[131] A Session on Compassion in Challenging Times – with Joe Parent

12:03AM Oct 10, 2023

Speakers:

Alyssa

Joe Parent

Stephanie Ramer

laura

Keywords:

compassion

breathe

feel

practice

suffering

posture

front

shoulders

open

lose

bit

hard

slogans

peace

eyes

filling

people

ignorance

breastbone

deep

Well welcome everyone I was just saying to Alyssa. The world has gone to hell in a handbasket with this whole horrific thing happening in Palestine and Israel and Gaza and Israel and it makes us forget that it's also happening in Ukraine. As many people are dying there at the same time from the Russian invasion, and all the other armed conflicts all over the world. It just seems like the world's on fire. So it's a time for us to appreciate our situation if we have the good fortune, not to be involved to have compassion for people we may know who have relatives or friends who have been involved in all these things.

And it's really kind of hard to think about anything else. A group that I'm participating in have meditations for have compassion for Ukraine. We work with these Mind Training slogans. The Tibetan word is load Jiang towards low Jiang means training. Low is my one other words for mind. And John is training. Tibetan Buddhism has about 20 different words for mind. You know, they say that whatever is the most important thing in your culture, you have the most words for like Eskimos have 20 different words for snow. And Tibetan Buddhists have 20 different words for mind. So this mind training is about thinking of others and not making such a big, big deal out of ourselves. One of the slogans that we were looking at, could be translated as don't take yourself too seriously.

So as far as the compassion practice goes, we have some very direct and gross situations of opportunities for compassion of for the the fear and horror and pain that people are going through. The people directly going through and then it reverse ripples out the people who know that who our loved ones and then the people who know them who know them and then it just ripples out and affects so many more people. But that's a very vivid and direct experience of the pain. And then and then you look at behind that the incredible country confusion and a perspective, a horrible perspective that makes it make sense to kill and torture people. How could it? How could that make sense other than it being a rather twisted around convoluted logic but it also and it comes out of all of these negative emotions of anger, hatred, may me the basic one is ignorance. And not in a not knowing kind of ignorance, but in a grasping onto the wrong end of the stick kind of ignorance that gets this convoluted logic and an anger always has a logic that goes with it and and it's always flawed. That's what gets you to the place of pitting yourself against other human beings and other animals.

And so we have the that deeper level of these afflictive and they call them afflictions because they they produce suffering for ourselves and for others, even though we if we're acting out of anger, we think that's just hurting the others it's it's also hurting ourselves. And so a deeper compassion is compassion for all the beings in in all the situation that have their basic heart of that has a potential for wisdom and compassion and love, twisted around and it creates an excruciating kind of pain that they think gets exercised by acting it out, but it only amplifies it so that can be the object of our compassion. Both wishing for others to be free from suffering, but also wishing for all beings to be free from the causes of suffering what's causing all the suffering and causing people to inflict pain on others and on themselves so that's that level of compassion

and

something that we can be aware of that I wanted to share. I felt like I had to address that. But something on a little more ordinary life level that I wanted to share is how easy it is. For us to give ourselves a hard time. And how hard it is to give ourselves a break. I had a student I was coaching today, and he was just really upset all the mistakes he'd been making. So I had him do the exercise of thinking of you can do it with me if you want to think of a really good friend who's just screwed things up and feels terrible about it. And you say That's okay. Everybody makes mistakes. Or that's okay, Alyssa. Everybody makes mistakes. And it's easy to say that it's you know, it feels good to be comforting to a friend. So now I want you to say the same thing, but just put your name in there. That's okay, Joe. Everybody makes mistakes. kind of sticks doesn't doesn't come out as easily. And we give ourselves such a hard time and and and he was saying I know I there's a perfectionism there that we think we're supposed to be perfect in some way. And anything less than that. We feel really bad. And then and then he pointed something really interesting out he said it's hard to say you know, it's okay. You know, I know I screwed up but I'll learn from it and, and I forgive myself. That's hard to say for a lot of us. And then he said, But why is it so why is it so easy to say? You effing idiot? I can't believe you're so stupid. Or that's easy. In fact, I kind of enjoy saying that to myself. And if if somebody else said that to you, you take offense. You know, you might say, Who do you think you are talking to me like that? Now, you might not say it but you might wish you had said it to that person. So we came up with a really good saying when you find yourself talking to yourself that way. Now we're getting into self kindness, self compassion. When you find yourself talking to yourself that way you can say Who do I think I am talking to me that way. So you can try that. Write it down. Who do I think I am talking to me like that? Somebody important. Somebody who knows better? Somebody who gets everything right? Right. That's who we think we are. Talking to this this the other the one of us that doesn't do that so much. And when we're having a hard time, the practice is know that there are millions of other beings who are having a similar hard time let alone the millions that are having a much worse time. You know, we what we call a nightmare. Or a disaster usually is just an inconvenience. What people are going through now in these war zones, that's a nightmare in a disaster. So so all you you can what you can do and we'll do this in the compassion section. Whatever we're going through, think, well, millions of other beings are experiencing this. If I have to experience it, let them be included in mine. And breathe that in. And then I wish they had relief from it and breathe that out to them. And you may find that as you're breathing relief out to them. You're also breathing relief to yourself. So that's the focus of our compassion section to establish the ground for that we're going to do our basic centering and settling practice and then mindfulness to work with distinguishing being present from being often thoughts and then opening ourselves up for the compassion practice. So let's get started.

As you hear the sound of the gong fade, just settle into your good posture. It's good to not be looking directly into the screen. But the first part doesn't matter because we're going to have our eyes closed. And start with really feeling your seat and sinking into your seat. Whether it's a cushion on the ground or a chair, cushion Krishna chair, just sink in there and move from side to side a little bit so that your weight is evenly distributed between your sit bones. You're not sitting more on one hip than the other. You want your back to feel straight and upright without being rigid. And again, you can tilt from side to side a little bit and find that place where you're not tilted to one side or the other. Not forward or back as your legs. If you're on a cushion on the floor, you're cross legged and a chair you can have your feet flat on the floor about hip width apart unless your knees are too high and then just cross your legs gently in front of you so that your knees are a little lower than your hips. That's important sitting on a cushion as well. As for your arms, you want your upper arms hanging straight down and your hands palm down on each thigh. So you're not reaching forward or cold artificially back is wherever your upper arms are hanging straight down from your shoulders. Wherever that is then put your hands calm down each thigh. We don't want our chin floating up or tucked down so you can just gently gently very gently pull it in just a little bit straight in and that should make the back of your head extend a little bit upwards so that this feels like a straight line from the back of the top of your head all the way down to your tailbone. And we spent so much time over computers and it's so easy to curl our shoulders forward feel like the spot about the middle of your breastbone. Move it up and forward just the tiniest bit, a half inch up and forward. You feel that it opens your chest your shoulders naturally go back a little bit if you do that without letting your shin float up, you'll feel a very, very upright posture. It's a firm straight back and an open chest open front open heart so that open heart gives us an uplifted Head and Shoulders

your jaw is relaxed but not hanging slack open. We want to be breathing in through our nose. And meanly breathing out through our nose but if a little bit goes out our through through our lips, it's okay so whatever you're more comfortable with your lips just very very lightly touching are very very slightly parted. Your tongue wherever it feels natural. Some people are comfortable letting their tongue float up and rest gently touching the upper palate behind their teeth, behind their front teeth. Whatever feels most comfortable and natural with your eyes gently closed

with your awareness moves throughout your body. You have we're so in our heads Be aware of your feet. Calves ankles, your legs. Just notice how they feel. They're up front and under you till your torso. Tune in again to that the back the feeling the Open Heart your three dimensional feel the depth of your torso front to back. shoulders and arms

your head balanced on your neck on your shoulders on your torso. Soon inhabit your body. Now let's sweep away the unnecessary, unnecessary tension anything you don't need to hold that posture just from head to toe. Scan your scalp forehead, face. jaw. The tension melt out of your jaw. See your neck and shoulders really let your shoulders just just with your chest raised up your shoulders can hang straight down without curling forward

firm back soft shoulders. A canvas hanging from Temple is worth pulled out into attempt

to some tension needing to raise your sternum your breastbone up a little bit. Everything else can relax around it around your ribcage, your upper arms, lower back deep belly. Sometimes we don't even realize we're clenching our deep belly and genitals. Our whole pelvic region without losing your posture, let all that soften that the tension melt out of there. Tension is a feeling of needing to protect ourselves. For a few minutes, we can relax that protection hips, size forearms and hands. Knees calves, ankles and feet

just feel your body breathing itself

you can feel the cool dry air coming in your nostrils warm moist air going out feel it going down the back of your throat filling your lungs as you as your body inhales it does so by the diaphragm pushing down. So feels like your belly is expanding. Like your torso is filling and expanding. To breathe out the diaphragm comes up and it feels like your lower torso is contracting. Empty

but your awareness rests there deep in the core of your lower torso. A few inches below your navel just in front of your spine being an observer, let your body breathe itself however it wants to long breath or short breath deep or shallow. Just tune into that feeling deep in your core as expanding as it fills, contracting as it empties

just notice the rhythm as if you're sitting on the beach watching as the surf after the waves break the water runs up the beach and then pulls back down into the ocean runs up goes back out

with your eyes gently open maintain your awareness of that feeling of filling and emptying. Let your eyes only open halfway. He's looking down under your eyelids you're watching your body breathe itself in the space that you're sitting in

If your mind wanders off into a thought thoughts may come and go sounds may come and go. Let them come and go but if a thought takes you away into a series of thoughts, so you're no longer aware of your body and your breathing. That that moment just make a little mental note thinking or thought which is code for I was lost in thoughts. I just realized it which means I'm back. tuned into my posture breathing in the space I'm sitting in will do that. For a few Minutes.

you gotten drowsy and your eyes have closed. Just reinvigorate your posture. Open your eyes fully just look for a bit further out

you feel the whole process of the breath in your nostrils down deep into your core out of your core and out your nostrils.

If your mind has been really busy and you come back to one or two breaths and are gone again. More detail oriented about the feeling deep in your core. Starting to fill filling and full fully expanded the transition gap and starting to empty emptying and fully empty the transition a shift to Sterling to fill filling in full shift starting to empty all the details of that experience.

Fill your mind so you are mindful

refresh yourself.

move a little if you need to. When you're ready, retake your posture, but this time, let your eyes be open naturally. And we have that posture and we have a relaxed Outlook with our eyes open naturally. Arise or looking slightly downward from horizontal. Not as low as when I was half open, but slightly downward, out in front of you. Wherever your eyes rest, let them rest there but open up your peripheral vision soften your gaze. See see the big space in front of you, above you to each side. All around feeling sitting in that space and as you breathe out, your breath goes out into the atmosphere of the room the air in the room and mixes with the air in the room. In the same way, with each out breath. Open up more to the space that you're sitting in. less focused on this. more open to that not anything in particular. Just everything in the space. All the colors, shapes and shades of light and dark the feeling of spaciousness in front of you. Any sounds in the environment. You may have sensations in your body that you're aware of. You're just open to whatever you're experiencing thoughts may come and go. Let them come and go. As if you're looking at the sky and a bird flew across, it doesn't leave a trail breathe out. Open up, let go. And then resting that spaciousness. Your body will breathe in by itself. That may be part of your awareness. But it's not a big deal. Out. Open, let go and rest. Out open let go and rest. Again, if your mind wanders, have a sense of humor about it. Smile. Don't give yourself a hard time. Again, the mental note thinking says is a code for oh, I was just lost in thoughts. Having realized it. I'm back in the present moment. Out open. Let go and rest we'll do that for a couple of minutes.

Raise your gaze even more to her the horizon. In open up, imagine that your awareness is as big as the sky out in front, all around above you.

If you'd like you could consider the night sky. Limitless in all directions

from the vast openness, room to mind, you can do this with your eyes open or closed. bring to mind some aspects of the suffering that's going on in your own life in the world today.

You open your heart, your heart of compassion just simply with the wish. I wish that those beings were free from suffering even for a moment. A pause in the suffering they're going through

some people find it helpful to put their hand on their heart. That's okay. If you're comfortable you can do that or not up to you but feel your heart of compassion opening up in wishing that others are free from suffering

if you're going through a particular difficulty know that there are millions of others going through very similar if not exactly the same kind of feeling. painful feeling and as you breathe in imagine that you're including all of those in yours if I have to feel this, okay, at least let other people be free from theirs and let it be included in mind.

Imagine and as you breathe in whatever suffering you're considering in others and as you breathe in, you're drawing that suffering away from them, freeing them from relieving their suffering

as you breathe out, imagine that you're sending out from your heart of compassion rays of cool moonlight of kindness, soothing and giving them peace and contentment. replacing their suffering with peace and contentment.

If you'd like to go deeper imagine that you can breathe in and take away from them as you breathe in. The causes of suffering fear

breathe as you breathe in take away their hatred. Show them with love. Take away confusion and ignorance. Show them with clarity and wisdom

take away the anger and hatred fill their hearts with love loving kindness and compassion.

All of our hearts possess loving kindness and compassion. Sometimes it's bound up breathe out and let it go send it out. It's it's an infinite resource. You don't run out. In fact, the more you send out the more you have. The more you send out the less bound up that energy of loving kindness and compassion send it out take away the suffering send out the love and compassion.

Expand it as best you can to all beings everywhere.

There's the gong fed let go what you're imagining. Reconnect reinvigorate your posture, lower your gaze. Your eyes are closed open them halfway. Get back in your body. Feeling your body breathing itself. Filling and expanding. Emptying and contracting

thank you for your practice. And as we usually do, having said our intention at the beginning of the session, to want to express our compassion for others. At the end of the session, we want to dedicate whatever benefit came from the practice we did to others. So you can repeat after me or put it in your own words whatever you'd like. Made the practice we've just done. be of benefit to others, even more so than to ourselves. That's real generosity. So thank you so much. And we have a little time if you have questions about the practice, or you have comments or observations that you'd like to share, please be generous in that way and share them with everyone. And I think Alyssa it's okay for everybody to unmute themselves right yeah, they should can. Okay, good. Kim, now I have a question. Do you have these already ready to go before and then you hit the chat? Because you have these very thoughtful and elaborate questions that come up almost the second I say do you have any questions so it makes you wonder. I'll read if you don't have the chat open. I'll read. Dr. Joe, do you think we can ever truly have peace on earth? I know we have to start with ourselves. This meditation was very peaceful. Thank you You're right. We have to start with ourselves. Peace on Earth. And yeah, I don't know. You know, the idea is to have moments of that and then have them extend so we start with ourselves, we have moments of peace of mind where we get worked up again. And so if we can tune into those moments and say, Yeah, that's where I belong. And it's okay to be here. Then they can extend out a little bit. Now, once we've gotten some experience, some glimpse of that peace. We don't want to just smooth everything over and feel like well, I just want to be in that peaceful state all the time. So I'll just shut my door and try to meditate. Well, at some point you got to get up and get something to eat or go to the bathroom or something to drink. So the idea is once we've learned how to do it in in a still mode then we take it into action and find peace while we're in action. And then it extends through much of what we do. More and more and more the more we do that, the more the people that we engage with. kind of pick up on it. Human beings are like tuning forks, you have two tuning forks. You know those things that are have a like a really long U shape and a stem. If you hit the two there's two branches if you hit one of them, it vibrates if you have another one nearby, it picks up the same vibration without you having to hit it on anything. So human beings are tuning forks, we pick up each other's vibrations. So that's what we can spread out like ripples. Think of it as ripples. of wakefulness, going out and out and out and out and out. And if we keep sending them out to ourselves and others, it ripples through everything we do and then it ripples through everything we encounter. And that's not just theory. That's based on a couple 1000 years of observation.

Thank you, Pat, she wrote. Thanks, she thanks everyone. For amplifying the peace through our presence

somebody better hold their seat and not lose their marbles. Let's do our best

isn't there like a wretched Kipling poem or something like that when the world everybody's losing their heads about you? Somebody might know that better. Which logo junk slogan was I referring to number 56 Eric which sometimes is translated as Don't wallow in self pity. Sometimes don't expect reciprocation and I like the one that said Don't take yourself too seriously and make a big deal about how compassionate you are. Oh. But those are these slogans are subtle they pick up on how we trick ourselves sometimes

I like the new one I came up with. Who do I think I am talking to me that way?

You have to go Laura.

No, I just wanted to make a comment. Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. I'm so grateful for this wonderful meditation. Thank you are really I have been with all sorts going on the world you mentioned, the world's seeming like it's on fire. And that's a very good description of how I've been feeling. And it just seemed to me lately in my own head, and I really felt it in this in this meditation, because I was able to get very, very deep calm and peaceful and then spin out so much and so wildly that I didn't even realize until a Gong Gong goes up. Thank you for that gong. But I look are telling them in Mexico I live in the state of Guerrero. So there are things going on around here that that come on a sec me personally, they come close to me neighbors, you know things like that. Well, that's going on and now this war breaking out, and I have a very dear lifetime friend whose family is in Israel. And so I'm like sticking degrees to all these things. And I have another friend whose Ukrainian lives up the street her family's Indonesia which has been there twice in the last year trying to get them out and they won't leave. Right. And and I'm close to her suffering. You know, seeing her suffering. And then and then I have a dear sister who lives in Melbourne and I just love her. And she has a son who lives in progressive, you know, those young very idealistic, very anti war. And I was chatting with her and she casually said to me that her son had figured out and he was so angry that it figured out that the reason all this violence was happening is the rich twos, rich Jews had a reason to want and I think this was a

conspiracy theory going around in the 1930s also.

Yeah, I think it's been going around like forever but my heart broke to hear her say that these are good people you know, loving your people.

miss the confusion and ignorance that we want to

take away from my reaction. Not like anger, but are like intense desire to break through that like, That's bullshit. I got it in a way that she would hurt you know, and I really tried and I was was even like trying to meditate as I was talking to her trying to stay calm. So I'm not just like reacting. And she did react a little bit defensively. She said hold on my son's anti war. He's not anti semitic. You know? And then I tried really hard to say what I was saying and in a way that she might be able to hear we got through that. I don't know if it was

the only thing you can see. Yeah, the only thing you can say is it. It's the problem is it sounds like that. That way you don't have to say this. But you say it's the problem. And that it sounds like that.

Yeah. The way you put things is really important that happened. It went fairly well but then I got in these last couple of days I've just been so churned up with all this going on. And having this feeling like wow, the world's on fire and all these horses and even good people. Need well get swept up into this mind. Right and and now there's a hurricane. A hurricane going on around me so you guys can hear hurricane and it all seems to be like so what should we do the same thing?

What shall we do?

Yeah. I came to meditation group. Because it just helped me it really helped me. Calm down. I don't, I'm not

saying to do is no there are millions of other people experiencing just what you are. And as you breathe in, just say if I'm going through this. At least I have tools I have I have a way to breathing may they have peace and calm

down practice with that's the best thing you can do. That's a really valuable tool and your dog

as well.

The dog right yes, I know that you beat me. Thank you.

We can take a cut of go fine if there's anybody else who'd like to share. ML were you raising your hand or waving? I can't hear you.

I was waving. Thank

you Dr. Joe. That was a wonderful meditation. You're welcome. All right, opening our warming

as I was doing it, I was thinking how do I know how to say these things? And I don't know. It's just the grace of my teachers. So I feel I feel and you and it's you guys. So thank you for creating the environment that this could happen together. It's really important. Yeah, it is. And the other things people want to share hi everybody

well maintain that outlook. Yeah, it looks at there's something sacred everywhere. It's just covered up. What did somebody say? They're dead kept saying. Whenever you're encountering things like that. Just think there must be a pony in here somewhere

because there's a lot of horse blank

Well, thank you, everybody. Have a good evening morning. Midday wherever you are. And I hope I'll see you in two weeks. And please, in 10 days, come to my Thursday morning one if you can. The links there. Great to see you all by beer get. recording stopped. Or now the recording is done. Now you can actually say something if you want to. Go ahead and unmute yourselves.

Nadine. Hello. I so nice to be with all of you. Oh, there goes Ann's picture. That what time is it on Thursday. Thursday. 9am. Pacific. Where are you Jerry? Detroit, Michigan which is a lifetime. It's not this coming Thursday. It's a week from Thursday the 19th Okay, thank you

everyone. I always lose. I always lose track of time that you have. Is there an automatic meal minder thing that you have

to sign up for my emails? It's there a little bit. There's a lot of golf in them. But it's on my Dr. Joe parent.com website.

I get the golf ones. You know as

the announcement. It always has the announcement on there. And the link

Okay. Okay. Since I don't play golf was an open.

Yes. And the link is right there. It's the same link every time if you go to the website that Alyssa put on right near the beginning, scroll up on your chat. Go ahead and click on it and then it'll be on your computer. See it, practicing mindful awareness

I see it, click on it. Otherwise you'll lose real hang up. So nice to be with all of you thank you again, Alyssa. Yes. Good night. Good night.