Hey there, welcome to episode six. Quite simply friend this shit we need to talk about today in this episode is how in the hell do you actually continue to align with winters vibe when here we are in the last full week of January? Absolutely nothing in dominant culture is right one despite the vibe of last Friday's New Moon, the Lunar New Year's message and winters continued invitation all three things are saying the same thing to rest, to recalibrate, to reflect, to rejuvenate and imagine what it is you want to come in the coming weeks what it is that you want to be present how it is that you want to experience life. The reality friends is that in society, the last week of December's sloth mode is basically a distant memory. And so for all of you out there, right the people who are disrupting dominant cultures messaging in so many areas of life, how in the world do we do this? Right when there is nothing out there that is actively supporting us in saying, okay, yes, Message received. I'm going to do this and feeling like you are equipped to do this. So my friend support to help you through this madness is here. Now in my mentorship program, the holistic self care collective when it comes to our overall focus this month, and really, I've kind of made it an overarching theme for this entire year, whether they liked it or not. I offered this question to them. What makes you juicy? Now notice, like are you cringing? Are you like? Let me hear this. I want to hear more about this. I cannot take credit for this. This came from Mia Birdsong, a black writer, activist podcaster in which who practices juicy January on in her own life. And at the end of December, she offered her practice to her Instagram followers, and her handle is at Mia birdsong. And I've included her handle in the show notes. So definitely check her out. She wrote that the practice begins with this question, what makes me juicy. She goes on to say and I'm quoting her juicy is deep, it's nourishing, it's sustaining. It supports resilience. There's also something pleasurable about it. It's fluid, it's not as rigid or restrictive. It may be helpful to think of things that are sensual, things that activate your sense in good ways. Juicy is a way of loving yourself. It's not the shit that makes you feel good in the moment, but it's actually dehydrating, juicy habits, practices, actions, et cetera, take care of you. And quote, and because I love it so much, because I feel like this is so rich. In wisdom, I'm going to say it again, I'm going to recite it again. Because if you're like me, a visual learner, you may need to hear it again, if you're not, since you're not seeing the words right to fully process it as you're listening. And if you're reading the transcript, I'm hoping that seeing the words is helping the message to land for you. So I'm going to repeat what I just read in terms of my quote of her post. Juicy is deep, it's nourishing, it's sustaining. It supports resilience. There's also something pleasurable about it. It's fluid, it's not rigid or restrictive. It may be helpful to think of things that are sensual things that activate your sense in a good way. Juicy is a way of loving yourself. It is not the shit that makes you feel good in the moment, but it's actually dehydrating juicy habits, practices, actions, etc. Take care of you. Oh, Mia goes on to discuss in this post, how these practices can be as simple as drinking water taking vitamins or medication. And there's not necessarily something pleasurable about taking your vitamins or medication or drinking water. But it's a practice that feels good, right? It helps us to feel good to be taken care of. And the practices can be something more or something bigger. It can be something you do once in the entire year, once in the week, once in a month, or it can be something ongoing. It's also the practice of identifying the things that dehydrate you, not just physically but energetically as well. Right? And make shifts with them to create space for What you want more of there's so much goodness here. So I encourage you to take a lot of time, days, weeks, even months to consider this, especially if it's a completely new practice to you, right? I've been in a practice that is similar to this for really the last decade or so. And after seeing me as post at the end of this past December, I've been in contemplation with it or from it ever since, because it added a layer that add meaning that I hadn't been practicing that I hadn't been considering. So friend, I want to, to share, to reiterate to encourage to simply say, this is not something to be rushed, right? Even though we know dominant culture has said that we need to have had our resolution set by December 31. That's bullshit. This practice of deciding how you want to feel what is supportive for you, it doesn't have a timeline, or it doesn't have an end date, it is ongoing. So please, don't rush yourself. And here's the other thing likely what first comes to mind for you will be surface level stuff and the true deeper stuff, the real essence of your need may take time to uncover. So give yourself that time in that space. I think it's also important to note a few things you may have some feelings with, you know, considering the word juicy. And it may be because when you hear the word it conjures up feelings, or maybe a vision of a piece of ripe fruit, and you might be like, What in the world? Like, how does this connect to me? But friend, I don't know where you live in the world. And so you may have to think of something else. But for me when I think of juicy ripe fruit, I think of a summer peach. I'm here in New Jersey, oh, peaches are just so delicious here. It's lush, it's moist. I know everybody's favorite word. And when you bite into it, it there's an explosion of like decadent sweetness and the juice can just run down your hand your rest your arm. So much so that when and if you are fortunate to experience this, it elicits maybe a moment of sheer pleasure, like oh, this is so good. And I mean honestly, like all this sounds amazing to me. And I want more of this experience in my life, not necessarily just with beaches, but with it like anything. But friends, here's the thing. In a society that so strongly links the word pleasure with sex, where in society sex is reduced to an accurate act of procreation and the mere act of enjoying sex or sexual pleasure, especially for those who are labeled female at birth. The word juicy when associated when not associated, I should say when not associated with really ripe fruit seems naughty, right? The word pleasure has been sexualized to the point where people take pause when I asked them, what brings them pleasure, and some even squirm at the question, especially if we're in a group setting and people are amongst their colleagues. So if you had an initial squirmy reaction, if you're still squirming, no judgment, I'm here for you, because that's not your doing. It could be cultural, religious, you know, society if you are living in America, or in another country where sex and pleasure are naughty things. So if it's easier for you, maybe find a synonym for juicy, maybe that just not your word right now, and that's fine, right? But then consider what makes you hydrated beyond water consumption, what makes you nourished, what sustains you? What brings you pleasure, including and beyond a sexual nature, what brings you enjoyment and happy satisfaction, because that's the definition if you Google juicy, or I should say, if you Google pleasure, enjoyment and happy satisfaction are in the definition. And friends, I have to caution you, if you are a parent or a partner, I encourage you to think of these questions these considerations in terms of you, yourself, not in terms of your role as parent or partner. I know that seeing your kids or partners happy and fulfilled brings you happiness and satisfaction. But friends in those instances they are the ones actively enjoying themselves Your satisfaction is an extension of theirs, which while wonderful is not the same as you doing the enjoying and I know that might be a really complicated conversation to have with yourself that things might need to be unpacked there I get it.
Each person in the collective this month has been on their own journey through this complication complete complication this contemplation and it has been complicated, right? In different ways for each of them. Each of their journeys has looked different based on who they are their dominant energy, how they're currently experiencing life and how they want to feel. And so we've been exploring specific practices based on those factors that have been added to their personal self care plan. And I highly recommend you creating your own personal self care plan with me, so that you can move forward towards making those aligned steps in terms of what makes you juicy in like a clear and very, very, very intentional way. Like because I have to tell you, right, after all these years of society, telling me who I am and what I'm worth, I'm done with all that harmful messaging. I'm going juicy and pleasure all the damn way. And I'm happy for you to come along on this journey with me because scarcity, fear, doubt, less rigid, all that shit that gets us doesn't work. It just doesn't work. And so, if you remember, or maybe this is your first episode you're listening to at the end of December back in episode two, no worries, you don't have to go back and listen to it. I asked you to reflect or I ask the listeners to reflect on what practices what energy thoughts, what words, what situations from 2022? Or maybe before then we're not serving you. We're not supporting you. I asked, What do you want to leave behind in 2022? And what shifts Do you want to make for 2023? Big loaded questions, right. But again, like when you think of like, what makes me juicy, you got to be really clear on, you know, what's not working, what's dehydrating, right? What's offering that immediate graphic gratification, but really is dehydrating in the end, right? What's not supportive in the end. So about 10 years ago, I learned about yoga philosophy sankalpa, which translates to becoming one with the subconscious mind, it's basically a resolve that's created from our hearts, deepest desires, that honors who we are right now, which is imperfectly perfect, right? Or perfectly imperfect. Took needed you decide how you wanna look at it, and supports us, as we create a life we're meant to thrive in and enjoy. We're basically living in juiciness, friends, is rooted in intention, it's formed by our intuition, and it's attached to self love, and acceptance. And for that reason, this intention, this commitment, this action of self love. It lasts all year round. And for years to come. sankalpa living it, it lasts. And with sankalpa, there is a flexibility that's present, which is not present with resolutions, right? Because with resolutions, we say something along the lines of I want to achieve this, I want to do this thing. It might be I'm going to the gym three times a week for an hour, or I'm going to eat healthy, I'm going to eat clean, whatever that means. And so that means that I'm going to eat this for breakfast, this for lunch, and this for dinner. It is very specific, is rigid even. And oftentimes what happens, let's be real. If we stray from that exact action that we said we were going to do, then we're all up in our thoughts and our feelings about it and often restrict or punish ourselves further than next time to make up for what was missed. Can you think of any area of your life where that has happened? I can I can think of many in my life. And friends, I have to tell you, from a personal aspect and professional aspect that is no way to live. When it comes to living a sankalpa you're listening to the call from deep inside yourself from your deepest needs and desires. The actions you take are powered by love for yourself and a wanting to feel more in harmony with yourself. It's with an understanding that you cannot control all aspects of life so that when life is lifing and let's be real getting in the way you lean on the tools you have to pivot and adjust whether that's amending what you said you do or omitting it all together for that day, and truly being settled with that decision. It offers space for reflection and contemplation about what's not working and why that has nothing to do with your worth and ability to do the action but rather, considers your time resources and capacity and allows for room for adjustment. It's coming from a place of support, not should. In the holistic self care collective, we've been slowly exploring our son COPPA for 2023 Inspired By October, I think we started with energy planning, like what do we want our energy to be in inquiring what type of energy we want to experience and have present around us. And then in November, we began mindset planning and considering how we lead ourselves throughout the journey in terms of how we exist, how we motivate ourselves navigate challenges, how we'd call on support. And then in December, we started practice planning, and the process of getting clear on our personal sankalpa our commitment to ourselves, and what trusting ourselves look like, as well as the fact like of what's truth, versus what's BS. It has been a process for sure. And it's been really cool to be along for the journey with each of my clients. And in case you're having feelings about like shit like this is their week of January stuff. Why are you bringing this up? Now, I'm totally bind, don't worry, right? No fixed timeline, you can start anytime. You can start next week, you could start next month, you could start in March or April, it doesn't matter, right? The thing is a sankalpa is fluid and your process can be customized to you. As life unfolds. Within the collective, and in my own life, we create a certain couple for the year or for the foreseeable future, whether that's longer or shorter than a year, or not associated with a certain timeline or end date at all, like it can be completely and ambiguous, right. And we also create a seasonal sankalpa, like so for each winter, spring, fall, etc. And a monthly sankalpa. And we consider how the energy of the season affects us, as well as what our responsibilities look like month to month. And what's really cool, what I'm so grateful for is to be able to walk beside the people in the collective, every step of the way, right? Walking beside them as they're shifting and adjusting as life life's because life will life. Right? So this week, and even for the next few months, you might take a lot of time, however long it takes to become clear. And I encourage you instead of asking yourself, what do you want to do or achieve this year? Ask yourself how do I want to feel? How do I want to experience life? What makes me juicy or insert other word, right? If you have a very specific goal in mind around traveling, eating, exercising, or anything, and let's be real, the research shows us that oftentimes, by this time, the third week of January, people have completely thrown their resolutions out the window you may not have and that's totally fine. Kudos to you. You also may be feeling like damn, I haven't fallen off, you know, the goal I've set for myself. But I do want a softer, more loving way forward. So consider this for yourself as well. I need you to consider the why behind whatever goal or objective you have. Like in the deep why the root cause of the why? For instance, if you want to travel more, is it because you want an escape, quote unquote, escape it, you want to experience life differently? Do you want to enjoy different experiences, these are all fair reasons. And traveling is amazing, especially if you've got the resources to do so. And the reality is, you can experience life differently and have different experiences and have an escape at home without traveling. You can craft a life you don't have to escape from we just something we talk a lot about at the end of spring and early summer. So stay tuned for that conversation. But my friend if your life is on a pace, if it's filled with experiences or people that don't serve you, if it's without fun experiences, excitement, pleasure or rest, the itch to travel is going to be terrible. It's going to be a terrible itch, right that's constantly gonna be itching you. And the worst part is that even the most amazing trip or vacation will not fully scratch the itch. It may for a little bit but not overall.
The same goals with goes with many eating and exercising goals if you're not clear on your why the root cause of your why it's very common that when you reach your goal, you'll feel unfulfilled or you might fall back into old patterns or throw in the towel along the way. Because it feels like the work climbing the mountain and the energy required to push yourself forward either isn't worth it in terms of the reward, or it'll take you too long to get there. So if your goal is linked to prompted by or in an attempt to override guilt, shame, a feeling of unworthiness or a need to prove a point it won't work no matter what you do. And again, like with travel, I want to be clear I'm not saying don't travel don't have eating or exercising goals or that they're doomed to fail. I bring up extra As an eating because they are the so common in terms of the shifts and behavior, the resolutions that people create for themselves. What I'm saying is the process of making new year's resolutions, they're doomed to fail. And they offer an empty return on investment because achieving a goal that is fueled by disciplining yourself into it by sheer willpower, by guilt, shame, filling a hole proving a point, it's going to offer quick results perhaps, but it won't last and it won't be fulfilling. So what I am saying is, yes, have a goal have a desire to shift, have a desire to feel a different way. But the approach and the intention behind the goal and action, that those need to be completely different. So here are some thoughts to consider. The intention, friend, it needs to speak to your heart and how you want to feel. Maybe you want to feel beautiful, seen safe, secure at ease, I mean, it could be a million other things. Friend, our actions are so often linked to an outcome to the goal to achieving the objective. And while they are wonderful to establish the problem is we are not machines meant simply to produce or achieve, nor are we unaffected by surroundings and circumstances. So getting clear on the feelings or the way you want to exist and move through the world that is behind the goal is what needs to be front and center. And the actions you take need to be in support of that feeling of how you want to feel not fueled by avoidance or fear of something else. This my friend is a huge delineation. Because dominant culture is constantly giving us the messaging of good and bad, a right and wrong of do this good and right thing so that this bad and wrong thing doesn't happen. And it permeates every area of our lives, including our self care. I cannot tell you how many clients come to me say, I know I should be doing this or shouldn't be doing that. We should ourselves too freakin much. And it's to the point where to me should is become a curse word. So instead of should. And because I love some alliteration. I'd like to offer you the word support instead. And the process of undoing shooting is when you find yourself saying I should be doing this or shouldn't be doing that, pause, breathe a few breaths in and out and ask yourself what do I need? How do I want to feel what would be supportive in making this happen? In Ayurveda, you are placed in the driver's seat of every decision you make. The right decision, guilt, shame and the achievement you're working towards are not in the driver's seat. They're not even in the passenger seat. So taking this a step further, a new free reframe to consider is favor, overdo this and limit over don't do this or restrict life is not black and white, my friends. It's not purely yes or no, there is gray area, not to mention a whole lot of color in between. And life is so much more than should versus should not. So as we move away from negative motivators like guilt, shame, not enoughness fear, we move into a world of favor and limit. And I know it's such a small shift. So you might be wondering, Could it really be that meaningful, meaningful? So let's try it. Favor. Notice what lands for you. Versus do this. Here the word limit versus do that or don't do that. Within favor or limit, you're actively choosing something. Right? You're actively choosing to not do something because it doesn't support the way you want to feel. Not because you're worried about this some awful thing happening. Right? The emphasis is not on what you're not doing or what you're not allowed to do anymore, which is so prevalent in dominant culture, it's actually choosing to favor what supports how you want to feel, and that has a whole different energy. Right? It's like the consideration of what makes me juicy in this process. So here's your mindset reframe, small and sustainable, over big and intense every time. Society has us believing that bigger is better always and gratification must happen immediately for something to be meaningful but That couldn't be further from the truth. When it comes to shifting behavior, whether it's in your self care and mental hygiene practices or something else, every time you think a step is small enough, go smaller and slower. I mean, it slow and steady wins the race, progress is being made, links are connecting shit is happening when we can't see it. Because think about this, if you plant a seed in the ground, you cover it, you water it, you leave it alone, trusting that one, it's doing its thing. And two, you'll eventually see a sprout right? The same is true here. Everything does not have to be big or as complicated as we or society makes it it just doesn't. What do you need to favor that supports the how you want to feel what makes you juicy. And here's the thing, friends. The next thing to consider is consistency. Without flexibility is rigidity. Rigid works for the foundation of your home space, and other buildings. It works for the frames of vehicles and transport of transportation, right. But it does not work for self care or lifestyle practices. Because life is happening in real time, all of the time. Yes, have a foundation of practices set that are aligned with who you are your dominant energy and how you want to feel Yes, do that. But then adjust them based on how you're experiencing life and what will be supportive and nourish your juiciness. My friend intensity doesn't have to be expressed and pushing forward at all costs. You can be intense about your well being and goals and also show intensity in terms of the way you tune in the way you listen to the way you act according with what you're hearing from yourself and with a consideration and care to how you want to feel and are feeling in the moment. And a big piece of the puzzle when creating steps toward achieving goals or objectives is the consideration of your time, your resources and capacity that's available in order to make these small steps towards the big action you eventually want to do. Because the reality is, if you want to go to the gym three days a week for an hour, but you haven't spent time creating space in your schedule, not clearing space, we often talk about clearing space. Well, you've got to create the space friends, while making sure that all other things are taken care of so that you can do this without a toll on you. If you haven't created the space, if you don't have the capacity. This will eventually become unsustainable even if you do do it for a few weeks or a few months. If you want to eat certain meals, but haven't created the space for thinking of the meals, writing the list, grocery shopping, meal, prepping, cooking, eating without being in a rush and cleaning up. Again, without all this taking a tax on you in other ways and forget it.
It's not
for lack of trying, it's not because you're not dedicated enough, I want to be clear, right? Because if your current schedule or capacity doesn't support you going to the gym three times a week, or making every meal home cooked. It's just not going to happen. And so the key is to start with one. One is significant. Don't let society convince you differently. One step is fucking amazing. One time is huge. So go to the gym once a week. If you're not going at all, make one home cooked meal or home cooked snack. Do that one thing, whatever it is, for a few days or few weeks, for a few months, until your time your resources and capacity built up or opens up so that a second time can be added without taxing you or creating issue in you in your life. So you might be wondering, Okay, step two sounds great. But how you actually create the space necessary to accommodate new actions. My friends, it's not rocket science. And it's going to be it's probably be something you've heard before. I'm not recreating the wheel here and I'm not coming up with any wisdom that people haven't already said let's be real. It comes from slowing down. It comes from centering rest, and not just sleep but practices that give you physical, mental, sensory, creative, emotional, social, spiritual release rest, rejuvenation and recalibration. I said it I'll say it again. It's by actively using your time in a focused manner for your responsibilities, and then freeing up time from Doom scrolling from procrastinating or your coping mechanisms when they are way extra in flitting burning, shutdown or hiding under a blanket. I have to tell you, this is the area I spend the most time on with clients. As they begin integrating practices from their personal self care plan, we don't magically create 26 hour and 26 hours in their day. Like that's not happening, right? I identify time sucks that they're kind of blind to. And also, when you create a large practices to your needs and wants, and you begin to implement them, time automatically frees up. Your energy isn't as depleted, your capacity opens up. It's really not magic friends, it's just what is in this equation that math is indeed mapping. So when it comes to how in the hell do you actually continue to align with winters vibe, when absolutely nothing in dominant culture is when despite the vibe of the new moon last Friday and Lunars new Lunar New Year's message and winters continued invitation to reflect, rest, recalibrate, rejuvenate, and imagine how you want life to be moving forward. In a society where dot you know, December's sloth mode is a distant memory. Friend, the key is to slow down, make more time for rest practices, all different ones create space to contemplate how you want to feel, this year, this month, this week even consider one teeny tiny step in that direction that honors your current available time, energy capacity and what makes you juicy. And then do that step. Until there is more space time capacity to add on. And I'm going to let you in on a secret, you might come up to a lot of resistance as you begin your inquiry. As you begin considering you may come up with a long list of doubts, worries, fear and clear impossibilities. And that's to be expected. So spend time talking through how you'll deal with them. And if you're not sure and less support that might be from people who are truly in your corner who will cheer you on, who will hold you accountable to yourself and help you figure out the challenges it might be me might be the holistic self care collective. My friends, I offer more support on aligned practices on potent practices on getting clear on a way forward. In the disruptors guide to self care is a free resource you can get right on my website, I talk about very simple shifts, you can make two basic self care practices that you're likely already doing. So that the impact though is more potent, but no more time consuming. And I also offer a trusty sidekick. It's a PDF that walks you through creating steps towards the objective you have, in a very small, very intentional way where the focus is on sustainability. I also include reflections considerations when challenges arise, and steps to continue moving forward in a sustainable way. Definitely check it out. I've included the link to it in my show notes. And remember, support is here in the holistic self care collective and in the personalized self care plan that you you and I can create together for yourself to help you get started and also stay the course on this journey you're creating for yourself, my friend until next time, please be kind and gentle to yourself just as you would those who are most precious to you. Whether that's a human, animal, baby or a plant. Take good care and stay connected. I would love to hear your thoughts about all of the support and disruption I offered in this episode. So please feel free to reach out and share. I am grateful for you. I'm grateful to be connected to you in this space. And remember You are a badass and you are enough. Be well
