Hi friends, Happy Monday. Welcome to another episode of being the CEO of your own life. Today, we're gonna dive into subject that is often whispered in the rooms if spoken at all sex. No, I have no sex expert, I do not coach unsexed or marriage specifically. And yet this conversation shows up in my coaching calls. And this particular conversation I want to talk to you about is urgent. And that's why I'm doing an episode on it. I also wrote an email about it. And I don't talk much about sex at all, in my episodes, but today, I want you because I think is urgent and it's urgent that we started seeing such as a form of communication, and intimate communication. That was one that we can only do with our partners. And in specifically, specifically, I want to talk about the conversation with our intimate conversation with for those of us who have husbands, because it's what I was coaching on recently. And I definitely want to dive into with all of you because I think it impacts many of us listening to this episode. So let's dive in.
I don't know what your favorite drink is, but grab it, and let's chat about why sex isn't just something we do for them, or husbands, but also for our selves, why it's crucial to connect intimately, and why we can't ignore this vital aspect of our communication in our marriages. Is sex part of our intimate communication? The answer is yes, it is a form of communicating. So ladies, let's debunk the myth that sex is only about fulfilling our husband's desires. And is not just a physical act, if you think about it that way. It's time to embrace the idea that sex isn't beautiful as an essential form of communication between partners. Just like a heartfelt conversation deepens your connection and makes you feel like a sense of closeness and belonging that goes beyond physical sex has the same impact. And he goes beyond physical, I want you to think about this for a second. If you are in a marriage, or in a long lasting relationship, and let's face it, sometimes sex gets to be like one more thing we have to do. And often we don't get to do it at all. And if you're somebody who's let sex, you know, go on to silent mode. And it's been months since you last were intimate with your husband, I'd want you to stop and reflect for yourself. How close do you feel for him? But to him right now? What has happened to your sense of belonging in that relationship? Where has your brain gone with thoughts? Are your thoughts about your partner, one of closeness or one of separation? What has felt to your sense of being loved and nurtured in the marriage. This is what I see happening in my own life, but also with my clients. When we let any aspects of our communication gone, the dry mode turned off mode for too long. We begin to disconnect, we begin to think like oh my god, we don't have things in common anymore. I am more frustrated, I'm now keeping tabs. I've done this much. And he's on this little. All the other things start to feel like we're out of alignment, like we're not jiving together as good anymore. And I specifically want you to pay attention to what part of the communications channels have have gone silent. And if that is today, we're talking about sex. If that is sex, I want you to think about what is the impact for you personally, when you stop actively engaging on a regular basis in this type of communication?
Where has your mind gone? I was coaching a client of mine recently who's been married for a long time and she was like the subject of the conversation was like helped me deal with my husband who's frustrated me to No, and everything he does how he does it is just so annoying. We started exploring that like Yes. What is he doing with this officer? And most importantly, what is happening to you? Why are you more and more resentful and more sensitive towards what he does or doesn't do? And we did. It came down to a limiting belief. She was feeling like she was not fulfilling here. his needs and when it came down to it, it was actually his sexual needs. She felt that by the time he was ready to go, she wasn't she was too sleepy, she went to go to bed, their schedules were no longer aligning. And one thing led to another and before she knew has been a month since they haven't had any sex at all, and for her, that passiveness on their intimacy is now manifesting in frustration. So how does that manifest for you specifically? When you stop high, you know, communication in your marriage, how does that manifest to you? And maybe you're having sex every day, but you're not talking? How is that manifesting that lack of conversation or communication. So remember, my friends that our desires, and our own needs and Mater, one of the things my clients and limiting belief was, is like, what I do is to fulfill his needs. And I feel that I am not fulfilling his needs, well comes down to not fulfilling her own needs either. Okay, but often, I think that intimacy allows us. So I feel that in intimacy, we often think that it is the thing that we do for the other person. And not just women, men might feel the same thing. I'm doing this for her, we forget that it's also about fulfilling our own ways of expressing our love, our communication. So I want to invite you to just embrace the idea that sex is beautiful and essential. And that it is there to fulfill your desires is there for you to feel like you'd be long for you to communicate, it is for you, for him for the marriage is a powerful way to affirm our love and our commitment to our husbands to ourselves. And just notice what happens to your relationship. When you're intimate, not at that moment, my client was like, I fall asleep, I'm like, great, so you have good sleep, what else happens? Oh, I feel that I'm more patient the next day, or I feel that we're more connected, that we're getting along, he does add something. And if you're not aware of what he does to you get into it, like, really get curious about what it does to you personally and to your relationship. This is an opportunity for connecting for bandwidth. So if this isn't working for you, if you're telling yourself this is just for him, I get nothing out of it. I really want you to think about any limiting beliefs you might have about this about sex. Who's sex for? Why is it worth doing it or not? What are your thoughts around it? For those of you who think I just don't have time, it's just so much work, what you're thinking about the wrong way. You're thinking that communicating with your husband is just too much work. Of course, it is too much work. But it is worth it. It gives us great rewards. What are those rewards for us to specifically for your marriage? How can you make it if you have a lot of like, ah, it just doesn't get me. It's not as good for me. You're not as invested in it, like making it work for you. One of the questions I ask all my clients before they, when they sign up for coaching is how are you going to make this work for you? How are you going to guarantee your own success? And what that does is like it stops them from thinking I'm here for audit to give me all the things but they start thinking, ooh, how am I going to make this work for me? Now I have to think about it like this in your own marriage? How can I get into conversations with my husband work? I enjoy the conversation. How can I if sex is something you're not enjoying lately, like things have gotten boring? I don't know why. How can you turn yourself on? Again? How can you turn that button on and be like, hold on, this is here for me. And this is how I get to be engaged in it. So I know that self investigation of like can be daunting to go to what what is my limiting beliefs about sex, but I think is so essential, especially especially when it comes to sex. So let's challenge some of the limiting beliefs that most people have. Sex is only for his pleasure, or is something that we just have to do. And if you put it in the calendar, you tell your husband today is next day. Let's go How does that feel? What does it feel to be on the other side of you? How are you communicating your needs? How are you thinking about this communication? I think it's time for you to break free from any outdated ideas that embrace that make you not embrace your opportunity to express yourself in a healthy way but also that make you be an active participant. If you're always positive about it, how What how does that feel? If you're always saying no? Or if you're always like, okay, calendar like, what does what does it feel to be on the other side of you? How does that feel for you even? How are you engaging in this in a way that is exciting for you? Just like you think about your communication and I coaching is so much my cleanser like how do I address difficult conversations with others? Or my husband? Specifically? How do I disagree with him? We are getting to be arguments, how do I set boundaries? How do I want to feel about sex in general, as a vital part of my life? How am I supplying this need for my marriage, it is a marriage marital need. So think about it. My friends, sex is a language on its own. It speaks volumes about our own emotional and physical connection. And that connection and bond with our husbands. When we engage in intimate moments, we're telling them, I love you, I desire you. I'm here for you. It's a conversation that deepens our bond and strengthens our marriage. Now, I want to, you know, some one of my clients answered back when I sent this email, and she said, I think Hollywood has make us feel that sex has to be wild, and like, often, every day and whatever. That's cool. Notice what you like about that idea of Hollywood, but also know what will notice what is your truth, your reality? What is fun for you? What what works for your marriage. And a friend of mine posted this quote the other day, and I think it applies to good for sex. Specifically, if you want to take the magic out of something, compare it to something else. When it comes to your own relationship with your husband, do not compare it to your friends. They're having sex three times a week, how come on, we're not because you're showing up into this conversation with a deficiency. Versus like, how often do I feel like having sex? How often like feel like telling my husband is like, this is why I encourage you to notice what happens after in your relationship, because that is your leading motivation. Now I feel like we can have better conversations like everything's more smooth at home, that I feel more secure and more confident in his love for me my love for him. And this is where mindset comes into play. You guys, if you haven't noticed yet, your biggest sex ordinate is your brain. It what it is what turns you on or off? It is what tells you you're beautiful and sexy or not. It is what tells you this a very important part of bonding or not.
So where is your mind that? Although I don't coach marriage, I don't coach sex at all. I am not the person to coach you on anything related to your sex life.
I do coach mindset. And that's why I thought it would be interesting to have this conversation here. Not what is your mindset around sex? Is this something you have to have? How will you what will change if you feel like I want to I'm excited to what will be the elements that also will need to be set spoken only for you to be excited? If you think of sex is a language on its own, what language do you speak? In it? How well do you speak it? How well has it been understood by the other person. During a coaching call with me specifically accent they are sex coaches out there and marital coaches and I encourage you if you are finding like you have issues in this area, maybe explored those coaches, if you're not like a regular, you know, human like me where you're like, Ah, so it's a pendulum, sometimes it goes, sometimes it doesn't. And you want to keep working on your own mindset around how to give this you know, doors of communication, communication open. One of the things that can happen in a coaching call is that you get to understand your own limiting beliefs and you can challenge them and replace them with empowering thoughts and make you feel like oh, this is for me. Right? It's a way of nurturing my relationship my partnership. I for the purpose of this one episode, I just want you to notice, I want to not notice I want you to know that it's urgent, it is urgent that you pay attention to your joy to your form of communicating with your husband. If you think sex is nothing is just nothing. If you have limiting beliefs that just make you feel like Oh, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not sexy, and you got to address those thoughts. First. It's not a relationship issue is a huge issue in how you view yourself and how you're viewing this form of communication. And I want to invite you to urgently see sex as a form of communication. Every relationship dies without communication If I leave for two months, and I don't coach her for two months, what's going to happen to her coaching relationships gonna dry? Seeing your husband every day, holding hands, while going for walks, having coffee is all like having actual conversations or form of communication, and so is sex. And again, is not just for them is for you and for them. And is your job to make yourself the as involve? How am I communicating myself? What's my form of communication here? And what happens after and how can we improve? How can you openly talk to your partner about these things, too. I love this coaching call with my client, because at the end of the day, she's like, Oh, my God, all I wants to feel connected to him. And all I'm doing is coming up with all the reasons why we couldn't write. Often we think the problem is big. And then we notice, I know it's not that big. It's not that actually big. It's just a change of mindset. And just for the record, this client talked to her husband, and he had like, in her mind 180 change, but truly all, the only person who changed was herself. But she stopped seeing sex as I have to supply his needs. And she became engaged in it as like, this is good. For me, this is good for our marriage. And actually deep inside what I have in my heart is a need to feel connected. And when I let this one go, this form of connection go. I start like creating more separation between the two of us. Remember what my friend Maggie Rogers marital coach said, naturally, people drift away like in the water, we go into the ocean, we naturally will drift away. Same happens in relationship unless we swim intentionally towards each other. So how insects is a form of communication, it's a way of intentionally swim towards each other. All right, I wish I had more tips for you. I don't, I really don't more than just self explore what works for you what's missing, how to communicate and how to make it happen. How to be an active communicator of your own needs, how to be an active communicate of your expression of connection. How to start seeing sex is something that is really good for you that makes you feel like sense of belonging that nourishes your marriage. How can you replace the thoughts that you have that are working against you and your sexuality, to just actually change it for the opposite? It's that to wrap up our chat here on sex, but I hope this was helpful to you. And remember, sex is not just about that it's about us do and our own desires and our needs and our emotional connection. So we cannot ignore it. We cannot neglect it is urgent that we look at it and we look at it enough. Replace it with fear but a place of like curiosity. So challenge your limiting beliefs. communicate openly with your husband and embrace a beautiful language of intimacy. You're feeling overwhelmed or unsure. And don't hesitate to ask for support whether that is from a mindset coach like myself, or an actual sex coach or marital coach. Till next time, I'll see you guys very soon. Bye now.
