S3 E2 - 3:19:21, 1.51 PM
6:53PM Mar 23, 2021
Lee Skallerup Bessette
Hey, everyone, welcome to the second episode of season three of the podcast, all the things ADHD. This is part two of Amy my conversation or first conversation for season three after not seeing each other for a long time, due to the pandemic, and life and everything else. And so it's a continuation of our conversation that we started and that you would have heard in episode one. We keep talking today about the impact that the pandemic has had on us. The, you know, how important routines are for us how we have, again, keeping going on about how we've been coping. And we end off with talking about what we hope to do during season three, but who knows where your ADHD and so we might say, we're going to do it and then forget to do it and do completely other things instead. So hope you enjoyed this episode. As always, you can find us on Twitter, I'm ready writing. She is did you want Amy is did you want, you can email us at all the things email@example.com or you can visit our website, all the things adhd.com So with that, let's join myself and me. It's so weird. Let's rejoin myself and Amy talking about life during the pandemic. Because he took a bookbinding she almost feels like binding. Yeah, she's like, well, cuz she that's all she ended up. She's like, the so here's, here's like, this is how this is how tic Tock is like ADHD Oh boy. He's she's like I'm in bookbinding tic Tock and I'm like, How in the hell did you end up in bookbinding Tiktok. And she's like, well, I'm in I'm in Harry Potter, tick tock. And then I was in Harry Potter fanfic Tick Tock. And then I was in Harry Potter fan. fic being printed Tick Tock. And then I was in Harry Potter fanfic being turned into handmade book, tick tock.
This is like six degrees of handmade bookbinding. Right. Like, doesn't matter where you start, you're probably just six clicks away from bookbinding. Yeah, yeah.
And so she's like, I'm like, Okay. Let's go to Michael's.
That's good. That's good. No,
like, let's think about all the handcrafts are picking up because a lot of our leisure time, I think in the before times was taken up with screens, right? Yeah. And I think since everything is on screens now, like, look at you, your sewing. your Instagram is straight fire. Everybody should follow you for your dresses that you're I'm actually
wearing one of them right now. No, I know what I'm actually wearing one of them right now. Gorgeous. painterly shirt
I love the fabric. It's amazing. Yeah, so you've like taken up sewing, I'm back on my knitting of my kid. And I've been like decorating cakes I bought. I bought a pastry. Like scraper, it looks like the thing you do for doing drywall. Making the icing flat
and scraping stuff off that's flat off,
which is something I have never needed in my life before. But it was really important that I have it and I use it right. And I've been playing the piano again, playing the piano a little bit more seriously again, in the last two weeks since I had my LASIK eye surgery. Those of you who don't know me, I had had severe myopia in both my eyes like minus seven in one eye and minus six in the other and moderate astigmatism and I have not seen well, ever, right. And so I got this surgery and now I can like you know, count the tail feathers on like a red tailed Hawk in flight 500 feet away, backlit, but I can't see anything. Clearly, that's within two and a half feet of me because I recovering and so the couldn't couldn't read stuff. Right. And I couldn't screen stuff. And I couldn't really get because you need to be able to see your hands see
Yeah. It Out here like
oh, exactly. Like, that's gonna be hard on my shoulders. But like I started playing the piano. And I found I could really play the songs because I could sort of see the notes, like on the sheet music, but I couldn't see the fingering and like, I can't play it a grade eight level. So the fingerings always make complicated if you don't know what fingers to use, you can't play the size. And they all forget about that. So I started doing the technical requirements for the grade eight piano exam, because I had a book with that in it right? All the scales. And so that's what I'm doing. I just the other day, Sunday, I played scales, league scales, right, two hands and arpeggios per hour and a half hour and a half. And I was like where was this focus what I was actually paying for? Well, when my mom was paying me
Yeah, let's be honest, you were not paying when I was in high school.
Right so we're all doing things with our hands now like we're like pioneers or something. It was really funny because the other night I was playing not for an hour and a half but I was like tootling around on the piano working on my like, oh my god formula pattern scales which is like you go up for two octaves together with both hands and then your hands go in different directions. And then they come back together and then they go all the way. Oh my God, what a brain buster. And my kid was sitting at my desk drawing by hand like not doing the Digital's was doing sketches that I was like, I feel like we're in a Jane Austen novel. Like we're in. We're in the ladies sitting room far larger suffer, right? We're in the parlor. And I'm you know, playing the piano, maybe later Your father will come up and recite poetry with cognac like, right? Yeah, exactly. Later, once the men are done with dinner, like he'll come up and I was just like, the strangest thing. But But something I discovered I was like, you know, the things that we used to do when we were teenagers and struggle with so hard, especially undiagnosed ADHD, like, my fingering was always a mess when I was in piano, like, I did my graded exam when I pass, and I got to high school music credit for that. But I just remember playing piano was being so stressful, because I never practiced enough, right. And I was always like, so late on everything, I was like, I just need to make the sound like a song by whatever means necessary. So I never learned to do things correctly, right? I didn't let the last minute. Good enough. And so it's weird now that I'm both very bored, and sufficiently medicated, and a better impulse control is that I will sit at the piano and play scales for an hour and a half. And enjoy trying to do it correctly. Which I had never had that experience of piano in my life. And I played piano for years, when I was a kid, I just could never enjoy it. I was always so stressed out. And I never wanted to practice. And I always felt so pressured. And now I feel none of those things. And I'm able to attend to those little details that I absolutely could not attend to before. And like is that medication? Is that maturity? Is that the pandemic boredom?
I don't know. I don't Yeah. And I think it's also word of the removal of pressure. Right now you're doing this for you and not out of a sense of obligation for anyone.
not going to disappoint anybody if
you're not going to disappoint anyone.
I mean, do you have an experience of your Have you had that experience as an adult of going back to something that, you know, is it like a little bit with swimming? Or like, no, because I know you always did really well, with the swimming like, Is there anything that when you were like, I
was okay, it's swimming. I was not that good at swimming, actually. But you went
to all your practice and stuff like that was not what you struck?
Yeah. But I was not good at the details either. Like I really wasn't good at but I also didn't have very much body awareness. Hmm. Right. So like, I was strong, right. So just just to give you an example. So like, we would we did weights, and I use in this is, this is gonna sound like a humble brag, but it's, it's the best example I can come up with. We used to do incline setups with 25 pound plates holding 25 pound plates on our chest. Oh, my God, I used to be able to rip off, you know, 20 of them. 20 to 25 of them like undo rotating sets, like three sets. So I do 25. And then my partner would do 25. And then I did you know, and we'd spot each other and all of that.
I would dislocate my hips doing that. I will tell you that for free? Yes. Okay, my hips. Yeah.
And yet, not one clue how to engage my core when I swim.
Right. Poor proprioception. That's the word. We're looking for your proprioception awareness of the body in space, which my people the autistic people struggle with mightily, and which ADHD people also often struggle with. Right? It's because it requires a certain attention to your own location in space. Yeah. And we're just so frazzled all the time. Right? Yeah. So do you find you're able to is your proprioception improved? Now? Like if someone says like, no, engage, engage your core? Do you know how to do that now?
Yes. Mostly through Pilates. Like later on? And what with Pilates? Actually, no, it was master swimming. So I went back as a master swimmer when I was at University of Alberta. And I started probably because I wasn't as strong as I used to be. Right? And so like, we're starting to notice, like, Oh, my back hurts, but, but it's made me a better coach, because I now have 27 different ways to try and get a kid to understand how to engage their core,
right? Because you needed 27 different ways. I
needed 27 different ways. Right? where like, and I see the kids, right, I've got these I got these, you know, it's the boys because they have the suits, and you can see their their stomach. And you can see they have core muscles, right, let's like you have core muscles. Now let's figure out how we can use them. So like, you know, tip toe, I have them do streamline. So a hands about their head pointing up, and then put their feet together and go up on tiptoes in order to do that, like, oh, gosh, you got to pull that you got to pull that in. If not, you're gonna fall down. Yeah. There's thinking about pushing your belly button up through your spine. There's thankies about, you know, all of those kinds of things that like, all I was ever told is engage your core,
right? Yeah, I had a yoga teacher who used to say like, you know, we're doing this like advanced handstand workshop or something that a bunch of yoga teachers, they're getting this workshop and he was like, No, like lift your left leg, your left leg lifted, and he was like saying it louder is not helping. That's not teaching. Right. It's like, I need to say it differently, so that you are able to enact in your body the correction that I want to see. So do like, do you think? So maybe there was like some bad teaching when we were younger? But maybe maybe we were not able to hear it.
Yeah. Well, and I think that that's, you know, it was, yeah, probably some of that like, probably it was just me being obstinate, but at the same time, like, I literally didn't know what they were talking about. Right. Like, engage your core. I'm like, like, what does that mean? Like sucking in my gut?
Like, does that because that's gonna help you swim better suck down your gut. Or something different?
Yeah, exactly. But like it was never really explained us
How? Like, unless I'm doing a sit up. I don't know what you mean, right? Like, there's only like, when we do AB work, like cake, sit ups, all that kind of stuff. I understand what I'm doing. When I'm flat on the water like this. I don't understand what you want me to do. Because I'm not doing a sit up. Like, it doesn't make any sense to me.
Yeah, like so proprioception is a struggle often for neurodivergent people, but also caring about those little details when what you want to do is go from one end of the pool to the other end of the pool fast. Yeah, right. Like, because I know I suffered from that a certain amount like playing the piano as a child who is I just wanted to play the songs. And I want it to sound like a song as fast as possible. And I could kind of like Cluj my way through it. Because if I had to spend the time perfecting the fingering, I'd only get like four bars done today instead of 12. Bars done. And it sort of sounded like a song when I played it mostly correctly. And that was more satisfying to me than getting stuck in the weeds of like, No, you always seem to use your fourth finger here. Stop using your third finger for that. Right, like, so. We're impatient about it.
I think. I'm like that was sewing.
The dress done me. And
Fred here, forget it.
I don't care. Yeah, exactly. Or like, Oh, I could like, I'm better now. But when I first started, I was just like, near and I was just like, it's getting done today. You know, I'm under like, Oh, it's not perfectly straight, don't care. Don't care. Because those little details that like I don't care about mastering I don't care if my like notched collar is perfectly pointy,
until you start to care.
Yeah, and right, I'm getting I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to care. And I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to understand. Because it's almost like I gotta do it once or twice. Just to get it done. Right? To know that I can do it. And then sort of have that kind of muscle memory or, or like, brain memory to be like, oh, okay, now I'm going to know I can slow it down a little bit. Well,
I think maybe like, let's be honest, we're trying to turn things that our processes into opportunities for instant gratification. Yes. Yeah. Right. And, and so hyper focus will allow you to do that you can so a dress in a weekend. Like if you're really really intent on it, will it be well done? Possibly not? Right? Almost certainly not binged it? Yeah, right. And it's like the same thing with with learning songs. It's the same thing like often with cake decorating, like, you need a lot of patients like, when when alumni want to do like cakes with very smooth icing, you actually have to freeze the cake. Solid. Oh, yeah, that you cut it into layers that don't disintegrate while you're cutting them like so it's a two day process that I'm like, No, I want it now. Right? But like you take all the shortcuts. And I wonder if there's something about the pandemic time currently where we have acres and acres and acres of time. And that even when we do binge our way through things so that we can get the result. We're just still left with way more time. Do you know what I mean? Like maybe the pandemic has slowed us down enough, that we're not getting those same rewards from bingeing stuff that we used to. So maybe it's allowing us to slow it a little bit down and learn to enjoy the process because I think a lot of people with ADHD really struggle with doing a good job in the process. Mostly Yeah. fascinate. And also because we're focused on results, right, and not on doing the details. Like there's a whole bunch of reasons why you would never think somebody with ADHD is going to be really good at knitting sweaters, right? or playing complicated piano pieces, right? Because it just don't like it's going to be 95% process. Yeah. And then 5% product, so the gratification is not supposed to be instant. They're so baby, like the good news about the pandemic is we have so much time that we are learning to be able to enjoy the rewards of the process a little bit more that never felt rewarding. Yeah, for
I gotta find the silver lining here.
No, but but I also think and so here's, here's the flip side of that. Is that because I'm not a perfectionist? I could start sewing. Right? Does that make sense? where it was like You know, some people will look at is like, Oh, I can't wear that because like the colors will offer like, I screwed up that buttonhole or like an or the the seams not straight. I'm like it. Oh, well.
Yeah, when I sit down, right, yeah,
exactly. Everybody's gonna be focusing on the pattern and not on the seams. I'm like I you know, so. So there was something about like that, you know, we're talking about the 90%. There's something about also the 90% of it being good enough. Yeah, that it's like I can, I can be proud of it. I can, I can see the flaws because that's, that's how I roll everyone rolls. But like, I can be okay with them.
Right. Like, it's not that's too, right. Yeah. I think that's really it. Like my friend, Megan, who's taken up sewing in the pandemic, too. She was making this like, kind of complicated suit jacket. And she called me She's like, you're trying to talk? And I'm like, Yeah, she's like, I just need a break. And I was like, What did you do? She's like, well, I got the pocket sewn. But I put it on the inside of the blazer completely just so completely wrong and had spent a lot of time doing she's like, I don't even like I can't pick this out right now. Like I'm too. Yeah, I can't I need to throw at the jacket. Yeah, for a week, like,
what what progress like she's neuro typical so far as I know, but like, I was like, so impressed that she didn't like set it on fire, or like rip it in half, or in a fit of peak, tear it out and try to do it again perfectly right away until her fingers bled, and your eyeballs fell out, you got to be just like, I will come back to this, but not today. And maybe not tomorrow, some other time. Right? When I have calmed down, I will do other things in the interim. And I was like, ah, I would like to learn to do that. Right? Because like with my ADHD, and I'm sure many of our listeners, there is no, I'll come back to it next week. It's like it needs to get done today, or I'm going to get fired. Yeah, but what a gift.
I know. Well, and it's really interesting, because like, um, you know, I, as I said, I'm really proud of the progress My son has made, because I was actually really worried about what this year would be like for him. Thankfully, though, he is still an elementary school, sixth grade here is still elementary school. So there is a kind of still structure in place where he doesn't have to switch zoom rooms or, or whatever, Blackboard Connect rooms. And he doesn't have to sort of have four different teachers and four different sets of homework. And it's just like, he has subjects but not right. Not as, you know, if you don't shift things, you know, it's like I have these classes on these days and these classes on these days, and they alternate. And I have to know what in a day and up day is it's just like,
yo, we're going I have I don't want to talk about it.
No, I know. No, my middle schooler takes care, but I'm so glad she does. Because I'm just like next year, Leo's in middle school, and I hope is back to normal because I am not gonna be able to like his schedule. in charge. Yeah. What's shift? She's already like, Is it time for Leo to take to choose his electives for middle school? I said, Yeah, she's like, why didn't you come to me about this? And I'm like, cuz you don't talk to me anymore? And she's like, No, no, no, no, no, no, you need to let me do this.
I'm like, like, oh, gladly. Okay. Yeah.
I'm like, all right. Talk to talk to him.
I don't want him to just Yeah,
she convinced him even though he swore he would never do band again to do band only because the band teacher is really good. And you don't want another year long elective other than band. Wow. So we can do nice. Yeah, she could. No, that's what she said. She's like, it doesn't matter what the elective it. It doesn't matter what it is. It matters who the teacher is. And she's like, that's like patient supervision. Lee. Yeah, it
really doesn't matter what your domain is.
Yeah, it's the supervisor is the supervisor. So like he's doing things that he swore he would never do. He's doing band. He's doing the theater elective. Because the theater teacher is amazing. Like, just do both this. He was like laughing. Yeah. Well, and it's also because he's not interested in any of it. Like, you know, he's like, well, if I'm not interested in any of it, and the teachers good, then I guess I'll do it then. Right. But But no, so he has asynchronous days, right? So every Monday is an asynchronous day. And last week, on Thursday, and Friday had to us asynchronous days because the teachers were getting ready for the kids do go back to school today. Right? And so he knew he had asynchronous work. And he's like, I'll follow the same routine that I always do, which is to go up to my room for nine o'clock, that's when our day starts. And I'm going to do the asynchronous work. And so he worked for like two hours on his asynchronous work, you know, I mean, I'm sure he was doing other things and like, taking nama breaks and all that kind of stuff, but he was getting it done. And he got to the end, and he left it till the end. The thing that he hates the most, which is poetry. Oh, pork. Yeah. Yeah. And so he comes in and I've got meetings, and he's like, Mommy, I need help with poetry. And I'm like, honey, I can't help you right now. Um, you? Let's come back to it. And he's like, I don't want to come back to it. I don't want to do it at all now. Yeah. Is I just want to be done and overweight. And I'm like, dude, I got two more hours of eating now. Really sorry, like, but he was so good cuz he'll get online with his friends yeah and play. He he got on he got on video games to play, but he didn't call his friends and he turned down their calls because he wasn't done yet. And like, waited until we were done with the poetry.
He is more disciplined than I am.
I know I was just like, good dude. But it was, but he was also so burnt out on it right that moment where he was frustrated, he didn't understand the poetry but he wanted to get it down and he was gonna push through it and I'm like, No, dude, you need to take a break.
But see down that's one weekend. Yeah, right. That's the same thing. I know thing is like you need to use so the pocket on the wrong side of the blazer you need to put it down. Yeah, and walk away. Right? Don't rage poetry, because you're not. You're just gonna break it.
Yeah, what did he did? He was well, yeah, he was he was just gonna like, like, it was it was the point where he was so annoyed. And so Thai cuz he just worked for two hours as well. It was like, dude, like that worked for that
long. No way. No,
I was, as I looked at the clock, and I was like, gosh, it's 11 unis. Not done yet. Is he been working this whole time? Like, it's like, Huh, but he was really motivated, right? Like, he was also like, highly motivated, because he was like, if I get this stuff done, because this is to him. It's also like the the trick, right? he feels like he's tricking because he's like, this is a day's work of asynchronous work. And I'm gonna get it done. before lunch. Yeah, I get it all done in two hours. So for him, it's sort of like this, like, he's cheating. He to him. This is cheating. Right? He wants to like cheat as much as humanly possible.
Well, I mean, this is another lesson that we all have to learn, I think pandemic times, and I think that ADHD people in particular have trouble learning is that you don't have to have all in one sitting. Yeah. Right. So it's like me trying to learn a whole piano song. It's like you trying to sell an entire dress, it's like your son trying to get all of his day worth of homework done before noon, even though you're not really able to absorb any more information, or you're just gonna make a bunch of stupid mistakes. Now, yeah, you know, this idea that like I geared myself, I climbed the wall, right, I climbed the wall to be able to start this task that I don't want to do. I don't want to have to climb the wall a second time, right? So I'm going to binge my way through it and like, but I'm just gonna
knock my head on it like this is just like,
Yeah, because it took me so much to get the engine started to begin this task, right. And if I stop it, now I'm at another point going to have to start the engine up again. And it's gonna be sort of that that loss of time at the beginning, and but the thing is, like, you have to learn how to do that. Because adult level tasks are not always finishable in one sitting. Yeah, like, they're just not like, I used to try to do all my yard work in one day, like, my spring yard work
gets me too for,
I'm going to like, you know, my yard is huge. My property is like, 100 feet deep, 110 feet deep and 55 feet wide and full of trees, like there's a lot to do. And I'd be like, I'm gonna do them one day, right? It's gonna be a long day, it's gonna be miserable all day, like, you know, I couldn't and the next day couldn't walk because I heard you that and we never, I was always angry, like, and so I get, I get that I think a lot of us are prey to that, like, I don't want to do my taxes, but I'm gonna do my taxes. I'm going to gear myself up for two hours. And then I'm going to spend the I'm going to do it until it's done. But it's No, it's too much. You can't do it in one sitting. Yeah, it's like grading grading
is like that, too, right? Like writing is just like, I don't want to have to start up for this again. So I'm just going to grade for 1820 hours, one Saturday, and just like, power through it, because
like it would work because like in your first hour, you can grade for things. And then in your 11th hour, you graded half a paper and eaten an entire cake. Yeah. Right. And your comments are like, I hate you. This was the right number of pages B plus.
Yeah. Or, or Yeah, exactly that you
all get A's now, I just want to go to bed. Yeah.
But you could go to bed, right? doesn't mean you have to do them all in one day. And I think maybe that's another gift that pandemic time might give us is that that we are not sort of being externally stopped from trying to binge those things, but we are in fact running up against the consequences of what happens when we try Yeah, which is burnout. Yeah, yeah,
well and there's also like, so we're talking about like my kids have gone back to school and so one of the things that I have my eye on is of course you know the change in routine right in because it used to be that like the well one of the biggest ones with my daughter in any case, is that like there was no bedtime right you know, again choosing your battles Cassie get ready for bed. No, I'm busy. Okay, whatever. You're going to your your school starts super early, but you don't have to get dressed like you just I did my monitor. I
told you there's bedtime right? Yeah,
yeah, exactly. Right. But now that she's has to go to school she comes home on Tuesdays because right she's so tired. Yeah, like maybe try going to bed earlier and But no, because of the routine. Now that you know that there is that this is when like, her body has been trained that this is when she goes to bed and she there's no problem getting her up like she'll get herself up. She's ready. She gets on the bus. She goes for day, but she comes home and she is a
jerk I imagine. Yeah,
she No, she just goes to bed. Right? Like it's not even like it's just like, closes the door passes out. I said, Ah, yeah. And and you know, and the thing is about Leo to like, okay, we had a good we had a decent first morning this morning. We need to work on the routine a little like mommy providing lunches. But, you know, but but again, like I'm, I'm just you know, cuz even observed for himself. He's like, who this is a busy week, right? He's like, I've got classes, and then I'm going, I've gone back to school. And then this weekend, we have a time trial swim meet. And then the weekend after that, he's going to a friend's place for, you know, birthday party, he's a coup. This is so much mom. And like, after a period of time when there's like, everything was really predictable and nothing was happening to like, just like, now things are happening. Right? You know, and I'm, I'm, you know, as again, non neurotypical kids and non neurotypical myself, I know how important especially for my son routine is. And so I, you know, I'm acutely aware of like, watching and just making sure that like, Okay, if there's something that comes up like we can, how can we handle this? How can we deal with this and just make sure that like, we, we don't go too much off the rails, I guess.
So why is a view to think like that because I think sometimes, like, especially this is such a danger, I think we have to watch for us. Maybe someday we move out of this pandemic, I read today that everybody in Mississippi can now go get the vaccine, but in Ontario, they've they've opened it up lead to the general public. That's over 80. Looks
like, oh, maybe my dad can finally get one.
Oh, well, that's
good for him. It's not great. Yeah. So. So as things start to open up again, as much as we know, we don't like disruptions to our routine, you tend to not think of I'm able to go to a party as a disruption to your routine, you think like thank God, finally, I'm free. So I think a lot of us neurotypical and also neurodivergent people are going to add too many things on. And even though an event can be joyful and much to be desired. When you start changing your routine, or you add too many good things. It's like, you know, your parents will tell you that you can't eat a supper entirely consisting of cookies and cheesecake, right? Because it's too much of a good thing and you will become sick, which as it turns out is true. Yes. I learned that the hard way several times, but But even so, like Leo now, right, going from his very strict lockdown routine, which is incredibly boring, but also highly functional, to like, I can go to a birthday party, and I can attend an extracurricular event. And I am going back to school where I'll actually see my friends and I am having deep lunches that my mom will remember to make like, it's a lot of change. And I think sometimes in this culture in general, we we know, sometimes that difficult changes have a period of grieving and adjustment associated with them. But I don't think we give enough attention or care to good changes are very emotionally disruptive, as well as practically disruptive. But it could be a big thing, like seeing people again, or it could be a little thing. Like we were joking, before we started recording about how, since I've had my eyes down, I don't have to take my contacts out at night and it's destroyed my entire bedtime routine. Like it's I don't have to take my contacts out in trails, a chain of events that result in me like going to bed turning the lights off, and I'm not wearing my retainers, for some reason, right that I'm like what happened. The other night, I went to bed with my earplugs on or like I forgot to take my I forgot to wash my face, like, you know, like all these like little things that were just in this chain of overjet starts
with taking your contacts start putting my
contacts, right. And so I changed one little thing and the whole system fell apart. And it was a desired change was like oh, one less thing to remember. Yeah. And then I forgot everything. Right? So like, it could be just little stuff, little tiny things like that can just throw us off course or it could be like much desire things like I get to go back to work or I get to go back to school or I get to see my I can see again, I can I can see right. And then everything else falls apart somehow. And I think sometimes we tend to think that there's something wrong with us that we experienced that disruption is not 100% pleasant, but I want to give permission to everybody that even a desired change to routine or even a return a desired return to a way that you used to do things will probably entail some negative disruption and some emotional upset in some way. And that's okay. It doesn't mean don't actually enjoy the thing and it doesn't mean that you were wrong to want it. It just means it will take you some time to adjust to those changes again, and that's okay. make space for yourself to have complicated feelings about going to restaurants again. Yeah, right. That's okay.
We and I even saw that because we were able to go back to swimming Fairly not not early, but outdoor swimming was okay. Right? Because outdoors and all that kind of stuff, and chlorine kills literally everything. And so we were allowed at a reduced, you know, lane and social distancing to go back to swimming. And everybody was so happy Of course, right? Like, everybody was thrilled to go back in the pool to see people to be outside have an excuse to leave the house. Because even if you're allowed to leave the house, right to go out, you don't go on walks, walks,
you go on
about like, you, but you're like, for teenagers, right? Or, like, you know, like, you're too old to go outside and play. Right? And there's nowhere to safe to bike or there's nowhere to bike. And you know, so it's like a cold word, or it's just a word like, Where am I gonna go? Like, what am I gonna do? Like, it's just so cool. Yeah. They don't know about that, though. Like, they don't know about that you don't really do remember, like, just getting on your bike and riding around the block in the neighborhood, like, infinitely social media of the 1980s Lee. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But so we all go back to the pool, but then probably two months in. Everybody was still swimming scared. Right? Like, everyone was still swimming scared. Nobody was like, they were back in the water. Everybody was happy. Right. But like, they weren't, they were too scared to train. Like it was this interesting sort of thing. And, you know, I can certainly understand like, on the one hand, why do they have to train and they could just love like, it's one team though. Like, what sort of? What's the point?
Like, in the idea of what a team? Yes,
yeah, this is kind of what we're all here for it right.
For the training part.
Yeah. And and Yeah, exactly. And so it was it was it? It was, and the the head coach didn't understand it. And I'm the one who figured it out. I'm like, no, they're swimming scared. Right? They're swimming scared. They're just, they're not used to it. They are like, this is not where they usually are in terms of their routine. And in July, right, July isn't still heavy training. July is fun, summer swim. You know, they don't have a swim meet to look forward to because we don't know when those are coming back. They don't you know, they, there's they're swimming scared. And so we really had to, like retrain them how to work hard,
Um, which sounds like saying that is like your bet. You're a mean, coach. I'm like, No, this is again, the point of
Yeah, well, I
mean, that's what they're paying us for.
I think I can, I can see that. Like, I also feel like I want to go back with my running group, which isn't meeting right now. Because like I am running about, I'm working with a coach, virtually, which is nice, because it makes my running like a little bit social. Like there's someone who cares whether I go for a run or not, which is not the case. And I'm just running by myself. Yeah, I used to run with my group. And I haven't run with my group since the pandemic started. And because like the group used to meet through a store, and that group was was disbanded because of government regulations and stuff. I know, some of them are going for runs together. But I feel like I'm not ready, gentlemen. And I also feel like if I'm going to start running with these people, again, and I really want to because like I like I said, I'm running 40 kilometers a week by myself. And it is boring, like boring. And like, because like there's only certain routes I can take, because of the way that the snow is here. Like some of it is like, buddy icy disaster that you can't run on and then the other roads are way too windy to run on. So there's a limited number of places that I could run and believe me, right, I have worn grooves into the asphalt with my own damn feet, because like
40 kilometers a week is not
a minimal number, right? It's all by myself. And I'm so bored. And I wander around with my friends. But I think like, we have so much that we have to catch up on like, how am I gonna manage that? socially? What do I tell them? How do I not talk too much? How do I know if I'm running with other people and we're in a group that means we have to like find a pace that we all agree on how we're going to do that. It's like I've lost my skills for running with other people. As much as I'm like, not really enjoying at this point running by myself all the time. I'm like, I don't remember. I don't remember how to be at ease in a running group. And it's not because when somebody's going to cough on me, and I'm afraid I'm virus, it's like, I don't remember how to negotiate pace with people. Yeah, I don't know what we're supposed to talk about. How are we going to like was we used to see each other every week and we would just catch up on our weeks but like, Hey, guys, like how was like the last 15 months for you? Right? Go?
I just don't talk about it. Maybe we just like start from scratch. Like, a bit like but we used to talk about like a Where have you been lately like nowhere?
No, inside my inside my house like Yeah.
So and then there's also in in your, in your case? It's the So Amy how's your last 15
like, Don't ask me like me because I'm a black mark of death and like people like wow, you I just thought Oh, you wouldn't believe it if someone told you except this all happened to you. I'm like, I know. It's like feels melodramatic even to me. I don't even want to talk about because people like they make the face like, yeah, we shit,
right. It's like while you're running.
Yeah. While I'm running. Yeah, like, I'm sorry, I'm bombing everybody Oh, people are dropping off the pace
or speeding up?
Yeah. Like, can we call somebody to help you? Are you okay? Are you a therapy as many therapists it's gonna be alright. So like, I don't know how to I don't know how to do that. I feel like I've lost all my social skills to write for, for how to be among people.
Yeah. And weighs in. And again, it's, you know, I'm, I'm very much an extrovert. And I'm very much like, I know, I'm going to be even more too much than I usually have. Right? Like, people
have been sitting on these stories for a really long time. And I tell everybody, y'all,
Oh, it's so funny. My daughter's like that. So she has various groups of online friends. And something happens in one group. And then she has to tell all the other groups. And so I hear the story seven times. Yeah, as so something happens at swim team, she has to tell all her different groups, then something happens in her fanfic group and chest till all the groups including the swimmers, and then something happens. And so that's how you can turn a tiny bit of content into like three hours of social activity, right? Yeah,
it's five minutes worth of something. But if you share it 10 different places like you really spun that out. You have to go like, on the rare occasion that that Tom or I go anywhere, like sometimes I'll go for a socially distant walk with with one of my colleagues or whatever, then we will go for a walk. It's like, tell me, what did you guys talk about? Right? I'm like, well, it's good to have all the conversations a second time, but now it's like, a social opportunity for Tom that he didn't get to happen. So anytime we interact with anybody, he's like, No, tell me more. What did the dentist say about flossing? Like, it's just?
Oh, yeah, no, it's like, I mean, it's my husband gets to go to work. Now. There's no one at work, right? Maybe one other person at work. And so they they have two offices and like, their, their offices are connected, but they have doors. And then they also even have doors to their own offices. So it's like they're, you know, but but like, they'll talk to each other. And I'm like, so how was work? How was how was it? How was talking to people? Yeah.
When you drove there, were there red lights? Or did you get greater heights today? Like, I'm just so starved? Yeah, yeah.
Well, and he's, it's the weather's turning nice. So we can ride his motorcycle again. So I was like, how is the motorcycle ride?
Right? I didn't make what's traffic
light right now? Is there? Are there cars back on the road? Are there any new potholes we need to be careful over on, on on, but like,
I know, the minute that I get back out there, within an hour, I'm going to be overwhelmed. And then I'm going to hate myself, right for wanting so badly. To be back among people and being like, oh, when we get to go outside again, I'm going to do this. And I'm going to do that. And I'm going to go to the mall, I'm going to like see people or mean, do whatever. And then I know, I know that I'm going to get overwhelmed almost immediately and want to retreat back to my house. And then I'll be like, What is wrong with me.
But here's the thing, though, too, and I get it. I'm gonna put this out to you. There are a lot of these activities that you never really liked. Like your romantic romanticizing some things that you really didn't like, and only did when you had
Yeah, let's go to St. Patrick's Day on Ezra Street. That's my favorite. No, absolutely not. I'd be like, I don't even want to go outside on that day. Because it's too loud. What's wrong with you people? Right? Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true. A lot. I didn't like it. I was joking about that early in the pandemic is like, oh, finally, like all the things that I hate are canceled. Yeah.
Yeah. Shut up. Big bars Shut up. Right.
Because there was, there was a comic Oh, what was it something positive is one of the ones I read in there. They were driving and they're like, wow, you know, going to get vaccinated soon, we're going to actually get to do things again. And then there's like, we're gonna still actively avoid doing things right.
Like, well, that is something to do. Actively avoiding something, you just want to have a choice, right? Yeah. Like, I want to turn down invitations to go to loud things. Right? I don't want to not be allowed to go anywhere, right? And want people to be like, you want to come to this bar and do this thing and be like, no. Right. And I'm happy about it later. Yeah, even tell me about it later. But like right now, I'm Loki mad that I can't do anything. Right. So I don't know. I don't know. And we should probably wrap this up for today because we're just like, we're trying to get a whole year worth of podcasting done in one recording session.
See, we don't even know how to though. No, this is it's not that we don't know how to podcast anymore. We know exactly how we push past Yes.
Which is like too much. Yeah, but but that's enough.
Yeah, we're just stuff this is you know, but we do we have a weekly a sort of weekly time now and we can get a little ahead and and I put things out. I have to say that it has been so. So any of you who have emailed or reached out on Twitter to us like we so appreciate it, it has meant so much to us. Absolutely. And thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for asking us for season three and encouraging us to do season three, and understand why we weren't when people have been emailing us and
tweeting to us. Do you know what it meant to us? It meant, oh,
that wouldn't work.
Amazing. Like that. So, so yeah. So
welcome to season three. Welcome to I don't know,
1000 downloads? Yeah, I think it is, I think it's five people who have to continually redownload because they lost the file. That would that's like the most ADHD thing ever be very on brand, or most of them are Me too, because I've been trying to re listen to them to remember.
It's awesome. Yeah. But yeah,
well, we'll all figure it back out again. And it won't be another year before I edit this. We're getting better that the timeline is shortening.
We're just we're so efficient now from sitting in the house doing nothing for a year, such as it is. Yeah. Yeah. We love to hear from people. We love to entertain the idea of having guests. Anyone who wants to send us memes should send us means because we want to do ADHD means ADHD means we want to talk about because they're just like, so great. And they've been giving me life all year. Yeah.
Yeah, they and the nice thing Well, okay, well, this is a spoiler alert. But the nice thing about memes is that you share them and you're like, this is what it's like, like, they don't want to read an article. But if I show them a meme, they're like,
Oh, yeah, no, that makes sense. Interesting. Yeah.
So tag tag, Amy and I, Amy's Did you want, I'm ready writing with your favorite ADHD memes. Amy and I will be tagging each other on them
excessively. We'll be laughing
a lot. Oh, yeah, for sure. So um, take care and until next time, be safe, be well, and hopefully this pandemic can be over or at least somewhat over soon. And then we can all complain about that.
Are you supposed to tell them to try to stay focused? Oh, yeah.
Me to your liver.
You're listening to all the episodes. Take care everyone.