Think you could say here, an image that's used in Zen or an experience in the moonlight of wisdom. For those of you who have Moon as a part of your dharma name, this, this moonlight of wisdom is, is to be treasured. Then I gathered up all my energy and willpower and tried to stop the flow of light as I might have tried to stop breathing. What happened was a disturbance, something like a whirlpool, but it was still flooded with light. At all events, I couldn't keep this up very long, perhaps only for two or three seconds. And when this was going on, I felt a sort of anguish, as though I were doing something forbidden something against light life, it was exactly as if I needed light to live needed it as much as air. There was no way out of it. I was the prisoner of light, I was condemned to see. At eight I came out of this experiment reassured with the sense that I was being reborn, since it was not I who was making the light. Since it came to me from outside, it would never leave me. I was only a passageway, a vestibule for this brightness, the seeing I was in me. Just a comment here, I think in practice, we have a tendency to take so much responsibility for, you know, coming to awakening as if we could command it out of I don't know where but and he is his experience here. It was not I was making the light. It is not I who makes the the true nature the awareness. It's still, there were times when the light faded almost to the point of disappearing. It happened every time I was afraid. If instead of letting myself be carried along by confidence and throwing myself into things I hesitated, calculated, thought about the wall, the half open door, the key in the lock. If I said to myself that all these things were hostile, and about to strike or scratch. Then without exception, I hit or wounded myself. The only easy way to move around the house, the garden or the beach was by not thinking about it at all, or thinking as little as possible. Then I move between obstacles the way they say bats do what the loss of my eyes had not accomplished was brought about by fear. It made me blind, anger and impatient had the same effect, throwing everything into confusion. The minute before I knew just where everything in the room was. But if I got angry, things got angrier than I they went and hid in the most unlikely corners, mixed themselves up turned turtle muttered like crazy man and looked wild. As for me, I no longer knew where to put hand off foot. Everything hurt me. This mechanism worked so well that I became cautious when I was playing with my small companions, if I suddenly grew anxious to win, to be first at all costs, then all at once I could see nothing. Literally I went into fog or smoke. I could no longer afford to be jealous or unfriendly because as soon as I was a bandage came down over my eyes, and I was bound hand and foot and cast aside. All at once a black hole opened and I was helpless inside it. But when I was happy and serene approached people with confidence and thought well of them, I was rewarded with light So it is surprising that I love Is it surprising that I loved friendship and harmony when I was very young? Armed with such a tool, why should I need a moral code? For me this tool took the place of red and green lights. I always knew where the road was open and where it was closed. I had only to look at the bright signal which taught me how to live live.