Episode 22 audio

Steff Gallante37min

Steff Gallante

00:00

Hello, my friend, welcome. I hope this moment finds you in space and ease. And if not quite, my hope is that you will exhale into that very soon or into whatever it is that might be more aligned for you. Today, the shit we need to talk about is taking it easy, because you're asleep, and really so many other processes within your being will thank you. Now, if you've been listening pretty regularly, you may be remembering an episode that I did recently on leisure. And in case you're wondering if this will be the same conversation, please stay here with me because while it is related, all the shit we're going to talk about today is going to be offering you some different goodness. So when it comes to Ayurveda, as guiding principles in terms of lifestyle and self care, today, we are going to be diving into the pool of taking it easy. And abundance and restful sleep. So two different ones taking it easy, and the second one is abundant, and restful sleep. Now when we talk about taking it easy, this may have a different definition, from person to person, it may have a diff different definition for you, particularly based on season, based on time of day, based on the day of the week, it could be different for you based on your responsibilities. So I encourage you, when ever we're having any kind of conversation. As always, I encourage you to notice when you're having a very strict or rigid thought with yourself. And I encourage you, especially in the moments, when or if you feel a little bit of resistance to acknowledge it, maybe evaluate it a little bit. Because oftentimes those points of resistance are you know, the sticking points, these are things that either are things we need to unlearn things we need to reckon with things we need to examine for why we feel the way that we do and why is this resistance coming up? Is it you know, that we are disrupting this thing that we've always thought or always done? Is it that you're getting closer to, you know, kind of identifying what it is that you want, because sometimes we want something but then it's a little uncomfortable or scary to actually do it? Right? So I encourage you especially because when it comes to American culture, taking it easy, like that's laughable, right. It's just not a thing, except for if you're you know lucky enough to be able to take a vacation or have access to vacation days or you know, personal days or you know, time off where you are paid for that period. So, I you know, I need you to understand that in coming into this conversation, this is not pie in the sky, this is very real and very literal. And, and so, my hope is that as we talk about these two topics, that again, like I said, you will acknowledge the resistance and be gracious to yourself in it. And also notice like if the conversation is not landing for you maybe just come back to it come back to it another day, another month, you know, this isn't going anywhere. So, I encourage you to you know, be present with whatever is coming up and you know, meet yourself there. So, when it comes to taking it easy like I said like this could have many different definitions for you yourself. This may be socializing in a way that makes you feel whole where it doesn't feel like a chore where you are not feeling anxious about it or any certain way where maybe you are engaging with whether this is you know, via video, whether it is you know in person via text even I mean like let's be real, you can there are so many methods of communication now. So socialization so socializing can look very different. And that's okay. Right but in a way that allows you to honor your boundaries and an offer you love and joy that you know these interactions that allow you to feel full or poured into Because sometimes social socializing can do the exact opposite and dehydrate us. Taking it easy can be engaging in hobbies. You know, things that maybe you put off for, when you quote unquote have more time or feel like you've gotten enough done on your to do list, I encourage you to begin to look at these things as necessities as essential things to your day to day and week to week life. Quiet time. So time where you are purposefully quiet. That could be quiet as in you're not speaking, that could be quiet as in there is no sound around you. It could be quiet as in your body as quiet. So quiet can mean many different things. And again, what you choose to do can change based on how you're feeling time to yourself, now you might be socializing, and that brings you joy, you may be doing hobbies that are with or around others, even your quiet time could be around others, I encourage you to have time to yourself, like by yourself. And I know that for people, some people, I don't want to say all are many. But for some people that's really hard. It is hard to be quiet. And it is hard to spend time by yourself. Now if that's you, and there's resistance there. I understand. Because, you know, we are constantly connected. Like via email, or social media, you know, people can reach us on our cell phones so easily, constantly connected beyond work hours in the morning, in the evening, I mean, just so many points of connection. And so we are rarely by ourselves, we are having to take care and do and be everywhere. And then when we're by ourselves, and I can't speak for everyone, but often you might be working on something, you might be working on something for work, or you might be preparing a grocery list or a to do list for home time, you might be you know, dealing with I don't know bills and stuff like that, right there. Often times when you are away from work or whatever your main responsibilities are, that other time is spent problems on solving, putting out fires or preparing for something else. And again, those things are important in their necessities, right? But also time to yourself. And so what happens is because of the Google go lifestyle that we live, you know, the amount of stress we are under, and I say we as an it's a collective we I hear from people saying that, you know, when I come quiet, or when I'm by myself, I'm uncomfortable, because I'm not used to being by myself. Also. We are not always, not everybody is always dealing with their shit. And our shit tends to come up when we are quiet or when we are alone. And so for some of us, we cope by always being with somebody else, or always being busy, always being tuned into something, because we're trying to escape that shit that we're not dealing with. Now, that may not be here, but it may be somebody you know, it could have been you couple weeks ago, couple months ago, couple years ago, maybe you and a couple months from now. And so I encourage you, again, to recognize if there's resistance to this idea of being by yourself. Now, also, this is not an invitation to just like cut up the world, right? So like, we're not talking about extremes here, somewhere in the middle. And depending on your personality, depending on you know, the energy that is dominant in you, you may like to spend time by yourself more than the next person. And so how you choose to spend time by yourself is up to you. Right, I'm not talking about you need to be secluded, it might be just being in a different room from other people. Right? Like, it could be so many different things but time to yourself where you also not even just by yourself but to yourself in that you are choosing what you are doing. Because a lot of times we are doing things that other people want us to do, or doing the things that we think we should be doing. And so within time to yourself, I not only want you to spend time by yourself sometimes, but also doing stuff you want to do. Stuff that brings you joy

Steff Gallante

10:02

and also rest, you knew I was gonna throw this in there, I throw this into every single conversation. Now when it comes to rest, remember that dominant culture, you know, talks about rest, like sleep. But these are two sort of synonyms. But the reality is rest is actually a variety of practices that allows your sympathetic nervous system to Slow the fuck down, and your parasympathetic nervous system to then activate, which is what governs rest, relaxation, cell regeneration, all the things and we need this part of our nervous system to activate more. We don't allow it to and that's why it feels unsafe when it happens. And these different types of RAS, these variety of practices offer different benefits. And so something that I talk about in a lot of my spaces that I'm holding, when I'm talking about rest is the our practices the R's. And like the letter are, these are releasing tension relaxing, restful, regenerating and rejuvenating these terms that I just named releasing tension, relaxing, restful, regenerating, rejuvenating, are often used as synonyms, but they're actually not they're very different, right, releasing tension, we're kind of, and I've talked about this in past episodes, so I'm not gonna spend a lot of time on it today. But, you know, releasing tension, we are literally ridding the body of tension in the muscles. And you know, how we are holding tension relaxing is the actual act of being leisurely and letting go of intensity, restful, it could be any number of things, but something that is deliberately not intense, and allowing yourself to be to have the load lifted from you. regenerating is allowing the cells to replenish and rejuvenating is allowing them to kind of heal. And or I should say regenerating is letting them heal and rejuvenating is letting them kind of be a little bit more a hole and and rehydrated. And so when somebody is new to looking at rest this way, and kind of different categories or with different benefits in mind, I offer them in three practices in three categories, because you know, all these five categories can be like overwhelming. And so when it comes to releasing tension in terms of recovering, you know, cell regeneration, rejuvenating the body, you may take your body through stretching, whether that is slow and held or or it's moving at a slower pace. But moving through some more dynamic stretching, you might take a walk, you might do something like a gentle yoga class, gentle Asana, you might even do a self massage, whether that is with a massage ball, or you may have seen the stick or foam roller, also breathwork and meditation. Now this is not an exhaustive list. But these are things that I just offer to people because often they cost little or no money, and can be done anywhere. When it comes to relaxing, you might watch TV, you might listen to music, you might read for leisure, right? You might do something that is creative, and what is creative for you may be different from somebody else it might be coloring, painting, it could be, you know, needlework, it could be building something, again, breathwork and meditation, it could be something that is just not strenuous, right. And when it comes to rest practices, where we are maybe purposefully sedentary or purposefully still or purposefully quiet. This might look like a nap. This may look like shavasana at the end of a yoga class or 61 points meditation, this might look like yoga nidra. And remember, even though yoga nidra is meant to be aware, it is a journey through your consciousness, it is made for you to be alert. But because of the nature of lying down, it is restful. Also the releasing of tension offers us a feeling of being rested. So I offer this because it's not a rest practice the way shavasana is, but oftentimes for people who are Go Go going. It offers a sense of rest for them. And also, what might be restful is your evening rituals, to connect to yourself and want to talk a little bit more about this coming up. Another way to look at rest is talking about seven types of rest. And this is something I've been sharing a lot in these past few episodes or really probably since this podcast started And this is something I'm seeing more and more and more in wellness and yoga spaces, and I freaking love it. Seven types of rest. The seven types are physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social, and spiritual. These practices may be restful in one way, but regenerating or rejuvenating, and another. And so you may have a practice that could fit into multiple categories. And again, I encourage you to be flexible here, like these are not meant to be very rigid categories. And also, you may find, and this is something I talk to my clients in the holistic self care collective, often, I talk to people in workshops about this, it is important for you to understand that what may be offering you physical rest today, based on your energy right now may be different when you have a different type of energy. So if you're feeling kind of stuck, stagnant, or even calm, that may lend itself to this type of rest practice. But when you're feeling either, you know, really passionate and motivated, or maybe it's critical or angry, may look a little different when you're pitted dominated, or when you're vata dominated, and you're feeling either really flexible and creative or unsettled or anxious. So please understand that circumstances, energy really plays into this. So having a variety is going to be important. And so remembering that energy, whether that's the energy within you, or even the season, what you may find to be restful in these seven ways during the spring, may look different in the summer, which may look different in the fall and to look different in the winter. And so I revisit this practice of creating lists and dreaming up practices. I do this with my clients every single season. And we do it every single year. Because guess what, how I feel this spring is gonna be different from next spring because I am a freakin human. And I, Javed circumstances change. So, you know, it's important to constantly come back to this. And this inquiry of what would be restful in this way. And a reminder for, you know, taking it easy is it's a vibe, right? In episode 20. This is episode 22. In Episode 20, we talked about leisure, and infusing a drop of this energy into different parts of your day, it's still a big encouragement for me. And then in Episode 21, we talked about strengthening your digestion through slowing down through pausing more, and I dropped the leisurely vibe in there too. So please understand, even though I'm offering these tips to as separate entities, they're still very much related and intertwined. So you know, we, we categorize things, because that just, you know, kind of is easier, easier, as you know, in in an education way to offer right to disseminate information. But know that it's not just clean cut all the time, there's a lot of connection. And so when it comes to spring, the vibe is lighthearted, it's joyful, it's renewing, it's playful. And so you might find that this vibe is very much guiding the types of things you choose to do to take it easy. And that also may play into the practices you choose for rest, whether it's rejuvenative, or relaxing or releasing tension, or maybe you're going with the seven types of rest. But the idea here is to spend some time in inquiry and decide you know, what would be for you know, physical rest for me, mental rest, sensory rest, what will be creative or emotional rest, social or spiritual rest. And remember, you can look at it, you know, like you think creative rest, what could that be? Right emotional rest kind of leans towards, you know, maybe on first thought, stepping away from the shit that you know, makes you upset. True. It could also be, you know, taking more time to do the things that make you feel great. It could also be unloading your emotions rather than holding them in. Because that's work. Creative rest could be many different things. It could be choosing a different method of creativity, so actually doing something. It could also be taking time away from the creative process because we do need breaks. So it could be you know, you can look at things a little differently depending on what suits you. Now, I

Steff Gallante

19:52

would like you to take a moment whether that's literally pausing here, like pausing this episode, or just considering the question Notice if there's anything calling to you, calling out to you to reflect on consider or shift when it comes to taking it easy. It's really important to notice what's knocking on the door. What scratches on the window, you know, like, we have, we can't overlook them. And the reality is you might be like, well, you know, this is all well and good stuff. It's gonna be hard. I know, I know that it's gonna be hard. But it's important that we just begin the conversation. Remember, you're not going to just if you're Google going all the time. If you're listening to this, like, you know, on the run, you're walking, you're, you're exercising, you're doing whatever you're doing, doing laundry, whatever. I'm not expecting that all of a sudden, tomorrow, you're just gonna be like taking it easy all day long. No, right. And remember, we're not talking about vacation vibes. We're talking about simply including more of what lights you up, what supports you. Now, abundant and restful sleep is the next thing we need to talk about. And friends, the statistics of how many people struggle with quality and quantity sleep is staggering. Are you one of those people? Prior to 2023, I was for quite some time. Now, I've always been a light sleeper, thanks to energy, you know, that's that light, sometimes unsettled energy. So anything and everything can wake me up, and I don't sleep at all. So if I'm not in my bed, after I had kids, though, holy shit, my sleep was fucked. I had a hard time with so many years of of interrupted, not uninterrupted, interrupted sleep, especially, you know, while having to tend to the kids in the middle of the night. It's one thing, you know, to be woken up like, from sounds or dreams is a whole other thing to be woken up by a human or maybe an animal, right, that needs your care, including like brain cells and patients, right. Stress and Anxiety did a number on my sleep too. And it's not just that it kept me up at night, or mess with my ability to be settled and get good sleep, which did. But also because my stress and anxiety mess with how I experienced and engaged with my day, which was the biggest issue. And I'm not just talking the day after I got shit sleep, I just mean like, just in general. And it often is this way for many people. I'm gonna talk about this more. I was drinking too much coffee. And way too late into the day. The sweet spot, by the way is to have your cup of coffee, as in like an actual cup, or maybe two cups some days by 10am so that your body has the rest of the day to clear the caffeine out of your body. What people don't realize is that it can take up to 10 hours for the caffeine to clear your budget bloodstream. I'd also fly through the day working my ass off dealing with problems putting out fires, and in the few hours after work in the evenings, I was catching up with home stuff and trying to squeeze in enjoying the kids. I'd also stay up too late at night watching TV trying to decompress from the stress and the demands of the day. Often I dealt with or ruminated over work stuff way after work hours, and I'd lose countless precious minutes, laying in bed worrying about the next day. The reality is for me, I was living life at a frantic pace. And it totally fucked with my sleep, like I said, also fucked with my relationship with rest and my ability to take it easy. And so while the amount and timing of coffee consumption are big factors and sleep health, that's really just a piece of the puzzle. The amount of stress you carry and how you process it or don't is also a big factor. But again, just a piece of the puzzle. And this is an important point because oftentimes in conversations about stress management, the focus is in dealing with stress in the moment, like How are you coping when you are affected? And yes, of course, this is crucial. But something that is being diminished in the way the system's, I should say is the way the systems are causing the stress, the too fast pace of our day and the ways we are upholding and perpetuating the cycle that has that the systems have in place. As always, I have to acknowledge how this conversation about stress is nuanced because one person's stress is not another person's and power, privilege and advantage play a huge part in our stress that needs to be pulled more to the forefront of society. Let's be real friends, the stress on folks with marginalized identities is unreal. The stress on those who struggle to make ends meet is unreal. And I'm talking about living paycheck to paycheck. Not like not being able to save as much money as you want to, or having to make compromises on your vacation. Now that shit so expensive. The struggle of people who do not have access to health care or gender affirming care is unreal. The struggle of caregivers and parents is unreal, the stress of folks particularly bright black and brown folks, trans and non binary folks, people who are living with multiple layers of marginalization whose lives are actually unsafe, in this country of America and in this world is unreal. And for those of us like so many of you who listen, as we disrupt the way the systems are oppressing us out in society, right, as well as you know, are disrupting how you the systems are affecting those with identities more marginalized in our own. We have to disrupt how these systems are impacting our self care. And in this particular conversation, our ability to take it easy and enjoy abundant and restful sleep. Now, friend, as you can see, I've got a lot to say on this topic, right. But before I go down the rabbit hole, I'm going to pause here, maybe I'll talk about it in a future episode. Let me know if you want to hear more about this whole rest and sleep. And you know, how this is how society is fucking shit up for us. Friends, we need to talk about how the how to interrupt the cycle of burnout and constant stress. How we are going to interrupt how white supremacy, culture capitalism, patriarchy and all the other bullshit systems have in place. And the how is in having a well timed and intentional schedule throughout the day, slowing down the pace and pausing more throughout the day, establishing a power downtime in gauging an evening rituals, and a consistent bedtime and sleep time. All of this may shift from season to season. And so my friends we talked about in episode 21. Having a well timed and intentional schedule throughout the day, we also talked about slowing down your pace, and pausing more is in a way to strengthen digestion. Now, something that I want to make sure that you understand is that when we're talking about establishing a power downtime, I cannot say enough about this process of gradually slowing your pace and intensity in the evening, maybe starting around six and getting slower, more spacious in the evening as it goes on. But I have to be clear, I'm not saying that you need to pack up and turn in at this time, what I'm encouraging you to do is Slow the fuck down. Because the reality is you cannot be connected and run yourself into the ground from the moment you get up all day all the way up until you go to bed and then get quality sleep, you might think you can because perhaps at the end of the day, out of these like marathon like super stimulated days you sleep like a rock. But the question is, how do you feel when you get up the next morning, do you feel rested and ready for the new day? Or is there like a fog or a need for more sleep, because the reality is falling asleep due to exhaustion overloading your system doesn't result in good quality sleep. So even though you might be sleeping undisturbed and getting the good, the quantity and the quality, though, is lacking. And that really matters. And here's the thing, starting a power down process from around 6pm may seem like a hard sell at first because you've got shit to do at the end of the day. I know that. But remember, you've got tons of options and space for flexibility here. And honestly, the first place to start is with your intensity. Remember, we talked about leisure that drop of leisure, friends soften the space between your eyebrows. At the end of the day, Relax your forehead or your eyes, maybe walk a little bit more slowly as you do your errands. Soften the grip on the steering wheel, maybe look out the window while a mass transit or even close your eyes, or listen to music and actually listen to it. I also encourage a hard boundary with work stuff, as well as the stuff that drains your energy. Because friends if you live in America, and we're raised here especially, there's a good chance that white supremacy culture and capitalism is alive and well in your approach to your work day. And whether you are self employed or work for an organization, it's likely there aren't clear boundaries between work in your home life, which can cause even more like it could be even more murky. If you work from from home especially. I don't typically talk about absolutes, except for in a few circumstances. And this is one of them. On most days, friends, you need to sign off from work all work stuff at least two hours before bed. Now of course there are special circumstances to everyone's workplace. And this is something I work with clients with on an individual basis within their personal self care planning ongoing within the holistic self care collective because no two situations are the same. So the boundary may be different from person to person, but still, regardless of what it looks like a boundary needs to be set. And what goes hand in hand with powering down is establishing a routine that is flexible, of course, have evening rituals.

Steff Gallante

29:28

Now when it comes to the evening, this is a great time between 530 and seven to eat your dinner. And then using that rest of the time because you know like this powering down is happening from 6pm. Right? So maybe ish. So then, in addition to eating dinner, prepping for the next day, engaging in your hobbies or exercise, catching up with loved ones or simply moving A little slower, right. So tapping into that powering down vibe, moving a little slower, a little bit more leisurely, or at least with a little essence, a little vibe. And another big thing that I encourage for the evening time, is that you are off devices for at least 30 minutes before you go to bed, including the TV. There's research that shows that the quality of sleep increases when we go to bed without stimulation from a device or reading even right before bed, even if it's like a paper book, not like a, you know, on a device. And I'll be honest, I do watch TV and read before bed, but I don't stay up late anymore. And there are some nights where I just kind of close everything, shut everything down and just lay there. And it's weird. If you're not used to it, it's really weird. And I know, for for some people it is. So just for them their thing to go to bed with the TV on or to be scrolling on their phone right before. Like, as they're, they're heading to bed and and I get that, you know, like, we're just so used to it. At the same time. We have to also remember that being on the device, it's stimulation, right? And so even reading, even reading a book and so something with iron Veda is iron beta encourages us that if we're going to read before bed to read somewhere other than the bed, iron beta encourages us to be in the bed, you know, for the sleeping. I still read in my bed because I for me, it's the most comfortable place. And I don't find that there is difficulty in making that transition. I'll be perfectly honest. You know, because I'm not, you know, rigid about, you know, it's either better or nothing like I have to find what works for me. So you might be like, Man, Man, I'll take that I'll leave that that's fine. Right? These are all just suggestions. Alternatives to watching TV and reading right before bed, are meditating are my apologies for my phone. Going off, if you can hear all of this. My apologies I thought I had I don't do not disturb anyways, alternatives to reading or watching TV or meditating. Doing a foot massage, then heading to bed might be some breath work, even journaling or gratitude practice, right. So kind of just getting that mind dump that connection to yourself and then just laying there. And I have to be honest, just laying there, you know if you feel safe to do so that's a good skill to develop. It really is. And all this brings me to my last tip, a consistent bedtime, which leads to also and connected to a consistent wakeup time. And while I don't love referring to our body as a machine, because that's kind of seems like a little robotic, it doesn't account for how incredible our body is. It really does function like a machine in terms of its rhythms and processes. And just like establishing a daily rhythm is important for feeling at ease and grounded throughout the day. That's something we talked about in the last episode. So to is establishing a pretty regular sleep routine, you've likely seen or established this with puppies or babies, human adults are no different, though we try to think that or tell ourselves that we need to be right now, each season has a particular sleep time like in terms of going to bed typically wakeup time stays mostly the same except for the wintertime. In terms of that's like most beneficial for remaining in harmony with the seasons energy. And obviously we have to consider our own energy dominance to and in the spring, it's somewhere between 11pm and 12am. And then you wait with the sun, or around six, six o'clock am the next day. And since spring is typically categorized as a coffee season, right that season that's dominant by that moisture that a little a little bit of slowness. steadiness, you want to be careful to not get too much sleep. So that's why there's that kind of 11pm Start Time for our sleep. And it's a general rule of thumb though, if you're feeling like you need more sleep, if you're trying the 11pm to 6am, you're like, gosh, I just need more sleep than that, then pay attention to the pace of your day and how much you've taken on. And notice where adjustments can be made. Because we sometimes might need a lot more sleep because of the pace of our day, the amount that we have on our plate or you know how it is you may not have too much like too many things on your plate, but they can be very weighty, they could be very taxing, emotionally, mentally, etc. So it's not always a quantity, right? And so what I would like you to do, again, like we did earlier is take a moment you could pause this episode right here, or simply just consider, you know, is anything calling out to you to reflect on to consider or to shift when it comes to abundant and restful sleep? Because I'm hoping there is unless you You're like, No, I have really great sleep, but I have nothing to change. And in which case, great, awesome. Keep these things in mind in case that ever changes, right? Because something that I also work with, I mean, this is another piece of the pie piece of the puzzle that I work with clients on because it can be really hard to establish these practices taking it easy. And oh, addressing sleep, it can be really hard to do on one's own for many different reasons, shoulds and old habits, Die Hard, etc. So if you are noticing some messaging coming to the surface, open space to hear it out. And remember that support is here within the podcast, but also within the holistic self care collective. This is my ongoing mentorship coaching group, where we begin with creating a personalized self care plan that is not a cookie cutter, it is specifically for you. Based on lifestyle practices, self care practices, we worked for together for 12 weeks to pinpoint aligned practices that support how you want to feel mentally, physically, emotionally and energetically. With an approach that fits your lifestyle, your bandwidth and your capacity will identify old or limiting beliefs that are holding you back from creating these shifts, and work through mindset shifts to sustain you on your journey. We'll also meet in one on one virtual sessions each month 30 to 60 minutes each, and email weekly to help you navigate any challenges that arise because they will cause life life's and then you'll have access to all the support of the collective in terms of the live stream classes, the recorded practices and our community meetings as well. You can grab all of the information and also the link to set up your alignment call which is at no cost to you. For us to touch base and talk about how where you are and how you want to feel and how the collective might support you. You can get all this at Steff gallante.com/collective and the link is of course in the show notes as well. Until next time, my friend please be kind and gentle to yourself just as you would those who are most precious to you whether that's a human and animal baby or a plant. I'd love to hear your thoughts about the support and guidance I provided in this episode. So please please please reach out let me know share it with me and if you've been loving the show, please share it with your nearest and dearest and leave a review or rating. My friend you are a badass and you are enough now go and be your favorite self and be well

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