the light lab podcast episode 54: s.p.a.r.k. - the hanukkah edition

6:39PM Nov 30, 2023

Speakers:

Eliana Light

Josh Warshawsky

Ellen Dreskin

Keywords:

prayer

torah

shabbat

word

hanukkah

days

heart

light

called

song

hope

world

kaddish

work

love

blessing

feel

isaac

learning

means

Shalom my friends, welcome to the Light Lab Podcast. My name is Eliana Light and I'm here with my good friends, Cantor Ellen Dreskin,

Hello everybody!

and Rabbi Josh Warshawsky!

Hello again!

Hi friends, it's so good to be with you and so good to be with you, listeners. We're doing another SPARK today. This is our more freewheeling slash connective episode, though of course, there are many notes, you can find them all in the show notes, all the stuff we talk about. But a little way to check in, see what we're learning, listening to, and to make some holy sparks, some holy connections. SPARK stands for something, we'll get there. But first, we wanted to just do a little heart check in here for our hosts. And maybe you can check in too with us, listener, difficult, challenging, horrendous, horrific times we're living in. And I just want to ask the two of you, and I'll share too, just what's on your heart? And how have you bee, have you been holding your heart in these days?

Well, maybe there's a long pause we could leave in.

Yeah.

Or or or not. I think that our silence says a little bit about how I'm going out the world a little bit tentatively, I think, I hope a little more kindly. I'm certainly aware when I'm giving into my own tension and my own anxiety, and working really hard to stay soft and stay calm. It's the week here as we record of Thanksgiving. And then comes Hanukkah, and I think I'm kind of hanging on to that. I'm leaning into it as much as I can, and trying to hold those. That's me.

I think that's where I am too, trying to find a way to hold on to a little more kindness and a little more connectedness and, and trying to lean into the fact that the holidays, that, that both our religion and our country have put forth in this time period are meant to bring people together and bring more warmth and more light in a time that already is dark and cold. And now is made even darker and colder and meaner. And how can we find a way to, to lift that up and have that be present and have that help us try and actualize those things in the world beyond just the holidays? What does it look like for each one of us to feel more gratitude? What does it look like for each one of us to try and actually bring more light and more goodness and into the world? So I'm trying to, to keep that in the center of my mind. And you know, it constantly moves itself to the back. So then the act of bringing it back to the center is also in some ways a healing act. So I'm working on that.

I totally resonate with what both of you shared, I think that it is the, part of the important work to be done in these days is to keep our hearts open, and to not lose our humanity by dehumanizing others. And it can be very easy to fall into that trap, because, there are extremists who want us to dehumanize each other and thus lose our humanity. And we just cannot. And I've been, I might have quoted this on the pod before. But in the Rav Kook essays I've been studying, he talks about prayer being the bridge between Torah and action in the world because it softens the heart. And that I really think that that's part of our work as prayer leaders and music leaders is to soften the heart. And part of that means that that open heart, right, one of the ways of opening is breaking. And so there's, there have been a lot of moments of sadness and moments of rage. But I'm trying to tend to those moments lovingly because it means that my heart is still open. And that I'm still able to see the humanity of people. And, you know, a lot of this is being waged on the internet, far removed from what's actually happening, and it can be very easy to dehumanize, and very easy to just throw words someone's way who seems, who seems not like a person but just, you know, just to post and, uh, you know, it's my fault for reading the comments. I always do I know that's, I know that's not, that's not good. It's not good for me. And, I'm trying to train myself to continue to see that humanity. I think there's actually room in our open hearts for all those that have been affected. I think we can cry and shout and rage for innocent people in Gaza who are being mowed down essentially, and, continue to call in anger and sadness for the release of the hostages who are still, as of this recording, in captivity. When this comes out, in two weeks, of course, I have a hope that things will somehow have gotten lighter, and more bright and more hopeful, holding on to that too, but also just trying to allow myself to feel the feelings and sometimes channel them into productive ways. You know, calling, advocating, writing, sharing. But also knowing that not turning away is work in and of itself, and attending to the heart is important work. And I'm glad that we get to do that together. Today, as we are in this darkest time of the year, turned towards the holiday of light, which has a different a different vibe for me this year, Hanukkah, and potentially for you as well. So we'll start on our SPARK journey. The first letter of SPARK, "S" stands for song, and I'm going to go first. Y'all longtime listeners know that sometimes this becomes a musical theater podcast. And you can cross it off your bingo board, because I've been drawn in these days to the soundtrack to Come From Away. If I ever feel my heart harden, and I need to be opened, and I need a good cry, I will put on Come From Away because it helps me feel those feelings. It is a brilliant musical about the planes that were diverted to Gander, Newfoundland during 911. And so it's about 911, but it's really about people, and the way that we help each other and the way that we hurt each other. It is a heartwarming show that also doesn't shy away from the interpersonal dynamics that happen. There's a character from Egypt and, well, he's not a character, he's based on a real person who was there, and the way people treated him with fear, and with disdain, when he was only trying to help he had to hide and pray at night so that people wouldn't stare and yell at him. Even amongst a show that showcases so much kindness. So that's been a reminder to me as well, not demonizing people. And there is a song called Prayer that weaves together the prayers of different people that are, the plane people as it were, from different walks of life. And we'll play a bit of it now.

And it can be heartening to hear all of those sounds together. Perhaps it feels very far off. But I just have to keep believing and working towards a world where we all get to be safe together. So that's the song that's been on my heart. Josh, how about you?

I actually have been not having so many songs on my heart these days because I've been listening to too many podcasts, which is probably not as good for my heart, but is I guess maybe helpful for my brain. I don't know. I was in Baltimore, a few weeks ago at a really beautiful synagogue and day school that share a building, Chizuk Amuno and the Krieger Schechter Day School. And on Saturday night, we did a really wonderful just like Havdalah and gather the community to sing. I spent a couple of days working on some of the songs with the kids and then they came up and they sang together and the choir sang this beautiful song that was picked out by the head of school, a song that I'd never heard before, by Naomi Shemer. And the song is called Hachagigah Nigmeret, which is both a very sad song and also has a really hopeful chorus, or at least a truthful chorus, you know, the song begins: Velifamim Hachagigah nigmeret, Kibui orot. Right, and sometimes the party ends, and the lights go off. hachatzotzrah omeret Shalom lakinorot. The trumpet says goodbye to the violins, and we said goodbye. Even after the goodbye, the hope is the chorus is Lakum machar baboker Im shir chadash balev, to wake up the next morning with a new song in our hearts, Lashir oto beko'ach, Lashir oto bich'ev, to sing that song with strength to sing that song with hurt, Lishmo'a chalilim baru'ach hachofshit, to hear the sounds of the flutes, wind as they're carried along, Ulehatchil mibereshit, and to find a way to start anew. And that each day though we've suffered though there have been darkness is that we've lost people along the way what does it look like to try and, and wake up the next morning holding on to the hurt and holding on to the strength the same time, and sing them both out together. And there's this group, this choir of like 20 middle schoolers just like singing this song in beautiful harmony. And I'm just like, crying but it was a sweet and powerful moment. And that's the song that I've been carrying with me the last couple of weeks.

Thank you. How about you, Ellen?

I had an idea. And then this morning I woke up thinking of a song that I just heard yesterday afternoon. Never heard it before in my life. And I need to spend a lot more time thinking about it. And perhaps y'all will too. It's a song called Plowshare Prayer. And it's by a person named Spencer I'll say LaJoyce, L-A-J-O-Y-C-E. It'll be in the program notes. And Spencer, if you ever hear this podcast: Wow, you really are kind of changing my heart and opening my heart with your sooul right now. We'll play it or play a portion of it. I'll just read you a few of the lyrics that have touched me. It says, Dear blessed creator, dear mother, dear savior Dear father, dear brother, dear holy other Dear sibling, dear baby, dear patiently waiting Dear sad and confused, dear stuck and abused, Dear end-of-your-rope, dear worn out and broke, Dear go-it-alone, dear running from home , Dear righteously angry, forsaken by family , Dear jaded and quiet, dear tough and defiant, I pray that I’m heard , And I pray that this works , I pray if a prayer has been used as a sword against you and your heart, against you and your word, I pray that this prayer is a plowshare, of sorts that it might break you open, it might help you grow. And then it goes on to say I pray that you get a number of things that you need, and closes off with instead of I pray that, with Amen. Amen on behalf of the last and the least, On behalf of the anxious, depressed, and unseen, and a whole list of Amens, and closes with, I pray that if a prayer has been used against you, that this is a plowshare, of sorts. And it is so very touching and really acknowledges to me right now, the needs of so many innocent people. And how many people are in distress and anxious and torn and heartbroken and, and I just find myself in that space of listening to music, somewhat of hope, of the fact that I know there's no going back. And I have to be hopeful about that going forward. I think that that's why this prayer speaks to me so much.

I'm really struck by the language of if a prayer has been used against you. I'm looking forward to listening to the song more and, thinking that in about how as we know, religious traditions have been used as a cudgel against individuals and groups for, you know, thousans of years, and recognizing that too. And what does it mean for for a hurt to turn into a plowshare?

This play on turning your swords into plowshares and I believe that it was the poet Yehuda Amichai who said don't stop there, turn your plowshares into musical instruments and use them to sing, and then if they want to turn them back, turn your songs back into weapons, they'll have to turn them back into plowshares first.

That's beautiful. And speaking of prayers, this is a great segue into the "P" of SPARK which is prayer. What is a prayer or a piece of liturgy that we've been particularly thinking about or feeling about lately? Josh want to get us started?

So we tried to the new it my and my synagogue in Columbus this past weekend, something that we're hoping to do once a once a month that I decided was could be a good, a good idea hopefully, I called it "Shabbatoneg", Shabbaton and oneg, right, Shabbaton is like an extension of Shabbat, oneg means a celebration. And there's a line in our Shabbat liturgy that says Oneg kara l'yom haShabbat, that we should call Shabbat "Joy," like that's one of Shabbat's names. So what would it look like to add more joy and more celebration to our Shabbat experience? So we started we started the morning with a 9am Breakfast with the Rabbi and Torah study. And then we did a 10 - 12 shortened but musical and intentional service where we focus on some of the liturgy in a more intentional way and sang those pieces out. It was really, really beautiful. And the piece that sort of was the, I guess, sort of the the middle of our of our musical experience, qas this, the prayer Nishmat Kol Chai, which is a prayer that we only say on Shabbat. And it's a prayer of calling out in prayer, but also a prayer about the futility of prayer, which I just think is a beautiful idea, that like it's one of the longest prayers we have in the Siddur, and in the middle of it we say Ilu finu shira kayam, ulshoneinu rinah cahamon galav...ve'eyn anachnu maspikim lehodot lecha. Were songs to fill our mouths as waters fill the sea, we still wouldn't have enough words to praise G?d for the thousands upon thousands of thousands of things that are done for us every day. And yet we have this really long prayer that's all about all these praises to G?d. And then we say in the middle of it, but it's not, it's not, we know it's not enough. I like the idea of engaging in the endeavor anyway. And that there's something about doing the thing, even if we feel like we might not be successful, exactly in accomplishing our goals that going through the process and going through the journey is important. And especially in the endeavor of prayer, right. There's a lot of questions about what it means for prayer to be answered. But prayer in itself is an endeavor worth exercising in. And so I really love that particular prayer. And when I was living in Jerusalem in the year before, before college with Eliana, I would sometimes go to daven at this really, really sweet synagogue called Yakar in Jerusalem. And Yakar starts davenning at 8am which is way too early to start Shabbat morning services. But I would try and get there at 8am because not only do they start at 8am, but they start at Nishmat Kol Chai. So they get they don't do any of the Pseukei Dezimra, part the morning verses of praise, they assume that people are going to do that on their way to synagogue, which is what they traditionally used to do, right? People would say these morning blessings as they were doing the things. So they started Nishmat Kol Chai at 8am. And they use this beautiful like drone chant melody through the entire prayer, it's the only place I've ever heard them sing every single word of Nishmat Kol Chai. And I would try and get there at 8am because I wouldn't want to miss it because it felt like it really elevated my Shabbat when I got to hear it. And it's been with me for 15 years since then, just that melody and I sing it to myself when I get to those words, on Shabbat I use that melody and other places now also to try and keep it with me every Shabbat, but those words Nishmat Koll Chai are about trying a way, trying to find a way for each one of our breaths to be a breath of praise. And that, that will hopefully lift up our soul. The word for breath, neshima, is the same as the word for soul, neshama, just vocalized differently. And so if we can find a way to change those breaths into enrichment for our soul, that'll probably be good for the world. So that's what sort of in sticking with me, that's my prayer for today.

Josh, what you said reminds me so much of, of Kaddish, and Chatzi Kaddish, that when we pause or when we recite any sort of Kaddish in our service we get to this line, l'eila min kol birchata, we're talking about how wonderful how wonderful G?d is and worthy of praise etc. And we say L'eila min kol birchata - beyond all, all blessings in words of comfort and songs and praises. And then in our Siddur whether it's a Chatzi Kaddish or a Full Kaddish or a Reader's Kaddish, we turn the page and we go back to trying to describe just how wonderful G?d is, or to or to be filled so filled with blessing and expressing it, and then we get to another Kaddish and we say yep, not gonna happen, but let's turn the page keep trying.

I love that.

And that spirit really gets you.

Yeah. And there's a really beautiful melody for those particular words in the Kaddish, written by Eliana Light, if anybody wants to check it out. it really lifts up that idea of like we're still trying to do this thing anyway.

Maybe, I think that it would be really nice possibly we want to have a lot of musical clips scattered throughout.

Sure.

Because music itself is, we can, I can see it in our faces on the video. I'm sorry, nobody else can see it that we're all saying, yeah, the music is, the music is doing it. Can I jump off of that, as well? I mentioned a text earlier when we were talking before we started recording that it has a Hasidic melody to it. I learned it maybe 40 years ago and forgot all about it. And again, this week, it was brought back to my attention. And the words are v'af al pi chen v'lamrot kol mashpia shefarav al kol haolamot. And it means that Af al pi chen, even though all of this is so. So you can put that in every, in any context you like. V'lamrot kol, and in spite of everything, mashpia shefarav al kol haolamo, there's this constant flow of bounty upon all the worlds, olamot, time, space, spirit, and it just keeps flowing. And the melody is very sweet. And very short. Goes like this. And then it can go into a nigun. That's the whole song right there. But I find myself having it. I am an eternal optimist. And I really am happy that hopeful gems keep falling into my lap these days, because I really need them. And I really do believe it. I don't think I'm just being a cockeyed optimist, to quote a very old musical from way back in the day, that that song continues, I'm stuck like a dope with this thing called hope. And I can't get it out of my mind. And I'm working really hard on staying there. Because I do believe that we're going forward. And we can determine how we go forward as much as possible.

Thank you for that reminder. I need that. I, I would like to also be stuffed like a dope with this thing called hope. And it, it goes in and out. I think I have more hope in people than in governments, more hope in people than in institutions, more hope in people to love and support and care for each other. And I also think that one of the things that T'fillah helps us do, is to imagine what I was gonna say, the end goal of hope, but I don't think I don't know if that's what I really mean. But the kind of world that we're working towards, what does it look like? What does it feel like? I think T'fillah can be a place where we're able to use our imagination, we're able to be invited, we're invited into the world, that the liturgy presents, both looking at the world as it is differently and also into prayer as aspirational. What are we asking for and yearning for? And what is it actually going to look like to have those things? Maybe in the micro now in whatever way that we can bring them into our lives and into the world, and in the macro, at some other future time, when those dreams are fully fulfilled? And I've been really stuck on the Hashkiveinu. I think the, the last few times I've been with a community, different community to do Friday nigh,t I ended up giving the same kavanah, the same intention, which really stuck out to me, which which is the fact that in the this prayer, Hashkiveinu, in the evening liturgy, we asked for a Sukkot Shalom, a sukkah of peace. And that I point out that I think it it's very important that we're not asking for a castle with a moat of peace, or are a fortress of solitude of peace. We're asking for a sukkah of peace. And sukkah is by definition porous, right? You need to be able to see the stars through the roof, it's open on one side, it can, many of them be very easily knocked down in the wind. And that's part of the point. And, that I really do think that true shalom, true peace, isn't every person being in their own castle and closed off for the world. Right? You seal that off, and what kind of life is that where we can't be together? Because the truth of our world is interconnection and the "Achaddity", as you say, Ellen, but the true, what does it mean to work towards a peace, where we can all be in our own Sukkot, and not be afraid. Where we can all be in our own Sukkot, and be safe, because we're taking care of each other. I've been holding on to that and hoping that that little kavannah, that little intention can, again, help us open our hearts, and find our humanity, and be a little bit more bold in the kind of world that we want to imagine. Now, what's nice about T'fillah is that, you know, I feel like if I shared something like that on the internet that that's the kind of peace in the world I want that someone would be like, well, how are we supposed to do it? How are we going to do it? And then in T'fillah, I'm, nobody heckles me, thank goodness, it hasn't happened yet to be like, and what is your 10 Point Plan for the Middle East so that we can, like that's not that's not the point. We have to start from a place of dreaming, and imagining, and I think we can be bolder in the kind of peace that we're dreaming, I think we can be bolder in the kind of world that we know is possible, and the kind of Olam Haba, The World to Come, that can be right here. And so I, I love that these, these prayers that we've brought of peace and hope and imagination and abundance, that we know is the truth in the world. So moving from prayer to action, to the "A" in SPARK, what are we doing? Ellen, please.

I want to jump in. Especially following Eliana, what you just said that I think you have me thinking about the heart as a muscle. And that we, now is a time to flex that muscle. And that there, that prayer is a form of spiritual exercise, and almost training our heart. And so many people say, well, I don't believe that G?d is up there in the sky and is going to bring peace because we're sitting here singing Shalom Rav all day long. We're singing Shalom Rav or Hashkiveinu, or any of these beautiful prayers all day long, in order to train, I believe, our own hearts. To strengthen that kind of muscle within us. And to realize it that, the more we put those kinds of words into the world, again, Jewishly, words are living things. And they make a difference in the world. The entire world was created, language, you know, let there be light, and there was. And we can be, again, and I'm going to Hanukkah already, you know, our ability to kindle light, and to increase light in the world is real. And we need to dig it up when it's, you know, covered with all the schmutz of what's going on in the world, to use prayer possibly to cut through those layers and polish it up and put it out there.

100%, 100%.

So I guess that's my action.

Great!

Get out there. The last thing I'll say, I- I- I meant, what I meant to say was, I'm finding a lot of strength in singing with people these days, and leading prayer, I feel that the congregational response and engagement is very deep. And, and people are coming because they need something and prayer's working for a lot of people these days. It's not this little silly thing.

I think I'm with you. I think it feels more potent. And I've been, in the in the past couple of places that I've been able to lead services, my heart and my ear have been particularly drawn to the sounds of children. You know, you've probably had this where like a kid makes a noise and then the grownups like Shush, or they like try to get them to be quiet or they take them out of the room. And I just have this memory from when I was a kid of that happening, a baby crying, and the adults shushing and everybody kind of moving around. And my father, in his rabbi role stopped what he was doing and said, the most beautiful sound in the world is the sound of a child in a synagogue. And then everybody stopped shushing, and, you know, shushing around. And it wasn't really a problem after that. And I think about that a lot. I don't take for granted the sounds of children, playing, crying, feeling, being, and certainly not in a synagogue, certainly not in a place of prayer. And in a place of overt Jewishness. I don't take it for granted at all. And so I try to lean into that story and encourage people to, now, this is a place for the kiddos to this is a place where, you know, I often call people's attention to the fact that like, the kid is dancing, the kid doesn't care, right? The kid is so unselfconscious and that we have, often we look at a child and we're like, I wish I were that free. You know, I wish I could do that. I move like that and sing like that. And the thing is, we could do that, how can we be inspired by by the children, that also wasn't what I was going to say. But I think that's an action, listening and loving and feeling particularly connected to children in shul spaces.

I'm feeling that, I mean, that flows with what I was trying to think about saying also. I think, I mean, the idea of connecting in general, and just, I feel like I have been in touch with many more people over the last couple of weeks than I usually am. Even at a time when like we're running around and doing all these different things, just connecting with your friends here and in Israel and all over the place and, and then finding ways to be present and see each other and then also be president for my community here. And that's been really uplifting to and, you know, in some ways in the like, you know, around October 7, there was this sort of feeling, I was feeling maybe we're almost back, like it was in the beginning of COVID, where like everyone was just kind of like stuck and had no idea like what to do or how to do anything, or how to communicate or where to go or anything. And the biggest difference is that we can actually still come together, right, we can actually gather you're not stuck, we're at least here in America, we're not, we're not stuck in our homes. And, and even here, I was talking to some friends in Tel Aviv, who like are in their neighbors, and their neighbor's houses or our dinner with people on their floors. And just the fact that we can still be together and be present and see each other and look people in the eyes and give people hugs is really, really something that I don't take for granted. And that's been the action that like, you know, like, that I've been really holding on to over the last, you know, couple of weeks is like the more that I can hug people around me, the better. That's been a really positive action for and affirming a life affirming action.

Amen. More hugs. I would like, I would like more hugs. The thing I was gonna say, which I'll share share a little bit was the action that I'm trying not to take is Doom scrolling. I think I'm, I'm on social media more, I think because that has been a way that I felt connected to other people. And I'm feeling that especially when I'm far away from friends or family. But that it's it's a barrage. And I think parts of it are important, because it helps keep the heart open to bear witness. And it can also have the opposite effect of numbing. And how can we not be numb? We'll link in the show notes. But I've been particularly encouraged by the work of Standing Together, who is doing real organizing and building work between Jewish Israelis and Palestinian Israelis in the country, and recognizing I think, in a way that has felt real but also far away that the only way through this is together. There's no other way. Nobody's going anywhere. Right? What does it mean to work towards a peace - and I think when I said before about how I have hope in people, it's these kinds of people who are doing this good work on the ground that I have, that have given me more of that hope. So we'll link to some of their work here. I think it's important to be aware because here in America can feel so far away, and that they're that there are people who are working over the din of the extremist governments, person to person, and working towards a better way forward. Which, which we need. And sometimes, this is going to be a terrible segue, sometimes what helps us find a new way forward is ritual. Which is our "R", I know we're thinking, we're thinking. Well, Josh, why don't, why don't you start with "R" and maybe something will be sparked in us.

I love that we're I think we're in general, the SPARK has shown us that we are pretty good at sparking things in each other too. So, yeah, I think you may have noticed a lot of my SPARK so far has come from that Shabbatoneg that, that we did at our community. And it was really I mean, the prayer experience, part of it was really wonderful in the building was full of people. And it just felt really joyful. And we started on Shabbat morning with the Torah study. And, like 30 people gave us a Torah 9am before the service. And it was just, it was really nice to be able to do that together. And sometimes I studied Torah, you know, by myself, or sometimes I have a hevruta or two that I am getting connected with as a learning partner, and we studied together over Zoom and, but haven't gotten together together with a group of people in a while and just talked through, we looked at just one verse. And then we looked at a Midrash. You know, it's a rabbinic exegesis on that one verse. And we talked for 45 minutes about the one verse. And that's what the Torah is there for. You know, if it's not, if it's not going to be, if it's not gonna be relevant in our lives, then why are we reading it every single week? Why are we reading these stories over and over again? And this is like one of the oldest rituals we have is the ritual of reading the Torah. And then how do we manifest it in our lives? How do we act on the words? And so I love the ritual part of the study and of like, looking at the verse and doing that. And this idea of studying together in community is also the way, Hatorah niknet b'chavurah, the Torah is acquired in community, in groups. I think I maybe that's from Pirkei Avot, forget where it's from, I'll look it up. Or maybe we'll put in the show notes. But the Torah is acquired and studied together, right, you can learn it by yourself, but it matters more when you get to discuss it with people. So that's been, that's been the ritual that that has really enlivened me this last week.

In terms of relevance, Josh, I really appreciate that. Since the war began, in Israel, we've been in the book of Genesis, and story after story after story of people not getting along, dysfunctional families, sibling rivalry, and, and in the next few weeks, as we emerge from the book of Genesis, perhaps, and end up with Ephraim and Manasseh, who I believe will also probably be talking about in our next podcast, about family blessings and Shabbat, that after a long string of siblings who cannot get along, we bless our children and sing, may they be like Ephraim and Manasseh. And one Midrash that I read on this topic actually says, because they were the first siblings to get along. That we keep going for, you know, that we, we are growing, and that we are in these stories of our ancestors behaving badly toward each other, making big mistakes. And this idea, as we approach Torah this season, I'm really into the, turn it and turn it because everything is in it, that it's not there for us to agree with the behavior of everybody in the past, it's there for us to challenge and question and argue with and try and be better than and build upon. Hanging on to that in my Torah studies, I think these days.

That's beautiful. I love just as kind of our work in the Light Lab has encouraged me to slow down and look at one word, one verse at a time, that we can do the same for Torah. Definitely want to sit with that as like the Torah service is the part of, of things that I'm like, the least comfortable with. Yeah, I'm gonna sit with that. What I was thinking for with ritual is that last week, I wrote a guide. There's a group of families that I'm doing some work with, who are all students of mindfulness, and wanted, kind of Jewish family education, from a mindfulness lens, which I think is very easy in Judaism, actually, depending on how it's framed, because as we've talked about, so much of our liturgical and ritual life is around awareness and around bringing our awareness to different things in different moments and also, blessings calling us to the present moment. And I wrote this whole guide for them about candles. And I, it got me thinking about candles and candle lighting in a different way, actually connected to last week, you know, when we're recording this last week's parsha, where Jacob tricks his father Isaac into giving him the blessing, in that, there's only one blessing. There's only one blessing, which feels like sometimes in our world, we are told there's only one blessing, right? Only one group, only one person wins, quote unquote. And we use that language of winning for a lot of things, especially here in this country. Whereas I think the candles teach us what you were talking about earlier, Ellen about abundance, about that Shefa, that overflow, right? When one candle lights and other candle, neither candle is diminished. And there's just more light, and how that can be the blessing that we lean into. That there actually is enough. There is enough, I just like I fully believe this with all my heart. There's there's enough food for everyone. There's enough space for everyone. There's enough safety for everyone. There's enough love for everyone. What blocks that, what gets in the way of that is people, is human beings and human systems of oppression that humans built. And looking back on that Torah story and learning from that actually, like, the hefech, the opposite. Right? There isn't just one blessing. There's enough blessing for everybody. And how can noticing the light of the candle, becoming aware of the moment where the flame erupts, watching the dancing of the light and watching one candle light another candle as we will be over Hanukkah, and remembering and like feeling really in our bones, what that abundance feels like. You know, we're going into Thanksgiving this week, we talked about this to where I was just that in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, with the amazing Rabbi Arianna Cappatauber, about that abundance and the horn of plenty. And so much of the symbol of Thanksgiving is this overflow. And what it means not just to say like, well, we had a nice meal, and that was that. But to live in that abundance and feel it, not just to satisfy ourselves, but to recognize that the abundance is there for everybody. And what we can do to unblock the shefa, unblock the overflow so that those blessings can can flow freely to everybody. That's our, our, we are rounding the corner towards the end of our SPARK experience with "K", knowledge, something that you've read or watched or listened to or learned. Little will SPARK, a spark of knowledge wisdom that we want to share. Want to get us started Josh?

I do want to get started. I thought I would share a little bit about from that Torah study that we did. We were studying a Midrash from a book called Dirshuni, which is a compendium of feminist Midrashim written by Israeli authors modern over the last like 20 years. And this one was written by a really, really smart woman named Tamar Biala. About the verse the one of the first verses in the Torah portion from last week, Parshat Toldot. It says Vayitar Itzchak L'Hashem l'nochach ishto ki akarah hi vayeater lo Hashem vatahar Rivkah ishto. And the translation that we have is our Isaac pleaded with G?d on behalf of his wife because she was barren. And G?d responded to his plea, and his wife, Rebecca conceived. A lot going on in that one verse. But the word for Isaac pleading, and the word for G?d responding vayeater and vatahar are really the same word just vocalized differently. And so there's a question of what's what, and that's one of the only places where this word appears, vayitar. Usually, we're able to figure out what some words in the Hebrew mean. First of all, any translation is an interpretation, right? But we're able to figure out what a particular word means by looking at its context over here and its context over there and then comparing them. But if it only appears in one place, we can compare it with anything. So what does it mean when we use this word, and we use it to be both the action and the response to the action? And so the Midrash has a lot of different variations about what it could mean. Maybe it means, what is this sort of pleading that Isaac is doing? And the most powerful, I think, read the Tamar Bialik gives us is that from the moment that Isaac was bound on the altar until this particular moment, Isaac was mute. We actually don't hear him speak anywhere in the Torah between these two moments, and that even protect me even perhaps in this moment, all he's able to get out is this like anguished cry that doesn't have any words. There's this sort of crying out in that moment, and Isaac doesn't know what to do and Isaac pleads, but the flip read that Tamar Bialik gives us is that it's actually not Isaac and G?d. It's actually not Isaac pleading and G?d responding, but it's actually Isaac responding to Rebecca's pleading. Rebecca says, Please, I want to child. please, I want a child, and you, Isaac won't give me a child. Isaac refuses to procreate in the world because Isaac is afraid. One of the names we call G?d is Pachad Yitzchak. Isaac is afraid that he's going to behave like his own father, and try to sacrifice his son. And Isaac doesn't feel that he is has the right to be a parent doesn't feel that he has the skills, the equipment, doesn't feel that he he can bring a child into the world. And I think, you know, we've had these conversations, I know people have these conversations all the time. How can I bring a child into this world, this world is a terrible place, I'm not prepared to take you to kick take care of this child and, and you know, learning from our ancestors, that generational trauma as is real, that parents' PTSD is real, that we both worry that we will become our parents and worry that we won't become our parents. And we won't, you know, and so and so I just there's this read was a read that I'd never explored before it was like maybe, maybe they they're afraid to have a child because and maybe first of all the barenness is then not Rebecca's - it's actually Isaac's. And that the the problem that they're having is that they're afraid of what it would look like to bring a child into the world that they're existing in. And that we have these conversations, and we learn these kinds of things. And we think about this all the time also. And that the Torah, this, this pleading, and these conversations, and really what they're doing is it's actually each character is both expressing how they're feeling. And also listening to the feelings of the other two characters, G?d, Rebecca, and Isaac. And so what would it be like if we're each able to both communicate our feelings and also hear and hear the communication of those we are partnered with, and find ways to bring that into the world and really both listen, and act on those the things that we're hearing.

I think Ellen and I are just a little bit in a wow space. At least that's where I am. That is some really beautiful and powerful Torah.

Tamar Biala. Brilliant.

Yeah, she's amazing. And we'll link to Dirshuni the show notes. I've only studied a couple of Midrashim from that. But each one has been incredibly powerful and just unlocking a different dimension of these stories.

Yeah.

Again, we turn them over and over again. And sometimes we need somebody else to turn it upside down so that we can witness it and have it be turned around for us. It's beautiful.

Ooh, I think I'm going to step into Josh's gematria role today a little bit. And Josh will correct me if I get something incorrect, but you know, we mentioned before several times, Hanukkah will be upon us and us upon it in no time at all. And I love some of the gematria associated with Hanukkah, particularly with the that root, chinuch. We think of it as dedication or rededication. Chinuch in Hebrew is also just education, and raising our children. So already I'm in love with the word because the idea of dedicated them towards something in the ways that we educate them, and having the hope and the strength. Josh you, you know, just started us off of the bringing children into the world. And then in what ways do we want to educate them and raise them? Chinuch, the gematria of it, if we split it into two words, I've heard it interpreted as the chein of 26. Chein means graciousness, etc, kindness, and then the last two letters of chinuch, vav chaf, equal 26. And 26 is the same gematria as yud hey vav hey. So we get chinuch, that kind of dedication, that kind of education, is really the chein, the kindness of yud hey vav hey presenting itself to us that we, we pass that sort of dedication, education, to our children. The only, my other Hanukkah gematria is the word or. The word or, light, has the numerical equivalent of 207. Which also happens to be the same number as Raz, which is a word for secret. For something that's very hidden. And the idea that we get Or Zaruah Latzadik, light is sown for the righteous, well where is it buried? It's a secret, and we dig it up and we go looking for, for the light. And then of course, when Hanukkah comes, we publicize it. We put it in our windows and say there is light. It lasts. We can hang on to it, and we can kindle it, and we can be it. So, and all by the grace of G?d. There we go.

That's beautiful. I wonder if it counts as a bingo board spot if it's Ellen doing the gematria and not Josh?

I think so.

Oh gosh, I hope so!

We need to update the bingoboard. That was so beautiful, Ellen, what beautiful Torah. Oh, my gosh, what a sparked to me, first of all, is the line Ner Elohim nishmat adam, that the soul of a person is the candle of the Holy One. And what it means for that fire, that spark, that everlasting flame to be what lights us up? What, what lights us up? And, how that fire is connected at the root to all of the other fires alit in each person's soul in the world. I've been thinking, you know, this kind of, at least to me, seems like pretty surface level, Chanukah Torah, but I'm going to share it anyway. And try not to already put my put myself down in my own Torah down on this podcast as we try to teach it everybody has something to share, and everyone has something to learn. And I think those things are true. Which is that so many of our rituals, and so many of our holidays are multi layered and multifaceted. There's like a mythic layer and a historical layer. And many of them have an agricultural layer. And there are all these different layers that we can excavate. I think as I was growing up and learning about the story of Hanukkah, we really started by learning about the one jar of oil that lasted eight days. And then when I was older, learning more about the Maccabees and that Hasmoneans and their victory and the rededication of the Temple, and then getting even older and learning that the reason that Hanukkah is eight days long is because they, the Maccabees were fighting over Sukkot. And so they weren't able to celebrate Sukkot in the Temple, so they celebrated it once they had rededicated the Temple. And Sukkot shash Shemini Atzeret is eight days long, and kind of getting upset being like, well, what is it with this miracle of the oil then? And then learning even more about how the rabbis were like pretty uncomfortable with the Maccabees for a number of reasons. And their militarism. And that this story of the one jar of oil that lasted eight days kind of brings, maybe in the rabbis' mind, like brings the Holy One back into the picture in a way that might have felt a little more missing. Kind of like how in Purim, the Holy One is out of the picture, still in the picture, but through the actions of people. And this year, I kind of, kind of going even like a level under that. Like why Hanukkah? Why do we celebrate Hanukkah? Because it's cold and it's dark, and we need to be together. And we need to be together around light. Many, many, many other religions and cultures have holidays around light at this time of year. And that's not an accident. It's because it's when we need it the most. I'm thinking, and I'll link it here, Rabbi Scott Perlo, wonderful, did an ELI Talks, that's actually how we met, we were giving talks on the same day, like six, seven years ago. And his is about candle lighting. So I revisited it for this guide I was writing. And his whole thing is about like getting to the simple and the basic in ritual. Why do we like candles? Because they're beautiful. There's so many other layers that we can add on that. Why do we celebrate Hanukkah? Because it's cold and it's dark, and we need light and we need each other. And leaning into that, more than the military victory and more than the miracle of the oil, is just, we need light and we need each other. And how we can move into Hanukkah, or at least I'm going to move into Hanukkah with that as my as my guiding light, as it will. To wrap up our time together, friends, as an extra "K", could we end with a little kavanah, a little intention or a little T'fillah, a prayer, that maybe each of us can offer based on what's been sparked in us today? For ourselves and for our listeners.

Well, the talk of the Torah and the each of us giving such beautiful SPARKS from from all of our learnings has made me think of Ahavah Rabah. And a particular line in Ahavah Rabah which is the prayer that we say right before the Shema, a prayer about abundant love. In the middle of it we say, V’haer eineinu b’Toratecha v’dabek libeinu b’mitzvotecha v’yached l’vaveinu l’ahavah. V'haer eineinu, enlighten our eyes through the Torah, and glue us to your commandments, stick us, stick us to this pathway, v'yached libeinu, and unite our hearts to love. And the word it's not le'ehov, it's not actually, like it's not to do the verb love, it's the, it's the noun love, it's unite our hearts to love. It's used as a verb in a strange way, but the word itself is the noun. So I pray for us, my kavannah for us is that, that our religion and our tradition and our community, that we're able to find ways to unite and to love and to care with the Torah as our guide. And that brings us to a place of love and hope and continued connection.

Amen.

Thank you, Josh. I just reached for a piece of music that I'm going to be using this Shabbat and we can play a clip of it. It's a Daniel Cainer song called Grateful. And it opens up, and this really is my, my kavanah for the time. It says, Is it just me or do the days go by so much more quickly than they did? So many strange things going on, so many pieces of the puzzle that don't fit. I watched the sunset on the Western sea, the light plays on the water, and it feels to me that I am blessed to be here. Despite all the unrest and the way it may appear, I'm grateful. For what I'm about to receive, let me be grateful for all that I've achieved. And when I'm looking for a place to hide, when I feel broken inside, remind me. Grateful. That's how I want to be.

As we light the Hanukkah candles and revel in their glow, starting with one light in the darkness, and growing in light and holiness each night, may we remember that abundance and feel into it. Enough light for everyone, enough love for everyone, enough blessing for everyone, enough peace of everyone, as we share and display and publicize this light. How can we let that abundance guide our hearts and guide our actions to unblock the abundant flow of blessings, and bring more needed light into the world?

Amen.

Amen.

Amen. Thank you both so much my friends for being here. There's always so much that is sparked in me and I leave our conversations feeling lighter and smarter and with a fuller heart. So thank you both so so very much. And thank you listeners for being with us. And we wish you a very very very sweet Hannukah. Our podcast is produced by Rachel Kaplan. Our editor is Christi Dodge. Yaffa Englander does our show notes, which are great and robust and you can find those and even more goodness at light lab.co. Follow us on social media at the light dot lab and we hope you have a light filled Hannukah.