If I'm being honest, but I have to say like I'm sick and tired of religious people spouting off about community and love in a church while and while quoting the Bible, but then actively othering and verbally crucifying and denouncing those whose beliefs and ways of life don't match their own. And in the face of hate and adversity in this day and age, we can't love and pray our way out of it. And what in the actual fuck then does community and love actually mean? Honestly, I remained attached to the church for too long, grasping onto parts that were still palatable to me for fear of disappointing my parents or dealing with the judgment of others. But it was harming me. And I ended up having to do a lot of work to have conversations with my kids about how our belief system as a family doesn't align with what they were hearing in religious spaces. For fuck sake, friends, like, it was a lot. These days, I still pray every day, I believe, the God I believe in. It's fine. If you believe in more God's right, I believe that the God I believe in is loving and openly accepting. And I feel very deeply attached to that belief. But I'm no longer grasping onto the ideas or practices that were placed upon me in a religious setting. And this is no judgment on any of you who are Catholic, who are still deeply connected to the Catholic Church, I'm only speaking for myself, and there is zero judgment, for your beliefs, or anything else. Please know that. I want to share though, that the deepest reckoning for me has been happening with the effect of my experiences with discrimination and racism. So much of who I am as an adult, is a result of those experiences the harm of growing up in a predominantly white town, and being always surrounded by white teachers, advisors and bosses over the years, it's taken its toll. And while I've done a lot of work, and exploring and understanding the effect, there's actually still so much I'm still in backing, I realized just last year, in 2020 do in my 40th year on this earth, that I really don't know myself. For as long as I remember. Up until maybe five, six years ago, I listened to certain music, watch certain TV shows and movies dressed a certain way. So I could fit in with the white people around me, because that's who I was around, so that I can relate to them, quote, unquote, relate to them and have something to offer in conversation, or at least know what the fuck I was, was being talked about, right? I made myself a certain way, a version of stuff that was more like the white people I was around. And the only time I was really truly myself was when I was alone or with certain family members. And still, there was a lot that I hid for myself, too. I didn't have any clue until last year how in authentically I was living my life as a result of being othered. And in fear of being further othered for decades, and I was so clueless to the harm at all cost. Who friends, it's been a lot. So over the last year, I've been deeply assessing my unhealthy attachments, negative thinking, my old patterns of belief, fears and desires. This work in mindfulness and self awareness has been a lot and a whole thing. And a necessary thing because I can finally and truthfully say that I'm living my life in right relationship with myself. I'm no longer hiding or holding on to any thoughts, words, desires, or actions that are not truly mind. That goes for in my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, my connection with God, my ancestors, my departed loved ones, in my work in everything. I am so deeply attached to my knowing and agency. And I'm not gonna lie. I mean, it's not like there's no challenge, right? But I work hard in examining when fear is driving the car, and assessing whether it's fear of something bad happening, or if something good happening because friends, fear of something good happening in is an actual thing, right? We want change, we want to do things differently, but at the precipice of actually doing it. It's like holy shit, no. This is not comfortable. And am I really worthy of the good thing that could come out of this? Who I've worked really hard at letting go of attachment to Well, well, it's funny that I say attachment to is really a chokehold honestly, on outcomes and ideals and standards and don't get me wrong, like I still have objectives. I still standards, but they're ones I've chosen for myself. And I offer a lot of flexibility, grace and compassion to myself along the way. And as a result, the idea of abundance is much more palatable, accessible, impossible in my mind, which then supports and fuels decisions instead of scarcity. And I have to tell you, that's one chain And I am relieved to be free of. So maybe like, holy shit, like this makes so much sense and is blowing my mind and also good for you staff on your journey. But How in the fuck do I do this for myself? And, like I know there's or you might be saying, like, because I know for me, there's stuff in my present life not serving me. And you might be realizing that too. But what you might be doing is realizing like you may not know, any idea, like what to do, or maybe you're scared, because I know this has happened to me, that means that you're gonna have to come to terms with some hard stuff and maybe even make make big, big changes. And how do you do that? When you're at low capacity, when you've got too much on your plate, like when you're constantly disrupting, and you're like, Damn, I've got like, zero resources left. But here's the thing, knowledge is power, right? Knowledge is great. But what good is it if you don't have any guidance in putting the information to practice to embodying the practices or navigating the challenges that come up? Because that's where it's at right there, right? Because challenges are going to come up they're going to, and so my friend, the simplest answer I have for you is to just get started with the capacity that you've got, the time that you have, no matter how limited. Wherever you can be like a curious three year old, that asks why for everything, begin to watch yourself as you move through the day. Take your imagining imaginary mind, magnifying glass, Sorry, can't talk. Take your imaginary mind. Take your imaginary magnifying glass to everything and consider it. If this thought if this word if this desire, or this action is rooted in possessiveness, and grasping in attachment, all in fear of scarcity or not enoughness if it's something that is yours, or not, begin assessing your unhealthy attachments, negative thinking, as well as your belief patterns, your fears and desires to see like, have you outgrown something? Are you holding something because of history? Maybe it wasn't yours to begin with? And I'll be honest, you probably will not have to look too far. The work sounds hard, but it's actually not. It's not in the recognizing it's in what the hell do we do about it now? Usually the shit that's always coming up, that's always presenting itself as an issue that you're always having to navigate. That's typically the shit that doesn't fit.