This is the third day of this June 2024 seven day sesshin. And I'm going to continue with reading from the book, throw yourself into the house of Buddha, the teachings and life of Tongan Harada Roshi. And the chapter we'll start with today is number 17. It's titled suffering and Tongan Roshi begins by telling a story. A long time ago, an ancient king of Persia, assembled all the sages and great minds of his time to investigate the meaning of human life. The king was impatient for the answer. But this investigation takes time, he was told. As the years passed, and he waited to receive the fruit of their discussion. He grew old. It took almost all his lifetime. When the king's death was approaching, he demanded to hear the answer in a nutshell. What is it to be human? This was the answer. A person is born, suffers and dies, and there is no knowing what comes after that. He must have been shocked. But we cannot deny that for most people, that is true.
The first noble truth is that life is suffering. But most people don't understand the root cause of it. Nor that there's a way to free oneself of it.
tangan Roshi continues, the pain and suffering that each person feels are different, uniquely our own. Suffering comes in endless varieties, endless levels and degrees. There is the suffering of not getting what you want. The suffering of getting what you don't want. The pain of being separated from those you love. And the opposite pain of having to be with someone you can't stand. There is also the pain of not being recognized, causing dissatisfaction and frustration.
Our suffering arises from our attachments to things to people as well as to status rank. If you see yourself as a person of any rank, whether it's high or low, entitled or unworthy, that's a kind of attachment to status as is the idea that others are judging us as one way or the other. All attachments involve clinging to self.
Here in such sheen, the structured nature of the schedule goes a long way, in helping us to let go of attachments. But even within the rigorous structure of sesshin it's amazing how we can find loopholes. Find ways to pursue our self interests. It can happen by running through your head some elaborate idea while doing zazen. telling yourself that this idea is absolutely brilliant. It might be coming up with a joke to play on someone else, coming up with a grand solution to a problem. Or making vacation plans.
This clinging to self can also happen in in much more subtle ways during 16. Like taking maybe taking a longer shower or eating more food than then you really need to, or habitually leaving the Kenyan line to get some water, not because you're thirsty just to kind of escape and escape from the Zendo.
Also, notice if you find yourself staring out the window while you're drinking that glass of water. Your attention split between whatever you're looking at outside and drinking the water. Or maybe you find yourself gazing into the courtyard. Looking around the Zendo sneaking a peek, trying to see how others are doing all these little ways that trigger thought activity. And as soon as you notice, all you got to do is respond by returning to the practice. That's all that you need to do. judging yourself for a lapse in the tension doesn't help. And it's unnecessary. You're just adding more thoughts. Just notice and Return. Make it clean.
And remember to keep keep the eyes down. It's so important and not inviting in stimuli. And that applies not just to folks here at Chapin Mill, but those sitting on Zoom.
With the exception of dog sign, we can keep the eyes down. If you're on Zoom, that means you don't need to look at the screen. You don't need to check out who signed in or check out people's personal sitting spaces
there are so many kinds of attachments and the ones that we're not aware of or that we flat out deny having when confronted by it. are the ones that cause perhaps the greatest suffering because the awareness isn't there. Doesn't matter so much that we have attachments we all have. What matters is that we're aware err when we notice and take the appropriate course of action
and the suffering the cause often shows up in the form of anxiety, general feeling of anxiety or just dissatisfaction with ourselves or with others for not measuring up to some imaginary standard
wanting things to be different from how they are. And therefore not seeing what is
This is
Tanya and Roshi goes on, there are forms of suffering, far more extreme than what most people experience in their lives. Suffering can be so intense that even though you need a new desire to sleep, you can't. You can't eat, because the food won't pass down your throat. You know what it is that you are supposed to do when you wake up in the morning, and go through your day. But you can't do it. Can't even remember how it's done. You are unable to settle down and concentrate on anything. Such a degree of suffering can come to you and can become your life. There are those who meet with this type of deep suffering, even as children, others might meet it in adolescence, something might happen at that time, that causes a person to stop believing in life, to fail to see the value of it. Many people go through this getting up in the morning, going to work filling their stomachs when they have to be filled. But even if desires are gratified, it doesn't mean anything.
What he's describing here sounds a lot like depression. He doesn't use that word. But yeah, those are classic symptoms of an imbalance in one's brain chemistry. And it can be experienced, not just mentally and emotionally but physically.
Not surprisingly, there are a number of people in our Sangha that have depression. Just as there are a number of people in the general population. It's an epidemic. And while says Zen isn't a cure, a lot of people report that doing Zen, especially doing it regularly, really helps lessen the symptoms and makes it easier to manage. And for some struggling with depression is what brings them to practice in the first place.
It's important to know by the way, that depression in no way impedes one's practice, it's in no way a hindrance. The same goes with any kind of illness or disease, whether it's acute or chronic. It's not a hindrance to practice. It's not a hindrance to waking up. The only hindrance is clinging to self
to seeing oneself as separate
Tangen-roshi continues desires are self propagating and there will always be the continuation of wanting the seeds of pain are boundless, but the root of all of them is grasping at I me mine the misconception of a self so to say that desires are self propagating is to say that the more we chase after what we want, the more we want more, the more we continue to chase once we get what we want, it's not enough we want better we want larger hire more and more and more
we tell ourselves that we're lacking we don't what we have is is not enough who we are is not enough
and then we don't see what we do have and what is right here
do you hear it
Do you see it
it's hiding in plain sight
completely ordinary, this
it's amazing
he then says, each and every person has problems. Everyone holds something in their heart. And this becomes baggage. These bags become heavy and living becomes the pain of not being able to lay down those heavy bags for even an instant. Some people's baggage is heavier than others. Some people's suffering is deeper than others. But if you if you are a human being that is just equal to saying you are already carrying baggage.
To be human is to suffer. To be born, to live and to die is to suffer.
Then he says somebody arriving here at BU Coco G to do Zen for the first time. Had a backpack on his back and bags in both hands. I told him to come in and have some tea with the others. And he proceeded to go and have tea still carrying his backs. That made sense, because he didn't know yet east from West and he hadn't been told Hold where he was going to rest. So I indicated to him that he could put his bags down there. He put down the bags he was holding, but he still kept the bag on his back his backpack. So I figured he had forgotten he was carrying, he finally noticed that he needed to take his backpack off. And he did. Then I told him, you still have one more burden you're carrying around, don't you? And He answered, that bag isn't so easy to lay down.
That bag isn't so easy to lay down. It was good to hear that and meant that he had reached the point where it would be easy to show him the way where he could reflect on this heaviness this burden. Many people still don't realize what they are carrying around. And that suffering is the fabric of their lives.
We've all got baggage that we carry, baggage to work with. It's another word for delusion. And some of us hold on tightly to our baggage. Because it's all we know. Oddly, oddly enough, there's safety and security that comes with hanging on to that which is familiar. That which is habitual, even if it causes us pain
we can experience heavy baggage in a number of number of ways, including the literal sense of filling our life with stuff being a so called packrat. Acquiring lots of material possessions, filling your home with stuff can be such a burden can make you feel overwhelmed, even depressed. And yet you're not willing to let go of it.
Another kind of baggage is clinging to the idea that you're downtrodden such that your whole identity is wrapped up in the idea that you're a victim, an outsider and This too can feel very heavy. Always thinking that others are out to get you always thinking that you just don't measure up
and another type of heavy baggage is seeing yourself as morally right or correct. morally superior, we could say are so many problems in our world. So many positions that we can take. We want things to be a certain way. We want there to be equality and justice. We want suffering to end
want the planet to heal
but If we spend our energy, all our energy, thinking about it, stewing in it and taking a self righteous stance is that helping? What good is that. So even even with the best intentions, we can be attached to an image of how we want the world to be are wanting is for things to be not as they are. And if we cling to that we cut ourselves off from life as it is that which is immediate, direct. What we're experiencing here right now.
Tongue in Roshi continues, the Buddha used to say that this world is an ocean of suffering. But that is only if you grasp at the waves. The ocean in essence, is great freedom. There are waves upon waves in the great ocean. All kinds of waves appear. You may grasp the crest of a wave and assume that this is me. The water of the great ocean certainly appears as waves. But there's no need to grasp at them. The wave is in essence, the water of the great ocean. The wave can sometimes seem happy, happy, sometimes fortunate. Other times we may grasp at the wave of bitterness, unhappiness, and pain and think that's all we are. Up and down, up and down.
Up and down, up and down. Sounds a lot like what we experience in sesshin. Then he says, are you satisfied with passing your whole life and dying like this? grasping at the waves, you will know plenty of worry, plenty of dissatisfaction, and plenty of frustration. Because darkness is just a part of the package. Really, the waves, the myriad forms are all a part of the great ocean, encouraging you to wake up to your true nature. Wave after wave after wave are encouraging you, pushing you. The more painful the experience you have, the more it can be a seed for your awakening. You know how easy it is to get caught up in a certain degree of happiness in a heavenly realm. Pleasant and fun. Distracted in this way, you could pass a lifetime so the waves of pain and bitterness may especially encourage you. Everything is urging you awaken to life. It's your own reality.
wave after wave after wave
stay on course stay with the practice
if you don't let go of your baggage now this moment whatever you're carrying right now when while you were each fully equipped with this practice this method of letting go just have to be persistent. Patient no grasping trust the method and trust in your own Buddha nature there's a reason why this practice has been around for some 3000 years you can't trust yourself trust that
tongue Tang and Roshi says sometimes it's hard sometimes it's trying. When the struggle is bitter, the struggle is bitter. This hardship is you it is your life cannot avoid it the tears of struggle that wet your sleeves no matter what comes up it is just as it is it is your life there's nothing outside your life
a Lotus has to work its way up through the muck it's nurtured by IT work works its way up from the bottom and then opens
practice does feel hard though. And yet it really is incredibly simple. Just returning to Mu tofu just returning to the breath who am I? What am I so simple. As soon as you notice that you're caught in thoughts. You go back what makes it hard is that we over exert ourselves. We tense up we strain we grasp for things to change. We don't like it when things feel kind of boring and dull. We don't like it when we're tired. achy
we need to just be with that
that's our true nature to it's not some happy place. When we stop straining ourselves when we relax, relax into just experiencing the conditions that we're in without the judgments without the commentary, without the escape plan. We start to practice in a whole new way. We feel alive. Things open up
tongue and Roshi says, practice what cannot be practiced, and door What cannot be endured, resolved to work in this way, and strengthen and freshen your resolve. You will know that your tears were not in vain, you will know that they were not wasted. If you give your all you will receive all the tears of pain will become the warm tears of Dharma joy and gratitude when tears have rotted away the sleeves of your robe where will you be able to put all your joy
it's not talking about being a samurai warrior here. It's not talking about straining.
Talking about surrendering yourself to your practice, giving yourself fully to it
practice will cannot be practiced. You're already a Buddha. How can we practice that? There's nothing you need. Everything's in place. Nothing that we need to change. Nothing that we need to control
the Sufi poet Rumi said you think that with a little contrivance this can be yours but only death to contrivance will do it.
We have some more time left. So I'm going to now read a story that Tongan Roshi tells in another chapter. It's titled the power of a daffodil. Not too long ago. We had a brilliant display of daffodils here at Chapin Mill
here's the story. There is a stone in front of my temple that says Foucault's on boo Coco G. Under the foundation of this stone, we had to put in a thick layer of asphalt in an unplanned, sudden repair. The year before daffodils grew, they're in the soil, and they bloomed beautifully. If I had remembered, I would have transplanted them elsewhere. But in a rush, we forgot about them, and their bulbs were buried under the thick asphalt Then in the springtime, as I was passing by one day, I noticed a little light green sprout had broken through from under that asphalt that even a strong blow from a hammer could hardly budge. The delicate green spout sprout grew each day, becoming longer and longer, and then sending out a cute little leaf. One week, two weeks, one month passed. Then from the stem, a flower emerged and beautifully bloomed in this in the spring breeze, it gently waved. Every day, I went to greet that Daffodil in deep reverence. Where did you get such great power from? Looking at the little flower? I couldn't help but cry. Where did you get such power? With it was so straightforward. The tips of its leaves peeping out as they first emerged from the asphalt sort of shy but not giving in to the weight of the heavy material above them. Not giving in to any obstacle. They gave their all and burst right up and stretched out. But there was no hint in them of haughtiness or self importance. They weren't saying I came up through this hard asphalt I broke through, look at me. No notion of I hate this hard asphalt and I sure would like to be some other place softer. No taint of superiority nor hint of inferiority just as it is this pretty little daffodils effort, its power, this force of the gentle sprouting of its green leaves from the bulb. This noble strength What is it just earnestly obediently receiving all that there is to receive just growing and not setting limits upon itself. We have to revere this one little Daffodil shining in the sunshine it is truly noble. Selfless.
Such a beautiful story
well, it's a very ordinary story. It's about a daffodil. Just being a daffodil doing what daffodils do.
Nothing special.
And then he says, It is not difficult to break through the illusory wall of a separate self. What is difficult is to vacillate it is so difficult to try to cling to your small ideas of I can only go this far. I can only go this far. In truth, there is no one who can belittle oneself. There is no me aim to limit you. You can awaken to the life in which everything is revered. Because you have this power, you have the same power as the daffodil. The time will come. When true nature reveres itself. Excuses will arise. My practice just doesn't seem to cut it to match up to what it should be. I'm not practicing the way I'm supposed to. Good, that's good. Just practice this here. And now as you have been instructed, don't attach, don't listen to any thoughts or self judgments, just do the practice that isn't what it should be. Just do the practice. That isn't what it should be. Just do it. Now in here, no matter what comes up, just accept it. Just step as you are shown to step and that means just do this one step. Just this one there's no point in ever comparing ourselves to others or imitating others just to be decently openly accept it for yourself with care make every possible effort be totally dedicated. Holy endeavor, don't hold back cutting through every obstruction you can do that because you have this power this great power everything right down to the tiniest weed that grows in the Earth. Each grain of sand has this power nothing's outside we are all endowed with it we receive it all the power is yours always and forever this is your true life Give it your all.
Time passes quickly by
before you know it will be at the midway point of such sheen.
