Episode 48: Elohai N'tzor: End of the Amidah Journey
1:26AM Aug 17, 2023
Speakers:
Eliana Light
Joshua Warshawsky
Josh Warshawsky
Ellen Dreskin
Coleen Dieker
Keywords:
prayer
words
blessing
rabbi
beautiful
heart
feel
josh
rav
people
kedusha
world
melodies
find
year
share
day
tongue
ee
adonai
Shalom, everyone. Welcome to the Light Lab Podcast where we play with prayer and hold the gems of our Jewish liturgy up to the light. My name is Eliana, and I'm here with my good friends, Cantor Ellen Dreskin.
Hello! Nice to be here.
And Rabbi Josh Warshawsky.
So lovely to be here.
So lovely to be here, just the three of us for this very auspicious recording. We'll get to that in a second. But first, today's question, which is where do you see endings or beginnings in your life right now? Where do you see endings and or beginnings? Ellen, let's start with you.
Wow, okay. There's a part of me that says I see endings and beginnings all over my life. But as I'm recording this, it's springtime, it's coming to the end of another school year. And since part of my life has always been involved in the education world, I'm always aware of that season, the ending of the school year and the beginning of summer. And, and there's a pause. There's a pause that summer has always been in my life for reflection, et cetera. And then it's like, as Elul approaches, then we, it's like the on ramp back to the freeway a little bit. So each time it's like marking one's height on a door post, that I'm returning to the same thing. But I'm noticing how I'm different than these pausing times.
Beautiful. Love these pausing times. Josh, what about you? Endings and or beginnings.
I'm, you know, I'm feeling the same way. I also sort of feel tied to the academic calendar. Every year, I, you know, I plan my life. Also, the academic calendar matches up very nicely with the Jewish calendar, right, we're all we're sort of set in our agricultural system, that same way. So you know, my touring schedule always sort of aligns with the year and I start planning from Rosh Hashanah, basically to June, and then I do the next year. So we're gearing towards the end of that. And also, I'm just coming up to the end on my time as the rabbi at the day school, at Solomon Schechter in Chicago, which has been a really wonderful three years, and an experiment in what it could look like to be present and also physically distant, but at the same time coming in and getting to spend some time with the students. And it's been really wonderful. And at the same time, I'm very excited for the next chapter for me, and the next chapter for the school where they're going to have a rabbi present in the building all the time, I think that's gonna be really special for the students. I'm feeling positive about the ending, and also really excited about the new beginnings for them and for me.
Beautiful, beautiful, the work that you've done with that school has been really incredible. And I know, I've learned from it from what you've learned and have shared with us. So I'm really grateful for that as well. Maybe I asked this question because as I told the folks in the room when we're recording this, tomorrow is my birthday. And that is a particular time to think about beginnings and endings. I find that as I grow, every subsequent year, things become a lot more clear. I'm able to be more clear about what I desire, whether that's for work, but also what do I desire in community, in my relationships with other human beings and how I want to live my life, giving myself more permission to seek rest and to seek support. And giving myself a little more a little more facet, a little more loving kindness and working on my gevurah, my kind of bound, boundary-ness, with others and with the world. and I just think it keeps getting better. My thirty's have been great so far. And I think it's just it's just going up. Right, this is 33 and I, Josh does wonderful birthday gematria. So I already know what it is but for the benefit of our listeners, let's, let's, let's put a notch on the bingo board. What's our birthday gematria for 33?
I was gonna jump in and say can I share with you some particular matter that I know I've already shared and was gonna share with you again tomorrow anyway, but it actually is really auspicious for this week, because we celebrated last year this week as we're recording,
Nice!
And that was this past Tuesday the 33rd day of the Omer the counting between Passover and Shavuot, but 33, in addition to being Lag, Lamed Gimel, is Gal, it's the wave. And it goes really along with the blessing of what you were already sharing. It's basically if we can get to the crest of the wave, and see clearly at the top where we've come from and where we want to go, then we can hopefully ride the momentum of that wave into our desires for the next year and beyond. So that's the blessing of 33 is seeing where you've been and looking forward to what's ahead. And finding a way to navigate yourself like you're surfing that wave, surfing the gal of 33 into the future.
A hearty hallelujah, and Happy Birthday Eliana!
Thank you so much friends! Uh, and thank you for that blessing Josh, I, I cherish it. It's good that you're blessed. that you're that we were born in the same year and your birthday is before mine. So you're able to do like a gematira map and a habit at the ready.
Time to marinate in it.
Yes, fabulous, fabulous. Well, friends, I did say it was an auspicious occasion. And it's not because of my birthday. It's because we have come to the end. Or perhaps just!the beginning question mark? Of our Amidah journey! That has taken us -
Buh buh buh!
Buh buh! Taken us lo these many months. And what a journey it has been. Let's do a recap, shall we? We started by taking three steps back and three steps forward. What does the blessing formula do? Baruch atah yud hey vav hey, what's that? We found support from our spiritual ancestors. We explored the powers of the Holy One and us question mark? We explored holiness and then into our petitionary blessings for knowledge and repentance and forgiveness and redemption and healing and the space time continuum and in gathering and justice and boo heretics, and yay righteous people and a rebuilt Jerusalem and the coming of the time of our redemption, and hearing our prayers and accepting our prayers moving into the gratitude section, the priestly blessing, morning and evening peace blessings. And now we have come to the last element of at least the weekday Amidah because there's plenty more Amidah where that came from. But we end with a beautiful closing meditation, commonly called the Elohai Netzor, and we'll explore after we hear it, where this comes from, and what the end of our Amidah might be all about. So Josh, I was wondering if you could read for us an Elohai Netzor from a Siddur of your choosing?
Yes, here we go. I'm reading from the Conservative Movement's Lev Shalem Siddur. Here's the prayer at the end of the Amidah. Elohai netzor leshoni meira u’sfatai midaber mirma vlimkaleli nafshi tidom v’nafshi keafar lekol tihiyeh petach libi betoratecha uvemitzvotecha tirdof nafshi vechol hachoshvim alai ra’ah mehera hafer atzatam vekalkel machashavtam aseh lema’an shemecha aseh lema’an yeminecha aseh lema’an kodshecha aseh lema’an toratecha lema’an yechaltzun yedecha hoshia yeminecha va’aneni. Yih'yu l'ratzon imrei fi vehegyon libi lefanecha Adonai tzuri ve’goali. Oseh shalom bimromav hoo ya’aseh shalom aleinu v’al kol yisrael v’al kol yoshvei teivel v’imru amen. A blessing. Many blessings. Thanks. Okay, here we go.
Many blessings. Well, I'm wondering, Josh, actually, if we can try maybe before we jump into the English, have we noticed anything about the Hebrew? Just hearing it and listening to it being said, because I know. I think it's innate rhythmic nature popped out at me, perhaps in the way that you read it, but I think that's part of it as well. So many places where it rhymed, particularly in that first line, the repetitions of particular sounds that really that really struck me. How about how about y'all? What do you think
I noticed a lot of the are the opening. And even from the first word, the Elohai, they're still even as we're coming to the close of the Amidah, I feel like there's this is a heart outpouring, even in the way the vowels that are used because you draw my attention to that Eliana.
Well, I was thinking, well, you drew my attention to the fact that I usually pay attention to that. To come back to that, because the word Elohai, that vow phrase is both the ah and the ee, and I'm thinking about the work of Victoria Hana and this class I took a while ago where we focused on kind of feeling into the intentionality of the vowels and that ah, is everything. Ah is like the silent aleph given voice. Ah, even if you do it with your mouth, it's open on all sides. It's kind of this all expansive, encompassing. But then it goes into an ee, and ee is internal, and ee is a concentrated point, and ee has something to do with internality maybe even something that a secret and hidden. So calling out to God I think is Elohai, Elohai is kind of taking that all that isness and concentrating it into a point and making it personal, which can be a really beautiful idea as we're moving into a more personal part of the Amidah.
I love that. I love that a lot. And now that you're saying that, and I'm looking at the words, I'm realizing that were the mean, thinking about the Hebrew and the English, there's a lot of body parts that are mentioned, right, Lashon and Sfatayim and Nefesh, Lev, which we'll get to in the translation. But the word Elohai is a word that you have to say with your tongue, right? You can't, it's not like Amen, we're not really using my tongue. It's a word where I'm really, I have to feel it in my mouth. And you sort of the, when you're opening yourself up, and then bringing it back in, you sort of feel, I don't know, I felt the physicality of that, as you were, as you were saying it.
Oh, gosh. And if we want to go into the whole thing, okay, so eh is horizontal, it's kind of out in the space where we are, El, lamed, kind of in its shape, reaching up and down. And also the oh vowel is also, its vertical. So we get the horizontal plane, eh, and then lo, we get vertical, so we're already on different planes of connection, and then ah, everything, and then ee, concentrating it all into this small point. We could do a whole episode just on this one.
Yeah, we should do a God names episode anyway, because now I'm thinking about the ways in which different names, like Elohai vs Havayah, we don't have the lamed in that name, or its presence. But now I'm, Oh, wow. Okay, put that on the list.
Right. It's just, ah, it's just is and bigness. Oh, yeah.
And we're going to add to that episode, why do we use, when do we use Havayah? Yeah, and when do we use Elohim? Or Elohai? And what? What's just the difference in those two? I have a different this kind of goes through the language, but I also because this is something that is quite often done privately, or our own personal prayers are substituted for this. I don't know they're all of us look at it carefully. And I'm about the rhythm the Lema'ans. And I have this question of aseh lema'an, aseh lema'an, and even that, leh, leh is is with the L, them is with the lips and the ah is guttural back in the throat. So we really are getting down to the details here. But I do have there's, there's a great rhythm there. And it's different than I think a lot of the prayers we've seen, I've can't wait to I'd love to hear y'alls viewpoint on that in a moment or two.
Yeah, let's dive in into the translations.
Okay, here's what I have in the Lev Shalem Siddur. My God, keep my tongue from evil, my lips from deceit. Help me ignore those who would slander me. Let me be humble before all. Open my heart to Your Torah, that they may, that I may pursue your mitzvot, frustrate the designs of those who plot evil against me, nullify their schemes. Act for the sake of Your name, act for the sake of Your triumph, act for the sake of Your Holiness, act for the sake of Your Torah, answer my prayer for the deliverance of Your people. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, Adonai, my Rock and my Redeemer. May the One who creates peace on high bring peace to us and to all Israel and to all who dwell on earth. And we say, Amen. What do we notice? What do we see? What are we experiencing now with the translation? Are there any different translations where we have in front of us? What have we got?
I can't help but notice that we're closing after all the the Eloheinus, that now we've gone to Elohai. And that it's a parallel as the way we started the Amidah with the kavanah with the intentional statement of Adonai s'fatai tiftach, ufi yagid, it's first person singular. And now after our Amidah, we are back to first person singular. Again. The only other thing that I would mention is that first we're asking God to open our lips at the beginning of the Amidah. And now we're kind of asking God to help us put a leash on it a little bit. As we come out step out of the Amidah.
I also noticed, I was thinking a lot about the translation, which as I was reading, it felt both harsh and strong in some different places. Like limkalelai nafshi tidom was translated here as helped me ignore those who would slander me. And that word I recognized from my Bar Mitzvah Torah portion, Parshat Shmini, were Aharon's two sons Nadav and Avihu, have like an alien fire and then they get taken up by God and killed in some way. But when Aaron hears about this, it says Vayidom Aharon. And Aaron was silent. So I looked into it and this is the Koren Sacks translation here. And he says, to those who curse me, let my soul be silent, maybe my soul be like dust to all. And I think I like the there's something interesting about letting my soul be silent as opposed to ignoring it's, it's taking it in and hearing what might be sad but but finding a way to either be at peace with it or figure out how to reorient and redirect it. Because you can't ignore the things that are going on around you, it's very difficult. But to be able to be accepting it and calm with it and find a way to reorient yourself towards orienting your heart towards Torah and let your soul pursue the mitzvot, there's, there's something about that redirection that I feel is nicer than just ignoring it.
So it's a little more nuanced than, you know, pay the haters no mind, just just a little more nuanced. I was noticing the really beautiful, maybe continuum from the personal to the communal, in this particular prayer and, and also how it starts, as you brought up Josh with, there's a focus in the whole piece on body parts, particularly the mouth and the tongue. But it doesn't start with talking about how we use our words for prayer, but how we use our words with and for and against each other. Kind of bringing it down to this really human level, that the same mouth that I used to say the Amidah, is the same mouth in the same power of speech and communication that I can use to build someone up, to help others. But that can also cause a lot of harm, and a lot of damage and destruction, and hoping for the words of others, and the words of myself to add to the holiness of the world and the blessing of the world, I think is very powerful. And then at the end, we say May the things that I have said, be acceptable to You. But I think after an Amidah, where at least in the petitionary blessings, we're taking a very wide lens, on community and on the span of history, and on time, we're bringing it to the personal. I have the ability to create and use my words and I would love help making sure that they are being used in a positive way.
The fact that I can in one sentence say I want to hold my tongue and like Josh said that you just mentioned in the next few minutes, I want to open my heart are, is such a like as I am not going to ignore it, but I can choose to respond differently to it. I think it's really interesting in the Hebrew, and I don't know in in my translation that I have the Miskan T'fillah, the two words are translated differently, but in the first phrase, v'limkalelai nafshi tidom, in the face of those who this my translation says, who slander me, I will hold my tongue but later on, we asked God, meheira hafer atzatam v'kalkel machashevotam, again that same from the kalelai or kel that confounding or, I'm curious about that. Is it the same word? Are we asking for the same thing that their thoughts get confused? Not their language. Not that they not be able to speak, but that can their hearts be open? I'm not sure what's being asked for there, really.
I like that that connection right there. And it makes me I mean, Kalkel is also, I think, like to spoil. And I like the idea of like those who are trying to spoil me, their thoughts are sort of being mixed up and confused. And at the same time, that makes me think that maybe there's a way to sort of turn those thoughts and redirect them like you're saying to be able to how can we reorient, and maybe there's a way that if that if we accept some of this and try and hold ourselves with this humility, that by example, we can lead others to be able to do that as well, that we can turn turn the actions of others around and flip them. I think that it feels very intentional in that double word usage.
I really love that. And I think translating it as mixed up thoughts, not only does it mean that thoughts can change in that we have a way that we can support each other and that people's minds can grow. But as a chronic people pleaser, I think it is also a helpful idea that there are many interactions that I have with people in the world where there is a part of me, I think, a very young part of me, or at least that's what my therapist says, a very young part of me, that always takes the sort of thing personally, right. If someone asks me a question in a harsh tone, or I'm talking to the pharmacist on the phone, or the person at the airport before I get on the plane, put tries to put a bag tag on my guitar and I'm like absolutely not. It's getting on the plane and they're like,ma'am, I don't need you to like, No, it's okay! Don't yell at me. Right, to say like, most of these things have nothing to do with me, I'd say like, 99% of the times that I feel like I have hurt someone, it wasn't me or the tone of my voice, it was something else. And when I think other people have hurt or unintentionally hurting me, it really it has nothing to do with me. I think thinking about it as mixed up thoughts might be helpful for me to say, they don't mean ill intentions, it's very easy for thoughts to get mixed up. I don't know what this person has been through today. And how can that allow me to have some compassion on others as well as myself? Gonna take that with me.
I think that that thought and that idea continues on in the rest of this, this prayer also. If we're, if we're giving people the benefit of the doubt with their mixed up thoughts and trying to hold on and not respond right away. We're also hoping that that God is going to do the same and with the people pleasing that you were talking about. I feel like at the end of this, we're trying to get kind of God pleasee, right. We just asked all of these questions we asked for wisdom. We asked for healing. We asked for all these things. And then we say but actually, do it for You. Don't do it for us. But aseh lema'an shemecha, like do it for Your name, do it for do it for Your for the sake of Your Torah, for the sake of Your Holiness. Like we appreciate it, and we really hope but it's a benefit hopefully for you also. And right we try it we try and sort of catch our words with a little bit of it's for your own benefit, too.
Is there any coordination between the Aseh Lema'an, the do for You and for Your sake, and the prayers of the Amidah? I have no idea, I'm just looking at for the sake of Your name. If that you know about Avot V'imahot, you know Elohei Avraham, aseh lema'an yemincha, which is strength, your one's right hand biblically, aseh lema'an kedushatecha, the next thing is kedusha, and then Torahtecha, are all the lessons in the learning. And I love this reference to all of a sudden become the beloved at the end, like you know, for for the sake of, you know, my having spent all this private time with you now, this is going to be like the icing on the cake. And leaving room for Aneini for an answer. I'm just looking at it now.
I think there's definitely something to that. I mean, I love, with the fact that Kedushatecha is the third thing with the Kedusha coming in at that third blessing, and the Torah being all these wisdom. And I mean, the next one being like the chonen vada'at which is wisdom, but that leading into the rest of the brachot, I think there I've never thought about it that way before. But I think there's absolutely something to that. That's beautiful.
It is beautiful. It's like a weaving together of the different themes, or if we think about it as a closing number in our favorite subject musical theater. Right, it's taking motifs that have been used throughout the prayer and weaving them together. When I teach about the choreography of the Amidah I talk about that, in the tradition some people have on the last Oseh shalom bimromav to take three steps back, mirroring what we did at the beginning with adonai sefatai tiftach, doing the left, right and center bow that's reminiscent of the Kedusha, and taking three steps forward and then going up on our toes reminiscent of other moments in the Kedusha. That that's like the last scene in a dance piece where you take moves or in like a big cheerleading grand finale where you take moves that you've done over the rest of the piece, and you weave them all together. But I had never thought of that occurring in the structure of the language and poetry itself. Because it's a weaving together not just of those themes, but there's some really beautiful intertext pieces that our favorite book, My People's Prayer Book and Marc Brettler in that book pointed out to us particularly interesting to me, are the Psalms. One is Psalm 34, which has a very specific beginning of David when he feigned madness in the presence of Ahimelech, who turned him out and he left. Are there other Psalms that start like this? It's usually just for David of David not this was from a particular moment when David was pretending that there was something wrong with his mind. 34:14, right? Netzor leshoncha meira usfatecha midaber mirma. Guard your tongue from evil, your lips from deceitful speech. What is - Why is David giving us advice right now? Why isn't this part of his prayer? Could it be that his speech is what got him into trouble in the first place? Perhaps. But there's a lot of, a lot of things here about the use of the voice. Line two is I bless the Holy One at all times, praise of God is ever in my mouth. So again, that kind of physicality of, of the mouth and of the tongue.
And doesn't -
And then at the end. Go ahead.
And see how each come right before it? Right, right before that right. Was that what you're gonna say? I'm sorry, I cut you off.
No, it's not, please take us there!
And the idea that right right before the netzor leshon hara it teaches that that So the way to be a person. a good person in the world. Mi haish hachafetz chaim, who's the person that desires life that wants to live long? It's somebody who does this thing, netzor leshoncha meira, who guards their tongue, and sort of is careful with the with their words. As we know like from all the rest of the words in the, Baruch sheamar vehaya haolam, blessed is the one who speaks in the world, for our words can create or destroy whole worlds. It's a powerful thing to hold on to.
Yes and in, in Psalm 19, from where we get our ending yehiyu leratzon, another mizmor l'david, a Psalm of David, kind of bringing it to the heavens. The heavens declare the glory of God the sky proclaim, proclaims God's handiwork, and the third line, which I'm just seeing, is really striking me today. Yom leyom yabiah omer v'laila lelaila ychaveh da'at. Which is translated on Sefaria as, Day to day makes utterance ,night tonight speaks out. And then the next line, there's no utterance, there are no words, whose sound goes unheard. This is beautiful, their voice carries throughout the earth, their words to the end of the world, this idea that even the sun, and the moon and the heavens and the sky, are constantly uttering because, right in our tradition, creation is an act of speech, which is so beautiful, and then it ends with with this idea, may the words of my mouth and the prayer of my heart be acceptable to You, almost to, almost saying, the utterance of the heavens is acceptable, the moon and the stars in the sun, may mine kind of join the chorus already in progress of these utterances.
I looked right above that in the in the Psalm, very popular in Gates of Prayer, connected with the Torah services. Psalm 19, is also the song that has Torah Adonai temima meshivat nafesh, of the the teaching of the Torah is always that it is pure, renewing life that decrees of Adonai are enduring, making the simple wise, the precepts are just the fear is pure, the it's more desirable than gold, and paying attention to these these details, and just the gifts they are, all of this. And then and then it gets, it goes personal so quickly, the words of my heart, the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart. I'm struck by the beauty of this psalm.
Me too, I think from from the vastness of heavens and space, to the inner workings of my own heart and saying that both of them are holy and contain holiness and are worth God listening. My heart and everyone else's heart is worth that listening. And that's that's a really beautiful idea.
And I really liked the flip that we have from the liturgist here in changing the netzor leshoncha meira to netzor leshoni. And I, when I think about this, this prayer, when I say it at the end of the Amidah, I both am using it as a call out to God, Elohai, but also as a focus for myself and intentionality for myself, inetzor leshoni, like, protect my own tongue from evil, that I'm hoping that I can have this influence from God to to orient my thoughts, but that really the impetus is on me that it's my tongue at the end of the day. And it's my lips that are doing this work. And so I have to sort of orient myself to that. So I like the back into the first person singular, to be able to recognize that it's me not just hearing the advice, but internalizing and actualizing it.
That's beautiful, because I find it's not always where the intention of the prayer that is written this piece of liturgy that's been handed down to us, where the intention of the prayer and the intention of my prayer are one in the same, really, it's very rare. And I remember in the interview I did with Rabbi Sager, May his memory be a blessing, we talked about this. And he says, they don't always come together, talking about like the words of the Siddur and our intention, but when they do, it's a beautiful reunion. And I think here that can be a beautiful reunion for us. And with that, we'll be right back.
Welcome back, everybody. We talk a lot on this podcast about the fact that prayers were written by people and people made the decisions of what to include in their prayers and were responding to the world in its own way. Often when we say that we're being abstract, we don't know who actually wrote the prayers except this one, we do. It's attributed to Mar bar Ravina, and is an example In the Talmud of a personal prayer, one might say in the Amidah, how did we get to this one person's prayer being codified in our Siddur? Wondering, Josh, if you could share a little more about that.
This is one of my favorite sections of Masechet Brachot, all these questions about prayer and conversations, when they're supposed to pray, how you're supposed to pray, what you're supposed to say. And then right in the middle, it's interrupted with a collection of prayers written by individual rabbis that eventually were codified into our Siddur. Which I think for me whenever when I first started that it sort of gives license to each one of us to investigate it and create our own prayers, because that's exactly what the rabbi's were doing also, the words in the studio, were sitting there, and then they added these words. And eventually people said, Oh, those words are so beautiful, we should just all say them, but at the same time, we have to make sure that we're also doing what the rabbis were doing, which was crafting their own prayers and using the words of their hearts. So there's a whole collection. There's one that I always used to say it's sort of I found it in the beginning of the pandemic, and it was a prayer of Rabbi Chiyya, where he said, Yehi ratzon milfanecha Adonai eloheinu v'elohei avoteinu shetehe toratecha umanuteinu v'al yidevah libeinu v'al yechshivu eineinu. May it be your will Lord, our God that are your Torah should be our vocation, may our heart not become faint, nor our eyes dim. And I started saying that prayer a lot when I was staring at my computer screen all the time on all the Zoom meetings. And that was a prayer of of not letting our eyes go dim when we're sort of staring and trying to interact in the world in a different way. And there's a prayer that was said by Rav, that we include now is the prayer we say to bless the new month, there's one of my favorite individual prayers from this page, which is the prayer of Rava, which is the prayer that we replace Elohai Netzor with on Yom Kippur. It's just set on that one day. And it's about finding our own significance and being someone who atones for our sins but also isn't punished for them. Or if we are punished, at least we're punished painlessly. It's a really good prayer. It's like a very human and honest prayer. Like, I'm really sorry. And I know I did something wrong. And I feel like I should atone for it in some way. But I hope that if there's any sort of punishment, it's not it's not painful. And then we we conclude with this prayer of Rav son of Ravina, who inserted these words, at the end of his prayer, this is how he concluded and now we all conclude that same way. But the idea, hopefully, is that we're adding our own spirit, our own wisdom, our own heart to the words of this prayer, and also adding our own words as well.
Beautiful, definitely hope we'll be able to link to that in the show notes. It's helpful as we talk about often to have other people's words. I mean, we started this journey by asking for help praying, knowing that it's difficult. But you know, we also find that having this codified, which I think goes back at least the chairs in My People's Prayer Book that by the ninth century, that was just a popular one. It was an idea that personal prayer should be added. Apparently, it used to be closer to the shema. But when Gamliel kind of codified the Amidah, he wanted to make sure people said it. So he moved to the private prayer, the personal part to the end of the Amidah. But when Amram Gaon, created the first prayer book that we know of, in the ninth century, he included it as an example. But then when Machzor Vitry, when Vitry created the first European prayer book in 11th century France, which was very influential. He was like, Oh, well, Amram Gaon is great. So we should just do everything he said. Everything he said, is how our Siddur is going to be. And so it moved from being here's an example of what a personal prayer might look like to being, this is the prayer that we're seeing at the end. And it means I think, the extemporaneous prayer is not always a part of our practice. And I even know, many clergy who were worried from the Bima, or people in their seats, like, what are you? What are we supposed to do? There's like a fear of this quiet time in some places. And we might say, like, use the words of the Siddur, or the words of your own heart. But um, I'd love to hear what you think about that quiet time that quote unquote, silent prayer, which maybe isn't silent. What is it? What do you use it for? What might we use it for?
Maybe we ought to leave in the long silence. Absolutely. Whatever I do, I think that I'm maybe trying to think about doing that right now as I think about response to the question. But Josh, I interrupted you.
I was gonna say the same thing. I think this silence is powerful. And, and yeah, there, there can definitely be this discomfort with silent moments. But I think there's something powerful in pausing and embracing. And also, if we let our words sort of run aloud all the time, we don't give our brain as much time to think. And so giving ourselves a moment to pause allows us to even if it's just internalizing the words that we just said, as opposed to adding a new words, it gives us a moment to channel it and think about where it was going. And if we meant it the way that we said it. And then I try and use that time that sort of the moment that I use to think about the words that I just said to try and make sure that at least this paragraph, I really am saying with the intention that I want to say it with, right if I'm focusing on these words, and I give myself a moment of silence sort of before I say these words, right after the words that come before it, and I actually I this is the only part of the, the entire prayer service in general that I opened my body up a little bit more. I learned that for my teacher, Rabbi Brad Artson, and I sort of, it's the only part where I opened up my hands in sort of a prayer position and sort of face up and give myself, I never really do embodied prayer as much but in the Amidah, always before I get to Elohai Netzor, I always, I always do that in that moment and give myself a moment to fill in the silence and then channel it forward.
I learned from Rabbi Larry Kushner, in the name of Reb Zalman Schachter Shalomi that Reb Zalman used to describe prayer as is it really is the kind of thing where you can pick up the phone and dial the number. And then we pray and we pray. And we talk and we pray, and we talk and we pray, and we talk. And then before we have a chance to listen for any response, we say, Thanks for listening, and we hang up the phone. And that this moment perhaps is a time, you know, the, our major prayer is Shema. And we've mentioned before in the podcast, it's not God who were asking to do the Shema-ing the listening, it's we are supposed to hear. So we've been so busy expressing ourselves up until now in a variety of ways that I really do think of it as a time to just see what happens when we stop being the ones expressing. And we really try to shema to some sort of response, perhaps.
I love that idea, opening ourselves up. And ironically, or maybe that's the wrong word here, the prayer we have been given for the end of the Amidah is all about words, and mouth and tongue. And so often I feel the opposite. That just being can be a prayer. I might have brought this up already on the podcast. But I've been studying this book of Rav Kook essays called Olat Raya. And there's a piece that I really love that just keeps coming up in my life. And I'll link to it in the show notes. And maybe we'll do a separate like zoom study with any of y'all listeners who want to come because I'm finding it very powerful. There's this piece in the Talmud, where the rabbis connect Shacharit Mincha and Ma’ariv to the three patriarchs and that they are the ones that actually created the service. But Rav Kook goes a bit further and shares that each of those patriarchs were using prayer towards a different end or that prayer served a different purpose based on the time of day, that prayer first thing in the morning, Shacharit, he classifies as Amidah, it's standing, it's helping yourself stand still and strong against whatever forces might come your way. So I find myself at the end of the Amidah I'm doing it at the beginning of the day, maybe I am thinking and running through what's going to happen today. And how would I like to show up in the day and setting intentions for myself. In the afternoon, Rav Cook says it's more about sicha, it's about a conversation, a lot of your business or whatever you were going to do today has already happened, you're in a more relaxed mood, because it's the afternoon it's a little restful, so it's more like a conversation. And I find myself going back to a practice I had when I was much younger, just talking to God like I would talk to a to a person feeling that connection, sicha which means conversation. And then in the evening, Rav Cook says, perhaps the goal is pegiah, encounter, it's a little darker, we're a little sleepy, we're a little more open to what might happen. He talks about like, you know, having an experience maybe looking at the stars and feeling dreamlike and, and that often there is when I let my mind wander or my heart wander or just sit and feel and let it wash over me. But this idea that prayers and even the Amidah serve different purposes depending on what time of day it is what we've experienced in our lives. It doesn't have to be just one thing, and that I'm very grateful that we have this beautiful Elohai Netzor paragraph for us and would encourage you listener to take that time at the end of your Amidah or really any time to think and talk but also just feel into whatever your prayer might be that day. And with that we'll be right back.
Welcome back, everyone, this closing bracha has many moments that have been turned into song, into music, into prayer by musicians. So we're going to share a couple of our favorite melodies. The first one that came to mind has had a very big impact on my life. It's Elohai Netzor by Rabbi David Paskin. Elohai netzor leshoni mirma, very quiet often it's felt to me like a lullaby. And Rabbi Paskin's album Miracles Every Day was like a really big part of my childhood. It's still one of my favorite Jewish albums. The songs are so beautiful and powerful and full of vibrancy and full of learning. And this Elohai Netzor was like my piece as a kid who loved to sing and perform and be up on the bima, I would sing Elohai Netzor, and there was a time for Yom Kippur, often I would sing it acapella by myself in front of the open Ark. And I remember it just being such a such a powerful, beautiful melody and also one of the first times where I felt like my voice was able to channel a prayer for others. When I finally met Rabbi Paskin, because he and Menachem Creditor were doing a concert outside of the hostel where Josh and I were on our Israel Gap Year program. I don't know if you remember that. But I was like, Oh my gosh, you wrote the song. It meant so much to me and I cried and we hugged and he's a good friend and he's he's incredible and making beautiful music. So I want to thank him for that Elohai Netzor. Ellen, what are your favorite melodies for this part of our T'fillah?
Wow, I think at both of them happened to be for the Elohai Netzor part of the the closing, even though there are probably hundreds of melodies for yihiyu leratzon and certainly we didn't even touch Oseh Shalom in that same slot. But I have two favorites. One is definitely Danny Maseng's Elohai Netzor L'shoni Mirma. It is very meditative. It is very choral. And it's interesting to me that my other favorite is by Noah Aronson. And it's also either a duet, or a trio. Elohai elohai netzor leshoni mirma. And it's just as lovely. As I say, duet, I think because I'm still in the listening mode there. And I'm really happy. I'm really happy when there's music in the service that I can't sing, or that it was not meant for me to sing along with, it helps me to relate to the words very differently. And to not be expressing it vocally. So both of those choral arrangements, I highly recommend.
Beautiful, and we'll play a bit of that here.
Listening is a huge part of prayer, also, and I love that you're bringing that to us. And for Josh's pick, we have a really sweet opportunity to hear about a melody that Josh has written, and hear it being played live by Josh and our special guest, special surprise podcast guest, our friend Colleen! Hi Colleen!
Special surprise podcast guest! Yes! So this is one of the first Jewish melodies that I ever wrote. And the idea behind it was a moment of personal prayer for words that were really meaningful for me and trying to find a way to channel that beyond just the words itself to open it up, petach libi betoratecha, to use those words as well to guide my heart towards whatever was going to I was going to encounter on the rest of my day. Open up my heart and my soul to the mitzvah.
Thank you both so much for bringing us that prayer and that blessing. Now friends, as you know, we like closing our shows with a moment of practice, a moment of blessing. And I want to open it up to the three of us in the Zoom doing this chevruta after this journey that we have been on together, what's our blessing? For each other for our listeners, for yourself, to mark this transition to mark, the closing of this chapter, this little siyum, this little end of this round of learning, because we know, the learning doesn't ever really stop. So I'll open it up to whoever is called, what our blessings.
I think for me, I'd like to bless us all with this. The blessing of being able to come back to the same thing again and again, and always find something new. Always bring our newest self and the world's newest self, to these words, even as they may or may not carry the same impact and weight as words of from the Torah scroll, that I hope that we are blessed with always finding the new wisdom there. And realizing that as we change, our relationship with the words will change, and may we keep uncovering gems. And between all of us, that we all have been a gem throughout all of this, the experience has been a gem. So I'm very grateful.
Amen.
I want to continue to lift up that blessing. And also bless us and bless everyone, with with beautiful and meaningful conversations. We've been able to sit at the feet of scholars and get to bask in wisdom, and get to make our homes and our spaces, beautiful places for gathering and for study, to be able to continue to always be a part of this conversation that's been going on for generations and generations for thousands of years, to be able to add our voices to this conversation. And to be able to be in the presence of of dear friends and people of value, who share values and who get to build on the values of our tradition, and bring that conversation along to the next generation.
Amen. I have learned so much from both of you, and from just taking the time to bring my full self to these words, to come home to the Siddur knowing it's always there for me. The blessing that I need today, which perhaps someone else needs also is to remind myself that I am not alone. To remind you listener that you are not alone in us that we are not alone. That the journey through the Amidah reminds me that even if I might start by myself and end by myself, that even then I'm, I'm never truly alone. No matter where we are on our Jewish journey. Our spiritual ancestors are at our back. And they are teaching us and sharing with us and nudging us ever so gently along our way. And that opening up to the needs and desires of others or of our community that I am a part of can help me see beyond myself. Help me remember that I am part of a people and part of a human family, and that there is more work that needs to be done in this world for justice and love and peace to be the reality for everyone. And that those things are possible and to sit in that, what is possible? What is my little part that I can do? And what can we do as a community and as a world, to be to be partners with the Holy One, in building this world of shalom, this world of peace? May the words of our mouth on this podcast and the meditations of our heart be acceptable to you, our dear listeners, and may they serve as a blessing on your own journey.
Amen.
Amen. And don't worry listeners, this is certainly not the end of the podcast. In fact, even though it's taken us a year and a half to go through the Amidah surprisingly, we have not run out of material in the siddur, or in our ritual lives. Um, so stay tuned. I think our next series we decided is going to be on the Friday night at home sweet of blessings and rituals. We're going from a lot of words to fewer words, but still with the same amount of meaning we'll be able to find an hour's worth or more of things to talk about for those. I am sure and we can't wait to see you there, listeners. Our editor is Christy Dodge. Thank you Christy. Yaffa Englander does our show notes. Thank you Yaffa. Krishna is our admin extraordinaire. You can find us on light lab.co for all of your learning needs with our beautiful show notes. Follow us on socials and keep keep on this journey listeners. We're so glad that you're here with us and we will see you very soon. Shalom everybody!
