Quick Tip #48 Honor Your Feelings - 1:11:22, 2.59 PM

Jessica Lauren16min

Jessica Lauren

00:00

Hey y'all! Hey! It's your girl Jessica Lauren, and I am coming to you with this week's quick tip. You know, I've been putting something into practice recently, that's really helping me the hell out and I wanted to share it with you. And it's not ground breaking at all, but something that we run away from because it's uncomfortable. Because we've been conditioned that if we did this one thing that perhaps-- we aren't good girls.We aren't Christian enough. We aren't polite enough, or kind enough. And what it is, is super natural, so I don't know why the heck we've been taught to kind of stop it from happening. But all it is, is recently I've been allowing myself the space to feel all of my feelings.

Jessica Lauren

00:51

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, the silly, the girl, what is you talking about? You trippin I have been basking in them all, because there was a time where I'd run away. If I felt angry. I wouldn't express it because there was some guilt. And I think a lot of it had to do with growing up in a church like,--"Jessica you have to be a woman of God and you have to turn the other cheek.. and, you know, kill them with kindness." And so I was never allowing myself to express my anger or sadness or loneliness, right? Because we've always been taught, Well, God is by your side or, you know, Good Girls Don't Cry, or you don't want to be considered a bi tch if you express any resentment or anger boundaries or any of those things. Right? And that might have been my interpretation of how things were, you know, maybe my church didn't say those things. But that's that's the impression they left on me is that I wasn't allowed to fully express my feelings right?

Jessica Lauren

01:55

And what winds up happening when you suppress things is that they they explode at the most randomness times. Okay, I will never forget this one. I was living back in my apartment on 69th Honey and Crandon out south and I had this rinky dinky air conditioner that my mom had bought, like in the 90s, she dropped it off to me in Chicago, it was like here go your apartment to hot. And it was already like on his last leg. And he was like the hottest day of the summer. Like it was just so hot. And I tried to turn it on. And I guess I moved too fast and the knob completely broke off. Like it, like disabling it from being able to be turned on right? When I tell y'all I had a nervous breakdown, like I literally threw a fit! I was throwing stuff screaming at the top of my lungs. And after you know, about 40 minutes of going like "God I am sick of this! I can never have anything!" Just crying and rolling around on

Jessica Lauren

02:56

the floor. You know, I realized like oh, I needed some pliers, you know, and I can just turn it on with the pliers. I don't necessarily need the little pretty knob. And you know, in that moment it stunned me like-- "Jessica were you really that mad at the air conditioner? Or is it something else going on? Is there some underlying issues that you haven't been dealing with?" And at the time it was being you know, overworked and underpaid, being an awful relationships, being in the city, by myself without my you know, core group of friends and family and you guys know, I was born and raised in Detroit. And I went to school at Northern Illinois University, which is out in DeKalb, which is like a couple hours away from Chicago. So even my friends that I made in college, when they moved back to the city, they got back connected with a friends and a family or you know, I have a core group of friends that I grew up with in Detroit, it was all the way up in New York. Things were bothering me on the inside, I was frustrated with work, frustrated with my life, you know, like in your 20s you just be frustrated because you have this idea of how far along you should be. And instead of expressing it, instead of being like this job sucks. Let me find another one. It was like nope, I better be grateful. This is all I can find God is good. And He is. But I was always like, just just swallowing it, you know, just suppressing it because I didn't want to seem ungrateful. I didn't want to be considered a bad believer. I didn't want to be known as someone that didn't have faith. So I suppressed suppressed, suppressed suppressed everything deep down until it would explode. I'm cussing folks out in traffic. I'm mad at the barista that ain't got nothing to do with them. I was just angry. You know what I'm saying? And finally it dawned on me and it's not really got back into journaling and meditating and praying and just keeping it real with God like yo, I'm angry. I'm sad, you're I'm lonely or I'm happy, like I used to. I have a ton of energy Some might say I'm a little hyper, I used to get in trouble for that girl sit down, you talk too much girl, I quit playing you so silly, or I have friends that were jealous of me, you know, like, it was just a mess. I always somehow, whether it be through school church, relationships, or you know, things that you know, parents say, just trying to control your behavior, rightfully so, that quieted me down. And, and I never got a chance to express it. And I internalized it and I was walking around with a chip on my shoulder.

Jessica Lauren

05:31

And so recently, it kind of started happening again, because life is shifting all the time, we have been in this pen aroma, Ponderosa pandemic, whatever you want to call it, but dang near for like, three, five years, you know, so there's some frustrations there. It's just a lot going on my hormones going crazy, because I'm pregnant and, you know, just things. Um, there have been a few missed payments, you know, from clients, or whatever the case may be right? And instead of just being like, I'm not gonna deal with it. I'm gonna ignore it. I've been like, let me sit with this. How does it feel when I am scared? God these people said they was gonna pay me for this doggone, you know, advertising spat. I did. And it's been 90 days. Where's my check? I'm scared. I'm scared that if I don't get my money, everything will fall apart. I have bills to pay right? Or when I'm happy. God, thank you. I finally you know, launched my Patreon. It's been something I've been working on forever, or have been thinking about. It's finally here. Let me celebrate. Normally I'm like, Well, I'm happy. But on to the next one. No, it was like, how do you want to celebrate that day, I want to go to crumble and give me a nice big old cookie. Nothing big, nothing major, but being able to sit in it. And it's been so revolutionary for me to be honest with my feelings, especially with myself. And with God, God, I'm scared. God, I'm angry. God, I'm afraid, God, I need you or, you know, that doesn't make sense or what she said to me, it irritated me. And I've been able to process things and realize what's my baggage, like, Okay, you're irritated with her because there's something and you shouldn't even do nothing, okay? And it's like, okay, I'm not irritated with her no more or be like, You know what, she's been doing this for years, I need to have a clear conversation with her. Right? So there is freedom and feeling your feelings, right? Once you begin to feel the irritation, the anger, the sadness, the loneliness, the happiness, the proud moment that the moments of courage, then you can take the appropriate action. If you're afraid, what are some things that you can do? That'll push you to be a little bit more braver, right?

Jessica Lauren

07:52

If you're tired of being broke, busted, disgusted in your job and being abused and talked about behind your back and your boss treating you like crap? What is that information telling you? Right? You're frustrated, you're angry? Okay, maybe that's a signal. It is time for a new job, right? You're proud of yourself. But in the past, you weren't able to share that because people always wanted you to dim your light and not you know, shout it from the rooftops of what if instead of us, shrinking, and hiding, that you stepped into that proud feeling and shouted it from the rooftops and put it on your Instagram stories. You never know who's watching you from that somebody could be like-- aye I should hire her to you know, I'm saying our feelings are always giving us information on our next best steps or where we need to heal or where we need to create more boundaries, where we could be growing more where we need to just sit and bask in it and enjoy it savory, right? But we can't go around ignoring it.

Jessica Lauren

08:52

So today, my challenge for you is if you feel excited about something feel excited about it set a time of a famine. It's like listen, I know this is so silly that I'm excited that Tabitha Brown's followed me back. But baby for five minutes I'm going to put on some music and dance because it lights me up. If you feel happy. Oh my goodness. This package came from Treasure from Nikki Mallory where I get to create my own bag and follow her virtual workshop. I'm just so happy. Let me post it online and, and let me tell my friend and maybe we could sign up and do it together. Do that for five minutes, right? If you have a conversation with somebody, and afterwards you feel depleted and drained and confused and in the dark, sit in that sit in that for five. Just set a timer. Wow, I am observing every time I talk to her. I feel less than I feel half of myself. I don't feel energized anymore. Okay, so maybe that's information of how I need to change my interactions with her. How much access she has to me, right? If you're feeling sad, sit in that sadness for five minutes is a lot going on. And when you're always trying to hide or you know, charde, which says like, oh, everything's fine, everything's fine. But internally, your body's like, everything is not fine. You're doing a sort of betrayal to yourself, right? Our feelings aren't inherently wrong or bad, right? They are here to be of service to you, right. So maybe if you're feeling sad, and it's just, you know, surface level sadness, if it's something deeper, like a depression or something, please, you know, seek out help, whether it be through betterhelp.com, I have a code for that, or whether it be talking to a trusted friend or family member for depression, you know, it's something serious like that, go get help. But if you just wake up, and you just fill in blah, you know, I mean?Maybe that's the information-- baby take the day off, maybe go ahead and take a nap, maybe go ahead and do something fun. Maybe you need to take some more vitamins or drink some more water, you know what I'm saying? Our bodies are always speaking to us and leading us on a better path of Fuller, wider, robust direction. But we have to get into the habit of not ignoring it, right, invite those feelings in.

Jessica Lauren

11:21

The good news is that they pass they will eventually pass if you incorporate some type of spiritual practice into it right now, I'm not saying go through Pandora's box and open up that past trauma that's gonna set off a floodgate of emotions. You know, I ain't saying doing all of that. But you know, just for those day to day kind of triggers right? After you've been triggered after someone's made you angry across the boundary, or you know, you had a conversation that just took you left, then after that, after you feel it is an invitation for you to try to comfort yourself or observe what how it made you feel and what some next steps could be. So I like to sometimes just turn on my camera on my phone, and just talk to the camera. And just really just try to have a conversation with myself and see how I feel and how I like to process it. Right? You can journal, you can do some affirmations that speak the inverse of whatever just happened, right? So let's say you got off the phone with your mom, and she made you feel small, and she was condescending, and patronizing. Then what are some affirmations that are true about yourself that you can go stand in the mirror and say, you can say, I am safe, I am value valued, I am worthy. I am loved.

Jessica Lauren

12:42

I care about myself, you know what I'm saying? Maybe it's sitting down and meditating, you know, after you're done, got off the phone with somebody that drains the living daylights out of you just sit for three minutes and hop on Insight Timer. I'll leave all the links to this in the show notes. Just go to Sunday jumpstart.com. Click on today's quick tip. And I love listen to LiZa Colpa. She has some incredible guided meditations that are just a few minutes long, sit down and listen to that to recenter yourself, right? Again, I don't want you to go to deep right and even if sometimes you go too deep, make sure you have some, some safeguards in place like a therapist on the line or a good friend, I can help you out. But this is more so for those surface level fillers that we don't even allow ourselves to feel. Make sure you're taking care of yourself by being able to journal meditate, talk to someone talk to your phone, and then pick back up the pieces right because then eventually they'll pass and a lot of times you might have to assist the passing right let me go outside and get some fresh air before I cut everybody out. Or let me go on and put on a funny movie so I can laugh, right? I've been doing a lot of that lately. Me and Boo just had a rough day we have found out some some crazy news and everything's okay now, but that day, you know, we were just kind of sulking and talking about like how disappointed we were. And then after a while I was like, Okay, that's enough. Let's go watch stepbrothers. We crack up and watch that let's order pizza wash stepbrothers. And then after that it passed. And it's not to say that revisit us again. And that's to say your feelings won't, right. But you just don't have to hide from them. They're their gifts, even the ones that feel icky. They're they're just trying to talk to you and lead you maybe to better relationships, trying to lead you to healing, a deeper understanding of yourself, leading you to better jobs and opportunities, leading you to a different city, different relationship, a deeper relationship with parents or loved ones. Maybe it's the opportunity to let some ish go. I got a whole episode called The Art of Letting Go I'll put it in the show notes baby where we talk about how that is a gift to be able to walk away from some right? Don't ignore your feelings, process them, let them visit for a few minutes journal, write them out, talk to a friend. Then after that go on about your business.

Jessica Lauren

15:08

Right. Alright, that is it for this week's quick tip. Thank you so much for tuning in. I talked about a few things and if you were driving and didn't get a chance to jot it down, do not worry. I got your back just go to the Sundayjumpstart.com and click on today's quick tip. Everything that I mentioned will be there if you enjoy today's quick tip. Listen, why don't you join me over on Patreon for the Morning Jumpstart? That is where we basically do the show every single morning Monday through Friday. And it's a video live stream where you get to come on the live and ask questions or join me in a podcast chair is a really really good time to join that just go to the Sunday jumpstart.com and click on Patreon. Now if you want to hang out with me outside of just Sundays and Wednesdays on Patreon, the best place to hang out with me is over on Instagram. The handle is @thesundayjumpstart. Be a doll and do me a favor and leave a five star rating in Apple podcasts and Spotify also has a rating system now to go ahead and leave ya girl fast as they can because it helps get our make ish happen message out there. All right, you guys that is it for this week's quick tip. I will be back here this Sunday for a full length episode. Until then, stay strong. Be encouraged. I love you and I will see you here Sunday. All right-- bye!!

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