Care of Magical Shippers Podcast Episode 17 - Hagrid Loves Everyone! w/ Phe (Rubeus Hagrid/Anyone)
3:41AM Dec 5, 2021
Care of Magical Shippers Podcast
Hello there, listener! Yes, you specifically. You should know that sometimes due to the things we discuss on the pod, it might contain potentially triggering content. But the good news is, you can always review the episode descriptions for a full list of the warnings applicable to this episode. Oh, and just so you know, this podcast is rated R: for really filthy. It includes adult themes and explicit content. So if you're an adult, buckle up, gird your loins, and prepare to flood the basement, because we are going down with this ship.
[Intro song] You're on the canon ground, I'm up in crackship space. Let's start a shipping war, don't care if I get hate. Don't like my parings? Well, then you can hit the bricks. This is my OTP, I'll go down with this ship! I don't care, I ship it, I don't care, I ship it, I ship it....
Welcome back to Care of Magical shippers! It's a Harry Potter ship culture Podcast. I'm Nathan,
and I'm Megs, and this week we have a special guest with us.
Yes, we do!
It's Nathan and my really good friend Phē, a/k/a Phenomenal Asterisk.
Like on a game show! Hello!
We're so happy to have you. And the reason that you're here with us this episode is because we're going to be talking all about Hagrid, because by the time this airs, it will be his birthday. So synergy! That's what we're about this week.
Happy Birthday, Hagrid!
Yay! Happy birthday!
What did he turn today?
Oh, gosh. Don't ask me!
What is he in giant years? Are they the same as human years?
I don't know. Yeah, I guess him being half wizard/half giant, like, do giants live even longer than wizards do? So then is he like, extra-long living, even though wizards already live an extra-long time? [Laughter] I mean, he looks great for whatever the heck his age is!
I feel like we don't get a proper indication of giant lifespan, because the implication is they all kill each other.
Exactly. I was gonna say, if you go off of life expectancy because of murder... [LAUGHTER] ...homicide, and genocide, I'm like, I don't think that that's an easy telltale of the potential.
So we are talking about Hagrid this week because we were talking about ships, and who we ship with Hagrid, and the conclusion we came to, I think we mutually agreed, was that Hagrid is just such a cool character that we ship him with everyone.
Who wouldn't want to be wrapped in those big furry arms?
I know! I know! Speaking of, I'm already going there because I cannot help myself. So I had a huge Haggard squick, like I could not see him slash anybody, like I just couldn't think about it. I don't know whether it was because of his giantness or what, or the beard, or the fact that he's just like... I just don't know what the reasons were. But I was like, oh, I can't think of Hagrid with anybody. And then -- what was it, last year's Rare Pair Fest? Someone wrote a fic that way.
Oh, my! I wonder who this could be? [LAUGHTER]
Harry slash Hagrid! I don't know what compelled me to read it, besides maybe the fact that it elicited a bajillion kinks that made me go, okay, you have to read this. [LAUGHTER] And that squick is officially gone. And to play off of what Nathan said, literally I think in your author notes is, he says I love you right away because let's be real: it's Hagrid! He loves everybody! [LAUGHTER] You just say it, and Hagrid just loves, but of course part of me is like, he loves Harry most, though, obviously! [LAUGHTER] Oh, gosh, I can't even. What's big and warm and gives great hugs, is that it?
That's exactly it.
Yeah, yeah, okay, so everyone needs to read it, obviously. I just can't even get started on the feelings I had listening to that -- at work -- [LAUGHTER] it was so good. So good. I loved it. So then literally that just blew that away. Now I'm totally fine with the wildest Hagrid pairings and I'm sure we'll get into those.
Well, all those things that you say that would be reasons to be squick from Hagrid, like those are all the reasons why I would love to. [Laughter]
I know! I know!
The hairy, the big... all the good things. [LAUGHTER] And I think, for a lot of people, that's why you want to read Hagrid slash somebody because he's an excellent stand-in for size kink, for Daddy kink, for just big hairy men that want to wrap you in their love kink.
It's super-fluffy, like you could also write him being, I want to be taken by this daddy. But then also he's just so genuine. Like sometimes it's misplaced and misunderstood, but it's, like, he genuinely cares and just wants to love and what's best for everybody, and is very conscious and things and it's....
Exactly. Like in canon. Yes, for sure. That's how Hagrid is in canon, but a lot of the fics that I read before I wrote my Hagrid slash Harry [were] just an excuse to get railed, and none of it was the Hagrid....
They have him destroy someone?
Yeah, exactly. [LAUGHTER]
And none of it was, like, the loving, kind, paternal figure/maternal figure of Hagrid that I love from the books and movies. It was all just like, hey, I want to see THIS. And so reading it wasn't as satisfying to me, because there was none of that emotional aspect of Hagrid. It was just the physicality. And so, again, I wrote what I wanted to read, and I wrote Hagrid with the size-fun sexiness AND the emotional connection. That was what I needed.
Yes. And that's what I needed. I feel like if I had read a different one, it wouldn't have changed anything for me, like exactly what you said. I'm just like, okay, this is just -- it's literally, you know, just porn. Like someone just wants this porn. This giant man.
Which is legit sometimes.
Yeah, but yours wasn't filthy until it was.
Until it was! [LAUGHTER]
It's true, though! It was super sweet and wholesome. Like the end of the war: they're fixing the castle, everyone needs therapy. I mean, it's really deep. I listened. I was rereading it. I'm like, oh my god, this is really heavy. And then all of a sudden, there's Hagrid and Harry there for each other. And yes, physical stuff happens. But it's what's keeping them together and safe and feeling good. And I love that. I love it so much.
Well, I just feel like so much of Hagrid's character is that emotionally wholesome heart-on-the-sleeve guy. I always felt like if Hagrid hurt you during sex, it's definitely accidental, because he doesn't know his own strength. I just sort of... well, I just sort of feel like so much of Hagrid's character is the child that never grew up, or he did grow up to a certain extent, obviously, because he's this big beefy guy, but...
Yeah, physically, but he also is just this incredibly sweet, nurturing, lover of animals. Not in that way. Maybe. [LAUGHTER] But....
Oh my gosh! I love that!
We've already gone there! So okay, anyway, continue.
Anyway, I was going to make a wholesome point, and no one's gonna believe me now. But my point was is that if you need a placeholder for wholesomeness and just genuine, moral, good, and sweetness and kindness, you go to Hagrid, which is why it confuses me in so much fanfic whenever Hagrid is just this lover daddy.
You know, because he has the bike that he got from Sirius, so I can sort of see it as well, and you know, really, who knows what Hagrid keeps in his jacket. You know, that's a fair question.
He puts a lot in there. I mean, he pulls out a freakin' kettle, and chipped mugs and stuff... like, he's got stuff in there. For every occasion.
Ready for anything.
[LAUGHTER] Phē just wiggled her eyebrows, for the listeners that aren't seeing this on Patreon so can't see this delicious video of our faces. But also, in the section that I didn't speak just previously, it's because I was laughing so much at everything that was being said, so if I go quiet in this episode, just know that I'm wetting myself.
Thank you for your honesty, Nathan!
[LAUGHTER] It's what the listeners expect. We've built up a rapport -- people know what they're getting from me. And I feel like I owe it to the listeners to have that visceral description of exactly what's going on with me.
So my question is, should we start wholesome and progressively get worse, or dare I say... start worse? See what happens. [LAUGHTER]
I mean, I think you just go with what you want to say. We'll work with that.
Of course, immediately I just think of literally Episode One when we talk about both 1.) Hagrid and his wand -- like what kind of magic happens.... [LAUGHTER]
Oh gosh, that started everything for me honestly, but when it comes to size kink I cannot get it.... I blame my husband...
Maybe Doc should guest on this podcast one day....
Make him accountable for what he's done!
Yes, answer for your crimes! His many Hagrid crimes! [LAUGHTER] So Dobgrid...[HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER]
The crappiest of corrections!
So I have to know: for Dobby slash Hagrid, is an enchantment put on Dobby to make him sort of equal size or are they....
That would be terrifying!
It would! A giant size Dobby! Oh God!
Those ears! And the face! And the eyes! Just imagine those eyes! [LAUGHTER] You know? Part of me is like, you can see from the aspect of... Hey, it's in Phē's fic. For the longest time Hagrid's like, no, I'm not gonna like... you know, we're not gonna go that far because I'm gonna hurt you that situation and Harry's just like, no I need this, I'm gonna make this happen. So maybe for Hagrid and Dobby it's genuinely physical to the point that they can manage without literally doing potentially fatal harm.
But you know that the House elves have their own weird brand of magic, and you know that they have been... there's no way that they haven't been used sexually in some instances, right? Like they've got their own magical tools and tricks -- you know, their own little toolbox of: okay honey, now that you're going to be a house elf at so-and-so's house, you need to learn... [LAUGHTER] ...you need to learn how to cast lube...
So the talk with your house elf parent is very different from that with a human parent apparrently.
Well, because they already have any number of awkward, morally-ambiguous slave dynamics. That's literally what they are. And we're told that they're conditioned to enjoy their slavery -- they have that Stockholm syndrome. So I absolutely agree that there could be any number of awkward house elf conversations happening around.
So what I'm saying is....
[LAUGHTER] Yes! Continue the point!
Not to have the sad, depressing part of this conversation, but what I mean is, if Hagrid and Dobby wanted to do it, Dobby knows what he's doing. [LAUGHTER]
That's fair. Yeah.
He can make it happen. Whatever he needs to do he is well-equipped to handle the situation.
No, MY bad for bringing it up in the first place!
You can edit this out if you want to, but all I can literally think of now is, [IN A DOBBY VOICE] "Master has given Dobby a cock!"
Yeah, that'll be your little outro [SINGS] duper doo doo doo doo.
Nothing weird was just edited out you guys, we swear!
Okay, I have some thoughts. So I feel like fandom in general a split about being pro-Hagrid, because he's loving and kind and the parental figure that Harry never had, and being anti-Hagrid, because he's reckless and puts people in danger and makes poor decisions, and is a big, stupid oaf-y guy. I feel like both of those things are in canon, and don't know what your thoughts are on, like, where's the real Hagrid?
Especially with fanfic. People will have their personalities and things in canon, and for a lot of us it literally is taking the aspects we like about said character and playing off of that, and ignoring the other side of things. So I can see why exactly that split happens where it is. But I think that there's something to be said about the reason why he is that all-encompassing, because sometimes when you're overly-optimistic, or he's just... I mean, he's relatively oblivious, right? Like he thinks the best in people, to the point of recklessness and danger, but that's just who he is. I'm trying to think like, even though he's probably had plenty of aspects of his life where he would have lost trust in someone. I mean, who knows what potentially his relationship was with Tom Riddle back in school prior to being framed and expelled? And then how did he... You know, you don't feel, aside from him knowing he's Voldemort and being anti Voldemort, you never really hear Hagrid story as far as what trauma that brought to him, having been expelled, even though he was technically kept on and was at school? Well, it reminds me -- here I go -- it makes me think of Snape! Imagine that!
Of course, it does. Continue.
Him staying in the place in which a real trauma happens, like i.e. his wand gets snapped in half and he's kicked out of school. His dad is gone, he has nobody, and now he's just this thirteen- or fourteen-year-old year old kid living in, potentially, a hut at that point? It just seems so unrealistic, and also really sad. And I just want to know what Hagrid, being the extremely sensitive person that he is.... How he was able to go from thirteen to who we see in the books, and that growth, and the fact that he can remain so positive, optimistic, open hearted. Maybe it's a giant thing? Like maybe giants just aren't programmed to have like.... Maybe they have more limited emotional spans, even though the part human will come out sometimes. Like obviously there are times where he's just overwhelmed with feelings, and it's just crying over things that other people would be like, why are you crying about this? I feel like there's just so much to Hagrid we don't know, that we don't see. I'm trying to think, what happened to him? How did he get through that? Was it because Dumbledore did that for him? And maybe he became the kinda-sorta what Dumbledore tried to be for Harry, like being a support adult? I don't know, because he has a lot of love and respect for Dumbledore. I'm not sure. That whole thing is just kind of weird.
Maybe that's why he makes poor decisions because when he has to decision make he reverts to that 13 year old kid or however old he was, at the time when this separation anxiety happened to him. And you're right, really his only adult role model is Dumbledore. And we all know how morally [unintelligible] Dumbledore is. So yeah, he has this love and respect for Dumbledore but it's not coming from a place of the man is morally indefatigable or unassailable, it's coming from a place of this was the only person who was here for me. And that's sad in and of itself. I guess people compartmentalize fanfic characters an awful lot, because they need to have the map to sit and wait for the story that they want to write. Which is sometimes why you don't get characters that are fully rounded out in fanfic, I definitely prefer when they're emotionally complex. I guess that's why you like Snape so much, because he is such a morally gray character. But also there's all of this emotional baggage that's informing his decision-making and informing the way he behaves to people. And I feel like the the same sort of forces act on Hagrid as well. But he just doesn't deploy them in a, you know, a snide malevolent Machiavellian way. He is very much more impulsive, and heart driven, and yeah, that can lead him to be irresponsible and short sighted, but I think I'm in the forgive Hagrid camp for that because if you've never had the role model that says, This is what boundaries are, Hagrid -- this is how you are, this is how you behave in a safe, responsible way. How can anybody be expected to act differently.
And when I think of Hagrid and his relationship with magical creatures, I feel like a lot of that aspect is him trying to find potentially a forced friendship with another creature because it's like, I feed them, they come to me, I have a relationship with an animal. Same thing for pets, it's like we get an emotional bond with a pet that we receive, that's more difficult with a human connection. So I could see him being really lonely, especially at younger times, he obviously finds Aragog and gets him a wife and, you know, whatever. And they're living in the forest. And so he obviously goes and hangs out with his dude Aragog, like, in the forest and whatever. And he helps, you know, take care of the magical creatures and eventually becomes the teacher, which is also really bad, like, just but they're always but they're obviously super good at hiring teachers and Hogwarts. Oh, there we go. But I mean,
the like, keep replaces Professor Kettleburn who literally leaves to, quote, spend more time with his remaining limbs. So, you know, that's not necessarily a very high-profile or esteemed position to be in if, at the end of the job, you could just be like, Oh, well, I have an arm and a leg left. Let's let's make the most of those things.
Time to retire!
Yep! So as much as like, was it a good decision for him to be hired? Hagrid is still really smart. Like, he's got to be because he was expelled from school, his wand was snapped, but we still see him do really advanced magic. He half-transfigures Dudley in the first book, gives him a tail without using words, like he doesn't cast a spell. That's a wordless spell that he does, which is another conversation about Hagrid making poor choices. But the things that he's able to do, even shoot the little boat away from th hut on the rock -- other wordless spell that he just does. So I think you have to recognize that there is a lot of... hmmm... even if it's not like, the common-sense sense of smartness, he still has intelligence and ability, powerful magical ability, especially to even use a broken wand. We've seen what happens with broken wands in the books, they don't work and they [unintelligible] fire. So to be able to make whatever's inside that umbrella work for him? That's impressive.
Yeah. I mean, he's everywhere. So I wouldn't be surprised if literally.... He's kind of -- especially at a younger age -- kind of a lurker, watching and pining for the magical ability of other students, and either of them practicing magic, and then he's like, you know, like, Draco. Draco Malfoy jokes about him getting drunk and setting fire to his hut. Well, maybe when he was younger, he DID do that, not necessarily got drunk, but like, playing around with spells. And then because --
He had to be self-taught. That's the thing he had to do all that himself and figure it out.
What if what if he lived in the castle? And then he kept doing stuff and Dumbledore's like, Dude, I can't keep covering up for you! We're gonna put you in hut on the grounds. [LAUGHTER] Gotta get you away from everybody! [LAUGHTER]
The funniest thing about that analogy in my head is Dumbledore saying Dude. I'm trying to get my head 'round that, but also....
listen "Swagrid"! [LAUGHTER] So, in my headcanon, they go to snap his wand, but Dumbledore does like a switcheroo thing. So they actually snap this fake wand. Yeah, and it's transfigured to look like Hagrid's wand, and then they keep the original wand, but it's hidden in the umbrella. And that's how he can continue to use it.
You know, we know that Dumbledore has the Elder Wand, right? Like, it's the only one that can repair repair wands, so he could conceivably have repaired the broken wand for Hagrid.
OOOO! I can't believe I never put two and two together!
This was a meta that I read on Tumblr don't even....
Oh, my God! Put two and two together!
I never even realized that until you just said it. You're a sage wise guest and you need to come back. [LAUGHTER]
Yeah, Miss like, I only read the books once and I'm not going to know anything and look at you! Look at you! [LAUGHTER]
Okay, because I am a fan fiction reader first and a Harry Potter fan like 12th or something, [LAUGHTER] I felt like I had to do all this research to feel prepared so that I could like keep up with you guys. I read a lot of metas on Tumblr. There's one that I even want to talk about because it's heavy duty.
So you remember that Jar-Jar is a Sith Lord meta?
There is definitely a Hagrid is a Death Eater meta as well.
And at first you're like, oh really? Really? Would you even?
You'll have to like link it in the show notes or something because it is like a heavy-duty takedown of everything that Hagrid has done that shows that he is a Death Eater. I'm happy to go into it if....
Please do! Yes!
Oh my gosh. Okay. [LAUGHTER] I will summarize as best as I can. I don't need this to be like a 30 minute thing. First of all, when he gets to the hut on the rock in the very first book, right, he tells Harry that he flew there. We know Hagrid can't fly on a broomstick. We know Haggard's too heavy for a Thestral. We know he didn't have the motorbike at that time. How did Hagrid fly there? One suggestion would be that it is because he was taught unaided flight by Voldemort, just like he taught Snape how to do unaided flight to, like, fly around. Haggard just says yeah, I flew here, and they don't touch it again.
Well, technically he DOES have the bike because he had it to take Harry at one years old.... However --
It's certainly not there at the rock.
Yes, exactly. But he didn't take it to come get him which would make sense like, Hagrid, my Dude, why didn't you use your damn motorbike! [LAUGHTER]
But maybe the invisibility cloak is thrown over the motorbike --
-- and then left there as they leave? Like he'd have to come back to get it eventually.
Anyway, just one thing to think about, one little facet.
Yes, I hear you. Yep.
Let's see. One more thing would be his casual cruelty to the Muggles, the Dursleys, that's kind of a big deal. And not a cool thing to transfigure someone who was rude to you into a pig because you can. Hagrid says, Yeah, I lost my temper, sorry. But like, really?
Yeah, he's the only one you really see do anything like that besides Moody, who....We know Moody wasn't actually Moody. Moody was a deatheater. So yeah, there you go.
Anyway, some people could say, in the in the argument that Hagrid is a Death Eater, that all of the bad decisions he makes are just bumbling, foolishreally, who's gonna take kids to do detention in the Forbidden Forest. It's like, a death theater is going to take kids to do detention in the Forbidden Forest. a Death Eater is going to let two kids wander away with his cowardly dog to find Voldemort who just happens to be around. Like there's there's when if you do like a careful reading of the books, which is what this guy did was like, hey, I need to go back and see I think I'm looking for something else at the time. Like he was rereading to see snips, redemption story and yeah, like, wait all the stuff about haggard, like, haggard hangs out with moody for no apparent reason. When moody is there, and let's see, even like, at the end in the Battle of the Voldemort battle like he I'm not very good at explaining this. Okay, like seriously, like a 50 page dissertation that he did on this? Oh, I'm sure there are just so many things of like, well, how did he get to the Battle of Hogwarts at that exact right time? He doesn't even fight anybody. He just gets carried away by the spiders. The spiders that were supposed to eat him like he spent all that time in the books after Aragog died like yeah, they're no one should go around there. They're gonna eat you. I don't even know how I got that thing apart like, and then
and he's there with the Death Eaters. I mean, he watches Harry die not that he wouldn't care Yeah, that but
that's why was he even alive? I know it kill him immediately because right Voldemort was saying at the Battle of Hogwarts kill his friend. Keep the boy bring him to me. Whatever. Like, right. He didn't care how many people died. But they didn't kill Hagrid. Yeah. And then even then, when haggard is carrying Harry back to the Hogwarts Castle. Like, why would Hagrid even listen to him? Like pick him up? Put his glasses on, like, show a mock? Yeah, he didn't. She didn't fly off the handle. He didn't do anything. He was just like, okay. Yeah, yeah.
But isn't it established as well that because he's part giant curses bounce off Hagrid
stunners and stuff. Yes, definitely. I don't know anything more about like,
killing curses or anything like that.
I'm assuming it would have to be. You'd have to have several. Shot him at once for that to work. because that I'm thinking of the scene in the fifth book, where McGonigal is stunned by, I think it's ministry employees and Hagrid is
yeah, they're trying to take isn't it haggard they're coming for to like to ask a ban and then she goes out and is like, what the heck you're doing here and they all stopped her. Yeah,
yeah. And her grids been in Azkaban as well, which is also potential deathy to credential and also when Bellatrix bins is hot, doesn't touch him. has ample opportunity to just confront Hagrid.
Yeah Even in like the the seven Potter's flight away like haggard, enormous giant half giant Hagrid doesn't get touched at all like he doesn't get hit. He doesn't all he does is Harry Harry is right here.
Right. Right. Yeah, literally yelling Harry. Are you okay? Are you holding on? Yeah.
So it's just one of those things like whether or not it was intentional. A lot of stuff that you can like,
yeah, that's fun. Yeah, for sure. Even like
how he How did he get to God Rex hollow to get Hagrid to get Harry out of there. Like, why he got there before the Mughals were gathering around like Right.
Oh, and he got and right. Well, because and he says Dumbledore sent him too serious because even serious gets there and he's like, Here give them to me. I'm as godfathers like no Dumbledore tells me to whatever. Like when did Dumbledore tell you what to do with Harry? Or did like Dumbledore somehow find out you were there. And then Hagrid either coming up with some reason like, Oh, I was just in the area and I heard a boom like, like, I don't know, like it's yeah, it's like, what was Hagrid doing? Yeah, why Hagrid? Why Hagrid? Cuz even McGonagall says it's like what? Like really? Hagrid? Why like everyone saying things like why would it why would it be him? So?
But they all everybody has this weird effect around Dumbledore where as soon as Dumbledore trusts somebody that makes them unimpeachable. Yeah. And, and he says something like, Professor, I would trust Hagrid with my life, you know, and we're just supposed to leave it at that like just because Dumbledore trust someone that that's fine. But we also know that Dumbledore doesn't necessarily make good decisions about people. So why are we taking Dumbledore is weird? Maybe there's needs when maybe we need to have a Dumbledore episode where I'll just rant for like an hour and a half but yeah,
yeah cuz I think of him you know, of course Harry over and over and over again is like how can you trust Snape? How can you trust Snape? And he's just like, That's between me and Professor Snape. Like it's just and that's it. Like that's it? It's just like, you know, I mean, yeah, yeah, it's wild.
Well, if you think about how, if Dumbledore is trying to do the same kind of manipulative I want to have him in my corner, even if like no one else knows. Or if he thinks he can manipulate Hagrid or even knows that like knows that haggard is super powerfully magical again. Try using his Wanless wand dish
things. Yeah. She thinks
and wordless magic or in any of that, like if he thinks that he can like yeah, don't worry about haggard. I got I got a I got him. We're cool. So what else? I think the last one that I can think of was just the, again back at God Rex Harlow. Whatever happens to Voldemort's wand. And the only people that were there to have taken Voldemort's wand would have been haggard or serious or Peter Pettigrew.
Well, I think we sort of established that Peter took Voldemort's wand right we know we know that PETA is described happens Gerawan
when you like does literally I mean, I guess your clothes disappear to like, it's just everything that's on you just becomes the animal when you Yeah, yeah,
I don't know. I haven't studied enough. No, no, no, nevermind that that animal dies at a megaton?
I think that the reason it's weird is that it's never consistent, right. And it's inconsistent in the films as well, right? Because obviously, when McGonigal does the transformation in front of all her students, she's not she's not gonna be naked.
Coming back. thing happens with Peter like, he comes with all of his as ratty as they are, but they're he comes with his clothes, but then we have serious come out. Sam like fur coat at King's bots with Harry. It's just like, okay, he's naked under.
Yeah. And also like volta Whenever he comes out of a cauldron he needs to, like conjure robes for himself from because he's, but this is because he's that weird baby that needs to go through the transformation to, like, become an adult again. And I don't think it's ever really established why he needs to because we've talked about this with big black dog before as well where we were talking about like, he needs the snake venom. So they were regularly milking the giving. And that's not a that's an uncomfortable.
Fun job someone had to do. Yeah.
Yeah, but anyway, the original thing that we were talking about was what happened to Voldemort's wand.
But oh, if you think that Peter took it like, but I don't know that Peter was like, would he have gotten up into the room to steal the one that was there in in Godrich Salo in the room where Voldemort was destroyed or whatever,
could he not just have gone like Axio Voldemort's want?
I guess you're right. He certainly could
have. Well, because you think about it if he was the servant who found him, and then helped bring him back. And then obviously, Voldemort, like my wand Wormtail like maybe he did have it with him that entire time. He just, you know, but he was just still in hiding in a kid's bed. Multiple, free proceed to you know, just wild, wild hybrid chips. Yeah, let's go back to Yes.
Okay. Here's one for Well, you got to start with like the basics right. Haggard madam Maksim? Yeah. Whatever the cannon he is one. He found somebody like him and he was immediately enamored. Was there any other like, reasons that he was like, into her? DTF? Except for that she was also?
I don't know, I feel I don't
see. I don't think there were and that's why I have such a problem shipping it. Because if you're if we just go off like personality similarities. People don't tend to go, Oh, here's someone that thinks and acts like me, therefore, I must shock them. So. So to just have someone interested in someone, because they're physically similar, feels off to me, or it fit it felt like an easy out
and feels like a JK choice. Yeah, like, yeah, I don't, I don't know. And, and part of me also thinks, was it like attraction, like romantically? Or was it the fact that one I could have, I could see no, I could see that being like a mommy kink of like the mother that abandoned him that he's finally seeing like a bigger woman coming and him like him opening up his heart being like, I've never met anyone like me before. Like really, really moving him emotionally versus just being like, Damn, look at that, you know, other half Giant Woman, like, I feel like there were a lot of other emotional things at play that were the reasons why he was drawn to her. But I feel like more of it was curiosity, because he's like, it's so unknown to him. He's like, I've never known anyone else like me or probably ever met even a giant before. So I think a lot of there were a lot of feelings that play when she walked into his life.
I didn't think about that. Yeah,
yeah. Needed to die. And it sort of makes that potential relationship even creepier. You got the whole ADA pool thing going on? I hadn't considered that. That's why he was so you know, immediately enamored. But I did like that it sets Hagrid up as a character, who is remarkable. Yeah, has who has romantic feeling and is therefore also just like Harry and Ron and Hermione and whoever else, you know, is also going through that thing at the Yule Ball of oh, I have these emerging feelings. You know, I like that that it made Hagrid emotionally accessible in that way. I just I and part of the reason I don't get there ship is also because we don't know very much about Madame Maxime. We don't know very much about Bo Betar, I'd love to know more about her history and her story. So that if her character was fleshed out more, maybe I would see something between them but she's really only there in the story as a foil for Hagrid and as a plot device to, you know, to get to show hurry the dragons and you know, and Jkr does this where if she needs some deus ex machina solution, she'll be like, Hey, I have a character that can be convenient. plays so so I guess that's why I don't really ship them as hard as I might otherwise. But I do like that because of that. There's Hagrid fanfiction that does interesting things with them. I guess my question would be to the both of you. Are there any 100 pairings that you particularly ship?
Yes. Let me go first.
Okay. Well, I said before I'm an equal opportunity shipper. There's not like there's only one person that they can end up with whatever like, right if you can imagine it, sure, be it you know, if you can dream it, be it just like, anyway. Yeah. Anyway. Thank you. Okay, so here's one. It's a little bit crazy. Go talk to Mike. Oh, the reason why. Why Dumbledore has or the reason why haggard has never been fired is definitely because he and Dumbledore are like
Oh. Two bears? Yes.
Yes. And if there's something else going on, and Dumbledore is gonna, you know, I trust him with my life. Yeah.
He's like great man. Dumbledore. Great, man.
That's why he, Dudley because he's like, You're You're insulting my partner. That makes so much more sense.
Yes. Yeah. crackpot old fool. I'll fool. Yeah. And that's why he attacks his son. Oh, my low. Okay, okay. No, okay. Yes, absolutely.
Yeah, yeah. And then you know, if Dumbledore is helping him out with getting his wand back into his into his umbrella like all these things about why Dumbledore is like, pro Hagrid just you know, just think about
I see it
do I want to see it or
just the things I am seeing at this moment because this conversation is very
sorry not sorry. It's
well think about what's how many times says like either there's like a couple times in the series. What do you think about it when like Harry and them go down to the hut and like double doors leaving? Mm hmm. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like just like oh, yes, we just had tea. We incoming
Oh, gosh. definitely room for shenanigans there. Yes.
Um, de rock cake.
Yeah. What's the rock cake Nate? What's that the euphemism for?
I think he has a couple of them. I think they usually met once
well, this is an episode everybody. Oh gosh
yeah, look the first couple of episodes we tried to be polite about it and it didn't go anywhere so and you know what, you're just getting full Nathan now. I'm not even sorry.
Of course for me. I just I I'm just gonna go Hagrid and Snape. I'm just it makes sense though. It's just it's so good. Like because hacker it's another person who defends Snape. You know when you think about it, like Harry's always complaining around. He's like, no Snape would never, you know, rubbish. She'd never try and kill you or whatever, blah blah, blah. Like and I just I don't know. I feel like at the end of the day, like Snape just needs some Hagrid time. He just has has it brought. He just wants to refer later. I don't
know you think about how haggard sees all these magical creatures that are like prickly and yeah, you know, nobody would love a black. Exactly. And so, you know, when haggard looks at Snape, he doesn't see a cold prickly old man he sees like, you just need some love. And I'm here to give you that lecturing. They're
like the cording story of like Hagrid slowly you know like trying to bring Snape down and him just not having none of it and slowly it's just like and I could just see it he makes me sometimes when I think of Hagrid and like, kind of like plotting or trying to be cute I just think of like Spongebob like making that like smirk face of like it's like you know you want to laugh or I know you want to smile or something like that. instead of just being like, oh my god like leave me alone like you just and of course like he'll call him like an oath but it's completely like endearing and that and oh yeah no I totally I totally see see them just of how ridiculous it is and but I love it. I love it. Just, yep Snape with his
ad I think the reason it should work is the reason that on paper it doesn't work at all, which is that Snape is this really closed off emotionally guarded, very jaded, very bitter person and Hagrid is more or less his opposite. You know, he's very, very open and a little bit too forthcoming emotionally. And if anybody was sort of going to match up in a even in a wholesome way, even if it's not, you know, overtly sexual, like their relationship could be absolutely healthy for one another, where they balanced they balance each other out. I mean, I absolutely know that Snape needs that love from somebody. We've talked about that in the James Lilly Severus episode, that Snape just needs that space where he can feel that genuine love and appreciation. And I think because Hagrid is so open and honest and has really no ulterior motive. Snape is going to be easier around that because he doesn't have to second guess himself. He doesn't have to keep his or clemency shields up. He doesn't have to be constantly worried that what he's saying is going to get back to anybody. Although if Hagrid is secretly a Death Eater Oh, that just complicates things.
Well, maybe that's part of it because you know snakes the double agent and he knows that, you know, Haggard's involved so the two of them probably maybe started off as just like, Oh, were the ends at Hogwarts or whatever, and like planning their strategies, and all of a sudden it you know, turned into something a little bit hard. It just they're
each other's only confidence.
Okay, but but now I'm picturing the graveyard scene, you know, where Harry is sort of hurries. He can't move anywhere. He's immobilized. Yeah. And he's seeing all these Death Eaters appear around the, you know, around him. And what is his reaction going to be when he sees this like huge silhouette, right?
This ginormous guy with this tiny mask
everybody's supposed to be in masks and robes to be inconspicuous. Right? So no one knows who they are. And Voldemort's just like to have my number have left me forever. Yeah, you just hit like button. Not me, sir.
Oh, man. Yeah, I don't. Yeah. And of course, I'm thinking as far as like, it could be argued that it's like how, how is Hagrid so affectionate when, you know, he lost his parents. But the time he had his father, his father was affectionate, like he loved his father, his father loved him. So it's like he did show up in a very loving household until his father passed. So as far as like, even as limited, and I feel like kind of like, to a child's emotional level is how his affection is, which is probably why his choices can be seen to be more reckless and naive, because he doesn't have the, you know, the life experience, especially if he didn't have any other relationships, be that, you know, to a romantic side of things for years, or however long like, I just, I feel like Hagrid and the reason why he cares and loves animals so much as he sees some he sees a creature in need of care, and he wants to provide that care and I feel like he would see that in Severus because he's just like, it's like, like, dude, you've just you just need a hug, don't you? And he's just like, No, no, no, no, and you just see haggard like wrapping his head, you know, arms around his tiny little body lifting him off the ground and he's just like white face.
Just carrying his angry little boyfriend around Hogwarts. Exactly, exactly.
Oh, yeah. Oh, so now I now have a head cannon that remember how Harry and Ron don't show up on the train. Why Snape on the grounds? Oh. Because he had Hagrid were having their little time before the feast and then they both see the bumping Willow shenanigans. And so then that's when Snape takes it upon himself like Oh, Shit. I got to get these kids that of course, like Hank was just like, oh, here we go like, yeah, already on on, you know, potters but now like so I could totally
let's be real they were having a feast before the feast. Oh my god oh you welcome to whatever this is
I mean I got that to be rich and I need some haggard and Snape and I will I will get there
exactly there we go yeah added to the list of all the things we keep asking people for and you are not providing we are very hurt I'm so glad
you said it because I wasn't going to I don't want to be mean to the listeners. To be clear. That's not what I'm doing. I'm not I'm not throwing shade at you weird because I understand. Yeah, I understand that you have lives and that you're very busy, and that you have your own ideals. Yeah, exactly. You have to fill your lives with your own ideas. But if you have a spare hour, and you're just like, Hmm, let's head on over to Axio fic on Tumblr. Yeah, look through all the ideas that these careful considered affectionate shepherds have put together and curated for you, then, you know, if you just want to take one of those ideas and run with that, I'm not stopping you. In fact, I'm encouraging you go read those, and then write them so that we can talk about them. We might even do episodes about them. Hey, look, someone took this idea and run with it and made it golden. So here's what you need to do today. Today, we're going to be throwing a lot of like hybrid chips at you. What I want you to do listener and I am speaking to you specifically now I'm using my serious voice. I want you to take a hybrid ship and write that thing. And then send it to us so that we can feature you on a future episode of the podcast. That's
100 words. Little little drabbles We'd like something that would just be so much fun. Like, be ridiculous. Be cracky like, you don't have to take it seriously. We don't care. We just want stuff.
In case you didn't get this vibe from what we've done before. We love everything. Yeah. Everything. Yeah, just send stuff to us. You know, I have had the pleasure of replying to some of your lovely emails about like fan responses to episodes. And that's been amazing. Now if you could just take that energy and write some fic I love your
effort, but we want more effort.
I just, I just I just need no fic in my life.
I know. Okay, okay, Nathan. Did you say what so what's what's your ship? What do you
I'm gonna I'm gonna talk about the big pink elephant in the room. And we're gonna go oh my god. Oh, we're gonna we're gonna talk now about Hagrid slash Lockhart? Oh,
I thought you were gonna go Umbridge I thought I thought you meant big pig.
We could talk
I don't I don't want to talk about that.
I thought we didn't care what our listeners sent us.
We have to talk about it now because you brought it up. Because we said we love everything. You know, I can't No backtrack on that. So we're gonna have to, we're gonna have to roll with it now because of what I just said. So I landed us in the crock. Okay, so first of all, we're gonna talk about how grid slash Lockhart because I just it's so bad. It's good. I love this ship so much. And the reason I think that this ship works is because it's so shouldn't work on paper, but it actually does. Look Lockhart is this ineffectual bumbling person who's really only good with one specific kind of magic memory charms. And Hagrid, as we've already established with the Snape thing is like has this compulsive need to care for every single creature that is left behind by the mainstream? Who better than Lockhart because he knows that he like I reckon that Hagrid rumbles very quickly that Lockhart is this ineffectual bumbler. Because of the broken there's no bones left
and so and so they get round this by introducing a few bones of their own
and of course, and of course Lockhart went to Hogwarts however long ago like so. Yeah, it already knows. Knows Lockhart and his history and probably his struggles in school and what if they had some sort of like connection like, you know, platonic, like, mentor student situation when he was in school of being like I really struggle and Hagrid sees that in Him and they actually had some sort of relationship beforehand and then when when he comes back of course all like look at all these amazing things I did and of course Hagrid through the whole book is just like, oh my god, like what you know, you know, fucking mess like he's just so over Lockhart and he's always going over there to convince him to like, Oh, I'll give you my book or whatever. It's like, you know that he's trying to be like, I'm the same person like there's, you know, and Haggard's he's just trying so hard to get back into Haggard's good graces until, you know, finally he gives in because obviously,
yeah, yeah, see my headcanon with Lockhart is that at school, he was exceptionally gifted and actually took to magic like a duck to water. And this is why. And so while he was like, away on his travels, or the year after he leaves, he tries a memory charm. And it like partly backfires. But not to the not to the degree that we see in Chamber of Secrets. So he's still compras mentors enough to know who he is, and what he's doing, except that the bulk of his learned magical knowledge has just been completely erased. So he has all of the, the affectation and the pump, and the, the ego, but none of the actual substance anymore. And because like so I want to draw a parallel here with Dumbledore, where we, when Harry is talking to alpha is Doge. And Doge is like, oh, yeah, I knew him in school. And then when he left, he went on this like grand quest to search for the 12 uses of dragon's blood, or whatever it is, I sort of think that Lockhart would have done the same thing. But then for whatever reason, he gets into a dangerous situation, and has to use a memory charm on somebody, and it kind of misfires and that's why everyone who taught Lockhart is still like, oh, yeah, maybe he'd be a good. Yeah, it's Against the Dark Arts teacher. Because no one realizes that this happened. And obviously, he was busy making a name for himself. So he'd want to keep it out of the papers. So he would have fudged the math with something you know. But Hagrid is wise to this. Maybe. Lockhart wrote to Hagrid, after all this happened to try and be like, Look, I know something's happened to me. I feel different. So that then when he comes back to Hogwarts, and he's like, I I'm floundering in all my classes, like a like I don't know what I'm doing and maybe the the sort of the emotional nurturing side of Hagrid 10 kicks in and goes you know, but you you're still Lockhart and they and that's the fluffy the fluffy side of that relationship and see I turned it around not You didn't think I'd be able to do it. I saw your face I knew I brought it up you're like no kill it was just that good.
I do love the idea of like, what is it because like Lockhart is obviously someone who has all these admirers you know, like he's obviously has like it like but what is it like, like moms middle aged, or just like throwing themselves flock alright. And but he's just I don't know if it's like his thing of like, like, I'm, you know, I'm for everybody sort of thing like, or if it is his queerness or something like that. And I just I love the idea of like this, like, kind of potentially like gorgeous dude being all about someone like Hagrid. I think that that's great. I love that and Hagrid not understanding it. Like yeah, they're just being for the longest time like you're messing with me like you're just you're just playing around with me and like I you know, I know you are there. I know you from when you were here before and how You were with people because I'm sure he was gorgeous in school you know what I mean? I'm sure he used that to his advantage not to the Tom Riddle, you know, extent of that but I but I could definitely see him getting away with or doing things using his looks in that way and for him to become genuine would take it would take a little bit for like Hagrid to see past though that kind of like personality traits, you know of him as well as like why me you know, like Hagrid would just be like, why that doesn't make any sense that this this can't this. This is a joke. This is absolutely a joke. The end
so for our listeners, there was a visual bit there of some eyebrow wiggling. I feel like you do that more now that I said that people don't wiggle their eyebrows so that you make a point of wiggling them at me at every opportunity.
I know like people don't don't arch their eyebrow and I'm just like always.
Just because I say a lot of very serious things. And you're just like calling me out on it. But yeah, we have it we have another ship to talk about that ship is Hagrid slash?
It's even more kissed than a hybrid slash Lipsius pairing. quotes like next.
Easier than way easier than Hagrid in a bridge? I don't know. Okay, so when I think of Hagrid and Umbridge not that there's like, a ton of parallels between like Umbridge and Maxime but it's like woman in like a high like a holding like a higher position. Like maybe he's attracted to that. Like, I think he obviously had his fall out with Matt, you know, Mata Maxime for being like, you know, pretending she wasn't who she was, and, and not owning up to the fact of, you know, that she was, you know, potentially half giant, and that really hurt Hagrid. And even though like, Umbridge, obviously shows that she's like, you know, like, looks down on half breeds, as she would say. So it's also hard to be like, it's like, okay, is that because she's trying to cover up her like, kink for free? Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, maybe she's like, you know, she's like, Oh, I can't, it's like, no, that's, you know, terrible, awful, whatever. And then she sees Hagrid, and she's just like, Oh.
See, I think it's her behavior about like, half breeds and stuff is analogous to do you know, when, like, people that aren't sure yet about their sexuality, do a sort of internalized homophobia thing of like, oh, this is weird. Like, it's wrong or Yeah. And it's, and maybe they confront that weirdness, because at the time, it's like, oh, it's, it's, it's weird and different. But what they don't realize is, they're attracted to that weirdness, because it's also part of their own identity. And I sort of feel like because on bridges, this really, you know, she's she's come up through admin in the ministry, she's in this really respected position, she has backed herself into a sort of arch conservative corner, where it's like, I have to support these political positions. However, privately, she wants nothing more than to be between his hairy thighs.
And of course, I'm thinking like, was he was Hagrid the first? Or was it true Lonnie, who was the first to be like, sacked after like, all the like, teacher? Like sit ins?
Or think it was true? Loni first, because there's that big scene in the courtyard. That and then Dumbledore has to be like, you know, you can't banish teachers from the grounds. So, yeah, I feel like Hagrid is suck next.
Yeah, so it cuz I feel like the reason why potentially he could be sacked one, obviously I'm sure she goes into it like Dude, what are you doing? But she sets her roles and standard of like doing you know, the the teacher reviews or whatnot, and just can't stay away. So she goes too many times. And she's like, well damaged. I did this five times. Apparently I have to fire the guy like no, like, I just I have to follow my own rules. I don't know.
But also the irony of her being an inspector for teachers whenever she is a horrible teacher, right? Like, just empirically is hilarious to me, because it's such a critique of so I don't know if either of you are familiar with Ofsted which is sort of like so Ofsted is the independent body that inspects schools, secondary schools in, I think it's UK wide. Anyway, it's such a critique of the Way agencies like that critique the education system, because they only, like they interrogate teachers through these really tiny pressure filled like 20 minute windows, and they don't really evaluate like the relationships with the students or how people with different learning capacities and stuff interact with the material. So as a, you know, much as I give JK, our a lot of hate for the stuff she includes in books. There are some things that still stand up to rigor today. And one of those is her critique of the education system, and the way that is held up. So the so yeah, no, to bring it to bring it back to the relationship because I did have a point. I know, it's a thing to think that I do. But she is a terrible teacher. He is a terrible teacher. I imagine that like secretly, she goes to his hot tubs, which about what a terrible environment it is to teach in. Like, she doesn't really want to do it. And because he is he'd rather be spending time with all the magical creatures. He doesn't really want to be teaching classes. I imagine he's only really happy when Harry's in a class. So that's like, like a quarter of the time. And then she's just like, don't bring up the potter child. So to try and distract him they have sexy
Yeah, but she doesn't she doesn't she try and oh, no, no, no, I'm thinking of Rita Skeeter. Okay, here's one. Because Rita Skeeter keeps going to Hagrid to. Like one wanted to know stuff about Harry like she wanted to get the dirt on Harry which then turned around to him getting the dirt on Hagrid. And what if she was like a like a snub to lover like they broke up and then all of a sudden she's like, well all this stuff you told me in confidence is now going to be you know, out there for everybody. So like, like what if Oh, like because what if they had a thing and then Maxime came and then like it all fell apart? And then of course if she was all spiteful and did all this stuff, and there we go Pakarinen haggard, and Rita Skeeter, everybody.
Of course, you know, that. Rita Skeeter. I imagine. She'd like if they had any sort of sexual relationship. She wouldn't be doing that for her benefit. I don't imagine that she sees an attraction to Hagrid, but like she's constantly on the lookout for a new angle and you story and you something and she always has that quick quotes. Quill with her. What if the quill was out during their dirty talk? Like just putting out something that my brain came up
with? Yeah, I need that. fic please.
Yeah, she's definitely like, seducing stories out of people. You think like even it's like you think of how creepy she was hat pulling all those kids into a closet to like, ask them real. Oh, she's Oh, yeah. And even in the movie when she's like winking at Harry. And you're just like, oh my god, like, Oh, wow. Like, yeah, so know that that would make so much sense. Her getting the story from Hagrid was definitely in a way that was, you know, a little bit a little bit out there.
I'm annoyed for Miranda Richardson because she's such a phenomenal actress. And, you know, she was in Blackadder, she was in like the late 90s version of Merlin. She she's been in so many wonderful things, and I just wanted more airtime for her as Skeeter because I really feel like in the films they didn't give her enough to do and then they didn't get into her being the Animagus plot twist at the end of book four. I just I really I want more of a way in for her. And so if she had a relationship with Hagrid, that would be a way to do it. Again, I think this is maybe something for like an 18 rated Harry Potter TV series. But you know if that does end up happening and you're a producer of that series, listening to this episode now get in touch with me because I have script Nice. Yeah. Okay. Do we also want to talk about Hagrid slash Lucia snow
Do do you go it's been a bit
I don't know. i i Huh?
Another Packard was a Death Eater angle they know each other Sure. Death Eater work or whatever.
From Duffy to college. Yeah.
So he obviously goes in and out of this yes regular.
Yes, that's a possibility. See, you got it. You're really good at like the how they get there. And I'm just like, Yeah, I don't I don't care how it happens. All I can see in my head is the established relationship. This is what happens between the sheets kind of thing, right? No.
Please give that frangible
when I think of haggard and Umbridge all I can think of is like the authoritarian Dom Just like giving it to haggard and he's like, Oh, yes, Mommy please yes whatever however they get there Sure. Do you need the scene of so anyway, it was it would have to be the same thing he just he he sees haggard and he knows what he wants and he wants to sit on that
I don't even think I need to say anything else. Yeah. Also, there's so much in that scene, you know where they're where Lucius comes to 100 hooked to announce that Dumbledore has been removed by the Board of Governors whatever and and there's just that line you call this house you know that that that wonderful moment of like I wouldn't dream of intruding upon your You call this a house? I just I can imagine him returning and just being like you know, this is my house
but I can also see like him keeping up appearances like just like oh, I have to play the like arrogance looking down on you sort of thing and then we'll maybe it's some floor for play action like maybe hundreds into that like and what oh, okay, so Haggard's a Death Eater, obviously just
a degradation kink.
So little self confidence as it is.
But maybe it's maybe it's different in the bedroom.
True. It always says, isn't it?
Because what was it? Oh, because it's he gets taken away. It's the second book. So it is the instance when they come and take Hagrid away. So what of Hagrid didn't actually go to ask about him? He just went back to the CSS for whatever time and maybe they don't even have a thing. Yeah, like he was just like, put up at the manor and then all of a sudden things happened. You know what I mean?
Yeah, because the manor has to have a garden. That and I say this because there are loads of like white peacocks in the hedges. Someone has to be maintaining that and who better than a than a groundskeeper? Oh, it really has experience. And it would explain Draco's hatred of Hagrid, where he's like, Oh, that oath and it's because he sees him at the house all the time all the time knows he knows that there's a relationship going on between What if his parents and how but the thing is he's not sure who because oh my god so what if they both have the hots for him they both try and be like oh
wow that's beautiful
so there we go. So we have Yeah, Hagrid is like essentially the pool boy in this situation. Yeah. And then we have Lucious and our Sissa probably not aware that each other are literally like trying to kill and maybe hackers completely oblivious it's like wow, these people are really needy like it takes like Narcissa like backing him up against the wall and just being like Well geez, you're you're really close like
just making my day that's all I'm just this is just gonna live in my head for the rest.
This will be something to edit. Let me tell you
about it. anything
is there anything else any other ship any other trope? Any other Hagrid thing for his birthday that you feel like you need to do justice to the character by bringing up either of us
just haggard for his birthday? He just needs all the
love. Yes. All
all the love that he deserves. Exactly. We didn't talk about haggard slash Harry. I don't know that we need to or not. Yeah, yes. Yeah, we
definitely do. And I also I also want to talk about Hagrid slash McGonigal.
This is going to be an epic Well,
there are so possibilities though. Like Hagrid is just that likable when Yeah, yeah,
Is the entire purpose of Hogwarts. Not a front for Hagrid secret harem.
He hosts many a tea time with many people. He's he always has rock cakes in the oven. Like obviously he's always prepared for some visitor. I mean, it's yes,
absolutely. And I don't know if that we've we've touched on this yet. But also, Hagrid is one of the only like mainstream characters in Harry Potter, who is codified as effeminate. But that's not a problem. That's part of his character. And so for his birthday and to celebrate him, I feel like we need to talk about the awesomeness that is that at least. Even in canon. He's always in a flowering apron. He's always crying. He's always got his heart on his sleeve. And this is a good thing. These are good qualities presented as good, impartially, and I cannot get over okay, yes, we shouldn't be celebrating one character in an ocean or a miasma of characters that get left behind because they're dealt with awfully Yes, I get that. But let's celebrate the one instance where where femininity as a man is celebrated through Hagrid as well.
Yeah, cuz you don't think about it? We don't. We don't necessarily like there are many reasons why we see him as ridiculous but I feel like moments like that. Aren't those aren't the ones that stand out? Like it's just expected for him? Like even in the movies like when he's just like Norbert Come to mommy. Like we've it's like we don't even think about it. We're just like, he's just like, it's like, Oh, of course he would be mom. Like of course he would be mom. So yeah, no, absolutely.
And and then when Nova is revealed to be no better. Is it no better? Yeah. And has to go with Charlie. Oh my god. Do we need to talk about Hagrid slash?
We can talk about slash anybody.
Yeah, so obviously part of why he's really into dragons
that love was so dead
oh, I cannot believe I started however many months ago being like Hagrid, what? And now being like Hagrid, literally everybody.
Literally everybody. He's got a lot of love to give.
He does. He does. And this is why also ship Hagrid in a poly context. Because our grid has so much love that it might be impossible for him just to share that was one person bought fi fi. Did you want to talk about her grid slash hurry?
I'm sure only that is that's the fic that I wrote about was hired slash Harry.
Do you want to plug your fic? A little bit more?
Oh my gosh, I can't I can mention it. I bought it like a year ago. And I haven't looked at it since and I'm not sure if it's even.
Good. You got it? Why would it not be good listeners to go and read this thing now? For your kudos?
Okay, so I wrote this fic it was it was for the rare PR Fest and it was just I think the prompt was something about haggard gives great hugs and his beard is warm and it tickles. And when when they kiss or something like that, that was the extent of the prompt and I was like, yes, yes, I need this in my life. And because again, like reading all the fic that's on IO three now that's haggard slash Harry. It's always in the context context of like, Harry Fox, everybody, you know, and Hagrid, just one of those people, one of the people. Yeah, that's the extent of it. And there's no like, actual treatment of their relationship, such that it may be so I wanted to write that about how the first person that Harry is ever loved by that he remembers was Hagrid, you know like and it was unconditional and like automatic and immediate like There was no they were just ready to go. And that they were friends all throughout and just, you know, you know? Yeah, yeah. Without restating my fic you know, scene by scene. It's just this. They need it, you know? Yeah. And in my fic I guess again, haggard isn't the instigator because he doesn't want to overstep boundaries he does assume or hurt anybody, but Harry is just a thirsty boy yes knows what he wants and what he wants is Haggard's Dick MA and
I also love that idea that fanfic arises out of a need to adopt the phrase be the love you want to see in the world? I feel like fanfic is that right? The love you want to see the world? Because, you know, the world is an imperfect place. Sometimes in little contained stories, we can say how it should be. And as you were describing, in know, the evolution of their love, I could absolutely see that, you know, when both of them are, you know, have grown up and thought about it, that like actually, all of these feelings that we've had for years have now built to a point where it's really wholesome. And I like that. But then also, there is the side of fanfic that it's just like, Harry's is looking for his leather daddy. And that's exactly that thing. Either.
You need that indulgence sometimes.
So my thoughts this talking about everything about Hagrid slash everyone. Do we think Hagrid has the capability of actually being in a healthy long term relationship? Or do you feel like things would kind of fall apart and that's why he would kind of like, kind of like bounce around or take things as it was given to him if he's not someone who's like instigating things.
That's a very interesting question.
I definitely think Hagrid can be in a healthy relationship. And there are few people that could have more capacity for love and wholesomeness and just genuinely being there for somebody then Hagrid. Definitely, there are considerations to take into account because of his different physicality. But I definitely and I'm speaking partly as a disabled person here as well. I definitely think that a different physicality is not a barrier. It's an opportunity for exploration. But that is just my very specific is
Okay, you mean you need to stop spying on my Grindr as well, I will link that in the description. Like the interested now it's my turn to do the eyebrow wiggle. Okay. Yeah, I absolutely do think that Hagrid would can be in a in a loving, stable relationship, whether or not he meets people that are like minded and that want to engage in that with him is another story because, you know, for some people, you know, everybody's idea of perfect is different. Everybody's idea of love is different. And I can see that because Hagrid is such a pure soul, that that's got to be a lot for someone like Umbridge who is who is not that she's not that I don't see him being in a in a loving committed relationship with someone like Umbridge for a very long time. But but their their little fling could be very interesting. And I do want to read that thing. Please, please just send me fic just I'm not even going to be specific just you know, Care of Magical shippers, podcast male.com please just send things to me. I might giving you the impression that I bite because I don't do that without consent. So anyway, we get I get that I'm a lot within that there are moments of lucidity and niceness. There was another ship that we had to talk about somebody else haggard slash McGonigal. Yeah, that was it. Thank you. Thank you for bringing me back to that. So just going off that moment in book five, where McGonigal steps in to try to save Hagrid from going to ask a ban. And she's like, No, no way. I just ask absolutely see McGonigal and Hagrid being a thing. That, to me is an example of a long term Hagrid relationship that could work, because we talked about this in the Lockhart slash McGonagle episode where we talk a little bit about her Pottermore article and it goes a little bit into her backstory, how she fell in love with a mogul, but then it didn't work out. And I sort of feel like because Hagrid presents with a different physicality. He could have had like a lot of relationships, but they didn't work out for whatever reason. And I absolutely see them being first off confidence. And then as time progresses, they realize that there are more feelings there. For a start, you know, he is always baking, and she loves biscuits. You know, I see the correlation there between that and so maybe, you know, one time going over for tea, you know, one thing leads to another, and they just discover that there are more feelings there as well. One
of the best gifts that she offers Harry, we're baked by Hagrid,
oh, my goodness, I would love I would love that. But I also I also love the really adorable image of mechanical transforming into her cat form, and sort of leaping into leaping into her grids love like, not in a sexual way. Please don't make that face hit me up not you know, Max was just doing a thing of it. Please don't let her know, I mean, just in just in a wholesome way like yes, Hagrid loves animals. Yes. monocle can transform into a cat. I don't see why they don't have that, like, cuddle tie. Yeah, I could see
her curling up in his beard. Like they're laying down for a nap. And she's just like, you know, like, does the little kneading biscuits and then you know, curls up right there. And they're just like, oh, like happy together. That just sounds so sweet.
So happy together. That's not saying that
we thought this would be more of a musical episode, which it actually has not so it's just really surprising.
I'm surprised that I've managed to contain myself because you know how sing songy we all get? I'm surprised that we managed to keep it this professional for this
grown up and I did finally make why would you want any clone? Oh I did finally make a pod playlist. So we're starting to add some songs to that and it's pretty pretty all over the place. I mean, we have Disney we have we have milkshake we
he doesn't need this in their life. So I'm assuming the link to the Spotify playlist will also be in the description and you should listen to that if you have nothing better to do which clearly flicks clearly you don't cuz you're listening to this
and you're not writing us fanfiction?
You don't know that. Maybe someone's listening to this right now. Or they're putting pen to paper or they're typing, you know, and they're doing it and you've just said they're not doing it and they're literally gonna write fanfiction to prove you wrong and be like, I am responding to this exact timestamp. And you said that I wasn't writing fanfic. But if we've established nothing else from today's episode, it's that you can literally ship Hagrid with anyone. And and you should. Then once you've done that, you should send that to us
as well. Okay. The thing oh, I don't think we could easily keep going like but so I'm gonna say after what an hour and 40 minutes so Okay, so what I'll say is without going into description, what would be your Hagrid OTP like if you were to pick one that you're like, This is my favorite. What would it be?
I can't answer that. I'm probably going to write a little booklet for like each of the ones that we've just talked about and
love it there well I'm of course really excited about Taggart and Snape I just love that 100% But with with Hagrid Lockhart being like a close second because it's like similar but for a different reason. Yeah, third. Oh no, but I really love Lucius Narcissa. And yeah, this is bad. Why did I ask this question Nathan. Do you have one otherwise, I asked a really dumb
Well, I was gonna go with a weird like hybrid triad of Hagrid Lucius and Narcissa that I randomly made up because I just I love it and I want to see that in terms of in terms of the what's most wholesome and beneficial for Hagrid. I either think Hagrid slash Dumbledore or Hagrid slash McGonagle either of those work for me. And just a crack ship that I really I want to see, but that we we haven't talked about extensively. Oh, let's see. Hagrid slash moody.
Ah, which moody though like true
or true. Like proper, real OG Alison moody. And because you know, moody is another guy that presents with a different physicality. And I would just love to see how that works. To get there.
Love it well, after after all of that. So as far as what we'll be doing next time, we are finally touching well, okay, touch.
You say it like that. Like you show your shoulder do you wanna do you want to like Robach? It's
been a really we've gone places with this episode, so I've already placed on ge. Yes, but I'm really excited because I'm amazed that it just taken this long facelets it's free. It's taken this long, but we're actually finally doing a Draco Malfoy ship. We're doing Ravel so Draco slash Neville. And from what I've read so far, it's definitely I it's it's it's its own thing like I'm a Drarry fan you know, for sure I shipped Draco was a lot of people when I started reading travel it's it's very unique and different just because of you know who Neville is and whatever and I cannot wait to talk about it. It's gonna be so much fun.
I am really excited for the opposite reason in that I love Neville as a character and I'm so I'm so excited that we finally get to ship Neville with somebody I you know, I could do I could just do a Neville centric episode and be quite happy about it to be honest. But this this I am so excited that we finally get some justice for Neville and well whether or not it's justice because Draco remains shooting for that episode in two weeks time
so now are we do we have a decent send off yet?
I just I just like by because I is because it is what it is. I don't I don't think we need to be like learned.
Every time we're just like, Oh, I just you know Hey, so
yeah, so before but before we do that, though, I just wanted to send like a quick little shout out to our social media links, as well as our telegram voice thick. No, wait, let's try that again. I just want to do a quick little reference to our telegram voice thing. And no, my voice just decided to telegram Okay, let me let me try that again. Care of Magical shippers, podcast male.com will find us for any of your longer thoughts slash fic that you right that you want to send us please send us that. Then you can contact us on telegram if you have any voice notes, you can leave us a voicemail if you want to be at the cutting edge of 1990s technology. That thing all of our social media links are in the description for this episode. Contact us on those things. Although we are most active on Tumblr.
Yes. So we can't wait to share dribble with you next time. The end Okay, should we freakin thank fee for being on here with us? I mean, this was absolutely amazing. Thank you so much.
Thank you for letting me join you guys.
Well, I mean, I don't think I say this every time we record an episode, but I don't think I've honestly enjoyed an episode more like this has just been its own entire energy. And just the fact that like Not to disparage any of the other guests that have been on but just the fact that I know you both and love You and like, I could just sit and talk to you all day and be quite happy doing it. So just the chance to get to do this with you oficially is is
awesome. Love it. Happy to be here. Thank you. I love you guys.
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