2023-08-22 Joy of Compassion (2 of 5) Joy of Attunement

2:58PM Aug 22, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

attuned

joy

compassion

attunement

suffering

conflict

rush

receptive

present

attention

strain

act

relax

aware

tension

compassionate

find

relating

destructiveness

ways

So hello, and welcome to this second talk on the joy of compassion. And I think this is a very important concept that can there can be joy and compassion. And to keep this as a reference point for our compassion is, is a protection from the compassion becoming tense or stressful or oppressive or exhausting. It's can be difficult to be present for suffering and oneself and suffering for others. And part of the medicine for suffering is compassionate presence, care. And for that to be healthy for everyone involved. It has to avoid tension and strain and assertion and collapse and the kind of way of being that is not sustainable because there's exhaustion or and, and so they're just the very idea that there's joy or Well, being, in the experience of compassion puts a question mark next to any other way that we are any strain full or difficult way that we are when we have compassion. And I'd like to believe that the notion of joy, it gets of compassion encourages us to slow down with our compassion, to not be in a hurry to act, but rather to take the time to find a healthy way of relating to the suffering of others suffering of the world. And one of those ways is to be attuned to find a way to certainly be aware of it. And but not just to be aware of it to have a certain kind of openness or receptivity to receive it just as likely would be receptive to receive receptive listener to hear a friend of ours talk about their challenges. The friend doesn't feel that we are we you know, we're reluctantly listening listening or half heartedly listening or, or somehow it would listening in a judgmental way and, but we're just listening and receptive and aware. So in in the same way, we attune ourselves to the suffering of the world, before we act before we rush to, to do something, and because that attunement is the absence of strain and absence of assertion and absence of conflict with ourselves or the others. There can be joy, there can be a well being there can be a sense of nourishment, there can be a lightness, there can be a sense of rightness, even if it's painful to be very painful sometimes to be with suffering in the world. Attunement, maybe you don't feel necessarily joy, but there's something that feels right to be present. There's an openness or relaxed sadness, okay, this is how it is. And, and, and this is also where it's very important to be attuned to oneself. Sometimes with compassion, the idea is that it's all about the other person that we are other people are the suffering out there. And we're not supposed to count. And we lose touch with ourselves in the rush to act or in the rush to be somehow focused on this suffering out there. But it's important to be present and attuned to oneself. And this is where the kind of guideline of dividing our attention 5050. Between out there and in ourselves, allows for actually a greater attentiveness to others than if we just give our attention to others. And the reason for that is we're attuned to ourselves aware here, we tend to overcome the conflicts, the destructiveness, the tightness, the ways that we are, that lets our attention out there, be incomplete, be partial. But if we keep enough attention here for ourselves, we can relax and open up and actually have much greater attention than to others than a partial attention which straining that seems like we're only paying attention to the other person. And so So, rather than it being a loss 5050, like less compassion, less care for others, there's actually more when we are attuned to ourselves as well. And when we learn the art of not being in conflict with anything that's going on inside of ourselves, even those things which are unfortunate or not so wonderful about ourselves, because we've learned to be attuned without giving into it a tune without being pushed around by it or acting on it. So we can make space for how we are. And as we make space for ourselves, we develop the capacity to make space for others, and to begin there, before we rush to judgment before we rush to fix into change. And so this lack of conflict, this attunement, this harmony is a delight. And it just feels so good. It's kind of refreshing to be in the world attuned. Because, I mean, partly because attunement to self and others, means that the very act of attunement is not a strain. The act of attunement is a kind of opening and kind of relaxing outward and being present and receptive. And here, and it just feels delightful to be alive in this way, and to have this capacity to connect to others this way, and, and so there can be a joy in the attunement and so if we're going to really allow our compassion, to flow out of attunement, then that compassion will share in that joy, share and that lightness or that sense of well being or sense of freedom or sense of, of rightness, I want to give many, many words, not just call the joy, because suffering is so difficult sometimes, that it's, you know, to say that there's joy and compassionate presence for it is maybe too much or not quite right. But there is something that feels that does feel right, a rightness, a goodness, a sweetness a gentleness. So I'm not you know, there's many, I don't know, different circumstances, maybe different positive states are present in the compassionate attunement to others. And these, these positive states can be a nourishment for ourselves, it can have a positive influence on ourselves, and maybe for lucky, nourishment or positive influence the world around us. I've rushed to take care of problems. And in the in the rush to take care of people or something, I don't really show up with the best, the best of how I am. And maybe, for example, I might feel strain or tension. And so that tension comes along and people can feel it. But if I arrive attuned, and without that tension, then my presence, I hope, is helpful to other people to relax with their challenges. And then as we become more and more attuned, and then at some point, we're ready for action, and to do something, but as we did in this series so far, the emphasis is whenever there's a chance, set in set, set, create the foundation for compassion. Don't have a rush to compassion. And, and and then as you're compassionate as you even act with compassion. stay attuned to yourself, to recognize is there joy? Is there a well being? Is there a sense of freedom, because it's so easy to lose it as we get involved in the action and relatedness relating to other people. So the joy of compassion, it's many forms of joy that can come along. Yesterday I talked about the joy that comes with being aware and having an awareness practice. Today, it's the joy that come Excuse me. Today, it's the joy that comes from being attuned and having a practice of attunement. So the joy of not doing something 100% successfully all the time, but the joy of engaging in the process of doing as well so that we there's room for our You know, for our tentative efforts or maybe incomplete efforts or, you know, ways in which we're still practicing and finding our way so

he may or may you find the joy of attunement, The Joy of listening, the joy of staying present and being sensitive to the suffering of others and your own and you might today look around as you go through your day. It can you find occasions where there might be some sense of the joy of attunement in being present and being attuned to others. The joy of being in harmony of not being in conflict, even when there's disagreements. So thank you very much. And tomorrow we'll talk about the joy of appreciation that appreciating others which may be seems like an easier understanding of how there can be joy. But for now, attunement. Thank you.