A more inclusive world for women with ADHD Mixdown 1
7:10PM Feb 13, +0000
Speakers:
Keywords:
adhd
freelance
people
diagnosis
struggled
world
life
diagnosed
lou
females
yoga
years
day
lockdown
mom
journey
support
symptoms
inattentive
mum
Hello, and welcome to this special series of the freelance man podcast that we thought we'd launch on Valentine's day a little bit of self love. And also in the run up to International Women's Day, which is just four weeks away. And it's such a wonderful day to celebrate. There's a theme each and every year to International Women's Day. And this year's theme is inspire, and inclusion, which is so important. It's something we try to do and emanates in everyday life and all matters a freelance mom inspired people on their freelance man journey, and also make the world a more inclusive place. And with that, it instantly made me think of Louise Taylor. Now Lou Taylor is a firm friend and favourite app freelance mum, not least because of her wonderful ways, but also because she is an ADHD coach, and is making it her mission to support basically middle aged moms in their journeys and late diagnosis to ADHD. So first of all, Lou, thank you so very much for joining me on the finance man podcast this week. Well, thank you for having me. It's a joy to have you here, Lou. And it's lovely to reconnect with you on your freelance journey, actually. Because when we first met, you came to freelance mum, didn't you on a slightly different path? You were originally teaching yoga. Is that right? Yeah, I taught yoga to children for a decade. Wow. Yeah. And what made you change from teaching yoga for a decade? That sounds like it's a very calm and tranquil place. Not if you're teaching four year olds, no. Not tranquil. It's a lot of fun, but it's not calm and tranquil. But yeah, it was basically locked down. And I was living my life and doing my yoga and running my classes. And then obviously, when lockdown came and my business finished, you know, we couldn't go into any classes. We couldn't, I couldn't go into any schools. And overnight, I went from being really busy, really active and having a successful business to be just, you know, stuck at home like everybody else. And it was that that actually triggered an awareness within yourself, isn't it? Yeah, it didn't happen overnight.
A couple of things that happened with the lockdown, same as everybody else, I obviously got a lot more stress, I was a lot less active. I didn't have any purpose. I didn't have my yoga business to fall back on. Obviously, I was looking after my children and homeschooling and all of that kind of stuff. And without those sort of structures in my life, I really, really struggled mentally, I really, really struggled. And it was I went on a journey for about two, three years, trying to sort myself out, and retraining and having coaching and therapy and all these kinds of things. And I was diagnosed with everything from perimenopause, to depression to anxiety, and then eventually, at the end of all of that, I was diagnosed with ADHD and that is what changed everything.
And you never at any point, considered going back to yoga as the world began to open back up. You didn't think, Okay, I'm going to revisit my business. I loved it. It was it something had begun to unravel a bit.
Well, no, I was dying to go back to my business. I was dying. I was also an actor, I practice Ashtanga Yoga, which I don't know whether you know about it's just a really sort of super strict type of yoga, you go every day, you get up early do the thing. And I was desperate to go back to that. But I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I would get up in the morning. And I would just sit in a chair and I would go into this kind of paralysis mode, where I just couldn't move out of the I knew what I had to do. But I just couldn't make myself do it.
So you you ended up after this like two three year journey where multiple TVs a diagnosis were being sent your way it could be depression, it could be perimenopause. And finally, it lands on ADHD. But what moment did you think? Yeah, this is right. This is this clarifies everything.
I think it was what it was. Firstly, my daughter was diagnosed. Firstly, my brother was diagnosed. He came back from a meeting that he's had, because he's always been. Everyone thought he was dyslexic. And he went for a meeting to have his dyslexia assessed, and they said actually, we don't think you're dyslexic at all you have ADHD? And then I started reading about it. And then I realised that yes, of course he had it. And then, of course, I had it. And not only that, but also my daughter had it as well. And then everything started to sort of fall into place, because obviously, it's it's genetic. And it's hereditary, you'll generally find it running in families.
And did you look up as well? That was there? Apparently you had it? Yeah,
definitely. So I guess why, when it's really, really personal to me, my mom, I think, while I'm 90% Sure, she had it, she was never diagnosed. And I would say she passed away probably about 10 years earlier than she would have done if she'd been diagnosed. And she had a lot of problems. And I think that really, you know, when you're looking for a solid, why that really is what drives me and everything that I do that it's because ADHD, it's not. It's widely misunderstood. It can be very serious, but it's so treatable. And when it's not recognised, and when it's not treated, it can be really devastating.
Because there's, there's almost a stereotype that is attached to ADHD. And I know we're in a place of more awareness now, which is great. But I think even 12 months ago, 18 months ago, if you'd have said, ADHD, and I'm speaking I'm really broad terms, but you think of a very fidgety child, typically a boy, who just, you know, inability to keep still ants in the pants, that sort of thing. And it's just conjures up these really broad, generic terms. You don't think of women at a certain point in their lives, who present in a very, you come across as a very calm and together person. In those stereotypical things, that's a long way from that we have grown up to assume ADHD to be, yeah, it's kind
of like a joke, isn't it? It's almost like, ah, you know, little rascal ADHD that? I'm always exactly if I, if I hadn't read about it, it was the last thing that I would have thought that I had, literally the last thing that I thought I had. And so yeah, it is you're right, it's and all the studies that have been done up until really, very recently have all been done on men and little boys, there's actually still not a lot of research on women and girls.
And this is what it's all about, isn't it, Lou? And it's just so frustrating. And we hear this a lot and on so much, it's the same with autism, isn't it? You know, the majority of the studies based on male, that's why it's makes it so much harder. And so late diagnosis for females. And here we are, you know, we're, we're in 2024. We're in the run up now to International Women's Day. And it just feels like how are we still getting this so wrong? We're trying to make the world a fair and equal place, you know, what can we do to help support females? You know, with that diagnosis, so it doesn't wait until we're kind of in our mid 40s? Well, what what are the differences and the way it presents, if there are, are differences between, you know, males and females,
I think three types of it, I'm gonna try and be really, I don't want to make it too long and boring. So I'll try and give you like a little short, you've got three different types of ADHD, you have hyperactive, which is what you've just described, that's the sort of little boy running around a playground and bouncing off the walls kind of thing. And then you have inattentive, which is all the symptoms of ADHD without the hyperactivity, and what that looks like, is very, very internal. So it's a very quiet sort of quite spacey far away. That's what that will look like in somebody. And then you have combined, which is a little bit of hyperactivity and a little bit of inattentive. So it's a sort of mixture of the both. And girls and women are predominantly not only but predominantly inattentive. So it's much more difficult to spot. So
might be considered if I'm looking back now sort of my own, remember my own years in classrooms as being a bit of a dreamer. Might that be the sort of Child Yeah, yeah,
a dreamer, sometimes a bit of a space cadet, a lot of the time, they are misdiagnosed with anxiety, or dyslexia or processing problems. Someone will say that or just yeah, that just kind of need to catch up a little bit, just a little bit behind everybody else. And what it is, is they're just very deep in this kind of internal world. And it's almost a bit like they're sort of walking around in fog.
And once you had your diagnosis, Lou, how has it changed the way in which you navigate like day to day life? how does it how has it helped you? Now that you know this about yourself like Okay, does it help you make better decisions or approach things in different ways?
Yeah, it's like I know which parts The library to go to right before I was looking in the section marked, you know, lazy people. And now I can go to the section marked ADHD and I know and that's what's going to, you know, give me the answers that I need. And I think when you start learning the tools and start learning about the condition, it becomes less of a personal failing, and it's more something that you just got to work with.
And what can we do? He says, Yeah, it does is like I know this about myself, it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person, I'm a rubbish person that I'm not good at this or that. It just means I come at things from this angle. Simple as, yeah. What can we do to help? I mean, that's gonna be a lot of people who are undiagnosed. What can we do to help support people with ADHD? Okay, so
bad things first, I mean, there'll be in the right place, listening to this podcast and getting themselves educated is really, really important. Don't, I would say, to try and not like brush it off. If it is something that's that keeps niggling you, and you keep coming back to it, do look into it, do take it seriously. Because I know there is an issue, we have an issue with getting diagnosed, and we have an issue with doctors and all of that kind of stuff. But there is actually a huge amount you can do. While you're waiting for a diagnosis, even if that's what you want to do, you can learn a lot about the condition, you can learn a lot about supporting yourself, and you don't need a diagnosis for that.
That's great. And you, you've now got the diagnosis yourself, and you've gone on to become a coach. Is that also mean, you touched on your own mother? And you know, she's, and that's obviously deeply personal to you, is that part of what then drove you to think, Alright, that's it, I need to I need to change the world only i No one else is going to be like that this is not my mission? Well, yeah, I
mean, I am super passionate about what I do. And, and I have seen how my life is completely different from the person I was, he came out of lockdown a couple of years ago, two or three years ago. Also the interventions that we've done with my daughter, who was having a really, really tough time, a really, really tough time. And her life is like, it's like night and day, when you have the proper treatment, you understand your condition, you come at it with empathy, and with compassion and self compassion, you can absolutely change your life. And it happens fast.
So you, it must be interesting for you. So you have the diagnosis, and you also have your daughter's. And that's great, because you can now support her. Have you talked about a difference in yourself? Can you see a difference in herself now that she has this and has this awareness at a much younger age than the new did? Yeah,
she will have a much different experience to school that I did. And my mom did. And that is a brilliant, brilliant thing. I think she is, you know, as we're all as we're all going through this process, and the world is getting more knowledge and we're getting much more pathetic, much more aware about mental health and how important it is. Not only as the people around her can understand more about ADHD, hopefully, she will be able to advocate for herself. She'll be able to say this is okay, I have ADHD, I'm going to need this and this and this and that's going to that's going to help me do my best.
And what is the difference between ADHD then, and just being very, very busy? Just being having a busy mind a butterfly? I remember my mom using the expression, butterfly mind or fake butterfly mind. You flitting from one thing to the other? Or is it actually the same? The two and the one? Yeah.
So it's a it's really it's a really good question. Because it's a bit like somebody being taller or shorter than somebody else you can because everybody has ADHD like tendencies, right? We have days when we are when we struggling to focus, some people are just always late for everything is just kind of who they are. And you can be all of those things and still not have ADHD. But when certainly for a midlife person, this is what you're talking about an adult who's getting diagnosed with ADHD, they will, the doctors will look at things like how were you at school? Did you? You know a lot of people will drop out of university because they struggle with the time management and the solo and the Stono study. There may be issues with relationship issues because of struggles with emotion and ability to sort of communicate and manage relationships. They weren't necessarily look at, you know, are you you know, do you struggle with task management? Do you feel, you know, disorganised that's not really how they diagnosis, they're going to really almost go through your life story, and build up a picture of how those symptoms like impulsivity and an attentiveness. And things like that have actually directly impacted your life. And that will look like things like you struggled to pay for a long time. Or maybe there will be an issue with relationships and divorce, there could be issues with substance abuse, perhaps going back into your family, and maybe issues with gambling and all sorts of different things. So it's not just that they look at the symptoms, they look at how they've impacted your life, when a hill is a hill, and then it becomes it reaches a tipping point and it becomes a mountain.
It's really interesting. Is this still, I don't like to use this word, but I'm going to use it like shape just to people feel shame about it, you know, on the diagnosis. Oh, there it is there. Is there that element about it for some people
think there absolutely is. And I think it's a real and I think that's something that we can all really work to help people move past I think we all have a lot of internalised shame, especially if we've grown up with this condition. And the shame won't necessarily be about ADHD will be like, shame with, you know, not passing the exams, for example, or not performing as well as other people at work are not performing as well as other people at school. That's what the internalised shame will be. And hopefully a lot of people when they find out actually, it's this condition, it's ADHD, it's becomes less, as I was saying earlier, less of like a personal failing, it's like that you've been actually battling against something a kind of an invisible enemy your whole life. And actually, you've been succeeding in spite of ADHD. And that's something to be proud of. But yeah, I think I think there is a there is shame in it. And it's, and that's real. You know, that's really sad. And that's definitely something we can work to help people move past. And
there's, there's a flip side of this as well, Lou, and you know, I've certainly seen much more of this in the last 12 months, possibly longer. A lot more women now are sort of age feeling would come across as more empowered, having had this diagnosis and saying, you know, I'm ADHD, I've just found this out. And this isn't, it just makes sense. I get it, I get it. Why are we seeing this now? I mean, it's, it's great. But is there something that's triggered that or what sparked this?
Well, I think even you're right, you've just, you know, we know more about it, right? It's in the news, people are talking about it, people are more open and honest about having it a lot of people use celebrities and things like that. And we understand more about it from a female point of view. And I think, yeah, and I think I think honestly, I think that's, that can only be a good thing. I think it's a bit like high blood pressure, or short sightedness or something like that. It's just it is one of those things, if you imagine being short sighted your whole life and never having glasses, that actually how that would impact on you. And it's a bit the same about ADHD you need the supports and the structures in your life. So you can, you can see properly you can get through life better. Yeah,
I can remember when I was handed a pair of glasses, and I was short sighted, age nine. And I hadn't realised I was short sighted until I went into the opticians and, you know, did the short sighted test. And when I was finally given these glasses, I can just remember saying to my mom, I said like someone's just drawn all around all the edges. You know, I had no idea that things are supposed to be sharp and not blurry. It's like, oh, it's a whole new world that I'm looking through mummy this is, you know, and it is that isn't it? And that's a physical thing, putting on glasses and like seeing the world differently. And that's what you're having, you know, at this point in your life, a hot brand new pair of glasses to see the world through. Yeah,
and you can you've just illustrated that beautifully. And that is exactly what the you know, what a diagnosis and proper treatment will do. So,
as we sort of, you know, the theme of International Women's Day is inspire and inclusion like, how would you? What would you like to see the change in the world to help inspire the next generation and to be more inclusive for other women or, you know, the next generation of girls, females coming through?
I think the conversations that we're having at the moment are really inspiring and really exciting. And I think the more voices that we have in the room and the more people who are being more obviously neurodivergent and being able to move through the world in a way that they feel comfortable, is amazing. And I think there is a duty I guess or I think one of the most exciting and you know and inclusive things that you can do or we can do maybe you know other people in the neurodivergent commune It is, you know, someone's got to go first, right? Someone's got to be the one who's gonna put their hand and say sorry, I need to walk around the room while we're having this meeting. I can't sit still. If
anyone would like to get in contact with you or find out more about ways to work with you, we'll just continue this conversation another way what what's the best thing for them to do?
Okay, well, you can email me on Louise at understanding hyphen adhd.co.uk. You can find me on Instagram. I'm Louise underscore Taylor, underscore ADHD underscore coaching.
underscores you're not you're
and but yeah, email me. I would love to hear from anybody. though. It's been an absolute pleasure hearing from you today. Thank you so much for taking the time to come and join me. Oh, thank you so much for having me. Thanks for joining us on the freelance mom Podcast. I'm Faye Dicker. And don't forget you can make a date with us every Wednesday on the freelance mum online cooking morning full at a local net. So can you come and try us out for free for 30 days at freelance mum.co.uk