220620 Melissa's Feedback from Session 2
3:06PM Jun 22, 2022
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Alright, so, hi, Tracy, how are you today?
I'm Melissa. I'm good. Thanks. How are you?
I'm good. Do you have? Are you comfy? Do you have everything you need? Started?
So that's the thing that Laurie really puts her foot down on.
And I don't ask it I don't have strong feelings about it. But sort of the How are you Is everything
okay, kind of caretaking question
I don't think you need at the beginning of a session with an adult, maybe with the kid. And I know you're, you know, a natural mom so that that just probably comes out naturally. But I don't think that you need it. For adults.
Okay, so what would you like to focus on today?
Um, I have a challenge right now because my schedule keeps getting full. So it's hard for people who are doing discovery calls to find time, and it's hard for me to find time to like
and like trying to grow my business. There's just not enough sort of hours in the day. And I keep looking every week and my schedule is suddenly fallen. I'm like, I thought I had time this week. What happens every week. So that's, that's where I'm stuck right now.
Okay. So what I think I hear you saying is that you want to find time for discovery calls, but you're, you've been trying but you your schedule ends up being false. And we haven't been able to carve out the time that I get that right.
So I'm about to expand on that a little bit. But in that one, it was a great reflection. So they didn't feel like he listened fully actively through the whole thing because it started with Discovery calls and then it sort of went to a bigger thing about creation. And when we're our clients sort of balloon out like that it's good to take notice especially because they'd like to talk in the abstract. So figuring out whether they're like concrete or abstract is a good idea. But but I'm about to tell you, this is what I really mean. And then you do a great job of taking that and running with it.
I think I think maybe it's as as I'm saying is I hear you listening, reflected back to me. I think it's more about the time for whatever it is I need. The issue is more on the time rather than discovery call specifically. It's on this way too heavy schedule.
Okay, your schedule is too heavy and you'd like to carve out more time for whatever anything else.
Like I get to the end of Wednesday and I'm pretty sure it's Friday and this has happened for like four weeks in a row. That's not good.
So good job revising that and reflecting back to make sure Now you heard well, that was well done.
So what would you like to walk away with today?
Just first step. I don't expect to solve the whole problem today but a first step in the right direction, which I don't know what direction that is yet.
Okay, so a first step in the right direction toward carving the timeout
toward how solving the problem yeah.
Why don't you tell me more about that, solving the problem? Okay.
Um, great job clarifying because I just sort of threw that in. And that was sort of different than the first step. So I love that you're asking to clarify is what are we actually working on? And nice job with the outcome question too, by the way.
So I think it's a bigger deal. I think it's a mindset shift. Right? I think I'm probably working for a place of scarcity instead of abundance. So I don't expect to solve that in 20 minutes. But what's one small concrete step I could take? It wouldn't be too disruptive like and go, Oh, my gosh, I'm changing everything. But we but was free up, you know, an extra three hours a week, five hours a week, you know, like an hour a day or half, half an hour a day or something like that. Just a mini like baby step in the right direction.
Okay. So what I heard you say was that you recognize that it's, in speaking that it's maybe a mindset shift and that rather than working from a place of scarcity, you want to broaden and and take a baby step toward reaching the larger goal? Yes. So if you were to take a baby step how would you be able to measure that? How would you be able to know by you know, by the time we're done talking that you that you have used the word concrete that you have a concrete baby step?
Okay. So that would have been a good place, because I could see that you were forming the question. As you said, if you were to take a baby step, so instead of forming it out loud, and we ended up with like two questions, take a minute composite in your mind, decide which question you're gonna ask and just ask that question. So you got at the thing, but just do it more clearly.
So I think maybe just that, like the fact that I can think about this till the cows come home and I can come up with ideas, and I haven't actually changed anything yet. So when I when I have something that is that I feel comfortable changing. Right? So it says it's a concrete step. Like you said, it's a concrete step that I'm actually going to execute.
And why do you want to execute this and why is it so important for you to do this?
I think I need to get the ball rolling in the right direction. Like, why don't I want to execute it? It's
another one. Yes. Two questions. Just pick one.
Because I need to start this mindset shift. I can't keep doing what I'm doing is not sustainable for me. I edging toward burnout like I saw a little thing with a Venn diagram between burnout and depression. And I checked all the boxes and all the circles and I was like, I could and because I can't grow if I don't have the space to do the things I need to grow.
What do you mean by grow?
Like right now I have individual clients. Great clarifying
question. Could be so many different things. So great job, asking what you needed to know to help me go in the right direction.
And I love that and I have a couple of other gigs like teaching and I'm going to be on the race University coach bench this fall and you know a couple a little bit into facilitating a Tesla. So it's all a hodgepodge put together but in terms of like individual coaching, which is where I really want to be that part needs to grow I need to get my name known in the circles that I want to be known in. I need to be presenting I need to be I want to grow into organizations. Okay, so I need something like a lunch and learn that I can offer. I need to be having conversations with people into AI departments and HR departments that are decision makers, and I haven't pursued I've been saying that since the beginning of the calendar year and I haven't done any of it. I just feel like I'm constantly running to keep up and not quite touching up that set.
And so that leads me to ask you, what do you think is getting in the way of you acting on it?
Fear here I worry that
I stop there holding the silence and union held it that I have to hold it that long. Because I went oh, that's not a helpful answer. But you held the silence and I filled it and I get clarified.
I restrict my time in some way. It's going to be just the time that somebody needs a discovery call and I would have gotten the job except they couldn't get through till next week and they pick somebody else first. Or does that mean that's a big part of it? I allow things to creep in like I've tried blocking off time. Like an hour a day. It's just mine. Last week, I think I managed to twice and it wasn't at the time I scheduled it. It was at the end of the day instead because things creep I'm the president of ICF Austin right now. So that's a bunch of unpaid work. And I just got in so we're doing all the setup and the detail work. So there's just there's there's things that creep was the question with my fingers getting in the way.
Okay, so let's, let's talk about that for a minute is would you say that that fear is over real thing, or a story that you possibly could be telling yourself?
That's a great question. Um I am gonna have to send you something after the recording. And I think it's, it's hard to tell when you're in it, right. When you're feeling the thing, it's hard to do the step outside and see what it is. I mean, when I meet with my friends, because I have a couple of people that I meet with weekly or monthly or every other week, that kind of thing. And they say what's been going on for you and I tell them what's been going on for me and you know, my especially a couple of friends I have in a mastermind that I'm in who are ahead of me in business right like they're they've had their businesses for longer and they're much more developed and they're like, you're doing awesome like at a year basically restarting your business like it's incredible how much you know, attention you get when you do post on LinkedIn, that that you are having all of these gigs come your way, all of that stuff and you're doing all the things you need to do. Like it's fantastic. So there's a way in which I have evidence that the fear is a story. And also I don't have enough evidence. I don't have evidence that's convincing me enough yet. Other people's opinions only go so far.
Well, what what sort of evidence would would that be? What would that look like?
So great. Question. The first question didn't need the second question. was a great question. In that
moment, though. It's like the catch 22. Right. I have to actually try having an abundance mindset and having my schedule reflect that mindset to get the evidence that I need in order to shift the mindset to an abundance mindset and change my calendar. So like, there's my catch 22
I know what you'd have to do to get that mindset.
So this has happened a couple times. Make sure your client is done with their whole thought, especially your introvert clients, because we take an extra second to make make sure to let your client have the space for the whatever the whole thought is. Before you ask your question before you jump in.
To shift that mindset, what would you have
the evidence but I don't have that until I can I stop that partway through but that was two questions that are again, pick one. They're good questions. The only one of them
is like that's Yeah, exactly. I'm just stuck in that circle.
A lot of people say like, believe me again, yeah.
yourself and you've got this or like, you know, you got to and I'm like, I don't I do evidence. I don't do faith. Not very well. Okay. So
if you've done evidence, if that's the way that your mind works with evidence, take it in, leave it. However that works for you. How could you picture that? How could you get that evidence?
So if we were mentor coaching, like, you know, one to one right now, I will be pausing this and saying, What's one question you could ask there. I felt like you were kind of working it out as you went along, which is understandable. But take a second before you ask the question. compose it in your mind and decide what exactly want to ask and then just ask that one question. So simply, in this case, I think all you needed to ask was, how could you get that evidence? Or what would that evidence look? Like? Something along those lines? real short? gets to the point.
What would be convincing? Oh, can I get convincing evidence? No.
Actually, it's two questions, right? What would be the good the evidence and how could you get it? So in stalking the questions like I'm there working through both of them, and you don't want your client you want to ask your client exactly what you want for that moment. And maybe that next question comes next or maybe they say something that takes you in a different direction. So yeah, one question.
Is a good question. I don't know it'd be convincing. applets. He asked me another question around that.
Well, if if you were to ask a friend I mean, if this were a friend, right, and and what sort of evidence do you think they would gain and I say it like that, because sometimes when we take ourselves out of it, it can be helpful to look at it from a different perspective. Like what resources do you think another person could access to get evidence that they would need?
I mean, I'm just broken record at this point. But the first question you asked was a great question. You know, if this were a friend of yours, what would you say to them or what? What evidence would be I don't remember that was the question but you asked a question period. And then you said, and the reason I'm saying it is, you don't need to explain yourself to your clients unless they ask. They Don't Really Care About like that. Where are you coming from? What's that about? If they get confused and they need it? They'll ask for it. The doing that and then by the time you got to the end of that you were asking a different question. So that's about what first one question stop.
And it would have been great.
I think I still answered that question.
I always forget that question. It's such a good question. Okay, so I'm thinking about us from if I ever wash and she's been one of the people that's just been like, so supportive and cheerleading. And if we had to switch places, would I be the same? Yes, I'd be like that's pretty awesome. So what would she need to keep moving? Safety Net. I need a safety net, or plan and things like that. And what
so that was a great holding of the silence while I thought it through. I think he did a great job of holding that container. From the look on my face. I might have had more thoughts coming. So a little more space here. Probably would have been great a lot of one of the really easy ways I can tell my clients are done is that they've been looking away while they've been talking to me and then they come back. And it's like, Okay, I'm back in the world. So check for that.
What kind of a thing what did that mean?
Do you still think in there? Before before I'm processing your question.
Any financial financially, financially, I'm I don't feel stable. Oh, this is I knew the both of these things, but I hadn't connected them. I hadn't felt stable, but I really don't know how to anticipate what could come in. How to plan my finances. What I'm actually making really like in how much you should be able to draw out how much I should be putting into RE education and professional development, all that kind of stuff. I don't really know where to start, but I've been thinking about contacting a financial planner of some sort to help me through that. I hadn't connected it with abundance mindset.
But I think I use that word you that was one of the first things you
so this is great, because what you were asking spark my brain to make this new connection. And also right there i i wonder as a coach, what I would have said if I would have been able to keep going. So make sure you're allowing that space for the plot to fully finish
up with this mindset and coming from a place of abundance.
So I think it may be a lack of knowledge of where do I actually stand right now? Maybe the evidence is there waiting and I don't know how to access it and that's where I needed to help.
Okay, so what would what would you have to do to find that person?
Well, when I did my taxes, I finally got somebody to do my taxes for me this year, which is like I know I was like, I'm a grown up look at me. I contacted a couple of different accountants that I was referred to, and one of them was like a like a big service a big a big firm here in Austin. And they said, you know, we could do it on an extension because you were referred in, but you know if that is that's not going to work for you feel free to contact us later to like set yourself up for next year. So I think I need to take out that email and see if we can do that and also see if there's financial planning services attached or they can refer me to somebody working with us in Indiana, so I don't think that referral is going to come from her very easily.
Do you anticipate anything getting in the way of you being a being able to access that email and get started?
So ask an open ended question instead. Right. What could get in the way of you getting started there?
Just need to write it down. So that I remember that's what I want to do. Doing it right now. I put my tasks on these individual erasable index cards and prop them up in like a little card holder. So they're always
good. Wow. I didn't know that was a thing. I thought of
Facebook. Groups people were they were talking about the card part. The reusable cards already knew about this in my notebooks. But it's really been helpful until it gets to full and then I'm like that take them all off. We're gonna start over. So
it was great. They gave me the space to in that moment write down on my task card because I said that's what I needed to do. The cards are called by the way cloud cards and they are made by rocket book just to salvage
because it was crystal Ray financial planning. Okay, so that makes sense. I have to know where I stand before I can know where I can go.
Okay, so when you want to just sort of check in with how we're doing with it. When you started this session, you you said that you wanted to find, you know, it solved the problem of finding space in your schedule. And you discussed talking about switching up your mindset a little bit, which led you to sort of come to a moment of realizing that maybe this is more about understanding where you are financially so that you could possibly have some evidence that the fear that you've been having around this possibly not necessary. So So I think I hear you saying that you you'd like to delve more into figuring out where you are financially before you get to the next step of solving for this space in your schedule. Is that Is that right?
As you're saying that in because we have seven that was a great
reflection. And I'm about to like open another can of worms I believe so sorry about that. But that was an excellent reflection and summary of what we've done so far. Good work.
As you're saying that I'm thinking myself Okay, when am I going to carve out time for like meeting with them? And for reading you know, I'm sure we have homework. My Quicken isn't up to date. I can't. stories I need to attach receipts to things, all that boring stuff that you know my ADHD brain has no desire to do. But I'm going to need time to do this. So I still have the time issue. But it's less needing an abundance mindset to change the time because there's, it's
it's a finite situation. It's a project.
So you were right there and let your client finish their own sentence unless they ask for help.
And it's I can't I can't figure out how to describe what I'm thinking.
It's a concrete thing. It actually is growing the business but like it's in a way that I know that the result will be used better. I know the result will be useful. Whereas just freeing up time or time blocking or whatever, to me is like I don't know, let's try that and feel good. Because that's what we do a lot of the time.
So that was a great space where you did to hold the space and you could did let me figure it out and you can actually hear it like I'm working. I'm working and working. And then I was like that's it. Here it is. And you saw my eyes returned to you. So that was a good work. Good. Good piece of work there. Just being holding that container.
Oh, so why don't you tell me what exactly. I know you wrote down you know that you're going to make the call. But why don't you tell me what your first beginning steps are going to be and where you'd like to take this new knowledge
so to dig out the email, I need to email them think I need to keep trying to find time in the day for me. Trying to keep blocking it off it worked. Even though I didn't do it in the time I blocked off I still journaled twice last week. I'm always telling you how to journal. I don't always do it. Don't tell anybody. Yeah. So I took it I journaled twice last week which is good for me. So I think I need to keep putting it on my calendar so I keep remembering that's what I want to do. Even if I do it at the end of the day.
I didn't do it yet. Again. That was a great space that you held on while I was figuring it out and working it through. So good work there.
Because I was like Well, that didn't work last week. That's not true. That's an all or nothing thing. I did journal twice, just not in the space. So maybe your progress
so so you want to put this on your calendar to make time for yourself. When are you going to put it on your calendar
great job making me do it in a concrete way. Nice work.
Calendar is a hard week like every other week I facilitate down at Tesla and it's because we have the Tesla Giga place here. Now. I facilitate leader development from like eight to three on Tuesdays and eight to 12 on Wednesdays because then I come home just in time to teach my x class. And it's about an hour away. So my Tesla weeks I'm exhausted like most of the week because I get up at like I gotta leave here by 645 630 to get there. Yeah, and curly hair doesn't set itself up at night. Let me tell you so that makes it extra challenging. But what am I seeing here? See, and here's where we go. I only have a few places where I'm available for people to make appointments this week because of Tesla. So like I just opened my Calendly up to 6pm instead of 5pm I don't want to take the time back from it. Their views should
sort of that same
excuse my language. And thank you for letting me sort of work through this verbally. Good work
in that we started with in the session and you listed a whole lot of things that you're doing right now. A lot and it's making me wonder, you know, you talked about wanting to grow the coaching part of the business. It's making me wonder what you might have to not give up but focus less on that even that what would have to what would you have to give up to make that time? The question, trying to
think it's a great question. Again, stop and think decide the question and then ask it but you're but the you know, the basic what you're getting at in the question is great
out of my mouth so really, I have never in my life been good at corralling myself. Like when I was little I had extracurriculars five days a week and Saturdays. I still asked my mom if I could take ICICI lessons and she was like you literally have no time it was not like so this is how I'm built is I can do all the things all the time even though I know actually it's probably not true, but I haven't had enough evidence to teach me otherwise yet. Because I usually can pull it all off.
And yeah, you came to the session with this problem.
What Right? Um, I think maybe fewer, I think,
great job pointing out my own contradictions. That is one of the great things to do with a client as long as you have a good relationship like we do and like it's okay to do that. But the number of times they say one thing and then 20 minutes later say the other thing. And it's like okay, so I'm and I usually go with Well, I'm confused, because we were talking about this. And now you said this and those things like can you reconcile them for me or make them a line or something along those lines? So nice call out there.
How well the colleague calls because I'm looking right now and I've got it this one's a colleague call. I'm talking to like four people this week, which is a lot. I mean, it's not you're talking to for people to speak but are new people that are not going to be clients. They're just colleagues and I know that we need to like, you know, I see that as spreading your network and it's really important and a couple of them are like doing it because they need something for me as opposed to like a chair. So I want to be generous. Because that's part of the mindset, right? Because like, right, I don't want to be stingy and also, I don't want to be like like one of these Friday at four o'clock. Just just go ahead and open. So maybe I need to corral that a little bit.
And when Could you start to do that?
Also very good question very practical.
Next week. I don't think I don't feel like I can cancel on people this week for no good reason.
Okay, so if you were to do that, how much time do you imagine that would free up for you to be able to maybe an
hour a week? So that was a great question. Because I when you asked it, I remember thinking, well, that's not the most effective change I could be making. Like, is it even gonna free up our week? So that was an excellent question, even though I don't think I've said all of that to you at the time, or to an hour a
week. It's not a lot but it's a step. baby step. Yeah. I don't like the other things I have on here are either clients or I act, or the kind of phone calls that fill me up. Because I have like three of those scheduled a week with people who we support each other and it's it's like I would be wouldn't go well if I didn't have them. I think maybe I have to have different expectations for Tesla weeks and non Tesla weeks for some reason. That's never clicked before. That may be true. So
okay, and knowing that and we haven't learned if that though, knowing that. What could you do with that information?
So that was great. You held the space while I was working it through. And then you asked a question that really is sort of a generic question. It could have gone to anything, but it was the great sort of, Okay, keep it rolling question
that can help me rearrange my thinking about how much am I going to get done in a day? Because I'm also constantly disappointed in myself. So like, just recognizing those days, you're gonna be tired. You can maybe do one meeting afterwards, but like don't expect huge progress. Those days are kind of a wash in terms of my stuff. Just how it's gonna be okay. Okay. So I'm gonna
write so what do you Why don't you just briefly tell me what you're walking away with this session?
A lot of different thoughts. So I think you're doing the right thing and checking in on basically, outcome. I find that asking the question, what are you taking away from today? Often gets me an answer that is not necessarily just the plan, or like walk me through what's going to happen the action steps when so we do that first. And then I'll ask, so what are you taking away from today? And
so with the plan we just talked about
it, okay. And sometimes people say something much deeper or much more themed across the whole thing or some awareness but they hadn't verbalized yet. So, I've really started asking that question a lot more and getting some very interesting answers that people go like, Whoa, I didn't know that until you asked for that kind of a walk. So I highly recommend that it's not a requirement that I should recommend it.
And walking away with like, let's get the financial planner that actually is the next step. It's not like some nebulous thing I should do. It's actually what I need to do to understand what to do next. That's a big one. But I hadn't connected those two things before. And I'm going to keep putting finding time on my calendar to put in my little red block for me time so that it reminds me that I want to do do some me time at some point in the day even if that part gets creeped into. So those are two things.
Okay, and I thought I heard you also talk about shifting your mindset. And that was something that you and I know that that's the bringing in the financial piece of it.
Yeah, I don't feel like I can focus on changing my mindset because I don't have steps for that. It's a big issue a more I know I need to do it, but I need more support and I don't know what that looks like yet. Right. But
you You gained an awareness of that which was yeah, that was what I heard. Okay. It sounds like
Okay, so this I think we talked about this yesterday. I think it was a valiant effort to sort of tie it back to the big thing and tie it back to the thing I started with. And also when I said Yeah, I don't think it's that's a thing right now. I wouldn't, it sounds a little bit like you're trying to convince me that like but do when you're trying to convince your client you're probably not in a great space. So you bet. Okay, so that's something for later session. Well, you know, we can keep talking about that. Yeah, but it was valiant effort decided and I just went man.
Do you have more than one little baby step? And that's, yeah, that sounds exciting. So thank you.
Thank you so much, Melissa. Thank you. And I will give feedback on a recording because it was really distracting. Try to write my notes while I was being a client. So hopefully we'll have enough people next week that we want you to do that. High gallery view.
Yeah. So overall, I think you have
you're pulling on some good
threads and your construction. You're pulling out some good threads. And you've got some helpful questions all the way through like the number of times I said good question. It was a lot of times. I think the next step is to make it and question each time, right, decide what you're gonna ask. Ask it, let it sit. So that and also making sure that in sometimes you do a beautiful job of this and then sometimes there's some room for improvement around letting the space be letting the person complete the thought making sure they're really back with you. I know that's harder for our extroverts than it is for our introverts thing. But yeah, because there are a few times where I'm not I wonder what I would have thought of if I didn't quickly divert to what you're asking. So that's always a fun thing to like, make sure the thought is exhausted. And what do you get to work from now but you did the opening times was beautiful. The cleaning was was pretty much there. I think we missed the What support do you need to take these baby steps that would have been helpful. But overall, it was a good session and I'm personally grateful because that really did move me in a good direction. How I emailed them.
No, but it's gonna
be my next task. So thank you so much. recording stopped