This is the second day of this June 2024 seven day sesshin. And today, I'm going to continue with reading from a collection of teachings by Tongan Harada Roshi, titled throw yourself into the house of Buddha which is to say throw yourself into this just this this very moment this very body that's the body of Buddha just as it is no matter the conditions that we're experiencing conditions always come and go. Life doesn't happen the way we want it to. It's only just as it is
why do we add complications
when we're feeling tired, we take a nap. When the warning bell sounds, we get up, we put on a robe come to the Zendo.
When the rain falls, we grab an umbrella
if the milk spills, we clean it up. No problem. Just responding naturally without resistance.
Today, I'm going to jump to chapter eight, which is titled The illusion of a separate self
Tongan Roshi says How does it happen? How do we fail to see our essential nature? When we were babies, we had no sense of opposition. For a baby, everything is me, there is no division, no duality. When it is hungry, it eats. When it is sleeping, it sleeps is the baby awakened. Of course the baby is not lost in a dream of separation. But it state is not complete. A baby is totally self absorbed, it must steadily grow. Yet with growth, the child learns to live by the discriminating mind and develops a sense of eye. With growth comes the growth of the intellect and ego grasping the sense of self and separation increases as we learn language. Everything that is not me is other opposition, duality. We come to perceive everything to be outside ourselves. I want what is over there. I want this I want that. So what he is describing here is just the condition of being human. Being a social animal. We are social animals. We position we position ourselves in relation to others
So there's then I want with they have I want what I lack but of course what we think we lack is all based on comparisons appearances and this is the way of thinking that fuels so much of our dissatisfaction in life frustration even jealousy which can generate so much division so much opposition all through thoughts
It's really amazing to to recognize that our very sense of identity how we define ourselves is a cluster of thoughts the same with how we see others
we say I miss your that. But it's thoughts and have no substance
that has substance
Tong and Roshi says the child becomes smarter and smarter. A sharp mind and exacting intellect mean a lot in this world. Being smart, you can get ahead material materially being smart, you can get ahead materially, you can make a name for yourself, you can rise to a high position. Is that bad? It's not a question of good and bad. Some use their intellectual growth for food, and some don't. That depends. Alright, let me back up some use their intellectual intellectual growth for good and some don't. That depends on the aspiration and intention of the individual. So are we using our abilities selflessly, like in service to others? Or are we using them to elevate our status, get a leg up or some degree of both?
Until full enlightenment, none of us can say that we're completely free of delusion. We all have work to do on this
even when we're trying to help somebody maybe help someone cross the street. Is there a trace of do good in there? I'm a do gooder. Do you feel good about yourself after doing it? Or is there just the doing just responding? Doing what needs to be done?
Tongan Roshi continues. Everyone falls into the trap of dividing reality into pieces. There is an old saying as a child learns to live by its mind, it moves farther and farther from Buddha. We simply learn to treat this little I idea or me idea as the host as the center of the year. universe, we just can't help but to favor and indulge this self that we imagined to exist you know, at the same time to reality does have a function
through the lens of, say anthropology or psychology, we can understand the process of developing a separate self as really necessary in order for us to survive in the world. As I said, we are social beings just like, you know cows and sheep, apes, bees, ants, social creatures. If we didn't have a sense of self, we didn't have an individual identity. We wouldn't be able to negotiate and navigate the world. We'd be overstepping boundaries, getting into all sorts of trouble. We couldn't even take care of our basic needs. Not just food and shelter, but the need for personal space, the need for nurturing relationships
in the field of philosophy, there are all different kinds of definitions of what of what it means to be human. And one of the more classic ones is that of Aristotle. He defined human as the rational animal meaning the the quality that sets us apart from other animals is our ability to apply logic and reason. It's a big part of our conditioning.
Although when you look at human behavior, you can also see that we also have the propensity to think and act in ways that completely defy reason. easily duped into believing falsehoods.
Falling for group think banding together with like minded others. This is all kind of grasping in that we're looking outside ourselves. We're looking for affirmation from others. And that's a big part of our conditioning as well as social beings. We operate as a collective, not just independently.
And from the vantage point of Zen, there's, there's another definition of human that resonates much more than much more with what the Buddha taught. It's from a philosopher named Kenneth Burke. And he said that human is the symbol using and symbol misusing animal. And that's to say that what distinguishes humans is not our ability for reason, but our use of language, our use of it and our misuse of it. And of course, we can say that one of the ways we misuse it is to claim to claim two words, labels, images,
To mistake them for actual direct experience. Words are not the same as experience. There's a Zen proverb, words missed the mark.
And this work that we're doing here in sesshin, all this Zen. So what's going to help us to get underneath the words underneath the thoughts and ideas? To experience life to experience our bodies cleanly purely. Without without any labels or filter
as Tongan Roshi goes on, he says more about the way we humans are socialized, to see ourselves as separate and apart. As well as lacking something. He says, almost everyone, as they reach adulthood, carries inside them a sense of lack, something is missing, something is not quite right. At first, we try to satisfy our Miria desires to get rid of this sense of lack. If only I could have things my way, I would have no further complaints. I know exactly what I need. But if you get one, you desire two, if you get two, you desire three, four, it's never enough. Again, trying to work our way up. We cannot ultimately be satisfied by getting what we want. And yet some people spend all their lives thinking that gratifying desires is what being human is about. So what he's describing is known as he Donek adaptation in psychology, constantly looking for more for the next thing. The next thing that we think will bring us peace, comfort, happiness. And then we get it, it's still not enough, we move on to the next. One kind of addiction really.
He goes on, then, once we have been able to polish our special talents and strains, been able to study and to learn, had jobs that we have given our all to, we have made our way in the world. We have looked at things from all angles, seeking to understand what it is all about. We have seen how painful it can be to make our way in life. We have experienced the difficulty of human relationships, it should be easier. But somehow it just isn't. Those people who humor us, those who we perceive to be of benefit to us, we like and favor and become attached to them. In other words, we align with people that we believe to be of our kind our tribe. Then he says on the other hand, there are those people who do not particularly recognize us who overlook us or ignore us who do not treat us as we would like to be treated. Did or that are just not the way we want them to be. These people, we regard to some degree or another as enemies. As those were against us, we don't like them, they irritate us and get on our nerves
whether it's things or people it's true, our habitual way is to chase after what we like, and reject or run away from what we don't. We also invent melodramas involving those that we label as our enemies, so to speak, and allies we may even take the attitude at times telling ourselves, if you're not with me, then you're against me. It's my way or the highway. And again, these divisions that we sell, are part of our conditioning our conditioning as social beings, so it doesn't help to beat up yourself judge yourself for it wallow in self pity. But what really does help is to throw ourselves into our practice. Stay on the path don't let up
steady calmly, keep returning, keep returning to more to this to who
yet
the breadth
to that which is beyond words beyond labels.
As Tangen-roshi continues, he talks about other ways that we cling to self, he says, We try various ways of self improvement, self help, help yourself to grow, take good care of yourself, and you will be a happier person. This is the message there are all sorts of examples of this way of thinking. And there is nothing really wrong with it. But of course, the object of self improvement is the imagined limited self and we are all still grasping for it. for all it's worth.
In this culture, self improvement is a whole industry, so much money to be made off of selling it, how to do it. We're constantly bombarded with messages telling us how to look and feel better. Not only reinforces the thought that we're lacking something and the thought that we need to pursue self interests this can even happen in such sheen, this pursuit of self interest. Notice if you're looking for ways to comfort yourself for example, by mentally kind of checking out of sesshin during Keohane or during a break period
when you're in your bedroom, or if you go for a walk outside where's your practice? Where's your mind?
Tongan Roshi says we have tried to be kind and caring. Our intention is to be of service to others. Even so, we are still working from the standpoint of ego. As long as we are attached to a separate self, we cannot live in clarity. And dissatisfaction remains. If we didn't have this human body and mind, we wouldn't be able to reflect on ourselves in this way. In the sense, it is more comfortable to be a cat or some other animal without self awareness that can live more or less happily idle. It's interesting because cats and dogs, and cows and the like they're social animals, too. They form litters and packs and herds. They don't seem to cling to things the way we do. Or at least not to the extent that we do.
For example, a dog can suffer an injury, maybe injure its foot, let's say, and it'll still wag its tail and give its full attention to you.
tangan Roshi then says, the source of all this anguish is the sense of separation, we have this illusion of a separate self, and we mistake this shadow for the real thing. Thus, we cannot possibly help but imagine separation, we cannot help but create barriers are seeing is limited. And limits are what we see. Well, every human being is in fact, reality itself. Almost all of us live in such a way that we cast aside this precious life. Most people don't understand that they are turning their backs on life. And so and so they are blown this way, and that way by the winds of circumstance, lost in discrimination, judgment and confusion. One becomes resigned to this fate. How sad that almost everyone meets their death in this way.
How Fortunate are we to have found another way to have found this path
to have found a way to turn inward
Okay, next I'm going to jump to another chapter it's chapter 15 titled investigation
tangan Roshi begins human beings are thinking creatures always thinking, we are free to think, but it creates in us this notion that this being who thinks is a solid and fixed me separate from everything else we get lost in discriminating thought falsely perceiving something that does not exist this perspective from which most people look is what we call delusion it is easy to make the mistake of thinking this is me my body I am here I have a certain amount of knowledge I have the habit of doing this and that I have certain skills I can use to get things done we believe it we hold on to it and then we feel incomplete estranged from something fundamental to fill this void we look outside for the things we want worldly things we spend our whole life in pursuit of things that will not satisfy us that will not solve this big problem all suffering originates with the notion of a separate self. But when you do suffer that is when you start to seek liberation from suffering when you do suffer that is when you start to seek liberation from suffering so all is well it all leads to the truth
this is important to remember we wouldn't be on this path I wouldn't be here right now and so sheen if we didn't long for a sense of wholeness and completion so that we think that we're not already that that we don't already have that or don't measure up is what got us here yet it's a thought thoughts bring us to practice Thank goodness for thoughts
and it's it's true that in in some ways thoughts are our friends
they do tend to stop over quite frequently uninvited. But that's okay. I once read somewhere that in a single day, we have something like 60,000 thoughts I don't know how accurate that is but it's a lot of uninvited guests
and it's okay we don't have to kick them out we also don't have to invite them to stay for as long as they want can just let them pass through pass on by we let them be they tend to not stick around for very long if we don't pay attention to them they leave on their own
we can coexist with thoughts they're not an enemy that we have to banish says Sheen is not going into battle with our thoughts
thoughts our thoughts just as birds or birds, trees or trees it's all landscape it's all mind it's okay
it doesn't matter what the content of our thoughts are. They're all on an equal playing field are all thoughts
Tang and Roshi then says In the beginning, we are absorbed in ego self and we fail to see our true nature we feel happy and sad, we cry and we get angry, we think that there is a stable steady fixed master who is experiencing all of this, but it is not. So, it is all a drama, we come out on a stage and play our role and when the drama is over, we change our clothes, take off our makeup, drop all of that and return to the form of the actor outside the role. One way of looking at it is that we have been acting all our life since we were born. So who is acting true nature an ancient teacher had this to say the moment there appeared that which I thought not to exist that which I always thought to exist no longer was
things are things because of mind. His mind is mind because of things.
Then, skipping ahead a bit tangan Roshi says this notion of AI what is it? What is behind this notion? If you can find it, please show me. You might say, well, there's this body here. Really? Isn't this in part, the rice gruel from this morning? Or the granola from this morning? You cannot put that At rice gruel aside and come here and say this is me if you look into it very closely, you find that you can put nothing aside and say this is me nothing can be put aside we exist thanks to everything inter interdependent with all things
so, this being that we refer to as I or me extends far beyond the shell of our skin
it includes flowers, windows, trees frogs teacups can go on and on
even though things by appearance, they seem to be separate, and they seem to be static just like our sense of self and other that's not the whole of it
and then Tangen-roshi asks, How do you answer when you are faced with a question about this AI? Is this AI BIG or LITTLE? Is it long or short?
Young old middle aged
female, male, non binary Is it black, white, brown? Is it left handed or right handed? So many labels
then he says, Where is this eye when no thought arises? In other words, where is this eye when our thoughts are no thoughts
if you see clearly through this small notion of eye and look from the perspective of true mind without the clouds of delusion, then your ability to think will be just one more shining facet of life. That's why all that is needed is for you to cut through discriminating thought. That is why you must investigate very carefully. This notion of me your investigation is a form of one doing the Zen posture is the most settled quiet posture for this investigation. But you can do it anywhere, anytime. That's so important. You can do it during sesshin can do it while working while eating while resting. Going to the bathroom is not a single moment But you cannot access it
we need to stay intimate with the question intimate with our practice
then he says, boil down your investigation to the most basic question in order to discover whether or not there is a self what is truth? What is life? What am I? Or what is it? What is this? What is more reach the point where you ask this question where you are no longer able to look away, to look out there to some other place for an answer. Each person has some pain, some suffering that fuels their aim to solve this problem, which forces them to seek an answer. It's a fire burning inside. Who is breathing this breath? Who or what or where is your sanctuary, your guardian, your truth? The truth is limitless. Beyond duality, beyond, inside and outside, you won't meet with truth or answer your question by searching restless Mu restlessly do realistically you must become this breath. The fathomless universe is this one breath and you can meet with the one who nurtures you, you can meet with the one who breathes this breath
be like a full an idiot, a child but even more of a child than a child. investigate this one matter. If you continue this way without rest, your mind will suddenly become bright. Like a flash of light in the dark. Take a room that was dark for 100 years or cave dark for 1000s of years and light a candle there in an instant, the cave is enlightened, wonderful indeed.
Be like a child even more than a child let go a go of everything you know let go of your foreknowledge your opinions
a child that is more than a child is full of wonder and awe not knowing seeing for the first time.
So what happens when you become more of a child and a child Tangen-roshi says then you are free. The notion of a separate me drops away in the letting go of body and mind free. You move about in a Samadhi of play a Samadhi of innocent delight. You are blended totally with that with whatever you encounter. When you reach this point for yourself There is no more separation, just the genuine one using the discriminating function when needed. Yeah. Even when you're in a deep state of concentration, we don't, we don't lose our ability to function. We don't lose our ability to use our discriminating mind when we're working, we need to use it. When vacuuming the carpet, got to make sure that you suck up all the lint. When following a recipe, gotta make sure you have all the ingredients in all the right quantities. There's no harm in that. That's all okay. That's our true nature functioning. But when we're not using, we're not using our discriminating mind then just give yourself to the question that's all that's needed.
He then says, about this true nature, functioning. Anytime, anywhere you stride along, your arms, swinging or weaken, say just moving naturally. Without contrivance leisurely composed, you are moving in reverence in worship of everything. The Samadhi of play doesn't mean that you play in order to escape something. It doesn't mean that you are trying to satisfy your own notions of what you think would make you happy. It is pure play. Blending as one with whatever you encounter. The genuine one is at play. Yet taking full responsibility for the world. Doing what needs to be done. Practice doesn't need to be grim and serious.
If we find we're in that mode, chances are, we're straining. Try a different way. Walk more lightly
keep letting go. flow freely. Not caring about what others may think. Just doing what you're doing. Know mindedly as the days go by in such sheen, aerosol Zen has this kind of accumulating effect where we feel this greater sense of ease or we can say play so even if you're feeling sluggish or tired at times, or bored impatient as long as you're just doing the best you can to keep returning to your practice. That's all that matters. Don't let passing conditions derail you everything passes everything.
