Straight out the darkness I came from the grave I was forged in hell fire found purpose in pain
one in the same. Everybody What is going on? Welcome to Episode 73 of ftg podcasts. Always good to be behind the mic. Yeah, man. So what do we got going here? Same stuff moving and grooving through life when there's nothing serious to report. I think that's good. You know, what's going on with you? Nothing much man. Same stuff, you know, and I don't sometimes it can be a cop out, right? Sometimes it can be a cop out can be dishonest, I don't want to be honest and let somebody in. But at the end of the day, if there's really not much to report, I found that that's peace. You know, we just get down with the daily disciplines of life. And you know, it used to be really wavy, highs were high and lows were low. And most of the time when you're high, you never want it to end. And when you're low, you never think you're gonna be up again. but life goes on. Right? So I've been thinking about this aspect of division a lot in my in my life lately. And at the end of the day, it's really just, I think it was Eckhart Tolle has written a book and he said, absolute peace or enlightenment is when there's complete balance and harmony between what you what you think, what you say, and what you do. Right. And I doubt you know, if there was one man who ever did that, and lived a perfect life, and we hung them on a cross, I don't, I don't think I'll ever achieve that. But when you start to get perspective on yourself, or at least you know, what, what meditation is done, for me, it's a double edged sword. Because, you know, that's the goal and you want harmony, you don't feel good about yourself, when you you kind of whatever know what's right to do. And then you don't do it, you get a little a little dig, you know, a little cell dies type thing. And meditation has become a double edged sword because it exposes you more to a wider view, like within yourself, so you become more sensitive to that stuff, you can see it happening. And you can either dodge that, or listen to it. And the more I dodge it, the more I create division within me, you know, I never thought that pain was going to be a paradigm shift. I never thought pain was going to be the entrance into a new way of life, right? And it's like, you've got different levels of going against yourself. One is getting right with dishonesty, leveling things out where when we're dishonest, it creates this divide within us, right, this division. And, you know, addicts and alcoholics are the substance of division. I mean, you think about this, right? Every addict comes to a place where like, my life is a mess. And I don't want to have to drink. But I must. So many want to stop. But can't. That's probably the saddest thing ever said. So many want to stop, but can't. So this is like, the most potent aspect of division. Right? In a house divided against itself cannot stand. That's Mark 325 says it kingdom divided against itself will not rise in a house divided against itself cannot stand right makes perfect sense. Now, if I got a spirit or a heart or soul, whatever you want to call it spirit that longs for purity, honesty, love, right? If you were to ask anybody, hey, what do you want? You know, most of the time we're going to be I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy. And then you would ask, Are you happy? Not Not really. You know, if, if I were to ask you right now, are you embodying the high version of yourself, are you the woman you're truly you truly would like to be? Are you moving towards her? Are you compromising that highest version of yourself? Are you truly the man you want to embody? Are you living and evoking that highest version of yourself.
And, you know, I think a lot of the times, especially in the acute stages of pain, we're not. And that's the calling to an adventure, right? That's calling to a new way of life, although it does not feel that way. So when we're aiming towards these absolutes, like honesty, purity and selfishness and love, and I have a mine, that is hell bent on doing otherwise, hell bent on going against that spirit. What I'm doing is I'm going against my true self, right? Because my true self is consciousness, my true self is that breath within each one of us that pure place of spirit that's born into the world, and this body in these bones in this flesh, develop over it over a period of time. And that's what we call life. And then the body takes its natural course to decay and dies, but you can't kill that spirit, you can't kill that source it was before and it will be after. So is my belief. So the issue is we have a mind or I had a mind or still do just in different levels, that, like, let's say I am, and I want to be honest, everyone wants to be honest, but I keep on lying or being dishonest. And like the little crevices of my life, where it doesn't even make any sense to be dishonest, right? over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Now, add months, and years on to those and pepper that dishonesty throughout a year. Okay? dishonesty, cheating, evading, compromising all these things, right? You add yours on top of that the flame of your spirit of your heart, it's going to get blasted the out. It's going to get blotted out, it's going to get stain, it's going to get snuffed out by the mine. In a sense, you know, I've always had a heart that has wanted me to do the right thing or had told me and whispered to me when I was in bad situations or got in a car, I shouldn't have been in or headed to a place that I shouldn't be going. I had that little whisper that was like, yo, you shouldn't be in this car right now. You're up. Don't do this. That's the spirit, right? And what do I say moments like that Shut the up. I got things to do. And in a very real sense, what I do is I put a muzzle on on the spirit, like a dog who wants to stop barking. And every time I go against that in that grave way, I tighten that muzzle, right, the mind is just tighten in that muzzle, tighten it until you can barely hear a whimper from the spirit. Right. And now you're at complete and utter division. And with that comes emotional torment and terror and hopelessness and self pity and remorse. That's just the collateral damage of going against yourself. Now, so like I said, that's just gonna get blotted out. Result complete the complete division. flesh is going to win daily. And it does. So we got to cut out the division and restore balance and harmony. And the question is, how do we do that? And that's where the pain comes in. paradigm shift gonna be painful. We got duality, right? The vision versus harmony, collision versus harmony, confusion versus harmony, one must exist for the other two exists. So the whole goal of life or for me personally overcoming addiction, right is moving from lie to truth. Because there was a time in my life where it said, I must use. I must drink. Let's say that was on a Monday. And I believed and I knew that I knew that I knew I must. That the gutter is my destiny. And let's say on Tuesday,
I was like maybe I don't have to. Because the awakened spirit of another man approached me and showed me that it was only a lie that it was a Boogeyman and he restored balance. That's how God moves right he evokes himself through a vital person and a vitalized spirit, natural consequence of getting in touch with someone like that is it will vitalize you naturally and on its own accord, the spirit moves, it shifts and blows, and you don't know which direction it comes from just like the wind, right? It's learning how to feel it, hear it, and step into it. So we got to restore that balance. So from Monday to Tuesday, we moved from a crazy lie to a simple truth. And then in just being willing to unravel that muscle just a little bit and say, Maybe he's right. I found out that it wasn't that. Like he was right. But it was more so that I was wrong. So the entrance into a new way of life was, holy shit, I was wrong. So then it's like, well, what else am I wrong about that's been keeping me from absolute freedom and joy and relief in truth. What else am I wrong about? And I think that's great courage to be able to move through life and say, What am I wrong about today? How am I not seeing things clearly? Is there more to learn? Is there more to let go of? What am I not seeing? What am I not seeing? Because there's a lot and hopefully there's a lot, right? Otherwise, there's nowhere to go. Now, when you begin to step forward from lie to truth, and you start to paddle out to truth with every type of strength you got, you're going to feel a great revolt and rise up within you, you're going to revolt. Because every molecule, my body rebels against what is good for me, and that's just what I've learned about myself, and it makes no reason why or how or when it got manifested. The fact is, that's been my experience. It's a prodigious result and record, let the record show what makes me think that there's not going to be cells in my flesh that are going to rebel against what is good for me. So I accept that pattern in my life and I honor it. Right. And then I won't be mistaken about spiritual growth because the entrance into it was I was wrong. So I learned that we're in a spiritual battle against ourselves. Mind versus spirit. Flesh versus heart, duality, duality, duality. Right? So you're going to expect the revulsion? It's like, you're gonna fuckin feel uncomfortable, dude. Right, your mind is going to tell you because the ego will be dying, it's gonna you're learning how to take off the old man ego and hang him on a cross and get to live in your damn life. That's death. It's losing its power. The lie is fading to black and nothingness. And the light in the source is taking its proper place and its role. And you're learning how to step into that role. Now it does. The ego doesn't want that. The idea of myself how I need to move through life, my image, what I think is right, what I know is wrong. All these things, how it should be, how it should look what shouldn't have happened and the need to know why. And the ability to cling on to things rather than let go. It's so uncomfortable. The ego is going to die. It's going to be loud, it's going to kick and scream, it's going to be in a high chair, it's going to bang its fee on the high chair, it's going to take its toys and want to go home you either listen to that. You either walk away from that or get put down by your choice, your choice. But don't expect to be comfortable in this process. You're going to go through it. That's not none. This is what I'm St. Paul meant when he said we die daily to come after Christ right we die daily. That's what he was talking about. was dying, dying Death to the old man dying daily for eternal freedom dying daily for eternal freedom, there must be death for there to be life. Right. If a snake does not shed its old skin. It will it will die. It will die if it cannot shed its own skin and go through a birthing a new birth process, it will become overtaken by the dead skin and it won't be able to regenerate and it will die. This is a natural consequence of life. Right when you're tending a garden, you have to trim plants properly and often in order to make room for new growth. This is the law of nature. This
is this is universal law. We didn't come up with this. It's just a way it rocks. Right, you got to prune dead branches. And there's a lot of dead branches within me. Snip snip, snip snip motherfuckers snip snip get used to it ain't gonna be easy, right? And dying daily actually was one of my one. It was The first shirt actually, now it was one of because I printed builder thoughts continue to fight and dying daily. Right off rip and the dying daily was on a direct to garment. And it was a it's a sculpture of David that Michelangelo sculpted, right the sculpture a day fit in. And he's kind of he's holding out a severed head and the severed head is his own head. So he's sitting there, he's holding out a severed head of his own, but his head is in the opposite view, it's looking back, it's looking into the past, it's feeling regret and pain and don't think I can do it and no hope and giving up and failure. Right, so he's holding a head where the gaze needs to be severed, looking forward and severing the past. Jesus says those who put their hand to the plow, and look back are not fit for the service in the kingdom of God. What is that saying? The past is the past this moment. Gone, already gone, can't get in between that the past is the past I can glean from it. But the moment I look back, the plow shifts, and I'm not tending to the land properly, those who put their hand to the plow and look back or not fit for the service in the kingdom of God. You're in it means if I look to the past, it's going to take away from me embodying and learning from the kingdom of heaven, which is in me, by the way, it's giving mice in giving service to myself into that kingdom, I'm giving service to God. It's not an opposition. Right, we can find it in our brother, we find it in ourselves, it's all the same thing. And some seasons, it may look like you know, in a complete state of service trying to live for others. And another season, it may look like getting involved with yourself in your life and quieting down and letting go and learning how to sit with yourself and meditate. Both are just as important service. No one is not greater than the other man thinks it is. man thinks it is and that's where conscious judgment comes from collective judgment from other people. Right. So it's this dying daily, right? Which was well you know, you're learning to the dying daily is killing the division, right so that David holding his head looking back, you see, you see that division has had looks forward. And the severed head it looks backward. That's how is simply divided we are in the killing of the division is him holding his head out away from his body? He has removed it from himself in separate. Yo, what are their brand, you know, has fuckin designs like that. Let me just ego out for a second. Come on, man. Come on, man. Yo, I encourage you, if you can find another brand that has the depth in a way of one design like that, I'll give up. I'll give up. Listen, I know there. Listen, I know there's awesome brands out there, right? There's awesome brands, there's a lot of great Christian brands and godly ones that take after a scripture by you ain't molding the shit like me. You ain't doing it. I'm gonna I got an ego out real quick. And it's only because it's only because I'm so grateful for ftg so it's like, it's not even me like, like gloating over myself. It's almost like ftg to me is is a person and a brand that I'm not a part of. And like when I talk about it, I get just as excited if it was like, you know, my little sister started and I would just I would just love on her and scream about it from the rooftops and it's so cool. And I think that there's power in that you know, to love on whatever you have created like that because I mean I love it ftg is brought me to exactly where I'm at in my life right now. That's how charm full creativity can be. That's how charm full and service oriented your own spirit
can be. I didn't know what I was doing. I say this all the time. I just made some shirts and put them on the backs of my homies. It gave me my current job it gave me my friends gave me my community. It gave me everything it gave me Robert relationship. And it gave me passion man. Come on man. And listen, just FYI the antis anti-drug social club. That sure I put it up. It's being printed this week. This week, so it's going to be done like so many people hit me up about it. So I only have a limited number of shirts. I'm going to print some different colors. And I'm going to have to open it up to preorder and I'll let you guys know via Instagram when it's going to be up, because there's only going to be room for so many. So I want to do a countdown and let everybody know when the pre orders gonna drop. And then who first come first serve and they're gonna go quick, you know, but um, yeah, it's, I'm excited about that when it's a dope looking shirt. But anyways, man, I'm just, I'm just grateful. You know what I mean? Like, I'm grateful. And I was talking to Fazio actually. We were at gym, we were at the gym. We were We were at gym. I love lamp. We were at the gym. And you know, we were just kicking it. I had a temperance training shirt on. Leisha, Austin, they had ftg on back, or Reeves had on the dreamer project, someone had on RTR. And I just looked around, and I'm like, Man, what a community. Like what a community were on, I don't even know how I ended up there, everyone just loving on each other, were in each other's brands, screaming about each other from the rooftops, and just all coming to one one place together and just enjoying moments together. It doesn't have to be anything more magical than that. Just honoring one another by holding each other's flags, you know. And it's, and I just kind of stepped back for a moment and like was watching this and it's, it's just an it's just a, like a nod to one another. And I think that like in friendship and community, if you were an absolute service to me, and I was in absolute service to you, how could we fail? We couldn't, because we're both leaning towards the source of one another and saying, you know, what's that? And that's not to say, right, I bow to the God within you, you bow to the God within me. And thus, we become gods. Right? So anyways, division Can you know, this has been coming up in my life a lot lately. And division resides in. without realizing it, the personal details of my life, it's the little things. It's a second nature lying. It's the evading the hiding. The neglecting the me wishing the moment was different for me, because what I'm saying is, it's like, This moment is too lousy. I wish it to be different. You know, and there's just, there's just unrest in that, you know, these are the elements of division that I that I've found within me and in my life now. Obviously, I can't expect to not be attached to that stuff. You know, it's like we're talking about a perfect ideal here, but like, make no mistake about it. I'm a knucklehead dude. I'm a knucklehead. You know, I you know, we do this podcast, and I talk about serious things that mean everything to me. I mean, we're talking about the battle between flesh and spirit and division and scripture, and all this stuff. And that that's, I love this stuff, right? I love this stuff. I walk with it. It's part of my daily my daily work and my career. I love that. But any other time, like, you can ask, you can ask my girlfriend, I'm an idiot. I act like an idiot. I'm always joking. I'm always laughing. I'm talking in stupid voices. Like I just act like an idiot. And I think it's because,
like, the substance of my life is very dedicated and serious, not in like a rigid manner. It's just like, I know, there's more I know that it's all spirit, right? So anytime I'm not like engaging in you know, a heartfelt conversation or whatever that may be. It's all jokes. It's all love. It's all laughter and how can we smile? And I think that's important, you know, so just make no mistake about a man I'm a moron. Half the time. So yeah, you got to get exposed to the elements of division like you're not if you can't know yourself and get perspective on yourself and that that drifting open space between stimulus and response which prayer meditation, journaling self Inventory that's going to get you there. You know, that's going to get you there. One of the homies, Kyle, he, he he's a huge journaling guy, what he's been doing, he was one of the he was awarded the scholarship for Vedic meditation. And he's been rocking man, he's been rocking for a few months now. It's, I think it's like three or four months now. And he's become already holy, always has been, I'm sorry, dedicated journal or at night. And he was telling me what I what he found is that the meditation opened that up, and allowed him to basically get perspective on himself to where he could start knocking away at basically, he didn't use his word, but the division that he found in his journaling, right, so the meditation gave him space to recognize when it was coming up, and then take action. And you know, these are the men that are in that is in my that are in my life, you know, and what a beautiful thing. And listen, you're going to be able to not look so Scripture says, right? You know, by their fruit, you'll be able to recognize them. So, division is going to create bad fruit, it's going to be bear, it's going to be dead, it's going to be rotten, right? You'll know if a tree is alive and flourishing by its fruit, you know, by their fruits, you shall know thy heart. It's just the law of nature man. Like you see, we just you know, opened up a coconut yesterday. And, you know, down nature's Gatorade, you know, got that, that source liquid. Them tree top, electrolytes, you know, and it was amazing. Now, if that coconut were to fall, and it was all brown and dry, I'm not gonna cut that thing open, because I know it has nothing within it of value to me. Right, this is this is a natural part of man's relationship to nature. Human beings have nature within them and working through them. So it shall be no different. And we have to look for them. And you got to look for it in your own life. Because you're a little creative motherfucker, whether you realize it or not, your hands are creating all the time. And you're either creating the vision, or you're creating harmony. And it's how you move. It's how you move. It's your thought life. It's your spiritual conditioning that's going to propel your hands into a harmonious direction, where you're creating and bearing good fruit, or you're going to have feeble weak cans with zero dexterity. And you're going to be creating dry brown coconuts, man. You know, and I want those those three top those three top hitters, you know? Yeah, I want nature's Gatorade, top shelf, tree top Gatorade, you know, I want those electrolytes I want that good stuff. You know, and, and to that scripture, quote, right, a house divided against itself will not stand. You know, Lincoln highlighted this when he said, you know, in the amounts of play on Mensa patient block proclamation, excuse me, when you got to think the whole country was in Division. Alright, this is historical. I mean, North said slavery bad South said slavery. Good. Right. And Lincoln addressed the nation. He said, Listen, our nation is not going to stand if divided in slavery.
The South can't be for it and the union against it. That's complete division. The VA division yields collision, right. And in this case, collision spelled out was spelled out Civil War. And with it came approximately this is historical fact. 620,000 soldiers dead from combat, a house divided against itself cannot stand brothers killed brothers in Civil War. A family divided against itself cannot stand. You know, this whole slavery thing. We wouldn't have the United States. If we didn't blot out that division, if it wasn't for a Blinken, and he quoted that scripture, by the way in his address to the nation, right. So he embodied spiritual principles and woven into the fabric of the nation. And thus we exhibited freedom if it didn't happen like that. We'd be in a different world. So division was spelled out Civil War. And 620,000 dead from combat. In war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short lived, the more we tried to fight and have our own way, the worst matters got. Right, as both sides tried to fight and have their own way, yeah, maybe the union one. And that's great. But the cost of division was 620,000. Dead. So, you know, division kind of one, two. It's all perspective, man. It's all perspective. And, you know, I, just from my personal experience, I'm sure we can dig a little bit more. But the plight of the addict and the alcoholic is the best picture painted of division, you know, and we're trying to move towards recovery. And that's tough. Because, in order to recovery, for recovery to happen, we need balance to be restored. And it's like well, balance of what? Well, balance of mind, body and spirit at some point in the life of fanatic. The most powerful desire to not use means nothing. He must, and he does. He wishes his hands didn't reach for a bottle. He wishes his hands couldn't reach for a rig. And yet, there he is. Yeah, his spirit is dying to stop. Yet there is needle in the arm wondering how it happened. pounding on the bar, asking myself How the did this happen again, the afflicted mind is a powerful, powerful thing. Now a person living in that type of morbid division doesn't bear good fruit in their life. You can expect the life of an addict to that degree or an alcoholic and that degree of sickness, what type of things do you think their life is going to reflect?
Here's an example right? This is the this is going to underpin the Scripture. By their fruit, you shall know their works, right? Which is a reflection builder thought just as the water reflects the face so one's life reflects the heart of a man. So the addict and the alcoholic in that state is going to reflect nothing but utter chaos. So you're going to see broken and scarred bodies, sick and feeble bodies. DCF is involved taking the kids homeless, jobless, isolated, no family contact, jails, psych wards, institutions, hospitals, gutters. This shouldn't be a surprise. Your witness witnessing a man stumbling through life by way of complete division. Every step he takes is precarious. It is bound to create confusion, warped lives of blameless children, fierce resentment and family. Harmony is a thing of the past, and it will never be retrieved. It's a distant memory of childhood. It's nothing. So if you were to look at somebody's life on a movie screen, and you see him waking up homeless, and no job, and alone, no family contact, their bodies have discolored skin. They're they're weak and feeble and male nurse. Would you be like that guy? I bet you he's at peace, man. I bet you that guy has a great life, but she's got some money in the bank. No, you're like this is a tortured soul. This guy is tortured. He's the embodiment of terror. Your heartbreaks. Of course he has a tortured mine
Of course. And then you may see someone a picture painted of a healthy body color in their skin. physically fit. Family and friends close to them gainfully employed pap In this step, motivated energetic whites in the eyes. Right? You can feel that energy and you're like, this guy's got it. This guy's got it going on, man, I bet you this. I feel like he's a good guy, man. This is a good dude. We feel that we recognize it. It's a law of nature just the same way is we either see a rotten apple, or a fresh, good shiny apple. Which one are you going to pick? Are you going to reach to the ground and put a rotten apple in the bag and walk away? No, you're going to reach? Oh, that's a good one. That's a good look at that. That's a good one. Yeah, get that one. Right? This it's like it's in us and we don't even realize it. But think about this. Think about a man like that. Who doesn't want to pick up the rotten apple? But has to. That's the type of mind that we can be up against sometimes. And it's like, Well, like, how do we listen, meditation is first of all, it's a tool for surveying our own territory so we can know what's going on. All right. With that energy, we can calm things down, we can understand them. And we can bring harmony, back to the conflicting elements inside of us. If we can learn ways to touch the peace, joy and happiness that are already there, by the way, then we're going to become healthy and strong and a resource for others. Because the misleading thing to say oh, well that's all I am. Is discord and broken and jobless No, no, no, that's just the blotting out. That's just a stain on the soul. We got a Mr. Clean that motherfucker when you do a magic eraser, that motherfucker. Right? That's what we need. And it's there. It's already there. All that's been done like the light The sun is there, it's shining. Regardless, the only thing we have done is we have poan we have pulled shades down on the windows. And we've just cemented them there on the window. So there's only darkness, darkness is not darkness, it's just the absence of light, we got to pull the shades up, man, pull the shades out, pull the shades up, open, the windows let fresh air in. Right. And in doing that the light will expose the darkest spots in the house. And then we just got to keep being a vessel for that like keep letting in and keep letting in in the shadow proves that the sun shines. You follow what I'm saying? The Shadow proves that the sun shines. Right? But we got accepted the shadows there. It's within us all the wars, all the heavens, all the hills and all the gods are within you, Joseph Campbell, all the heavens, all the hills and all the gods are within you. So we got to survey in enlarge our territory so we can see what the hell is going on. Right? There are many conflicting feelings and ideas within us. The point is, it's important for us to look deeply and know what the hell is going on. When there are wars within us, it's not going to be long before we're at war with others and even those we love. I mean even the discrimination going on and fear in society this shit. It just underpins and waters the seeds of violence and hatred and discrimination and fear in us. If we always got to go back to ourselves and touch our feelings, we have to see the ways that we furnish the fuel for the wars going on inside of us, right? It's like if you want to change the world, then you got to change yourself. It can't be fixed outwardly. Right? You can't like you can't pick up a rotten piece of it can't pick up a rotten apple and then attach it back to the tree and say Hey, get better. What do you got to do? You got to trim dead branches. You got to go to the soil. You got to go to the root. Sometimes you're gonna have to grow a whole new tree man.
You can't just Go grab proper fruit and then stick into a tree. It don't work like that. It don't work like that. You got to get involved with in yourself. If you don't go within you go without. Listen guys, thank you for listening. I appreciate each and every one year. Remember that this week, pay attention to the Instagram put on note, notifications or turn the notifications on. And we're going to be dropping that anti drugs social club this week here, there's only going to be listened to I only have a limited number of shirts. So last time I did the pre order drop, they were gone within 10 minutes. So please keep a lookout for that. Also, this podcast is dropping on Monday. And we will be picking a winner from the giveaway we did on Friday at noon, so pay attention and I'll be giving you two t shirts that have already been printed the chop wood carry water and the ftg Electric. Um, so yeah, man. Keep a lookout. tag me and I love you guys and thank you. Thank you for everything.