Welcome to twisted teacher podcast where we talk about the stuff we aren't supposed to and spill all the tea. Welcome twisted teachers. Hello. We hope you're doing great.
Yes, we really do hope that
I don't know what's wrong with me this morning. So you did something really fun was that? Did your wire scare you? I was just like, there's a bug on her. I was playing with a pin on David's desk and like it just like fell apart on me. Should we just start this over? No. Okay, all right, awesome. No more mistakes allowed. Alright, so anyway, we are happy to be here. And, Kim, I have some questions for you because I am pretty sure that you went to a concert recently. Yes, I went to the Korean concert last Sunday. Okay, so you have to tell me about the concert. And like now COVID is ramping back up. I wonder how much longer concerts will like continue. So like you got in I just the right time.
I think we did and and see my husband likes this music. I'm not saying I hate it. But I like pink. We haven't been out for a while so and he loves corn and rock. So we went to the corn concert. And interestingly enough, there were children there. And I was thinking What the hell are they gonna tell their teacher the next morning? Why are you so can you wake up, please? while I was at the corn concert? I don't know. There was a man after a couple of libations that I had named Bilbo Baggins. And he must have been 70. And he was body surfing. And I just was amazed by this.
Now, I mean, okay, so there might be an age limit to like when you should not body surf. I
didn't want I didn't want to be in a mosh pit. I'm too old to mash. But we were sitting standing in the front. And, and some people, a middle aged Middle Ages don't need to wash and I did it when I was a teenager, I hated it, then have some good engagement and customer engagement idea for you. Okay, good. I need all the help I can get right now. I need you to get like a big ass box of guitar chips and then randomly just throw them out to your classroom. Like, they don't even know what they are. Because I didn't know what they were and we didn't know what they were and people were jumping for them. It seems like and they go back and sit down or go back to whatever you're doing. And then like, Oh, she's getting up again. What is she throwing? I don't know. But I want one. So I think I'm gonna send you some guitar chips. And I want to know how that how
that work? Yeah, I don't think I need I don't Yeah, whoa. See if you're shipping. That's all I'm gonna say about you and the concert after? Whatever I was drinking. And I was like,
that sounds like more maybe more of a high school idea. Like, do you think you would have your job as an instructional coach for a really long time if you brought your teachers guitar picks to throw out into the
crowd? Fabulous because I'm just taking what the real world how we are, you know, excited, engaged in the real world and bringing it to the classroom. You know, I think that's true. It sounds like a winning idea. Okay, well, that's the body surfing. I mean, he did he was he Okay, did he get back down safely? Bilbo bhavin. Bilbo Baggins body surf like three times he was white haired white beard. He was like my height five, two. I understand the name Bow Bow back. Everybody. It was a drink. Everyone has a Literary Reference name. Did your husband body surf? No. Did I have no part of that? And he's three. And if he wants to body surf, my ass is going to be at the bar or sitting on a bench or back in the car. Not happening. So yeah. Alright. So it was fun. I don't know if it'd be going to any more concerts based on based on you know, the things that are going to be happening,
or that are happening that are happening? Yep. All right. Well, at least you got to go to one. I have a T shirt.
Whoa.
I mean, that proves you were there. So that's awesome. Yeah, I don't need to prove. So it's pre planning week for me. And there are lots of considerations that come with pre planning. Actually, Allied pre planning technically starts tomorrow. So, um, one of the biggest sources of I'm going to use the same word Again, NX is that we don't have our class lists lists. Yet
our list, I can't do that. I can't say that. I can't say t x t s Say it, say it, Tex. Tex. We're not good. We are not drinking, I swear.
I wish I was. So a lot of people are really like, angsty and pissed off that they do not have their roster yet. But I found a secret place that I could find my roster. It's not loaded into our gradebook yet, but it is loaded into other apps that we use. So I found it. So I'm not angsty, because I have my list.
Well, are you gonna be able to hide the fact that you have your list when you've labeled everything and you put numbers on everything? How are you gonna hide? I
have not. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. But I just I have it in my I have it. But are people coming into your room with anybody? No, no. So nobody, nobody's coming into my room. So I guess I could go ahead. And
you could do name tags. You don't have to put them out. This is true. But but that's the numbering. That's what the school we were at before gave us her list the day before school started. I think it was where we were the amount of stress that came with that. Because I did numbers. And I'm very they know that. Yeah, that's it. And so if, let's say you've students one through 26. And then you've got a kid who's got a last name starting with B. My dilemma was do I remember everybody? Or do I put them at the end, which would then upset me because it was an alphabetical order? So yeah, I never had a good solution for that. I tried both. And then at the end, I had so many changes at one school that I just stuck with them. You just have to do what works for you. I don't know what works for me, though. Maybe different things work different year. Yeah. I don't know what I did ever just remember that that sucked. Like, why can't you give us the roster? If it's gonna change anyway? Why don't you give it to us early, and it's gonna change even after you get it the day before school. So what the hell is the difference? If I have it a week before, I'm still gonna make changes. But I still feel good that I have all the kids names, or most of the kids names.
Yeah, I'm ready to start. Like, I want to look at data. Like, if I have their names, I want to look at at their data. I'm a data type of a gap. Nothing makes me more excited than some triangulation. Now, sometimes said data can be depressing as hell it can send you spiraling.
So you do love data? I do. I do, too. I think it's important I, I go for the behavior record first. I just need to know what I need. Okay. But then there's some kids who have a bad rap reputation. Yes. And you've heard about them. But then you really, really have to try hard to give them the benefit of the doubt. No, but
do you want to know what my my teacher tip of this podcast is? Because I have one, do you? I do. This is gonna apply more to elementary school teachers than it is to anyone else. But if you are a fifth grade teacher, and you identify, there's a kid in fourth grade the year below you, that is the biggest shit that you've ever experienced in your life, go ahead and build a relationship with that kid, and get to know them and talk to them, and be their person, give them compliments whenever you like, if you even if you see them in the in the office because they're in trouble. And they're working on something that their teachers because they're an in school suspension, stop, spend like three minutes, help them with what they're working on and build that relationship because that kid The next year, you can ask for that kid. And you might be thinking, why would I ask for that kid? Because that is a known problem. You would always rather have a known problem than an unknown promises. Did you get that kid? You already have a fantastic relationship? Yeah, they think I am so happy to have this teacher and then you complement the hell out of them and they will work for you. Like they have worked for nobody else in their entire life. I promise you that is my teacher Tip of the Day.
That is a good teacher tip. And that takes time because you know, it those those kids people given up on them years, you know, maybe by first grade, but then again, you look in their record and think about what's happening at home, or their parents having issues or did they take care of other smaller children's or been a death in the family? Have they moved a lot? Have they changed schools a lot? So there's just a lot of factors. Yeah, so do that. Don't Don't assume I know it's hard. It's really hard not to judge but it's usually in our best interest not to but again, you're still gonna have probability and maybe one unsavory character in your class,
right? And I really promise you if you already have a relationship with that unsavory character, it's them a whole lot more savory. Alright, so that was my soapbox for today that nobody expected to, you know, be there.
We're on our on our high horses that are standing on our soapbox So okay,
open house is a completely different ball of wax for elementary. I know that some high schools here like they don't even give the kids their schedule until the morning of the first day. And they have to wander around the school. Oh my god. So this past year, the high school because of COVID had one way halls and I, I drove my son and a couple of twins who lived in our neighborhood. And listening to them talking about like, literally my class is one classroom to the left of where I left, where I just came out of it's one class, but I have to walk out, right, all the way around, outside back around the building and back up the stairs like listening to high school kids explain it was was pretty funny because the word literally was used literally 100 times during the conversation.
Boy, I mean, we didn't have the one side but we had the six feet apart, which is so easy for high schoolers to adhere to. In the masks and for people to a table. Now we're getting comments, you know, a little concern about the Delta variant. And we're all getting more comfortable with everything we keep hearing. And I know this is the phrase from 2021 pivot might have to pivot everybody. Just buckle up, buckle down, get it together, we might need to pivot. I don't know who I'm mimicking or but it's just administration voice. Yeah, district one a voice. I don't want I'm done. I'm done.
I mean, that would be like if Ross asked Rachel and who was a Chandler? Or was it I don't remember who is helping to help me move the sofa? It was definitely Rachel It was a Phoebe. I don't know it was Chandler. Chandler okay. It'd be like if they had to pivot every day. Yeah, it was it was a one episode thing. They didn't have to pivot every episode because it would quit being entertaining to have to but
they didn't pivot up the stairs and down the stairs and up the stairs is saying six feet apart pivoting while you're moving into a couch upstairs, and then wearing a mask. I'm just mixing up the whole all of it. Right now. It sounds like a nightmare. It was pure hell, that would be a horror show. So just a quick question. My husband sent me a picture of a person in her car by herself wearing a mask. What is that? What is the reasoning that you would be alone in your car wearing a mask wearing a mask?
I don't know. I know that I can figure out why I would be in a car with somebody else wearing a mask. Right? Like my son had to quarantine twice last year. And both times he had to go get COVID tests. And when we weren't sure if he did or did not have COVID. And we were on our way to get tests when I would be driving him. We would both wear masks in the car and I felt like a giant douche then. So I can't imagine driving down the road with a mask
on by my so if if we could get some clarity on that. I just want to know why it could be this that you know, how many times did you get out of the car or you forgot your mask?
I know you had to go get it. It doesn't usually take me long. Oh, then you have to go get it. It doesn't usually take me long. If I get in my car and I start driving and I'm like, oh, or put on your ear put it I don't know this mask on any long. It feels like freedom. Right? It's like taking your bra. Yeah, just kind of I think taking the mask off is better than taking a bra off. I think so too. And what depends on what situation you're in, I guess. Well, that's true. I mean, I could post that question on our Instagram page. That's it. I think I'm going to
Is it is it more freeing to not wear a mask or not wear a brain?
Yeah. So um, we're doing things way out of order, because that's the kind of day it is because we're pivoting I want to go to the teachers lounge for just a minute and then we'll get it twisted lit. Oh, yeah, we've got some good twisted lit today. So about a week ago, Kim asked me to watch a new Netflix show like sight unseen. Like, that's not the right phrase. But like she was like, Hey, you have to watch this. And then we can talk about it. So I did. I did last night. So raise your hand out there in podcast land if you have watched sexy beasts. Look at all the hands going up. Oh, I'm sure. I so. Yeah. Here's the deal. I sat down to watch it. And my 15 year old was walking through the room and he's like, what is this going to be? And I and it was rated TV 14 so I was like, okay, so he's good to be walking through and you can throw shade on my parenting. If you want I don't care did I said you know, I don't know. Here's my prediction. I bet it's like, based on like furries who are in romantic relationships with each other.
Okay? So but furries are people who dress up in animal costumes and have sex right?
Why don't know if it has to involve having sex? I honestly don't know that there's a clandestine furry society there is making that up.
Well, so Okay, I guess that's what I thought I was gonna be watching. Maybe not the actual sex happening, but I thought it was like a dating show for furries. And I don't know that I was that far off, but I
was no way. Okay, so the premise is that these people are so beautiful and so attractive that they are so tired of being judged for their looks that they put them in these god awful costumes. And yeah, they want to see if they could fall in love without the physical so. So what's her name that Emma was I don't remember what her name was. She was so tired of being just yeah. So they Okay, she had a devil outfit on. And she was hideous, like, completely hideous. And she was cute when they took the mask off but not like Oh, she was really pretty when they
took the mask off but like she wasn't just a devil like she was a devil. That was like a mixed with some type of a crustacean. Yeah, because her chin had like a lobster claw. It does. I'm looking at it Rab something was coming. Per Chen protruded
it's a call. Yeah. It's it's an outside vagina is what it looks like. And then Okay guys, yeah, so the first I'm on cnet.com in case anybody's rushing to your you know, device to look this up her first suitors Bennett, a former pro volleyball player from San Diego. He looks like a mandrel glein King. Yeah, Kiki.
Uh huh. Definitely. That's not how I described it originally, like that. I would have said he kind of looked like a cross between like Chewbacca and a gorilla and something. But now that you say Rififi, I'm like, Hot damn, he was refeeds her feet like he was dressed like Rififi.
And why did they have to have such like, I wanted a puppy. Well, they did have a mouse, Archie. There was a mouse, but it was a creepy ass look. And mouse was Oh, that was Adam from Birmingham, England. He doesn't have a job. Okay, you're gonna get kicked off the island immediately. If
you're on a dating show, and you don't have a frickin job unless you can be like, I don't have a job because I'm independently wealthy. That maybe then you're okay. But his and his. I feel like he was the one that his eyes were like, blood shot. Maybe I'm wrong, but
they were fine. They were all fine. You can't do something like that without self medicating. I mean, sorry. All right. He had a mouse fun. He had a mouse.
Yeah. It was weird. And then there was one other guy, Archie. He was from Rochester. This stone person right? Why Where did that come? He looked like a moldy Roman god. I mean, like not good looking like a Roman god, but just he looked like a moldy statue.
So am I goes on a date with the mandro who we had already figured out was the player in the bunch. The one you want to stay away from the one who's who's you shouldn't like with a mask on or without a mask and they're making out or something at the amusement park? Was
that it? Yeah. Yeah. With their masks on with their masks. Really weird. I don't know. For creepy. She was beautiful. When she took the mask off. I did not find him as attractive as I thought she they she thought he was hot. I guess
what she had to what are you gonna do make a face and say Oh, nevermind. That's it sounds like some Phoebe would do from from France. Now. Sorry, I haven't watched another one. Now.
I'm going to be really honest with you. I'm going to let you know that I'm probably not going to watch another one. But
oh, the next one. The next one is entitled beaver kiss.
Right and this so the first one was about a girl who was trying to find which of the three guys she got have a relationship with. And the next one you're right is going to be a guy who's trying to find which of the three girls she could have a relationship with.
All right. I think we're done that. I just think it was one of those fascinating I have to watch it. But it's I think it's better with a cocktail.
Yes. Yeah. Maybe even if you could make a drinking game out of it. It might be okay. Oh, like how many stupid things were they gonna say? Yeah, I don't know. Except that I felt like if I combined alcohol with that show, like I felt like my brain was dying. So I mean That's a text you sent me my center attack saying, Okay, I'm watching sexy piece tonight and then I was like my brain is slowly dying. Yeah, like I'm getting more stupid by the way. So let's go to twisted. Let. Okay, let's do that. Are you going to start us off go ahead and go Okay, so last time I talked about a nursery rhyme that we all know well, or maybe you don't. But I'm going to talk about another nursery rhyme today and we're going to talk about a nursery rhyme that pretty much everybody knows jack and jill you know, jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water jack fell down and broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after. Then I've got jack and said to Jill as in his arms, he took her brush off that dirt for you're not hurt, but fetch that pail of water. So jack and Joe went up the hill To fetch the pail of water and took it home to mother deer who thanked her son and daughter. There are many different versions of jack and jill and it's really hard to know where the exact origin came from. So in the 16th century, the words jack and jill were used to indicate a boy and a girl and like think about today if you have a jack and jill bathroom and your home. Yeah, what that means. So they said it was also found twice in some of Shakespeare's plays, that there was a play a comedy act, jack and jill was performed around 1567 to 1568 at the Elise Elizabethan court. So it's been around for a long time, but there are, like I said, different versions. So here is one of those other versions. So there's a place called in Somerset that's called Kilmer is done and there's an actual hill there. That is now called the jack and jill hill that locals believe inspired the nursery rhyme. And this story involves a young couple guess their names. Yeah, jack and jack and Joe. Jill was a local spend star and jack was her mysterious lover so they were obviously not siblings are new. Well, you never know what the stuff I know. So in this version of events, Jill becomes pregnant by jack and the couple is like overjoyed. But when jack goes up the hill to collect some water he is tragically killed by a dislodged Boulder. And then Jill dies of a broken heart shortly after, and this small town of Kilmer has done band together to raise jack and jill son together. So I don't I'm gonna assume she'd already had the baby. Because if not, she's dead and what? Well, so now today there are six stone markers that line the hill and each one has a verse from the poem and at the top of the hill, there is a well and a plaque that is dedicated to jack and jill as well as to
tombstones.
Now listen to this one. This is more of a true crime jack and jill version. JACK and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water. JACK fell down and broke his crown And Jill came tumbling after Okay, so far so good up got jack and home did trot As fast as he could caper. He went to bed and found his head With vinegar and brown paper. I mean, I know vinegar is like the bomb calm but I didn't realize it would help you if you broke her crown when Jill came in how she did grin to see Jack's paper plaster. Mother vexed did whip her next to for causing Jack's disaster. So basically, Jill, pushed jack down the hill and then is like grinning maniacally about it. And then it's like children have a corn version. Right? And then I have two more versions. They're very short. It's not the whole rhyme. But they're they're a dirty version. So if you were listening with a child, you might want to like fast forward for like 30 seconds. Oh, they're gonna have to fast forward past the Canterbury Tales. Your whole section got to keep going. So Okay, so here's what you do. Listen later, jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana got high and zipped his fly and Jill said I don't want Okay. Oh my god. JACK and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son. But I liked the first one of those better. JACK and Joe went up the hill to smoke some marijuana jack got high and zipped his slide and Jill said I don't wanna
I guess that was the 70s 60s version. I don't want you get it for you, Joe, good for you standing your ground. Alright, so tell me what you've got today. Okay, so I don't know if you remember you. I don't know. I think we had this conversation long time ago. But when I was taking literature in high school, the Canterbury Tales scarred me for a really long time. And I remember sitting in class thinking how the hell are they teaching this to me? So when we start doing twisted lead, I was looking through Shakespeare because well, I'll do some Shakespeare stuff too, because he's he's, there's so many dirty things in his play, but the Canterbury tale so I'll go ahead and kind of tell this is the cliff note version. So in a so this was April and the beginning of spring, people are varying social classes came from all over England, together at the tavern in preparation for a pilgrimage to Canterbury, to receive the blessings of St. Thomas abeka. tosser himself. Chaucer wrote Canterbury Tales, is one of the pilgrims that evening, the host of the tablet in suggests that each member of the group tell tales on the way to and from Canterbury. In order to make the time pass pleasantly. The person who tells the best story will be awarded an elegant dinner and at the end of the trip, at the end of the trip, the host decides to accompany the party on his pilgrimage and appoints himself as the judge of the best tale. So this is how this all gets started. Okay, you know, they're drinking, they're all drunk during the whole the whole thing. So they go through and they they they tell their stories, and the night tells his story. Then after the night story, the host calls upon a monk to tell the story that will rival the Knight's Tale for nobility of purpose. But the Miller, who was very drunk, announces that he will tell a story about a carpenter. And nobody really wanted to do that. But he did anyway because he was he was drunken up noxious, and you know, what parties need to go ahead and start john, an old very jealous carpenter, who is married to an 18 year old girl named Alison rents a room to a young astrology student named Nicholas, it already sounds like it's doomed. Who can supposedly forecast the likelihood of rain showers or drought so Nikolas falls in love with Alison and one day grasped her around the groins and cries love me all at once or I shall die. But the real word they use is spell. Wait, what? Yeah, the real The, the word they use is qu e y and t and it's pronounced quaint, which could be tainted and something else combined. I don't. I don't know. Okay, interesting. So she's being grabbed and at first she resists but the clerk soon overcomes her resistance. And then they conceive a plan. Well, they will play a trick on the husband and so an older man who is married to a younger woman who's cheating is a cuckold. a cuckold right it's got okay you see you see so that's they use that all to this. Allison has another admire Absalon in a feminine instant swinger at the church. He's dainty and fastidious. Absalon is in fact, so fastidious that he cannot tolerate who people who expel gas in public. Yeah, this is this is Yeah. Although epsilon demonstrates his feelings for Allison by serenading her outside her bedroom window. She finds him a nuisance and interested in only Nicklaus who conceives an elaborate plan to get john out of the house. So john is the Miller epsilon is the other lover. Nicholas is the one. Yeah, Nicholas convinces john that the town is soon to be visited with a flood like the one that visited Noah in the Bible. So john has to build unfastened three, but like tubs to the rafters and store them with provisions, then you would think john would look into this a little bit, but since Nicholas was an astrologer, and kind of could see the future he listened. Okay, hook, line and sinker. Yeah, john follows Nicholas's instructions and the evening before the predicted flood all three, john carpenter, Allison John's wife and Nicholas Allison's parramore climb into the boats. When the carpenter sleeps. Allison and Nicholas quickly descend to Allison's bed where they spend the night making love like nobody's gonna know that. Later that night epsilon discovering the Millers absence goes to Allison's window. denied access to her room, he begs for one kiss, afraid that the bothersome Clerk will arouse her neighbors. Alice agrees to kiss him, but instead of her mouth, she extends her rear out the window. The facilities Absalon kissed her naked arse most sever Asli save now I read another version where he figured it was her bottom because of the pubic hair like oh my god.
Absalon recovers quickly. So he he got over that and he heard them laughing at him and he's mad. He's like, okay, now I'm getting made fun of that's not cool. I just wanted to kiss a girl even though I'm a feminist and probably don't know, you know how to identify which is fine because it was 1300s and they didn't have that got Liberty at the time. curative is love sickness the after kissing her ass literally. Absalon borrows a red hot poker from the blacksmith returns to Allison's window and tells her he has a golden ring for her. I'll give it to you for one more kiss. But Nicholas trying to one better Allison's treatment of epsilon Nicholas opens up the window and stuck out his our spot hexanol and farts and Absalon Absalon recovers quickly and thrust the redhead poker up the middle of Nicholas's arch my God. Nicholas shouts water help water water, Sterling john, the poor Miller guy who's trying to build ships and shit. Thinking that the flood is coming, john cuts the rope that holds his boat suspended and crashes to the floor. And he the neighbors hearing the ruckus, Russian and when I hear John's preparations for flood, laugh and lunacy, he broke his arm trying to figure out what was happening. That's
like, okay, so but who was the intended audience of these?
It was a tail and the one thing about this is you kind of lose who's talking in that was translation. So this is a translation and crudely he caught her by her vagina and said, Surely unless I have my way, for secret love of the sweetheart, I perish and held her sensuously by the groins. So this is like I was 10th grade. I mean, you were no I was 10th or 11th grade. Yeah, it was the same year that I studied the Vikings and Romeo and Juliet. Oh my god, are you scarred for life? I just they were drunk. And everyone was in I remember our teachers, I okay, they're drinking. So get over that. I'm like, no, that's not the thing we need to get over. We need to get over the fact that he just made out with her ass, and then stick a poker up the other guy's ass.
There's a lot of things to get over in this. I feel
like
in the coin, I think it's interesting because I actually as going into teaching high school lit. I wanted to make sure this was not on the freakin reading list. I know there's some elements to it, but he's dirty little dude. Definitely. And I'd say how does that story or?
Okay, how does that end up in any curriculum? Ever?
I don't know. I don't know. Because it's Chaucer. It's it's he was famous or you're not sure. It's not on our curriculum anymore. Some things in education. I know. It's shocking. They don't make sense some decisions right. I've we've had a little couple of rants today. So here's here's the takeaway. Don't stick your asset a window, because anything could happen. I mean, that is some really good just like common life sense. That I feel like most people could follow safely. There are many tales in the Canterbury Tales. That was just one of them. But that was the one I remember from high school so I'm glad I could could share that with you, john and the people listening who probably won't be listening anymore.
It's not all gonna be completely like repealing it. But it's always gonna be twisted. So
that is twisted. That is twisted. Yeah. And you know who won? You know who won and that story was Allison. Because she got rid of her old husband. She kept her lover and she scared off the other guy that she didn't want to be with. Yeah, she she came out on top.
And if you are one of those lucky after Labor Day, people enjoy every single moment. Oh, stay twisted by goodbye twisted teachers.
