Hey there, it's been a little bit since we've been here in this space together. Whether you're here for the first time, or you've been in the podcast ether with me before, I'm so glad to be connecting with you here. And the shit that we need to talk about today, the first episode of the new year 2024 Is the fucking New Year's resolution, the bane of my existence this time of year. And I should, I guess I should clarify, it's not the resolution, that is the issue for me, per se. But rather, I bet you can guess it. It is dominant cultures complete and total fuckery around it. Today, we are talking about unplugging your New Year's resolution for once and for all. Now, I bet you for many of you, especially if you've been around my work, what I'm going to say today is not going to surprise you. At the same time. I feel as though I benefit from this conversation with myself every single year. And in case you listened to the podcast last January. You know, I talked about this topic a bit, but we're kind of talking about it in a different way today. So feel free to go back and listen to old episodes from last year at this time, I encourage you to because the information is still timely. But we're taking a little bit of a different spin on it this time around. See the thing is dominant culture has placed such a huge important importance on creating a news resolution, right. And it's fueled by perfectionism, hustle and grind commitment and discipline, discipline culture, I can't speak today, apparently. And the amount of air time that this topic gets the last couple of days of the year. And for the first two weeks of the new year. Like the messaging is incessant. For many of us who are in decolonize spaces who do liberation work, whether that's in the work that we do, or in the way that we live our lives, or possibly both. Many of us have adapted the resolution making practice to be more meaningful and true. And that might be through choosing a word, or even a goal that really is more heart centered, and less about commitment, drive achievement and achievement as in like, you know, true success. And let me I've got more to say about this. So just hang on here with me. I still though, even for those of us doing decolonizing work in our lives, or in our work, or both. Who are you know, liberation focused, I still think it's important to shine a light on this practice and interrogate the whys around it. And here's the why. For me that I think that we should still do this. In the last two weeks of like my life, anywhere I've been whether it is somewhere in person amongst friends or family, social media. You turn on the news, right? It's all anyone can talk about is New Year's resolution. What is your goal? What is your your word? Right? And in every single conversation, I'm not even kidding. I've noticed a shadow hanging around lurking around and what is in that shadow is the guilt, the anxiety, the judgment, the shaming, quite possibly other emotions to of not having chosen a word, or connected with a specific goal yet, or feeling like your goal, your word is not good enough in comparison to either the messaging of dominant culture or perhaps those with whom you're speaking. And there are so many reasons for why somebody in the last two weeks of December or even within the first week of January, why someone may not have chosen a word or created a goal yet. Here are some of the reasons I could come up with right but there are a bunch, you know, things might be murky for someone. Maybe they're feeling uninspired, maybe they just don't want to do it this year, but it's hard to like reconcile with that. And I have to say, no matter the reason, that shadow of guilt, anxiety, judgment, shame, whatever it is that is present for someone. This is proof that dominant cultures narrative, and incessant messaging around setting intentions by January 1, or during the first week of January is really doing its work. So, please don't feel badly. If you are having realizations right now. Like, fuck, that's me. Right? Like don't, because I'm always here to remind you, as I'm always doing the work within my life to like highlight where dominant culture still is deeply entrenched, that maybe we don't realize. And so I have a question for you. What if you didn't create a word, or a goal? Or an intention for this year? What if you didn't do it? I really wish I could see you right now. I'm wondering if this is feeling a very difficult uncomfortable question. Or maybe is it the exact question you needed to hear today? Now, I have to be very clear that I am not saying II, you know, any of this is unimportant. I am not questioning the validity or the value of it. I typically set some sort of intention or goal. And I usually have a word that I'm focusing on for the year. But with all of the pressure that we put on ourselves that we feel as we just exist in society, even as liberation focus people, I'm really curious about this. What if you didn't choose a word or a specific goal? What would happen? What maybe wouldn't happen? And here's the thing as I was thinking about this, right, something came to my mind, and it's, you know, the question of, would you just flit around or become a blob, not really accomplishing anything? If you did not set some sort of intention, goal or word for yourself? You're probably saying, Well, maybe you're saying no, maybe you're saying yes, I don't know. But don't think of it as I am. 100% certain that the answer is no. Even if you're like, yeah, there's no way I could move forward without a goal or intention. I disagree. I disagree. And here's the reason why. Because I know you, you are driven, you are ambitious, you care about your work, you care about the way that you show up in the world. So I 100% believe that even if you didn't set one that you would still accomplish and be an amazing person. And so, you know, really, maybe consider what if you didn't set something? What might you discover? Whether that's discovery about the practice itself, the process itself or yourself in the process? Practice? Maybe you'll discover that you 100% need it. Maybe you'll discover you need it, but you need it to be supported with more compassion and grace. Maybe you might find that you don't need it at all. Or maybe you just don't need it this year. I don't I don't know. Please no, I'm not sitting here saying we need to throw this out. I'm not and I want to be very clear like as I'm posing these questions I'm really freaking curious and I really started to you know inquire about this within myself. I'm not sure how much you know about my personal life. My My dad passed away unexpectedly in November and this is my first year going into a new year where I don't have a word I have zero goals set for myself. Besides being present, with what I am experiencing and being as gentle and compassionate with myself as I can be, you know, as I can be with my children with my partner and with the rest of my family and perhaps that is a goal right? Perhaps it is a goal but it's not really you know, for me somebody who was very achievement oriented and I'm when I say achieve I mean like doing doing doing right. You know, have traditional staff would not you know us say that this counts But here's the thing.
Here's the thing, right? Putting aside my personal situation. Think about this, based on the dumpster fire that has been life in this world in the last three years, whether it is based on what has been going on in your personal life, you know, your your bubble of life, whether it's in your greater community, or within, you know, your state, your country, right, your, you know, even larger, widespread community. But you know, things happening in different areas that have nothing to do with you, but still impact you. If the resolution the intention, the word, were simply to be present, or compassionate, or full of grace. Isn't that still significant? Is that enough? This is me asking you. Right, I wish that we could be in space together to have a conversation because i Man, I really wish that I could hear what you're thinking and saying. Now, I'm sure that you know, the stats of resolutions, I just did a quick, you know, search on Google or to get these results that I'm about to share with you. And the Googler says, researchers suggest that only 9% of Americans my apologies if you're listening outside of the United States, that only 9% of the Americans that make resolutions complete them. In fact, research goes on to show that 23% of people quit their resolution by the end of the first week. And 43 Quit by the end of January 3 43%. My apologies quit by the end of January. Now in my professional opinion, there's a whole host of reasons why this happens, including but not limited to the fact that one dominant culture puts way too much fucking pressure on us. So do the goal we created for ourselves was most likely unrealistic within the timeline we've set or within the situation of our lives, right, based on like the research sources that we have access to at that time, the capacity we might have. And the one of the main problems with resolutions is that it's a decision to change our behavior, often that is rooted whether we realize it or not, in a place of feeling not good enough. unworthy, less than pressure to be a certain way and feeling compelled to do something to make us better. And or to fill a void. You may have feelings about this, this may not be the first time you've heard me say it. And still you may have had feelings about it when I said it. And I encourage you to be with those feelings. Maybe sit with them, analyze them for a little bit. Because this is for real truth. Right resolutions are rooted in an expectation of yourself to do something in particular, usually in a very particular way. And this is formed by your ego. It's attached to 100% guilt, shame or obligation. And it's for that reason, right? Because like this all has a negative connotation for that reason it doesn't last and often. Right? If we're moving from a place of feeling less than when then we fell short of the mark saying for instance, like if we plan to do this thing three times a week, but this week, we only did it twice. Well, when we fall fall short of what we said we were going to do because like life frickin happens, circumstances change. But inevitably, they're oftentimes for many people are feelings of guilt and deep shame. And neither of these things power us forward. None of this is sustainable, right. None of this is is allowing us to be successful. Not in a sustainable way. Not in a way that is fulfilling. Like deeply. So let's say maybe you're listening really well stuff too bad. I already created my word. I already created my intention and my goal. No problem. Great. I still encourage you to be curious about All of this, you know, what is the real significance or driving force behind choosing a word or creating a goal in the new year? Even if it's a heart centered and like not sucked into dominant culture self improvement thing, right? Or maybe is it really think about it? Like, is it still tied to dominant culture self improvement? Seriously, consider is there any piece of this where your ego is at play? Is it to avoid feeling shame, guilt or less, then you've really got to get real with yourself here. Because you can guarantee that if there are ties to dominant culture, with the creation of your goal, your word, your intention, then dominant culture will absolutely play out in the way you uphold the word and goal, without a doubt. And then I have to talk about the pressure, the pressure that we put on ourselves that dominant culture puts on ourselves on us to, you know, make sure that this is set in stone by January 1 by the first week of January, or by the end of January. That's a really big problem for me. You know, we've really got to stop the shoulds the shame, the guilt, and I encourage you to, you know, examine how the narratives have played out in your timeline? Did you place a timeline on yourself? Why? And maybe consider, like, what would have happened if you didn't? Or what if what would have happened if you hadn't created your goal or your word by the first I bet, you know, exactly how you would have felt? You know, like, why, why must we this thing that we want to be focused on for 365 days, 52 weeks, straight? This thing that, you know, we are committed to? That really speaks to us? Why would we place pressure on ourselves about it? Does that defeat the purpose? I don't know. Again, I'm asking. And I'm curious, you know, what is your plan for embodying the word and the goal? Does your plan feel fluid? Or strict? Does it feel doable, like for real, or no? For me, choosing a word allows for there to be, you know, an overarching theme in my life. And typically, it connects to, you know, a part of my son capo, which is my heart centered intention. You know, it's also a greater, deeper meaning of like my purpose to be here in this life. And so, I definitely can get caught up in the shoulds, and have tos and shouldn't have when, when it comes to choosing as well as honoring the word or the goal. And that really sucks. I believe that, you know, when there's that pressure, when I'm getting caught up in the things I've done wrong, or the weight, you know, really focus on the things, the things I didn't do in the way I thought I should, I feel like that defeats the purpose of the enrichment, this whole thing was supposed to bring to my life. And so what I've started doing in the last couple of years, is kind of going through these prompts. And these are the prompts that I offer my clients as well. And you can do this at any time. Here's the thing, like when it comes to connecting to your hearts, deepest intention, your deepest desires. You can do this at any time, or you don't, it doesn't have to be the first of the year, and I understand the, you know, the connection to the new year I get it. Right, but just know that, and this is work I do with my clients is I encourage them to like come back to this monthly, quarterly, and reassess like, does this thing still hold value to me? Does it need to be adjusted? Right? So there needs to be flexibility because guess what, like, who you are, and how you are right now is going to change even in a few weeks time, possibly in six months time, maybe even three months time. But anyway, I encourage you to take some time, whether it's this week, next week, the whole of January even longer than that, right however long it takes to really become clear and connected. Instead of asking yourself, even if you've already set a word or a goal, I encourage you still to do this practice anyway.
Instead of just focusing on you know What you want to do or achieve or what you want to be this year, ask yourself, How do I want to feel? How do I want to experience life and then wonder why. And when you get clear on that those pieces, then I encourage you to do some light planning, what are small steps that will begin to make that happen, get you towards in the direction of that place of feeling that way, experiencing life that way. And when I say small, I mean small baIance, like, time, energy money, very small, teeny tiny. And I encourage you to consider your available time in current life, available resources, if needed, available energy and capacity in order to refine these steps that you've come up with. Because this is what will make it sustainable, honoring what is in your life and creating flexible flexibility around that is the key for sustainability. Because too often, people try to fit their life around their new focus rather than taking things slow. And starting small by inserting pieces of the focus, small steps, you know, pieces of the bigger picture into the available spaces in your life. Now, you might be wondering, you know, since these prompts I offered you stemmed from the question of how do I want to feel and experience life, you might be wondering, like, what's the process for achievement goals? Because the reality is you're going to set them and that's fine. Whether it has to do with work, resting or other facets, facets of your well being or your life, right? No problem. But guess what? Often these achievement goals are attached to the goals for how you want to feel, which is pretty freakin cool to me, in my mind. And the process is the same. Ask yourself, what do I want to achieve? Or do and why? You might ask yourself, How do I want to feel? How do I want to experience life like, you know, How is that connected? And then what are small steps that will begin to make that happen? Of course, in terms of time, energy, support, and possibly money. Now, I'm going to let you in on a secret that you're probably not surprised to hear, you might come up to a lot of resistance as you begin these inquiries, you may come up with a long list of doubts, worries, fears, clear impossibilities as you begin to consider. And that's to be expected and definitely not indicators of issues or shortcomings on your part. For sure not. So do me a favor and spend time just letting those challenges be there, write them down. And then maybe start to when you feel resourced and spacious. talk through how you'll deal with them. Because remember, you might you know, money might be a big challenge point for you. So that's why then when we're talking about small steps, it's like, okay, well, this is a big challenge. You know, if I'm doing things the way I ultimately want to, but what is something I can do right now, if money is a big factor? What can I do right now, where money, maybe isn't such a big factor? Or maybe what can you do in a different way, right. And here's the thing, if you're not sure how to deal with some of the challenges that come up, because that's to be expected to enlist support, talk to people who are similar to you doing decolonized work, liberation focused, and talk to them about it. You know, because support is always needed. And remember that you can always talk this out with me in real time in a one on one release the pressure call, we can hop on to zoom for up to 90 minutes to discuss these prompts. Talk about what it is you're experiencing, the challenges you foresee or the challenges you're experiencing. And figure out some small steps, refine the steps. So that way it meets you where you are and allows them to be a little bit more sustainable for you to get you in the direction you want to go without the shame without the guilt without the shoulds and judgment or at least with tools to help you work through that. Right. Because the ease you're looking for the clarity, the the satisfaction and just feeling like Oh, I'm taking care of myself in a way that feels really good. This is possible. Now my friend as always, before we leave what another? I'll offer you some wrap up considerations. How can you use these teachings or what comes up for you to human more easily How can you use what we've discussed, to connect more authentically and deeply to your community, perhaps to begin to move toward mass mutual reliance away from Western cultures, individualism, society, and also to support and uplift those in your community, especially those who are different from or hold identities that are more marginalized than your own. How can you do that? Until next time, my friend please be kind and gentle to yourself, just as you would to those who are most precious to you. Whether that's a human and animal baby or a plant. I'd love to hear your thoughts. I love to hear from you. Please reach out to me however it is that we are connected and if we are not yet connected via email or social media get connected with me I really, really do love hearing from you. And also if you've got some questions about topics you want to hear me talk about sometime this year. Drop them in with me any way you want. If you've been loving this show, please share it with your nearest and dearest and I would love it if you would leave a review or an or a rating. Now my friend remember you are a badass and you are enough. Go be your favorite self and be well
