Yesterday we heard Katie's story about finding love through a matchmaker. And today we're going to continue this conversation by inviting in a real life matchmaker to share all of her romance wisdom with us. I'm Alicia Rai.
And I'm Sarah Wendell. Welcome to lovestruck daily where we deliver true love stories to your eardrums each and every weekday. I'm in love with that to you. I'm in love with you. How are you today? My work wife.
I'm good. I'm good. How are you doing?
I'm very good. Thank you. Are you ready to tackle another New York Times? 36 questions. Question.
I love this quiz. The 36 questions to fall in love from the New York Times. Yes, we do it every week. One question a week. And we are gonna get to know each other whether you like it or not, Sarah,
I am I am prepared for the sacrifice. Excellent. Excellent. All right, this week's question, if you were able to live to the age of 90, and retain either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would
you want, I
would want 100% on the mind of a 30 year old until I'm 90 That would be like such a huge blessing because I feel like like bodies change and grow. And you know, I'm not I don't like miss my body at 30. I think it was just a different, you know, variation of me. But yeah, I would definitely want the mind of a 30 year old at 90. I think that'd be really cool.
What about you? Neither. Really, neither.
Really,
oh, that's an interesting option.
I love aging. I love aging as a privilege. And I love that. And the older I get, the more I know myself. And first of all, when I was 30, I had my older son, and my body was tired. It was very tired it had developed in barista person. That's a lot of work. I'm grateful with the body I have right now. And I've learned how to take good care of my body. Right. And I also I didn't know jacket 30. I know so much more at 46. And I like what I know that's true. So I don't think I would pick either one. I like the acceptance of my body that I've developed. Because when I was 30, I was much more judgmental and harsh with myself. So my answer is a complete cheat. And I say neither that is achieved, but I respect
that cheat. I mean, we do make your own rules. Yeah, yeah. That's very cool.
But I think it's also interesting. When we talk to our guests, one thing we always ask them is, what they've learned from their experiences and what they've learned from the love experiences that they have. And we are going to jump back into a conversation with Katie, if you were listening yesterday, and if you weren't, you can go back and listen and join us. These episodes are not long and now just you can just lean back along with us. Please binge us. We are going to jump back into our conversation with Katie and we're going to welcome in. I love this professional matchmaker, Talia Goldstein, who is the CEO of premium matchmaking service three day rule. Welcome back, Katie and Talia.
Welcome, guys, it's so nice to see you, Katie, of course. And Talia,
thank you so much for having me
tell you can you tell us a little bit about your company
I would love to. So 3d Roll is a nationwide matchmaking company. And we launched about 12 years ago in Los Angeles. But now we work all across the country. So clients come to us they tell us what they're looking for. And it's our job to find them quality matches, interview the matches and set them up with the best of the best. So it's essentially like outsourcing your love life
in you. You are the founder of this company. Yes,
I started the company while I was working in television. I was at the show e True Hollywood Story. Get out. That's so cool. It was so much fun. But I realized I would just spend my days giving love advice or my cubicle. And I loved it so much. I started setting up my friends and my co workers and I realized I had this hidden talent for matchmaking. And from there, I hosted party so I could bring people together my friends and my co workers and those took off. We had 20 People at the first event and within a few months we were hosting parties for 300 and then 600 people around LA and they were all really interesting, successful, attractive singles. And so it grew out of a passion. But after some of those events, I realized there was something missing in the market that was in 2010
Yeah, definitely something missing in the market around man, I think,
well, at the time there was match and JD and eHarmony. And then the Millionaire Matchmaker, the apps weren't around, and there was nothing in between. And so that's basically what happened. And before I quit my job, I started taking clients on at night just to make sure people would pay me for my services. And so once I set up a couple couple successfully, and they started telling their friends, I realized that it could be a profession. Hmm.
And what what do you think, made people sort of come to you for love advice? In the beginning, was it just, you just had opinions about their love lives and you were ready to give them?
I think I've always been just so interested and curious about people in general, but specifically around love. The I would be the person going up to the exact what no one else wanted to talk to them in general. And like, Suzanne, what's going on? Are you single, you know, tell me everything. So I am shameless. And I'll talk to anyone about their love lives. And I just really just want to help and I want people to be happy.
When you named your company three day rule. Can you just explain what that's named after? For people?
Yes, it's from the movie swingers. It's Vince Vaughn. And it's this old rule where a guy used to wait three days to call a girl. So he didn't seem desperate. Right. So it's just from the movie, we do not believe in the rule. In fact, we don't believe in any rules that 3d roll.
Oh, I mean, I think that that's really good, actually, because I always thought that rule was so outdated. What are some common misconceptions about what you do?
I think some people think matchmaking is for people who are desperate, and who really struggle dating, but it's actually the opposite. So it's for people who can get a date any night of the week, they can go on an app and they can find someone to go out with. That's not the issue. It's just people who are really looking for the highest quality matches. So we're we tend to work with successful busy professionals who really don't have the time to online date, or they're private and they don't want their employees to see them. The average online dater spends 12 hours a week online, it's so it's for people who have full lives, and they really don't have that time and energy to online date. And the apps are so challenging. I'm very convinced people are swiping right past or soulmates on the apps because it's practically impossible to judge someone by a picture and a handful of sentences. And we know for sure that some of our clients swiped past the people they married, they told us.
And it's also hard because in an app, you have to sell yourself and I am very bad at that. But with a matchmaker, you are saying here are the best features of this person that I see. There isn't you're not representing yourself, it's less awkward.
It's definitely less awkward, we get a 360 view of who you are. And we get to share at the best traits about your personality. And it's just so much easier for us to like you said to say, this client is genuine and funny and has gorgeous eyes. Like that's much easier for me to say, for you to say, Yeah, I find that some of the best people have the worst profiles. You know, like,
I agree with that. My fiancee had the worst profile. In fact, it was so bad that when I first met him on our first date, I walked right past him because I couldn't recognize him from his profile pictures like they were so bad. So yeah, I fully fully understand that.
It's like if you have an amazing profile and professional photos, you probably are professional data, you know exactly what to do. You're the charmers, but the gems, I actually matched a couple, they ended up married, and they recently had a kid, he signed up for 3d world with no photo, like who would have swiped on that guy. He didn't even post a photo. But I got to see some other stats about him. And I thought he could be a match.
Katie, of course, is your real life success story. One of them. Katie, does this description is this hitting home for you?
Definitely the part about sort of the apps being kind of exhausting. And just, there's sort of only so much emotional energy you can put on it. And you know, I've sort of on my laptop all day at work. And so the thought of like coming home and spending more time looking at a screen at my second job was not great.
One more thing that's like happening on the apps is people are spinning their wheels, so they're going on dates. They don't get feedback after the date, so maybe they're getting ghosted, and they have no idea why. With matchmaking, we get posted feedback from every date so we know exactly what's happening on the dates and we're able to help our clients become better daters. And it's interesting that sometimes are bridging the gap between two people who like each other and they don't even know like in the real world, they might not have even gone on a second date. But we're able to say, you both really enjoyed each other's company, you should go out again.
Oh, so it's like almost like you're a translator or Yes.
needs a lot of translating, believe it or not, there's a ton of miscommunication.
So what's like a standard process for you guys, you get both of their profiles that they fill out, right? And their photos? And then what where do you go from there.
So while we're one on one with our clients, we get to know them really well. And what they're looking for, we come up with must haves and deal breakers, so we know what the non negotiables are. And then our job is to go interview all of the people who could be a potential match for our client. And when we do have someone that we think could be a fit, we share with our client photos a bio, we tell them all about the match and why we chose them. And then they go on the date. And after we get feedback from both sides. And that's pretty much the process. And once they have someone that they like, they can pause and really focus on that one person. Otherwise, we'll continue to send them matches
is there like an upper limit of how many matches you'll do for somebody?
We work? It there's no cap, but we're brimming with people to bully for three months or six months. So in that timeframe. Wilson, anyone who's fit, we're not trying to put you on 100 dates. We're trying to do all that work for you. So we might interview 1015 options before we send you one,
Katie, how long? How long were you with the matchmakers
I was working with Melissa for a little over six months, like kind of starting and then I was out of town and then the holidays. I think we like I think I like officially signed up in July and I met my boyfriend in February.
That's better success than the apps honestly. I was on and off them for like a decade. So now,
post date feedback was really helpful for me, actually. Yes, about the date, but also just about, there were things that I think I didn't articulate as important to me in the beginning that like once I had sort of post mortem, a couple of dates with Melissa. I was like, Oh, actually, it's really, really important to me that somebody has a glass half full outlook. And I definitely couldn't have said that in the first meeting.
Oh, wow. Like that is a very like niche thing, because I wouldn't have even considered that on my little list by myself.
Right? And yeah, neither did I. Yeah,
it must be so comforting. Also to know if you're working with a matchmaker, you're working with someone who knows more than you do about this process. Like the big difference between like me attempting to watch a YouTube video and change the oil on my car versus taking it to somebody who could get that done in five seconds. That's why you invest in someone who has expertise, right? The idea of having the comfort of someone not only giving you the postmortem feedback, but helping you recognize what you want, and then facilitating it for you. That sounds like such a comfort and a relief. Was that your experience? Katie?
Yeah, it was a lot of play conversations with Melissa sort of what I would like describe what was happening. And then I'd be like, am I? Am I crazy? Like,
is this a legit reaction to what's happening? Because like, I just need you to tell me like, am
I within the bell curve? And my. And it was, it was really helpful to have somebody who was like, No, that's legit. And like, let's talk about what that means that you're feeling? Yeah.
Is there target Do you have?
I mean, is there a match for everybody? Or do you have to come across profiles where you're like, I'm sorry, we don't have anybody for you, or we're not sure what you're looking for? Whatever the reason is, well, definitely,
there's a match for everyone. Yes, we don't work with everyone. We'll only you know, work with you if we feel we can deliver based on what you're looking for. But if you come in with, you know, a pretty open mind, and you're willing to trust the process, we would love to work with you. And that is really the right word for this. It is a process. It can be really iterative, as Katie was saying, oftentimes the criteria that we start with is not what we end with. So people come to us and they'll say, here are all the things we're looking for. We'll help them categorize it. And then over time, after every date, we're making small changes along the way. And so oftentimes, the people who end up in a long term relationship are with someone outside of their original criteria. But it's a journey. Yeah, we work with you on the process to get there.
So you're saying sometimes, like, people don't know what they want, maybe until oftentimes until I say yes, oftentimes, yeah.
Well, it's tough because we create this list based on what our parents want for us and romantic comedies and Disney movies and we think we're looking for X, Y and Z, that at the end of the day isn't truly what will make us happy or matter in 20 years. So for example, so many women come to us and they'll say, I want someone over six feet tall. Okay? Why? And also 7% of single men in the US are over six feet tall, are you willing to narrow your pool to 7%, plus everything else you're looking for. And so part of our job is educating them, and to really help them figure out what is most important, and if that's it, great. But if there's something that's higher up on the list, let's focus on that. What we feel is if you are remotely attracted, attracted to the person, and they seem kind, go on a second day, yeah, you really have nothing to lose. And so oftentimes, it's that third, fourth fifth date, where you really get to see what that person is like, and then all of a sudden, like they're the hottest guy in the room.
Katie, did your criteria or your Outlook kind of change over those six months?
Yeah, I mean, I think I was less specific on sort of the human packaging, as it were, I think I was, I had some stuff where I was like, I really want somebody who has a good relationship with their family. And I went out on a date with a guy who was very nice, but it was clear that probably 80% of his free time he spent with his mom. And I was like, that is a little, I think too much have a good relationship with your family that I'm looking for. I'm looking for someone who maybe has more balanced relationships. Yeah. So like the sort of the levels of the things that I was looking for would evolve over the process.
So say, somebody is tired of the apps and everything out there, and they want to come to you what sort of preparation do you recommend that they do before they come to you? Is there any prep work? Or do you just guide them through this,
some people feel like I will do my checking when I'm ready, like when I'm fully whole, and I've done the work, you don't have to do that, like that's very much part of this process is learning about yourself. So there's no prep, like we are here to do this with you, where your teammate and your cheerleader, your therapist, and everything rolled into one. And if you're ready for a committed relationship, I highly recommend signing up with a matchmaker, or at least joining the database that's completely free to be matched with one of our clients.
What has this business taught you personally about like love and relationships,
everyone is unique and so interesting. And dating is nuanced. And I just really love people. So part of my job is to interview people and get to know them. And everyone is so interesting and fascinating. And so our job is just to find them the perfect person for them, but it's not one size fits all like everyone's looking coming from a different background and looking for something slightly different.
Oh, that's so nice. Thank you so much Telly, can you tell us where people can find you? And three day rule
three day rule you could anyone can sign up you have to spell it out. And then we're also 3d are on all social. And I'm at Talia gold's.
Awesome, and thank you. Thank you so much for coming on. We really appreciate thank you so much for having me. Thank you, Katie.
Thank you, Sarah.
That was such a good conversation. I love seeing Katie again. And it was so nice to me. Tell ya.
Coolest, coolest job.
Yeah, very cool job. What was your love to go for today? What what's your take away?
Well, I love the fact that not only was Talia the person that everyone came to for advice, but she set up a company so that people could get help with something that's hard, which is finding people to date. So I think our love to go is don't be afraid to hire an expert if that's what you need to do. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Yeah, in anything No, absolutely. Yes. There's a lot of pressure I think to go in alone and do your own research and all of that and I love learning things. But I also love saying okay, my time has value and I am not an expert at this and I am comfortable saying I don't know anything about this. I will hire someone or consult with someone who knows more than me and lots and lots of people know lots more than me.
And we would really love to learn about you and whether you're an expert in something as so please please please send us an email at lovestruck daily at frolic dot media. If you have a love story to share or any questions or thoughts, please follow us on Instagram and Twitter at lovestruck daily for extra content and please we love love love reviews. So please leave a review, subscribe and spread the word about our show. So we can bring a little happily ever after to everybody's lives.
Our researcher is Jesse Epstein. Our editor is Jen Jacobs. We are produced by Abigail steckler and little Scorpion studios and Gillian Davis with executive producer frolic media. This is an I Heart Radio Podcast and for goodness sakes, just ready I'm in love with love with you I'm in love with you
