I'm Alicia Rai and welcome to lovestruck daily, where we bring a love story to your eardrums every single day.
Today, we are going to be talking about intimacy, extreme intimacy and the idea of being dominant over someone in your life, either your partner or someone that you connect with for that very purpose. I'm in love with you. There are a lot of misconceptions about BDSM in the world. And I'm really excited to talk to today's guest, because we're going to talk about the reality of being a dominatrix. And also, her thoughts on being an alpha woman, which is not a term I had thought about much. What about you?
Oh, I think about all the time. Well, I mean, I think about the word alpha a lot, because I think that when it is sort of shorthand in the romance community, I think for a specific type of hero, always a hero. Oh, always alpha to beta hero, Alpha Man. Yeah. Omega hero. Yeah. And I always wonder what that meant. Because to me in alpha is somebody who takes care of his pack, like very protective, very kind, very caring. And that's not always what alpha means. Not in
romance literature. No,
I think alpha male means like somebody who's just like, rough and tumble takes charge, like, no holds barred. I think about the time I wrote a book is called The gentleman in the street, and I'm not trying to plug it or anything.
I mean, you should but okay.
Yeah, I'm trying to plug it What am I saying? I'm an alpha female. It was a book where the heroine is richer, and I would say more sure of herself and more powerful and a lot of ways than the man. But when I wrote it, I wrote a bit conceptualizing two alphas meeting at once. Because to me, he was very much like he had siblings he raised from childhood, he was taking care of his business. He was, you know, not not being wishy washy. But whenever I see people describe the book, I was, I was interested to see that a lot of people describe him as a beta hero. And I said, What makes him a beta? And somebody said, Well, you know, he's an author said, oh, oh, and an interesting thing. So it's
unprofessional. Yeah, I have always struggled with a lot of alpha male portrayals and romance fiction, because to me, they read as deep deep insecurity, toxic masculinity, and this deep need to prove authority when it isn't there. But at the same time, I am the type of personality who will take charge of a conversation or a room when when things are disorganized, and things aren't very progressing. And I'm ready to go home, which is usually about five minutes after I joined the group. I will take charge and organize things. I'd like to think that I'm not an asshole about it. I'm sure someone listening is like, no, but get in a room with you, and you're an asshole. And that's fine. And I'd like to think that I do listen to what it needs to happen. But I'm a very goal oriented, progress oriented person, when there's a bunch of people trying to do things, I think you can be an alpha without being an asshole. But I don't think that not everyone comprehends that boundary. It means
like a range of things, I think to a lot of people. So it's very interesting. And I, I'm always interested when someone says, Oh, I'm an alpha, because I'm like, Okay, well, what does that mean to you? Exactly? Because that word by itself means everything and nothing, many things.
And all Did you know that all of the research about alpha wolf and a wolf pack has been proven to be wrong. I mean, I believe that, but I am very curious to talk to our guests today about domination and being a dominatrix, and building a business as a self proclaimed alpha woman. We are so excited today to talk to Mr. smena and La based dominatrix. Welcome, Mina.
Hi, Mina, how are you doing today?
I'm good. How are you guys?
Pretty good. Thank you so much for coming on the show. We're so excited to get to talk to you. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Like how did you get into this career? Just whatever you want us to know about yourself?
Okay, well, basically, I always was intrigued about being a dominatrix since I was in high school, maybe a little younger than that. Me, myself and all of my friends. A lot of my friends are sex workers. So we all have the same common nowadays of like how what we were like growing up and we were just, you know, just bossy, more Alpha females. I am alpha female. And when I first started, I basically I was like, kind of, I was I was drunk with my roommate one night, and we were I was just on the computer and I just looked up dungeons. And there was a dungeon, like two miles away from me. Like coincidentally
that's Very convenient,
beyond convenient and was like, Well, this is cool. So I contacted the headmistress. And I asked her what the training was like, and she was very open, like, oh, just come in, like, come in, we'll train you. And you're going to be one of our house storms. And it just took off from there. She named me has like ring to it. And I just took off from there. I've been a pro DOM since I think like 2012 2013,
you mentioned that you're an alpha female. Do you? What does that mean to you? Exactly, because we talk a lot on here about what sort of alpha male means and you know, kind of dissecting it. So what does it actually mean to you in terms of characteristics or lifestyle?
This is interesting, because some of the things I think about firsthand is when you think about like alpha male, you think of like male misogyny, and like masculinity macho, I wouldn't say I'm always like, Oh, I'm so bossy, you got to do this and that or whatever. But I feel like I have, I am more opinionated. I will speak my mind. All the time. I don't usually bite my tongue. I mean, you can pick and choose what you want to say, I don't like fly off the cuff and just act like you know, this opinionated pro DOM that has this big ego. It is a very ego centric, ego based career, I want to say but I feel like a lot of women, a sex workers, we're all really just trying to make a good living. We're all trying to be like to have the financial freedom to do whatever we want. So that's kind of like my alpha female to me is just like i i Always stick up for myself. I don't like to be treated like anything other than the opinionated, well spoken woman that I am.
What kinds of things what is sort of the thing that most people who come to you are looking for?
Oh, it really varies. Um, there's everything you can do. It ranges are central domination, there's Corporal there, CVT, there's foot fetish. There's tickle torture, there's just bondage. There's latex, there's scent play, like I could go on forever. So it really depends on what the client wants. I need to know his interest in what he would like to emphasize in the session. A lot of people do feet, feet is big thing. I'm tiny. So I do trampling sessions where I'm walking on the man Hmm. Spanking, you know, there's a lot of things. It just depends on the client. How do
you learn how to do this safely? And consensually? Because, I mean, if somebody said, Alright, I would like you to whip me I would not know how to do that without watching like nine or 10 YouTube videos, I wouldn't be sure of my ability to do this safely. These are really unique and powerful skills, and I don't know how you learn them.
Oh, absolutely not. I'm happy to answer that. That's a great question. Okay, so my dungeon I work at now as an independent dungeon, but when so I worked at a hybrid it was like a commercial dungeon, which was you rented the space but you also had to do like play parties. Like once a week and the headmistress with a few of her senior dorms would train you. So I would have to learn how to whip somebody I couldn't whip the spine. Like you had to go on more of the fattier parts. So you had to like kind of look like Target practice right now. The dungeon I work at there's two headmistresses. So when a girl wants to learn they go to a dungeon and Headmistress and her senior Dom's have to train them. So she sets up a session, and then the girl that's training comes in, and then you just learn CBT you learn how to spank, you learn how to whip you shut, because you can really hurt somebody. A lot of people,
they would hear that and you know, a lot of people I think the idea of BDSM is that it's purely physical pleasure, do you find that there is a level of like, emotional connection that goes on for your clients?
Absolutely. Oh, that's
interesting.
I have one cell about the relationship and the connection and the trust, they want to be in a subspace a submissive state of mind, almost like a hypnosis state, where they feel like they're just connecting to you in the art of BDSM. And then they kind of like float away with that. Actually, the shit I just had a client a couple of days ago, and he's been my regular for years. And he told me he went to a play party, one of the dorms who like answered her in the wrong way. But she just smacked him in the face and he said you did not he freaked out. He's like, You do not have my permission to do that. So yeah, it has to be all consensual you have to know what they're like. I would never ever ever do that to a client like you really have to gauge them. And you can't just be some you know, I'm this professional dominatrix I could talk to you. I speak to treat you however way I want. You know, because you want the client to come back and you want to build a trusting relationship. So they keep coming back to you. And just to you,
that makes total sense. Yeah. If you do have like a, however, you know, you conduct your love life has has doing this job like, has it affected that or do you like what what do you think you've taken away from that? In terms of your own life?
I have dated guys that are more like, you know, don't ask, don't tell, maybe they just don't want to know. And that's fine. I rather have it that way. Because I'm not going to get home from work and be like, Oh my God, oh, this guy like I just Yeah, I don't. The guy would be like, Okay, I just want to watch TV with you. I ordered dinner, you know, but um, as long as they're okay with dating a sex worker, and they're open minded and they don't judge me for that. I'm, I'm all game for that. I'm some I have dated, where they're just like, I don't want you having personal relationships. Well, that's like a facet of my income. So also, I don't want to be in hypothetical arguments. Right? It's usually that's a red flag to me. Um, right. So if they, for lack of better words, I just want my partner to stay in his lane. And just respect that I am a independent, strong woman that is thriving and doing well in Los Angeles, which is really hard to survive out here real hard. Yeah, if I'm with a partner, that's okay. With everything. Like there's that's all I can really ask for. I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not emotionally or physically cheating on the man, I'm working. So they respect my craft.
Like when you go to your personal relationships, do you find that you place more emphasis maybe on communication or respect or any values like that? Like, is there are there things that you've drawn out of working this job that that you take into your personal life,
so much of what you do is about intimacy, right,
right, I am going to brag but like I am an amazing communicator, like I always I always need to communicate with my partner, you know, like, because communication is key communication is key in my industry, like with my clients with my submissives I have to have that with my partner, you know, and they have to understand, like, I have to understand what how their feelings and what validating them they have to understand the other way around. So it's pretty, pretty healthy. In that standpoint. I've never really had a toxic relationship or it wasn't good communication or anything like that. And then the intimacy, I'm very reserved a lot of my friends like in in a sexual standpoint, they think I'm very conservative, because I just don't really talk. Like if I'm hanging out with my friends or at a bar or anything or I'm at a party and I meet people I don't usually I can tell them I'm a DOM but I don't say like off the cuff like oh, yes, I'm a professional dominatrix I don't really talk about it, but I am more reserved and conservative in that standpoint of being sexually intimate with my partner.
What What would you like people to know about either your industry or what you do? Just clear up any misconceptions? Like what what what is the takeaway sort of it? You would like people to be left with?
First off not to take away from being an escort but we are not escorts? So that's a big misunderstand game. So like, I've had clients show up to the studio, they pay the deposit a show up to the studio, you know, like, Oh, I thought you would give me a massage. You know, and then most dominatrix aren't escorts and that's why they're Dom's. They don't you know, we don't have sex for money. We don't do anything that in zoo job for money. So that is a miscommunication. I'm not embarrassed about what I do at all. I just don't think like, I don't feel like an accountant tells all these people that they're an accountant. You know, like, I just, if my mom, it knows what I do, and she's proud of me. I really don't care what anybody else thinks.
Where Where can people find you online? If they're looking for you?
My website is www.gov. Mr. smena.com. You can also find me on my twitter handles at Mr. smena LA,
thank you so much for coming on and talking to us. We really appreciate it.
Thank you for having me and asking me about my craft. I really appreciate that.
Sara, which is your love to go for today? What would you like our listeners to take with them?
I think for today's love to go is the idea that you chart your own course whether you're building your own business or setting up a truly unique business for yourself that really fulfills you or just deciding where you want to go in life. You are in charge you take charge of your life and chart your own course. However you want to be. That's a good decision for you. What do you You think are you in alpha in your life? What did you think about this discussion? I would be really curious to hear your thoughts you can email us at lovestruck daily at frolic dot media if you have a story to share or any questions or thoughts so you can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at lovestruck daily we would love to hear from you. You can leave a review, subscribe and spread the word because everyone deserves a little love and joy in their day. Our researcher is Jesse Epstein. Our editor is Jen Jacobs. We are produced by Abigail steckler and little Scorpion studios and Gillian Davis with executive producer frolic media. This is an iHeart Radio Podcast. And as always, we wish you a very happily ever after. With you I'm in love with you
