Shalom my friends, welcome to the Light Lab Podcast. My name is Eliana Light, and I'm here with my friend Cantor Ellen Dreskin.
Hello, everybody!
And Rabbi Josh Warshawsky is not here today.
Which, he's got a lot of nerve.
I know! Where did he go? Well, he has a pretty good reason, which is just that he recently had a child who is watching this morning live streaming the covenant ceremony for Josh's new baby boy, older brother to Jonah, which is so so sweet. I mean, maybe we can get him to talk about that when we do our, when we do our Life Cycle series.
Absolutely.
Because it was so so beautiful.
I'm sure. I'm sure.
Are we dreaming?
What a lovely way this? Ah, it's gonna say what a lovely way to celebrate the chag.
Seriously, and we can cut this out if he doesn't want us to put it in. But his son's name is Ziv. Which means brilliance and spark and light. Isn't that beautiful?
That's great. That's amazing. Ziv Haolam. That's the phrase that pops into my head.
Brilliant to the universe. So big Mazel Tov to Josh and his whole family. Oh, come on, come back to the pod whenever you want. We are going to have a very special guest later, which is my mom. So I'm very excited to have my mom on the podcast, it's going to be great. But Ellen, we'll start with our regular weekly question. And the question for us is, what is something that has been passed down to you?
I have to say that the first thing that I think of is in terms of inheritance and passing down, and because we are now on our Shabbat at home blessings, I think of our family's candlesticks, big brass candlesticks. And they're the only thing that I know that I have that came from Eastern Europe, and my great grandparents. And so Shabbat always has a special place because of those candlesticks. But then I mentioned before we turned on the microphones here, that this week, while you and I are speaking we're in, we're getting to the end of the book of Genesis, and how all the children of Jacob get blessed. And I have been thinking a lot about what's been passed down to me in terms of family traits, positive or negative. And how, what a great idea it is to reflect on some of those and say, can I see even the challenges of what's been passed down to me as a blessing and as something that I can build on and grow from etc, etc. So that's on my mind a lot these days.
That's beautiful. And it reflects not just the reality of our world in which we inherit a lot of things from our family, and they're not just immediately positive, but that the blessings that Jacob gives his sons, some of them aren't great. And you are stubborn, and you shall be stubborn, and your descendants, you know, that's paraphrasing, but what does it mean? What does it mean? And I think of that, too, in terms of when someone has passed, and we say, may their memory be a blessing. Sometimes they say, may it be a blessing for you, no matter how you learn from their life, whether it's in what to do or what not to do, because so often it's a mix of both, and that both of those things can be blessings.
Well, Torah is an example of that, for sure. Our, our, our stories are all about what to do and what not to do.
Yes, I think when we get later today, we'll certainly mentioned some folks from the Bible that I'm like, uh, do you really want me to be like them? But I'll share that I was thinking about traits in the same sort of way. I joke that my love of baseball is hereditary. I'm a Cubs fan because my father was a Cubs fan. I call myself an emotional fan. I have no idea how they're doing at any given point in the season, I don't know who's on the team, but I see that logo, or you know, when I go visit Chicago, I'll just look at the stadium and be like, Oh, think of Abba, and feel connected to him in that way. And as I get older, there are so many traits of mine, that I'm like, Oh, I'm my mother, becoming, you know, we have those moments. So, you know, when I dance there are a couple of dance moves that I do now that I'm like, Oh, this is this is from mom, when I randomly burst out into song or sing old commercial jingles. You know, she, she brought a lot of joy and whimsy, and I try to do that. We also, whenever we paused a movie or TV show, we put up her hands and go pause! You can't really see it. Yeah, my hands are like down like little animal pocket. Yeah, it's like a pause, like, I'll do that, like all of these, all of these things. But but the older I get, the more I just appreciate that, my mom just loves joy and fun and surprise and delight. And she knows how to be serious and cares a lot. And there are moments of joy. So I try to greet those moments where I feel like my mother with joy and not with, oh my gosh, I'm becoming my mother.
Yes. And coming to you and to our conversation today as a parent, and watching my own children who are now adults, in terms of, oh, gosh, did they really learn that from me? Or, yipee, they learned that from me! And everything in between, I assure you.
And everything in between, it really is. So friends, we're talking about kiddos and families a lot because we've been on our sweet and cozy journey through Shabbat at home, it's really just been such a delight, especially in these dark days to get to have a little taste of Shabbat. We're recording this on a Thursday. And even when I was researching this earlier this week, it's been so sweet. We lit the candles, maybe in your beautiful inherited candlesticks, and we sang Shalom Aleichem, and now it's time for blessings, particularly children's blessings. And as we'll talk about family blessings. Or whoever else is around your table, even if it's just you, blessings for you. Back in episode 43, we talked a little bit about the priestly blessing, which is a part of this. So if you want more on that you can listen to episode 43. But we're gonna start with the particular children's blessings, the traditional ones, and then we'll see what happens from there. But first, just a little bit about how did this tradition come to be to bless children and families on Friday night?
Wow. I want to open it up a little bit. I'm so curious, because so many of our episodes thus far have been of course about quote unquote blessing G?d, Baruch Atah. And now all of a sudden, and even the Yevarechecha was G?d saying, here's how you're gonna bless the people. And this one is so human that I'm curious about that aspect of one human being just outright blessing another human being. So with your permission, I'd love to share a passage from Rachel Naomi Remen's book, My Grandfather's Blessing.
Please!
And it's, she starts like this: Blessings come in forms as simple as the greeting commonly used in India. On meeting a total stranger, one bows and says namaste, I see the divine spark within you. Here, we are too often fooled by someone's appearance, their age or illness or anger or meanness, or just too busy to recognize that there is in everyone a place of goodness and integrity, no matter how deeply buried. We're too hurried or distracted to stop and bear witness to it. When we recognize the spark of G?d in others, we blow on it with our attention and strengthen it, no matter how deeply it has been buried or for how long. When we bless someone, we touch the unborn goodness in them and wish it well.
Wow.
I so like that idea of, of that, here's what I see in you. Here's the flame that that I know is there that I'm fanning. I don't know if that does anything for you, but I find it very inspiring.
It really does in that so much of blessing, whether it's divine directed or human directed is about attention. That that's the beauty of it is I'm taking this time and I'm directing my intention and my attention at you and my hope for you, whatever that hope might be. Because I think often the challenge goes the other way, which is, okay, if you sneeze and I say bless you, or if I can hope for another person that their life be good and send them blessing, but actually blessing G?d is challenging .Blessing G?d is like, what does it mean that G?d needs my blessing? I know we talked a little bit about this back in our Baruch Atah Yud Hey Vav Hey episode, but I just, I just taught a class about blessings. And so it's been on my mind. Because even when we do that hoping or that asking, okay, we want their lives to be better, what is the force that could come in and make their lives better? Or when the Kohanim, the priests, bless the people, then the next, in the next verse, G?d says, and that is how I will bless the people. And so no, you said that the priests were going to bless the people. But it's all kind of the cyclical that it goes through us and through some of divine, some sort of divine process to come out in the world.
And what I experience in the moment, though, is actually somebody taking the time to fan my spark. To say, I see something in you or I'm responding to what I need, I hear from you, and, and I care. And I heard, I'm hearing this for you, and I'm wishing this for you. And it is, it is a most Human-G?d-Compassion triumvirate going there for me.
It really is. I'm thinking of times, where, you know, it is said that on your birthday, you have special blessing powers. Or you know, traditionally it's said that a bride before her wedding has special blessing powers and times in my life, where someone has given me a blessing, when in that intentional space, and that's what it is right? It's that attention and that intention that's so powerful. So, why children on Friday night? Found a couple of interesting things. First, in this book A Day Apart: Shabbat at Home, I basically inherited my family's entire Judaica library, and I have so, that's a story for another time, is how all of those books ended up in my tiny office in New York, when I didn't think when I thought I, I thought I had one box of books coming and I got a dozen boxes of books. So.
Sounds like an abundance of riches to me.
Exactly. Now that they're in my house and on shelves, and I don't live in New York City anymore, it's very helpful. And I can be like, Oh, I have this book I've never opened. So according to this book, it became a custom starting in the Middle Ages for parents to bless their children before Kol Nidrei. Thinking about our mortality, what's going to happen for us, I want a good year for me, what's going to happen to me, and I want a good year for you, children, what's going to happen to you? Another kind of High Holiday specific thing like the Aleinu that's ended up happening all the time, what it means to take it out of that time context.
Mm hmm. And that, that even the idea of, for those who aren't familiar with it, the idea that Kol Nidrei is a rehearsal for our own death, and that we might not even come out on the other side of Yom Kippur alive. Of course, thank goodness we did. But that at that face, like you say, faced with my own mortality, eventual, but even right now, what do I, what do I hope for, what do I wish for my children? I found it very powerful. I had not heard that before. And yes, and now, I guess, at any given moment, we don't know what's happened, what's gonna happen next. So why not spread the blessings to our loved ones, in any way and in any moment that we can.
Right, and so it's understandable that a beautiful family blessing like that migrates into Shabbat. There's a page from Congregation Adath Israel, we'll share this in the show notes. The Sefer Ma'avar Yabok, which I had never heard of, notes that you should bless your children on Friday night because first of all, the power of the Satan is diminished on Friday night, the power of, you might say, the accuser, or the bad forces in the world. Additionally, there's just, they say the tzinuros, tzinurot, the pipes of bountiful blessing are open at that time, and that sometimes parents are frustrated with their kids. And so -
No!
Has that ever happened to you? So strange, no, but to say, we kind of start off Friday night in a blessing way, so that hopefully the rest of the time can be full of love and spirit and also notes in the Sefer Ometz Yossef that maybe after we've done Kabbalat Shabbat and Friday night prayer, we're already feeling that spirit, we're feeling that love. and that that's a good time to share blessings.
Mm hmm. I love that idea that this is part of the practice of just immersing oneself more fully into Shabbat coming home from T'fillah. I'm thinking of the two angels that we already blessing that that mentioned in a previous episode that come home with you. And that's that time, image comes up for me of the one, if you're not in a blessing mood and your home isn't filled with the blessing of Shabbat, then the quote unquote evil angel will need to say, you know, so won't it be next Shabbat as well. But if we come home, and we're filled with blessing, and we and love for our family, and are in the mood to bless our children, then bring it on.
Yeah, go ahead. And, of course, it's been ritualized, but I think it's a reminder to me that like, if you care about someone, if you love someone, if you're grateful for something that somebody did, if you want to wish them well, don't wait. That's something I'm trying to practice, don't, don't wait. It's like one thing to do it in your heart, and that's great. But sharing that with them, you know, then they get to partake in it, then they get to feel beautiful feeling.
Makes a difference!
Makes a difference. Don't wait for blessings. So let's start with our traditional children's blessings. Ellen, would love for you to read the Hebrew of that out loud. And you can see how that feels.
Okay, well, it goes back to Torah. So these are quotations, you know, at least the first line straight from the Torah portion. And we will acknowledge right out of the gate that this is not gender sensitive. And, and this is tradition, and we are going to take our conversation into expansion and inclusion as well. So it says for a boy, I am reading to you from The Gates of Shabbat: A Guide for Observing Shabbat, which is published, was published a number of years ago by the CCAR, the Central Conference of American Rabbis, that says for a boy, Yesimcha Elohim ke’Ephraim v’che’Menashe. For a girl, Yesimech Elohim ke’Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, ve’Leah. And those are the two lines I have here for the Reform ritual.
Those are the two lines I have in all of the variety of Friday night books and ventures that I have strewn across my desk. What translation do you have there?
The translation is, says, its, its interpretive, I've gotta say. May G?d inspire you to live in the tradition of Ephraim and Manasseh.
Ooh!
Who carried forward the life of our people. And the same thing with the four young ladies, may G?d inspire you to live in the tradition of Sarah and Rebecca, Rachel and Leah, who carried forward the life of our people. I find that interesting already. But maybe we should compare that to a few other translations and see what we find.
Yeah. I'm looking here at the Anim Zemirot Friday nights bencher, bencher being, I've never had to think about what bencher means. I guess it comes from to bench, which is one way of colloquially, maybe additionally saying to say the grace after meals, Birkat Hamazon. So there's that in here, but there's also all sorts of other things. So this is the Anim Zemirot Bencher, and it says, May G?d make you like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah, May G?d make you like Ephraim and Manasseh. But now I'm wondering about that translation of you yesimech and yesimcha. Is that the same as what we'll see later in the priestly blessing v'yasem? Is it sim? Is it just placed? Or is there something else happening here? Hebrew wise?
The first connection that I had to it was thinking about it in terms of Sim Shalom, grant peace, Sim Shalom. So may G?d grant you, I find this interesting, or give to you, as Gd gave to Ephraim and Manasseh. Because I also noticed that, that also said to me that even though we're the ones who were doing the blessing in the moment, the emphasis is still on the blessings that come from G?d.
Right.
That it is not quite our power to actually bless. But it is in our power to call upon G?d's blessings for others. That's something I need to spend some more time thinking about.
Yeah, I'm thinking of the phrase Simu lev, which would be translated as pay attention, but I guess literally means place your heart, place or put your heart. And that goes back to I think what we were saying in the beginning about intention and attention in terms of the blessing, what it means to orient ourselves in a particular way and notice things and why Ephraim and Mennaseh and why the matriarchs?
Wow, well, now we get to answer, you know, what is G?d's blessing for Ephraim? What was that thing that G?d was giving to Ephraim and Manasseh? So Eliana, can can you give us some Torah?
Yeah, yeah yeah! So this is where we are to look back, again, thank you, A Day Apart for directing us to Genesis 48. Jacob is dying, and Joseph goes with his sons, Ephraim and Manasseh, to see them. Jacob declares that they will be his sons, like his other sons. And we see, you know, sooner or later in the Torah, that Ephraim and Menasseh are tribes, and there is no tribe of Joseph, kind of, his line has continued through his sons. And there's this beautiful line, I don't know that it really got to me, where Jacob says, I never expected to see you again. And now G?d has let me see your children as well. Just so beautiful, those, those miraculous moments that,
Yeah.
Again, in the time that we are, we can kind of like hold on to even more of a family's being together. So Jacob, in his last days, he can't see very well, he calls them closer, and Joseph tries to maneuver Menasseh to the right and Ephraim to the left, but Jacob crosses his arms and makes a big show in the story about and, and he was here, and he was here, and he crosses his arms, so Ephraim is now under the right hand, and Joseph is like, you've got it wrong, Father! And Father was like, no, no, I meant to do this. Because the younger, you know, Menasseh will do fine, but like Ephraim will overtake Menasseh and we just see this over and over again, ingratiate. Right? And the younger will serve the older, and the younger will overcome the older. This happens all the time. I can't remember who this was, it might have been a rabbi that I met in Alaska, who, who, whose whole thesis was that Genesis kind of came about, or these stories came about, when there was a dispute in like the Israelite kingdom, about a younger overtaking and older in terms of kingship, and so then all of these stories start popping up about well, the younger overtook the older but in any case, in any case, the blessing itself, first of all, verse 16, is Hamalach hagoel oti, May the messenger angel who is redeemed to me from all ill fortune, may G?d bless these boys and Hamalach hagoel, I'll have to look, I don't know who wrote the melody that we sing, hamalach hagoel oti, hamalach hagoel oti mikol rah, which has become part of like Saturday afternoon songs, because of its kind of beautiful, melancholic nature. Okay, so then we get to verse 20. Vayevarechem bayom hahu lemor, becha y'varech yisrael lemor, Yesimcha Elohim ke’Ephraim v’che’Menashe v'yasem et Ephraim lifnei Menashe. So, he blesed them, Jacob blessed them on that day saying, By you, shall Israel give blessings saying, G?d make you like Ephraim and Manasseh. Thus he made Ephraim go before Menasseh. And so we use those exact words from the Torah. And it's Israel himself, Jacob himself, saying, and all of Israel shall give blessings with these words.
I think it's, I was taught along the way that the most important thing about this is that the spell of sibling rivalry and it's horrendous consequences throughout the book of Genesis, the spell is broken with this blessing. That, that Ephraim and Manasseh are the first two siblings that we hear about that are not contentious with each other, and actually get along, which is why we don't, which is why we say can you please have a little what G?d gave to them because they got out of this not very positive trait that had been passed down from generation to generation all these years. I find that fascinating.
It really is. And thank you for bringing that up. I don't think I noticed that because I was wondering when it says, May G?d make you like Ephraim and Manasseh, like, we don't actually know that much about them as people. I think we have when their mother names them, I think, I have to go back and look at that. And we have this, and then they become tribes and we learn about them then but, you know, we don't know them in the story. But perhaps as you say, that's part of the point is it's pretty quiet because they're not fighting, which is better than Joseph's generation can say certainly.
Oh it's all, yeah, it's interesting to me. And it's also interesting to me that all of those past blessings that had to do with elder and younger and inheritance, were very much about land and territory, you know, cattle and those kinds of inheritances, and Jacob's down in Egypt, there's no land to be given away, there's no crops to be given away, there is nothing except perhaps something abstract or spark-ish or spiritual to bless them with, and now a parent is presented with, and today's specifically, you know what, so today's parents don't have to worry about blessing their children with material abundance. There is plenty of blessing that is not situational. In nature, perhaps.
That's beautiful. I think that's, I think that's great. Now I have a different way of looking at this, what it means to ask that our boys be like Ephraim and Menasseh. Of course, now I'm thinking, why can't that be a blessing for anybody of any or no gender? You know, it's like saying that to be made in G?d's image just means we look like G?d. I'm like, No, there's got to be something deeper than that. So why can't everybody? Because I don't know what my research, I couldn't find why the matriarchs were added why for a girl. It's, it takes the beginning. Yesimech Elohim k'Sarah Rivka Rachel v'Leah, like, why?
And I don't know do we have, have we come upon yet in our Jewish story, female, compassionate, strong sister bonds?
May if we're not thinking, literally of sisters may be like Ruth and Naomi, of women who support each other. Hmm. I guess that's a challenge.
Right? If we wanted to follow that separate but equal example, which I agree with you, I don't know that we do that. Why can't we bless all our children by asking that they be blessed like Ephraim and Menasseh? It's true. And there are any number of other people we might ask to be blessed. Like, which I think is also something that preparing for this podcast got me curious about.
Right, when I when I was looking for kind of non binary or any gender versions of these blessings, On Everyday Jewish Mom, and we'll share this link. They just put everybody together. Yesi, and if we, let's see, if we do gender neutral, and they have a version gender neutral with non binary Hebrew, we've talked about the non binary Hebrew project on the podcast before so let's see this. Yesimche Elohim k'Sarah, well, actually, it says Adonai, not Yesimche Elohim, which is interesting, because it's Elohim in all the other things I see. But in any case, Yesimche Elohim k'Sarah Rivka Rachel Leah Ephraim u'Menashe. So then it's just everybody gets everybody's blessing. Right, certainly one way to do it.
I do have, is this a good time for me to share from Mishkan Ga'avah, it's called Where Pride Dwells, and it's a celebration of LGBTQ Jewish life and ritual, also published by the Central Conference of American Rabbis. And we're jumping into the non binary world here as well as daughters in the differences in daughters and sons and in children in general. In this Siddur is a blessing for my queer daughter on Friday nights, which I'd be very happy to share with you.
Please.
It says a thank you for your gift of self. I see you. Thank you for trusting me with your unique truth. I affirm what you have shared with me. Thank you for being my teacher. I'm so proud of you. We are blessed to have you in our family, in our community and in this world. I rejoice in your courageous act of self affirmation. You are a revelation, you are a blessing . Just as you bless us, we bless you with these ancient words of hope and aspiration from our tradition. Yevarhech Adonai, ah, again Adonai, v'yishmerech. May G?d bless you and keep you, may you know that you are a blessing created in G?d's image. May you see yourself as a gift, a link in our ongoing chain. Ya'er Adonai panav eiliech v'chunech, may G?d's face shine on you and make you feel the radiance of G?d's love, As when I first saw your shining face. Yisah Adonai panav eilaich v'yasem lach shalom, may you know peace now and forever. And then it ends, which and here's the part that I think is can be used in every table. May you embody the ever evolving nature of Jacob, may you have the courage embodied by Miriam, may you have the resilience shown by Joseph, may you have the devotion expressed by Ruth to Naomi, just as you mentioned, Eliana. May you experience the love of Jonathan for David, may you find the models you need to become who you are, and may that bring you peace now and forever.
I love that.
I think that is that so beautiful to illuminate those qualities, irregardless of gender of our ancestors that you know, who were those role models, or those aspects of their very human personalities. That's, that's what we want to be like.
That's beautiful. And that's something I've heard people do also is, may you be you. May you be like you. May you feel free to grow into you and be yourself. Which was also beautiful. What about blessing other people in our families? I'll say something I don't think we're going to dedicate an episode to, is, there's a tradition of singing Eishet Chayil, which is from Proverbs, a woman of valor, who can find, it has a really beautiful melody. I've heard, Eishet chayil mi yimtzah. And I didn't grow up with my father saying Eishet Chayil. There's a joke, it might be apocryphal at this point, or not apocryphal? What's the thing where it's like it might be a story that didn't happen?
Abbava maisa.
It might be abbava maisa at this point. But my, my father, ohev l’shalom, may his memory be for a blessing, did not have the best singing voice. He had the best spirit, which we took, but the joke is that either him or my mom bought, like, a beautiful, papercut of Eishet Chayil. And that, he would just point at it, and not sing. And, I’m, I’m looking in the Lechu N'ran'nah bencher, and noticing that it has, it includes psalm 15, in praise of a worthy person, which is beautiful, and it has some language about exchanging blessing with partners, of a variety of genders or non genders, with quotes from Song of Songs, which is really beautiful, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before. Chinat yafa rayati, chinach yaffa. Indeed, you are beautiful, my love, beautiful indeed. And responding with them and kind of saying together, mayim rabim lo yochlu l’chavot et ha’ahavah, u’lecharot lo yishtafuha, vast floods cannot quench love nor rivers drown it. That was really beautiful!
Beautiful. I'm reminded of a, using Song of Songs which we read on Shabbat is is lovely. A rabbi, I will have to go back and find out who, tells the story of how he and his partner take off their wedding rings to wash their hands every Shabbat and then they have to ask each other to marry each other again, before they put their brings back on, and check in to make sure that they're they're still in every single week. Can you imagine that's beautiful.
Oh my god, isn't it?
Still want to be married? Okay!
I wouldn't been trained for this idea Eliana of when I have guests around the Shabbat table. Now I want to say to them, who would you like to be blessed like? And then perhaps everyone pleasant can share in blessing that person with what they feel they need or they would find inspiring that Shabbat. May you, yeseimcha Elohim k', fill in the blank, right?
I think there is something beautiful about connecting it to our heritage. It's part of the inheritance piece, right? It's feeling part of a lineage that you don't have to figure out everything on your own. Like, at a certain point you do, but we get to learn from our spiritual ancestors, those who came before us in our Jewish story, and those who came before us in our family story, we don't have to do everything from scratch. Just to note that some families might even want to bless their furry friends who live with them. My parents said that before they had kids, they had a lot of cats. And they would say, may you be as strong as the Lions of Judah. But there's blessings for other sorts of pets and anybody who happens to be in your beautiful household.
Wow, what I was just thinking where I just went was, there are some days when I think of my own dog, Charlie, and I almost want to be blessed with whatever Charlie's got, because he's very patient, and he's very mellow, and so, you know, I'll take a little of that. Thank you very much.
Sounds good to me. And with that, we'll be right back.
Welcome back everybody, time to look at the second component of our family blessing, which is, as we said before, the priestly blessing, rhe threefold blessing however we want to call it. I'll read that Hebrew again here, I'm reading from Seder Oneg Shabbos, this is another wonderful bencher. I'll show you, Ellen and maybe we can figure out a way to show,
Wow.
Our audience, there's beautiful kind of collages, illustrations, on every page. It's really a very beautiful bencher, okay. It says, Yevarechecha Adonai veyishmerecha
Ya’er Adonai panav eilecha viyechuneka
Yisa Adonai panav eilecha veyasem lecha shalom. May Hashem bless you and protect you. May Hashem's presence shine on you and be gracious to you. May Hashem be present with you and bring you peace. Amen.
Amen.
And, of course, there are many different translations of this, and we go over some of them together in our past episode, but I'm wondering what it does to take this from the liturgy of the Amidah, there's a difference between reading it to yourself, you're doing a silent Amidah, hearing it aloud if there's a repetition happening, duchenning, which is the process in some more traditional spaces of people in the community who are Kohanim, saying the words in front of everybody under their Talitot, maybe everybody's kind of closing their eyes and receiving those blessings. And taking that and putting it in the home? What, does anything change? What, what's different?
I'm thinking about, I believe it was just the last episode or a couple of episodes ago when we started our Shabbat at home blessings. And we talked about the, our table, our home, specifically our table is Mikdash Ma'at, as, as, as a little Mishkan and so, taking the blessing of the high priest for all of the people, you know, in the large sanctuary and bringing it to our Mikdash Ma'at, and in a way, if it's not sacrilegious, you know, the parents or the elders around the table do become like the Kohanim. And there's something that you put on our notes Eliana, that makes me think there's a problem with that. So I really want to hear more.
Yeah, in in some of the things I found, and we'll link to a particular source sheet, of course, Sefaria is so helpful in building these episodes. There was a machloket, a disagreement, or some rav that comes up, which is that it is against halacha, against Jewish law, to impersonate a Kohen, to do things that a Kohen would do if you are not a Kohen. And so saying these words that are said specifically in the Torah: And you, Aaron, and your sons, the Kohanim, will bless the people with these words. In particular, the action of putting your two hands on your child, which, putting your hands on heads is perhaps part of the embodied nature of this, certainly a tradition that that means you're impersonating a Kohen. And there's different rabbis throughout looking at this practice who try to make it okay, one of them says only do one hand don't do two hands. But basically the conclusion was that, Oh, it's fine. But that I, that idea of impersonating a Kohen is something I hadn't thought of before. But now based on what you said, I'm thinking of it more like in miniature. Right, we're not, you know, maybe my parents aren't pretending to be actual Kohanim. They're saying like, in miniature, in this scenario, yes, we are the ones who are passing down the blessing.
We have so many other rituals that have been transformed simply because the Temple no longer exists, there are no longer sacrifices, there are no longer Kohanim. But we don't want these traditions of blessing either entire congregations or, or our children. And as long as I don't act like a Kohen the rest of the week, for 30 seconds on a Friday night, my children can handle it.
That's beautiful. Also thinking about what maybe the difference in proximity does. Because I actually love participating in duchenning. I'm a bat Levi, and so my job is to wash the hands. It's really the last piece, one of the last pieces of ritual theater we have left. And I totally understand why egalitarian synagogues wouldn't. It's very un-egalitarian to say, and these people have this special job that only they can do, because their parents were like, I get it. And there's something very powerful about it. I love leading services. I don't usually like leading Musaf, but I like leading Musaf where I get to feed the words of the priestly blessing, you kind of whisper, the leader whispers it and then the people saying the blessing, say it louder. And so it's like, right, it's this, you become a conductor of blessings. I'm like rolling my hands I mean conductor, not in terms of music, but in terms of energy, almost.
Like a conduit.
A conduit, yes, pulling, bringing the cycle of blessing through allowing it to complete the cycle. And that can be very powerful. But it's something different to have your grownups or your caretakers or the people you live in the house with who know you very well say those words.
And some parents are not as freely spontaneous. You know, not every family is filled with people who are running around saying all the time, I love you, I see Yyu, I bless you, I hear you, even though they do.
Right.
And too, it's kind of almost like the rest of our prayers, what we don't often remember to say them aloud. So it's a good thing that we have a responsibility and we have ritual, so that we stop, you know this entire ritual around saying to your children, I see you. I hear you. I love you.
I see your, yeah, yeah. I see you. I hear you. I love you. That's beautiful. Speaking of which.
That's my little three fold blessing right there. I see you, I hear you, I love you.
Speaking of which, I'd love to hear about what the blessing moment looks like in your household. I'm really excited to hear about it.
Well, the blessing moment in our household is, I did not grow up with Ephraim and Manasseh or the Imahot there, and, and with the family blessing, but it is something that we instituted early on and with our children. And we do y'varechecha, we place both hands. And, and it's rather traditional, except my English for the last part of the threefold blessing is May G?d's presence always be evident to you, and may it always be a source of peace. And somewhere, I would say probably about 15-20 years ago, the tag and puppies got added there. They'd always be a source of peace. And then the whole family says and puppies.
Puppies!
And it lasts to this day and my quote unquote baby is 29 years old. And when we're all together, we are still adding puppies to our list.
I love that. I love, no I love the family shtick. Like what is, what are the pieces that only your family does? Because my family ended up with a lot of shtick and I'm excited to talk to my mom and ask her where this came from. She uses them, my parents did this. whether we were at home or whether my father in his role as rabbi was leading everybody maybe at a Shabbat dinner at the synagogue. They used Debbie Friedman's blessing. And I want to sing it but I also want to wait because my mom can sing it and bless us all. And a lot of a lot of shtick has been added. I love you oodles and oodles of skiddable noodles. I don't know what skiddable noodles are. That might have been a Bubbe thing, we'll have to ask her. We howl at the end now, also, I think because her and my mom and her husband Paul went to see a movie about wolves, this was a couple of years ago. And now we go, awoo! I do, I still do it kind of quietly, but they really, you know, if I'm in public, I'm like, awoo, give a little howl.
But we, if when if when a member of the family or another is on the Bima, and there's a yevarechecha, you can be sure that we look at each other and say and puppies.
I'm really excited to get to talk to my mom, let's, let's see what she has to say about the origins of, of our beautiful blessing traditions.
I cannot wait.
Hi, Mom. Welcome to the podcast.
Hi, Eliana, my favorite daughter. I have two children. I have a favorite son, and I have a favorite daughter.
Well, I appreciate that very much still. And thanks for for coming onto the podcast because this week we're talking about the family blessing. Boy, listeners, you can't see this. But my mother just put some Mickey Mouse ears on her head? They look great. I, was, was that in lieu of a kippah? Of a head covering?
Yes, it's what I had handy.
Well, before we actually get to the blessing part I want to ask you about what Shabbat at home was like for you when you were growing up.
Oh, well, both my parents sang in the choir. That's when we had late services that started eight o'clock. So we would get our undergarments on and wear a robe, have matzah, have chicken soup, so that we didn't have anything too heavy because they were going to sing, and run out the door. And that's how I thought everybody had Shabbat dinner, was in their bathrobe.
Of course, you know, we think the way that we grow up is the way that everybody does it. I know that was certainly true for me like, oh, every family has a bajillion people over every Friday night and every family sings all the songs they know from the B'kol Echad bencher with the songs in it until 11 at night, and does the one line version of the grace after meals and kicks everybody out of the house. I am wondering from, from that to kind of the way that I grew up with Shabbat at home, there's a, there's a wide gap. And I'm wondering, like, how did our particular family tradition evolve?
Well, in college, I got involved in Hillel and organized a number of potluck Shabbat dinners with Brandeis-Bardin Alumni, that was one of my jobs at Hillel. And so, and having been to BCI, to see where you do sit and you see, after Shabbat and adding in all the blessings, including the birkat hamazon and everything. That's something I just really loved.
What, what about it? What did you find meaningful about Friday night in particular?
I love to sing, I love to sing the Zemirot, I love to be around people, the chance to stop from the work day and connect with other people. And I just, I love doing Shabbat and I loved doing it with other people. I did try to do it on your own by my, I tried to do it by myself, and it's very lonely. You really need those other people around to really feel a great Shabbat experience, to feel elevated, to be different than the rest of the week.
Were you thinking about how you would do Friday night blessings at home before you had kids? Or was that something, especially the family blessing part that developed after I made you a mom?
Well, at the Shabbat table before children, we had cats. And so we had a special blessing for the cats. We would say: May you be as strong as the Lions of Judah.
I love that story. Where did it, who decided to start that? How did it happen? You don't know?
I don't know. We just, you know, go into the B'kol Echad book and you do the Shalom Aleichem the Kiddish and the Motzi, and, and before that is the blessing of the children. We had no children so we blessed our cats. They were our furry children.
What, who, which cats did you have back then? Flash and Neon?
Oh, Neon died right away, his, his light went out. He never made it back from Israel. Slash we brought back from Israel. And then we got Moon, I don't remember where Moon came from but it was Flash and Moon in Chicago.
And then -
Highland Park, excuse me.
Highland Park.
Yeah.
And then you had, you had kiddos by the time I was old enough to remember what the blessing was like, you had added Debbie Friedman's beautiful English blessing. How did you learn that and decide to make it a part of our tradition?
I got asked to be a leader for a program from Hadassah, called Training Wheels or Al Galalim. And the idea was to get early childhood families together for Jewish family education based on Shabbat and the holidays and some other things. And so I got a cassette tape of Debbie Friedman's, Zichrono Livracha, Al Galgalim, she made a song for every holiday. And there was things were Shabbat, and there was this blessing song. And so I learned it, and I thought it was just beautiful. And we added it to the traditional priestly benediction before the Y'varechecha. So that's definitely where that came. And we did it when you were little. And it's just something we've, I've continued on, I just think it's beautiful. And it gives a bit of an intention, I think before the Y'varechecha.
And then along with that, over the years has developed a lot of other parts of the blessing, what one might call shtik, there's a part where we make funny faces, and there's the ooh! That was right, a Bob Clampet cartoon!
Yes, that's where that came from.
What are skiddable noodles?
The people want to know!
That people want to know! I love you oodles and oodles of skiddable noodles. I'm not sure where that came from? I'm not sure now that you say it. I don't know what a skiddable noodle is. But I will say I do remember quite distinctly hearing a lecture, I'm pretty sure it was Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, saying how his father or grandfather used to personalize the blessing for each child. And that, I remember, like, whoa, hitting me in the face, like, of course, I can personalize it to each child and like what's going on. So that's where I've added things like, may you have a restful Shabbat, or, you know, without launching into it, I'm not sure where it fits in the blessing, actually, may you have a successful, hope you've had a successful week or whatever, just little things to make it personalized for what's going on in each child's life, even though my children are adults.
Well, mostly. Well, we're never too old for a blessing. And I think that's one of the things that's been so meaningful to me, is to have this thread of connection, and to really feel that love on Friday night, it's a great way to enter my Shabbat, and of course, I FaceTime you and maybe you're in Target, often you're in Target, maybe you're getting your nails done, maybe you're at the hairdresser, maybe you're in the car, and you'll always find time to do the full family blessing. And I wonder how does it feel to do those things in public and to and to share that kind of like personal family moment with whoever happens to be around?
It gets pretty interesting. I just kind of go off into a corner. I do remember once in Target, I was sitting down on the paper towels. And I just thought this is such an odd juxtaposition here. It's just hilarious but the connection part the bringing together like no matter how busy your week or your brothers were week has been, usually we can, with you always, you'll call me no matter where you are in the world. You're like Carmen Santiago, where in the world is Eliana Light? Anyway, you'll call me from there, and we'll have this special time of blessing.
Yeah. And what is it - What is your intention? What are you hoping the blessing might do? Or what does it do for you and for us?
It makes me stop and really feel the love. It's just a moment of gratitude to G?d and for my children, and it just makes, everything else stops in that moment. It doesn't matter if I'm doing it in front of a whole congregational Shabbat dinner, and I'm giving that blessing. It's like a flow, to me, it really feels like a flowing of energy. From me to my bless-ee, I'll say.
And it's very special when, when I have a friend over or when I'm talking to somebody else on the phone, or, when we're all together, that they get to be part of the blessing too. And that I feel, it's exactly what it, what you said, I can stop and take it in and feel that love. And then I have that blessing energy that then I get to share with other people too, which is so beautiful. And I'm not sure that I've ever liked, thanked you directly for that. And for making that blessing, such a beautiful and consistent part of my life. But it really does mean a lot to me. And I feel really grateful for so many things, of course, that you've done and continue to do.
Now you're gonna make me cry.
Oh, it's okay. Really, truly. And, of course, I think we should end, it's, we're recording this on a Thursday, so I'll still call you tomorrow. But we could do a blessing now, for our listeners, really. And just just to note, friends, there is a point at the end, this I think is the last piece of shtik that evolved, because you and Paul saw a movie about -
Called Wolf Walkers. An animated movie called Wolf Walkers. And hence what happens at the end. Need I say more?
Okay, I'm just, that has become the the part that I'm the most timid about when I'm in public, but we'll, we'll see what we could do here. But yeah, friends who are listening if you're in a place where you can stop and take a breath, or just ready yourself for a blessing moment.
May G?d bless you and keep you every moment every day. May G?d smile at you, and feel your heart in every way. May G?d help you find the goodness and the beauty and may everyone enjoy this podcast in everything you do. May you be blessed with peace from above. Yesimech Elohim ke’Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, ve’Leah, Yevarechecha Adonai veyishmerecha, Ya’er Adonai panav eilecha viyechuneka, Yisa Adonai panav eilecha veyasem lach shalom
. Love you oodles and oodles of gluten-free skiddable noodles!
Oh, thanks mom. I love you!
I love you so much sweetheart.
And with that we'll be right back.
Welcome back, everyone. Let's talk about melodies, melodies that we have for this family blessing moment. Why don't you get us started, Ellen?
I think that what you just heard during the break was one of my favorite melodies for the family blessing moment. And it is in both Hebrew and English. This is written by Rabbi David Paskin, and it's called Birkot Hamishpacha, family blessings. And it's lovely because the Hebrew changes some of the words, it's, you may have heard harachaman hu yevarech otanu kulanu yachad birkat shalom. Means may the Merciful One bless us, all of us, Kulanu, Yachad, together, with Birkat Shalom, with this blessing of peace. And the English verses mentioned Ephraim and Manasseh, and Sarah Rivka Rachel Leah. And it's this lovely combination of the children's blessings that we've been speaking with. And again, I love every attempt to make it first person plural, and make it you know, going on right now. So that's one of the reasons I love this melody so much. Another favorite melody of mine is by the Jewish group Mah Tovu, which is headed up by Rabbi Ken Chasen and Yoshi Tzewiback, and they have a very old song, which is Parent's Prayer. And it's lovely because it says, and I have to switch gears from the other melody. It's very much gather your kids on your lap. I've been using this for eight years with a family congregation. And it's the English verses are here with you beside me I feel so greatly blessed. It's lovely. And the refrain says, Yesimcha Elohim ke’Ephraim v’che’Menashe, may G?d give you strength like Joseph's sons, Yesimech Elohim ke’Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, ve’Leah, May G?d make you like our mothers, like our Blessed Ones. So this make you like our fathers, it's make you like our mothers. With English verses, and the tagline of the whole piece is may G?d make you like our parents, like our blessed ones. And this melody is easily 20 years old. And I hear it in a lot of Reform congregations. And I have to tell you, every other week for the last eight years, and there's still a lot of tears in the room each time when the parents gathered their children and we sing this together so, it's become a favorite.
Those are so beautiful. I love, even though we've been talking about a home ritual, whenever I get families, especially with little kiddos together, I got to do a family blessing just to be able to facilitate and hold space for that special moment within families that we get to have together. And I always want to use Dr. Emily Aronoff's family blessing. It's very special. In the first verse, the grownups, the caregivers repeat after the leader and bless their kiddos. But then in the second verse, the kiddos get to repeat after the leader and bless their grownups. And I'm in the sweet spot where they're like enough kids over five that can actually you know, when I say and if the kiddos are too young, then they're blessing you in their heads in their hearts. Like, right, we want to include everybody. But when I'm in a place and I sing, you are a blessing and I hear you are a blessing. It's just the most beautiful sound in the whole world. And sometimes the adults will try to sing along I'll be like, No, just the children. Let the children sing it! Yeah.
Wow, and how empowering for the children to have the ability to bless when you can barely form the words, you can see the effect on your parent's face.
It's, it's miraculous, it's marvelous. I actually want to tell the quick story that this is reminding me of. And then we'll play a little bit of the song if we have time. We can cut this out if not, but one of the times I was leading a Tot Shabbat at a synagogue I was working at. We had gone a long way to planning the service and planning everything so that people were really in it and paying attention. When I first started there, it was really raucous and loud and the grownups were talking in the back and my after my first service, I asked my friend who used to lead them, what do you do when it gets wild like that? And they said, well, we just turned the microphones louder. It was like, Oh, we have different, we have different goals and aspirations for the space. So anyway, I've been working with him for a while and we were at a place where most everybody was paying attention except for these two parents who were talking to each other and their little kiddos were sitting on either side. And I did all the song leader tricks I said at the beginning, this is a time for families to be together. Thank you for being present. I took, I looked at them. I gave them the eyes. I took my guitar and walked right up to their row in the chapel and sang at them and they were still talking and after all that it was like okay, you know what? I've done what I can, the kiddos are having a nice time, I'm gonna let it go. And then at the end of the service, I do Emily's family blessing, they're still talking. And when I get to the point where I say, and if you would like, you can put your hands on your children's heads, you see one of the little girls, grab her mother's hand, and place it on her own head. She's just quiet and stoic the whole time. And the mom shakes it off, she's still looking the other way. Oh, I know. But this little girl is not deterred. She picks up the hand, her mom's hand, puts it on her own head. And suddenly it was if this mother like awoke from a dream, she like snapped her neck around, she looked around the room and she started to cry. Because she, she didn't know what she was missing out on that there was magic going on in their family. And the fact that the three year old could feel it and was inviting her mother into the moment was just such a powerful, powerful thing. I don't think I'll ever forget that. And we can play some of Emily's here.
Welcome back everyone. As usual, we're going to end with just a little moment of blessing, if you will, a little moment of being if you'd like. And if you're in a place where you're able to, you can sit up a little taller in your chair, stand or lie down in a way where you can feel yourself connected to the earth. You can straighten your spine imagining it a sacred ladder between heaven and earth and earth to heaven. You're invited to relax your shoulders away from your ears, relax your face, let your arms fall to your lap. And just start to follow the pattern of your breath in and out. And in and out. Letting your breath be a conduit to presence, a doorway into this very moment right now. And I invite you with each breath, to think or place the intention in your mind. You are a blessing. And I invite you to imagine someone who is close to you, in your family, in your friends in your community, who you would like to send some blessing to. And imagine you saying to them, you are a blessing. How about someone else now, that you would like them to know you are a blessing. And take the next few breaths to send that blessing to whomever you would like maybe even someone who can be a little challenging to you. Can they be a blessing also? And now I invite you to turn that on yourself. Can one part of yourself say to that divine spark within you that is always there, you are a blessing. You are a blessing. And I invite you to breathe in the blessing of this beautiful quote by Rainer Maria Rilkie, believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance and have faith that in this love. There is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it. Take another breath in that blessing knowing that it is always there for you. You are a blessing, Ellen.
That doesn't t mean to be this long pause. I was just looking for my mute button.
You are a blessing!
You are a blessing Eliana. I have to say that spending this kind of time with you, Josh, we miss you, hurry back, and Eliana, what a pleasure it's been to talk through all of this with you today.
It is such a blessing! Thank you, Ellen! Thank you listener you are also a blessing! Our podcast editor Christy Dodge is a blessing! And Yaffa who does our show notes is a blessing, go to light lab.co for our amazing show notes! Our Podcast Producer, Rachel is an incredible blessing! And again, so are you. Thank you so much for being on this journey with us. Find us on the socials, connect with us. I hope you have whenever you are listening to this, that your next Shabbat is a beautiful one, and that you may feel full of blessings.
