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042_-_The_4_Massive_Mistakes_Everyone_Makes_When_Trying_to_Love_Their_Body

Vinny Welsby1h

Speaker 1

00:00

You're listening to Episode 42 of the fit fatty podcast. I am your host, Victoria Welsby. And in today's episode, we're talking about the four massive mistakes everyone makes when trying to love their body. Let's do it.

Speaker 1

00:29

I'm Victoria Welsby TEDx speaker, Best Selling Author and fat activist. I have transformed my life from hating my body with desperately low self esteem to being a courageous and confident first fatty who loves every inch of this jelly. society teaches us living in a fat body is bad. But what if we spent less time, money and energy on the pursuit of thinness and instead focused on the things that actually matter like if pineapple on pizza should be outlawed? Or if the mullet was the greatest haircut of the 20th century? So how do you stop a negative beliefs about your fat body controlling your life? It's the first fatty podcast Let's begin.

Speaker 1

01:29

Hello, my fatty and welcome to this episode number 42. So excited to be here with you today in your ear Bandholz talking to you. Thanks for tuning in. Really appreciate it. How you doing? How was life? I tell you what I am. So cross today oh my gosh, I'm so cross and I'll tell you why. I, I live in Ireland, right. So Ireland is right next door to the UK, Northern Ireland as part of the UK. Anyway, we get a lot of British television here because we're basically in the UK. Anyway, so we get a lot of British television and fucking hell it's just gets it's a it's kind of my tits. It's gonna animate it's if you're in the UK, you'll know what I'm talking about. But if you're not, here's what's going on is that Boris Johnson, the Prime Minister has decided that we need to everyone's too fat because of the pandemic and everyone needs to lose weight. And falsely false reports coming out saying that if you're fat, then you're going to, you know more likely to die from COVID. And, and anyway. And so a lot of the news reporting is on the quote unquote, obesity problem. And the things that this they're going to do is that they are the UK Government, the British government are going to prescribe bikes to fat people. Because fat people need to lose weight, and by prescribing a bike to them, they will magically lose weight. No science behind that at all. Hey, I'm a fat person, I have two bikes. Does me having two bites me Now should I should be like, twice as thin as I am right now. I have a beautiful road bike and also a beautiful cruiser with a basket in the front which I take Dougie around rides. I'm a biker. I'm still fat. So you know, that's problematic to assume that fat people are fat because they don't exercise. And that exercise makes people thin it doesn't. Also restaurant chains are going to label calories on food and alcohol, which is so problematic. I hate this being in the UK. So while I live in Ireland, so if you don't know, Ireland is divided. So the south of Ireland, which is not really the South, it's just not the top corner. But the rest of Ireland is known as the South. And then the Republic and then the north of Ireland is a part of the UK is a long history. And you know, there's lots of there's things called the troubles and you know, fights about it. But anyway, the north part of Northern Northern Ireland, it's like the north northeast kind of section of it. About 25% of Ireland is under the UK Government. It's seen as the UK and so Southern Ireland, the Republic is seen as a different country. Anyway, and so, being I live on the border, and so I go in between the two and so I go We're in between Ireland and I go in between the UK, the Irish version of the UK. And so I see these British initiatives coming across, because it's a part of, of the UK and seeing. So I normally live in Canada, in Vancouver, and coming here and seeing the amount of calories displayed everywhere is so problematic. It's so triggering. It's helping people have eating disorders and disordered eating around food, it's moralizing food, it's shaming people, it's not helpful in any way. If someone needs to know the calories of food, then make that be something that's niche. And so they request it right or they Google it, not that it's plastic everywhere, and so on alcohol, and so it'll be like, here's a, you know, here's your a glass of wine, it's X amount of calories. And so you can't even have like a glass of wine and enjoy yourself without being shamed that you're drinking X amount of calories. And so yeah, what else they're doing is ban adverts for food that the UK Government has classed as junk. And they you keep using this word junk. I hate it. It's so classist. And so, like treating food like it's, you know, cigarettes or something or some sort of illicit substance or these out these adverts are not allowed to be shown until 11pm. It's just what does that teaching us?

Speaker 1

06:32

Next, also, there's also talk to ban certain food and drink outright. I mean, come on, this is just horrifying. I hate being in the UK because of that, because it the anti fat hate in the UK is so aggressive. And it's based in so much pseudoscience. And it's so harmful. Now I don't watch. I don't watch TV. I watch like Netflix and things like that I watch things that I know that I control, not control. But I know that the narrative is not going to be damaging towards my mental health. But you know, TVs are on around me. And I will hear from time to time like, oh, you know, the O word being used and in news reports, and I'm just, Oh, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. And I am someone who this is my job, right? Talking about fat stuff. And I love it. And helping fat people live without shame and stigma. And I have spent years dismantling my own internalized fat phobia. And if it affects me in this way, what is it doing to those who are new on this journey? How are those who are still kind of struggling with whether it is okay to be fat feeling right now? They're probably feeling like hell no, it's not okay to be fat, the whole the UK Government and all the media is saying how awful it is to be fat and how we need to stop it because fat people are such a quote unquote burden to the NHS, which it's not true. It's not based in good science and good information. Just because someone has a fat body and they go into, you know, accident emergency or er, if you're in the States. They all say you know, oh look fat person. You know, quote unquote, obesity related problem. And it's it's maddening. I am so mad about it. So right now I am experiencing weight stigma. I feel tense in my body. And when I was Googling wish it because I've been trying to ignore it. This is came a day or two a day, two days ago. But I keep seeing, you know, people being like, oh my god, this is awful. Because I don't want to know what they're saying and all that sort of stuff. But I wanted to talk about it. So I had to google it and just Googling it. I noticed I googled it and I had to I just Googled bike and Boris Johnson hoping that that would be enough to bring up the information. But Boris Johnson is known to ride a bike. Anyway, and so then I had to type into Google the O word. And I noticed that my shoulders were up near my ears and my, my jaw, my teeth were clenched, and everything like just so you know, stress just having to be exposed to that bullshit. And so my mental health is being impacted by this shit. And I suspect in turn my physical health because my stress hormones are being elevated. And what type of impact is that having on my, you know, my physical health? Obviously, you know, it's hard to know, but I know definitely my mental health has been affected. So I want you to read out a couple of things. Just to update you on the whole or COVID thing? And, you know, is it true that fat people are at a higher risk? Is it true that if you suddenly become thin that you won't, you'll be less likely to get COVID. And if you do get COVID, you're less likely to die in, you're less likely to be in intensive care. Like, is that true? So, let me read a couple of things out, there's two people that I go to for, you know, analysis of the data. I'm not big into looking at studies and picking them apart and saying, Okay, this is why this is a problematic study, or this is what's missing from this study. That's not my thing. Like, I'm not an analytical type person, like literally, that is my lowest on my, on my, you know, my personality types, like anything to do with that type of stuff. No, that's not me anyway, but a couple of people always go to three people and always go to is dosta. Dr. Joshua wall rich. He is a surgeon within within the NHS, Christy Harrison, I was actually just yesterday, Christy Harrison released a podcast episode and who was the guest, it was me, Christy Harrison, the author of anti diet, greater advocate, and also Reagan Chasteen. I don't have anything that Reagan's written yet on COVID. But they're my kind of

Speaker 1

11:24

the ones that like looking at the data, so I go to them and see what they say about the data. Anyway, okay. So Dr. Joshua, Joshua Woolridge, has said on his, his post on Instagram had has a picture of someone like giving the middle finger and saying like, if you think it's okay to stigmatize fat people, something like that, anyway. And so, he says, let me make a few points. Number one, weight stigma has a ridiculous impact on data interpretation, bias. Let me read that again. Number one, weight stigma has a ridiculous impact on data interpretation bias. Number two, the current emerging data is not controlled for type of job, race, socio economic status, quality of care, amongst other things, all of which can affect risk of those with a higher BMI contracting COVID. Don't believe me? Just have a look at the impact that socio economics is having on the hospital a hospital? hospitalization? Oh, my God. Hospital live session. Right in Louisiana. Oh, that's a hard. Number three. The latest report from the I C n a RC of all patients in ICU in the UK has shown that there is in capitals zero impact on mortality rates from BMI. It's not being talked about because it doesn't fit the rhetoric does it? It's much easier to ignore cowards. By the way. Dr. Joshua is a straight size man, white man. Number four, BMI is a terrible measure of health at an individual level. And we know that health associated behaviors have been shown to be a much better predictor. Number five, even if, when all the data finally gets analyzed in the future, people have a higher weight had a statistically significant higher chance of contracting COVID slash higher mortality rate brackets when analyzing for all the appropriate confounding factors, it still doesn't change the fact that our weight is incredibly multifactorial. Intentional weight manipulation is shockingly sustainable. And capitals. Nothing justifies stigma and discrimination capitals nothing. So that's what Dr. Joshua Woolridge has to say. And Christy Harrison posted this yesterday, and talks about using our critical thinking skills when it comes to the information we're receiving about the story that fat people are going to spontaneously combust because they're fat, especially if they get COVID. Okay, so Christie says, just a reminder that the basic issues with the reserve research on COVID-19 and weight I outlined in my wired piece a few months ago, still generally hold true. So Christie wrote an incredible wired piece about how

Speaker 1

14:39

there is no, there is no evidence to suggest that fat people are at a higher risk for contracting or you know, higher mortality rate or anything like that. Now, the reason why she said still generally hold true is because she hasn't gone through every single tiny piece of data that's come out you At. So that's why she's not saying 100% true because, you know, she haven't seen every she hasn't gone through every single piece of data that's coming out every single day. But up until this this point here, she has gone into the data and nothing new has come out. Okay, so number one, most studies on COVID-19 and wait don't control for potential confound confounders like race and socio socio economic status, which we know create disparities in health outcomes for this virus and many other conditions, as Sabrina strings shared in her may 25, New York Times op ed, when it comes to this virus, when it comes to how this virus is disproportionately, affecting black communities, quote, researchers have yet to clarify how a seven percentage point disparity in quote unquote, obesity prevalence translates to a 240% to 700% disparity in fatalities. And Quote number two, in general studies looking at the supposed connection between higher weight and worse COVID-19 outcomes don't control for the ways in which clinicians preconceptions and biases about body size can influence the quality of care that higher weight patients with the virus receive, which in turn influences their health outcomes. That was true during the h1 and one flu pandemic two. But years later, when researchers conducted a meta analysis that did control for quality of care, any excess risk for larger bodied people disappeared. And she says See, see her wired piece for this citation. I haven't seen a single COVID-19 study, or really any other type of study that controls for the physical health effects of weight stigma, which is a well known independent risk factor. For many of the conditions that typically get blamed on weight. Weight stigma would be hard to accurately control for anyway, because as fat activist and health coach Reagan Chasteen says, You cannot study fat people in this culture without also studying the history of dieting without also studying a history of stigma. So how can researchers ever definitely say it's the weight itself? That's the problem. So if you find yourself reading yet another article touting some new study, as opposed evidence that the only way for larger bodied people to protect protect themselves from COVID-19 is to lose weight, remember the above principles and think critically? Okay, so we can't these studies, basically, in a nutshell, what's what Josh and Josh and Christy are saying is these studies, they're like looking at the information, and they are not controlling for other factors, that could mean that certain groups have worse outcomes. And so we don't know what it is, that is making a worse outcome. And, and so people were saying, Oh, they have a fat body post, because they're fat, obviously, because they're fat. It's not because they are experiencing weight stigma. It's not because they've experienced medical bias throughout their life. It's not because blah, blah, blah. And so we haven't got good data, we haven't got good data. So we haven't got data that says, Okay, we stripped back every thing we stripped back, you know, race, socio economic status, the control for for stigma, we stripped it all back, and we can see that fat people do have a higher risk, we don't have data to say that it just simply doesn't exist. And so, you know, when a whole country and a whole government is like, oh, fat people, you got to lose weight.

Speaker 1

19:17

It's it's not good advice, is it? They should be looking at things like you know, why are why are people of color and black people and, and people with a lower socio economic status, more likely to die from COVID and then fix that. It's racism and classism and poverty and all that type of stuff. versus you know, saying, hey, fat people, you need to lose weight. And as well, when you're losing weight, your body is in crisis you your body is and you're starving, you're starving. And so, if your body is in crisis, and it's starving, are you able to feed write off things as effectively if you could, if you were not, if you were eating food, and looking after your body, no, like the act of the act of going on a diet and starving your body is harmful to you, physically and mentally. You know, in other episodes, we've established that so. So this whole thing, I'm gonna take a break, let's take a deep breath. Let's just Let's check this off. Goodbye, British bigotry, you have no place here, you are not welcome. You're not based in science. And we're not going to internalize the shame and stigma because it is not ours to internalize. And really seriously, what is really infuriating is it doesn't matter how mad I am or how many fat activists or other people say this is wrong. This is not changing in the UK anytime soon. So you need to protect yourself, okay, you need to protect your mental health. It is so precious. You need to turn off the BBC. Even if you think oh, the BBC is liberal. The BBC is not liberal, but the BBC is centrist. And so they the BBC are gonna have some views, which are more right wing that they have to bring in. They're not going to critically look at this information coming from the government and say, Hmm, is this harmful? Let's have a look at this. Let's let's look to see if this is the right issues that we need to be talking about. The BBC are not going to do that because they have to be centrally they have to be centrist. That's you know, and I always thought on the BBC is quite left. And yes, there are some things that come from the BBC that is left. But it's not as left as you know, it's not so left that it is good. Not going to be fat phobic. It's really fucking the BBC is really fucking fat phobic. So turn off the BBC, obviously, turn off ITV, because that's a fucking shit show. Just turn off British media, unless you were able to consume it in a way where you've recorded it, or you're not going to be exposed to the news or other types of shows where you know, they're going to be like, oh, yeah, you know, fat people are evil or whatever it is, because Oh, man. It's not good for you. It's not good. It's not good for anyone. Oh, okay. So that's my rant, but unknown, okay, now we're feeling better, we're feeling better, we're feeling good. We've, we've spoken about it, you know, we've established that there is no evidence to support that fat people are at higher risk. And even if there was okay, so even if there was even if like, there was 1000 studies that came out control for all other type of variables, and it was that people are going to die, you know, whatever, there is no way to reliably make ourselves thin. And by doing that, that, that efforts to try and make ourselves thin, is, is risky, for many reasons. So what's the solution? The solution, the solution is to try and reduce the stigma that you're experiencing.

Speaker 1

23:13

Okay. Okay, so let's talk about what we are going to be talking about today, the four massive mistakes that everyone makes when trying to love their body. There are four mistakes that everyone makes when they're on the body loving journey. And I see them come up time and time and time and time and time and time again, as reasons that people are stuck, and don't feel good in their body. And I'm going to go in depth on all four of them today, so that you can avoid these pitfalls. And so when you don't work on these things, I've used this analogy before, but it's a really good one. And so I want to share it again, is that it's like if you are making these mistakes, or if you have limiting self beliefs, it's like there's a bucket and it's got holes in and each hole represents the mistakes and the limiting self beliefs. And when you pour water into that bucket, and the water is the goodness of fat positivity. You know, listen to podcasts during the word reading books, you're pouring water in, and it just drains out. But you don't know that there's holes there. And you keep pouring water in and you'll be like, Why am I not feeling better? Or why do I not love my body yet? And it's because you need to plug those holes then you can pull the water and then you'd like what are you goodness, thank you very much. And so these four mistakes are here a form of holes that we can plug right now today. Okay, so, plugging holes. Now, the first one, the first big mistake, massive, massive. This is like the number One thing that stops people is letting other people's judgments stop you from living, literally stopping you from doing the things that you want to do in your life because of what other people are going to think what other people are going to say how other people are going to react react to you living in a fat body. Without shame. Now, people are always going to judge you. Sadly, no matter what people are always going to judge you. Now, someone said to me, because I was asking people like, but I was because I always want to get inside your brains, right? You know, like, what's going on here and stuff? And this person said, Well, if I love myself, and if I love my body, then other people's judgments are going to be louder, and I'm going to experience more criticism. And yes, that is absolutely true. Not Absolutely. But yes, that could happen. But what I put to you is, isn't? Wouldn't it be easier to combat criticism about your body? Living in a fat body? Any type of comment or side look or whatever? Wouldn't that be easier if you you, like to your body, or you thought that your body was okay, or you thought that you're a worthy human being? Versus if you were like, Yeah, I am a piece of shit. Yeah, you're right. Like, wouldn't that be easier? You know, because if someone comes up to me and says, You're fat Victoria, I'm like, Congratu fucking lations great observational skills. Like, it doesn't mean anything to me, right? Because I'm like, Yeah, I'm fat. And I'm great. And fat is fine, whatever. Whereas if I didn't love myself, and someone said, You're fat Victoria, it would be the most awful thing. I would remember that comment for years to come. It would ruin my day and my week, etc, etc. So isn't it better to work on loving yourself so that you can then deal with other people's judgments more effectively? Question to you. Why not? Why not answering the back?

Speaker 1

27:26

The way that this manifests like what this looks like, and so I've divided this into four different categories like romantic family, friends, and strangers. So how this manifests and so you can say, Aha, yes, this is I think, like this. These are actual things that people have told me, because I like doing like little surveys on Instagram and that type of stuff. So these are actual fears. Okay. So romantic. So this is a fear of judgment. So romance. If I date, then when people meet me in person, they will think I'm waiting fat. My spouse prefers smaller people, or me when I was smaller, and will leave me, I tend to date losers because they are, quote, unquote, kind enough to overlook my crime scene of a body. I feel uncomfortable being intimate, or naked. So that's how fear judgment could manifest in the romantic side of things now, family, family, I'd be loved more if I were thin, or when I did lose weight, they were so happy. I'm letting my family down. They are embarrassed by me. constantly having to justify fat positivity Health at Every Size or intuitive eating. And what if I do get sick? And they will say I told you so. So that is how fair judgment is manifest in families. And yeah, there's lots of other ways as well you know, families worrying about how your family is going to if you're not dieting, what they're going to say if you decide to eat food, are they going to comment etcetera, etcetera. Okay, so friends, friends, saying I'm beautiful, but then diet not to look like me. raised eyebrows. Your baby? No, oh my god, I never one of that, like you. I haven't posted pictures on social media for fear what friends think. Scared to bump into someone I haven't seen in a while, especially if it's my eggs, because I've put on weight. Friends say I look good, just to be nice, but it's not actually true. And fear of judgment in regards to strangers. So strangers will presume I'm unhealthy, never exercise or lazy. My body is the first thing they notice and they think it's bad. If I wear something that makes me more visible, I'll get abuse and also doctors will prescribe me weight loss. So The fear of judgment is in all areas of our lives. And it's massive, and I did a whole episode on, on, you know, what's going on when we're scared of how people perceive us. And you know, we want to belong and all that type of stuff, but we don't know if this stuff is going to happen. Like, you know, you can say, you know, I'm just, I've decided that I am going to try and work on loving my fat body and not lose weight anymore. And your family could say, Fuck you, you're disowned never come around here again, your boyfriend could be like, Oh, my God, I want to be with, uh, you know, as very thin person you're dumped, or your partner or whatever, your friends could all be like, Oh, actually, we're friends with you. Because we really liked that you were thin one time, and they could tell you to go away. And, you know, people in the street could like, throw eggs at you or whatever, like those things could happen. Like, is it? You know, is it possible what maybe, you know, a couple of fears might come true. But then also some wonderful things could happen. Yeah, probably. But it's no wonder that, you know, it's no wonder that you feel like this, or, you know, we as humans feel like this is because we want to, we want to belong, and it's human nature to judge, like, if you're quite a judgy person, then your fear of judgment might be also high. So if you're looking at other people, like judging their bodies, good or bad, and assessing where they fit on the scale of attractiveness in the world, then you're probably doing that to yourself as well. And it's no wonder that we do this because it's incredibly painful, to be rejected and to be judged. And also, it's scary to fly in the face of fat phobia and of our fat phobic society. And it takes a lot of bravery and practice. But if you continue putting other people's opinions of you above your own happiness, you'll never be truly happy because you'll be living a lie. Right? And it may be painful, and it may be scary. But do you want to live the rest of your life living a lie and and, and and saying, oh, yeah, no,

Speaker 1

32:25

definitely gonna die at home, ya know, and not stepping into this new this new reality of I'm going to love and accept my fat body, even if it is hard, even if I could get judged, but you're getting judged anyway. So um, it also leads to you to like living small and hiding away and being a vanilla version of you. You know? Do you so a couple of days ago, I was watching 24 hours in a&e So bridge program. It's about accident and emergency, you know, the ER room, and they interview the patients and stuff like that. There was this one woman in there. I think she was 86. And she was in there for diagnose something minor. She was fine. She said to the camera, like the first thing she says don't bother getting old. Because you become ugly. is not worth living. And her whole interview she was and people you know, they're the I'm guessing people were like, Oh, isn't it funny? You know, old people? Aren't they funny, you know? But really, this is so fucked up. I was like, This isn't funny. This isn't cute. She's only concerned about she thinks that she has no no worth in life because she is not, quote unquote attractive anymore. And, and she's saying how she's single, she could never find a husband because they weren't attractive enough for her. And at the end, they were like, she was like, okay, yeah, I would like to find a husband now. And they said what you're looking for? And she said, obviously he has to be good looking. All she was focused on was looks, she was 86 Do you want to be the 86 year old who's like, oh, you know, my life is not worth living? Because I'm quote unquote unattractive now, which is not true. Or do you want to be that person who said fuck it, whatever stage you're in your life, even if you're at six right now. Fuck it, fuck what other people think I'm going to do what feels good for me. And if people don't like it, they can fucking suck my dangling tickets do not mean. So also, this it really robs you of joy and fills you with regret. And it's a lot about you know, how you know how my ex boyfriends going to perceive me how Michelle from school is you know, if I put if I put up a picture, Michelle from school might see that I've put on three pounds and be like, Oh my God, she's really less I've go. When really like in Michelle's life. She's probably like, Oh my god. Oh, you know, on my face is getting a bit wrinkly, and I'm aging and I'm really stressed about it or whatever. You know, people are living their own lives, and it's and their judgement of you for having put on three pounds is fleeting, and it passes and it's not a big deal. It's not like for the next 10 years, I'm gonna be like, ah, oh my god one time. And you know, 1997 Sharon had a picture and it looked like she put on three pounds, oh my god, so scandalous. We were just like, whatever we get over it. So when you let go of the weight of people's judgments, you're able to tune into really who you really are. And what you actually want from life versus doing things to please other people is going to massively decrease your anxiety, you're going to care less like the act of caring less means that you're going to care less like your is going to reduce like they're working on, being afraid of what people think of you, is going to become easier and easier, easier to the point where you just don't give a shit. You know, everyone is walking around this world being like, I want to be loved. I hope people like me, am I good enough? Am I attractive enough? And if they have lower self esteem, they might look at you and say, Oh, you're ugly, you're too fat, whatever. And it's, you know, a lot of times it's coming from a place because they are not feeling good. You know, we're all just in this headspace of am I enough? Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? I'm a little I'm not gonna get fired. And it's just a waste of time. You know, what will be will be the future is not ours to see que sera, sera. And also, when you let go of the the weight of people's judgments, you will be able to live a loud and proud and have people love you for the real authentic version of you. Isn't that cool? Isn't that cool? Okay, so that is number one. Number one, letting other people's judgments stop you from living?

Speaker 1

37:07

Do we want to do that? Now? Let's not do that anymore. It's boring. We've got other better stuff to do. You know, better stuff to do in life. Okay, so number two, spending weeks, months or even years or learning and never taking action. So this is the Constant Learner effect. I went into deeper what the Constant Learner effect was in another episode titled The Constant Learner effect. So if you want to get deeper into what that is, then you can look at that. But let's talk about it right here. People do that. So what this looks like is following people on Instagram, listening to a lot of podcasts, reading lots of books and blog posts, watching YouTube things, doing all that good, but then never doing the stuff. Never taking the advice. Always taking in this information, and there's no there's there's input. And there's that never that output from from people. Not never. But this is just a trap that people fall into. If you're doing this, like don't feel bad, it makes sense. Like, it's relatively easy to take those steps to follow someone right to, to learn to buy a book, and is depending on what you're trying to do, potentially quite hard to take action, especially if you think that you shouldn't, or can't do this thing. In fact, it can be fucking terrifying. And so why would you do the thing that's really hard and terrifying when you can just follow someone new on Instagram, right. And if you lack confidence, you it's like a vicious circle, you lack confidence so you don't do the thing. And because you haven't done the thing, your confidence doesn't grow. And remember, it's like learning to swim by reading a book. You have to jump in the water. Now you don't have to jump in the deep end. That is bad advice. Don't jump in the deep end because you will traumatize yourself. Jump in the shallow end, just think all your toes in the water. Just get a little bit wet and then run out. And then but you've always on go home. Just do another bit. Okay. If you don't just do that little bit, and then keep practicing more and more and more until then you're diving off like the 100 foot diving board. I don't know if 100 foots a thing. Maybe you'll die. But anyway, if you don't, and you just learn, learn, learn. You're going to reinforce the belief that you can't do it. And confidence is for other people. You're going to stay stuck. You will become I'm overwhelmed with information. There are so many things that are on my reading list on so many so many things on all of our reading list and to listen to, to watch to consume. And sometimes that information isn't helpful. Sometimes that information isn't important. And you're like, Okay, well, I just need to read this book, I just need to read this blog post and I just need to, I've saved loads of bookmarks or things that I need to do and you the thing you do is take an action. But then and then when you want, when you do take action, is going to automatically build confidence. If you do it in the right way. Remember, don't jump into the deep end because you could skate yourself. There. No tinkling your toes in the water, just a little thing about the toes in the water. That's going to build confidence, and then you'll get momentum. And you'll be able to once you've tinkered your toes in the water, maybe go up to your ankle, maybe go up to your shins, maybe go up to your knees. And then you're also able to let go of overwhelm. Like you can still have that reading list of the 100 things that you need to read. But also you can be doing the things and then you will experience fruit. Freedom. You're like, Oh my God. Oh, actually, I could do that thing. Oh my God, I didn't die when I wore that dress. I didn't die when I wore a sleeveless top. I didn't die when I looked at my body in the mirror. You know, somebody that's like little so then you can increase. Okay, so mistake number three is failing to stop the flow of fatphobia into your life. So what this looks like is this is tricky one. Now

Speaker 1

41:55

sometimes it's really obvious what is fat phobic? Well, maybe it's not actually you know, I was about to say, you know, like the British media saying everyone's dying if they're fat from COVID To me that's obviously fat phobic, but to other people that might be like, Oh, I should listen to this. This has merit but you know something, obviously fat phobic. You know some, you know some video of I remember that video. Dear fat people from Nicole Arbour harbor arbour, she's just an absolute disgusting human being he wrote made a video and it went viral. And she was like, it's satire, even though she didn't know what satire was. She was like, I'm just comedian. And she like made a video saying, oh, fat people, you're horrible or whatever, you know, something like that. You might be able to see, okay, that's fat phobic. And I'm not going to watch that. If you're thinking about watching that. Don't watch that. Don't watch that shit. Don't consume content that is obviously fat phobic. But here is the problem here. lies the problem. A lot of stuff we don't realize is fat phobic until we are more confident in our body. And we understand more about what fatphobia is and how it manifests in our lives. And so a lot of people, I will say they'll say, I don't feel I don't feel confident. Okay. So, you know, tell me about your your day to day life or what's going on in your life. And they'll be like, well, you know, I was watching this program. and I were like, hang on a minute, that program where they make constant fat jokes. Yeah, that one. Okay. Oh, then and then I went to see my mom who's hardcore Dieter. Oh, when did she talk to you about dieting? Well, yeah, but just a little bit. She doesn't tell me that I should go on a diet. She just tells me about her diet. Okay, okay. Okay. And then what? Oh, well, then I will go hang out, go shopping with my thin friends. And, you know, I don't I don't actually, you know, buy clothes myself because we just got an all in the thin stores, you know, and, you know, but you know, it's nice to hang out with them. Okay, interesting. Interesting. And so, there'll be a lot of things where people don't realize it is you know, detrimental towards their, their mental health detrimental towards their body loving journey. And they they brush it off, they say it's not that big of a deal. And I'm like, it fucking is. Especially if you're new to this, especially if you're working towards loving your body. Yes, it is. If you have constant constant pokes saying, You're not good enough, you're not good enough. You're not good enough. Even if it's a tiny little. By the end of the day, you're gonna be bruised. You're gonna be hurting. Okay. And also people don't like setting boundaries. And so, you know, they'll say, Oh, well, my mom's talking about her her diet but you know, I don't want to tell her to not to stop because, you know, it would seem like I'm not supporting her or whatever? Well, if you if someone is actively harming you, then it's okay to say, hey, can we change the subject or whatever? Or Or hey, can you stop harming me? Obviously, you wouldn't necessarily use those words. Yeah, so people were like, they do not set boundaries. But there's understandable, right? If you're doing that it's understandable. Because it's hard to be aware of what is fat phobic? If you can't see it. So you could want to change, you could be like, Yeah, I want to get rid of all of that phobia in my life. But if you can't see it, then how can you get rid of it. And also, you could be not fully confident in your new beliefs, you know, that being fat is okay. And so if you don't fully trust it, it can be hard to you know, vocalize to people, Hey, don't don't talk shit about fat people if you're like, but is it okay to talk shit about fat people, you know. And also, it can be really hard to break a cycle. Really, really hard. If you've done things and watched things and, and spoken to your family in a certain way all of your life to then one day turn around and be like, Hey, this is a new me, it can be hard, right can help to break that cycle.

Speaker 1

46:17

So if you're doing this, like don't feel bad, like it's complicated, it's complicated. But also, getting fatphobia out of your life is really, really, really, really important. So if you don't work to get fatphobia out of your life, you know, that seeping that's seeping into your brain, your own fat phobic beliefs, deepen, and become fact, you know how in society, it's fact that fat people are unhealthy. Well, that's not actually true. But you know, when you're so deeply fat phobic, that is just black and white. So the more that this stuff goes unchallenged, the more it becomes fact. And then when it's fact to you, it's harder to change those beliefs. If you don't stop the fatphobia, getting into your life, your self esteem will lower even more. And you can feel stuck and confused. Like who is right? Is this right? Should I listen to my doctor who's telling me that? You know, I need to lose weight because I stubbed my toe? Or should I listen to what my brain is telling me saying this doesn't feel right. Maybe losing weight is not going to help me with my stubbed toe. You know, and it can be really confusing because, you know, you want to do what's best for yourself and what's best for your family and those who are being influenced by you, you're gonna lead them down the wrong path. And also, if you don't let, don't stop the fatphobia into your life, you're more likely to continue to try and manipulate your body size. You might be you know, you might try it or you might have disordered eating patterns. Or you might just constantly secretly thinking I just wish I was thin. I just wish I was thin. And when you were able to identify and reduce that fatphobia in your life, your that will increase your self esteem you'll be able to easily spot when something impacts you negatively and protect your mental health. And you'll also be have way more space to add the good things into your life. Now for me, I'm so people often ask me, like, what do you say when people you know say diety things to your what do you say when someone says something mean to you like in person? And I'm like, that hardly ever happens anymore. Unless I meet new people. But the people around me, they know so well that Farber phobia isn't cool. And not to talk about, you know, food moralizing or anything like that in front of me that I just don't experience it. And so it's easier, like sometimes I do, like if I meet a new person, and obviously I do like online from Trolls and shit. But, you know, that's not what people are asking me about. And it's so you know, fat positivity is so in my brain, that when something that is not fat positive comes up, say if I'm watching a new TV show, or whatever, it is, like this regular, like, woofer phobia. Before I would never have spotted it, I would have just been like, Well, yeah, you know, no big deal. I would have said, it's not a big deal. It's not a big deal. But now, I spot it and I make a decision. Do I want to keep consuming this content? Or you know, don't let it slide for a little bit. See if it improves that type of thing. And then you know, I'll monitor how I'm feeling and then you know, say if I watch a show So I started watching this show. It's a British show. It was called, I should have not watched it from the fucking name of the show. It's called body fixers. I mean, really? Come on, people go into a salon and they say, you know, I've got my hair is too curly, can you straighten it for me? Or I've got a spot on my nose? Can you take the spot off or whatever, you know, things like that. And so I was like, Oh, this could be interesting. Because you know, you know, the first guy goes in, he's like, really, really white. He's like, I want to get town. So you get to town and stuff like that. And so I watched, I think two episodes. And I was like, I don't know about this, like, there was no fatphobia in the show. But then, a couple of days later, I noticed me looking at my face differently, looking saying, Maybe I should get some Botox. And I was like, what? Where is this coming from Victoria, and someone on the show who got Botox?

Speaker 1

50:57

And it was just like, Okay, well, I'm not watching that show anymore. Even though it might be entertaining. It is not good for my mental health. And I could decide to keep watching it if I want to. Or not, you know, it's my decision. But I realized even though his show wasn't fat phobic it you know, it's, it was problematic. I mean, come on. Now, I should have done better like body fixes, really. Because there's another show called tattoo fixes that I've seen a few times, you know, when people get like, shit tattoos when they're drunk or whatever, and they get a better one. So I was like, oh, you know, it could be like that, or whatever. But no. Okay, so Mistake number four, trying to control physical health and ignoring mental health. Now, this is a big one people are like, as long as I'm fat and healthy. As long as you know, people are like, oh, yeah, fat people, as long as they're fat and healthy. And, you know, I don't want to lose weight for what I looked like, I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy. Is that true? Is that true? Is that true? And so this also looks like health ism. Health is amazing case you don't you're not familiar with that term is it? We live in a healthy society, it blames the individual for their health status and treats the body as a machine. So if you do this, then this will happen. If you ever never eat this food, you will never get sick. And it values healthy bodies over unhealthy bodies. So we all have healthiest and ableist beliefs. But we need to, you know, work to get rid of them. There's also looks like a deep fear of weight gain. And believing in scaremongering, you know, this whole thing about the COVID that ship, believing in that shit and being like not using those critical thinking brains of ours. So it's no wonder that we think like that, it's because we have been fed a millions of messages that say fatness equals death. And that's scary. You know, most of us don't want to die. So, you know, if we think about putting on weight, and we think no one's gonna love us, or my partner's gonna think we're ugly, we're going to then become unhealthy and die. Like why then, hello, of course, you're gonna be scared to put on weight. So it's also no wonder because you don't want to feel like you're quote unquote, giving up on your health. And a lot of times, a lot of times people believe that accepting your fat body means that you are quote, unquote, giving up on trying to be healthy, it is literally the opposite. Because trying to manipulate your body size, over exercising, guilt and shame and all that type of stuff is not good for your health. accepting and loving your body has shown to improve your self esteem. It's shown to me that you'll have better health outcomes. It's good for your health, because then you can focus on things in a non disordered way. So you're not giving up you're literally doing the opposite. You're not doing some of those you're not you're not doing something that's easy. This stuff is not easy. Okay. It's hard to try and lose weight because you know, diets don't work. But it's also not easy to say okay, I'm just going to accept my body you're up against the law. It's hard work is hard work to undo those millions of messages that you've heard, so you're not given up. And also, I mentioned before, you know the what the idea of being fat or fatter means in to you and to society. But if you continue believing that fat equals unhealthy and undesirable, it's going to damage both your physical and mental health. It's, you're more likely to continue to engage in harmful behaviors. And then you're going to be unable to uproot your health ism, and fat phobia. And also, you're unable to fully care for your health, because you're approaching it in a disordered way, and be comfortable in your body. And also,

Speaker 1

55:26

when we're so focused on our physical health, we oftentimes kick mental health to the sideline, well, that doesn't matter. Mental Health has a massive impact on your physical health. So when you let go of the idea that you have to try to control your physical health, by the way, oftentimes, we can't control what goes on in our bodies. When you let go of the idea that you have control, you're able to rebuild helpful behaviors and minus disordered beliefs. Okay, so you're able to once you've recovered from all of these unhelpful behaviors and beliefs, you were then able to add in stuff that's not based in disordered thinking. Right? You're able to care for yourself fully, while feeling calm and joyful versus feeling anxious all the time that your body is bad. And also, you're not going to think that you're going to spontaneously combust from fatness all the time, like having that worry is, is not good for us. Right. So that is number four. So let me go over them again. Number one, letting other people's judgment stop you from living. That's the biggest one, number two, spending weeks, months or even years learning and never taking action. That's a Constant Learner effect. Number three, failing to stop the flow of fatphobia into into your life. And number four, trying to control your physical health and ignoring your mental health by believing that you have control absolute control over your, your physical and mental health. Yeah. So those are the big things that I want you to think about. And hopefully today's episode has helped you consider those things and how, you know, some of those beliefs might be unhelpful or problematic for you. And hey, if you're listening to this episode, and you're on social media right now, why not take a screenshot of you listening to this episode, and tag me on social media, and I will, I will share, I'll give you a shout out I'll say, hey, this person is a first party. And ever also, if you want to get more into this stuff, then grab my the first fatty body love roadmap, which goes into these mistakes, and also the three easy steps to follow to increase your body confidence. And also, there is an invite in there for you to join first party friends, my Facebook group, and you'll get body love trainings sent to your inbox. Oh my gosh, amazing. Yeah, so that is our episode today. Thank you for hanging out. thinking maybe it was a bit of a longer episode today. Oh, no, not so much. Yeah, so thanks for hanging out with me today. I hope you're feeling a little bit more fat positive after this. Like if you've been feeling like your body's not okay, I hope this is what I hope I hope hanging out with me makes you feel more positive. And listening to an episode makes you feel more resolute in the idea that your body is okay and that you're worthy no matter what your weight is, that is my hope for these episodes that you know you can just have a little injection of of goodness into your brain and you can just carry on with your life and then if you're having a bit of a wobbly moment, you can come back and listen to an episode and feel better. But also, if you want to get deeper into this work, and you know stop that Constant Learner effect and really deep dive into this stuff then consider my E course fierce fatty Academy is probably not available right now. You know, it's not it depends when you're listening right is when I'm saying it's probably not available. It's not right now. But if you want to be notified when first fatty Academy is available, you can go to first fatty.com forward slash waitlist. I think it was what it is. Yeah, it was Yeah. I was like shit is that is that the Euro low? It is. I'll also link in the show notes to Josh Joshua, Dr. Joshua wall rich and Christie Harrison's posts so that you can see those two if you want to share them. So yeah, okay, thanks for hanging out today. I will see you In the next episode, okay, bye, fatty See you later crocodile.

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