220714 Session #2, June cohort group mentor coaching

7:07PM Jul 14, 2022

Speakers:

Tracy W

Keywords:

question

coaching

client

sondra

feel

thought

coach

noticed

work

bree

systems

life

minutes

talking

frustrated

super

adhd

important

hear

jenny

Yes, I am. I remember to hit record, I'm so proud of myself. It's like a win. All right. So we're talking about embodying a coaching mindset, maintaining presence and listening actively. And we put these together because they kind of flow. Right? So do you need the link again? Or do you have it to the to the updated ACC you good? Okay, okay. So, under, so I'm just gonna have you skim over and see if there's stuff that we need to talk about embodying and coaching mindset. The thing about this one is there's no specific behaviors that the ICF can like evaluate. Right? So it's, it's just that it's doing all the coachee things that are in the rest of the core competencies is sort of how I interpret it. What did you guys see in here?

I think you hit the nail on the head by saying like, doing all the other things, using powerful questions, holding space, you know, all of the other ethics, lean into embodying and coaching mindset. Anybody else,

see that relationship, building peace, in terms of, you know, connecting with someone, especially, you know, if you're trying to do it, like over zoom, that you're in some way able to, like, you know, express yourself in a way that they're feeling this is an open, safe, you know, non judgmental space for them to talk and share, and then move forward into coaching. So, I feel like a lot of this even starts to happen with the consultations, you know, just that, like, person to person sort of connection. Absolutely. And then if we're ethical at, you know, we're when we're ethical people with integrity and respect for clients that kind of, you know, that comes through, and they can sort of feel that and that starts that connection, or fit, you know, as well. Yeah, you

certainly want to come to your discovery calls with a coaching mindset, right? Kind of demoing, here's what it's going to be like, so yeah, important piece, yes, Sondra.

So in competency, six listens actively. I, I've read these conferences so many times. But I noticed something this time that kind of caught me off guard. And I don't know if it's the lack of sleep and cold and flu brain. So please, excuse me if what I ask is very obvious. Under the definition, it says focuses on what the client is and is not saying to fully understand what has been communicated in the context of the client systems. What do they mean by in the context of the client systems?

You think they mean?

So my initial interpretation of it was, huh. And then it was the way the person thinks, the way the person expresses the way they do things, the whole I mean, because my version is what I teach in my master class, which you did last summer, Tracy, and it's the whole ADHD style of the way your brain works, What style do you think it? What style do you learn in What style do you express in and how do those combined with each other? And to me, those are the systems, but I wasn't sure what the ICF is looking for.

Okay. Anybody else want to throw their hat in the ring about what this is about?

Yeah, well, me my social work brain decided to go to systems theory, and, you know, someone's placed within the, you know, the context of their life, their family, their, you know, work their, you know, the greater environment so far so far. So, that's sort of what I think of it on just, I guess, a more like, where's that person in their world? And how is that world? You know, supporting or, or, you know, not supporting them, and how are they interacting in it, and what do they need? And how are they expressing themselves in that in that world? That's sort of what I thought. But, you know, that's also my training and background is different, right. So it's interesting Sondra here, you know, yeah, they're different. Yeah. So you just kind of go to like, what your how your brain perceives these words, right?

Yeah. I go to socio emotional stuff because of the Counseling Psychology stuff that I have. So it's all okay. socio emotional. Oh, and the teacher in me comes out. So that's alerting style.

breach any any thoughts about this one? Question of context?

I think if I it's interesting to think about what would I have said before I was listening to them, but I really think it was some combination of the two, right? Going back to the national, creative, resourceful and whole. What are they saying to you using the context of what you know about their life that they've shared with you? So exactly what you're saying, but just a more simplified terms, is how I heard them.

Yeah, so I used to teach systems theory is the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. So my brain goes to systems as part of context. Context is like, part of it. I mean, like in a, in the grand scheme of systems theory, it includes we're in time are you? We're in space, are you. But it's also sort of one of those systems with which you interact. And they may be internal systems like Sandra's talking about maybe external systems like Tonya is talking about, right? So, you know, like, what are they constrained by? Let's say, you're, you're coaching somebody about work stuff. What is that system? Right? What is the context that they are trying to function in and make adjustments in. And it's important to know those systems, because if the system doesn't adjust for your own changes, those changes aren't going to stick. If any piece of the system changes, the rest of the system needs to adapt. So like for kids in a family, you know, their context is their family and school, basically. And so like, if the parents aren't on board with making changes to the way they parent, that kid's not going to have an opportunity to change. So but that's true for adults, too, in our context. I think that context to you as like, I don't know, like David Allen's getting things done is a simple way to think about it. Because he's like, what context are you in when you do these tasks? Right. So I have an office context, I have a grocery store context I have. Those are different contexts. How's that? Sitting with everybody? Really good? Yeah. So help. Okay, cool. Yeah, and the skills they're looking for the ACC level are not like, you know, super systems theory dependent. Like, did you listen? Did you point out that, like, the things that they said, Cool. You know, so it's always remembering, you want to do your best coaching, and also your best coaching, maybe beyond what they're asking for the ACC level? Because, honestly, I keep you guys to a higher standard. I don't know what else to do.

Well, and I think in a way, this, this is such an important concept, especially for ADHD coaching, because individuals with ADHD are often not fitting into the systems that the way they're established in neurotypical sense. And so I think we're, we're hyper aware of that, or we, you know, shouldn't be from our training. And so that piece, and that was Sonders, like the internal and external or something that we probably really focus on with clients, because those are some of the real challenges for them. So yeah, that's, that's interesting. So yeah, it's interesting to see what we do our like valuations and stuff, because wondering if ADHD coaches sort of have a bit more insight into that some of those areas, they probably won't tell us. But that's just my thought.

I have a client right now, who is really very bright, very evolved, she can hold a lot of complexity. And she is and she's working through some stuff with a therapist, and, and et cetera, et cetera. And she brings it to coaching. And so her context is actually sort of more her internal family system, which is a counseling thing, then it is her outside context, all of the context also affects her like she's selling a house right now. She's getting divorced right now. Like, there's all these other things going on. Right? So what's the intersection of those? And what does that do in terms of looking through her eyes, which helps you listen more actively and more, you know, aligned with what she's doing. So that that also is a way to think about it? Yeah. Since we're on Listen is actively what else in here grabbed your attention?

I think one thing that comes up for me a lot is noticing the subtle energy shifts. Yeah. Clients are always one just really impressed by that. And so I think it adds some trust, like a layer of trust. And it's really impactful for knowing where to go next, I think.

Yeah, that observational piece of just noticing. Yeah, And it's in the definition right what the client is and is not saying. So that can be what you notice that's going on underneath that can also be like, you're choosing to comment about this. How about this piece over here? It's like it should be a part of this, but you are clearly stepping away from not saying it like that in a coaching way, of course. Yeah, I think the reading between the lines piece is really powerful.

Yeah, what else? Yeah. I think number six, like finding themes throughout the sessions and patterns is super important. Because if something keeps coming up, it's obviously something to latch on to and dig deeper into. Absolutely.

Yeah, that's keeping that like 10,000 foot view while also being present. And in the details. This part is going to give you that I just said this to a client yesterday said I think I think I'm starting to hear a thread. And she said, Yeah, me too. I said, Okay, what are you hearing and it was exactly the same thing. I was thinking like, she was noticing it herself. It was her last session, she would roll it off. So

I'm like, yeah. What else in here? Anything.

I do like number five integrates the client's words. And just kind of matching their energy essentially. And I catch myself sometimes like, I'll say, my own word, and then I'm like, Oh, wait, you know, and I correct myself. And I've learned, but that's totally fine. And again, it's just another thing that they, they tend to feel safer. And it really matters a lot. If they're using that word. They're using that word on purpose, every now and then we'll even explore different words, right to try to as part of the change. But using their words, I think is when I first was starting, I was like that is that's not a big deal. But I've learned that's it's a big deal.

I had this 15 year old client who we would go through and we figured out a plan for her to like do her homework or whatever. And we did this for a few weeks. And finally she like nervously said, so here's the thing, we make up these great plans. And I don't do any of them. And I was like, okay, so we probably shouldn't make any more plans. He was like, really? Like, yeah, let's not make any more plans. So we did our coaching session. And at the end, I was like, so I'm a little concerned because this sounds suspiciously like a plan. Like, really feel like a plan. And so we played around with the words and we came up with a strategy. And that was what we used for the second half of her whole engagement strategy. And she did the things that shouldn't work. Totally worth. It totally works. So very cool.

There was something else I noticed as I was reading, and I just didn't start it, but I picked up on it now. It's under number five is comfortable working in a space of not knowing. And I think that that is probably one of the most important things because we have to assume nothing with the client, like they are creative, resourceful, and whole. We cannot make assumptions about what they're doing or why they're doing it and like remaining. Impartial to all of it is so important. But it can also be really difficult, especially in the beginning. I know that in my like when I first started working one on one with people, it was very hard to maintain that comfort. It was always like, Oh, well maybe have you thought of and now it's like okay, what what's happening there? What else can you share about it? What do you think it's very different. But it's also takes a long time to get there fully. And I don't think I'm fully there.

You're probably not because the fully there is an MCC, the ones who can really just like wander around and trust that something's going to happen are like that's one of the key things about being an MCC is being very comfortable with having no clue. backwards, but it's true. Right. But I think I think coming and staying curious solves a lot of this. Right? It's sort of like the reverse of a courtroom. Like I try not to ask a question that I don't that I know that I know the answer to as opposed to the courtroom, you're supposed to only ask questions you know the answer to Yeah, so I try to ask the questions that I have no clue about. Like those are going to be the exploring ones. Those are going to be the ones where they think of something different. So

it's always fun for me to when I ask a question that I not because I know the answer, but I just like, I do have a thought in mind. And it's so off base. I'm like, Whoa, that's awesome. Like,

don't you just go like, I'm so glad I didn't share my thoughts.

100% And sometimes I say that. Yeah, like I'm so glad that I just asked that question. cuz this is cool.

I like I've grown to like some of the closing times, but especially the outcome piece that, you know, what are you taking away from today? Because you think, you know, it seems obvious, here's this plan, we figured out or here's this action step or whatever. And you ask the question, and it's like, okay, they're up. Okay, cool. I'm glad you got that. Announcement. That yeah, that was a surprise. Yes.

I have a client right now who, who has a life experience so different? I think that's a really good, because I really have to be much more aware. So he's, he's male, he's Muslim. He's emigrated to Canada, you know, what, 12 He's been diagnosed, but he doesn't have the support from his family, because they don't, you know, you know, support diagnosis or medication, though. He's kind of pursuing that. So he's like being really, really brave and reaching out for help and support and talks about it. But I realized, like, I don't, you know, that is so different. You know, and he knows just that as well. He said, like, ideally, I would find an ADHD coach who was male and Muslim, but they, you know, came up with me instead, right, so, and we have like, a lovely report. But like, it's, it's really, I think, highlights for me like that, not knowing that piece. And but I also need to be that open with other clients who I might have a lot more in common with, for a child the same age as my kids. And I might think, well, but like, No, I don't know, right? Like, that situation is, is much more like, obvious to me, because of those, those differences. But that doesn't mean that I know any more about the other clients. So for me, and also, then I need to be really mindful of what I'm, like asking or sharing. And in terms of just letting him speak to his experience, and what like, what he feels comfortable to share about the challenges within that context. Right. So that's been, yeah, that's kind of the first not so much when in social work that I certainly worked with people from all different backgrounds and stuff. But this, this feels different than coaching. And yeah, it's that's, like, a good learning experience for me in terms of just that awareness and curiosity, but in a way that's also respecting, like, maybe some of the boundaries. Like, I'm not, it's not up to me to question, you know, like, some of you know, like, where his family's coming from, or, you know, whatever, right. It's, yeah. So. Yeah. So it's a, it's an interesting, that's a good experience.

Well, it's, I almost wonder if it's easier to stay curious in that situation, because the differences are so overt than in the situations where we're coaching ourselves more. Yeah, right. And we kind of have made those assumptions. I think that's where I'm extra careful. But it is like, you want to get that curiosity. So you can really get behind them. I have a PhD autistic highly gifted client right now. And she her thoughts about emotions, and what that means in her brain. And some of these things are, you know, 270, maybe, maybe 180, but more like 270 degrees from what a typical understanding is, or what my understanding is having studied stuff. And if I try to change her mind about that, first of all, I'm convincing. Second of all, she's out of here. Right? Like the first time I said, Okay, let's take with that premise. And given that, blah, blah, blah. She was like, because nobody's done that. But like, You got to be curious. And you got to ask those questions like Tonya saying in order to really get in those shoes. She's, she's really a brain twister for me. Like I work really hard to be in her place. Yeah, awesome. It's so fun. It's why I like these clients.

I bet Braxton is going to be that for you, too. When he ever finally reaches out?

Excellent. Well, this is. That's why I like my clients is because like, you know, their brains are so different. It's always like, Oh, what's this? I'm going to do? Anything else? who wish to start coaching?

I have a question about coaching. Should we wait till the end? No. Let's

do it now because we might run out. Okay.

I think I'm hoping it'll be quick. I have one client who's 10 years old. And his parents and I agree suspect autism, though they haven't pursued anything with it. He's so different, like you're saying than any, and I've been talking to Broxton about it for some guidance. Do you have any ins sight on what I can do to better serve him. What? Maybe any anything. Because it's I'm having a hard time when his Xbox was taken away because that is the thing he cares about. Then we made a little bit of progress. And now that he has it back. That is everything is fine. And there's no interest in having any conversations about anything else. And and not even. There's not very elaborate conversations about Xbox, right. Like I've told you what you need to know what what more do you need? Right? Super kind that like, I adore him. And I don't?

Yeah, do you have a couple minutes after our session that we could talk about that? Um, that's a good

phone call and, or I could switch to my phone because I'll be driving but yes, I'm totally fine. We

can we can jump on a phone call. Okay, cool. Thank you. Okay. Yeah, so great question. Great. That's challenging. No, Nope, wrong sheet. I switched to ADHD referrals, whereas like, oh, I had one more thing I was gonna tell you and I will put this in a the follow up email that I usually send every home in the US. There is a new credentialing video from the ICF that is all about the new credentialing, what the differences are what you know, like what you need to do, et cetera. I haven't watched it yet. It's about 10 nine or 10 minutes. So I just put it in the chat and I'll put it in the follow up email so that might be helpful to you. Okay, having said all that, coaches and clients so last time, Sondra and Bri coached so that means it's time Jenny and Tanya Europe Yeah, and I'm gonna switch you up again. Let's do Jenny and well you have to strip out Jenny and Sondra and then Tanya and Bree and who wants to go first.

I'm looking, I'm sorry. I don't care.

Well, the clients usually don't care coaches. Yeah, me

to pick I could go Yeah, can you pick

if you're gonna, you're going first. Okay. The less

the less like the less experience coaching the more experience so I think this is like a higher level of anxiety here because of course we have our, our very wonderfully talented coaches who have this wonderful presence online and everything. Don't worry. Sondra and Bri are like, sure, like lighting up the Facebook and Instagram and all this stuff. And

yeah, it's not true for free or Sondra, but you can be a crappy coach and be lighting up Instagram.

Yes, I know. I know, too. So

yes, I worked with those when I first started because I was naive. And it's up to

you got trained up perfectly reasonable, free to do you have a question or something you're gonna ask right

there. Virginie. Okay. Jamie, do you remember the second topic that I

had me coach you?

Well, the one that I didn't use? Um,

oh, because you want to use it today? Oh, um, I'll find it. I'll find this one. Did we do we did your marketing plan? Yeah, we're coaching. There was something about Instagram. Oh, all right. By the way, I might have it in my notes, but

also y'all just so you know. We're gonna need two coaches next time. So whoever wants to go twice? That would be great. I'm not gonna call on anybody. But don't make it like the coaching labs where I sit here in silence for a while. Very frustrating. All right, Jenny, Sandra, you guys ready? Sandra? We got a thing. Sure. Hopefully, I can. Spotlight you all. Oh, look at look at tinius logo on her thing. That's fancy. Cute. One can Jenny to and me off. I'm going to set the timer for like 18 minutes. Is that

okay? Yep. And you'll let me know.

Yes. You want a five minute warning or what would be helpful to you? Five minutes would be Greg. Okay. Don't freak out when it buzzes at 13 minutes then because I won't remember to give it to you unless I put it on the timer. That's okay.

All right. All right. I'm out. All right, hi, Sondra. How are you today?

Hi, I'm I'm all right. How are you?

I'm doing okay. What would you like to be coached on today?

Toffee toughy. I am I've got a few things. So I might dump and then pick out one that sounds Scott knew that I am frustrated with marketing, because I'm not getting 300 people asking for my services. So my expectations are super unrealistic. But also, business has been slower in terms of onboarding new people. And I intentionally wanted the summer to be slower yet I'm not happy with it. And also, I'm frustrated with, like, I came on the call saying, I've got some health things going on, like multiple different ones. And one of them might mean mean surgery. And I've got so many different appointments for different things that I need to go to get checked out. And I feel like I'm just frustrated with my body sort of in the way that I was frustrated when I first found out I had ADHD, it's like that. Why are you doing this to me? Why? And by you brain body? The whole

the whole gamut of things, because doctors, I've been sent to so many different doctors, and they're like, Have you considered this diagnosis? Have you considered that diagnosis? Oh, you have nothing? Oh, you might have something that's super serious. And I'm like, cheese leaves. Like it's enough. So I think I'm just, I'm probably more frustrated with what's going on with my health than I am with business stuff. But it the frustration is manifesting there too.

Okay, sounds like you have a lot going on. And that can be super exhausting. And frustrating. I totally understand that. After seeing all of those, which one is standing out as one you'd like to be coached on? Well, I

kind of came to it on my own as I was talking, realizing that the frustration is really with my health as opposed

to

with business stuff, because like I wanted the summer to be slower because I knew that I had to get some stuff checked and taken care of to find out like why I'm sick all the time. And so yeah. What's going on? Like my frustration with my own

health stuff, okay.

And what makes this important to you to figure this out and talk through it today? Well,

being frustrated is exhausting. I want to be more energetic for my kids. I mean, was it until like, this past weekend, so almost a week ago, for like two weeks, I was in an episode of Just dizziness, migraines, like I couldn't stand properly. So I was doing I was working with my feet up against the wall line up lying on the floor and think I have something called pots. I don't know if you know, that is, you know, yeah. And I see a cardiologist soon. And the neurologist tomorrow like, that's, there's pots, and then there's the gall bladder issues. And yeah, just the combination. And yeah, so it's, I was super tired from that. And then I felt better for a few days, and then all the cold stuff going around with my two kids ended up in my body to your question was, what do I want? I?

Well, why is it important to talk about through this today?

For him because I just I want to feel better so I can be more present for myself and for my husband and my kids.

Yeah. So what would be something that you'd like to take away from today's session?

I hate that question. And it's a tough

sorry. Um, I would like to take away how to accept my frustration as part of the process because I know it I'm just not feeling able to

do it. Can you tell me more about that? Yeah. So

I'm frustrated that I have to do all this stuff to figure out what's going on and And that every time I see my family doctor, he's like, Well, just to be safe, why don't we refer you to this specialist or for this test or for that test, and every test comes back so far with nothing. And I'm going, Okay, I have to take off like a full day's work or a full day of parenting, I have to rearrange someone to pick up my kids just to go for, like, I had to go for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. And those are like a full, the colonoscopy prep was like, Well, if you have to do it, eventually is terrible. But anyways, like, unhappy that the tests came back with nothing, but I have this persistent pain since January, that's landed me in the ER four times since January. Oh, wow. With like, one time not even being able to stand up straight and hardly breathing because it was so painful. And other times I had fever for five days. So they were like, oh, it's probably COVID. I'm like, I have no symptoms. It's my stomach. Yeah, and it's it's very frustrating, because I know there's something and I just want to know what it is, so I could treat it. I know that I have to go through lots of different tests and specialists to find it out. But it's like, I don't feel like I'm super sick. I mean, right now I have a cold, but I don't feel overall like I'm super sick. But I constantly feel low energy. I've always been a tinier person. I'm like barely five feet tall. And on the brink of 100 pounds most of the time. But for months, I've been so bloated, I look pregnant. And my mom said something to me. She's like, I know you haven't been feeling well. I know you're not pregnant, but like, what's going on? So I started telling her more. We live in different cities. So I don't always like pick up the phone, hey, boom, my stomach's hurting. It's and she was that now that she was like she noticed it in person. Because it's summer and she was here and I wasn't wearing anything like, bigger. I usually like I've been wearing big sweatshirts and things that just kind of cover it up. Because I don't like the questions of Oh, are you expecting? I'm like, no, no, just having a really bloated few months. But it's not like I have IBS. I have lactose intolerance, I get bloated, and then it goes away. But this just hasn't gone away. And I know, by the way, my body's reacting in different other ways that that this is an issue that needs to be taken care of. And I'm frustrated that the system yet again, is bouncing me around for many months, like we're going almost eight months now.

Yeah, after round, I can see how frustrating that is and how hard it must be to just not feel well and continue to not get answers. You said that you'd like to accept that the frustration is just part of the process. How will you know if we've gotten to that place by the end of our session?

When I could think about it and not feel that tightness. Like as I'm thinking about it, I breathe and I feel like my airways are tight. That kind of anxiety related to it. But if I could sort of feel it and think like, it's frustrating. And I can move through it. Okay, right now I feel like I'm stuck in this. I'm frustrated. And that's the end of it. And I think if I can feel like I'm frustrated, and it's part of my process, and I need to work through this frustration. I'll breathe easier. It's things that I know, but I'm not feeling. Does that make sense?

Yeah, no, it totally does. Can you think of a time in the past where

you've had something that you know? And you've worked through it to kind of make it actionable? What do you mean by that?

Sorry. Thank you. Sorry. Let me reframe so you said I, it's in my head. I know I should do it. Can you think of a time when you've been able to help yourself? Remember something like that? So many times

like that Positive check, which I come in threes post. I think it was breeze post, I deposited a check yesterday, thanks to that post where it's like I should do it. I know it's easy. But the check sits on my desk and I'm frustrated. And I'm like, I just need to pull up my phone and take a picture with the app. But what like, it's not, it's not a lot of steps. But for some reason, I get distracted by something else. And last, but yesterday, what prompted me was seeing something that didn't even explicitly say, Go deposit your check. It was just I can't remember what the post was. But it prompted me to remember Oh, yeah, I'm gonna do that right now. I know that's very different. But that was the first thing that came to mind because I saw the check in from me.

Okay, um

it's like, I shouldn't do something. And then what prom what got me to do it was completely, not completely but a relatively unrelated prompt.

When we want to take away the word should right? Leave. So you want to accept frustration as part of your life? What does acceptance mean? In this process,

it means that it's okay to be frustrated that I'm allowed to be frustrated. Yes. Frustration makes sense.

And how will you help yourself remember that it's okay.

There's a couple of things I do when I'm feeling stuck. And I think they would help here. One is I like to basically take whatever I'm saying negative and flip it into something that is useful and realistic. Okay. Not necessarily positive, because sometimes that could turn into toxic positivity. But like, if I hear my I flip it and then I use it sort of as a mantra, so in this case, it would be I'm frustrated that I feel this way. I'm allowed to be frustrated. It's part of it. And just like repeating that to myself. Like this is okay. And the other thing I like to do is Journal yesterday I was just feeling super stuck. I can't remember I remember on like, but anyways, I just started writing away and then I came to exactly what I hid them looking not exactly but I came to something that made me realize like, Oh, this is the underlying piece.

Okay, what are some other possibilities

for what again

kind of the acceptance to use the right okay, it's okay to be frustrated. And um

I want to say voicing it to the medical professionals, but I've been doing that all along and the only person it's getting me somewhere is with my general doctor, but a think and then he's doesn't have expertise in certain things. So he sends me to a specialist and then the specialists. I mean, the one I saw last week was an asshole. Like so bad. Probably the worst doctor I've seen in a long time. And my husband's a medical professional site. I almost feel bad saying it but he's like it's part of it. Like every profession has people who just shouldn't be there I also think scared almost scheduling in time for my body to rest when I know that I'll have that availability. Stay like I don't feel good and I shouldn't be pushing through to work full days pick up the kids cook dinner, do bath and bedtime take into their swimming lessons like it's the summer and I told myself that during summer I wouldn't see one to one clients so that I could have more time to take care of myself yet. I'm still feeling like I should be in my office from the time I dropped my kids off until I have to go pick them up. And the only thing I've been doing for self care, which is a big thing, and it's great as I go for acupuncture every week. But I think I need to actually grant myself time during the day other than going out to make a lunch and bring it back to my desk.

Hmm. You said you, you told yourself you were going to give yourself this time, but you keep going to your office and working? What's behind that.

I've always been an over worker, like have multiple jobs or had Yeah, I had multiple jobs before having kids. And then in Canada, I don't know where you are Jenny. But in Canada, we get 12 to 18 months for maternity leave. And on both my maternity leaves, I was like, I'm bored. And I tried to start a business both times. And, like, every one of my friends is like, why why the government is giving you the money that you was taken out of your paycheck, like you get unemployment, which is taken out of your paychecks and then paid back to you. Yeah, I've just always been like that. And I think taking that downtime feels like it's hard for my brain to stop my brain like I I have a hard time sitting on something unless I'm going to get hyper focused. Okay, so fastly something super interesting.

Yeah, we only have a couple of minutes. laughs Tracy gave me the five minutes a couple of minutes ago. So I talk a lot. I'm wondering, what are you going to take away from the session today? A lot, actually.

Oh, that part of accepting the frustration is reminding myself that I'm allowed to be frustrated. And also recognizing that I told myself this summer, I was going to take things slower and more easy. And I haven't been. And although I've noticed, and I haven't said it out loud. I said it out loud. So I'm like, wait a second. I'm actually going against what I told myself to do. And I told myself to do it for very good reason. So I'm going to look at that as I plan out my week, next week, where I'm going to actually block time off so that I can do that. Whatever it looks like whether it's like sitting in my backyard or going for a walk or just doing something

else else.

So with that new awareness of putting it into your schedule, how will you make sure you do that and continue with that thought. Um,

my, my mantra of, I'm allowed to be frustrated. It's okay, this is part of the process like this. I know myself and when I repeat those mantras. I submit to them. Awesome, please. So I know that now this is something that I'm going to continuously remind myself of and repeat.

Awesome. What other support do you need as you move forward?

I think I need to write this down for myself like even just those few phrases so that am reminded that I can say them.

Well, thank you for sharing all that with me. And I hope you find some peace with your health issues and find some answers soon. So you're feeling better.

Thank you.

Thank you for your time. Thank you. Okay, come back.

We're coming back. Coming coming the spotlighting.

All right. Thank you both. Nice work.

I'm

Tanya Bree Are you know what, what did you notice?

The things that I meant or write down one question I forgot forgotten. The things that stood out to me Jenny's presence is always very calming. So that's, that's always nice and it's very authentic, which typically makes me feel safe. I don't know what it was like for Sondra. But um, one of the questions I did remember to write down was what's behind every really like that question. And I can't remember the other one that really stood out to me, but when I remember it, I'll say

God, I thought you were really great at asking specific questions. Like they were very, you know, tight and, like, clear, and you went through the Tom's really well. Like, and it felt like quite kind of natural, you know, but you just sort of like, went through them and like kind of with ease. And some of those like awareness questions that you're asking. I wrote some down. Oh, what does acceptance mean, in this process? I like that one. And trying to you know, kind of have that deeper level for Sondra and what are some other possibilities? You know, it seemed like you're really staying curious with Sondra and what you know, is really challenging topic and slender. I'm so sorry to hear that. You're going through all of that. I certainly wouldn't know watching you, you know when you're on your lives and stuff, but that's a lot. Yeah.

I'm an expert. masker. Yeah. Good and bad.

Yeah. Thank you. Join me in a nap today. We can do instead of like, you know, like, focus me working side by side. We'll just have nap side by side.

I can't do daytime naps. Oh. My head is just like, oh, I need to do.

Jenny, what do you think? How do you feel about it?

I mean, I got through it. So I'm happy about that. Okay, easy. You can tell when I start to like spin with my question. Like the one that didn't land. Like that's my like, ah, you know, moment. And eventually I was able to just calm down. I've gotten better at just trying the smaller questions at times. I think Bree can attest to the stack sometimes. Or maybe I don't stack with up but I do my other clients. I know I do. But it's just so many thoughts all at once that like, I gotta say it all. I thought it

was really beautiful the way you handled that. The question that didn't land in Saunders like she said, Oh, what are what do you mean by that? Or whatever. And you responded so beautifully. You you were like, Oh, thank you like you were seems so calm. You're like, Oh, thanks for pointing that out. No, just say it this way. I thought you really manage that like with ease, almost like you kind of already were anticipating.

I talked a lot so my husband's I was like, I don't know what that means.

Well, I thought you handled it. I liked the way you said thank you. Like, really genuine and like you were Yeah, I thought that was nice for Sondra that seemed like that was nice for Sondra, like, you know, it was you're just like, oh, okay, Thanks for Thanks for pointing that out. And I'll say it this way this time and see. So I I noticed that I thought that you did that really nicely. Yeah.

I'm sorry. And this is part of knowing Jenny too, but I think you did a really good job at holding space for her to process. I will say personally that that that is growth for you. For sure. And you gave her time to like process things and think through things and you trusted your question, so I thought that was really good.

Sandra, please. How do you feel about it?

So I was thinking the whole time exactly what Bree said except I don't know Jenny and I haven't been coached by her before. I just felt like anyone who knows me knows that. I go off on tangents. And I could talk in circles and genuine you said your husband is always like, What are you talking about? Are these clarification mind as to? And I think part of why I asked you to rephrase the question. Are you like What do you mean? My that was because I was circling in my own head about what I was thinking it wasn't even whether your question was unclear or not, it was more that I was stuck in my own thoughts or not, I don't wanna say stop. But I was like circling in my own thoughts, kind of what I'm imagining is like, me literally walking as like 10 Different people circling? Yeah. I feel like you, you made me feel so comfortable to sort of not wait too long to say like, What do you mean by that? And also, you answered it with so much calming respect. So I felt really like I there was no point. I mean, first one use you were like, Hi, how are you? What do you want to coach on today? I was like,

yeah, no, I didn't. I didn't do that. Karen, like you have everything you need. And I, I apologize. I know, you're no,

no, no, no, that wasn't you. That was just me being like, I get awkward. I'm like that with everyone for the first time. But you made the transition within like, less than a minute, I felt comfortable to just pour it out. And it was a lot. It was heavy. Some of its pretty heavy. Like a, as I was talking, I was like, huh, this is actually really, like, it's not life threatening stuff. But it's stuff that is that could be if it's left, like on taken care of, or it's stuff that needs to be addressed. And I'm like, Yeah, some people would be really, I guess, engrossed in all of it. And I'm kind of like, put it on the backburner. Let me focus on stuff that's helpful. Like, I just want to work because I love what I do. But I also know that I need downtime. So I felt like you really held the space for me to explore that in a safe, comfortable, growth minded way.

Thank you. So I literally wrote down good job holding space. We're all in agreement on that. I thought you did a nice job with the info dump at the beginning. And it was helpful that Sandra told you I'm going to dump now. But then after her first sort of splat, you really empathize nicely, and moved on quickly to narrowing the question. So it was it was a very graceful, you know, narrowing. And you talked about you said frustrating a lot, which was her main word. So we got picking up on her word and using that for what's going on. And the question, I thought you did a great job of handling the question that needed to be asked again to you, you didn't seem to get flustered too much. You don't need to apologize. You said sorry, a few times. Just take it and be like, yeah, let me try again. Yeah, you didn't do anything wrong. It just wasn't misunderstood. Did you do, um, I'm speeding through. What does acceptance mean? Nice. Very nice. Like, let's get on the same page about what this is and also get Sondra to verbalize what it is so that she has in capsulize for herself. There was a point when she said frustration, I need frustration to make sense. And that's a thread I would pull because what she's saying is I need a feeling to comport with logic. And that that's not really gonna work out. So there was a thread to pull there. But what's that all about? But also you had 18 minutes. I know. So everything I'm about to say, I know you had 18 minutes. A couple of times things like, you know, how do you how do you remember? How are you gonna remember to do that? And you got one of them entre option? And then you said, Okay, what else, which is great to open it back up. But also, I think with a longer time period, feel free to take more time exploring what that looks like for her and how that's gonna happen and all of that. Yeah. I did a nice reflection and summary of of her going back to work like you've summarized that encapsulated in one. And I like re I like the what's behind that? Like, what's going on there? Yeah, that was a good thread poll. And you did the closing comps beautifully. So what everybody else said and also nice.

Thank you. I had a question though. You know, she really got into, like diving into and really tape talking about her feelings and stuff like that right at the get go. And sometimes they feel, I mean, I know I did it, okay. But sometimes my clients really get into talking and then I'm like, Tell me your outcome. And I feel like I'm almost interrupting the flow of what they're saying. And I know we're supposed to do it within the first 10 minutes, but how are you

supposed to do it when you need to get it done? I would suggest for your ICF recording, get it done in the first 10 minutes. I thought I thought actually and I'm going to try this. I thought moving from topic to significance And then to outcome and measurement made a lot of sense. In the big picture and the big picture is, is that significant thing of like, why does this matter? And then you can narrow it into outcome measurement work. Yep.

It made more sense to me. That's why I flipped it. Yeah, I like that. I'm gonna I'm gonna try that. Cool. Thank you.

Well done. Yeah. Thank you. All right, here we go. So pretty quick. Except good coaching. Do so we got three and Tanya. Spotlight you Tony, do you need timer help? Are you got it?

Oh, I'm so I should set it. I have a timer. I have my time. Timer. 18 minutes.

18 was up. Yeah. We'll do quick wrap up. All right,

whenever you're ready, ladies, got it. Set.

Hi. Oh, hi. Sorry.

One second. I've got those guys over your face. Okay, here we go. I was like, I can't see what's going on here. Okay. Oh, hi, Bree. Nice to see. How are you? Good. Um, what would you like to be coached on today?

Um, I have two thoughts in my brain, but I think physical health. So I've been, I've put a lot of emphasis on my mental health for a long time, but specifically the last few months. And I've almost completely neglected my physical health. And I'm ready to get back on track, but just kind of stuck. Yeah. Okay.

Well, can you tell me a little bit more about how this is important to you right now?

Yeah, um, summer is typically the time of year I used to teach Outdoor School and historically, spent a lot of time outside year round. Summers, I have a lot of friends that are available. So a lot of kayaking, mountain biking, backpacking, all the things. And the past couple of years I've done next to nothing like a couple of annual trips. And that's really it. And it directly relates to my mental health. Probably part of the reason I've had to put emphasis on my mental health is because I haven't been outside like I used to be. And it I am suffering as a result that words are really dramatic. But both my physical and mental health have suffered as a result of me getting away from the the one tool that I know serves me in every aspect of my life. And especially with my daughter going to college and the business growing as quickly as it is. It's it's becoming both more necessary and harder to prioritize time away to do those things.

Yes, yeah, I hear you saying how important it is to you. So it's so interesting to hear about your background and outdoor exercise. So really sounds like it's a place that held a lot of health, but meaning for you as well. Yeah, and you're missing that now? Where would you like to start?

Oh, I hate this question. Um, I think considering trying to nail down what's first, what, what does start even look like? Because I have all these tools. I teach courses on creating new habits and re establishing habits. Intellectually, I know all the things. And for some reason around this, I just can't seem to find my starting point. I can't find my what I call it as a two gallon version to begin the habit. So maybe identifying where to start.

Okay. Is that what you'd like to get out of today's session?

Yeah, I think a starting point. Either I think one of two things would serve me either a starting point, or a better understanding of the barrier. Okay. And what would you like to focus on first? Um, I think a starting point, because I think if the barriers have been up here,

it's just gonna go up here. Okay. Well, in the past, what got you started, what got you motivated to get outside and exercise and be in nature,

external forces always. So it was my job. So when I worked at REI for almost a decade, I was even before I was teaching Outdoor School or overseeing the program, I was surrounded by people who both love to do those things. And we're on similar schedules because we work retail together. So our availability to go outside and play was similar. And there was always always someone looking for someone to go outside with. Right Okay, so there was always that someone else saying like, Hey, does somebody want to go, we're doing a ride or doing a hike or doing a client, whatever. So there was all there were always external forces at play to get me started at least right?

Yes. Okay. And and that's lacking right now in your life. That kind of.

Yeah. Exactly, exactly. So not only has my availability shifted in some ways, that doesn't have to be true, that's a completely different can of worms. But also, the people that I've historically played outside with, are either still working in retail, so their schedule is pretty different than mine, or the folks who were on similar schedules have moved away.

Okay. So that built in support system that you had going on vacation is all gone. Yeah. Have you thought of some different ways you'd like to reestablish? Or what it looks like in your current life? Yeah.

Yeah, I've actually been poached on this before. It's something that I've worked on a few times, which is making me wonder if there's something more there. I think part of it is this idea. Because it's a vicious cycle, I've gained some weight, which means I'm more out of shape. So I know that I'm starting back at zero. And it's been, I'm in the worst physical shape of my adult life right now. So all of the things that I love, just seem hard right now. So it's not like, this is going to be such a beautiful, wonderful hike, it's going to be like, flop, that's gonna be hard, because I know how out of shape, but I am, right. And so talk a little bit about joining a meetup group or looking for some service opportunities. I've even joined the local Rotary Club, the old white man club, and looking for community and trying to like, start to get plugged back into that. But for whatever reason, it kind of comes down to time too. It's like, oh, it takes too long to get whatever to the trail, or there's all kinds of like Swimmy thoughts, which is why I'm like, I just have to find point zero, like, what is ground zero? What does baby step look like?

Yes. And what do you think it looks like? I

don't fucking know. I was exploring this idea of like walking in my neighborhood that's outside, right. And that's what I'm targeting. It is not, that is not true. That is not accurate. Being outside in my neighborhood does not count as being outside. That is digits does not. So that is no longer step one, that's what I originally thought was going to be step one, so that is not step one. So maybe it would be helpful to explore what does count as outside? Actually? What is the answer? Trying to go ahead,

no, no, I was gonna, that's okay. You go ahead.

Being in a space, surrounded by nature. So not near buildings or homes, I don't have to be super removed from things. It can be like I could be in the middle of a neighborhood if I was surrounded by six trees, that would feel like it counts, right? And the closer to water I get the better. So I've gone a couple of times to my father in law's pool, for example. But and it's wonderful. It's certainly close. But there's cars constantly passing by and there's still like, all of the things. It's like, no, I need to be on a river right now. Or in a boat. Like that is where I find peace. And that's the part that I think like, Okay, so we're getting somewhere starting there. I think the physical health pieces not like so I have I have them stuck together as it has to be movement outside. That's how you mentioned

that it would have to be hard, but I'm wondering, right, it has to be hard.

Yeah, like those two things don't have to go together. Maybe step one is just like I can drive to Paris mountain and just sit on a bench like or just sit on the ground that that's fine. Or somewhere else I need to find. I need to find access to water. That's closer right now the my go to places is another piece of my go to places I work in Asheville which is about an hour and a half from me. But it's beautiful hiking. I mean just incredible. Like it's a beautiful space for outdoor lovers. So I was had time built in multiple times a week to be there. So I would always give up or after work, and being in this beautiful space. And even the places nearby. There's a couple of parks that are not far. But again, they don't count. So I need to see if I can identify something closer that I would consider that counts, right? Because all of my go to places are

far. Okay. Yes. And that could be a barrier for sure. So I hear you saying that you really want to be immersed in nature, that that's important for you that you're looking to find a place nearby that would fit in with your schedule and into your current life. What else would you need in order to make that happen? Even if you found if you found the place, what would you need to make that next step?

willingness to step away from work? Because it consumes me right now? Yeah. What do you need for that? I don't know. I don't know if the answer is just make it happen. And look how it works. Or, if the beginning is take your notebook with you. And if work comes up, work there that done that there's a river in our downtown area, that's about 20 minutes away now, before it got to miserably hot, took my stuff and just worked. By the way, this isn't a big park. So there's a bunch of people that took my stuff and worked by a river like I genuinely am happiest Wildwater, like 100% of the time. So maybe it looks like taking a notebook and pen. So that if I choose to work, then I can you know. Maybe it's sad. And I think I probably need to this is a whole different conversation to but need to find someone that I can schedule outside activities with again.

Yeah. Sure. Do you have an idea of who that might be?

Zero? No, it's I'm in such a unique place. So I'm 36 and going to be an empty nester. And so that's so that doesn't fit anywhere, right with my peers. So the women who are in a similar position to me in terms of empty nesting are 15 years older than me in a lot of cases, right. And so, not that that matters. I mean, I have great relationships, but it's just different. And so people who are in similar places in their lives, in terms of business and social life have young kids, so they don't have the availability. So it's just this weird, like Limbo right now in terms of community.

For sure. Um, I'm wondering if there's anything in a professional sort of capacity that might be support for you.

I'm in a ton of networking groups. And I've made some incredible connections that way, if that's maybe what you're referring to, and I love it. But it just kind of it tent right now, my business is so public, that it's hard for me to and um, don't get me wrong, I freaking love every second of it. I love talking about it, I love being in it. And also, it's such a foreign concept to so many people that everybody wants to frickin talk about it.

piece you're looking for exactly.

Someone who doesn't exist on Instagram, who wouldn't understand the impact or not care about it or isn't fascinated by the internet. And again, I love all that, like I'm not saying it yet. But someone who like crazy hippie that just wants to be barefoot outside to bring me along and also knowing that they're compassionate, like so it's so interesting, because the person that I want to be outside with is the person I was outside five years ago. So I want someone who's like they know, they know their way around whatever modality right like the boat, the climbs or whatever. But also I'm going to be so far behind that they need to be super compassionate and patient, because I'm hiking my own hike right now. Like I'm slow. I'm short. And that's something I've had to come to terms with historically, it's like it doesn't count if I'm not doing something huge. And I've gotten over that, that truly doesn't impact me anymore. But but the person like that I need to be around is still there but just from a mental space, right it's it's right now my because my mental health and physical health are so disconnected. And I hope this doesn't sound bad but a lot of the people who are in the physical health that I'm in right now. Their mental health matches that.

And that pulls me down. That's very draining for me. So that's an interesting awareness. I hadn't considered that. And that's just an odd disconnect. And like dichotomy that's like, Okay,

I need you to come hike with me and be an evolved human with me, but also do it really slowly.

And I hear you saying that you're looking to, as you said, evolve, you're looking to move forward and to move back to some enjoyment of nature and feeling of peace and and also that feeling some of those things you've experienced in the past. And so for sure, yeah. Being with someone who can match that is so important. You're, you're looking for a break from work. I need to be stretched. Yeah. And not feeling like maybe you need to do the work with someone else.

Yes, exactly. Yes. Exactly. That,

yeah. I don't want

to coach on our Hi.

Thank you. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. We just have a few minutes left, I'm just wondering. What would you like to take away? You know, at this point from the from the session, is there anything that standing out for yours?

Yeah, there's, there's two things that really stand out. The first is this idea of, of teasing apart movement and being outside. So laying in the river, is what I'm looking for, right? Like just just being there. So I think that's step one. So that's the starting point. And that feels good to know that and have some action around that and find somewhere close or whatever that looks like, and maybe I'll set a target, I don't use the word goal, I hate it. Maybe I will set a target of, I don't know, twice a month to go to somewhere, um, the summer is going to be over. And I'm gonna be so pissed at myself that I haven't been on the river farm. So that and then the other piece of like, being more clear on who I'm looking for. And why I've been hesitant around like, who I invite outside or asked to invite me outside. Right. So that's, that's a great awareness. That's helpful.

And I'm also wondering, too, if maybe some of this is a little bit of reflecting on who, who you were then and missing some of that?

Oh, for sure. That's a big piece of there's a lot of work that I do. And Rei Bri is a persona that I regularly use as a filter for making choices for sure. Yeah, getting back to the good parts of her. Yeah, for sure.

And I'm wondering about, yeah, what that would look like to incorporate her into your current? Coach preed. Yeah,

a lot of that is, she's there for sure.

Yeah. Yeah, I hear I hear her really strong. Really strongly. And I really hear like, you really reflect on the importance of that, and, and that it's still there, that that importance is still there, you know, it's just sort of coming back to it. And just on another note, I know you, I heard your I think when you did on Instagram around why you named your business current. And so about that water and the river and you know, like that important still going. Yeah, yeah. So powerful for you and part of your, your, your business, but it's just getting back into the physical part. Yeah.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, it's really beautiful. I think you have like a I feels like a really beautiful vision. And you're gonna be getting there very shortly. Sorry, that was my

thank you so much. That was really helpful. Right?

I'm sorry, it's 130. If you have to run away, you have to run away. I will keep the recording on. So I know where you said you have to run away. Do you want to give your feedback first? Real quick? Well, but I'll hop on

Zoom because I want to Okay, that's great. Um, I that was super helpful for me, I struggle far harder being the client than I do coaching. Like it's way harder for me. And specifically, this is something that I have been coached on before and hadn't really gotten anywhere. So I think I came at it from a different angle and her questions were great to like, unlock some just new awarenesses which is wonderful. I didn't know there was anything knew to learn about it. I knew there had to be because I wasn't taking action, but I wasn't confident. So that was helpful. Awesome.

Yeah, Sandra, Jenny, what do you notice

at the same time

I like to have Tonya said she really connected at the beginning. And I liked when she said the it held a lot of health but meaning to you. So reflecting on what she enjoyed hiking and like the importance of it in her life. And she clarified her words and reflected a lot. And she really got somewhere where when she asked, what else do you need? And she said willingness to step away from work. And I really liked when we kind of realize that there thought that was really important. And when she said, What do you think it looks like? It's also a really good question. So thanks, John. I also did notice that Bree said they don't count a lot. And I would have pulled on that because you've said several times.

Yeah, that's an interesting space. Thanks Jenny Sondra.

So along same lines of they don't count. I noticed Bree coached herself at one point Tonya was holding space to let Bree continue talking and freeze like this doesn't campus doesn't. Well, maybe I should explore what does count. And I had literally written down the question what counts as being outside and then crossed it out? Because pre asked it to ourselves. So I thought that the way Tonya reacted, it was like, she was like, okay, good. This is she went with it, I found that she really held that space. And now I've known Tanya and I've seen her coach before. And I think that I've I see a huge difference in the way you're coaching in a very good way. The questions are more open ended. There's not like I think in the beginning, I remember noticing that there were some assumptions when you were coaching, like minor stuff, but like, oh, yeah, okay, I get that. Yeah, I have that too. I do the same thing sometimes. But there was none of that. And I found that really great. And the way you kind of summed up at the end, like your the name of her business has the word current in it. And that associates with water. And I love that you picked up on that. Because I've seen her name, probably 100 times and I'm like current like now, like as in this day today. I think of it in such like that, that sense. And so I found that really beautiful that you picked up on how her personal and professional lives are really connected. which highlights the importance of her doing these outdoor things near water on water.

Tanya, how do you feel? Oh, well,

I did. Yeah, I did feel like a little bit like free. Yeah, I was holding space. She was like coaching yourself a little bit through that but but also that's okay too because that's just the space to sometimes we just in that space then we can work through those thoughts and feelings. Right so I didn't feel like I was in competition to like culture if she was watching herself but then some I just had to kind of watch the timing around when I would ask something because I especially on Zoom, I find that sometimes tricky, right? Like you're thinking there's a pause but it's just like they're so and I know I miss them. I mixed up the times I've never really mastered the Tom's in a sequential way. So when you didn't Jenny I'm like, Oh my God, that's so good. I just can't I just still I'm not there for the times. And yeah, I think I feel like there was a connection with Bree and that I you know, like understood and and I did a lot of reflection. That's what I think because she was coming up with a lot of the ideas on her own. The whole thing about the like neighborhood and like that doesn't count. I did like absolutely notice that And then she went into. And so I was sort of felt like that would I could have addressed that. But I wondered if that was the like, going back into what's not working, rather than where she is wanting to go, you know, sort of like, if you tried it and it didn't work, then I'll just honor that that was your experience, you know, if that was maybe like an a longer term, you know, like, then kind of looking back at what, what didn't work about that. In that moment, and with this time, I kind of made a decision not to go there to sort of go into what she was looking she wanted to do. So that felt helpful. Was that that was helpful. Oh, okay. Yeah. You didn't want to go back to what wasn't working? Yeah. And, yeah, no, no.

Great. Yeah, I agree with what was already been said, obviously, because you all do a great job of critiquing each other and supporting each other. There was a question. You did? You did? Okay. With the with the toms? Don't they don't have to be an order. Just get the information? Yeah. I think the outcome measurement was you ask the questions, but it was a little fuzzy. But I think yeah, I think you know, that. Near the beginning, you asked the question, have you thought of, and you kind of trailed off and Bri kind of, like, finished the question for you. And I'm not sure you knew what you were wanting to ask when you started that question. So it takes an extra breath, to decide the question before you start. Start saying it right. We've all been in that pot, though. Like I that's usually when I get asked to say it again, because I've set a question as I'm working it out. And then people like, like, yeah, let me try again. Yeah. What do you think could you could it could look like was a great, great question, great maneuver. I think you did a good job of holding space, especially knowing you and that, you know, a challenge for you. I think there are a couple places where you jumped a little too soon, while she was still working. Processing. Yeah, I felt like when I'm near the end of an engagement with a with a person. And they're going through all the questions that I would ask. And I'm just let them run and then ask the ones they didn't ask at the end. So but you know, you're like, I'm supposed to be coaching here. I love that. What would you need question? That was great. I like that a lot. I think you reflected. So I think she probably could have used a little more reflection from like, the 10,000 foot view, how all these things are connecting. Right? You did a great job of following her on the ground. And, but also like, stringing together, what is she saying? What's the theme in there? I liked the current at the end as well. There was a little bit couple times near the end, you said I'm wondering if and I think that there are coaches who use this, but to me, it sounds like a suggestion sort of wrapped in a question. I wonder if you've tried. I wonder if you did this, but really you're just putting your idea out there. So either be clear about that. It's your suggestion, or question? Yeah.

Yeah. And I think that too, is coming from some of the work with the younger kids and the kids with autism, where they've had to shift the language into more declarative language, rather than the coaching, questioning. And so it's a little bit like, oh,

yeah, what am I doing in this situation?

Yeah, yeah, we're like, where I'm like, having to shift there. Because if I if I asked some, when I asked like, more of the coaching questions, there's, they're not able

to open for that population.

It doesn't work. Yeah. And so then I'm sort of like, yeah, so I think that's where it is, but that's where I have to be mindful of like, why? Who am I working with and what what language I need to use? And then I'm just gonna say when asked what the professionals I actually was thinking of, but it wasn't clear so that was a good lesson for me and Bree answered and I thought with a lot of insight into why she didn't want because it provides some clarity to but why she didn't want you know, other sort of professionals within the field to spend time with my thought was more about like hiring someone to win I said professional, I meant like, Have you looked into you know, maybe looking into to hiring someone to support for getting out like, you know, personnel, you know, like

like a trainer, trainer, personal

trainer kind of thing and so but I thought actually bring the way you interpreted it was really meaningful. Because that like so clarified for you, what you who you don't want that person to be right and That's so important for you to have that safe space and not have it be about work and not have it be about everything. So, yeah.

All right. Yeah. So, so nice worked on you overall, nice work. Yeah, I think remembering who your coachee is probably for you, because you have these different populations probably going to be a key thing. I know we are 11 minutes over, I'm sorry that I'm a crummy time manager, I will try to do a better job next time. I like hearing how y'all are doing so we got to cut that down in the beginning. Very nice work today. Thank you very much. I will send you a follow up message when I've got the recording and the audio transcript posted and all of that kind of stuff with the link that I put in the chat already to the credentialing thing. If you need anything, if you have any questions, you know, or find me briefly, we're going to stick on and you can ask me the question about your kiddo. Is that okay? Yeah, that'd be great. Okay. All right, y'all. Hi. Thank you. Yes.

So I'm just considering signing a

story. Yeah. I want to start I just went on to that form. I just went, but I think it'll stay out. Even if I go off the zoom. Sorry.

No worries. If you don't have it, just let me know.

Okay. All right, lady. Not looking at you because I'm holding the phone now. Can you hear me?

Yes, please don't look at me. Look at the road. Tracy. Yeah, can you hear me?

No, no, I'm holding the phone because I don't have my headphones. Yeah,

that's totally fine. Please don't look at me because you're driving.

Alright. So I'm open to any insight something out of these sessions?

Let me think. So what's the objective? What are you trying to make happen?

You know, it's interesting, the biggest challenge is emotional regulation. Hmm. But, and that's voiced by him and his mom. Okay. But she's also you know, wants to work on confidence and some different things. And I've, I have another little boy, that's almost exactly the same age. And we've had incredible success. Okay. So just a lot of, and, and the same techniques of, you know, letting truly like letting him guide it. Like, with him, there's a lot of baseball talk and nuggets pop out, as we're hanging upside down on the swing set talking about baseball, right? Information need to help create the change he's looking for. That's just not happening with. And it's very, I was literally talking to Braxton about this last night. And he was just laughing because he was like, what more do you need him to say? Because it's just so transactional, you know? And when there's not a clear objective for him, like get my ex Xbox back, then it's like, what are we doing? And he's super kind and he's very patient. And he hangs out with me, and we play with fidgets and life is good. But I just feel like, like, I'm not giving this kid what he needs.

Okay. So first of all, I'm very much at some point looking forward to meeting your hubs because he sounds really fun.

Yeah, so the kids know.

So here's here are the thoughts that are coming to mind. Like with the other kid that you're working with baseballs his thing? What is this kid's

thing? X Box and football. Okay,

so engage around the things that are his thing? Because I bet he knows so much about both of those things, right? Yeah, I try. So what's it look like?

I'm sorry, say that again?

So what's that look like? When you try

some of the questions that I've asked I've, I've tried to get to directions. I've tried specific questions like, Oh, you've told me about this character in this game. Tell me what you like about this character? What are what are his powers? What does he do? Why do you like these games? Some of those types of questions and it's like one or two one word answers cool out. My friend likes this game, that kind of thing. And so I try to like dig in and dig in and he's like, nothing else. And then I've tried the opposite angle and I'm like, what what would you like me to know about Xbox or what would be what would you like to tell me what what feels exciting? What like really broad so just feel kind of stuck.

And the broad question goes nowhere. Nowhere. Okay. Um, you said he want he wants to deal with the emotional self regulation part two. Tell me about that.

Yeah, he at the beginning, we talked about it like, when he gets really angry, it makes him sad. And when he annoys his friends, and we've talked about that a little bit, and he wants to be nicer at home, and he's very money motivated for Xbox. And so it's so interesting for me, it's like, he, he will set objectives for himself set targets, I want to make as much money, I want to get my Xbox back or whatever. And his behavior will be exactly what he's determined it needs to be to earn those things. Okay. And so I've tried to, like explore, like, oh, what made it possible for you to maybe control your anger in those moments, right, like, and it just hasn't. We just haven't gotten anywhere. This I've done some worksheets, I print some worksheets to see if maybe that would help. And this week, tomorrow will be our first time meeting since we've I sent one home with him. It's called a llama meter. And it's about like, just recognizing how you felt on different days. So we're going to explore that a little bit, but I just didn't know if maybe there's language or something that you've noticed in terms of because I am so expressive, and so emotive. And so I'm not sure how to show up for him, I think is what it comes down to.

Okay, so here are some thoughts that may or may not be applicable, you can throw, you know, call me to bizarre. And also remember, I don't work with kids very often, for exactly this reason, because because it's hard, because I don't know what to do with you. If you're not self aware yet. I just don't know. So, what is what is sticking in my mind about autism for this kid is the black and whiteness of things.

Of Right, right? Yep. And

you engage the other kid around baseball. What about playing Xbox with this kid? Like playing?

Oh, that's a thought.

And as you're playing, that's

a great song

you're talking?

Mm hmm. I hadn't considered that. I think that's a great idea. And I think his mom would be open to that. Okay.

That's the thought. He wants to do the most he wants to, you know, have kids be nicer to kids be nicer at home? How much does he want that enough to change his behavior? It doesn't sound like it? Well,

it really seems to and like I said he's capable of changing his behavior when the when the MS. Right. But I think what I've noticed is that if he's had a calm week, coaching, it's harder. Right? Right. Because of recency bias, everything's fine. As opposed to I think the weeks that we have had breakthroughs, like I said is so when he didn't have his ex Xbox is because he had been basically had such a hard time turning it off, right, the transitioning away from it, and he couldn't control his emotions. And so it was easier for us to talk them because it felt like there was something to talk about, is the perception I got from him. Got it.

Right, he's very present focused. Exactly. Yep. The question then is, how can you create? Mm hmm. Right? How can you create that same feeling? Mm hmm. Without the external circumstances, necessarily. Right? Or how can you work with mom to create the external circumstances of you know, this is adversely affecting him? So therefore, who want to change?

Ah, yeah, that's actually really interesting, because one of the things I think it's making it challenging right now is that his limits on Xbox haven't been as strict because it's summertime. Yeah. So he hasn't had the need for practicing emotional control. When it's time to turn it off. He's been able to turn it off on his terms.

Wondering if for the x box instead of having a privilege taken away? What if he's earning his minutes on the x box?

Mm hmm.

Do you know what I mean? Punitive it's it's more positive reinforcer. Right? Which I know is gonna be it would be tough partly because it's already been in this way. And also because I'm sure the parents kind of breathed a sigh of relief when he's on the Xbox for a little while. Yeah. So for sure. I know those might be barriers but

that's a thought. Well, they're very open so his mom that I actually know her from way back which is the only reason I took him as a client because I just I don't I'm not crazy about working with kids but I've had a couple of good experiences and she says like one of her biggest struggles is she believes she has undiagnosed ADHD as well. He he hasn't diagnose but, and she says I just struggled to, to regulate myself. So it makes it very hard for me to help him regulate. Yeah. So that's those are really helpful ideas, especially love the idea of maybe playing Xbox with them and then pitching this idea of earning the minutes. I think that could be really valuable over the school year. That's helpful.

The other thing that's a basic but so you may have already done it is print out of feelings. We'll you know, have you seen those?

Yeah, we have done that. Actually. We've done a couple of different like naming your emotions. Yes.

Okay, good. Yeah. Okay. Well, good. I'm glad I'm glad I could be helpful. I wasn't sure it could be so cool. Yeah, for

sure. Okay, I will be in touch Braxton is gonna reach out to you eventually. But you know how it goes. We have ADHD,

you know where to find me when he's ready before. Anyway, totally cool.

Exactly. All right. All right. Thanks, Tracy.

I'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye.