Episode 34

Steff Gallante34min

Steff Gallante

00:00

Hello, friend, welcome back. And if this is your first episode here in the humanizing the ship, we need to talk about atmosphere. Welcome. How is life landing for you these days? Well, Friend, here we are, second to last week of August. And the shit we need to talk about today is that fall is an incredibly busy and variable season, which you already know, right? This can feel really great for some people. But for others, it can be totally dysregulated and aggravating. And so we need to be focused on fostering stability, and establishing harmony from now. And this is perfect timing, Since here we are in the second week of August. And some of you have already experienced the change in schedule and responsibilities that you know, usually happens sometime in this time of the year, and the rest of us are getting ready for it. So in today's episode, we're going to be diving into fostering stability. And then next week, we are going to be talking about establishing harmony. So these two practices are going to be incredible, incredibly supportive for you. And so I encourage you, make sure you listen, continue listening, come back to you know parts of this if you need to, if you're listening in pieces, and make sure that you're listening next week as well. So when it comes to fall, as I'm sure I've mentioned before, it's a variable season energetically meaning the energy is changeable and ever changing. Now when I have it a science fall is categorized as a vata season Vata is an energy in either VEDA that is governed by the air and ether elements. And in case you're unfamiliar, the ether element is also called space or spirit. So the characteristics of vata energy and fall include mobile, flexible, changing, cool dry, for those of you who live in an area of the Northern Hemisphere, where the seasons change, you know, like there are, you know, visible and tangible changes. You're probably already thinking like when I mentioned this, you're probably already thinking of like cooler temperature or perhaps if you live in an area that is similar to New Jersey, where it could be cool in the morning, summer temperatures midday and then back to cool in the evening. That's also the case you know, mobile changing also leaves change color, there might be a crispness in the air, things like that. Now, the qualities of vata season and vata energy can feel really great for those of you who are dominant in Kapha energy that's that stable energy. But if you are vata or Pitta dominant remember that Bata mobile flexible changing cool dry maybe a tendency towards anxiety or worried newness or Pitta energy which is what's governing right now here in the summertime, right, that's fire and water coming together those elements to create an energy that is intense, it is sharp, it is light, it is also sometimes mobile. Some for you know, some people their characteristics might be competitive or really motivated, passionate, could be easy to anger, right? So, that's kind of Pitta dominance or Pitta qualities. And whether you are a Vata, Pitta dominant or currently experiencing kind of a higher energy from either of those, you are going to have to really be conscious of how you meet yourself from here on out, right, because right now, we, you know, if especially if you are experiencing some changes to your schedule, or your responsibilities are both, you know, within these next couple of weeks, and then once we get into the beginning of September, we begin the glitch period, which is that transitional space between the two seasons, which of course, then also adds to some instability feelings. So, if you are Vata, Pitta dominant, you really need to make sure that you are paying attention to yourself, not to say that if your coffee dominant that you don't need to, because you do too, right, but it's just going to be a little bit of a different focus. And so, what I need to make sure that I say to you, though, is this big thing if you are not in an active practice of fostering stability, and establishing harmony, which we're gonna talk about next week, within yourself if you're not an active practice of these two things. I hate to say this to you, but I'm gonna say the hard thing anyway. dysregulation will be a regular occurrence and burnout will be coming for you. That's the real talk. And you know, I will not shy away from it because it doesn't do any of us. Either of us any favors. I cannot say this enough. And I'll continue to say it probably till the end of time, it is important not to wait until you feel unstable to reach for steadiness meaning like just ignore it any other time. But reaching for steadiness when you finally feel unstable. Instead, it is really important to have these practices going on, on the regular before the big need even occurs, because the reality is you can always benefit from grounding practices, deep nourishment, routines, stability, right. And so regularly coming to these regularly, having them be a part of your day is going to be really important, because it's going to allow you to be at more ease regularly. And also, it's going to allow you to reach for these practices when shit hits the fan. And that's what you want. Because the you know, if we don't practice something, it won't be accessible to us, especially when times get hard. Right. So the more practiced we are with something, the more easily it becomes available to us. So my friends, when it comes to fostering stability, you might be wondering, What in the world am I exactly talking about? Let's dive in. When it comes to fostering stability, we're talking about the ability to tolerate difficulty and withstand adversity without becoming consumed by your emotions and responding reactively. So it's cultivating this ability right? Now, I want to be very clear, and say that this is not about not having hard emotions. Notice that I didn't say bad or negative emotions, right? Because those labels are ship. It is not bad or negative, to feel angry, hurt, anxious or sad. And I know that that's what dominant culture tells us when you will hear it all the time. But there is there's nothing bad or negative about those feelings, they are feelings, that's what they are. We don't have to categorize them into good and bad. They can be hard, right? I sometimes categorize feelings as hard or easy. But there's nothing wrong with them. Right? And unfortunately, you know, I know from my generation, it may be your generation, too, that people did label emotions and may still do. You know, I've talked about this in past episodes where, you know, when kids are having a tantrum, we often say, you know, label that and label the behavior that they are exhibiting right as something bad or negative or hurtful. But the reality is, you know, we all need to learn how to be with our emotions. And we need to learn how to be in challenge with challenging emotions, right?

Steff Gallante

07:49

The problem is dominant culture is awful often, especially as adults, like peddling a good vibes only type situation, or oftentimes will offer some sort of silver lining or martyrdom of, well, I should be grateful for what I have, because others have it worse, which may be true, right? But that does not at all mean that you cannot have these emotions that you're having. Right? It just means that if somebody does have it worse than you, then you need to do something about it with your privilege and advantage, right? It's not, it's also not about avoiding adversity or conflict so that by default, you're stable. So I want to be very clear about these things. But what I am talking about when it comes to fostering stability is about cultivating the emotional awareness, to be present in adversity and conflict to remain calm. Step, take a step back, assess what's going on, reassess and then act in a composed or least mostly rational manner, because I'm not going to say that sometimes you shouldn't blow up or that sometimes you don't need to throw shit. I'm not gonna say that, right? That's a conversation between you and your therapist. And you and yourself, right? I'm not gonna say it, because we do have to express ourselves and sometimes shit gets to be too much. But the idea here is the more we can foster stability with our within ourselves, the less those big ass feelings and for lack of a better word right now outburst. You know, the way that those feelings bubble up to the surface and kind of play out in life, the less often that happens, and the less intense and that's the key, right is that we can remain more at ease more often, and get back to that place more easily. So it is not about not having those hard or big emotions. It's not it's about being able to be with them, not push them away. Not try to ignore them and also not let them bubble up or not chastise ourselves for having them. So foster stability so that you can be with your big emotions and act in a responsive rather than reactive manner. Right. And so here are some options to help you along. And the way I'm offering them today is from a lowest bandwidth and capacity situation to a highest one. So if you are at a like your lowest, you know, bandwidth capacity, this first option might be the one for you, then medium and then you know, more space, more bandwidth more capacity will be the last option. So of course, as always take what you need and leave the rest. So the first offering I have for you is to regularly ground yourself throughout the day regularly come to grounding practices throughout the day. And this is going to look different for everyone. Now, I offered this to you in last week's episode. So you may be like, Oh, but Steph, you already said this, I wanted to dive deeper into this right, because, you know, many of the practices we're doing we need to talk about them often. And we need to talk about them seasonally, and over and over and over again. Now in last week's episode, I was saying that when I'm talking to yourself, talking to you about grounding into yourself, I'm offering this in terms of being present in your body, or connected with Earth or the surface beneath you. Sometimes you'll hear people talking about grounding their thoughts, that is a practice. And that is the practice of trying to allow your thoughts to not be so fast, or bouncing all over the place distracting you possibly, you know, kind of pulling you away when from what it is that you want to focus on. So grounding your thoughts might be trying to slow them down. You know, and maybe only concentrate on one or a few thoughts or one subject something like that. That is not wrong, it's just different. And that can be a grounding practice. But in this, I really want you to focus on being present in your body. And that could be through touch, it could be through taste. It could be what you're hearing within your body, it could be seeing your body in space. I mean, there are so many options. And so last week, I offered you a few considerations. They were what helps you to feel present in your body, what helps you to feel connected with Earth or the surface beneath you. And how could getting grounded be of support for you, especially as you experience the rest of August and whatever it it holds for you. And also preparing for fall and experiencing falls in you know, variability and busyness. What helps you to feel at ease and present in your body? Now I was talking with a client recently about all of this. And she had been trying to think of really significant ways, right? Because when we do something, we want it to mean something right? So she'd been trying to think of like what would be significant for her what will be meaningful, but felt challenged because she like many people like most of us have a limited bandwidth and capacity. And so I reminded her that this isn't about big actions in terms of time or complexity. That's a dominant culture thing. Right? There's nothing wrong with you if that's what also what you were thinking, I reminded her there's nothing wrong with her either. It's not that she was doing it wrong. She was doing it the way that you know, we've been raised in dominant culture. But what I want to offer you is this other way of looking at it. Choose small and simple. And that still translates to very impactful. So we'd like to offer you for me, practices that helped me ground into myself are placing my hands on my body where it feels safe to, especially my heart, firmly planting my feet on the ground. Humming so bringing that vibration in focusing on my breath. Sometimes I'll talk to myself, audibly or silently, especially reminding myself of truths. I might do tapping on my body. I might stand outside. I might be barefoot in the grass if I have access to it, listening to the sounds of nature when I can. Also I love to look at the clouds see the sun shining or fighting the moon. Also my asana practice when it is tuned into my needs in the present moment is very grounding for me. And also a restorative practice. Because you know, with those Asana practices, whether it's, you know, a flow, or it's restorative, it's all based on when I'm coming to what do I need right now what would be supportive, that is bringing myself back to being present in my body. And so I encourage you to consider your practices, what helps you to feel at ease and present in your body? They may be very different from mine. And that's okay. And you also might say, oh, shit stuff, I don't know, well start exploring. Because the reality is, you know, you may never have been asked this question. So you may not have built this skill. Also, who you are now, maybe different from who you were six months ago, a year ago, five years ago. And so what you might need now might be different than what you needed previously. So I encourage you to really be curious. But without any sort of expectation, judgment, guilt, or shame. Try to be open as much as you can, right. And also remember that this does not have to be long, you can set aside you can stop, it can be random, right? It doesn't have to be planned. But remember, 10 seconds, 30 seconds, of what any of these practices I just said I do or anything that brings you presence and ease in your body, that is significant. And that matters. So small, however small, in time, or you know, in complexity is fine. It is so nourishing.

Steff Gallante

17:03

Now, the second offering I have for fostering stability. And this is kind of if you've got some a medium amount of bandwidth and capacity is building in blank space in your day. And the reason that this is kind of for the people who have medium bandwidth capacity is not because and remember, you know, when I talk about bandwidth and capacity, remember that, you know, we're talking about how much time you've got and how much energy you have to do you know what you've got time for? Right? So, obviously, we hope to have more time, but we're strapped for time sometimes. And you also have to honor you know, are you high energy or low energy, but also the type of energy because what you might do when you're feeling kind of anxious, may be different from what you're gonna be doing. If you're feeling frustrated, or like, gosh, I gotta get this thing done. Or if you're feeling lethargic, right. So it's important to, you know, honor that it's not going to look the same every single day, and that's okay. But anyway, coming back to building in blank space to your day, the reason that this is medium is because I hope that it will take a little bit of forethought. Because I what I'm encouraging you to do is create space in your schedule that is open, nothing is scheduled during this time. And in this time you choose to do whatever you want something that brings you joy, or whatever you might need in the moment. And that might be a grounding practice that we were just talking about. And so the grounding practice that we were just talking about that might be more sporadic, it may be reactive, at first. But I encourage you to try to maybe start with three times a day, maybe once in the morning, once midday, and once in the evening. And again, remembering because it doesn't have to be long, it could literally be sitting there for a moment, after you've eaten your lunch before you go and do whatever it is that comes next that counts, right 10 breaths in and out whatever it is. And so if you've got a little bit more capacity, if you've got a little bit more agency, you know, you're you're kind of tuned into your agency, you've got a little more autonomy over your schedule. Maybe you can build in that blank space, maybe the way that you start building in blank space is if normally you work through your lunch. Maybe you don't. And I know that that might sound like really, you know, not great, so maybe it's not multitasking during breakfast or dinner instead. Right? So sometimes I say the meal times because that tends to be a time where we multitask. Maybe you don't do that. And maybe you just start there where it's like, okay, I'm just gonna be present with my meal. Is that blank space? Not necessarily, but you do need to eat. And so you have if you're not in the practice of doing this, what I typically offer for people to start with is where they typically multitask. But if you can, you know if you can schedule 10 minutes in between meetings, because I know sometimes people go from meeting to meeting. Can you schedule Five Minute buffer, a 10 minute buffer that may start with the bathroom break. Right? So sometimes we have to start by where we are. And, you know, scheduling five minutes, you know, every couple of hours just isn't feasible for you right now. And that's okay. Right? Because this practice is the antithesis to hustle culture, culture, it really is, right. And I, the reason I started this conversation by saying, start where you are, right? Try to adjust, you know, where you might be multitasking or insert a bathroom break is because starting this practice was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Or it done in a while, it was so hard for me to stop filling my day with tasks, you know, because that's what made me feel like I was working hard, right. But I was really committed, like, when I came to this practice, I was committed to it. And eventually, it helped me to get clear on what was worth my time and what wasn't. Now, as a small business owner, I get to make those decisions. If you work for somebody, you may not right, but then that becomes a conversation of where can you delegate? And do you really need to be doing all of these things? And how can you maybe change things up a little bit, again, different conversation, but worthwhile to mention. Right? I need to be clear, I didn't create 26 hours out of a 24 hour day. But I got clear on what I needed to do and when and what I didn't need to do, and I got to start to clear some space, right. And so for me now being on the other side of actually being able to do this, I'm in the act of practice of scheduling and blank space in my day. And the easiest place for me to start actually was lunch, because I eat lunch by myself. And so I was able to just stop work, take time to prepare my meal, and eat, and then come back to my work, or whatever it was that I was doing. And I have to tell you, the practice has been really significant for me. You know, having the space intentionally to not work to not clean is because I work from home, to not be actively connected all the time is essential for me, because my tendency is to work, work work until I hit the wall. I desperately need space to just be or to do something creative or to watch TV for a bit, or whatever will ground and soothe me or bring me joy. Because the reality is, no matter who you are, like we all need more joy, there's and when I say that, it's because like, There's never too much joy, right? Like, it's not something that we can have too much of it, there really is no such thing. And I have to also tell you that the practice of creating blank space has been a huge help for me to maintain boundaries with work with my family members, and also creating space for the work that I want to come down the line or the other things that I want to do down the line. Or to be able to step away when something random happens and I you know, decide to take part of the day off or a day off, or whatever it is. So it makes it easier. So the question I have for you is how can you begin to create some blank space for yourself. Remember to start small, maybe with one, you know, minute here and there. Maybe working up to five minutes, maybe you've got a 10 minute window to spare, it doesn't have to be a huge quantity of time to be significant. Right? It could be for a minute, it could be for a song you dance or sing to whatever. So consider that. And then the last thing I want to talk about today in terms of fostering stability is your daily rhythm. This is how you begin your day how you move through your day, the schedule you keep how you align your work, and any any practices you do with the with the hours and energy of the day. Also your evening rituals, your wine down bedtime, all of these puzzle pieces will help you to keep your nervous system regulated. Because it gives you a rhythm your body can rely on and that's kind of similar to like your dog or your cat or human you might care for when they nudge you or alert you in some way that it is time to eat. It's time to sleep. It's time to go outside it's time to poop whatever it is that they've got going on. Right somehow they let you know. And it's especially you know, when you're talking about like, you know, older humans, but like if you've got like little little little ones, I can't tell time they're going off of their senses, right? You're I'm assuming you're talking your cat can't get get all time right. But you know, so it sounds like they've got a rhythm happening. And we tend to as adults bypass the rhythm because we got shit going on. But when we can rely on the rhythm, right, we know what's coming. We know that lunch is coming okay. And I have lunch prepared or you know Things went out of whack, but I know that dinner is coming. Oh, you know, I know That tonight I'm planning on, you know, taking some time for myself before I head to bed to do something that brings me joy, whether that is journaling or calling a friend, whatever it is, right? You can rely on that thing. It'll also support you in remaining grounding, grounded, stable, while resourced even when shit hits the fan, right? Because, again, when you've got kind of this schedule for yourself, that can ebb and flow by the way, because I want to be very clear that I'm not talking about rigidity, here, I am talking about establishing a schedule that you can change as needed and come back to so it will always be there for you, it's not going anywhere. Right, rather than just living life, you know, completely just, you know, off the cuff. And so I've talked about this in previous episodes, Episode 21 is the last time I really went through it deeply. Or I might have actually talked about it earlier than that in the summer as well. I'm gonna give this to you in very general guidelines. And you can always go back to a previous episode if you want to. So in a nutshell, the general guidelines we're talking about are wigging out or by 6am, like with the sun, morning routine of you know, self love rituals, exercise, eating breakfast, sometimes between seven and eight, between six and 10am, you're working on projects that require endurance of your mind, and that's whatever requires endurance of your mind and might be different for you than it is for me. Perhaps having a snack if needed between nine and 10am, your greatest productivity is gonna be between 10am and 2pm. Because that's the pit of time of the day when fire our digestive fire our motivation fire is highest

Steff Gallante

26:51

lunch between 12 and one a snack if needed between two and three creative projects tackling problems using that Bata energy between two and 6pm dinner sometimes between 530 and 7pm. And then using the window of time between six and 10pm for are winding down our evening rituals, exercise perhaps, and asleep sometime between 10 and 12am. You know, depending on the season, it's around 10 o'clock at night in the summertime, because we want to try to avoid being overstimulated. But these things do change. But the key is within this whole foundational, like general guideline for your day, is to choose the practices that support you in terms of how you're experiencing life again, what's going on? What are your responsibilities, what's your schedule that you've got to keep based on work, whatever you've got going on in your life, as well as your bandwidth, your capacity and how you're experiencing the current season. Right. So in the summertime, our daily rhythm has been about keeping cool and mellow physically as well as mentally, emotionally and energetically in the fall, it's going to be to be grounded in stable for vata and Pitta dominant friends, and for Kapha friends, kava dominant friends, it'll be to be uplifted and even spontaneous without becoming overwhelmed. And so, my friends, again, you know, this might sound complicated, but I promise you that once you start looking at life this way, it becomes uncomplicated. So I encourage you to notice what discomforts coming up what questions are coming up, and where excitement is coming up. Because I've got the same reflection questions I offered you last episode, I want to offer them again, because they're gonna we're gonna keep coming back to them. The questions that you've got to answer for this month are what subtle or big shifts are happening this month, or have already happened? Consider which ongoing practices will be nourishing and offer you the resourcing you need stability, grounding, if that's what you need, considering what you're already experiencing, and what practices do you need to keep in mind to reach for during hard moments? What do you need to be uplifted? And then when you look beyond August into September, what are you preparing for in September and the fall season? How do you want to experience fall? How do you typically experience fall? And what's your normal method of operation because of that? And if that doesn't really work for you consider what shifts can you identify from old behavior that you know you need to kind of change this month in preparation for fall? What energy do you want to take advantage of and where do you need to make shifts for better balance? And where do you need support and from WHO? Really important to consider. I'll remind you of them next week too. So don't worry if you're like yeah, I don't have the capacity for that today. That's okay. And before we say goodbye, my friend, I need to make sure that I reiterate one really important thing and caution you against falling into the trap that is all too common in a transitional period, which is feeling compelled to do more self care to help yourself deal with it all. What if I told you you didn't have to do that? What if I told you you didn't have do more? What if I told you what have I reminded you that even with your schedule, getting busier this week, next week, it's already busy, it's coming soon, that you could simply adjust and feel more resourced, grounded, spacious, in control, capable, uplifted, stable, and whatever else it is that you desperately need to feel. Because the truth is, most of us try to push through, add more to our plate and attempt to balance all of our competing priorities when we are busy. And you know, it's because society tells us more is better. And we should be mastered jugglers of all the things right. That's what dominant culture tells us. And we try to do it even though we know better. But really my friend, a reminder for you, it's not about doing more self care or doing it perfectly. By the way. It is about deepening the support of the practices you're already doing through simple adjustments. That's number one. Number two is about basing your self care actions on how you're feeling your bandwidth and capacity. We've talked about that a little bit today, right? It's also about leaning on guidance, and community, so you don't have to figure it all out on your own. And you want to know what happens when you do all this, you will resource yourself throughout the fall, and decrease the amount of burnout you feel at the end of the year. And when it comes to that first bullet point of deepening the support of the practices you're already doing through simple adjustments. The key here is to learn uncomplicated shifts to what you're already doing that will help you honor false energy and how it affects you so that you could feel more regulated even amidst how busy you are. This is exactly what we'll talk about in the higher beta self care workshop. That's coming up in September for you, as part of the fall back to yourself series. This is a fall four part series I created specifically for yoga teachers, practitioners, and anyone wanting to begin a practice in mind. And in this Iveta self care workshop session, you'll learn shifts for your well being practices to allow falls energy to work for you. I'll talk about that in terms of which energy is feeling most dominant to you. So that they are the practices are more refined for your needs. And you'll also spend time creating a plan of action for a practice of your choice and have access to coaching with me in the group setting so that you can ask questions and gain clarity for implementing the steps you developed. So you won't just be here listening to me like you are now you'll actually be able to talk with me and figure things out. And I want to be very clear, this series is not about adding to your to full plate. It is about learning simple shifts to what you're already doing that will help you honor false energy and how it affects you. It's about creating flexibility in your self care with options based on your energy, bandwidth and capacity. It's about adjusting your yoga practices to align with the characteristics of fall and the energy you're feeling to move toward harmony and ease. And it's about understanding how to meet yourself when you have an excess of unsettled or angry or hot or unmotivated or lethargic energy through your self care practices. So my friend you can get all the information and save your spot at Steff gallante.com/fall. Registration is open and the first session is on Thursday, September 21. I know your schedule is already filling up. So be sure to enroll early and block the time off your calendar from now talk about that blank space right? As always, before we leave one another I'll offer you some wrap up considerations. How can you use these teachings or what comes up for you to mute human more easily? And to support and uplift those in your community especially those who are different or from you or hold identities more marginalized in your own? How can you use it to connect more authentically and deeply to your community to begin to move toward mass mutual reliance in a way from Western cultures individualistic society until next time, my friend please be kind and gentle to yourself just as you would those who are most precious to you whether that's a human animal, baby or plant. I love to hear your thoughts about anything I provided in this episode. So please feel free to reach out and share and if you've been loving the show please please please share it with your nearest and dearest and leave a review or rating. My friend you are a badass and you are enough now go be your favorite self and be well

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