MIA 182-How I Overcame RSD and Saved My Marriage-and stopped being a yelling, angry mom

3:19AM Mar 31, 2023

Speakers:

Patricia Sung

Keywords:

adhd

mom

stressed

brain

pancakes

neuroplasticity

feel

kids

question

husband

stay

link

people

marriage counseling

calm

overwhelmed

reaction

spiral

coaching

hardest parts

Every time I share a really vulnerable episode, and I tell you the skeleton pieces in my closet, it does not feel any easier than last time. I know it's easier, because I'm not thinking like, oh, I shouldn't hit play. I shouldn't hit publish. I'll still do it. Just so you know, it's still hard. When we learn how to do hard things, it doesn't mean they aren't hard. It just means we know how to do them better. Let's dive in. Are you overwhelmed by motherhood and barely keeping your head above water? Are you confused and frustrated by how all the other moms make it look so easy, you can figure out how to manage the chaos in your mind, your home, or your family, I get your mama, parenting with ADHD is hard. Here is your permission slip to let go of the Pinterest worthy visions of organization and structure fit for everyone else. Let's do life like our brains do life creatively, lovingly, and with all our might. When we embrace who we are and how our brains work, we can figure out how to live our lives successfully, and in turn, lead our families well, at the end of the day, we just want to be good moms. but spoiler alert, you are already a great mom. ADHD does not mean you're doomed to be a hot mess, Mama, you can rewrite your story from shame spiral to success story. And I'll be right here beside you to cheer you on. Welcome to motherhood in ADHD. Hey, my mom, before we jump into this episode, I want to clarify that if you are in a relationship that is not safe, that person does not take care of you, that person is not treating you well, then my advice today is not for you. What I want to say to you is that you deserve to be treated well. And with respect. And if someone is treating you poorly, then please go somewhere safe, and take care of yourself. Hey there successful mama. It's your friend Patricia Sung. Today is a tough one for me. But I'm gonna tell you anyway, because I know that if there is at least one mom listening, who needs to hear this, then it's my place to share. Because I'm in a place to share. I always check myself to make sure that I share from my scars and not my wounds. And I'm really thankful that this is now a scar and not a wound anymore. About a year ago, my husband and I are in another giant fight. And you know those ones where you've had the same fight 700 times and you don't remember how it started, but it still ends up in the same fight that you always have. For us it would be he would bring something up, and then we do a lot and then I shut down with my famous answer. Okay, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. And we would never get anywhere. And we'd be up late fighting, because he didn't want to go to bed mad. And I just wanted to go to bat. To be honest, I just wanted to not be fighting anymore. Like I just wanted to get away. And while my husband never said the D word. When someone tells you I can't do this anymore. Like what are what are other options here? What are we going to do? We were at a point where we were so dejected and so frustrated. And I just couldn't help thinking like, we made it through two years of me being really sick. And we made it through and now that I'm getting better, this is falling apart. Like why now, these last two years were so hard. Why is it now that we can pull it together and move forward? And when you're in that cyclical argument, where you think it's all your partner and your partner thinks it's all you are like, maybe you're willing to admit a little bit of fault, but mostly it's them. It doesn't feel like it's gonna get any better. But I agreed that I would start going to therapy. At the time I was finishing up my ADHD coaching with Jessica Haim soft, which I will link her in the show notes. I think very highly of her. She was incredibly helpful. I knew that there were some things I needed to sort through in therapy and that I needed to unpack and deal with myself. And basically my husband was like, this is the ultimatum like you've got to go to therapy and you've got to get your crap together because we can't keep going like this. And I adore my therapist, Sarah. I will also link her in the show notes. If you are in Texas. That's where she is certified so you can look her up. I was doing the hard work and I felt so much better. And I was sorting through my trauma and like thinking like okay, I'm making progress. And here we are. We hit like end of Summer, beginning of fall. And as much as I felt better, Dominic Jetton, he didn't see the positive changes. Instead, he felt like we were just ending up in more fights, which was true, because the more that I tuned into who I really was, the more I spoke my opinions. And that created way more friction, but he felt like I was just being combative. So we get into the fall, and we start marriage counseling. And it was still a lot of pointing fingers where I'm like, I did my part, I'm fixing myself, I'm getting better, and you don't see it. And it's really rejecting rejecting detective. I don't know what that word is. But like, I just felt so sad and alone. Like I'm working so hard. And as much as I see the changes within me, it's not helping our relationship. And I'm like, this is a good thing. But it doesn't feel good right now. Because healing is a really ugly process. And there's so many layers to it. And it definitely gets harder before it gets better. And that's why a lot of times we give up in the middle of like, hey, that comfortable spot that I was in that still totally sucked. It feels better than this new spot. That also sucks. And I just felt like he was always criticizing me. And he felt like I never wanted to talk about anything. And that really stuck out to me was I was making pancakes for my son for breakfast before school one day and he walks up and he's like, why are you making pancakes? And I don't know what tone he said it in. But I didn't hear. Are you making pancakes? Or who? Why are you making pancakes or huh? make pancakes. I heard why are you making pancakes? What is wrong with you? You know, we don't have time for pancakes. We have to leave for school soon. How did you make such a poor time decision? Again, you're making us late. We're never gonna get out the door on time. Now you're teaching your kid how to be late. He's never going to get a job one day, because you're making late all the time. Like what kind of Mother are you in creating these awful habits for your kids? And that shame just laid on thick of how I couldn't do anything right? And I keep messing up. And despite my best efforts, I'm still not good enough. I took that one question and turned it into an entire death spiral.

All in my head. At the time. I didn't see this as the like crux of the problem. I didn't realize how much that rejection sensitivity dysphoria was clouding everything. There's a lot of different discussions about whether this is a specific symptom of ADHD. Personally, I'm more on the side of it being a trauma response, and being a stress response. But either way, anytime I heard any comment or question from him that could possibly be construed as him doubting my decision or questioning my decision. I took it the wrong way, quote unquote, the wrong way. Sometimes for sure he was being judgey. Let's not I won't put him on a pedestal by any means. Sometimes he was not being guided. And he was frustrated, which rightfully so being late in the morning does cause issues, I get it. But a lot of the time I was perceiving more to the comment that was there. And this is what we were able to figure out in marriage counseling was realizing like he genuinely does want to know what's going on. Because when he enters he wants to help and he doesn't understand what's going on in sometimes it didn't come out well in some times it came out fine and I took it poorly I took it as a criticism. And I get now why this happens when we are always in a stress response which most people with ADHD are generally living in stress response, we never get to a healthy place. We're always stressed which is one of the things that we don't talk about enough with ADHD is that when you're in that space of overwhelm, you can't make a good choice you're not going to creatively problem solve your way out of it because as our counselor guy always says I will link him in the show notes as well he only does in person so if you're in Houston I highly recommend he has a very long wait list he's very good anyways, what guy always tells us is that nothing good happens after five Sarah tells me the same thing when you are stressed if you imagine your stress continuum being zero I have no stress at all to 10 volcanic eruption Medusa mom shows up anytime you hit five nothing good happens after five if you are more stressed than less stressed nothing good happens after five and I have talked a lot about this and other episodes so I'm gonna try to rein it in because all of this topic I will link those in the show notes should or the man before I started talking, but I didn't hear we are. It makes sense why as moms as a whole we are stressed we're not getting the amount of To sleep we need, we're not getting good nutrition and nutrients for our body, we're not drinking enough water, we have a lot of stimulation from our kids being loud or climbing on us, always needing something from us. It's a lot. Then you add on ADHD, whatever other mental health struggles you have you add on financial stress, stress with your relationships, economic level stress, safety in where you live stress, like there's so many reasons to add on more layers of stress, that when you wake up in the morning, you may not start at zero, it's highly unlikely that you do actually, you're already stressed upon wakeup. And when you get past five, your body is flooded with the stress response. And you're not able to make logical and good choices or problem solve because it's too much. And I can look back now and be like, I get why now. Because over the last three years I've been so sick in about two years ago was when I was really starting to turn the corner and I was finally healthy enough to get out of being in like 910 all the time where I was just frozen you in that like freeze fawn response. I just lived there all the time being that sick. And I finally was getting healthier, where I'm living in the zone of like 5678 all the time. So now I'm finally healthy enough to move out of frozen. And I live in fight flight. So when my husband asks, Hey, why did you make pancakes, I start with fight. Why do you always have to criticize me? Or I go into flight? We don't have time to talk about this right now. We'll talk about it later Later never comes my way. Or on the days where I'm really stressed or really tired? Then I turn into freeze. I don't know what to do now. Do I continue making pancakes? Do I get something else out?

I don't know. I'm frozen. And I don't do anything. And then of course, that's just taking up more time. Or I go to fun, which is classic people pleasing, where I'm like, Okay, what should I do? What do you want me to do? What do you think we should have for breakfast? And my husband's like, why are you asking me like just make something in here we get into this seems spiral every time of fight flight freeze fawn in every argument. So no, while I'm doing everything that I quote unquote, should be doing going to therapy, marriage counseling, working on myself, reading books, doing everything that I can. And yet, I still don't know how to get out of this vicious cycle that keeps like dragging me down. And I feel like I'm drowning. And it doesn't feel like I can choose in that moment when my husband would ask me why you're doing that. It didn't feel like I had a choice to do anything different. So fast forward. I'm finishing up my coaching certification right now. And it's all about neuroplasticity, and how to change your brain. And I started down this rabbit hole when I was really sick and trying to figure out like, I was so desperate. I'm like, I will literally try anything under the sun to try to get better. And neuroplasticity is one of the things that I deep dive research. And you know that when we get hyper focused on something, especially when we're desperate, how we will deep dive into things and realizing like Oh, my goodness, like, there is an option to like change the way my brain functions. It felt like oh, just too good to be true. So when I signed up to do this coaching certification, it started out to be like, oh, yeah, I would like to help my clients change their habits. But like, selfishly, I was like, I don't care if I ever use this thing ever again, in my work. If I can figure out how to change my reactions and get myself out of this hole, it will be worth every single penny I spent on it. Because it's a commitment. It's a lot of money. And it's a lot of time, and I'm taking courses in the evenings, which you know, as a mom is the hardest part of the day in, in one of my very first practice sessions, I brought this pancake problem to my partner to practice. And I was like, I need to change my reaction when my husband asks me why I'm doing stuff like, I don't want to feel automatically annoyed. And I don't want to automatically feel like he's criticizing me. Like I want to take him for his word that like he genuinely wants to understand. And I want to be able to just answer his question like I don't need fancy fluffy unicorn and reward feelings. Like I just want to feel neutral about this. I just want to be like fine with him asking me a question. And we worked through this neuroplasticity system. My teachers called the meta pattern in the next day. We're getting ready in the morning. And he asked me a question. I don't remember what it was, but he asked me why I was doing something in the morning, which is probably like, why are you taking so long, right? And I was just like, Oh, I'm just I just answered the question. That was it. And I was like, holy working shirt balls. If I literally just answered that question, I didn't get upset. I didn't go down the shame spiral of how I was taking too long, like blew my mind. And that was the moment where I was like, This is it. This is what we need for ADHD to be rewriting our reactions, when we're feeling things that we don't want to feel. And I want to be real clear here that this isn't about changing your reaction when it's like rightfully so like, this week in the news has been hard. And I don't watch the news because it's too much for me. So I generally run on the premise of like, if something important happens, my husband will let me know. And if not, I will probably see it on Instagram. And that is the sum total of my news intake because my heart cannot handle it. So like, rightfully so this week is really hard. In that kind of righteous anger that gets people moving and changing the world. That's not the kind of feeling we want to change. That's the kind of feeling that makes things happen. I'm talking about the feelings you feel that you don't want to feel those patterns that have been ingrained throughout your life or by trauma or by someone who was not kind to you are whatever it is, that created a reaction that you don't want anymore. And you want to change the way you feel about that. I'm talking about those kinds of feelings. In that pancake moment. I knew I can put this to work in so many ways for ADHD, I'm working on it with my kids bedtime. That's the one of the hardest parts of the day for me, I'm tired, my medicine has worn off, I have run out of energy, I just want to go to bed. And that is when I usually lose my cool that is when I start yelling at everybody Medusa mom shows up and is taking everybody's head off. And that is paired with a lot of times like they're not listening to me anymore, because they are also tired, and they are also out of energy and moving slowly and not catching all that I say and doing like half of what I said in the last two weeks, I have only lost my cool twice in the last two weeks compared to where I was a year ago. This is like a miracle of miracles here. I don't expect myself to be perfect. I'm still human. And I can pinpoint both of those things and clearly say why I know why was too stressed and needed to take some space. But what I know is that I didn't stay there. I think that's one of the hardest parts when you have ADHD is that when you get stuck somewhere, you're stuck and you can't do anything else. And then the whole day falls apart when things don't go as planned. And then it all is a hot mess after that. Now that I have the skills to change my reaction. I don't stay there. On the one day I lost my cool right before lunch, rightfully so my kids weren't listening one trips and falls eats it. And I'm start yelling, I was with a friend. And she she heard like my mom voice come out. And she was like, Oh, my goodness, something's wrong. And it was like, oh, no, what's wrong is that I'm having a meltdown right here. It was able to pull together and be like, okay, Patricia, focus, scoop up this kid, make sure he's okay, bring him to lunch, we got to eat no more running and flip flops. And I was able to pull it together. And we had a great rest of the day. The one day I lost it at bedtime. It wasn't epic meltdown level, it was just like, oh, well, but sure you were yelling a lot. And you need to rein it in. And I was able to pull it together and calm down enough to then go and apologize to my kids and be like, I am sorry that I yelled at you. I should not have acted like that and being able to have forgiveness for myself so that I can then apologize to make kids and own up to like, hey, that wasn't cool to me. I'm so sorry. In turn bedtime around, I have the recipe like okay, I'm doing bedtime by myself. My husband wasn't home that night. It was a stressful day, I let them stay up extra late because it was a Saturday. Of course it did not go on my fever. I'm like I can go through all that and rationalize why this didn't go well, I can see the pattern. I know what I need to do differently next time, but I'm not gonna beat myself up about it. And I was able to pull it together to still connect with them before they went to bed. Those were my heartbreaks when I'm working with my clients. And they are so sad that they didn't show up in the way that they wanted to. And they're beating themselves up, just like I beat myself up for it and knowing that like, I don't have to stay in that place anymore. They don't have to stay in that place anymore where it's really hard and just in the shame spiral. Instead, being able to recognize like, Okay, this is not going well. What am I going to do? Bring my stress rebounds down. How do I want to handle this differently? Let's put it into place and being able to show up as the mom that I want to be that right there is worth every single penny that I spent on this certification if I were to never use it ever again, it was a worthy expense because it was an investment in how I treat myself and how I treat my family and knowing that I can then turn around and share this with other people like it is beautiful. And I'm like over here just wanting to like shout from the rooftops like you don't have to stay mad at yourself, you don't have to see a shame for how you treated your family yesterday. You don't have to keep that negative Narrator playing in your brain that tells you all the stuff that you do wrong. You don't have to stay in that guilt of being a horrible mom, like you don't have to do any of that there is another option. And I've seen it not just with me. I mean, I've seen it in myself in so many ways. Like it's not just my relationships, but things like now like changing the way I view like, being in large crowds of people was always very anxiety driven for me. And now I can walk into a place and feel not necessarily like super comfortable, but I'm not panicked. I can walk in with my head held high. And be me Be confident me be calm Patricia and shine my light and talk to people that I normally would never want to talk to. Because I have rewritten the way that my brain does things. I've seen it in my clients where I have a really shy client who always feels like on the outskirts and not welcome and she spoke up in successful mama meetups last month for the first time ever. She's like one of my OG clients. She has been with me for a year. And she just spoke up. She's never done that before. I about like peed my pants when she did that. Like it shows me like how she is coming into her own and being competent that she is valuable. In her opinion matters and what she has to contribute mean something. I've seen it in one of my clients who has a neurodivergent four year old, and she's trying so hard to be patient and stay calm in the bedtime struggles that used to be Medusa mom Central. And now she can show up and be present and focus on what's the true goal here. My goal is to connect and to be present and we will get in bed calmly. Eventually, I've been doing some free coaching and successful mama meetups as I'm practicing all the stuff that I'm learning in my certification. And like I've seen, I mean so many but like off the top of my head, there's one mom who's a new supervisor, and every time one of her employees would come to her she'd panic of like imposter syndrome, I can't do this. And now she is calm enough to give herself space to listen, and then have the like capacity to try to help them and figure out the answer instead of the panic. I have seen another one of the moms and successful mama meetups was struggling with leaving for work at five o'clock. It's because she wanted to be present and pick up her son and trying to leave work was full of anxiety of like, I still have more stuff to do. I didn't get enough done in being able to give her that gift of calm and peace to walk out the door. And like do what she knows is most important in that moment, which is being with her son, she now has access to that feeling of knowing like I can't do this. Another mom was feeling touched out by her two year old Haven't we all been there and how she can approach her child with calm and connection in those times where it feels like too much. When I see this working in mom after mom after Mom, I can't help but sit here and tell you like things can be different when we look at the neuroplasticity of our brain. And it feels like oh, when this you know trigger point happens, I can't control my reaction. You're right in that moment, your brain is on autopilot and just does its thing. But when we can go in and activate that trigger, like if you think almost like, you know, when my husband would say why are you doing this? Are they cute or you push the button, and then that circuit lights up red, and I'm angry. But when we can go into our brains and like metaphorically light up that circuit when the button gets pushed, we can go in and separate that feeling and then in our brain find that place in our brain where we have the thing we want. So for example, I want to be able to just answer the question. There's plenty of times in my life where I've just answered a question, I know what that feels like. And to me that calm feels like the color blue. So if you imagine like I'm waiting up that section of my brain in blue, they know what it feels like to be calm. And when we're doing this neuroplasticity work. We're over here pumping up that blue light, so it hits like strobe like Vegas level light. And once it is so strong, we can then connect it over to that button that when you used to push it hit read. Now when that button gets pushed, because everything's lit up in blue in your brain, we can now connect that button to the blue and solidify it and the more time we spend on it, the more we can link and make that connection stronger so that when that button is hit, it's not going to read anymore now it's going to blue because blue is We're we've set up that point of strength, and we rewrite that path. If you want to see this in action, you can go into my Facebook group and watch the pin the video at the top of me coaching moms, or you can volunteer for one of the ones I'm doing in the next couple days. And yes, we have grace for ourselves, because we're human. Like I said, it doesn't mean I've never yelled at my kids since then, sometimes you're gonna be mad, sometimes things are frustrating. But in that moment, I want to know that the most important thing is the connection there and to be able to reroute myself to lean into that connection point and being present, instead of being angry Medusa mom. And the more that I practice that being present and connecting with them, the more it solidifies in our brain, there's a saying neurons that fire together, wire together, and the more that we light that up, we can build that new path, even if that old button of red has been in place, since you were a little kid. Our brains are amazing, amazing things that we I mean, really, we don't even understand the half of what they do. But what we do understand is that they can be changed. And all this has been coming together for me as I go through my certification and seeing the links of how I can apply this to ADHD. Because most of the coaches that are in the certification program are not ADHD coaches, it's a really wide variety, and everyone's able to like layer it into what they're working on. There are coaches in there that have been certified previously, or been coaching for decades. And there's also people who are just starting out and like to watch how this meta pattern of the neuroplasticity in your brain functions in every area across all of these different personalities, that time and time again, it works like my mind has been blown in how effective this is. And I just realized over the past couple of weeks that like my coaching has always been amazing. Because I understand ADHD brains, I understand strategies that work. But now I combine that with overcoming all the hurdles that are keeping you from doing what you know, you already need to do. Like, this is the crazy part about ADHD. It's like you know what to do, and then you don't do it. But why? Like what's holding you back from that when we dig into all those little hurdles, but it usually makes sense why things aren't working, like if you're trying to put your morning routine in place, but yet your teen is always running late. That's really hard to keep your cool. It's hard to stay on track. It's hard to still have a good day after you've been yelling at everybody for 45 minutes to get out the door. So I know I've got the strategy to come up with the right morning routine that works for you. But the missing piece was how are you gonna overcome those obstacles? How do you still keep your cool and stay connected with your kid and be present still have a good day, in spite of the fact that it's not going how you thought it was gonna go? Because when you have kids like nothing ever goes

on. This flexibility is something we can build on we can create, you can have a really great bedtime routine. And at some point when your five year old needs three more stories and six more songs, and you're the one angrily saying I love you go to sleep, you have this strategy in place. How do we overcome the hiccup? How do you still see present and connect with your kid when your body is yelling, like, get me out of here, I just want to rest because within time management mastery, we're creating these great schedules and routines that make sense for you. And then moms are telling me like I know I have my plan. But like after my kids leave for school, I literally just sit on the couch anxiously. And I don't know what to do next is because you're overwhelmed and you're stressed and your block brain is shut off. And all your resources are being diverted to safety. But when you're calm, you can problem solve and figure out what to do next. So I'm taking everything that I've learned in time management mastery, all that strategy that is amazing. I adore this class so much I know it has everything you need to make a great schedule and routine for your family and figure out how to do juggle all the priorities and not get overwhelmed because you know what to do. Then we layer in the group coaching and lighthouse to overcome all those hiccups that show up every day and throw you off so that you can take care of yourself so you're not running in fight or flight 24/7 I want to teach you how to use neuroplasticity to change all those automatic reactions that feel like you don't have control over them and flip that narrative around and say we can change our brains. We can stop being overwhelmed. We can choose calm peacefulness presence, when you know how I want you to know that you can choose a different way to speak to yourself and then you can have grace for learning new things. I don't know about you, but I've had 41 years to learn how to talk crap to myself. It's deep rooted and yet I doing things differently. Now, we talked about the other week, more often than not more often than not, I give myself the grace and the forgiveness and do things in a different way. And I'm changing the way that I function to be more me not to change me to be a better person. It's not that you like, the way you are isn't good enough, is that you're leaning into being really you. And I know that when you have these skills for yourself, you can then turn around and teach your kids how to do them. I love talking through this with my kids when they can't sleep, and teaching them how to calm down their brain so they can slow down enough to drift off to sleep, it's a beautiful thing to know you have the skills and the talents and the resources needed to be able to help your kids when they're struggling. This is one of the comments that breaks my heart every time I see when moms are like, I want to help my kid with this. And I don't have the skills to do it myself. How am I going to teach them how to do it? I want to teach you that so that you can I know that not every mom listening to me talk today can be in the group, there's only eight spots. Well, there's moms in there. So there's less than eight spots. I don't know how many there'll be when I hear this. But in while it's not for everyone, I know that there are the number of moms listening that are like this is the life preserver I've been waiting for. And if that's you, I hope that you will join me in lighthouse, we start mid April got until next week to sign up and it's April 4, it's the same link for time management mastery Bitly forward slash ADHD framework. In the next three month I'm going to teach you how to do all of these things. I'm going to teach you how to change your automatic reactions, and how to solidify them in so that you can be present so that you don't take everything quote unquote, personally so that when someone says something hurtful to you, it doesn't send you down the shame spiral. For example, I had two negative reviews on my podcast in the last two months that I talked about my stuff too much. If you had said that to me a year ago, I would have burst into tears. And now I'm like he cool. This wasn't for them. I know that 99% of moms who listen to my podcast are never gonna pay me a penny. And that's fine. This is part of my ministry. And how can I not tell you about this thing that I learned that is so amazing, and will change your life. I hope that my voice conveys to you the level of seriousness in which I believe how this is going to change ADHD families. And this is the beginning of the ripple where we can go out and change their reaction we have when it feels like people are criticizing us. And then we go down the shame spiral, when we can change the way we interact with our family, our partners, our kids, because I want you to know that there is hope that you can be the absolute happiest, most wonderful version of you that's lurking under all the layers of frustration and overwhelm, and overstimulation. Like, you're in there at the bottom of all that yuck. And we can find her and we can pull her out out of the quicksand. So you can really be happy and love the life that you have, that you can lean into the gifts that you have. And you can be really successful with ADHD when you have the support that you need. And I'm going to do everything I can to start changing the world one moment at a time. And it starts by me supporting you with your schedule, figuring out the daily routines that you need, figuring out how to prioritize what really matters for you. So strategy wise through time management mastery, and then adding on Lighthouse emotional regulation group, where you have meetings with me twice a month, to go through and rewrite how your brain acts so that it's doing what you want it to do. Instead of just protecting you out of safety. You have a Slack group in between where you can ask questions, and sift through all those nitty gritty questions that feel like you're getting stuck and we work through them. So you're going to leave this three months knowing how you want to have your day run strategy wise, and how to overcome all the frustrations that come with being a mom in an overstimulating world with ADHD. Now, while our relationship is nowhere near unicorn and rainbows status, it is really good. We're communicating better or working better as a team. We're sharing how we feel about things. And I know that I have all of the things that I have done to think for it. And I know that this ability to change the way that I react to somebody that I love. Hands down was the pivot point. So yes, I want you to go to therapy. Yes, I want you to go to marriage counseling, but I can't do either those for you. So what I can do for you, is teach you how to change those automatic reactions so that you don't feel criticised by everything happening in your life. And you can start to sew back into the people that are important to you, including yourself and want to give this gift to you. Because I know that the eight moms who need to be in their next month are out there just waiting for this lighthouse to show up and bring you home back to you. So come join me. It's Bitly forward slash ADHD framework, and I'll talk to you soon successful for more resources, classes and community head over to my website motherhood in adhd.com