Here's why I decided to let go of these journals. The idea first came from Courtney Carver. Her Instagram is at be more with less, one of the original minimalists, I would also say she shared two key reasons she doesn't keep her journals. One was that the weight of the words, even though they were out of her mind, they still felt heavy. She had already thought about, written about, and processed her experiences. She didn't need to relive them. Two journals are for you, not for anyone else. She didn't want her journals left behind for someone else to sort through after she was gone, she removed that decision from her loved ones by getting rid of the journals. And that hit home. My journals were taking up space, physically and mentally. I do love to write. I find that writing is very powerful. It helps us process emotions, understand patterns and heal from them. But here's the catch. Research also shows that if we constantly relive our struggles by rereading or rewriting them, or even like hashing it out over and over and over again, working with somebody who is a professional therapist, obviously can make a difference, but we can actually keep ourselves stuck, because the brain doesn't always know the difference between memory and present experience. So when you're reading or reliving these past experiences, they can bring up all of these same emotions and those struggles that you've had and keep you stuck. So I started wondering, were my old journals helping me move forward, or were they holding me in the past? One of my big concerns for shredding a journal, getting rid of it was that, what if there's something good in there that I I want to access one day, or I want to be recognized for one day? This was my biggest hesitation. What if I lose something important, a great idea, a goal I still wanted to achieve, to be some weird invention, but the truth, if something is really important, it doesn't stay buried in an old notebook. It keeps showing up again and again until you do something about it. That's how it was for me. Going through my journals, I noticed the same goals and frustrations repeating year after year, and that realization made things very clear. My Next Steps Toward a better life were becoming glaringly obvious, and if something was so important to me, Why hadn't I done something about it already, and if I wasn't willing to take action, maybe it was time to let that goal go. The biggest lesson my journals taught me, one of the most eye opening moments came from rereading my journal entries through the pandemic. It's very fitting that we are in March 2025 when I'm. Recording this that if we look back five years, we all know what was going on in the world in March of 2020, so I think this is pretty cool, that this episode just kind of aligns with this timing. So in my journals during the pandemic as a massage therapist in Ontario, Canada, we were not working for about three months. Most of the population was the same, and for those three months, I was I was home like everybody else. I was able to teach Pilates virtually, because I'm a Pilates instructor. I was teaching pre pandemic in person. We moved to online. So in my journals, things kept coming up when I reflected back on them, I kept writing things like this. Can I create my schedule to look more like this when we return? I love having no agenda. Maybe I should go back to massage less. So I've got some examples here from my actual journal, so I ripped out some pages and then shred the rest. And these will definitely get shredded. But when you're looking back on your journals, you're looking for those repeating patterns, which I think it's a key piece of the Julia Cameron's morning pages method. So when I looked back some of the things that I write was writing as well. If I'm sharing like in real time. Now, maybe I will go back less to massage. I'm loving my time off. I love that I have all day to do my things. I'm enjoying these days with my own agenda. There's that word like no agenda, own agenda. Again, I would like to work less, to have more days off to myself a latte morning. I said latte morning a lot. I guess I love my slow morning coffee, which I do? I do love. But I guess that really became more prominent back in 2020 I love having an open day, free time to do as I want. I still have to dos, but it's on my schedule freedom came up a lot. What do I want my life to look like now? So of course, we were in the middle of the pandemic, and I think a lot of us did realize, and I realized I'm speaking from a place of privilege, but I think a lot of us did realize that maybe the way that we were doing things before as massage therapists and busy practices was not ideal. You know, it also kind of brought to light, you know, when we go to work sick, what does that mean for us and for our clients, for the clinic, for for everybody? I think that really brought it up for me. And then I will also be honest that when we were allowed to go back to work as registered massage therapists were considered essential. I was grateful that we could go back to work, but I wasn't excited, and I knew that I had to make some changes if I was going to be excited about going back to work again. So essentially, at the time, I didn't even realize how much I craved freedom. But now looking back, I can see it so clearly. Just before the pandemic, I was commuting 40 minutes to teach Pilates in the morning, and then I was working at align beach wood in the late afternoon and evenings. I was fantasizing about a month off. I was exhausted, absolutely exhausted, but I was at the point that I just didn't know what to change, how to change it, you know? I just did not, I don't, didn't know what to let go of in order to to rest. I was just wanted a month off. Well, you know what they say, Be careful what you wish for. The pandemic forced a reset, and it gave me space to question, what does a sustainable massage therapy practice and a fulfilling life actually look like? For me, that realization has helped shape the decisions I've made since they're not all perfect, and some I'm still working on five years later, but I keep that value of freedom top of mind, that that is very important to me. So I stopped commuting 40 minutes to teach Pilates because I could continue teaching online, and those who wanted to go back in person were able to do so elsewhere. Another theme that repeatedly showed up in my journals with self doubt. Since 2019 I've been writing about my fears around this podcast, things like, no one will listen. No one will want to be a guest. Who am I to have a podcast? Why would anyone care what I have to say? And yet, I kept showing up, I kept recording episodes, I kept inviting guests, and here we are, 2025 and I'm still doing this podcast. I still get so nervous before recording with a guest that I hope they cancel, and then obviously I'm glad that they don't, but I get so nervous. It's just that it would just be easier if they just cancel, because I get so worked up about the episode. I want it to be good. I want them to feel like I'm respecting their time, and that it's going to be a valuable episode for them, that they can share with you know, their clients, their audience, and that they will get something out of it, more than I will get out of it.