And this is had been very useful a number of times, I'll get to a point that I realize I'm starting to get kind of anxious and agitated by something one of the person is saying, and I'm really upset with them, I don't like what they're saying, I'm agitated by the fact that they're so close or whatever. What I have to remember at that moment to do is to is to pay attention on my own aperture to remember to ask myself, so what's happening right now? Are you closing down? And almost always, if if I think to ask usually, the answer is, yeah, I'm starting to close down here, I'm having a negative reaction to something I'm hearing, I'm closing down, and that's not going to allow me to be effective, I need to reopen. Now, as therapists, we do have certain tools for reopening. And those are the tools we're trying to teach our clients, I really think that everything we're trying to teach our clients is simply to be able to do the things that we've learned to do ourselves as clinicians. That's the curriculum. And to me, the therapy is over when the other person or the couple can do the things that they've been doing in the room with you, and that you've been helping them to learn by the by your own doing of them. So paying attention, my own aperture and reopening, for me, that happens most easily. There are several, several things to do there. For me, what's very powerful sometimes is to is to remember my compassion, that to remember my compassion for the person that I'm having a negative reaction to, like, maybe somebody's saying something really mean to the other person. And I'm getting agitated and upset by that, to kind of sit back notice my apertures not so open, and look for my compassion for that person, like, wow, I'm pretty sure that person loves this other person, I know that from sitting with him for a while. And right now they're not being very loving, they must be scared in pain, you know, something is getting in the way of their lovingness. And once I can reconnect to that my aperture starts to reopen, feel as I'm describing it to you, I can feel like Oh, yeah. And so returning to compassion for the other person is often a way to get to open aperture. And sometimes, especially, especially for your clients who are just being introduced to this, sometimes a pause is helpful. If you start to notice that apertures are falling, yours or the other person's and usually they're following each other. Because sometimes you need to say, Well hold on a second. You know, I really want to be listening to what you're saying, I, I think it's important what you're trying to tell me, and I'm noticing that I'm starting to close down. Let's modify something often, you know, if I started to talk to you about something that you don't want to talk about, and you sort of closed down My Next Move unconsciously may be that I'm going to start talking louder and louder I talk, the more you close down and faster I talk, the more you close down, and pretty soon we're both pretty closed. So I might at that point, say hold on a second, I'm closing down what you're saying is important. But I noticed I can't listen. Could you please speak a little bit more slowly and maybe a little bit less loudly. And let's try it again and see if I can listen better. Now of course, that if you do speak more softly and slowly that's going to help me to reopen, but also just the fact that I paused and signaled that I'm taking you seriously that I'm taking the conversation seriously. That in itself is going to help you to open and your openness is going to help me To open, et cetera. So these are some of the things that we can do to help ourselves stay open. Because after all, in important conversations, the goal isn't to be, I usually use a one to 10 scale with people with aperture is very helpful just to see where you are, and so on. So usually, when I asked you about average aperture, I don't just ask them open or close, I asked them on a scale of one to 10. If 10 is wide open, where are you. And I generally think of five as the place where we're good to go five or above five, are open enough to have the conversation and below five in the bottom half of the scale, you probably need a pause, you may need a short pause, a little pause, you need a course correction, either something between the two of you like the way you're talking to me, or maybe something inside of you, like I returned to my compassion and kind of adjust things that way. But but the pause is very important. And I can say more, I do want to say more about the benefit of slowing down a conversation. Do that now or a little later? Or would you like to go next?