Ep. 29 - edits needed

LaKia Williams23min

LaKia Williams

00:00

Welcome to Black Feminist Rants where we center conversations on reproductive justice and activism. I'm your host LaKia Williams, and let's begin. Welcome back to Black Feminists Rants and welcome to the first episode of the new year. This year is definitely feeling like a year of beginnings and fresh starts. And I know everybody says that every single year, but for those who don't know, I recently moved to Oakland, California on December 30. So I literally brought in the new year in a whole new environment, whole new job, whole new space. So it was definitely feeling like, I hate to say it, but new year new me. Okay, um, and while my move and new opportunities feel really aligned with my future goals, both professionally and personally, I still hate change. And even though you know, I've moved around a lot, if you know anything about me, you know, I've lived in several places. And then of course, COVID brings so much unexpected change and heartbreak. I feel like myself, and honestly, all of us are really well adapted to change because of COVID. I still hate it, I still hate change, even though this is change that I sought out, you know, just to develop more and like grow into the person I want to be. I still hate the growing pains of change. But I'm also just like really excited for what the new year is going to bring what the new environments gonna bring, and just kind of seeing what my journey will be like. And so this episode is not going to be long by any means. It's kind of like scripted, like I've written out some notes, but I'm just going to be kind of talking, I really just want to put on episode four, you know, the 2222, you know, the angel numbers, just putting in some good energy and some manifestations, honestly. But I'm also going to be talking about not only myself, but kind of like my hopes and like my reflections for like, what liberation looks like for people, you know, worldwide worldwide. But you know, specifically centering black people and black women even more specifically. And I started thinking about liberation more broadly, as I was thinking about the changes that I've made individually, and how I feel like I'm in the process of outgrowing my old self, the self who was so used to so accustomed to academic and professional affirmation, that it had really became my entire personality. And odds are if you're listening to this episode, it's because you know me in an academic or professional capacity, and so much love and praise for me came from the work I did in community, the things I accomplished, or the goals I set. And while I love that and don't stop. And I really appreciate it. And it really does help with, you know, imposter syndrome and just, you know, existing in this world as someone who has marginalized identities, it still is a little bittersweet, because where's that same love and support for us when we're just existing. And I have a friend, her name is Juju and I, she was trying to teach me this in a very careful way, while I was in college, and I don't remember her exact words, or what she said. But I do remember her trying to get at this, to me kind of trying to tell me how, you know what I do on what I accomplish is not the end all be all. And that's not where all of my value comes from. But like my value comes from just existing and the people that I impact and the people who I love and just existing you know, it's not about accomplishing things, I could go on the rest of my life and not accomplish a thing. And I would still be valuable. And I think she and this is all I haven't spoken to her about this. But this is all kind of my assumption. But I think she maybe tiptoed around that conversation or was very careful around it. Because especially we both went to the same college, we went to a PWI in the south and she did organizing work she was year older than me but she did organizing work on campus as well before me, and kind of I'm pretty sure got a lot of that, you know, oh, you're doing great work and kind of affirmation and accolades around the work she does, in similar ways that I was, and I felt like maybe she saw the reckoning that I was gonna eventually have because she already had it, and how you pour your, you pour so much of yourself into something and feel like you get so little return. And then you kind of wish for, well, if people supported me and you know, spoke these great things into me, as an individual and as just a human being just a person as much as they did as you know LaKia the organizer or you know, Juju the organizer, then maybe I wouldn't feel like I had to be productive and do so much in order to you know, be valued. Sorry, that was really convoluted

LaKia Williams

04:56

woopsies I got off from my point but I think the reason that she tiptoed around it is because when you identify so heavily with your accomplishments, when someone tries to tell you that your accomplishments aren't the end all be all, it can sometimes elicit a defensive reaction. Because we're, we're told that that's how we're valuable. That's where our value comes from. And then if someone tells you, Well, no, that's not where your value comes from. It's like, mm what do you mean? I've done, I've done this dadadadada, even though I would have never reacted like that. I definitely understand where like the caution comes from. And I'm bout to text Juju and talk to her about this, because I've been reflecting on that conversation we've had, I don't even know if she remembers it. But it's been making me think about how I feel like black girls are only loved when we are trying to save the world. So many organizations and companies say they support black girls and women and people. But that support for us goes only as far as we are marketable for them to funders. They support us for the media hits and the grant making, but in real life, in actuality, we are overworked, underpaid and disregarded. It makes me think a lot about if you know, "listen to black women," "trust black women," "black lives matter" wasn't trending and popular now. And didn't you know garner news articles and an uptick in funding, how many of these so called allies and organizations whether black-led or not, would really be here and community supporting us? They can throw us pennies to do work and organizing and activism and community. And then they use our success to put in reports for grants and make 10 times that amount back. And while this is a systemic issue, at the grant making level and the funding level, it still impacts people on the individual organizing grassroots level. People in the C suite at these large, very corporate-like nonprofits are going to be paid well, but the people are in community doing a bulk of the work, not all of the work, but a bulk of the work. We are always the last thought. It's hard not to think of freedom and liberation on a macro level, but it really happens on an individual and community level. The impact we have on those we are most connected to are so much deeper and impactful than the impact most of us can make on large groups. Yes, we can inspire and educate tons of people. But we can actually change the material conditions of the people closest to us. And that's something I've been reflecting on with BFR. Now, BFR isn't some super large platform. But I do think through this platform, I do share knowledge with people and maybe inspire them and maybe they learn a few things. And while there's you know, a large number of people who may tune in to each episode, that impact is minuscule, minuscule, minuscule, compared to the impact that I could have, like on my little brother, on the black women who are younger than me who look up to me, the ones I know in community, the ones I've gone to school with, the ones I've grown up with, what I can do, and the support I can have on them is so much deeper than any inspiration or knowledge I can share through this platform. And while I love this platform, and I'm going to get into that at the end and I think inspiration and education is so important. And y'all know I'm a Dorothy Roberts stan, any chance I get I'm tweeting her, I'm DMing her whatever. And she has impacted me so much. But still, the women in my life like Christian Adams and my mom and all the black women in my all the women in my life, they're all black, but um not all of them. You know Claire, Dr. Claire Daniels from Tulane, those people can have so much more of an impact on me than Dorothy Roberts ever could, because I'm in community with them. And I think even that mindset of we have to touch the most people possible is a byproduct of capitalism. More is better, more and more and more the more people who I can reach the more people I can get to tune in and come to my trainings or listen to my podcasts or watch my YouTube video or read my blog post or whatever avenue or medium you use to do the work that you do. We think the more the better. But that's not true. The deeper the better.

LaKia Williams

09:43

If I have three people who I know I can impact and I really show up consistently and support them and support them getting to a place in their life that they want to be in and just pouring into them. That's going to mean so much more than me growing the BFR audience by 50%. And it's wild to think that even within social justice spaces, even in spaces that are anti-capitalist, anti-imperialist, and we know all the stuff we know, you know, all of the atrocities of the US and other, you know, global empires that we still are subconsciously, unconsciously, chile, I don't know. But anyways, that we are still like, permeated with, like these concepts of, you know, grind culture and capitalism without even being aware. And honestly, as I'm recording this episode, I'm actively reflecting, and how, okay, gotta grow the Tik Tok account, got to grow the Instagram account, got to grow the Spotify listeners, got to grow the platform, because that will be a signal of success for me. And I need a signal of success to feel validated and to feel valued. That whole process from start to finish is bound up in this concept of capitalism. My value is bound up in what I'm able to produce, and the more that I can produce, the more valuable I am. And it's hard to get out of that process, right? Because the more we produce, the more we congratulated even by the people that we're in community with who are anti-capitalist who know about all the systems and all the isms. And that goes back to the convo I was having with Juju. Of course you want your friends and your peers and your mentors to congratulate you for doing, for accomplishing something, and they should, and we deserve to get praise. But I feel like at least in my life, so much of the praise has been centered about what I've accomplished or produced, and not enough on me just existing. And I felt like that's what Juju was trying to do. And I think that's something that more of us should do. Actively all the time. And I'm gonna be honest with y'all. I'm type, I'm a little type A my friend Kayla says that I think it's because my rising is Capricorn. I don't know I get confused. I don't know one's Capricorn, one's cancer. I think my rising is Capricorn no my moon's Capricorn. Okay. She says because my moon's Capricorn that means I'm type A. I'm a little type A. So I'm not gonna front like, Oh, I was going to let go of wanting affirmation and congratulation. No, still congratulate me. I like to hear that. My love language is words of affirmation. But while I can still enjoy hearing congratulations and affirmation, I don't need to tie my value to it. And that gets me to my next little topic topic. For 2022 and eternity, I am hoping that black women and people have lives centered around pleasure, especially us in movement work. Our lives get so focused on the work that we're doing. I'm not saying the corporate girlies don't have it the same. But the difference is, we felt that our work is work towards liberation. And everyone in movement space is going to make sacrifices for work that they feel is liberatory. You know, it's kind of easy to clock out of your nine to five work and for some corporate job that's just like, you know, whatever pays well. But when you feel like your work is the path towards revolution, that is such a quick trap to neglect yourself. And that is the antithesis of revolution. That is the antithesis of liberation, there is nothing liberatory about black people overworking themselves, and being underpaid. That sounds a lot like something that happened a couple hundred years ago. I don't know what it is riddle me that. But yeah, we're not overworking and being underpaid in the name of a revolution cuz that's a revolution we don't need to be a part of that is a revolution being sold back to us by the people we are trying to be liberated from Anyways, back to my pleasure piece. I'm hoping for all black people just lives of pleasure and all types of pleasure. And when I first started BFR in the first season, I had an episode with Irma Garcia and I'm not sure if this clip made it into the episode but we did talk about this because she was talking about self pleasure and sex ed, and self pleasure as activism. And I was saying you know I don't masturbate you know, I believe what you say I believe that pleasure is activism but I just personally don't like to masturbate. Let me tell you.

LaKia Williams

14:43

I'm getting my toy at least three to five times a week. I went back home to my mom's like two or three weeks ago, and I was only gonna be there for one night. I made sure I packed my vibrator, my charger, and my lube. I don't want to be caught without it. I think that speaks to a lot of growth. And you know, your pleasure does not have to be masturbation. But if you think that you don't like to masturbate, I just challenge you truly introspect and really see why that may be. It's definitely not for everyone, but odds are probably is for you, and you just don't know it. And there's probably a reason why you are distancing yourself from it. And I know because it was me. But another way that I really want to center pleasure in my life, outside of you know, self pleasure and masturbating, is really just doing things that bring me joy. I'm going to travel, I'm going to eat good, I'm going to take time off when I need it and not when I think I've earned it. And one of the biggest things for me is I'm going to take life slow. I think all my overachievers can feel me when I say we move through life too fast. We race to deadlines, rush to finish one assignment so we can start on another, we finish work to then immediately work on a passion project, we say yes to too many things, and only say no to ourselves. And instead of, and what's really inspired me to really do this, is because instead of telling, you know, younger black girls, or people who asked me, oh, how do you do it all or whatever, instead of telling them, you know, don't be like me, prioritize yourself, prioritize pleasure and joy and connections. I'm just going to do it, I'm just going to live it. And then they will see me living my life in a way that I think all people, especially black women and girls should live their lives. And they won't even have to ask me. And when they do ask me, I can tell them. And I can also just say, and just watch how I live my life, you won't see me, you know, working past five, you won't see me sacrificing, sacrificing sleep to do some work. You won't see me neglecting to, you know, be in community with my family and my friends. You won't see me doing that. Because for me, liberation looks like being present in life, and really honoring what I want to do and what brings me pleasure, and not being overworked and underpaid. It's not an option. Everything I've said connects to freedom. Reproductive justice and the pursuit of liberation is about radical love for oneself and one's neighbor. And everything I've said is connected to freedom. Reproductive justice and the pursuit of liberation is about radical love for oneself and one's neighbor. And so often in movement work, we neglect ourselves and neglect connecting with our friends and families, because of the work we do. But that is the antithesis of liberation. How are we going to overwork and exhaust ourselves in the name of liberation when liberation is freedom from exploitation? We have to be example we want to see in the world. And if we are the people in the movement, who know about the systems and the isms and the oppressions, and we can't even embody what liberation is, how do we expect corporate America and the actively actively racist people to ever get on board? We have to model it. Now, I know this episode is already pretty different from a typical BFR episode, but I also want to just take the time out to explicitly thank everyone who has ever supported the podcast. I didn't have any explicit goals when creating BFR and I still know that we have already surpassed any goals I could have created. BFR and the platform that I've built around BFR means so much to me. And even though it is so much work, and I mean so much work, I have never thought about stopping even as I've transitioned to working full-time. BFR brings me so much joy and watching it grow is just mind-blowing to me. I've grown so much since the first episode. And it honestly blows my mind that people who are supporting BFR back when it first started are still rocking with it today. And there's so many new people too, and so many people sharing it with their friends and their families and their peers and you know, their coworkers I don't know because it's growing so y'all are sharing it with somebody. It just, it's so mind blowing to me, especially because I was like always the one who was just like the motor mouth as my family would call me. Um, I got called the social butterfly, you know, in elementary school, which is so funny because now in real life, I feel like I come off very antisocial very standoffish, but back then I was super bubbly and super talkative and was always told to be quiet. Calm down, like stop talking so much. And now look, people actually, you know, tune in to hear me talk.

LaKia Williams

19:31

I really, this is definitely what do they call it? This is definitely healing my inner child. But yeah, I just really enjoy BFR so much, even though it's so much work like y'all, it's so much work. Actually I'm going to pivot and you know, wrap up this episode. Before I before I wrap up. I want to say if you made it all the way to the end of this episode, you're a real one and I wanted to let you know I'm currently looking for a production assistant. There's more information on the website which I'll link in the description. But it's $15 an hour for five to 10 hours a week for the rest of 2020. And the deadline to apply is March 3. There's no education requirement or podcast experience just a dedication to reproductive justice and love for black people. So like I was saying, you know, doing this podcast, kind of a lot of work. So if you want to come support this work, yeah, definitely apply. Also, if you want to further support BFR, I'm starting to Spotify membership, it's going to be $1.99 a month. And this is really just going to be a space for me to kind of talk more, more so tea. We'll just say tea. Everything's going to be like pseudonyms. How you say it? Pseudonyms? Pseudonyms? And I don't know, I'm not using no real names, nothing. I feel like I'm publicly tied to a lot of different organizations, so I don't speak on much on the podcast-podcast, but on the memberships, I feel like you know, I'm gonna talk a little bit more about some stuff, but I'm still going to keep it cute, we're not going to get too much into too much. And I also wanted to, I have so many funny sex stories, and like sex faux pas and just life things I really want to talk about. Sometimes I'll be looking at the VFR Instagram, it'd be like these organizations following and, you know, EDs of organizations following on their personal page. So like I said, I'm gonna just keep it cute. We'll keep all that discussion on the membership. And if you are an ED of an organization, and you just want to know the tea in a non judgmental way, you can tune in, but listen, you are warned. I don't want no judgment. Okay. Especially not from none of the RJ people. So leave me alone. But yeah, I'll leave some of the description about what the membership will entail, but it'll be two extra members-only episodes every single month. So I know some months I'd be slacking and there's no BFR episode. Well, yep, you're a member, that's not gonna happen, because you're going to get one longform podcast episode, which is 25 to 30 minutes and one shortform podcast episode, which is 15 to 25 minutes. And guarantee each month and also, I do want to talk about like pop culture and like social justice, reproductive justice, black feminism, so I'm gonna be doing a little bit of that on the membership. That'll be like, extra episodes, cuz that's something I want to like practice more, so Imma practice it with the members. Um, yeah. Oh, and also, I'm going to be looking for members to suggest topics for me to talk about on the podcast also. So yeah, that's what's coming up with BFR. But also, if you don't want to be a member, and you just want to support you can donate I haven't asked for donations in like literally almost a year. So you know, Black History Month is about to wrap up. And if you haven't done your due diligence, especially as a white person on Black History Month, go ahead, sign up for it to be a member and then donate and then share and then send the podcast to one of your friends and then pay reparations and then donate to a mutual aid and then fund somebody's abortion and then pay reparations and then DM me and we can think about more things you can do as a white person, specifically in Black History Month, but indefinitely. Okay, thank you for listening this episode. I really love all y'all. Y'all are like the best and I'll see you later.

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