Now, I made two urgent attempts to find someone who could understand and help. One Sunday morning I went back to mess which I had no longer been attending at the campus chapel. It was a clear cold day and the chapel was jammed with other young people dressed in their best clothes. The priest was a popular hardy young man who kept the social life of the parish churning. The whole ritual of fear appeared to me in my frame of mind as a highly managed charade. After listening to the his sermon, the possibility of ever communicating my acute concern to this man seemed remote. Perhaps I did Herman and justice, but I never went back. I next paid a visit to a philosophy professor, whom I had heard was a kind and understanding man. When I told him of my intense interest in discovering the nature of reality. He suggested I take a course in epistemology the following two, I left his office feeling utterly forsaken, thinking, I don't want another course. What I want is the thing itself. I began to despair of ever communicating this to anyone. About this time when in my room alone, I began to have occasional visions. These were not cute hallucinations, nor were they dreams. They were more like the visions one sometimes sees just before sweep or eidetic images, they were astoundingly clear. In one of them a scene scene appeared, as from an incalculable lobby remote in primitive time. I seem to be a member of a small family of cave dwellers, there was a darkness a gloomy darkness about our lives and surroundings. In our cave, we had found a place of security and protection from what I sense to be a hostile outside world. Gradually, however, we found within ourselves the courage as a family, to venture forth together to seek a brighter or open place. Now we found ourselves on a great open light plane, which stretched in all directions, and with the horizon seemed a beacon to us with untold possibilities. To my surprise and horror, that others in my family found this threatening and decided to return to life in the cave. I felt profoundly convinced that this represented a critical decision, a fork in the life of the family, and indeed of the whole human race. The challenge was, of the next important step upward. Or we could we could see this as happening within the individual. This this aspiration to venture forth, and then the turning back and we can probably many of us and identify in our lives, times when we've, we've played it safe when we've chosen the dank cave over something wider and more expensive. I knew now knew that. That's choice. I had to Make was whether to remain within the safe fold of the group, or to continue on, leaving most of mankind behind. If I went on Henceforth, I would go alone. After this, my sense of aloneness deepened still further. In another vision, I found myself standing in a familiar room were apparently I had already spent many years, the place had an abstract geometric quality squared of in flat two dimensional planes as in certain modern stage sets. I seem to spend a great deal of my time at a desk facing a wall, manipulating assorted colored blocks, without actually seeing them. I also knew that all around me in the same building, above and below and up and down long hallways, there were other persons in other in similar cubistic rooms, busy day and night with the same kind of abstract manipulations. Now this was happening in the 40s, this experience of floral toys and was written down in the 60s. But it certainly sounds pretty relevant to us today. Perhaps we would say rather than sorting colored blocks, clicking on assorted colored squares.