1Jul21 Community Call

    8:58PM Jul 1, 2021

    Speakers:

    Jupiter Barnum

    Tim Kennedy

    Sue Barnum

    Mary

    Keren Flavell

    Laureline Simon

    Keywords:

    checkmate

    loops

    situation

    feel

    habit

    gordian knot

    longing

    strength

    grow

    exercise

    life

    aaron

    hear

    world

    people

    awesome

    minutes

    sue

    terms

    kiva

    Definitely using open see.

    Sorry, I just recorded the meeting. I forgot that it was gonna over. Over speak you What did you

    sound? Okay. I was just gonna say some open seas what we're using as well. Ah, you're using a theory for your smart. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, we'd love it less demanding ecologically demanding platform but they're coming. So just write that down just

    a lot of that says hi to by the way the type I can tell you about it later but yeah. Oh, okay,

    that's good to know. Okay, yeah,

    it's high that's meant to drive down the price of cryptocurrencies so that banks and big organizations can buy when it's low.

    Okay. All right. Well, that's good to know.

    All right. Hi, Tim. Welcome. So I'm going to kind of run this call today. So we're a small group. So why don't we do a quick chicken eye and see what you're coming in with and how you're doing. But let's just make it quick, because I want to get to a little bit of a presentation on a on a really sticky topic. And do some journaling and talking about it. Yeah, so let's check in How are you all doing and who wants to start? Somebody has to stand up.

    I'm happy to start. I'm feeling extremely buoyant. I did a key a tiny Kiva fundraising campaign and finished today, and I raised four and a half 1000 in one week. One, good. Yeah. So that's just the start. And that I basically did no promotion that just all happened through the Kiva network, and in one small post to a common group that I'm part of. So I'm feeling really positive and excited. Wow, give me a shot. Wow, that's awesome. Thank you, Karen. Who's next?

    I'll go in. I'm going to be I'm going to be listening. But I'm also going to be writing in the background on today's call Louise's running it. So that, you know, I won't be distracting, I'll put myself on mute. And I'll only chime in if asked or you know, at the end or something. But I'll sort of be here in support. Yeah, we're getting a significant amount of not pressure, but invitations to do module three. So I've had to go back and, and tweak a few things in the course to prepare for module three. And I just want to focus on that. The good news is that the actual content in the course will double very soon. But it's a lot of work to produce the seven videos and all the exercises and stuff so so the hard part is nearly done. And then we get on the front part, which is making the videos so I'm good. I'm just you know, a little bit worn to the bone, doing a lot of stuff, but it's all good. So I'm here.

    Thanks, Jess. You are awesome. Who's next? I can chime in. Um, yeah. Life is full and good. It's not 115 degrees in Portland anymore. Thank goodness. Yeah. That he is not well equipped for heat. So a lot of people without AC a lot of plants died and it was amazing to watch the trees suffer really dramatically. A lot of them were just completely scorched. Wow. They are coming from a place that can get that hot regularly. The climates really used to it. The trees and everything, the deep roots, so feel people and yet somehow felt like the lack of fever we've all had from being isolated from each other for the last year and a half. Portland just got its fever. And that is it feels cleared out and like a new step has been taken the way it would after a fever and yourself. Wow. lived with that. Wow. Thanks, Tim. All right, who's next? Um, I

    think Following last week's session, I feel a little spark of energy to focus more on work and clearing my space. And that hasn't started yet. But the spark is there in the intention to do that.

    Cool. Thanks, Mary. Arlene, you I last Oh, we can't hear you. Why can't we hear you? Still can't hear you. You're not you're not muted at this end up. Still can't hear you. There we go. Turn your volume up. We heard something. Good. Wait, we heard you briefly. Back in.

    Okay.

    All right. Well, Mary, I hope that your spark of energy will continue.

    Today's presentation. Oh, that's, that's quite a introduction.

    Yeah. Well, we're gonna talk about well, let's see. I'm just letting lurleen and again, and we'll see if she can real quick chicken. All right, let's see if we can hear you now. Nope. No, we, yes, we heard that. But it was very faint. Maybe it's your maybe it's this.

    Can you hear me now? Yes, yeah, that was it. But yeah, a bit of zoom fatigue. Like I'm spending my time on zoom and sitting in front of a computer and I can barely like at night, like my entire body. I used to be an outdoor person, I grew up moving in the hot end. And this one year and a half has been just too much sitting, not enough movement. So I'm just struggling to to keep the energy and the drive and everything without without feeling like I want to go out and then I'm fed up working all the time. But overall good. Join to an accelerator program in Europe, we've been selected for that. So we're going to get some support for developing some learning products and services on resilience with our own transit plenary approach. And so we're very done. The open was our strange approach that brings art science and science wisdom together. And he uses Yeah. So it's good.

    Wow, that must be inspiring. Yeah, awesome. Thank you, Laura. Lynn. Hey, Sue. We were just doing a real quick chicken. So if you could just give us a quick quick chicken so that we can hear your voice and then I'll dive into a little bit of a topic presentation.

    I I just raced home from the gym. I am here. Let's see it. Okay. with you.

    All right, awesome. We're pleased you're here. Alright, so today, we're gonna do one more sort of looking at a little bit of an implication of will and the struggles we can have in the will. This is our last, I think our last session about this. And then next week, we're going to, we're going to turn our attention to natural science. And Jeff is going to tell you more about that next week. But today, I want to talk about an experience that we can have in the will that is what I call the checkmate where you are you find yourself in outer circumstances of your life. And they can be you know, in any number of different coming from a number of different directions in your life. Where you experienced the checkmate where you're, it's like a catch 22 Have you you're familiar with that. Laura lean. Are you familiar with catch 22?

    So

    it's where the circumstances of your life they're really conspiring to put you in a situation that there's no way out And, you know, it might be only in one area of your life, or it might be everything in your life. You know, where there's just no escape, like being in front of zoom? You have to do it. There's no way out of it, even though, you know, it's painful and difficult. And I think the characteristic of the checkmate is that it's, it's quite brutal. Because, again, there's no way out, you have to do it. You can't. You can't go back, and you can't go forward. Hey, Aaron. Nice to see you. I so sorry to be coming in late. No worries, we just did chickens. And now we're going to, I'm just diving into a presentation, I'm going to try to make it as short as possible, because I want to get you guys journaling and talking. But we're talking about a particular experience that in the will, that I call the checkmate. I don't know if we've talked about this before, I don't think the checkmate now. Well, it's basically when you experience a catch 22, you can't go back, you can't go forward. The outer circumstances of life are forcing you into a situation that you just you don't know how to get out of. And it's brutal. And it's if you if you look up the definition of catch 22. It's the experience that the solution to the situation is the very thing you can't do. And so I'm just going to keep presenting this and talk about the kind of, I mean, there's no solution to the checkmate. There's just, you have to grow out of the checkmate. So I'm just gonna do a presentation. And if you're if you're still puzzling about well, I don't quite I can't quite relate. In my own experience to this, you might by the time we finished with the presentation, but let's just see, because I can certainly share stories from my own life and from other people's lives about what this could be like. So the problem with the checkmate is that there is no solution. You know, the checkmate is exactly what it is, right? It's like a Gordian knot, you know, the the mythology around the Gordian knot, you cannot untie the Gordian knot, with your current level of understanding and consciousness and capability, you have to grow out of it so that you can then pull on one end of the Gordian knot and the whole thing just under and does. But if you if you approach the Gordian knot of this checkmate, from the same level of consciousness that got you there in the first place, it's hopeless. So the another characteristic of the checkmate is, is you get there, because everything that you've had the skills, knowledge, capabilities, the coping mechanisms, the strategies, all of that has conspired to get you where you are. And those things will not get you out of it, they will not help you to grow beyond this particular checkmate situation. So it's really an interesting and I'm putting it in the realm of the will. Because ultimately, it's what we have done, and the decisions that we've made that have gotten us there. So there are three main ways in which we can find our way out of the Gordian knot. So I'm just going to go through those quickly. And then we're going to dive into a little bit of conversation to see where you guys are at with this concept and then we can turn to some exercises. So, the way that I think about the checkmate and the way that I work with people around

    the difficulty of being in a checkmate situation is that you have to look at the habit loops of how it is that you got here in the first place. So and one particular aspect of the habit that you can you can study is needs versus strategies. So what are the needs that you have? And what are the strategies that you have been employing to try and get those needs met? Typically, what we'll find is that when we're in a checkmate situation, we got there because we believe we only have a limited range of possibilities. And those that limited range of possibilities were not allowed to employ. So the habit loop is a really helpful tool here. And I'm going to talk more about that in a minute. The second the second thing to think about, if you're ever if you ever find yourself in a checkmate situation is just to ask yourself, Well, what does strength mean to you? So the, the reason why the checkmate, there's no solution out of the checkmate is because you have to grow out of the checkmate, and specifically, you have to grow stronger. And there's two ways to understand strength. One way is with strength is actually quite brittle. Strength could be okay, I am going to find a different coping mechanism to get myself out of this checkmate. But obviously, coping mechanisms can masquerade as strength, but they aren't really true strength, what the kind of strength we're after is resilience, resilience, strength. And we can build that strength. By looking back at number one, which is the habit loops, we start to face how we got into this situation in the first place. So building the strength to not only face the habit loops that got us here. But the strength to stay the course. And not give up not go back not not resort to quick answers that don't resolve a situation, but a strength to help us grow out an up of the situation. which ties into the third aspect, which is where have you possibly limited your ability to expand? Where? Where do you not allow yourself to expand into spaces of more joy? Or more fulfillment? Specifically, in terms of fulfillment? What have you diminished in importance and relevance in your life? Because you believe you can't be that? Have that? Or do that? So those are the three things the habit loop? What does How do you experience your own strength? Growing strength is painful, there's just no you know, like, right now, my muscles are super sore. Because we've been working out as a family, and my young youngest daughter, she really should be a personal trainer cuz she just kicks our butts. And I'm so sore. There's no way to strengthen your will in the right way without it being painful. And that's the purpose of the checkmate it forces you through the eye of the needle to grow in strength, but the right kind of strength, okay, that's the second one. And the third one. Where do you limit where do you limit permission to expand to expand your soul into joy? into enthusiasm and, and growth? Because you believe that you can't have you can't be you can't do? Like, okay, let me just tell you a quick story there. For years, I've had this horse for years, but I couldn't quite give myself permission to really lean into horse world, because I believed that I didn't have the time and I it, it served no purpose in my life. And it wasn't until nine years later, I finally really leaned into it that I found why horses are in my life and and how incredibly important they are, to me, and what I'm learning and relevant and perfect.

    Okay, so I'm just going to pause there and see what's coming up in you is this making sense? Is this feeling very abstract? Can you light in your own life to an experience of the checkmate, so let's just hear from you real quick, and then we'll dive into some exercises. Sue?

    Well, you hit my nail on the head, like Harry Met. Um, I'm in a situation with my rice girlfriends where we, our house is canceled our gathering because I was not invited, because I hadn't been vaccinated. And a couple of people have suggested that I can solve this easily by getting vaccinated. But given my connective tissue disorder, both three doctors have said no. And, and I'm really clear. I knew that was going to be the answer before I asked. But I did ask. Um, and so I feel I feel totally trapped. And yet, this, this feels helpful, because there's a reason for it. I haven't had the time to examine, when habit loop of mine got me here in the first place. That that will be fascinating. And I will be doing that as soon as we hang up. But, um, I can certainly see that I've limited my status of joy and fulfillment, based on childhood stuff. I just came from the gym where I've been working out, I'm sore, I'm getting my strength back. And I'm thinking, the whole time I'm doing it, I'm thinking about my will. Because my will is what needs strengthening. And that that metaphor works for me. to, to to strengthen that muscle of my will, although I'm not sure quite how to focus, focus. Until I look at the habit. Whoops. Thank you. It's, this gives me a I have a car with all of them tonight. And it's gonna be a little tense. Well, you know, I, I can't, I can't change. I can't change to please. to please them. And most people were not asking me to there are people that are? Yeah, they're being very vocal about it. So. Awesome. All the best for your call tonight. Thank you, yeah. reassured that.

    Yeah. Thank you, Sue. Any other thoughts coming up? confusions questions.

    Aaron. Yeah. Nice to see some of you I haven't seen in a while and some new faces too.

    But this is this is a really relevant one for me right now, because I've been in a checkmate for a number of years now around kind of where I live, and my home. And I've been realizing recently that I have backed myself into a corner where I was feeling like sort of the constraints that were being put on where I live and what my home is, I was feeling like they were coming from someone other than myself. And I realized that actually, I, I had a lot of rules and structures that were limiting the ways that I could, you know, move out of my feeling of being in a checkmate of being stuck. And and this question that you ask of, like, Where have I not allowed myself to expand into, you know, the spaces that are right for me, and in this case, it being perhaps a literal space, then and but then the ways that I have diminished some things that I know, inside of me that I think would give me soothing or comfort, but that I think that they're like, they're not appropriate? Or they're different from my family values or things like that. And so I, I, you know, I feel the flavor of them, but I'm like, No, I need to have a judgement about that. And I can't, I can't make that choice. And I've been trying to sort of let go of some of that, some of that rigidity. And, and so that feels very relevant. And the idea of just having this term, you know, the checkmate to sort of describe that stuck situation, but then the ability to grow through it, and allow other stuff to comment seems right relevant. Mm hmm. Awesome. Thanks, Aaron. Any other thoughts?

    That, for me, is relevant to something in the past, I was just thinking a few hours ago of my distrust for institutions, this pattern in my life of the stress of institutions. And I'm thinking back at my early experiences in school, which weren't good, and that feeling of as a child as a six year old of having to go to school, and no, I mean, there's no way getting out of that at that time. But it's interesting looking back at that in this lens, right. That's an interesting kind of powerlessness, isn't it? Well, it led me to choose to start a Waldorf school for my children. So

    there was a right.

    Positive. Right. Working with it. Cool. Thank you, Mary. Laura Lee, next saw you.

    Yeah. When I was reflecting on as in which kind of because with Aaron said is that how sometimes we put ourselves in those checkmate situations, like we and again, have reinforce it. Like we make it harder and harder to come out of it. And we do it on our own. And it's not really clear why we're ever doing it. Like it starts to feel like we're stuck. And it would make us somehow more stuck in a situation. And it's something I've done in my life. Like I I made it worse and worse and worse for me to get out of it to a point where I felt like so stuck. It was unreasonable. And and it's only when I got to that point, again, have been felt so awful and impossible to stay in. It actually got the possibility to Yeah, like the inspirational or whatever you need to get out of it. Like I had to get out of it. Yeah, it's interesting. you saying that? Maybe? Yeah, sometimes you need to go like to the deep end of it, before you can actually break out of it. Unless it's really bad. Maybe it doesn't serve its purpose. So I don't Yeah, that's what I was thinking about. Yeah. And to me, like the person who usually gets me out of it is my mother. Strangely. I was just like, What the hell are you talking? Like, why do you do that? And I think it's the only person who can just say that and I'm like, that's true. But that's, that's a funny, that's a funny thing that some maybe some people have this ability, like to drag you out of the situations when you feel you're talking to yourself, like there is no way out. And some people can just see when we're hitting like, true.

    Yeah, yeah. Jeff's that person for me. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Arlene, I'd like to follow on from Lorraine. Because I can totally relate to the sometimes you've got to go all the way until it's completely not functional. And my story there was that two and a half years ago, I'd gotten to the end of a five year venture, which was a simple technology tool. And I had very early success with that it was really being picked up by a lot of government. And we're sort of up and away, you know, and it felt really, really great. But it gradually wasn't working because government wasn't doing repeat. So we've done a whole lot of front end sales to get the sale and then they use it once. You know, it just wasn't we didn't create a sustainable model. And, and it just got to the point where I'd hired a developer to do a revision of it and he basically took that 25 or 30,000, whatever is paid and, and lift so there was that was like the universe finally guy gets enough's enough. Yeah, this is not right for you. So it was it was that it was an expensive little message. I wish I hadn't had my mother's saying it too. But even if she hadn't said I wouldn't have I wouldn't have agreed with her because they're always negative about what I'm doing. So typically, so so I guess in that, you know, context, I'm you know, I'm extremely really careful about not repeating the same thing, and also not carrying the bag. I mean, you know, the baggage of a failed startup, you know, can weigh heavy on you. But, you know, I think, knowing the strength of going above it, I mean, the positive side was that I then finished it when, you know, I really want to do this thing with villages. And, and so that's cassava. So a good thing has come out of it. But in terms of, if I'm in a similar stuck situation, I'm sure those things are going to arise. I know I need to evolve. And that's what, you know, the next series of videos is going to help do right. Number three, so yeah, you know, knowing how to sort of recognize it's a really tough situation and then rise above it. Because what I did there was just avoid it was just pack it up and say, enough's enough. And really, I mean, I had got, I really tried my hardest with it five years, flog, you know, really spoke a lot of conferences, I was, you know, going to Europe spoke at the European Council and in Austria, and I'm, you know, I really gave it my best shot. And I just could not get it across the line, you know, any further, I just couldn't get it out of it being very subsistence and, and I don't want that again. So that that Gordian knot is a really wonderful symbol for that.

    Thank you, Karen. Then Tim, did you want to? Did you have some thoughts to share?

    Sure, I can try and be brief. I spoke about my checkmate most recent one. My mother in law last time, her passing without me being able to be there. And finding that strength to be supportive in that way you though, yeah, navigating those that not that I explained before. And it has released that strength to resist and hold space, has released a bunch of things that have now got family, my partner or even invited to the memorial. That's been a big growth on all sides. And we'll see how we navigate our being together. Awesome. So there's been some push some breakthrough. Yeah. Awesome. I'm

    so glad to hear that. Awesome. All right. So I wanted to see if we could do a little bit of an exercise, because I think you will relate very easily to this. But maybe it's worth just spending a few moments. Because how often do we spend a few moments journaling and getting present with ourselves and, and current reality. But we can make some space for that right here right now. Where might you here's a journaling question, Where might you be experiencing a bit of a checkmate in your life right now. A place where you can identify that you need to grow out of a situation, it could be an external situation, or it could be an internal place,

    but you're struggling to. So see if you can identify that. I'll put it in the chat.

    And we're going to be and three minutes. Okay. Start now. It's in the chat. If you need help or clarification 20 more seconds just finished your sentences. All right.

    So now we're going to add another layer. Did you all have no trouble coming up with a checkmate? no troubles. Okay. So let's add another layer. So what I'd like you to do now is spend another three minutes just sitting with and thinking about AI and identify some habit loops that might be keeping you stuck there. See if you can do an initial run through of some places where you've got some habits, and you can think about it if it's helpful in terms of as a tactic or technique. Think about what are your needs, specifically unmet needs about this issue? And what are the strategies that you've been employing up until now to try and get those needs met. So that's a technique you can use to try and find your way into the habit loop. Okay, I'm going to another three minutes and we're going to start now

    All right, I forgot to give you a 22nd warning. Sorry about that. But I would like to turn you now to the third and final step in this process, which is when you look at those habit loops, and maybe possibly beliefs that are driving these habit loops, see if you can identify some places of longing for expansion. Where might you be longing for expansion that you have up until now? denied yourself and your reasons for denying yourself that expansion could be because you believe you can't have it. That you can't do it or that you can't be it. Okay, is that clear? So another three minutes. And there's one more point of clarification. I don't want you to be focused on what you can't. I want you to focus on what you longed for an end and what that expansion is, what is that thing you'd be doing or being or having that you haven't yet allowed yourself or given yourself permission for so we're really focused on

    being born world within you not?

    Not the thing that you're that you are denying yourself. I hope that makes sense. All right. It's seconds. Finish your sentence. Cool. Okay, so we got about 10 minutes, let's hear from you guys share what you learned what you were surprised by how you feel after that exercise.

    And surprising to me is how obvious the habit loops are if you even take the three minutes to write about them. And it's like, oh, oh, well, that didn't take

    much. Right. And then, you know, that gives you something to work with. Right. Cool. Thanks, Aaron. mazing, huh. Three minutes. That's all we ask. Yeah. Anyone else?

    I think it was really useful that by sort of bringing into the same thought processes, the longing of what we actually want, and then relating it to the habit loops, getting them in the way of that it's easier to draw a stronger correlation between them. So I thought that that was that was really a great process. Mm hmm. Yeah. And the needs are also the longing, the needs. And the, the habit loops are directly responding to well, are the antithesis of what our needs are, but the needs are kind of different to the longing. So to see them compartmentalize, I think was helpful. Oh, that's interrelationship between them. Yeah. So the needs and the longing are different. Yeah, because the needs are kind of like, like, that's the core, you know, the needs, they're more sort of the feeling of security, the independence, the need for respect, you know, their needs, but the longing is, well, that's the picture that will happen, when my needs are met. And when the habit loops inhibiting from the longing to be achieved. Right. So just getting your needs met, is not enough. Or recognizing the unmet need isn't enough. It's like you have to have a imagination for something greater than just the meeting need, that I felt that I felt that I didn't know what others did. That's an interesting, connect, for example, for example, I wouldn't say that, you know, I need to be, you know, having creature comforts and an ease. And, you know, but that's a longing to have that. The longing is meeting a need, but the longing kind of gave the chance to paint a picture. I felt more about the world that I want to be. Yeah, I like that. You're differentiating between these two. That's, that's always good. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you, Karen. Soon.

    I am not sure mine are, are separate. But that's something to think about. Karen. It was pretty quick. I mean, like Aaron said it you know, it took me all this time to come to this. I need to grow print pass the shame of being left out, which is the childhood pendant loop. And when we got down to what I was longing for, I said acceptance as I of who I am, as I am But I'm not giving that to myself. And I have to give it to myself before I can ask it of others. And so that was that was really illuminating. And I think I can grow my will in that direction.

    Yeah. nicely put together. Yeah. Yep.

    And that, what brings up what comes up for me there is a conversation I was having yesterday with someone on a CT coaching call about the after effects of trauma, which is shame, and trust issues, if you if you just sort of put them into too simplistic buckets. And in terms of, of trust, you can't trust the world if you don't trust yourself. And this is one of the ways in which we lose a sense of trust, because our caregivers violated that. But the healing of it is that we trust ourselves, regardless of what the world throws at us that we trust, our ability to handle it. Because the world is not a safe place. And it's what we learn from a very young age. And the shame, at the same time that that has an effect upon the shame that we experienced, because what children do, they blame themselves, what happens to them, the angelic beings that they are. So it's a pretty interesting. That's the kind of correlation that I was making. That's what came up for me Sue, when you shared that. Yeah, I see that I see that same process playing out in terms of healing from childhood experiences. Yeah. Awesome. Anyone else have something to share from from the generally exercise?

    What I found interesting is how we, how we always come up with those great excuses to stay in this kind of checkmate situation. And how we somehow like it. Like, there is a part of us that likes it, like there is some safe in being stuck. Yes. And and we Yeah, we can always find amazing reasons why we're actually there. And some, of course, are not our fault. So like, we're a bit victims. And on the other hand, we're happy Actually, I mean, there's some good things. Yeah. So how we can have this like, way we can talk to ourselves in our heads to remain situation where we know something could be different, or could be more expensive, or that there is work to do. But we don't want to do the work because it actually takes lots of courage to come out of this known situation. Yeah. And yeah, to expose oneself to the world, to the world again, and, and really be out there taking the risks again, you know, to feel things to become something different. Yeah, to become bigger than we were before, especially when we've grown up in contexts where, you know, being yourself for standing for your needs, and showing up fully is has been dangerous.

    Yeah, yes. Yep. Good point.

    Yeah.

    I think that's where the strength training comes in. We have to remain there. And it has to get painful enough, before we finally develop the strength to, to stretch and grow out of it. What are your thoughts about that? laureline?

    I guess. I mean, to me, it feels more like the more you get used to pushing yourself out of it, the easier it gets. And you see you don't need to go to that. And anymore. That's how I feel today. Like I can see more like, I can tell myself like do you really want to go you know, that flow before you're going to push yourself? Or you're already seeing that you're kind of getting comfortable in that uncomfortable situation. And that's fine that maybe you need to push yourself out of it. Now it's less effort than issue just go that flow in a way I mean, it will be it's a different type of effort. It's like a conscious decision to grow out of something. Because you want you know, to grow and it's no longer escaping from something that's unbearable. Yeah. And I think over time, this trends will come from being able to do it again. pre emptive Yeah, to do it earlier. And the other is trends, it's no longer fleeing from something. It's just seeing situations and maybe, maybe a different avoid that shouldn't be afraid this time I've done it in the past, I can do it again. Let's do it now. So that it's done, because you need to do it at some point. So just do it now. And it's a different type of transfer of courage. But I like working on that one now.

    Yeah. Yeah. So you're familiar enough with the tip, you know, the pattern of it, and the and you can recognize it when it's starting to happen. And and then the practice becomes, and the strength training comes in, stepping out of that before it gets too bad.

    Yeah.

    And I guess I also i'm also more confident about my own strengths. Ah, yeah. Yeah. And so let's keep on doing it. So yeah. And so that had those kind of positive experience. I mean, they were not positive at the time. But now I see that you really come out of it inducing, some people never come out of the seats. Yes. I did the effort. And so now I'm like, I can rely on those. On the situation that I can see a successes Now, like I can feel somehow proud of still having made the effort even though it didn't look good at the time, even though it was a mess. And even though it was so low, I still, you know, made it out. And I'm continuing to make it and to come out of the situation. So but it gets easier. Yeah.

    Awesome. The practice of it. You got to keep showing up at the gym. Exercise those soul muscles. Awesome.

    I love that.

    Thank you, Laura, Leanne, Mary, and Tim, did you guys have something to share here before we are just right on top of the hour, maybe a few more minutes. Just to hear from you guys.

    I think for me, what came out was the longing for creativity and living with living with an exploring questions and not feeling like I need to have answers in order to be part of organizations are. Are that sense of belonging or respect what Karen was talking about? It always seems like to be respected or feel competent, you have to have answers. And I really want to live in the questions rather than in that answer, or space.

    Right, you want to be respected without having to have all the answers. And you want to be is that more about you? And how you think others see you? Or is that? Is that? Is there something else there?

    Um, no,

    I think in the organizational development world, everyone has their three or five answers. Right. And so it always seems like now to be in that space.

    You got to have those answers. I see what you're saying. Yeah, yep. Yes. Awesome. Thank you, Mary. And Tim.

    Yeah, I guess I hadn't made the connection with this particular habit loop. That is my belief that I can benefit as scenario gain. So that last part, again, you have benefit. The scenario by engaging rather than allowing stem from the habit loop of, of needing to feel well, when I got to was this practice of exhausting myself for the benefit of others, that I have an excuse not to do the work on myself that I should be doing with that same resources. Huh, is that a kind of avoidance? How would you? Yeah, I guess in the end it's Yeah, I guess, I guess it is an avoidance at at root of, if, if I'm insert you know, it's probably an old Christian baggage thing of, you know, serve yourself through serving the world. But also, then masquerading you know, that I'm not serving the world by not taking my taking myself to the next level, from which I could serve the world more truly.

    What What an interesting and subtle habit, habit loop. Loop sounds a bit like a Gordian knot. You want to serve the world because your heart is big, huge. And somehow, yeah. Yeah. Fascinating. Thank you, Tim. Awesome. Well, we are beyond the top of the hour. Thank you so much, you guys for showing up and and sharing your fascinating experiences with the stalemate. I mean, the checkmate. It's not really a stalemate to checkmate. For about this. Yeah.

    All right. helpful. Yeah.

    So next week, we've got new stuff coming. We'll see you. We'll see you then hopefully, and all the best.

    Thank you.

    Thank you. Bye bye.