you can't, and I think that we have mistaken self care for maintenance. And, and sort of the tropes of self care that now become big monetize industry, get a massage, go to stretch, go to the spa, take a walk, do mindfulness, listen to this app, right, like we have taken, the thing that for some folks is just what keeps you at a low hum, and not really giving people space to develop for themselves, their own self care practice. So like I will say, my maintenance practice, is making sure that I get my hair done every eight weeks, I get braids right now we'll see we'll see what happens. Gorgeous. Thank you. Before I had a I had a, I had a blind crack cut, it was very good. nails done every three weeks, I get a facial every six massage every month, I keep going. Those things for me are part of my self maintenance, because they make me happy. But then go up to self care. So care for me is looking at my calendar today and going I have my calendar again, and texting a good friend of mine who I'm having a meeting with and going, Hey, let's reschedule this meeting for next week if you can the new year if you can't, because I don't have time to eat. Yeah, that's a care practice. Chair is taking back control of your calendar. I am so annoyed when I talk to leaders who tell me they do not have I have to be in that meeting. I have to do that you don't have to do nothing but that okay, and pay taxes and even that, according to some people especially live, okay. So the reality is that whatever it is, that feels like it is squeezing the juice out of your brain. You have to release the pressure. What do you need to do to release that pressure? And so mine is in the things that I say no to and things that I say yes to? That is a care practice, not putting myself in situations where I have to twist myself into a pretzel for other people's temporary comfort. And so as a leader, regardless of your leadership seat, where are you twisting yourself into a pretzel for other people's temporary comfort? Isn't in document production? Is it in the number of meetings that you have? isn't in the types of donors that you want to go after? Is it the type of partnerships you're pursuing? Is it the date you going on at night? Okay, what is the light on and the fridge when you open it at night and what are you hungry for I think that's a lot of marks that I got close with on the mark quarter directly. When I think about the care aspect when I think about is when you do or don't do a thing are you respecting yourself? So for me care, self care, and self respect, have started to come together like magnets real time example, I got divorced when I was 31. I thought I was gonna be married forever and ever, I wanted to have three kids. And this is, you know, the house if it's busy. That's because I had all the things that didn't happen for me. I realized, just in the last year that I have spent a decade chasing that life, just trying to be chose. Now amassed it better, and I had better words, and I made it pithy and fun. But ultimately, I made decisions for myself that were not in alignment with my ability to be respectful of my own space and of my own care. Because of my desire for other people's aspirations of me, you just need somebody to take care of you. So it took me chronicling my dating life, which I have very publicly from June to this week. So that's almost six months to decide. So you talk about, you talk about practice, and self acceptance and calibration, that from this January until my birthday in May, I'm doing a full dating detox. And because I'm a nerd, I have a curriculum. I have books to study. I have passages, I have a special journal, it's going to be hard. Of course, the minute I said, I'm taking a detox, men started falling from the sky like man, give you all this, this personal example, because I think that we have gotten it twisted, that when we're thinking about how to have self care, have self awareness step fully into being leaders understand where our shortfalls are, or shortcomings are, that it only happens at work. No friends is happening in your personal life, too. I just want you to know. And so those things for me all go together. What do you think, John? I saw you nodding, I was that guy? No. After what did I