2023-09-06 Wise Listening (3 of 5) Listening from the Heart

2:59PM Sep 7, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

listening

listen

freedom

deep

imaginary lines

boulder

hold

voice

gently

goodness

attuned

hear

larger

letting

divesting

pausing

petrified

control

dissolve

idea

So good morning, hello. On this Wednesday morning. And the third talk on wise listening. They could do just as well maybe call it caring listening with care. But why is listening. And there's a story in the Ramayana, when the great classics of Indian literature and religion have Rama going for a walk, walking in the forest. And Rama, here's a very faint voice. And he can't quite hear what it is. But he's listening and getting very quiet, very still, maybe stands still. So you can listen to that was this voice he hears in the forest. And he still can't quite hear what it's saying. But after a while, he gets some sense of, from where it's the voice is coming. And it guides him to walk in that direction, kind of follows, the voice listens. And as he gets closer to the source, he begins hearing what the voice is saying. And it's saying his name, Rama, Rama, and he listens, and he goes closer and closer finally comes his very large boulder. And, and it seems like the voice is coming from inside the boulder. And, and so then he puts, he gently puts his hand touches the boulder, at which point, the boulder kind of dissolves. And there's a a, a woman emerges out of that boulder. And, and they greet and they somehow I don't know how their story goes beyond that. But in a sense. He meets himself that part of himself, which is petrified, that's locked in, that's a frozen that's hidden and lost to me even himself. And so this idea that there is some if you're listening, care if we know how to listen, or the equivalent is to send sort of feel where the listening is not through the filter of our desires, filters of our ideas of self and the conceits we have about how terrible we are wonderful we are or how you know, that define and limit ourselves. That there's no hindrances into listening, there's no aversion, no agitation, no spinning of stories and, and bringing along the luggage of the past the memories. But just to learn how to listen to peaceful, quiet, deep way, not even listening with the ears, but listening with a whole body or listening with the heart. And there is within us something that is calling us maybe not with our name. But for the in the language of the Buddha, it's the dharma that's coming here, come here, come here invites us to come invites us to investigate. And so come and see, Come and see. So if you listen to this kind of sometimes very subtle voice, it's within this message from within, and then follow it to get closer to it, sense it until we can do the equivalent of putting our hands gently on it. The image that I like is the idea of cupping our hands together and coming underneath and just holding what's there with support. Sometimes what's deep inside is fear. Sometimes it's sorrow, sometimes it's hurt, just to hold it gently. And, and and then whatever is petrified whatever is frozen, whatever is locked within has a chance to dissolve. And, and so here we have a story of listening deeply. listening and hearing and listening going along with what we're hearing. And and so the role of listening Some people will say that listening requires some degree of letting go of control. You know, if we don't like what we're seeing, we can close our eyes. And we can look away. You know, in a sense, maybe we can't do the same thing with the years, we can, you know, you can put a guest as guests, you can put earplugs in, cover your ears, but the, the ears are just more kind of open to what's there. And so to yield control what you hear, there's a loss of letting go of control of a certain type, when we, and that's a part of the challenge of really good listening, is that balance between the control to listen, and the letting go of control of what we're hearing. And then if we're listening to ourselves in a deep way, the same kind of balance of having enough control of ourselves to be able to really listen. But in such a way that we're letting go of control of what we're listening to, that we allow what's listening, we're listening, sensing feeling, to show itself. And so this is where this wonderful poem by Walt Whitman, much of it is wonderful, I think, and called a song of the open road. And so So here are the kind of the middle of the long poem. Start from this sentence. It's who said this, from this our freedom with an exclamation mark. So from this hour, freedom. From this hour, I ordained myself loosened of limits and imaginary lines, listening to others. And considering well what they say, pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating, gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holes, that would hold me, I inhale droughts of space, the East and the West are mined, and the north and south are mine, I am larger, better than I thought, I did not know, I held so much goodness, all seems beautiful to me. So they're here, we have this really wonderful combination of letting go of here he's called it holds attachments. Letting go of control, even at the same time, a very clear sense of being in charge of oneself. First, he makes his very strong statement that it's kind of like a promise or a state assertion that, from now on, I'm going to be free. And how we can say that with confidence, because you can't just make yourself free, of course. But I think that he's seeing something inside of himself some capacity, not to hold himself, not to not to hold himself in bondage not to keep himself from his own inner freedom. And I ordained myself loosened of limits and imaginary lines, this is the grayed out of Buddhism, that we limit ourselves with our thoughts, our constructs, the imaginary lines, definitions that we use to understand ourselves, the world around us and people. And,

and then he's going to listen to others. So he's not saying the result of his freedom music, and he could do whatever he wants, overriding people and not caring for them. The first thing he says he's going to do with his freedom is to listen to others. And considering Well, what they say, I hear this to be wishing the guy to be giving them the benefit of the doubt and listen well and what listening well means for me, is you want to listen below their words. You want to listen even below the surface emotions that's driving their words. Listen to either their goodness, that's deep inside. Listen to the pain which is deep inside. Listen to that potential for goodness and freedom from pain that's deep inside every one. Everyone, listen to that. So that in their listening, you may be beginning to awaken that poss possibility of freedom in them. So first thing with this freedom, he says is that he's kind of listen to others pausing, searching, receiving contemplating and divesting himself of what holds that would hold me. And then after that, you know, after listening, then he talks about just infinite space, becoming everything becoming large and spacious. When he's let go of what holds him his attachments, then there's a feeling of expansiveness. And I am larger and better than I thought, I did not know I held so much goodness, imagine listening to others. In a way, you know that they are better than they've ever thought. So the third guideline for speaking that Buddha gave is, speak in a way that goes right to the heart, touches other people's hearts, touches your own heart. So with listening, listen from the heart. Listen in a way that touches the hearts of others. Listen in a way that you have let go of your attachments. So you can be attuned to the possibility potential for freedom, and peace and happiness that others have. Because if we're only reacting to the surface, to their anger, to their bitterness, to their complaints, to their fears, through anxieties. We don't want to deny those and not see it did not understand that. But if we only listened to that, we kind of stay at that level, it might even reinforce that. That that's all that's all that counts. That's all there is. But if you can listen to what's deeper, who listen in a way that touches their hearts. Listen from a way that you're listening from your heart from your capacity for a deeper tenderness, a deeper love a deeper care. And maybe then you can begin doing the work that ultimate Minh says, pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating that may be allows you to be attuned to how they are larger, better than you think. But also, they're better than they thought ever thought that maybe you discover that they hold a lot of goodness. But maybe your gift is you see that they hold more goodness than they ever realized. And you appreciate that you appreciate them. That's what allows this affirming of the goodness of others is recognizing. It's amazing what that makes room for and allow us to happen and come forth, that we're not come forth, if we remain in our reactivity to them or in darker trying to control them or fix them. So to listen well, to listen to what calls you in the forest deep inside and to listen to what's deep inside in the forest of others. May we all listen to each other well, and in that listening, bring forth the best in all of us. Thank you