Welcome to the sovereign heart podcast, where we get to talk about what it takes to live love and build relationships from the unlimited potential of your heart. My name is Michaela rose. I'm the polyamorous dating and relationship coach, artist, lover, communication, nerd, total water bender and heart centered weirdo, and I'm so honored to be alive at the same time as you how great is that the world is a changing place, and so are the ways we love and support one another, within and beyond the paradigms of monogamy, polyamory, nonviolent, communication, polarity, tantra, attachment, twin flames, dating, kink and more, there is one thread that weaves us all trust, a nutrient that is only created from a willingness to go first, the discernment to call a red flag red crystal clear communication and a little bit of faith in the unknown. I am so excited to be on this journey with you. Let's dive in. Hello, beautiful sovereign hearted beings. Welcome to another episode of the sovereign heart podcast. My name is Michaela rose Soleil. It is so good to be here with you in this moment, as you are where you are. Thank you for being here today. We are talking about how to not lose your shit in stressful times, because there's a lot of stressful times going on these days, and people are impacted. You know, I have been seeing that in the work that I do. Been seeing that in just paying attention to different spaces and also paying attention to my own feelers in the world, my own sense of the collective and, yeah, there's a lot of stuff going on. There's a lot changing out there. There's a lot of unknown, there's a lot of confusion, a lot of distortion, a lot of all sorts of stuff, and it can be very destabilizing. So that's why I said stressful times. Think of a stressful time as anything that easily destabilizes you or easily throws you off center. So I want to talk about, how do we come back to that center? Because I never think about, you know how to not lose your shit when I'm when I'm talking about, oh, don't lose your shit. I'm not saying, you know, you got to keep it all together, and you got to be perfect, and you could never have a bad day. And, no, no, that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about, how do you come back to center when the things do impact you? Right? Because we can't really control many things in this life, whether whether we like it or not, we can't really control a lot of things in this life, and so the things are going to impact us, things are going to impact us in this life. So it's not about how do I prevent myself from being impacted, but how do I stabilize when the impact happens? Or how do I develop practices of stabilization before the impact happens, right? How do I develop that as a regular way of being in my life, so that big life events, whether they are in my life, close to my personal life, or my family or my community, or more on the national or even global level, how am I prepared to respond to the impact of that, because we don't have control over lots of things, but we do have control over whether we want to respond or react to something that's impacting us, whether that is, like I said, on the tangible wavelength, You know, or more, on the more subtle kind of wavelength, right? If you're more of empathic, I know, I know you know what I mean. So how do we not lose our shit? How do we come back to stabilization? And I thought about giving you, like, a big list of like, these are all the things that I do which, you know, I don't think that that's super helpful, because you can find any of those things online, you know, like, how do I stay healthy? And you probably have your own list and your own regimen and your own stuff, and I might share a couple of them that feel relevant for this episode at some point. But really, what I realized that I wanted to boil it down to is three main things, prioritization, looking at your expectations and having compassion, right? Having compassion for where you're at. So first off, price prioritization, prioritization is not actually something. Think that is that difficult. But I think we make it very difficult. We make long to do list, or we have to journal and, you know, find the clarity of what to prioritize today, or we have to know our purpose and be living our dharma. And like all of these things that especially in today's fast moving, fast paced, hyper individualistic culture. You gotta be doing all the things you know. You gotta be, you know, career savvy. You gotta be family savvy. You gotta be relationship savvy. You gotta be a sex goddess, witch. You know, you gotta and you also have to be like the perfect housewife, you know, or if you're a man. You have to be, you know, the macho, whatever, but also super soft and emotional, and also killing it and providing for the family and like all of these things, right? And, Oh, and don't forget to do it with a smile. And don't forget to do it with just like such deep love and compassion that you just get to be alive for every moment. It's like, wow, okay. And in order to be a valid member of the world and society and all the things you are then expected to, you know, be successful in all these realms. And I'm not saying that this is true for you, but I'm speaking from the lens of society, oh, and, of course, the beauty standards and, Oh, of course, the, you know, all these different things that impact us and tell us we're never good enough. We need to be doing more. You know, you're not successful enough. Your relationship isn't good enough, even if it's safe and stable and you like it, it's like, it's not the perfect relationship, so you need to still work on that area. There's a song that I listen to very often. I wish I could remember the name of the artist right now, but she says, healing is not my purpose. I think that's the name of the song, actually, healing is not my purpose, right? Healing is not my purpose. And healing can be seen as, yes, doing the inner work, doing the things, but also healing your relationship to others, healing your relationship to money, to career, to all of that kind of stuff. And we can we being the, you know, hyper individualistic kind of colonized culture right around the way that we think we need to be in the world are on this like, hamster wheel of like, I gotta be doing all the things and success, and including my trauma healing success, of course, which will lead to my business and money success and relationship success, and it's like, wow, that's a lot of pressure, and that's a lot of things that we're prioritizing all at once all the time, because the outside world is telling us that's what's important, and that's what we should be prioritizing. So when I say prioritization is not actually that difficult, what I mean is that prioritization is actually just being willing to choose something and also being willing to grieve that which you are not choosing if you have a goal to call in the relationship you've wanted, and to finally hit, you know, six figures in your business, and to, you know, just, just completely redo your your home and remodel it and you want to do it all in the next three months. Ask yourself, right? And maybe you have your own version of that is that actually realistic for the time and capacity that I have? Where am I at right now? How am I being impacted by my life? What weird transitions Am I going through, personally or relationally, or career wise or national wise, right? Like our country going through a transition, and how is that impacting me? And how does that impact my capacity to do these things? And so if last year you had capacity to do those, all three of those things in three months, great this year. Is it the same? Can you get really curious. Can you get really honest with yourself? And can you be willing to choose just the thing that you actually want and need to prioritize that is deeply important to you, or maybe creates more stabilization, right? Maybe it has something to do with
focusing on, you know, releasing anything that is destabilizing or creating more stabilization, whether that's in your personal health or financially. You know, relationship wise, is there just a simple focus, a simple path forward that. That you can choose, that you can decide for the next three to six months, whatever, that that's what you focus on, and are you willing to grieve that which you are not focusing on and that which you are not prioritizing because you're choosing the other thing, when you're willing to do that, you can have this right? Like the deep breath that happens when you look at the list of everything that you fucking told yourself that you wanted to do and you're gonna do, and I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna create that, and da, da, da, and you get to just cross the shit out that doesn't matter, right? Get to cross that out, and you probably grieve because you want it just as much as anything, but you don't have capacity for it, not in this season, not in this moment. Be honest with yourself, cross it out, because for as long as you leave it there as an undone, as long as you're not willing to prioritize and then grieve what you're not prioritizing, at least for now, right? Like, let it die, let it have its moment, and maybe, maybe it comes back at a different time. Maybe it's a new seed at a different time in your life when you're not willing to do that, all those undone things, all those goals that you don't actually have capacity for the or the focuses that you don't really have the bandwidth to focus on, because you actually need the stabilization piece first are going to just tick off in your brain. We actually have a part of our brain that like tracks and ticks our progress towards things that we've said, that we're going to do. And so when we say we're going to do something, or a lot of some things, and we're not doing them, and we're not acting towards them, but we're still saying, but yeah, those are my goals this year, that little ticker gets further and further away from here to where we think we should be, and the gap between here and where we think we should be gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, and the self doubt and the self criticism and the self judgment and all those other little wiggly things that happen in our brain when we're dissatisfied with ourselves or our life get more and more intense and more and more destabilizing, which then makes it really hard to keep our shit in stressful times. So that brings me to the second point, which is expectations, and specifically and my my teacher, Simone soul says this all the time, at least lately, more more than more often than not, of lowering your expectations, right? Lowering that gap, lowering the distance between you and where you are now and where you think you should be, if you think by the end of 2025, the end of this year, that you should be a millionaire, and you've never made more than $40,000 a year, right? And you believe, and that's your goal, that by the end of this year, that's what you will have, and you're going to do it. And, you know, and maybe you are the person that could do that, like, for whatever reason, like you have the capacity, you have the know how, you have the bandwidth, you have the luck, you have the opportunity, right? And you have the privilege, whatever it is that allows you to do that, maybe it is possible, but for most people that have, you know, $40,000 is like a like an average salary kind of thing, right? Median salary. I don't know if that's entirely true. That's what I think think of it as, to then jump from that to, oh, I'm gonna make million dollars this year. The gap between where you're at and where you think you need to be to be successful is so large that you are constantly going to be stretching yourself past your capacity, past like your boundaries of what you actually can do, and that kind of thing is what eventually leads to collapse, right, even
if you were to hit
that goal, that's what's fucked even if you were to hit that goal, right, if you did it by being outside of your capacity, outside of your window of tolerance, Right outside of your stabilization to get there. There still is a sense of destabilization in that, right? And so that's when you see people that can do that, right, and then it crashes and burns. Or they do that, and then they lose their sense of self or purpose, or they lose their close relationships, right? Not to say that, if you're a millionaire, you have to lose all these things, absolutely not, you know, you can be a millionaire and still be so loving and so attuned and so connected to who you are and the people you love and what you care about. But if that's not something that you were born into, like most of us haven't been, you know. That's something that would take time, right? Even hitting that $100,000 a year mark from 40,000 right? That's a huge leap. That's huge, right? If you have only had you know, one partner, and, like, in your whole life, and like, one experience with one person, and then this year, you're like, okay, like, I'm gonna call in the dream partner. We're gonna have best sex ever. And like, it's gonna blow my mind, and I'm gonna be like, a totally new person, or whatever it is. And you haven't taken the steps to get to know your own body, your own pleasure, you know, what do you actually want? What do you what's important for you in relationship, you know, and you're just kind of putting the energy on this thing, this outside possibility that you don't fully have control over the impact of finding somebody that feels like this perfect match or reaching that goal of a million dollars, whatever it is, right? You're putting the expectation on that being the thing that's going to fulfill you, that's going to finally give you the sense of success and purpose and fulfillment and all the good things satisfaction that you wanted and why you wanted to have that thing in the first place. But the reality is, most of the time, when we set our goals right to the million dollars the perfect person from not even knowing our own bodies right, that we tend to fall short of our expectations. And when we do that a lot, we fall short of our expectations again and again and again. And I talked about that little ticker, and that little ticker tracks that too, right? It tracks all the different ways and all the different places that we've fallen short of who we thought we should be, of where we thought we should be, by X amount of time, or by x age, or whatever it is. So when you decide to lower your expectations, when you decide to lower your expectations and really allow yourself to commit to that and get curious about it, you get to be in that space where you can hold the openness, you can hold the love, you can hold the expanded version of reality of what you want in the highest ties, right? You can hold that vision while also saying and success. For me this year looks like getting to know my body. It looks like showing up for a pleasure practice once a week. Or it looks like looking at my finances once a week, you know, sitting down and looking at my money and building a relationship with it and getting curious about where I can save and what other opportunities are available, and what's important to me, because that is something that you could do, right? You lower your expectations of what you're going to do in three, six months a year, whatever it is, and you lower it to something that actually feels doable, that actually feels like, okay, I can set this goal, I can commit to it, I can show up for it, and I can train that little ticker in my brain to go, Look, we set a goal and we did it. And if the goal is waking up today, and you woke up today like, holy shit, you did it, right? You're You're a superstar, you're as good as a millionaire, right? Like, you're as good as the one who found the one or the perfect partner this year, right? Because you made a goal, you made a commitment to yourself, and you showed up for it, and you kept showing up for it, and that actually adds to your sense of stabilization. It adds to your sense of capacity, because when you know that, you can decide to do something, even if it feels so small and so stupid and so like ridiculously easy and simple, but you do it, and you show up for it, you're training your brain that it is possible, it is possible to show up for myself and to create more stabilization and to create more care, and to create just a little bit more of what I want and what's important to me. And when you do that, it builds your capacity right? Because you see other little places and other little things where you're like, Oh, wow. Okay, I'm doing this pretty well. Well, what if I just added one extra thing and then made it even simpler? You know? I add one extra layer after trying one thing for three, six months, right? I had one tiny layer. And then I do that, and I train. Brain, oh, okay, I can have capacity for these things, and you get a much better sense of what you actually have capacity for. That is within your window of tolerance. That is not you living in, you know, fight or flight, living in a deep kind of like freeze response to the world where you're just sort of barreling through pain or frustration or sadness or emotions, right? You're just barreling through that to get the thing done, to reach the goal, because you set your expectations so far ahead of yourself that you've put yourself actually into a stressful time by doing that, that might be impactful to hear that so, so take a moment. And so the third piece of this, and I probably talk about this almost every episode, is compassion. If you are going through a stressful time, if you are being impacted, like we're talking about by these transitions, personally, relationally, globally, nationally, spiritually. You know, whatever it is, treat yourself with such deep compassion. I got really sick recently, on my last podcast, I was, I was sick, and there's a, there's a yoga practice that I always go back to with through, like an app that I use, that I really love, and I do it every time I'm sick. And I love her invitation, and every time I get I just I forget when I'm sick, right? Because I think I should be doing so many things right that I forget that I'm sick, I have much less capacity. It's a great kind of like meta moment of what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the bigger picture of what you have capacity for. But when you're sick, when times are stressful, when you have chronic illness, when you're struggling with something, when it's a ongoing pattern or challenge, your capacity changes. And in this practice, she gave the invitation to really meet yourself with such deep compassion, as if you were a little baby animal or a small child, right? Somebody that's so innocent, right? Just, just needs your care, that needs your your showing up for for it, with such deep care, such deep compassion, right? Because who is going to look at a baby squirrel and be like, you should be doing more, you're sick, but you should be doing more. You should you should be writing that post right now. You should be on the dating apps again, right? Like, nobody's gonna do that, right? It's a baby squirrel. And so when you hold yourself with that level of care and that level of compassion, especially when things are stressful, especially when there's destabilization, you allow yourself to be met with that deep loving presence, that deep compassion, that deep understanding, that how you're feeling, and the fact that your capacity changes and what's possible for you changes when things impact you, that That's okay, that it makes so much sense, and that's so alright, and it's so beautiful that you're willing to slow down and to get curious and to be compassionate about that, and that might often look like taking time, taking Rest, taking more rest than you think you need. Rest is absolutely an act of resistance at rest is absolutely an act of claiming your capacity and saying, I will go this for this far and no further. And that's what I need right now, and that's okay.
That's Oh okay. It's more than okay. It's actually needed so much. And so these three principles, when this is the lens that you're coming from, the practices, the habits, right? The Yoga, the meditation, the way you want to eat, the vitamins, you know, all that stuff that I said I might talk about that I definitely don't feel like talking about now, all of those things come much more easily, right? The clear action steps towards building the life, the relationships, the career, you know, the finances, whatever it is that you're needing to find stabilization becomes so much easier because you're so, so, so, so honest with yourself about where you're at, what you have capacity for, willing to prioritize that which you really do need to create stabilization and willing to grieve what you don't, willing to lower your expectations of what you think is possible. For yourself so that you can have those happy moments of I did it. I did it. I treated myself with kindness today. I did it. I'm so good. I love myself so much. I'm so good. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, and I'm also gonna treat myself with kindness tomorrow. And I know I can do that. I know I can do that. I can't control what's out there, but I know I can treat myself with care, right? If that's the goal, if that's the expectation, you're gonna blow yourself out of the water with what's possible, right? And all those little habits of care, whether that's personal care, communal care, you know, doing your work in the world, right? Caring for others, being of service, you're gonna know exactly where you stand, and you're going to be willing to lean in right, lean into even just a little bit more rest, even just a little bit more compassion, even just a little bit less on your plate, a little bit less of the expectation of who you think you need To be and why. So please go and do less and lower your expectations and hold yourself with what so much care while you do that, so much care. Yes, your heart is needed. Yes, Your love is needed. Yes, your service to the world is needed. Yes, you deserve everything that you want and all those beautiful goals that you have and your one imperfectly perfect human, let yourself be that imperfectly perfect human, and let yourself show up and create stabilization and have such deep care for yourself in the process, and everything that's meant to come will come, and everything that's meant to go will go, right? I love you guys so much, and I'm so grateful for this, for this little conversation here, this little communication, yeah, feel free to leave me a comment below if you enjoyed this episode, or reach out to me and get on my email list for some kind of behind the scenes, ideas and things that I don't share on this podcast about the episodes and what went into the thought behind them, and also just personal stories and shares and insights from my life and from my work as a sex lover and a relationship coach. So thank you guys so much for listening, and I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. MA.
