved here. She said, Oh, you're local. We have to meet in person now. And like I'm the clenching my hand to keep from crying. I still go by restaurants where we were having like three hour brunches, and I and I think I miss you. I miss you all the time.
Yeah. And I think with grief.
What's hard is knowing that you're carrying that alone, right? Like your memories with that other person. They belong to you now so they're they're sacred and they're important. But you missed them, right? Yeah, you do. I'm gonna grab a tissue Hang on.
Today, we are so honored to invite guest Brittany Perine. Onto the show. She suffered through years of grief after losing her husband to suicide before eventually meeting the second love of her life in a widow widower support group. We received an email from Brittany with her story, and we just loved it. And we loved her and we couldn't wait to bring her on the show. So please welcome Brittany. Hi, Brittany, welcome. Hi. We're so excited to have you here today.
Thank you. I'm excited to be here
it is. So you wrote wrote into the show, which is very exciting for us because we are excited whenever anybody writes in.
exciting to me.
I know. We're like oh my gosh.
Thank you. I've been following like the website and then you're the smart bitches podcast, and then obviously had been reading Alicia's books for a while.
Oh, romance fans are the best. Yeah, really, truly the best humans.
Brittany, we're here to talk about you and your many loves of your lives. Yeah. Can you tell us a little bit about you met your first husband in college right?
We just always had a good chemistry or connection. He had gorgeous curly long red hair, which I mean I have red hair too but like his was even longer than mine was so pretty. We were together for like a few years and we got married. And after grad school,
and unfortunately, how long were you married before you before he passed away, we
were only married for a year or two. And then he passed away in November of 2011. So he passed away for suicide. So I'm gonna plug American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, because they had a lot of great resources, because it was just so hard to lose somebody. And there's a lot of things that you don't realize, like, money stuff. And, you know, not to mention the trauma and everything else at all. But they had a lot of great resources. And even now, I do this suicide prevention walk every year, and we raise money for them.
That's really great. Yeah, I've noticed whenever you know, somebody passes away, it's very uncomfortable for sometimes for people to talk about it with you. Like when you talk to them, it's it's hard, or they won't engage with you.
It is like, yes, they don't know what people don't know what to say. Yeah. And so and I was one to six.
So Young, at the
time. Yeah. So it was like, I don't know, it was like nobody else I knew had gone through that experience. I mean, some people are in their 20s, and married and stuff. But like, a lot of my friends, some of them were still dating and live in the fun single I've been I'm like going to a funeral and figuring out like, where ashes are going and how to get this mail to stop coming in his name and like stuff like that. So people don't really know what to do, or what to say. How did you find
people basically who did who did kind of help you and support you?
I was like, I had said something randomly on Facebook, I posted it was like elephant Journal had something about loss or grief. And I commented, and another person commented, she's like, You know what I lost my spouse to, and I get it. And she added me to this Facebook group called wine and dry shampoo. Because when you're grieving, you don't shower very often.
What a great name, wine. And dry shampoo is the most perfect title because you know exactly what's going on.
And a lot of the grief groups are like, Oh, it happened for a reason. And like a bunch of like Frou Frou nonsense. Like you just like shut up. You don't know what you're talking about here. And so like, these were people who like totally got it. They're like, Yeah, we're gonna cry and scream and yell and drinking. And you know, how long it's been since we showered? Or
what about I know a couple of my cousin's they lost their husbands pretty young. And immediately, almost like, within a year, people were already like haranguing them to go out and start dating, you know, sometimes before they were ready. And then once they were ready, it was like another discussion that everybody had an opinion on. How did you find? How did you find that? Because you were very young. You're 27? Yeah, do you find dating after that? And you know, when did you start feeling like you were able to do that?
With that, like, was after a while after I'd gotten over the initial shock of it kind of stabilized a little bit. I just felt like, like, life is just so short. It really stuck with me how short it really was. And I just didn't want to be like, sitting at home being sad and not living my life. And that and I knew that, like, my husband wouldn't wanted me to do that either. So I was like, I'm gonna try and be like a normal 20 something. That's what I was trying to do. And I did it. I did it.
Did you find that people reacted a certain way when you were out on these dates? And you said, like, oh, yeah, I'm a widow. Did what? Like, what were their reactions?
I didn't tell people all the time, right up front. I guess I buried it. Sometimes I would just to see whom is this going to be long term something. And so I would like put it out there. Like, I remember there was this one, one man, I went on, and he was a I remember, he was like, a doctor, like a resident, and he was working in the ER for kids. And he was handsome. And I was like, well, this guy's like, you know, could be. He seemed really nice. There wasn't a ton of chemistry, but so we were at dinner on it on like our second or third date. And I was like, you know, I'm just gonna tell them. So I like, dropped it into the conversation that about, you know, if I were I think it was like if I were ever to write a book, I would write about how I lost my first husband. And so He's, like, completely ignored and pretended that I didn't really say anything. No. And like, yeah, it was like, it was like I hadn't said that at all. And then he made a comment something like just immediately changed the topic. And I was like, okay, so we never went on another date. Okay, not not gonna work out.
Wow. But this does have a happy ending. Oh, sure. Everybody. You met your now husband. Eric, can you tell us a little bit about how you met him?
Oh, yes, he was. He was in the same group wine and dry shampoo, which he has lost his wife, his first wife early to breast cancer. It was a tough. It was it was hard for him, obviously. And so he had like, see me post things in the group. And so, you know, we kind of see each other's comments and things. But then eventually he's and I was like, complaining about dating and how terrible it is. And it's hard. It's really hard.
It's very hard. Yes, it is. Yeah.
Especially, especially in the situation. People don't get it. Like one guy when I was dating. This one was like a longer term relationship. And he felt like he was competing with my husband. Like, I don't know. Like, I tried to tell him like, you already won because you're alive. So I'm not sure.
So you posted about this and Eric commiserated with you a little
he sent me a private message. He said, You know what, I can take care of you. They were very suggestive message. Wow. You were, that's okay. But and then I cleared them. I was like, Okay. And so
but like, somehow this, this evolved into more right, like involved until longer conversations.
It was I mean, it was, um, it became more long term dating. He lived in Minnesota. And I am in Missouri. So it was like, How is this even gonna work, but we we just kept talking. And we would have, you know, the long conversations and then we would text each other all day. And then we could also talk about like, the hard days, like the anniversaries of losing our person, the wedding, there's so many dates that get all this significance, the day that we lose the person that our wedding date, the first date, so like, Eric has those dates from his first marriage tattooed on him. And he has several tattoos commemorating his first wife. So seven, one for each year that they were together. They were together for seven years. Oh,
that's beautiful. And what's really beautiful is that you understand and you're not jealous. Yes. Like this is not causes you insecurity. Yeah,
yes. When I told one of my friends, it's like, oh, I'm dating this guy. He's really great. But you know, he, and this is how I met him. And then I told them about the tattoos. They were like, I don't know. Are you sure about this guy? Brittany, they they were really questioning it. And I was like, No, I mean, like, that was, you know, he loved her. And he's always going to love her.
And so much pushes this there's only one true love narrative, which is not true. Especially when you accept and acknowledge the grief that other people carry is. Yeah, that's part of who they are. You have to accept that part too. And not just like, give it radio silence like that other person. Yeah. Yeah.
And you you got married? How long after your
first? Yeah, official day. Oh, my gosh, it we got married, like eight months after of dating. When you know, you know, he was the first one. He was like, I love you like, he moved down to be with me. So we moved to Missouri and we went to the courthouse, and we got married at the courthouse. And then in 2020 we had a baby girl named Brianna. Oh, I love that man. We had both read the right swipe. And yes get the rights to get that name from there. Yeah, he had to wait right swipe when we were like traveling by audiobook and I had read it before and recommended it to him. So then I'm like pregnant we made all these lists of names, and would rule out each other's names like I have my journal was full of all of these like top five names. We've narrowed it down to our top five. And then none of I don't know what we hadn't decided and I'm laying In bed and I'm pregnant, and I'm reading first comes like, and three and it shows up and I'm like Rihanna.
Yeah. Oh, that makes me so happy. That is really nice. I'm so happy that you know, yeah, something. Babies. Ah, well, I'm sure she's beautiful.
Is she she got my red hair. And so she's like my little mini me, and she's gonna be a little Hollaender raise.
When you when you think about your daughter growing up, what advice would you give her when she's in her late teens early 20s.
So one of my something that one of my friends in in our group wine and dry shampoo told me is Chase happiness because I was so hesitant about dating someone that I'd never met in real life. And, you know, what, like, I was just nervous about taking that leap, because it was a leap of faith, for sure. And so maybe I would tell her that but also caveat be safe, please. Yeah, be safe, Chase happiness. Be safe, please.
maybe be a little cautious. But yeah, but Be brave.
Be smart. Also go chase happiness, because life is short. And we all deserve happiness. You know, whatever that means. And maybe it's one love story for one person. Maybe it's multiple, and it's all gonna look different for different people.
Yeah. Yeah, very much agree with that. This has been so interesting. And and I just wish you all the best, like, thank you so much for emailing us and coming on and talking to us.
Where can people find you? Are there any other resources you want to share?
You know, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention? We do they have walks all over the country at when they if you're like on a college campus, they have the out of the darkness block? Yes, they do. And they're just a great organization. And their goal is to like Euro suicide and just eliminate suicide, which is a great goal. Wonderful.
Thank you so much. And thank you for thank you for writing in to tell us, I can't tell you how honored I am that you would listen to the show and then be like, I want to talk to you guys. That is the biggest gift. Thank you. That is such a gift.
Yes, thank you for having me.
If you are struggling with feelings of suicide or suicidal ideation, please reach out. There's so much help for you not only as the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, there's also the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline you can call one 800 273 talk that's 1-800-273-8255. And you can always text hello to 741741 which is the Crisis Text Line, but you are not alone. And there is help for you.
Sarah, that was such a beautiful story. And I am so honored personally that I could play a tiny tiny part in it in their love story and
a baby. Was that a thing you ever expect to happen as an author?
No. No, never ever ever and it's just such a it's always nice. You know, we do such solitary work sometimes that we forget that people read our words after they go out in the world. I was done. But the woman was to stump speak it was it was quite crazy. It's quite wild. Sarah, what is your love to go from this episode? Because I feel like I have so many but what's yours for people to take away from them?
I was really struck by Brittany saying pursue happiness. I think that's such a valuable, valuable thing, especially because we received so many messages about what should want what we should do and what you should be thinking or doing at a time in your life. And everyone's happiness is their own compass. So pursue happiness.
Yeah, I love that. That's lovely. Brittany reached out to us via email with her story and we'd love to feature yours as well. Please send an email to lovestruck daily at Frolik dot media if you have a love story to share any questions or thoughts. And please follow us on Instagram and Twitter at lovestruck daily, leave a review subscribe and like our show just to spread the word we would love to bring more happiness to more listeners.
Our researcher is Jesse Epstein. Our editor is Jen Jacobs. We are produced by Abigail steckler and little Scorpion studios and Gillian Davis with executive producer frolic media. This is an iHeart Radio Podcast
we wish you a very happily ever after. Whether it's your first happy ending or your second or your third I'm in love with the sad it's good to see you soon. I'm in love with you I'm in love with you
