Well, good morning, everyone. Good to see you. Pardon me. Good to have you with us this morning. We have a good crowd. We have some guests among us, and we're always glad to have you. We appreciate you being here this morning, and obviously you're interested in things of a spiritual nature, or you wouldn't be here, and so we're grateful for that. I hope that the service that we've already engaged in this morning is something that benefited you. I'm going to say it this way. I hope it stirred your spirit. I hope that as you've been here for the past at least 30 minutes, that you've thought about the songs that we've sung, you've listened to, the prayers that we've offered, you've participated with us in taking of the supper, and I hope that's moved you spiritually. That's exactly what it's intended to do.
I want to say this as I begin this morning, there are a lot of places and a lot of things that try to move you spiritually in different ways. They're man made ways, and what we always must do is look into God's word and say, How does He want us to be moved spiritually? I believe that, based upon what I read in Scripture, that we've done that this morning, and I hope that you feel the same way, that what we've done has moved us spiritually. That's what God intends. And if we've been moved, then we've already been helped. And I hope that maybe a few things that I want to say as we enter in the last phase of our worship period this morning will be helpful to you. It's good to see each of you. I know we have several who are watching our live stream broadcast, which we always do, and we're very, very grateful for that. Some of our guests today are holdovers from Landon and Sydney's wedding yesterday, and so we're glad to have you. Landon Moore and Sydney Banks got married yesterday, and we're grateful for that, and we pray for their wonderful life together. And that's not necessarily why I'm going to preach a lesson this morning. If I'm preaching for them, I waited a little long to do it. But I am going to preach this lesson this morning that I have entitled Making a Good Marriage Great. After I finish this morning, you're probably going to go that lesson was not titled the right way. And it may be the case, because what I'm going to do this morning is and I want you to get ready for this, what I've got to say is going to be hard to hear. What I'm going to say to you this morning is going to be hard for you to hear, and it's going to be hard for me to hear. You're not going to hear the word easy very much this morning. You're going to hear the word hard until you're tired of it. And what I'm intending to do is make us aware that for our marriages to be great is going to take a lot of work. Now hear me out. Don't just turn me off and go, Wow, we shouldn't have come this morning. No, I'm hoping that it that what I have intended the lesson to do, I hope it does this morning. And whether you're married, whether you feel like your marriage is good, whether you don't feel like your marriage is good, whether you're unmarried, whether you're considering marriage, whether you don't know yet, if, in time, you'll be married, no matter where you are. Maybe some of you've been married, you've lost a spouse. Maybe you've lost a spouse for various reasons. Maybe they passed. Maybe, unfortunately, a marriage that you've had has ended in divorce. And there are a variety of things that in categories that all of us fall into. And I get that okay, and I get that. And so what I want us to do is just talk about some of these things that are hard and let you and me in whatever capacity we find ourselves in terms of this relationship, then be ready to apply these things when the time does come for us.
Does it surprise you that -- maybe I want to ask it this way. To me, the Bible doesn't say much about marriage. It just doesn't. I mean to me, you may say, well, Kenny, it's all over. I know it's; I know it's in the Bible. I know God uses marriages of people. I know he talks about relationships and even deals principally with some of the things that a marriage ought to be. And I get that. But for something that's such an important relationship to me anyway, this is me. There's just not a lot in there. But I think I know why. This is, again, this is me, and here's what I think the reason that is. What God tells you and me to be is a Christian, to be the right kind of person to be who God wants you to be. And I believe that when we're that, then we'll be the kind of husband that we ought to be, we'll be the kind of wife that we ought to be, we'll be the kind of father and mother that we ought to be. We'll be the kind of employee and the kind of employer that we ought to be when we are the kind of Christian that God wants us to be. So I think what he says is, you just be who you ought to be, and all this will fall into place. Now that sounds easy, but in my judgment, that's what he wants. And so a lot of the principles that we find in Scripture can be applied to marriage, especially the relational principles. And we all know that sometimes when we talk about these very kinds of things, we use it, and we talk about applying these things in our marriages, and I get that, and I think we should, and sometimes that's very difficult. I use difficult that time, not hard, because you're going to get tired of hard. Sometimes that's hard to do. So you're going to leave here this morning and you're not going to feel very good, but you're going to leave here this morning with a lot to think about, because I've been thinking about it a while, and I'm tired of thinking about it. Now it's time to put up or shut up. I hope my mom's not listening, because she won't like the fact that I said shut up, and we couldn't say that when I was a kid. So Mom, forgive me, please. But I want you to think about some things with me this morning.
Marriage is hard work. If I took a poll this morning, if I just said, if you think that's the case, raise your hand. My guess is at least if you're married, if among those of us who have either married, been married, or whatever, I think most of us would would raise our hand. Now, that doesn't mean we're not happy we're married, but it means it's hard work. I don't know anybody who's ever told me. You know, marriage is really easy. Wish I'd have done it when I was four. No, nobody's ever said that to me. Matter of fact, most everybody I know says, No, it's hard. Because you're dealing with two people. You're dealing with a man and a woman and a man and a woman who think differently, they act differently, they look differently, and anything else you want to put before differently, that's what you're dealing with. And what you're doing is you're saying, Here's two people who do all those things differently. They'd say, we're going to be together. Well, that right there, tells you that it's going to be hard. But before you get all upset about that, let me tell you, the benefit is outstanding. There's all sorts of benefits, and the reasons, because that's what God said. God said there's benefits, but you're going to have to work at it. And so we, we've got to understand that particular thing, because we all want, we all want a great marriage. Don't you, Ben? You probably got one. I mean, Laura's sitting here, let me just interview. And I'm not going to do that. No, I know they do, but not everybody marries perfection. Like Cynthia, she married perfection. Right, Ken? I mean, that's what I've been told. Well, not everybody's like that, right? And so all of us have to think about what we're going to do to make our marriages better. So here, I got four things for you this morning. Okay, I got four things for you.
Here's the first one. I bet none of you could ever come up with this, right? You'd have never thought this would have been the first one. You've got to obey God. Not you have to think about obeying God. You must. If you're going to have a great marriage, you must obey God. Okay, that's not hard, really for us to say, but I will acknowledge that it's very obvious, if you'll acknowledge that it's hard to do. I'll acknowledge that it's hard, that, it's hard but, you acknowledge the fact that it is hard. And not obeying God, let's just cut right to the chase, and we could almost stop after this. But not obeying God is the reason that marriages are bad. I say that one thing. Not obeying God is the reason, not a reason. It's the reason that marriages are bad. Okay, I'll say it. I'll be that direct about it. Now, there are other factors, but those factors go back to the fact people don't want to obey God, and so we've got to think about that. The very piece that's missing in most marriages, if your marriage today is not great, the piece that's missing is that piece. That's the the peace that's missing If your marriage is not great, somebody in that relationship is not obeying God like the ought to, because if they were your marriage would be great. That's pretty strong, isn't it? But I believe that with all of my heart. And so all of us, because God designed marriage. Every wedding ceremony that I do, I start, I almost every one. Well, I think I do. Without exception. I think I start every one by going to Genesis two, and I'm going to go there in just a second. You have to go there. You have to go there.
And we must obey God because of what Second Corinthians five says, "we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ that each one may receive the things done in the body according to what he has done, whether good or bad." I mean, all of us are going to stand before God, and we're going to give an answer for a lot of things, and one of those things is, how about your marriage? How about your relationship with your spouse? We're all going to have to give an account for that. How do you feel about that? You might be a great employee. You might work hard when you're at your job. You might be a great employee. You might be a great employer. And you might stand before God and say, you know, I was really good at my job. I really treated those who worked for my company, I really treated them well. Here's my question, how about your marriage? I don't know exactly how the Lord might ask you, but he's going to say something like, well, let's talk about your marriage. And we're all going to kind of cower a little bit, and we go, Well, no, let's talk about my job. Let's talk about some other things. No, everything's in play, because we're all going to stand before God, and we're all going to give an account, and this account about how we how we obey God, it's not going to be just kind of like a potluck. You know, we go to potluck and we pick and choose. I'm always going to the deviled eggs. I'm typically going to go to the chicken somehow, probably fried, which is the worst thing for me, I know, but don't talk to me about that. That's what I'm going to eat. And then, if there's those, those, those little, tiny chocolate, minute, Easy Bake oatmeal cookies, I'm going with that. Okay, so, just so y'all know, that's what I'm going to have, but there's a lot of things there, right? It's kind of like obedience. We pick and choose. We talk about, you know, this is what I want. This is what I want and I'll do this, but not this. This is too hard and that way. And we don't have that option. We don't have that luxury as people who are trying to honor God. We don't have that. We want that, sometimes we act that way, but we don't have that right, and we can't do that. So God must rule. Listen, he must rule in our marriages.
Think about for a moment all the data that we collect through our lifetime. The first way we start collecting data about marriage is where? It's in our own house. It's in our own house. The first thing I think about marriage, and the first thing that I thought about marriage was watching my mom and dad. As early as I remember just watching mom and dad and how they treated each other and all those kind of things. And I've watched them. I've watched them for a long time. If they both lived till Thursday, they will have been married 70 years. I think that deserves a ribbon or something, so I hope they get something like that. I guess I'll give it to them if I should, but that's a long time. But the point of that is, is that they, I think they've allowed God to rule in their lives. Well, I watched them, and then I would, when I was growing up, then I'd go to my friend's house, and I'd go into their house, and I'd watch their parents. Sometime I'd spend the night, and I'd see how their parents treated each other the next morning and the next day. Then I got older, and I started watching other people. I'd be in the homes of people at church, or I'd be in the homes with my teammates, or I'd be in the home different; I started watching people. I start gathering information about the kind of home that I ought to have. Then occasionally, I might read something that was out there and that said this, you know, if you want a good marriage, to do this and do this and apply this. And so what I was doing, I was collecting data, and that's what most of us have done. We all do that, and I'm not against that. Okay, I'll just tell you. I'm not against anything like that, because that's what happens to us. But here's what I am against. What I am against is making all of that what I'm going to do. All that has to be weighed against, what what this says, and sometimes what we read, we read these experts and their marriages are horrible. I could throw out a few names that most of us know because they're fairly well known, and the fact of the matter is, they're writing all this stuff about how to have a great marriage, and they're on the third wife or their third husband. And I'm going what? I think I'll stick to watching my own parents. And I think that's what we have to be careful to do, because marriage is it's God's idea. He he wrote the manual, he wrote the book. That's why, that's why we do what we do. He's the one who said, And the Lord said, he's not good, that man should be alone. Genesis two, I'll make him a helper comparable to him. Now we can unpack that verse. That's a very -- that's a very unpackable verse that probably needs to be unpacked at another time, but that's really what he said, and the rest of that context is about that, right? Genesis two. But the issue is, it's not good. It's not good for man to be alone. I'm going to make him a helper who's comparable to him, and like I said, we can unpack that, but that's what he said, and he made it. He made it that way.
Marriage, you're not married today because human evolution is evolved, and some social component has taken over, and somebody, somewhere, decided you know, what a man and a woman ought to stay together for the rest of their life. That's never happened. And you start listening to people you talk about a lot of higher education that talks about, you know, the evolution of man and the social construct and all those kind of things, and how, you know, over 1000s of years and over a million of years, this has evolved, and we finally see, you know, it's probably a good idea that man and woman ought to be together the rest of their lives. That is hogwash. The reason that man and woman ought to marry and be together and live together is the best possible is because God said it not because some man or woman over 1000s and millions of years have decided it's a good idea. God said it was, and I trust God. If I wrote a book on marriage, it'd be one chapter, it'd be four words, I must obey God, and I charge 29.99 for it. But that'd be it.
Now, I'm not discounting, don't, misunderstand me. I'm not opposed to people writing books. I'm not opposed to watching people who are near me. I'm not opposed to any of that. I do it. That's not what I -- that's not where I hang my hat. And if I don't weigh whatever I read or whatever I think next to God's word, then I've made a mistake. I have made a mistake. So, God's never wrong. You ever thought about that? He's never wrong. I don't care what it is. I don't care if it's marriage, I don't care if it's how to be saved. I don't care if it's how to worship. I don't care. He's never wrong. Think about that. He is never, ever wrong. He's always, he always tells truth, because he is the truth, and what he says is exactly what we're to know. What he says is exactly what we're to do. What he says is exactly who we are to be. And I don't really care what you think you ought to be. I don't care what I think I ought to be. What matters is, what does he want me to be? What does he want you to be? That's all that matters. So if you're here this morning, and what you've done with your life to this point in life is, you know, I've been doing what I want to do. You got to make a U turn. You got to make a u turn. If what you want to be, if what who you are, if it's not what God wants you to be, you're going to have to do something different if you want to be-- if you want to please God.
Let's get on to number two. I take-- I took a little while on that one. I must obey God even if my spouse doesn't. I told you, this going to be hard. I've got obey God even if my spouse doesn't. It's not the easy way. But there's some of you this morning, you're going this way. This is your life right now. You gotta obey God, even though your spouse isn't, and living with someone who spiritually and this is a hard word, but I'm gonna say it this way, but living with someone who is spiritually a rebel and that, and that's harsh, but at least someone who spiritually is not inclined to serve God, that's hard to do when you're married to someone like that, and some of you are. I've said it before, and I'm gonna say it again. I have the utmost respect for you. I have the utmost respect for you, because I'm not married to a person like that, and most of you aren't married to a person. Like that, but some of you are. They're good people, but they're just not what God really wants them to be. And God speaks to that. And Peter specifically speaks to that. Jason read one of those passages First Peter three, he says, to wives, and I think in the first century, this was among Christians, this would have particularly been something that a wife should understand. "Wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives." You see that? What he's saying is, some of you are going to be in a relationship, and I think this goes both ways, some of you are going to be in a relationship where people aren't, aren't inclined to be people of God. And what Peter says to the wives is, you be submissive to your husbands. Why? Because that's the relationship that you've chosen, and that's a relationship that he's chosen. So you be submissive, but you understand that you live in such a way that they might obey the word, even without saying a word. Just simply by how you live. And some of you this morning are doing just that. You know why you're doing it? Because you understand that. You're doing it, and you want the ultimate outcome to be yours, and it may/ You pray about it, I'm sure. Pthers praying for you that it be. But the fact of the matter is, you're going to have to be what you ought to be, whether your spouse is or not. I don't know. I don't know what this kind of relationship involves. But from what, from an observation standpoint, what it says to me is people who fall in this category, they're the glue that holds that thing together in hopes that one day, that thing will become united in the right kind of way, in a deeper kind of way.
Marriage, this is, this is something that I think is very serious. Marriage is not a 50/50 proposition. I don't know-- I don't know where we think that sometime, well, you know it's 50/50 No, it's not. There's nothing 50/50 about marriage. There's nothing about, I'll do this much, and you do this much, and we'll meet, and then we'll be 100%. There's nothing in the Bible about that. I don't know where we came up with that. It 50/50 sounds good, because it sounds like we're working together. But there's nothing about 50/50 in Scripture about marriage at all. What is in Scripture says, If I'm the kind of person I ought to be, be that way 100% whether the other person is or not. That principle is all over scripture. You know what Jesus said? He said, Love your enemies. Love your enemies. Pray for those who spitefully use you. Does that sound like 50/50? You know, I like you. I'll be a friend of you if you'll be a friend to me. I'm not saying that there aren't differences and difficulty. You know what I'm saying. That's why what I'm saying is hard.
So now, if you're here this morning and you're going, well, Kenny, I'm not married, and I don't think I ever will be, I think I've just checked that off. No, don't do that. You can have a great marriage, but if you're going to have a great marriage, you're going to have to, you're going to have to find somebody who's going to do what we're talking about this morning. And you're going to have to be that person. And let me say this to those of you who aren't married. Do not; do not compromise. Do not compromise. I'll just, I'd just like to stand here for a few minutes and just let that sink in. This thing is too serious to compromise. This thing's too serious to just say, You know what? I'm just going to abandon what you said, and hope for the best. It's too serious to do that. You be what you ought to be, and you look for somebody who wants to be what God wants him to be. I say that emphatically because I think that's what God would say. Find somebody who's committed to that. Don't compromise. I see way too much of that. I see way too much of that. Don't compromise.
Number three, I cannot be wrong in my marriage and right with God. If you're sitting here this morning saying, You know what, I want to be right with God. I am right with God, but my marriage is not what it ought to be. No, you're not. I told you this was going to be hard. You can't be right with God, and your marriage not be what it ought to be, because God said you got to get that right. You got to get everything right. You're going to make mistakes. You're not going to be perfect, but you can't say, You know what? I'm glad I got the relationship with You, even though this relationship is not what it ought to be. That won't work, that's not going to fly. I can't be wrong in my marriage and right with God. The other passage that Jason read first Peter 3:7, "husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered." There's some responsibility that I have, and the responsibility is, this is what I need to do. I need to dwell with my wife with understanding, giving honor to her as to the weaker vessel, we're heirs together, or my prayers are going to be hindered. You see there's an outcome to that. If I don't treat; there's a spiritual outcome to that if I'm not who ought to be. Isn't that what that's saying? Again, there are several things to that. But isn't that what that's saying? "That your prayers may not be hindered," which says that your prayers can be hindered if you're not that. Right?
I think some people feel stuck in their marriage. You feel stuck in your marriage? You feel stuck? You feel like there's no other? You know I'm going to church all my life. I know what God said. I know I can't leave my spouse. I'm just stuck. Just going to make the best of it. I'm just going to hang in there. Maybe good that you're hanging in there, but you gotta do more than hang in there if you're going to please God. You have an option. You don't have to, but you're not going to be right with God. If you're-- if you don't care about what happens in your relationships. How does a, "Well, I'm just going to endure it." How you think that sits with God? Yeah, I'm just going to-- I'm just going to endure it. I knew a couple years ago, Beth and I knew them. They were friends of ours. They worshiped with us for a long time. They never loved each other. They told me that. They didn't tell me that together. They told me that separately and independently. And I thought to myself, are you kidding me? They didn't. I'm not laughing because it was funny. I'm laughing because it was unbelievable. They'd been married well over 50 years. They didn't want to be married, and that's between them and the Lord in terms of what God's going to do. But they both told me, you know, I'm just, we're just hanging in there. We're too old to do anything else. It's kind of that kind of attitude. And I just thought, Well, believe me, I tried to say a few things that might help that, but that just went in one ear and out the other. I mean, that never got much better that I knew about. And even in their later years, when they were facing difficulties, and even in their passings, which happened at different times, it was hard. That's sad to me. That's sad.
Finally, this: I can only change myself. Listen, I know in-- there's situations where you may be in a marriage where the primary fault may lie with your spouse. I get that, but I can't change my spouse. I can't change what he or she does if I'm married and I can't change. them. I may encourage them. I may do what I can to help, but the only person I can change is me. I told you, this was hard. You know what? I don't like changing me. I don't and I got a lot that needs changing, but I don't like changing me, but I have to change. I have to change myself. And that's very, very hard to do, because it requires me to be honest with myself. You've heard me say it many times. You know what I'm about to say, but I'm going to say it anyway. The most difficult thing that you will ever do is to be honest with yourself. I want you think about that. How often do we just rationalize stuff? I know what I ought to do, but they're not what they ought to be. My circumstance is different than their circumstance. What are you going to do about it? What am I going to do about it? If I'm not the kind of husband that I ought to be, what am I going to do about it? My wife's not the kind of wife she ought to be, what's she going to do about it? I'll tell you the only ones going to change me is me, if I want to. And what that requires is, you ready for this? You may want to write this down. This is going to blow you away. You got to obey God. Gotta obey God. So here's the question, you want to obey God? Are you gonna obey God? Are you gonna make your relationship and your marriage what it ought to be? If you do, then you're gonna have to obey God. You must. You must. And so wherever, in this, in this spectrum of what we talked about this morning, wherever you and your husband, you and your wife land, wherever you land with that this morning, you got to decide, I will obey God. And wherever that falls, and I don't mean by that that there are under the factors that will come into play, but you take care of what you got to do, you take care of what you must do, and then allow God to shape your marriage into something that is great.
Now that's hard stuff, I could make it easier. I mean, I could have made it easier this morning and not said it all, but I think, I think that the things that I've said are biblical. I think they're scriptural. I think they're truth. And if they aren't, then I'd love for you to share your thoughts with me about that. But I think what I've said this morning is what God would want me to say if what he wanted me to talk about was how to make a good marriage great. It may sound like I've thought I've talked about, you know, how to make a horrible marriage less horrible. No, you know, if you're married, I can promise you this, if you're married right now, you didn't marry that person, because when you ask her to marry you, or when you accepted his invitation to marry you, you didn't do that because your list of terrible things was long. Did you? You did that because your list of great things was long. Oh, yeah, I'll go with you from now on, I'll go you with the ends of the earth. Why? Because, man, look at all this. Look at all these positives. There's nothing negative on that. And then that list of negative things begins to grow, and it begins to move us in in areas that are horrible because we not obeying God.
So every sermon ends up the same place, you need to obey God. You need to obey God today. Now I'm now, I'm away from marriage, but you need to obey God. If you're here this morning, you don't have a relationship with God based upon what he says, and if you're here and you're not sure what he says, I'd love to sit down with you and just show you some things in his word, and let you reach your own conclusion about that. You decide what he said. Let's look at what he said. Then you decide what you need to do. I'm not here to tell you what to do. You decide. But you look and then you decide, am I going to obey God, or am I not? That's the only option you have, and it is your option, right? It is your call. He's not going to make you. He's not going to make you have a better marriage. It's your call. That's why it's hard. But the benefits are out of this world, right? The benefits are out of this world. On the way in this morning, I talked to Ben, came in that door and came in and sat down where he's at right now. And I said, How you doing? Well, I'm here. I said, I know why you're here, because you want to be here. You want to be here every time. He does. And we talked about the fact that there's something better, that we're all moving forward, and we're all that-- we're all headed to, and while we wait, we become part of something that's spiritual. We become a part of something that's eternal. We become a part of something that gives us this great hope. And so that's what the Lord offers you. He offers you an eternity with Him, if you'll submit to Him. And that's hard to do. Would you do that today? Would you do that today? Just say, I'm tired of doing it my way, Lord, I want to do it your way, and I want to do it your way from now on.
