2023-08-23-Gil-Joy of Compassion (3 of 5) Joy of Appreciation

6:19PM Aug 23, 2023

Speakers:

Gil Fronsdal

Keywords:

appreciation

compassion

world

respect

people

compassionate

clerk

autonomy

delight

wonderful

medicine

compassionately

easy

joy

headlong

recognition

find

appreciated

checkout clerk

obligation

So here continuing with third talk on the joy of compassion. And perhaps it's easiest to understand that this third kind of joy, related to compassion. And that is the joy of appreciation. And when and when we appreciate others, when we appreciate anything, ourselves included, appreciation has a kind of a positive feeling to it. It's an uplifting feeling. It's an opening feeling. It's it's a delightful feeling. And the delight of appreciation delight of saying, Oh, this is good, this is valuable, this is something I care for this is something that is important. And this is something that is well done. And this is something I celebrate. So this idea of appreciation usually comes with a positive disposition, a positive feeling. And so it may be easier to find the joy of compassion this way. And, and this means that it's actually important to practice appreciation or find how to appreciate others. If we're going to be compassionate. I think it's easy enough to feel obligated to be compassionate, and to feel that we feel the suffering of the world or suffering of others. And we kind of are buffeted by it, or are oppressed by it or contracted or tense because of it. And we feel like I have to do something I have to be compassionate. And so one way or the other, there's a headlong movement into compassion, into doing compassion, doing what seems like the right thing to do doing the helpful thing. But it's not headlong we want to be we want to be heart long moving in with a heart, we want to ideally take time, so that we're not doing compassionate out of obligation, we're not doing it as a should, that we have to kind of now deal with things. But we want to do certainly want to act compassionately in the world, because let that compassion be a flowering of what's wonderful within us, a flowering of something, which is medicine for the world. And the world does not need more people who feel the weight and the heaviness of obligation and its responsibility and, and that kind of headlong, you know, attack on the causes of people suffering or something. The world needs us to address the suffering, but to do it in a way that's medicine for the world that's, that supports it that's healing for the world and, and brings out the best and best in people. And so appreciation for me, is one of those qualities to take the time to appreciate. And of course, sometimes it's hard to appreciate others. So that to the kind of in the same categories appreciation, I think of as I think is respect that to respect everyone to express their respect their autonomy, their dignity, their value, respect their potential, to, even if we disagree with someone, even if we feel like what they're doing is wrong. We never want to condemn people. We never want to have hostility towards anyone. Rather, we want to have respect, and with respect or with appreciation, to say no, with with respect and appreciation of who someone is and say, you know, I appreciate you I care about you. But no, you cannot do this. This is not right. But the person clearly feels that we're not condemning them, we're not closing them down. We're not judging all of who they are is like good that you're now a bad person or wrong person. Always. So if you can't find real appreciation, maybe we could come to find a place of respect. And that relates to ourselves as well, that if we can't find appreciation for ourselves, can we at least respect ourselves? Vector basic human dignity, basic human value, autonomy. The and there are professions in the world where the fundamental ethical attitude that people are supposed to have, the doctors and nurses and medical folks is to have always respect the dignity, respect for the autonomy of people they're supporting. They might not love them, but, but they still have that respect. And so, appreciation, respect, taking the time for that, of finding out where, you know, and sometimes that's all as needed as a little bit of time, I've been struck many times by how easy it is to rush through the supermarket line, where the clerk is there, and you know, kind of just not really take time to, to take in the clerk. But then other times where I take my time, and the, you know, the extra second or two, to look at the checkout clerk in the eye, or appreciate them or ask a simple question, you know, how are you or, you know, some some little comment that makes a human connection, and how there's a can be a spark of kind of familiarity of recognition of something really nice, that happens, that doesn't come with any requirement, if that means it means or anything else, or implies anything else, and just a recognition over, you know, of kindness or appreciation. Many people are not appreciated enough in our society. And so one way to cultivate appreciation, greater appreciation for others, is actually to take the time to appreciate folks say, Thank you, that was well done, or that was helpful, or, you know, that wasn't, that was wonderful, thank you or find ways to appreciate people and and say it and find out what goes on inside of you. That it resists the expression of appreciation. I know for me, sometimes it's been a bear embarrassment, sometimes it's been, well, if I appreciate them, they're gonna want more from me, and I'm kind of opening up myself to kind of not be taken advantage of, or, or it'll seem Paul seemed pollyannish or something. But learning to find a way to in a healthy way appropriate way to appreciate people because a lot of people are under appreciated for who they are. And, and I think there's a, a huge kind of starvation of appreciation in many corners of our world. And so to offer appreciation helps to kind of move and, and oil, the gears of appreciation inside of ourselves. And what I found is that, as I've appreciated people more, it seems to be kind of natural to appreciate myself. Not that I'm trying extra to do it. But just as there's more space to do it more room, more or less, kind of being caught up in the negativity of life and the version of how things are. appreciation is a beautiful thing. So that but it takes time. And I'd like to propose that kind of healthy compassion takes time, slow down. Wait before you act compassionately, and see if you can have a little heightened awareness, a little heightened attunement, and a heightened appreciation. And in doing that, finding the joy, the delight, the positivity, the lightness, the ease, the openness. It's a beautiful thing, to be compassionate. It's wonderful to find that wonderfulness, it's wonderful to find that beauty that sweetness. It's medicine for the world, it's medicine for ourselves. So So today if you'd like to experiment or extract yourself in this regard, see if there's simple ways and underscore the word simple. So so because it can get complicated if it's if it's complicated or, or really big the appreciation, but in simple ways appreciate hate the people around you. I apprec appreciate strangers, appreciate people who are helping you and clerks or stores or places of work or anything.

Offer appreciation and see what happens to you, as you appreciate others learn about yourself, as you appreciate. So thank you. And I certainly appreciate that all of you are here that you're listening, you're engaged in this, these, this, this practice, and that in certain ways, we all support each other, to show up here for this teachings and be together and, and it's, I feel like it's a wonderful thing and, and it's been one of the, you know, bright lights of the pandemic as we went through it and now we continue it's just a wonderful thing. So thank you and look forward to tomorrow.