And they showed me is like, you know, some of those things, but you know, kind of a bit of a deck as well. And anyway, the, that show was watched by 2.6 million people. And so I had a lot of trolls reacting to me, and a lot of people sending very mean stuff to me. And it was very, very damaging for my mental health, and my self worth, not my body image, my self worth of should I be alive, and now I'm someone who has depression, it wasn't good for my depression, and at times, I felt suicidal. And so I really felt like, oh, you know, I've leaped down the fat positive community, I should have been better I should have, I should have done this and said that, and so they could never have twisted my words, or I should have, you know, not ever eaten anything, quote unquote, unhealthy because then of course, they're going to use that footage. And so it was traumatic for me. And I often think about it and think about conversations that I had in that house. And feeling like, Oh, I wish that I could have on camera, conveyed myself in a different better way. And I'm making it like, making it sound like I was terrible in it wasn't most people watching. They're like, Oh, my God, you're amazing. You were so cool. And blah, blah, blah. I'm being too critical on myself. I think I'm being quite harsh. I guess I just, I just want people to like me, right? Normal human things that you want to be liked and accepted. And, you know, yeah, because like, on in real life, everyone got along well, apart from one person who everyone hated, I'm not gonna tell you, but it wasn't one of the people who like to their bodies. One person everyone hated. Apart from that everyone got on really well. And we laughed, and it was just the best, it was the best time off camera. And but then when the results came out, it made it look like everyone hated each other. And, you know, Mike could tell you anyway, why I'm saying all this is because this email from the BBC, obviously, triggered something in me, reminding me of the negative outcomes from that, and there were positive outcomes. And thinking about this, this TV doctor, and because what they want to talk about is, is COVID-19 Are Fat People at a higher risk from getting COVID-19 from dying from from COVID-19. And so this doctor is gonna be like, yeah, fat people. And he's got books that are like, ah, oh, my, oh, my gosh, the books, some of the books are like, how to do this diet on this. So low calorie intake, one of the books, the calorie intake wouldn't be enough for, you know, there'll be more calories in one of my posts, you know, really, like, you can't live on that as a human being maybe, you know, if you fed it to a mouse or a hamster or maybe a small rabbit, that, you know, they would be able to sustain that amount of calories anyway. So this guy is, I don't know, I kind of feel like he might be extreme. So I'm debating whether to do this or not. And I'm very curious as to how I am already reacting. I'm in two minds, because you know what? I'm a fat activist. Right? And so this is an activism opportunity. And so I could reach people. I don't know how many millions watch this. But I can reach people and show them. They're not at blame if they're fat, and they have Coronavirus that fat people are members of society who needed to be need to be treated with dignity and respect. That's fat activism. I could be doing that. But also, could I be really damaging my mental health, but also they're going to pay me a fee. So is that potentially worth it? I don't know how much the fee is. And so I'm gonna wait to see what the fee is. So if they're like, we're gonna pay you 1000 euros for this 10 minute TV segment, then I'll be like, Yeah, I'll take the risk. We'll see what happens but if they're like we're gonna pay you 50 euros. I'm like, No thank you, as well because it's in Belfast. And so the bulk Belfast is like three or four hours away drive and so they send me a car and whatnot, and I'd stay in the hotel and the show's not until late 10 o'clock at night. And so I'm like, oh, what's past my bedtime? I need to be in bed.