2023-01-13-Gil-Dharma of Challenges (5 of 5) Available to be Transformed

7:27PM Jan 13, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

transformed

dharma

changed

challenges

talk

availability

confidence

dialogue

transformation

dharma practice

insisting

learn

protecting

important

attitude

feel

beneficial

practice

shutting

life

So hello, everyone, and welcome to our fifth talk on the dharma of challenges. And this talk and last week talk and, and if I think about it, maybe they'll last four weeks of topics, have a kind of background for, or laying the foundation for what's going to come, which is talking about the challenges that we have and how we can address it with the dharma with practice with mindfulness. And, and hopefully, things we've done in December, there was a lot of talk about that positive states of practice, that those acts are actually part of this foundation of now looking at challenges more. And, and following last week, what is the dharma on last Friday, I talked about the dharma being dharma as transformation. That dharma and there's not just, it's not just a set of teachings. It's not just a practice. But it's also the transformation that the beneficial change that comes about through the practice, and through finding in the practice the healthy, appropriate attitude with which to meet life to be with life. So in the about three weeks ago, or so, I gave a talk on these five beneficial states for listening to the dharma hearing it be people, when people were in the States, the Buddha would recognize it, and he would teach them the dharma that was transformative, that would change them. And this is to have a mind that's bright, inspired, to have a mind that is receptive or ready to have to be free of hindrances to be malleable, pliable, workable, to have a malleable, soft mind. And, and to the city of being soft and receptive and available to be changed is such an important attitude for a life. And it's easy to have a simplistic and obvious and sometimes important attitude that No, I can't do that. I have to protect myself, I have to defend myself, I have to take care of myself, I can't just be available, I'll be I'll be taking advantage of. And to some degree, that's true. And we have to be do this wisely. But as though our wisdom and confidence grows about how to be in the world, that without harming ourselves through our clinging through our anger through our ill will hostility through our greed, envy, all kinds of things that we do. That we learn how to be in the midst of challenges, while being available, to for change, and to be changed. So one of the really, I think, clear for me, representations of this is the idea of dialogue with others how to be in dialogue, how to be in a productive, not just discussion about something, but dialogue, for me means you're addressing some themes, some ideas of concern, exploring something, whether it's exploring a conflict you have or exploring some dharma idea that in a dialogue, that is not if we're only about convincing other people that we're right, then we're not available to be changed. And you still might be right. And maybe you'll stay right. But that doesn't mean you can't be available, to be transformed, to be changed by the other person to hear new ideas, to hear them in a different way to understand to expand your horizons. So you understand, well, I am right, but this person also has something they're adding something. They're not taking it away. It's not either or, I'm available to be changed available to learn something new. And without a dialogue. Without that good availability. I don't think it's really dialogue. It might be just a spouting opinions. And it might be mostly trying to it's mostly a debate, but to be available to be in dialogue with attitude, how can I how can I learn something here and is there something more I can learn or you know, what can I do so, so this availability to be changed? be transformed in a beneficial way. And it was relevant for me just before we started this meditation, that the technology wasn't working here, when I sat down. And so I had to call for help from someone and we're trying to figure it out. And, and normally, in the minutes before we're sitting, that works, I start here, I'm getting ready and a little bit getting my thoughts in, organized and what we're going to talk about. But today, I really couldn't do it much because of dealing with technology and getting things set up properly. And, and but I was kind of happy. Because I said, Oh, this is a challenge and not being able to do it, how I usually want to do it. But but let's see what happens here. Now, let's see what arises, this is happening. And I'm available. For what comes next, I'm available to see how this unfolds, or what arises out of this. And, and so rather than being kind of concerned about, you know, are too stressed around, you know, maybe we're not going to get the sound system working in time for the 7am. And all these people will be sitting there and you know, waiting, and I have, you know, we're supposed to start on time. Certainly wanted to try to be on time and be available, be here. But it was, I also had this kind of curiosity or this availability, okay, this is how it is now. And I don't need to stress I don't need to get, you know, any have any kind of fear. Let's just see. So this sense of availability, made the whole thing, you know, easier than it could have been much more pleasant than it could have been, it was nice, it was a an hour. And it was wonderful to receive my friends support, and to feel generosity of helping making it out this problem solve. So the, to be available to be transformed. It's essential for doing dharma practice. And, and so, because it's so important, we want to understand what gets in the way of being transformed what, why we're kind of stuck, why we're protected, why we're resisting or shut down or closed up, or why we're insisting that we're right or insisting has to be my way. And, you know, what, the, what's going on for us. And so the reference point this the standard, that I want to be available to be transformed to be changed by the situation to be freed by it. I can't do that. I'm not doing that. That's interesting. And so keep that in mind your Am I available to be changed? Am I available to be transformed by this? Am I available, be freed by it? And then we start discovering maybe we don't have a lot of confidence, maybe we don't have a lot of sense of safety, we don't have a word of you know, we're afraid we're assertive, we want something. And, and then to not just take that for granted not to accept it as a given. But to put question mark next to it, do I really need this to be this way? Is there another way? Is there another way of being safe? Is there another way of caring for this situation? Is there another way of of protecting myself? That's not shutting down? Is there a way of you know, what can I what do I have to let go of to be available? This is such an important question. Because so many times, what we have to do is to let go of something we're attached to let go of some excessive and underlying excessive self preoccupation. In such a way that we let go of it. It feels like a relief. In the moment in and of itself. Something that was closed or tight or stressed, softens, lets go. We might feel more vulnerable because of that. And so then we have to figure out how to be with our vulnerability. Maybe we have to have effective ways of protecting ourselves or have to do some cautious things, maybe not be in certain situations or not talk about certain things.

But we're not closing down. We're not shutting down or resisting. We're just taking care of ourselves while we're available in an open, caring way for ourselves. So it dharma as transformation, it is here to transform us in a beneficial way. It is here to free us from the stresses, the distresses, the fears, the the way that we often live under there is this is a path of liberation. And liberation is a transformation. And if you want to follow this path, to develop the confidence, and the love for being available to be transformed, and to hear dharma teachings, and read books on dharma and not read it to for to reinforce our own opinions, but maybe it's nice, it's it, you know, supports how we understand things, but not to, like log log on to that actually be willing to be challenged by what we read and what we hear, question it, the more or less we agree with it, the more valuable it is, for us to engage in a deeper reflection, and what's happening here, what's going on. And rather than quickly, coming to a judgement, but this is right, this is wrong. So in dharma life, to have the confidence to always be looking always be seeing, where's the opening, where's the possibility, where's the doorway here, to be freer, where's it to be available to be transformed, to let go of something to bring forth available to bring forth some of the beauty of beauty that's in our hearts available to let our friendliness or kindness or love to be present, and how to be available for challenges, not only so that we be changed by them, but also can we can be changed by what's best, the best qualities of our own hearts, to be available here, to see what goodness can come out in the context of our confidence, or kind of a strength. And without allowing the good in us to come forth, then, maybe challenges can't transform us in other ways. So a dharma of challenges. And the willingness to be changed the willingness to be transformed. And this is part of the art of dharma practice, because the dharma is partly what it is partly is a transformation process, a liberating, liberating process, all on its own time, trusting the process. So thank you for this. And you might see in the course of this next time until Monday, this notion of being available to be changed, both by the external world, but also by your internal world. What comes forth? To how often are you available? And how often are you going about your day, in a way that actually you're not going to? You're not You're not really available? You're like just insisting on everything being this way, or busy in such a way that it's only one way to do it? What is what would it be like to go through your day noticing when you're available to be changed? And when you're not? And what have you learned through that? So thank you very, very much. And I appreciate this chance to explore this with you. And I hope that I haven't anything I've said hasn't disrespected how difficult some of your challenges are, that make it seem like it's too easy or simple to do to be with them. But maybe as we learn to work with smaller challenges that have a life, we're preparing ourselves to be available and and and know how to address the large ones. So thank you, and I look forward to continuing Monday. Thank you