Pride Week! Day 4: Double Bi Revelations with Hope and Eric

9:11PM Jun 17, 2022

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knowing

depth

If you've been listening all week, thank you, you know, we are celebrating Pride Month by Re releasing a few of our favourite queer stories. Today is our fourth and final day and this one is worth waiting for.

Do you remember the story of hope and eric? This pair has been through a lot. And I've learned to love and grow together through it all, including discovering that they are both by what better way to celebrate Pride than telling the story of courage, trust and a whole lot of love. I'm in love with you I'm in love with you,

Alicia. I have a question about change. The evolution not the spare money in your pocket?

It sounds Yeah, sure. Now,

as you know, as we've talked about, I met my husband in high school. And we're in our mid 40s. Now and we've we've sort of grown up together, we figured out how to be adults and How To Adult together at the same time, which was a lot considering how very different our perspectives were when we started. But you know, we go along together pretty well. It's been 2120 21 years, almost 22 Oh, my gosh, marriage, I know will be 22 years in a while. But I have a question for you. In terms of change, I know that you and Kai have been together for a little over two years now.

It is exactly two years.

What have some of the changes been for you?

I mean, it was weird to navigate the world changing when you're just getting to know somebody because you kind of have to decide very quickly like, okay, especially in terms of the pandemic, do I really want to see this person? Yeah, like you want? You know, do I really want to isolate with this person? Because that's essentially what you have to do. You have to bubble with them. And then everything changed around us and people changed around us and circumstances change. My best friend moved away. We were pretty close, you know, geographically. And that was a little hard. And, and yeah, it was just it was a lot to navigate all at once within, packed into those two years, I would say we had about a decade worth of changes. I joke about this because the only movie we saw together in a theatre before the world shutdown was Sonic the Hedgehog. And I remember and he's very happy about this, but I am not. Because I I remember standing in front of that movie theatre and I think knives out was playing or something like that. I was like, Maybe we should go to knives out and we were both like, oh, we'll just go next time. And then there wasn't time and so that's the example I use. So you know what if you want to do something we should have gone to like a double feature that night. We have seen them both. I am so amused. Wow. It was really cute though because I'm glad I saw it with him because he was like He loved it so much because he's really big into video games and animated stuff and and it was actually one of the one of the cute things was beforehand he was he asked me like what what snacks do you like and so I said Oh, I like those peach gummies and so in the middle of the movie theatre he like reaches into his pocket and pulled out a little contraband bag each company's

That's adorable. Yes. And

something good came out of it even if I had to, even if the only movie.

Well, speaking

of truly knowing someone peach gummies Sonic the Hedgehog at all. I am very excited for us to talk to our guests today. Hope and Eric know all about what it means to go through great personal changes even bigger than Sonic the Hedgehog. Bigger than that hope James is an actor and writer and an active volunteer for the Trevor Project, a crisis support organisation supporting LGBTQ youth. Eric Eisenhower is an actor and philosopher. You may have seen him as Oregon on Parks and Rec. These two started dating in high school. I know all the words to that song, and they have been together ever since. During their many years as a couple. They have experienced massive changes in discovering different dimensions of their gender, sexuality, and even religion and career. And despite all of those changes and twists and turns instead of growing apart, they have found a way to strengthen their relationship and become closer together. Please welcome hope and Eric. Eric and hope I am so excited to welcome you. Thank you so much for joining us.

Before we get started, I just want to tell you, Eric, I'm such a huge parks and rec fan. So I'm so excited to meet the famous author right

now. That's awesome. Well, I could go into character and just not not the rest of the thing.

Maybe maybe not for a podcast.

So please tell us it's all of the things basically we want to know Everything about you super nosy questions, starting with, how did you guys meet? And how did you get to be where you are now? Because I know your relationship and you have both changed and evolved. You're like the Pokemon of relationships. Yeah.

Although I feel like that's normal for a relationship. I agree. It's happened to do it younger, if that makes sense. Absolutely. But yeah, we met in high school theatre.

That's true. And we started dating the following year, as we continue to do plays together. So actually, this is just one very long Showmance. That's really what it is. It's all for

the PR. It's all what was your first show together?

So it was this snow queen, which is actually known as frozen these days, so it was kind of a like, brother, sister, I think frozen like the movie is about Sister sister. So Eric, and I started out as brother sister in a show and, you know, I just my favourite story about that is at the end, we hug. He gives really good hugs. And during our last show, I really like savoured last hug because I was like, Oh, I'll never hug him again. And now I get to hug him all the time. It's such a gross story. I

know. We are starting out real sappy.

I know, it's a love podcast, it's

fine. What I loved is that Sarah and I both had to like muffle our snow,

it's fine. If you're supposed to scream inside your heart, we squeak inside our hearts a lot. So you graduated high school, you both moved to LA to pursue acting, which seems to have been a solid choice on your part.

That's true. We, we moved out here ready for show.

So you guys have been together, as we said, for so long. And what we wanted to talk about was some of the ways that you and your relationship has changed and evolved. What were some of the changes that you went through, as you became who you are now,

you know, I entered this relationship thinking I was straight and he was straight, but I'm by just all these things that have come up and I've learned about myself and vice versa, and just how we've figured that out. Yeah, I've

come a long way.

Hope. Can I ask you about sharing with Eric, that you were by and figuring out that you're gender queer,

I guess. Okay, so I've always been bisexual, and I've always grown up being like, okay, Am I gay? Or am I straight? And I just never figured out that there was an in between, and it would always just be so confusing. And I remember, I Googled, like, how do you tell your straight partner that you're BI? And I looked, and I couldn't find a lot of information. Maybe I didn't know how to Google

correctly. How is this not a Buzzfeed checklist that

this should definitely be like a listicle? Yeah,

yeah. I don't know. I was just trying to prepare to how to tell, like being like straight passing relationship as a buy person. And so I got all this courage. I waited the last minute before Eric had to leave to a concert, it was just this whole thing of me putting it off. And I was like, I'm gonna do it. We kind of have a thing that we do, where I take Eric on a long walk. And sometimes towards the end of the walk, I just go like, Okay, I have something to tell you. And he's like, okay. Yeah,

we've had a few of those walks, and none of them are, you know, it's never like scary or upsetting or anything, but like, whatever that moment, is, I just like, Okay, I have to put myself in a place to listen. Yeah, think is going to be shared now. Okay. Yeah,

yeah, I find that it's usually me bringing up all the changes. So all that entire time during the walk, I'm just like, do it hope and I'm like, okay, by the time we get to the end of the street, I'm like, do it and I'm like, Oh, I didn't do it. And then I'm like, we're almost home. I just have to do it. And I was so prepared. And I said, I'm by and I like I'm in tears. And then Eric goes, Oh, me, too.

Oh, so he found the listicle is what you're saying? I don't

know. Eric is bisexual, and I'm bisexual. But he was just like, Oh, me too. After I spent all this time all that agony preparing to be have have this straight man in my relationship. And so I was completely thrown off. I didn't know how to respond to that one. And the way that like I was in tears, and Eric is like, Yeah, me too. Yeah. Cool, cool. Cool.

I would frame it as more I was trying to be supportive and positive and then also sharing but yeah, I totally. I totally like weaselled my way into that moment is a moment for myself. In my defence, I was going through my own thing and think like, Okay, how like, do I have the conversation? How do I share how am I going to how am I gonna sit down do this I feel a little bad because it was it was like hopes moment to like tell me this thing is obviously very important to them. But yeah, one hopes shared that I was just like, okay, now's the moment. Don't put it off again. Just share it right now. Yeah. So much easier. You know, this is the perfect moment. I just

have this image of you to going on a walk and and Eric, you're sitting there thinking, Alright, well, you've been walking for eight hours. What do you need to say?

So another lap?

Yeah, I'm definitely seeing a trend hope.

Yeah, I've been trying to get better on I did, like Eric was like, I don't know if I should go to this concert. And like, leave, I like prepared this. So you would just leave afterwards. So I could be by myself and all my feelings. I need to take a breath.

We'll be right back after this short break.

I think there's definitely a different conversation when men come out as bi. It's like, okay, you're actually gay, or like, my response later that night was like you. And I think I actually told Eric that, which is one of like, the worst things I could have ever done. And I wasn't very understanding and I didn't understand by men. Definitely one of my regrets is I wasn't as supportive as I should have been, as we should be towards by men, you know, that is

sort of like a ingrained. fearly have the experience with like, bisexuality in general. But I would say particularly for men, it's like, by today, gay tomorrow, you hear you know, like, being bi is just one step out of the closet to, to actually admitting that you're just gay, you know, so there is a sort of fear. Like if I say this, I'm not going to be disbelieved, you know, you know, will they accept that this is a valid thing for me,

I have read about often your first reaction to something is something that you've been taught. And then your second thought, as you reconsider it, is what your what your internal compass is going to help you with. So if your first reaction is well, then that's what you've been taught is the right response. And then if you check yourself, then you're unlearning what you've been taught. And it's a lot to unlearn what you're taught when it comes to prejudices against sexuality and gender, like it's a whole lot of mess that you that you tackle when you do that, isn't it?

Yeah. And I've been doing that a lot and making sure I'm supportive, and sort of unlearning, you know, and then towards Eric, who was you, but he doesn't deserve that. Nobody deserves that. And I really had to check myself and figure out how I can be supportive of myself and my partner and everybody else who deserves.

I want to thank you hope for letting us read some of your blog posts. I particularly loved something you wrote where you said, I hate the term coming out, because it's really about letting you in. And that is so true. And as the as the parent of a queer child, that is definitely something that I value that my, that my child trusts me to let me know him and all of the different ways that he sees the world. But you you are letting people in? And was it easier because you have this long foundation of knowing each other to let each other in even further into your lives this way?

I personally have been working on my communication. And I think it's been it's become a lot easier, as I've learned how to let Eric in finally, you know, like as we evolve and lead each other in

the depths of which I know, hope, is so much greater than when we went on our first date. Yeah, I don't know how, what the interaction would have been if these things had been shared, you know, six months into our relationship as compared to now I'd like to think it would have been the same maturity and depth and supportiveness of reaction, but you never know. But yeah, building on 14 years now of dating, it's like, yeah, there is a depth and a connection and a familiarity that, thankfully, makes it so much easier to be open and honest about these things.

So of course, I want to ask Eric, when did you know that you wanted to marry help?

I think I actually both of our attitudes to this relationship was, you know, one day at a time and see what happens. I think maybe for me what really solidified it was you know, I had I had a really bad bike accident about four years ago. Where basically I broke my arm and half. Oh, no, thank

you. His

bone was sticking out. He walked a mile by himself with his bone exposed trying to find help somebody stole his bicycle in the moment. It was he stayed in the hospital for 10 days. It was he had five surgeries. Yes,

I don't recommend Yeah,

that was a lot of recommended. Yeah, not in favour.

But uh, it was a full year before I was officially totally recovered. You can learn a lot about Somebody's in the good times, but you really learn a lot, I think in the bad times. And so seeing how hope reacted, how hope was there for me dirt when times were real bad. I was like, this is somebody that I can, that I can rely on and trust and share my life with not just when things are wonderful, or when things are boring. When things are bad. It's like, okay, I think we are, we are solid for the long haul for sure. You know, this is who I want spend the rest of my life with.

I really think that experience as awful as it was, it was definitely a shift in our relationship that really solidified it. Do you

remember when you knew that you wanted to say yes, that you wanted to marry Eric?

Oh, boy. It was it a long walk it. So there was a time where I was like, okay, when we're together for 10 years, I want to be engaged, you know. And so he was going on my timeline. And then by the time he was planning to propose, and I found out and I was like, No, I can't handle it. And I was still going through my freakout of just being like just sharing this part of me with people that I like, hid for so long. And I've always recognised that he has all the qualities of someone I would like to marry, but I wanted to be the partner that I thought he deserved. And to survive that. And then later, when I was feeling confident and more calm, I was like, Yo, I'm ready. And he's like, okay,

for each of you, how have all of these changes, made you into who you are as a couple to talk about yourselves as a couple? How have all these changes strengthened you together?

I think when you're this open and honest about who you really are, I think there's just a depth of connection, you know, that you can't get from any other sort of experience. It just, it just comes with that. It's easy to be honest about like, Oh, my favourite foods, my favourite TV show, things like that. But when you start saying, Well, you know, actually, here's my sexuality. And I haven't ever told this to anybody before. And they hear that and they except that it's hard to put into words exactly what it's like, you know, sort of this intangible thing, but it's the depth of connection that's just grown tremendously.

I think having the confidence in our relationship that who I am in 10 years, Eric will be there and support me is a different type of trust. Yeah,

yeah. It's a great feeling of security of knowing that you can sort of depend on somebody to be there through the thick and thin and for and for whoever you really are, that you don't have to hide or change can really be your whole self and that that's not going to scare somebody away.

Well, thank you guys so much for being so honest. Where can people on the internet encounter you in your preferred locations?

I'm on Instagram at Hope Jas, H O P E J, a y mes?

I am underscore Eric Eisenhower underscore E. Ric. is n h o w er.

So hope I understand that you work a lot with the Trevor Project. So can you just give us like a brief rundown of what you do with them? And you know, it's such a great organisation.

Oh my gosh, yes. So the Trevor Project is a great place for youth where you can go talk 24 hours, it's a lot of queer children, queer youth, just exploring their sexuality, their gender, they go to the crisis. It's been very cool for me, because it's being that person I wish I had, or I wish I knew I needed at that time. But yeah, it's a very great resource. And then if you're older, over 25, there's the LGBT hotline or help centre that I also volunteer with, they have phone calls, if you go to their website, there's a lot of resources. I wish I had known that when I came out because I desperately needed at all. But yeah, there's people to talk to.

I have, I've had such a really just powerful 25 minutes talking to you. Thank you so much for being so honest, and for coming on the show today. It really means a lot to have you be so very much yourselves and to trust us with who you are. Thank you for that.

Thank you so very much for having us.

Thank you. It's been lovely talking to you.

Sarah, that was so nice and so lovely. So before we carry on with our day, let's grab some love to go shall we? Any sweet thoughts or takeaways from our episode today?

Mine comes from Pope who has a blog and they wrote, let yourself be known and let your story be known. And it is so scary sometimes to be who you are. But it is worth it. When you can truly be yourself in the world because you only have the one life. Make it the one that is meant for you

be who you are. That is so nice. I love that and also

value the people who love and accept you for who you are. That is a true treasure in this world.

Yeah, you gotta value that people want to go on those walks with you, and

who will go and see Sonic the Hedgehog with you. Exactly that. Lets Sonic be your guide. And if you would like to tell us what movie you saw with deep regrets, or who knows you best in the world, we would really love to hear your love story, you can send an email to lovestruck daily at frolic dot media. If you have any questions or thoughts, we would love to hear from you. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter at lovestruck daily for extra content. Please leave a review and subscribe and spread the word about the show. We'd love to bring more love into everyone's ear buds. And that's it for our pride month pre release week. Thank you so much for tuning in. Remember that there are tonnes of queer stories to explore. So if you're in need for more pride, go back and explore our archives. There's plenty of love to go around. And

a sweet little addendum to this story. Hope and Eric actually

are getting married next weekend.

Both and Eric, we love you so much and the whole lovestruck team sends a huge congratulations.

Our researcher is Jesse Epstein. Our editor is Jen Jacobs. Our producer is Abigail steckler and little Scorpion studios are behind the scenes Hatcher of plans is Gillian Davis and we are executive produced by Frolik media and I Heart Radio. And we wish you all a very happily ever after. I'm in love with you. Love with you. I'm in love with you