Hey, friends, happy September, or maybe it's more of an I'm sorry, it's September. How are you experiencing life in this moment? September for me, is always really busy. My kids, my husband and I all returned to school the first week of September. My husband's a teacher. I teach at Rutgers University here in New Jersey, and then all my kids activities start up as well, and this September in particular is going to be really hard for me as my family and I navigate my dad's birthday the first time without him here. I don't know about you, though I really love the fall, the colors sweaters, the scent and flavor of cinnamon and vanilla hot chocolate, these are all things that represent fall to me, but fall is also a time of year that heightens my propensity for being unsettled, easily stressed out, worried and doing too much to the point of hitting the wall way too often. Any chance you can relate. So today's conversation about resourcing ourselves for Fall is really near and dear to my heart, especially since, and I think it's timely and, you know, very needed, since we have the presidential election coming up here in the United States. So we need to make it to November 5 as easefully. Yes, I made that word easefully as possible. And then we need to be able to move through the days after with resources still available. Because, as I said last year, we are no longer entering December running on fumes. This, my people, is most certainly not that. So if you're feeling under resourced, this episode is for you. And here's the thing you might love, fall, thrive even. But I'm wondering if you're feeling like you will experience fall that way this year, or is there evidence of some things that are kind of off for you and not how they usually are this time of year? And it's not that I want you to say yes, because I truly want less people feeling dysregulated in the world. I'm just wondering, because if things are off a little or a hell of a lot, I want to make sure I tell you it's not surprising based on how much shit is going on in the world and in our own little spaces in time, it makes complete sense. If you're tired, overwhelmed, numb, disconnected, worried, easily triggered, feeling like you are advocating for yourself and others and it's never ending, and I definitely wouldn't blame you if at times you feel like the only way to survive is to turn away from it all you Yeah, so the shit that we've got to talk about this week is whether fall is your time of year or not. Feeling under resourced heading into this season with all of its busyness and variability is not the way we want to go, like at all under any circumstances, and certainly not as we're gearing up for the election and, most importantly, the days after. So here's what we are going to do. We are going to recalibrate. We will foster stability. We will let B level work be okay. We will take time to recognize all the ways we are showing up for the people, the work, the situations and the causes we believe in, and we are going to do work, and then we are going to rest. So I'm going to break all of these down for you. And if your brain is like my brain, that is just naturally or has learned to be set to productivity mode, no shade. Please keep in mind that this isn't a list of items you have to get done. You do not have to get all of them done. They are offerings my friend, and you can pick and choose as you like, so recalibrate when it comes to this the summer and the fall seasons are often experienced very differently in terms of pace, schedule, responsibilities, free, time and weather. For many people, fall is faster, busier, more packed with less free time and daylight. And then we throw in sinusy things, germs, coals. It really it's an important in any transitional period. And especially when you're work moving from a phase that requires or toward, I should say, let me start this sentence again. It is really important in any transitional period, and especially when you're moving into a phase that requires more from you to calibrate before you jump in. But by the time you're listening to this episode, you may be like, Well, I kind of already started my new schedule or my new responsibilities. That's okay. You can do it at any time. So please hear me when I say this, if you already, by the time you were hearing this episode have made that transition into a busier time, a more you know, difficult or more challenging time, you can still recalibrate now in this moment, you may be acutely aware of just how much you are lacking energy, time and support in your life compared to the way where you want to be, because that's what calibration is, right? Usually, calibration is, you know, you're establishing a standard, and you're bringing and then recalibration is coming back to that standard. But when I want you to think of calibrating or recalibrating as coming back to or getting to a place where you want to be. And so I would really like for you to take some time to check in with yourself. It might be the next time you're Doom scrolling. It might be the next time you've got some time before a meeting or something starts, ask yourself these questions, how am I feeling these days for real? How do I want to experience the fall? Is it the same that do I want to experience fall the same way as I'm experiencing life right now, or differently? What would this look and feel like, what do I need, or what needs to happen for me to experience fall the way I want to, and of what I need or what needs to happen for me to experience fall the way I want to what is in my control and what's outside of my control. And be completely honest and straightforward here, because the reality is, not everything is in your control, and so that right there is going to determine how much energy you really put into worrying or being upset by or being affected by the stuff that you can't control. Now the reality is, some of that stuff that you cannot control really may affect how you experience life, so you may need that stuff to kind of be in alignment with you, but the reality is, if we can't control it, we can't control it. So we can only control we can only control what we can control, right? And we then have to decide, well, what are we going to do about these other things that are out of our control, that we kind of do need to be a certain way? What can we do about that? Which leads to the next question of, What support do I need? And be completely honest there too. Now the truth is, as you ask yourself these questions, you may end up listing out a whole bunch of needs that cannot be met right now. That's typical, but when you are clear on what you need and what needs to happen so that you can experience life the way you want to, then what also becomes clear is the support and shifts you need to get you there. And even if the support and shifts can't happen right now exactly as you want them to or need them to, you can make a plan or a roadmap that moves you in that direction little by little, and that's the key. The key is to move in the direction of where it is that you want to go as easily as possible. Of course. Yeah. What do you think? Do you need more on this? Tell me, please reach out if you need more on this, we're going to move on to fostering stability, if that's okay with you. Now, when I say fostering stability, I'm talking about the ability to tolerate difficulty and withstand adversity without becoming consumed by your emotions and responding reactively or running away, it's cultivating the emotional awareness to remain calm, to take a step back, to assess what's going on and reassess for new or different factors and act in a composed or at least purposeful way, and that's really hard to do if you're constantly in coping mode with little ease in between situations. And I know, I know that constantly in coping mode is becoming a way of life for many of us in our current world.
Old, but you know that you want better for us, and I want better for us. So we're going to talk about this the way that we build stability in our lives. It doesn't live on the shoulders of simply getting better at managing your shit. I'm gonna say that again, building stability in your life does not solely live on the shoulders of getting better at managing your shit. I hear that all the time. Sometimes I say it too, like, why can't I manage this better? Why am I having such a hard time with this? No, actually, the way you build stability in your life is by creating a more stable foundation for your daily life to live on, so that you aren't trying to manage your shit on top of a foundation that's always cracking with wind, constantly blowing through and shaking shit up. And so the way that you create a more stable foundation for your daily life to live on is through your routine self care practices, and where I want you to start. You know, kind of looking at a little bit differently is with your morning and evening routines. And you may be wondering why here? And that's because, typically, these are the times of day that we are most of the time, or spending the most of our time, giving our time away to shit that's draining us even further. And you know what I mean? It's the Doom scrolling in our head as well as on our phone. Because we don't just Doom scroll on our phone. We do scroll on our head too. You know, think about all the things that happened that shouldn't have gone that way, or that we should have done better, and we worry about shit that hasn't even happened yet. We do that in the morning, and we do that at night. You know, we delay getting our day started, but also lock into the stress either from the day before or that we anticipate is coming from the get go, or we do it before we go to bed at night, and sometimes at night, we're watching TV or consuming something, you know, in terms of TV or social media, whatever it is that might be adding more strife to us. And I'm not saying to you know, turn a blind eye and, you know, don't connect with the stuff that's out there, because we do, we need to, and also we need to protect. We need to protect that precious time before we go to bed, and that precious time when we first wake up, because we don't need to further dysregulate ourselves. You know, beyond what the world is already doing to us, we don't have to do that. We want to create an easeful day, or an easeful way for our day to start, and create a place for peaceful sleep to land. So the questions I have for you are, can you start your end end your day with something that instills softness and sweetness. Maybe something that feels grounding or spacious. Can you do something nourishing for you? So this is like bookending your day with stability. Starting your morning this way will give you goodness to lean on throughout the day, and then ending your day with it will give you just what you need to get some better sleep. And as you get started by doing one thing differently with time, you might see that time and energy naturally open up for you to do other things, for you to nourish yourself in the morning that will support your day, and then the same thing at the in the evening that will support your sleep. And remember, we're not going for ridges rigidness here. I can never say that word rigid. Rigidness or rigidity here, right? We are talking about just a little bit more regularity than maybe you've had. And for more on this topic, definitely check out the disruptors guide to self care. It's a free video download on my website that will walk you through establishing a more solid foundation for your self care in an easeful and sustainable way. And then, besides looking at your morning and evening routines, another way to create stability in your day is to move through the day with awareness and with intentional action, especially when it comes to yourself. And I know this is the hardest thing to do, because it's so easy to get caught up by the current of your day. And some days we can't help it, like we can't help the way that current takes us. And also sometimes fighting the current causes more harm than good. So this is for sure, going to be a work in progress over a lot of time, because the current ways that we've got kind of going for us. They're they're really ingrained in us. So remember, this one's all about the long game. It's not about getting it perfect from the start. So when and where you can have awareness. And make intentional actions that's gonna be key for you, and it's gonna look like noticing when a need pops up, and tend to it then or as soon as humanly possible. It may look like asking for help or saying no or not right now, or saying yes to what nourishes you, and maybe cutting yourself slack and doing B level work, because, honestly, that's what you can handle right now, me too, and it's good enough. And if any of this sounds familiar, it's because I'm referencing what we talked about in the last episode. So when it comes to letting B level work, be okay. This topic created such good conversation and ahas on Instagram when I posted about it the last couple of weeks. And so I'm really excited about that, because it's really important. Here's why so many of us are high achievers and even perfectionists, because we've had to be in order to achieve safety, security and success. I know for me, for many years, I pushed myself relentlessly in the pursuit of quote, unquote, being enough. I used to think I was a perfectionist by nature, but as I come to understand just how poisonous white supremacy culture is and how pervasive it is throughout all facets of society, I'm realizing I'm not a perfectionist by nature at all. It was all nurture, and you might be like but who nurtured that in you? Society did, and for me, it was a coping mechanism of sorts as I tried to be more and good and accepted, especially despite my brown skin. So when it comes to giving yourself permission to do B level work and releasing self judgment when you do it, this is going to look differently based on the individual. What works for me may not work for you, and that's okay, but I'm happy to share with you what I do in case it helps you. So for me, permission to do B level work comes in a few reminders. Number one, my average is a lot of people's way above average, and it's certainly better than any mediocre white man out there who doesn't care or maybe doesn't even really know he's mediocre. Number two, I do not have to run myself ragged for anything or anyone, not even my kids. And number three, running myself ragged to quote, unquote, do my best is counterproductive, and in the end, was my effort or what I did really my best, right? Also another way you look at this wait, which may feel more concrete to you, is this question that I asked myself, Do I have enough spoons in the drawer to do this thing the way I want to or the way I think I should do? I have enough spoons for either of those scenarios to do this the way I want, or the way I think I should. And then the follow up question to that is, Do I have enough spoons in the drawer to do this at all? And I think the reason this perspective really helps people is because it feels more tangible like it's actually based on facts. Because the reality is, if you only have four spoons in the drawer, and you've already used three of them, then you have to decide if once the one spoon you have will cut it, and if you're in a situation where you you've, at this point, you've used all your spoons, well, then the answer is going to have to be no. And I know some of you are real magicians, and we'll be like, well, Steph, then I guess I'll have to either wash a spoon to have the tool or energy that I need, or I'll have to make a knife or a fork work. And you absolutely can you already do, make do with what you've got available to you. But the question then is, at what energetic and Time Expense. Is that happening like in to you, and can you afford it? The answer may be, sometimes yes and other times No, and it's important to start to honor the No, especially for the foreseeable future, as you begin to rebuild your energetic and time sources and navigate all that's ahead this fall, I all, okay, my friends, the last two, are very quick recognize all the ways you're showing up for the people, the work, the situation that the cause you believe in. You've got to take time to do this. It's way more than you are giving yourself credit for. And I want you to take time to do this, recognizing every day. But here's the catch, what you're not allowed to do is say, Oh, but I wish I would have done more, or I wish I would have done this differently. When differently means more,
because it's okay if you realize you could have done things differently if what you ended up doing. Saying was not a proper fit, and that happens all the time, but you are not allowed to wish that you did things differently and mean more. No, no, because, in my opinion, that line of thinking is a very light way of gaslighting yourself, and we're not here for that. This leads me to the last caveat here, which is, quit giving energy away to guilt about what you haven't been able to show up for. You can only do so much, my friend, and it is not your job to do it all. Right, this world is not going to change just by one person's actions. You don't have to do it all, no matter what society or anyone else tells you. And this leads me to my next and last, final offering. Actually, no, there's one after this. It's a bonus. But this one, do your work, the thing the showing up, and then rest or take a break. So have conversations around voting. Get involved in local politics. Support, organize, go to work, support your people, and then rest or take a break. As I always say, start with 30 seconds, a minute, five minutes, whatever you can make happen, but do it and wherever you can make it happen. The more you do it and get comfortable with it, the less it the less difficult it feels, and the more you let yourself feel safe in doing this, the more time will open in the future. I promise it just does. So I always tell you, take your rest where you can get it in between, emails in between, meetings in between. You know, when you're waiting to pick somebody up or to go somewhere, just take a little bit for yourself. So I don't just mean you'll do your work and then rest at the end of the day. Insert the rest during your day and whatever it is you're doing. And remember, rest can look very different. It can be closing your eyes for a moment. It could be a few breaths. It could be listening to your favorite song. It could be so many things, not just napping or sleeping. Now, my friend, as all of this settles in your mind and your body and your being, I have one bonus offering for you, and here's the question, imagine what would be possible for our world if the people who have been tasked with caring for supporting and uplifting others were able to come back to their own agency, if they were the most cared for people, if they were able to care for themselves first, or were resource enough to actually be heard, because we are in a moment when we need to be awakened in our bodies. And I keep saying it with everything you've experienced and endured this year. It goes without saying that you're tired, and you know there's important work to be done, but like I said earlier, you may be feeling any combo of overwhelmed, numb, disconnected, uncertain, triggered, exhausted, or maybe feeling like you've got to survive in turning away from everything. But I know you, you're not one to turn away for long, to stay silent or opt out of any fight, and yet, showing up sustainably and effectively requires us getting back into our bodies for you to remember what you're capable of and remaining grounded and resourced, which is the opposite of what most of us are doing these days. Let's be real. So my question to you is, how would this fall season be different if you finally committed to getting yourself there, to that resourced place? I created a brand new online offering this fall called the resourced crew. Recoup your energy here so that you can show up authentically in the service of others, offer meaningful support, create the work and change you want, create safer environments and stability for those who are important to you and love on yourself the way you want to. I want you, I encourage you, I invite you to cultivate safety, stability, connection, care and presence within yourself so that you can remain grounded as you advocate for yourself and others and resource as you show up to the causes you care about most, as well as in your day to day obligations, my friends, we start September 25 and you can find all the details at Steff gallante.com, forward slash the dash resource, dash crew, the links to all things are in the show notes. I cannot wait to see you there. As always, my friends, please, please, please, until the next time we talk, be kind to yourself, just as you would to those who are most important to you, whether that's a human, an animal, baby or a plant. And I love always to hear from you, whatever your thoughts are about anything that I've offered in this episode. Sewed. So please reach out and if you've been loving this show, I hope that you'll share it with anybody that's in your circle and leave a review or a rating. I'm really so glad we are here together in this time and space. Remember you are a badass and you are deserving of your unconditional love, grace and compassion. So cut out the crap and get out of your own way and give it to yourself. Be well you.
